Over

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Excess and its consequences. Clouds of industrial dryer exhaust, the scent of fabric softener blasting across your entire body as you pass through it, intermingling with stale air-conditioned breaths exhaling from the automatic sliding doors of hotels. A touch here and there of garbage languishing in the rising heat of the day, though by the time you catch wind of it it’s already been collected and quickly stashed out of sight. The smell of fifty different kinds of sunscreen, that of the heavily chemical-laden water piped through the various attractions and features, also mixing with various smells of cooking food, popping popcorn. The scents are nearly impossible to separate from the sounds, really: children crying, families arguing, grandmothers in rapture, walkie-talkies bleeping jarringly at every turn. Was that one of ours? No? Is everyone here? Where’s ~~Toby~~? Oh, here he is. All set to an ever-present, hyper-enthusiastic soundtrack, repeating endlessly from now until the end of time. [[WALK]]

A family group of nineteen people is at a standstill among the crush of thousands trying to make their way into the park that day, a wedge as decisive and unmovable as a boulder in a trickling creek, and they are unperturbed at the nasty looks being thrown their way by those who have to sidestep them. Well, most are unperturbed, one person among them is clearly mortified. They all make quite the spectacle, even given their surroundings, with three strollers (one double-wide), three ~~grandparents~~, four ~~children under five~~, five ~~adults~~, one ~~Young Adult~~, and six ~~kids~~ of various other ages, all with their own equipment for the day ahead. The mortified one is the ~~Aunt~~, but by this point in her life she knows that even her best efforts will fail to move the group, so she makes do with making a displeased face clear enough for the passing crowd to observe. It’s something, she supposes. [[STOP]]

Exactly why they are stopped is anyone’s guess. Usually, it starts with an upset ~~toddler~~, and a coping ~~parent~~ slowing their pace to try and fix whatever the problem is without stopping. Their slowed pace slows the ~~grandparents’~~ pace, with the other young ~~kids~~ trying to take advantage of the distraction to leap ahead, stopped only by various other, slightly older ~~children~~. In the chaos, inevitably walking slows to a complete stop, and when the original coping parent succeeds in rectifying whatever the initial problem was, they’re surprised that the entire group is stopped around them, they could’ve just caught up! [[WAIT]]

It’s roughly eight in the morning and no one is happy about it. One camp is groggy, upset at having been woken so early despite being on vacation. The other is aghast at their late start, mentally tallying just how many people are entering the premises before them. Equality and fairness for a family vacation is oftentimes choosing the option that makes everyone equally upset. [[CONTINUE WAITING]]

Though they are within sight of the entrance, there are many problems to be solved in this diverting clump before they can proceed, it would seem. One tiny ~~child~~ has left his hat in the room, or at least that what his ~~dad~~ is claiming. ~~Mom~~ imagines it plastered to the sidewalk somewhere behind them, trampled by the masses. The debate about a potential search for it is doing nothing to claim the other nine ~~kids'~~ attention, they are focused on their argument over which ride will be first and they’ve taken good notes from the adults over the years so absolutely none of them are in agreement. Some say it’s too early for a water ride, some claim they’re already boiling hot, fit to burst. One plays the longer game; claims they don’t care which is first as long as they can do the roller coaster *second*. Another tiny one bursts in at this, they aren’t tall enough to ride the roller coaster and to go without them so soon would be ultimate betrayal. Finally, two plop down right there on the sparkling pavement, among the dedication plaques set into walkways that see billions of footsteps a year, hoping their dramatic display will jolt the adults attention enough to move the group yet again forward. If it doesn’t work then their vocal cords are plenty warmed up enough for a more spectacular attempt. In the midst of this is a ~~Young Adult~~. Twenty, bereft. Jelly sandals, narrow black sunglasses, cut-off from all her vices and adrift in this sea for a week. Few reserves could help with such a trial. Her name is {text input for: 'YA'}. [[EAVESDROP]]

Now the ~~grandparents~~ have entered the debate. One of them will go back and verify that the hat is in the room, you guys go ahead and I’ll catch up. No, of course, they should retrieve the hat if it’s there, the child will need it obviously. No, no, what if it’s already lost to the sidewalks? What’s the use of walking all that way? Either it’s in the room or it’s not, who cares, I’ll buy him a new one. Are you sure? I really don’t mind just catching up to you all. Perhaps now is a good time to start counting how many times someone volunteers to take on a selfless task. They’ll just *catch up* to the group later. {embed image: 'Assets/Art/hat.jpg'} [[WALK?]]

It’s settled though, no one will go back and catch up later, the entire group will depart from their staked spot, they will head for the entrance. Wait, where’s the ~~baby's~~ pacifier?! [[ENTER THE PARK]]

The combination of smells only intensifies inside the park. Added to it now is the smell of melting rubber-shoe-soles, engine exhaust, caramel, horse manure, artificial vanilla. ~~Grandma~~ is dying for a cup of coffee, does anyone else want anything? Three hands go up, two ~~adults~~ and one ~~child~~. The two ~~adults~~ want coffee also, the ~~child~~ wants an ice cream cone. This earns a rebuke from her ~~father~~. Ice cream! It’s eight in the morning! But ~~Grandma~~ is quick, this is vacation! Let’s have ice cream! The entire group of ~~kids~~ unleash an unholy roar, and ~~Michael~~ knows enough to know when he’s been beaten. ~~Mom~~ wins in the end even against her adult ~~son~~. Ice cream all around. The first ride debate is promptly forgotten and replaced with highly disputed flavor rankings, but first they have to know if they can have two scoops or one? [[EXIT ~~AUNT~~, STAGE LEFT]]

Already the ~~Aunt~~, who is ~~Michael’s~~ (and also ~~Charlotte’s~~) sister, has had an entire day’s worth of patience leak out of her and needs an escape. She begs off, volunteers to be the one to get the coffee then, and is almost totally ignored in the ice cream haze. As she edges her way out of the tangled group, ~~Charlotte~~ yells wait! Take a walkie talkie! Channel 8! She nods emphatically as her only response and smoothly exits. [[REMEMBER THAT IT IS MORE FUN TO OFFER TO BUY ICE CREAM THAN IT IS TO ACTUALLY ORDER A DOZEN DIFFERENT COMBINATIONS OF ICE CREAM FOR YELLING CHILDREN]]

~~Marian~~ now is beginning to regret her impulsive announcement but pride prevents her from letting this show on her face, which doesn’t actually do anything to hide this fact from being apparent to all adults present, but it does make them all too happy to let her deal with the consequences of useless pride alone. Okay ~~Grandma~~, go ahead and take them for ice cream! She lets one pale shadow cross her face before mustering up the stamina to yell, **this way kids!** She leads them across the main drag of the park to the sweets shop on the corner. ~~{YA}~~ comes out of her own personal reverie just in time to take pity on her ~~grandmother~~ and follow the string of children, after her ~~mom~~ yells again, wait! Walkie talkie! Channel 8! And presses it firmly into her hand. With a groan, she continues on. [[GUILT]]

Three grandparents to ten children is not enough. You might think that it should be, but you would be wrong. Even with one of the children really being an adult in her own right, it’s still not quite enough. Ten scoops of ice cream, all on cones, four cups of coffee, three black, one with sugar and milk. ~~{YA}~~, content with her selfless act for the day, set up camp at an adjoining table to her ~~siblings~~ and ~~cousins~~ and ~~grandparents~~, content to nurse her sugary coffee and strawberry ice cream in this small slice of solitude, silenced walkie talkie safely in her shoulder bag. [[INEVITABLE BURST OF TEARS FROM A VERY SMALL, OVERSUGARED CHILD]]

Now we’re left with six adults, two pairs of ~~parents~~ suddenly temporarily childless, and two ~~grandparents~~. They have just now realized their luck, but dutiful guilt prompts ~~Michael~~ to say to his ~~father~~, one of us should probably go with them, right? They all collectively sigh and hope for someone else to feel more guilty than they do. ~~Grandpa Bert~~ is in good spirits this morning, it’s the first day of vacation after all and he really does actually like his ~~grandkids~~, all eleven of them, so he says, oh go ahead, we’ll catch up. Elated, ~~Charlotte~~ passes the third walkie-talkie to her ~~father~~, keeps the fourth for herself, and as she begins to speak ~~Grandpa~~ says, yeah, yeah, channel 8, I know. [[GO WITH ~~BERT~~]] [[GO WITH THE ~~PARENTS~~]]

Before he can blink, the four ~~parents~~ are gone and he, along with ~~Grandma Phil~~, are left in the dust. Hmph, she says. Already she can see how the rest of the week is going to go and isn’t pleased. If she had known she was going to be shunted off to the side to act as daycare provider with her ~~daughter’s~~ in-laws, while her ~~daughter~~ and her ~~son-in-law~~ ran off as they pleased, she would’ve stayed home. Or at least picked a quieter vacation spot. But for now, she acquiesces. They plod over to the sweet shop, pushing three strollers between the two of them, in no real rush to arrive at the pandemonium that surely awaits them. [[GO TO THE ICE CREAM SHOP]]

Funny how the ~~parents~~ don’t realize how much they sound like their ~~kids~~ as they argue over which ride they will sneak in while the ~~kids~~ are distracted. The difference is that this time, the argument is being executed while its participants are briskly weaving their way through dense crowds and moving obstacles. They aren’t running, per se, but you certainly couldn’t call it walking. This way! One shouts. No! The kids will make us go on that one ten times, let’s do one they hate! Do they hate any of them? **THWACK**, as ~~Ben's~~ foot collides with a discarded bucket of popcorn. A nearby pair of ducks shoots out of a toy-sized lake at the sound. No, I don’t think they do. Yes they do, they hate the scary one. Well that one’s boring, that’s why they hate it. Not because it’s spooky. An ear-shattering clang claps from behind them, alerting them to an incoming trolley. They vault the tracks and move even more quickly; in which direction no one could really say. Their only instinct was to get deeper into the theme park. Meanwhile ~~Charlotte~~ notices that channel 8 is really picking up as the hour progresses into the next, she dreads having accidentally picked a channel that they would have to switch from mid-day, which would mean signaling to the other three walkie talkies through the noise to try to tell them a new number. Someone was always missed when they had to do that, and they would end up losing them for an entire day. She realized that they’d forgotten to set a meeting point too, so the only place anyone could expect to be found was the hotel. Mid-thought, she had almost collided with a middle-school choir group, all clad in matching royal blue t-shirts, but reflexively darted around them. Her ~~husband~~ had not been so quick, and was still untangling himself from the throng. The other two hadn’t noticed though, and were almost too far away to hear her when she yelled, wait! Her ~~brother~~, used to picking her voice out of a crowd, snagged his ~~wife's~~ arm and they waited by the carousel. When they caught up he asked, okay, we have to choose, which one? [[PICK THE WATER RIDE]]

A fatal choice. Impossible to hide. [[GET CAUGHT]]

When ~~Marian~~’s voice crackled through channel 8, they were unloading themselves from the cramped boat, awash in heavily-treated water, squishing in their shoes with every step. Where are you?! She yelled. These kids need their parents! They’re going crazy! The four parents resign themselves to the long trek back, anticipating the cries of betrayal that will meet them as soon as their children piece together just why their parents are dripping wet. [[~~PARENTS~~ ARRIVE]]

The four that are under six years old includes a ~~two-and-a-half-year-old~~, who hobbles about on their relatively-newly-functioning legs unreliably, and is extremely susceptible to the emotions of every other person present. Given the fact that there were twelve other people present in his group alone, it’s actually pretty admirable that he stayed cheery until the first ice cream cone was finished, by his four-year-old ~~brother~~. It was this ~~brother’s~~ tears, everyone else must have gotten more ice cream than him, that unspooled his own. ~~Phil~~ loved her ~~daughter's~~ kids, but had really been happy to exit the stage of her life when a crying ~~baby~~ was distinctly her problem to deal with. It was then that she finally turned on the walkie talkie and tuned it through the static to channel 8. [[CALL ~~MARGOT~~]]

She waited for the person currently talking over it to finish their thought, waited to see if there would be a response or not, and when there was none, spoke her ~~daughter's~~ name across the radio waves. She waited. The ~~two-year old~~ was sobbing now, though his ~~brother~~ had finally quieted down after two more ~~kids~~ had finished their ice cream cones. She sighed. ~~Margot!~~ Again. ~~Marian~~ noticed the growing frenzy in ~~Phil’s~~ eyes and motioned for her to hand over the walkie talkie. [[GIVE ~~MARIAN~~ THE STUPID RADIO]]

Once in possession, she shouted both her ~~son~~ and ~~daughter's~~ name over it, paying no mind to the heads that snapped around to look for the source of the noise. Just as she was about to shout a second, louder time, the four ~~adults~~ responded. ~~Marian~~ demanded that they return, then passed the walkie talkie back to ~~Phil~~, a smug look of achievement on her face. Instead of responding to *that* ~~Phil~~ told her own ~~daughter~~ that she had better get back here. Now. [[WAIT FOR THE ~~PARENTS~~ TO SHOW UP]]

While they wait, ~~{YA}~~ asks her ~~grandpa~~ if he has a pen. Of course, like he would be so unprepared as to not have a writing instrument, here you go. He passes one along to her and she notices the logo of the hotel they’re staying at stamped onto it. Off brand Marriott, Howard Johnson, whatever. They’re all the same, or at least, she doesn’t know the difference. She doodles on her ice cream cone wrapper, peering out at the world through her tiny sunglasses, praying for something, anything, interesting to happen to her on this trip. {embed image: "Assets/Art/doodle.jpg"} [[~~PARENTS~~ ARRIVE]]

When the ~~parents~~ get back, having very obviously just ridden the water ride, of course there’s an uproar. They may never be forgiven for such an offense. It’s unthinkable to their small ~~children~~ that any fun could be had without them. Inconceivable. They demand picking their own choice of a ride to go on, to go on ten times! The ~~parents~~ are all too happy to let them have the ride of their choosing, as long as it’s one that requires a good long wait in the already baking sun. The much joked about and dreaded Wet Crotch Walk was their penance to pay for their betrayal, cold, clammy denim clinging uncomfortably to their legs with every step. They were ready to start drying off. The ~~two-and-a-half-year-old~~ is quietly slowing his sniffling in his ~~father's~~ arms, not quite sure what’s going on but appeased enough to let happiness creep back in. [[~~PHIL~~, EXIT STAGE LEFT]]

A destination is chosen but ~~Phil~~ tells them all that she’ll go ahead and keep her walkie talkie, her feet are already a little sore and she’d like to walk slowly, yes, yes channel 8 for now, they have to get ahold of ~~Lou~~ if they’re going to switch it properly. Are you sure you don’t want to ride the ride? Yes, I’m sure, go ahead, I’ll catch up. ~~{YA}~~ [[EXIT STAGE LEFT]]

Each set of ~~parents~~ has one ~~child~~ on a kid leash, one is two-and-a-half-years-old and one is three, attached via neon nylon harnesses around their tiny torsos, and secured to one of the three strollers. This lets them wander a few feet in any direction without holding every single ounce of their ~~parent’s~~ concentration, leaving some of it left to operate as sheepdog to their precious little herd of rambunctious sheep. By day seven, they will change the wording of this slightly. To aid in this process, they’ve instituted a few rules over the last few trips that the group now does automatically. The four and five-year-old ~~cousins~~ are practiced at holding hands, something about this gives the ~~parents~~ a feeling of deeper security, the eight and nine-year-old ~~cousins~~ are out of the habit of this hand-holding but still orbit around each other unfailingly, and the ten, and thirteen-year-old ~~siblings~~ make a sturdy trio with their eleven-year-old ~~cousin~~. ~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Michael~~ are used to such trios, since they and their ~~sister~~ make up the original trio, in their minds. The instruction to hold hands came from their own childhood habit, one that their ~~parents~~ swear was not one that was imposed on them. Being so close in age, two years apart each, it just happened naturally. [[DEEPER INTO THE PARK]]

~~Phil~~ and ~~{YA}~~ have had a mutual respect for each other for some time now. Being her ~~uncle’s mother-in-law,~~ there wasn’t a strong immediate connection for them to make, but ~~{YA}~~ had always admired ~~Phil's~~ particular way of walking through the world, her habits that seemed so elegant to her, so far removed those of her own immediate family. She had been to her house only a couple of times, and only once for any real length of time. It had been for the first birthday party for the ~~now-four-year-old~~, she had been seventeen and thoroughly impressionable. It was something in the way the house was decorated, somehow both lush and neat, or maybe just the herbal scent of her hand soap, something about it felt like a deep drink of perfectly cool water. Some sense of hers was refreshed that she hadn’t even noticed was tired. Coming from the necessary clutter and madness of a house with six ~~children~~ under its roof, and at that time one of them was brand-new, only a month or so old, into a place that exuded such calm was shocking to her system. Suddenly she felt the need to reexamine her own tastes, to truly ponder them for the first time and ask herself what sort of place she might want to build for herself one day. What sort of clarity might she try to invent for herself in a place all her own? Because that was the other thing about ~~Phil’s~~ place, it was all her own. Her divorce had happened early in her ~~daughter’s~~ life, no one really remembered her any differently than she was now, and the house became a space entirely her own once her ~~daughter~~ left for college. [[KEEP WALKING AND THINKING]]

In all this time ~~Lou~~ had essentially just been wandering. She wondered how the hell she was going to make it through an entire week in this place. Her ~~siblings~~ had begged, all they wanted was for their ~~kids~~ to have some bright, shining childhood memories with their ~~aunt~~ and their ~~cousins~~ and ~~grandparents~~, to have family vacations just like they used to. When she pointed out that they could do that out at a lake somewhere, not an obscenely expensive theme park, they just laughed her off. Wasn’t she quirky? That’s why they loved her, no one else would say something that, would they! Then they had all the ~~kids~~ call her, and their tiny voices shouting through the handset of her curly-corded landline had been too much to withstand. She booked a ticket, here she was. The hotel room set-up was messy. ~~Grandma Marian~~ and ~~Grandpa Bert~~ in one room wih two ~~kids~~, ~~Margot~~ and ~~Michael~~ plus three ~~kids~~ in another, ~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Ben~~ plus three ~~kids~~ in a third, ~~Phil~~ plus two ~~kids~~ in a fourth. They had considered shoving their adult ~~sister~~ into one of these rooms, but she had quickly put her foot down on that one. She would take her own room, thank you, even if she had to stay in a motel down the road. It didn’t come to that. Someone had found or heard about or conned their way into some kind of discount and all five room were in the same tower of the same hotel, though they were scattered across a couple of floors. The ~~kids~~ had already delighted in, the night before, dialing up everyone’s room numbers and unsuccessfully prank calling them. She finally left the phone off the hook after the sixth or seventh time. She really did love them, it was the only reason she’d even consider coming on such a vacation, but even so she had her limits. [[WANDER]]

They make their way across the vast theme park in these collected constellations, one ~~parent~~ usually eventually carrying a leashed ~~child~~ whose legs are too small to keep up (but is tired of the stroller already), three ~~parents~~ with a stroller each, two of the ~~grandparents~~ hovering around the outsides, never shy about blocking out a path for them all, these are their ~~kids~~, their kids’ ~~spouses~~, and their ~~grandchildren~~ after all, everyone else can just deal with it. They are all practiced at their roles, they know how to shift and adjust to allow each other to move as they need to in order to reach their destination. ~~Children~~ can be passed and swapped for stroller pushing without so much as pausing. Stroller baskets and flip-out tops are ready and waiting to accommodate far more children than the manufacturer intended. Curbs and other obstacles are no match for this skillful maneuvering, and no one knows the true limits of a stroller like a ~~dad~~ in a theme park with three kids all wanting to sit in the same one-butt seat. {embed image: 'Assets/Art/stroller.jpg'} [[THOUGHTS ABOUT STROLLERS]]

Getting the strollers to this destination is a nightmare, however. Before being loaded onto the plane, they have to be wrapped in two massive black garbage bags, one on each end and duct-taped around the middle, at the airport. They can’t take care of it before, at home, because there’s no good way to transport toddlers through an airport without a stroller. So, it must be free to use until the last second, to get them all through the parking lot and to the gate, then then it must be taped and labelled. The flight being boarded is packed with other families with the exact same destination, and nearly the exact same strollers, so labelling is key. Once off the plane, it must be immediately retrieved and freed from its plastic wrappings, but if the bags are shredded, there better be two more in the suitcase for the trip home! If not, if the choice is made to just collapse the stroller and attach a label to the handle, new tears and stains are inevitable. Once finally inside the theme park there are other things to remember. Hopefully, the stroller has something easily identifiable about it. Maybe it’s bright blue, maybe there’s a ribbon wrapped around the handle, something, anything. Because the stroller parking situation is unlike anything else in the world. A veritable sea of wagons, crammed and slotted and tangled together so tightly that the first one in is indeed the last one out. Some things can stay in the stroller, things that aren’t worth the trouble it takes to steal them. Water bottles, half-eaten lunches, etc. The stroller itself though, must be locked up. It’s very helpful to pick a brightly colored cord combination lock, because then if the stroller is very average looking there’s still a good way to pick it out of a crowd. It’s hard to imagine who in these parks is out there stealing other people’s strollers, but ~~Charlotte~~ is convinced that it’s an ever-growing problem and fear is contagious so they’re all careful to lock all four strollers up at every stop. Sometimes a ~~grandparent~~ volunteers to stay behind and watch the strollers so everyone can drop all of the various bags and jackets and souvenirs and packets of candy that they’re carrying for a while, really, they don’t mind, **they’ll catch up later.** They pick a scenic spot and have a seat for however long it takes everyone else to ride a ride and no one pries for more information when later they respond to the question, so what did you do while we were on the ride, with a simple, oh, I just people-watched. Maybe they nap, maybe they abandon the strollers entirely and carefully plan the exact right time to come back and intercept them before the group returns. No one can really say. [[RIDE A RIDE]]

This time, since it’s the first ride (for most of them anyway), they choose to lock the strollers up, looping two cords together and through all four stroller legs and a neighboring fence before using a tired-looking combination lock to secure it. Everyone knows the combination, they use the same one for everything, be it combination lock or anything else that takes four digits.~~Grandpa~~ checks the wait time for this ride on the plastic sign above the entrance and limits himself to a mere, oh dear, before following his eldest ~~daughter~~ through the carefully sanctioned off line maze. The ~~kids~~ immediately set to swinging themselves on and around the line rope, fueled by irrepressible excitement and the 9am sugar rush, and immediately crash into two other children doing the exact same thing. All involved ~~parents~~ shrug, placid as long as there’s no tears, and go back to flipping through their bags, examining the park maps, or whatever else they have in mind to pass the time. One ~~group~~ much further down the line is playing a card game, another has a tiny pad of paper they’re playing Pictionary on. One ~~woman~~ is knitting what looks like a scarf. ~~Marian~~ is still nursing the large coffee that she ordered before she let even *one single ice cream cone* order be taken. ~~Michael~~ has finally noticed that his other ~~sister~~ has wandered off, though he has no idea when this happened, and asks his ~~wife~~ if she noticed. Yes, how had he missed that? She told us she was going to get coffee. He ponders this. But ~~Mom~~ and ~~Dad~~ got coffee at the ice cream place? She could have gone with them? She rolls her eyes at him, you can’t imagine why she might have wanted to get coffee from literally anywhere other than there? He turns and thinks on this for a while. {embed image: "Assets/Art/lock.jpg"} [[WAIT IN LINE]]

~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Ben~~ are talking to their ~~ten and thirteen-year-old~~, asking about any homework the two might have been assigned to get done this week during their absence from school. Both swear they have none, but they only believe the ten-year-old. The ~~three-year-old~~ has clattered into a different ~~kid~~, and this time there are tears all around, so both sets of ~~parents~~ spring into action. [[TIME TO ACTUALLY RIDE A RIDE!]]

It’s not that ~~{YA}~~ found the idea of a woman with her own house so foreign, though this would have been understandable, it was more that she had never encountered a home that was so intentionally set up for its inhabitants’ enjoyment. Since then, she nurtured a small obsession with figuring out how to do the same for herself one day. She tried to be careful of her own ~~grandmother’s~~ feelings, watching to see if she had noticed this admiration for her ~~cousin’s grandmother~~, but if she did notice, it clearly didn’t bother her. There were so many ~~grandchildren~~ for her to keep track of that perhaps she welcomed the help of another. They walked together as she recounted some of this to herself, not quickly but lightly, unhurried, observing their surroundings. She kept wondering if the woman would turn to her and ask why she wanted to stay here instead of ride the ride with everyone else, but she never did. Instead, she simply walked as she imagined she would have if ~~{YA}~~ hadn’t been there at all. When they passed a shop window, they paused to examine the displays, which were one primary-color clad mannequin after another, large faux-leather bags with garish print sprayed over them, coffee mugs too large to comfortably hold in one hand. She wanted to poke fun at them, but ~~Phil~~ seemed to be in her own world, far away from the blaring immediacy of their environment [[STAY QUIET]]

After fifteen minutes or so of this sort of routine, meandering window to window, pausing to consider a sign or a fountain, ~~Phil~~ finally said, I hate this place. ~~{YA}~~ physically flinched at the sound of her voice; she had tuned so closely into her quiet that the sudden speech seemed like a sharp bell being rung in her ear. It’s all just too much, she added. ~~{YA}~~ nodded a little, then said, everything in those windows was ugly. ~~Phil~~ smirked at that, and finally turned to face her. You think so? Again, a nod. She nodded in return, what on earth are we going to do here for an entire week. A week is too long, even the kids will get bored. ~~{YA}~~ said, well, they don’t usually. Last time they were crying as we were leaving on the last day. Even though they were all too tired to walk. A grimace was ~~Phil’s~~ reply. Then, so why do you still come? You could’ve made some excuse I’m sure. College is busy, a surprise test, a million possible things? She thought for a moment, it was a fair question after all, why on earth would she enter into this marathon of a trip with her ~~parents~~ and five younger ~~siblings~~, not to mention the four ~~cousins~~, if she didn’t love the place? Because I hoped something interesting might happen, that’s all. Something different than boring, regular life. [[REVEL IN TEEN ANGST]]

They were standing near a different water feature now, one meant to look like a giant natural waterfall with huge granite rocks obstructing the water and forcing it to cascade down in a certain way. It almost succeeded in the effect it was going for. Almost. ~~Phil~~ said, do you really think regular life is so boring? At your age? She shrugged at this, mentally preparing for the typical speech about youth-these-days, hrgh grgh. The woman thought for a moment. Then she asked, what classifies as something interesting then? No immediate words came to ~~{YA}'s~~ mind, at least none that she was prepared to relay to the woman next to her. Just, she trailed off a little, I don’t know. Something worth telling someone else about? A good story then, that’s what you’re looking for? Yes, I think so. ~~Phil~~ nodded. [[WHERE DID THE ~~AUNT~~ GO?]] [[KIDDIE RIDES]]

The park has little to offer an ~~adult~~ wandering alone. There’s food, which ranges from fine to bad, there’s shopping, which features only tacky, park souvenir knick-knacks, and then there’s people watching. The latter is exactly what she plans on doing with any of her alone time for the week. Find a snack, find a bench, and watch the drama unfold around her. There are a number of things that immediately stand out to her, one of which is that there’s a shocking number of young couples that apparently vacation here. She wants to ask them what their reasons could possibly be for choosing this place, a place with no art, culture, alcohol, or privacy. But she watches them silently, eating her deep-fried carnival snack, and sees that they are quite clearly enjoying themselves. What is she missing here? Early on in these observations she hears a faint shouting coming from her walkie talkie. Once unearthed from her back pocket, she turns up the volume just in time to hear her ~~mother~~ scream her ~~brother~~ and ~~sister’s~~ names across channel 8, momentarily deafening her right ear and simultaneously yanking her back to childhood. She cranks the volume back down and stuffs the walkie talkie back into her jeans pocket, resuming her observations. Her short, dark hair and sunglasses usually do a good job of keeping strangers from accosting her and she’s pleased to find that they are even more effective here than they are in ordinary life. The slight haze of gender ambiguity is somehow amplified against this backdrop of nuclear families and capitalist glory. [[SIBLING TRACKING]]

~~Lou~~ had wandered around for a good long while, before stopping in the center of the park, a bench opened up by the central fountain and it was as good a place as any, so when ~~Charlotte~~ came looking for her, she didn't have to go far. Through the crowd, she spotted her and yelled ~~LOU!!~~ while waving both arms in the air. ~~Lou's~~ head swiveled around, pulled as if on a string toward her ~~sister's~~ voice before she had even truly registered hearing it. She held her hands up in a "huh" sort of shrug. ~~Charlotte~~ mimed COME HERE. ~~Lou~~ responded by dropping her head dramatically back, a mimed UGH, and slowly got up. COME ON, ~~Charlotte~~ called, THE KIDS NEED FOOD. [[HANGER, OR HANGRINESS, IF YOU WILL]]

The ~~kids~~ and their entourage of ~~caretakers~~ are exiting their third ride and it's finally lunchtime. This begins an entirely new dilemma, because inevitably, every kid will want the option that is farthest from the option the kid next to them wants. It’s the first true test of the walkie talkies, as all four will be needed for this to work and no one knows where the ~~Aunt~~ is. All calls to her over channel 8 have gone unanswered, and the channel is so clogged up with other families trying to do the exact same thing that it seems as though they’ll have to give her up as a lost cause, I suppose we’ll just catch up with her tonight at the hotel. As a last-ditch effort, ~~Charlotte~~ volunteers to go out in search of her ~~sister~~. She’s the most likely to be able to sniff out her hiding spots, everyone else will have to wait here, she’ll take a radio, though they really should pick a different channel. They spend ten minutes scrolling through them after ~~Phil~~ and ~~{YA}~~ arrive, all agreeing to try channel 11 this time. Aside from the occasional women calling through to what they’ve gathered must be her group of kids out on their own partially supervised adventure, it seems quiet. They wonder aloud at why everyone has decided on channel 8 today when there’s such a quiet channel available. After that is all settled, ~~Charlotte~~ sets out to find her ~~sister~~, knowing well enough that if she can manage to find most of the good benches and sitting nooks, she’ll find her. [[SIBLING TRACKING]]

The waiting ~~kids~~ are distinctly displeased and they let everyone within earshot know it. First, they gain confidence and stamina in this because of the many, many other kids around them who are doing something similar, it’s almost noon after all, but then they realize that with all of the other shouting going on, it’s very easy for their ~~parents~~ to simply tune them out, so their tactics must change. One scrounges up a water bottle from underneath a bag in one of the strollers and opens it up onto his ~~father’s~~ shoe, who would be more put out if the shoe hadn’t still been wet from the clandestine water ride outing. By the time the group realizes that this strategy has also failed them, ~~Charlotte~~ is back with ~~Lou~~ in tow and all walkie talkies tuned to channel 11. The groups split now as follows: ~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Ben~~, with their two ~~youngest~~, their four-year-old ~~cousin~~, and ~~{YA}~~, then there’s ~~Margot~~ and ~~Michael~~, their ~~youngest~~, ~~Phil~~, and ~~Lou~~, then ~~Grandma~~ and ~~Grandpa~~ with all of the oldest ~~kids~~. The three groups are going in almost perfectly opposite directions, with plans to meet up at the parks center as soon as everyone is done eating. Okay? Okay. [[CORN DOG CART]] [[MEXICAN FOOD]] [[PIZZA]]

~~Grandma~~ and ~~Grandpa~~ want to make this lunch, this first meal of so many on this trip, as easy as possible. They arrive at the corn dog cart and order seven corn dogs, four lemon-lime sodas, two colas, and one lemonade. After the ~~kids~~ scarf these provisions down two cry out that they are still hungry so ~~Grandpa~~ goes and orders two more corn dogs. [[MIDDAY PLANNING]]

~~Margot~~, ~~Michael~~ and their group head for a Mexican restaurant in the very corner of one secluded area of the park, one where everyone has to grab a tray and wander around a cafeteria to select their plates. No one has high hopes, but this area of the park is relatively quiet and so the ~~two-and-a-half-year-old~~ might actually nap in his stroller. ~~Lou~~ is comforted by the fact that even a subpar tamale is a tamale, nonetheless. Care in a small package. [[MIDDAY PLANNING]]

~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Ben~~ are getting pizza for their group, and carry the flimsy plates of slices to a shady area that ~~Charlotte~~ managed to stake out while ~~Ben~~ was in line. The ~~three-year-old~~ is asleep before anyone takes a bite. [[MIDDAY PLANNING]]

It’s after this is all taken care of that the ~~parents~~ start to consider who should stay in the park and who should go back to the hotel for a nap, or, as they’ve dubbed it, for a **swim**. Who wants to go for a nap?? Boo!! Okay, but who wants to go for a **swim**!? Still very few takers, but it’s the first day so they’ll take what they can get. Channel 11 is still all clear, so they have this discussion for anyone tuned in to hear. What do you think, does anyone definitely want to go back? Sure, I can. Yeah, I’ll take the ~~babies~~. Is anyone else going to come too? Well, I can’t handle them all by myself so someone will have to. What about ~~Mom~~? Even if you just want to nap mostly and help only if they get crazy? I mean even just walking back with all of them would be impossible. Listen, it’s going to be a very long week if we aren’t going to plan in some naptimes. Even just for me! Ha. Alright sure, just the ~~babies~~ today. The double stroller will work. Still want to meet at in the middle? [[ZIP THROUGH THE AFTERNOON]]

One walkie talkie goes back to the hotel, and the remaining three go to: ~~Marian~~, ~~Margot~~, and ~~Lou~~. They use the walkie talkies on channel 11 all day to shuffle people around, back and forth as one ~~kid~~ wants to do this ride while his ~~sister~~ wants to do something else. Around and around they go, putting miles of wear on their shoes, making silly faces for the cameras on the rides and purchasing only the very best ones to put on the wall back home. The ~~babies~~ sleep back in the hotel room with ~~Charlotte~~, and plans are made to meet back up for dinner. There’s a diner outside of their hotel that they want to try out and it’s bound to be less expensive than the food in the park, and around six or so they head for the exit. [[EXIT THE PARK, DAY ONE]]

When they got back from the park (after being reminded that the five-block walk seems longer each additional time that you do it), ~~Lou~~ left the group to their evening preparations and went back to her own room to change into a clean shirt. Since she had the time, she washed the shirt she had been wearing in the sink and hung it on the collapsible line in the shower. The weather was already much hotter than she had expected, half of her shirts wouldn’t be any good this week so she’d have to make do with the few that were suitable. She went to the window that didn’t open and peered out by smushing her face against the glass. Ten floors down she could see families splashing in the pool, a cargo van just arriving at the hotel entrance and unloading another family’s worth of luggage and people, already dressed in their themed merchandise. The diner they were meeting at was just past the pool, and she knew it would be at least thirty minutes until her family wrestled themselves into order, so she headed that way to see if she couldn’t grab a drink somewhere. [[FIND OUT IF THERE'S A HOTEL BAR]] [[GO TO THE DINER]]

At the front desk she stopped to ask if the hotel had a bar. The ~~man~~ at the desk leered at her, and said indeed they did. Just down the hallway. He was heading there, in fact, when he got off work in an hour. She said, gee, sounds great, and headed for the automatic front doors. [[GO TO THE DINER]]

The diner was quiet, either they had managed to plan around the dinner rush or this place just wasn’t popular with the ever-swarming tourists. Not authentically park-themed enough, she supposed. It looked exactly like most other diners that she’d ever been in, which was a very welcome and homey sight to her already sore eyes. The ~~hostess~~ saw her alone and asked, is your party already here? No, no, they’re coming in a little while, she answered. Ah, she said, winking, seat at the bar then? Yes. Yes please. [[HAVE A DRINK AND WAIT]]

~~Lou~~ was pacing herself, though it was difficult. She kept reminding herself that her family would be here any minute, and she had never enjoyed being drunk around them. Sometimes she and her ~~siblings~~ would get a little tipsy, but she only ever let herself get drunk around people she wasn’t related to. There was a degree of control she had to make absolutely sure she could maintain around them, and being drunk was just too risky. But she was tired, really tired, thanks to the hot weather, the miles of walking today, and the day of travelling yesterday, so two beers was a lot to have had in the course of an hour on an empty stomach. Just as she was considering ordering without them, putting some french fries or something into her body, the piercing alarm of the forgotten walkie talkie in her back pocket went off. Jesus christ, she muttered, after nearly falling off of the stool. The alarm continued and the few people in the restaurant turned to stare at whatever asshole was ruining their peace and quiet. She punched the various buttons on it and finally got it to stop. She clicked her microphone on and whisper yelled, what the fuck was that! Her ~~brother~~ answered, sorry! sorry! the ~~kids~~ hit the call button! She had totally forgotten about that feature, and wondered why her ~~sister~~ hadn’t just used that earlier today instead of hunting her down like a bloodhound. Okay, it’s okay it just scared the shit out of me. Where are you guys? We’re leaving the hotel room now, he answered. Trying to find ~~{YA}.~~ Does she not have a walkie talkie? No, she forgot it here next to her bed. ~~Lou~~ chuckled, yeah I’m sure she forgot it. I’m gonna *forget* mine tomorrow too. Ha ha, shut up. She’s not with you? Nope. She thought for a moment, you check the bar? Okay, he said, that’s not funny. [[PHIL]] [[THE BAR]]

~~Phil~~ had a similar idea to ~~Lou~~, but also had a roadblock in the form of her two ~~grandchildren~~ that she was sharing a room with. As much as she could go for an icy glass of tea, alone in a booth for a little while, these two were holding her entire breadth of attention. They had questions about everything, what’s this, what’s that. They pawed at her makeup bag, her shoes, her suitcase, her trash bin! She almost asked them if they had a search warrant but they were too young to understand it. Instead, she just watched, watched them be fascinated by the things that made up her every day routine. What does this do? Curls my eyelashes. What’s this? Blood pressure medicine. Does it taste bad? It doesn’t taste like anything. Why? I’m not sure. What’s this? A snack for later. Where did you get it? The lobby. I want a snack from the lobby! Okay, we can get you one after dinner. When is dinner? As soon as everyone is ready. When will everyone be ready? I’m not sure. You could call your ~~mom’s ~~room and ask. What’s her room number? 754. How do I dial it? Here let me show you. [[THE BAR]]

Even to her inexperienced eyes, the bar looked sad. Though it still held that note of excitement due to her venturing into space where she wasn’t *technically* allowed to be, the three middle aged men that served as the only patrons in the dimly lit space brought the mood down. Not because they made her feel strange in anyway, but because of how clearly depressed they looked. So sunk into their individual storms that they didn’t even notice her walk in. The woman ~~bartender~~ noticed instantly though, and she motioned firmly for her to come over to the bar. She almost turned and walked back out, but she remembered that her ~~parents~~ certainly wouldn’t be downstairs yet, so she walked forward, fully prepared to run for the door if need be. You’re underage, the ~~bartender~~ said. She was wearing a cutoff shirt and Levi’s, absentmindedly wiping a stack of glasses and putting them away on a tall shelf. The keys on her belt loop rattled as she moved. ~~{YA}~~ considered lying but wasn’t actually interested in a drink, so she just said, yeah. So...? ~~{YA}~~ shrugged. Bored stiff? She considered this. Kind of, yeah. The ~~bartender~~ nodded, lots of kids like you try and lie their way into getting a drink here, but I can’t really blame them. Is that what you were going to try to do? She shook her head, no, I’m just looking around. The bartender considered this. Hm, well, we have a pinball machine, if you want to use that. Not much else in the hotel other than that. She glanced around and found it in the corner by the door she had walked through. Need some quarters? ~~{YA}~~ searched her shoulder bag and found a single, crumpled five-dollar bill, retrieved it, flattened it, and offered it to the ~~bartender~~. Nah, here just take some, she pushed a button that opened the till and fished out a small pile of quarters. As she transferred their weight to ~~{YA}’s~~ hand, she asked her if she wanted a soda. Uh sure, thank you. She smiled at her, made her way over to the pinball machine. [[PLAY FOR A WHILE, THEN GO BACK TO THE LOBBY]]

What? Are you a cop? Why do you care? [[WALK INTO THE HOTEL BAR]]

~~{YA}~~ resurfaced in the lobby and found ~~Grandma Phil~~ waiting there with her two charges. ~~Phil~~ asked her what she had been up to, and she answered, playing pinball. ~~Phil~~ looked behind her and her eyes landed on the sign that said **hotel bar**. Playing pinball huh? She asked again. ~~{YA}~~ shrugged, there’s not really anyone back there. [[ENTER, THE REST OF THE FAMILY]]

Both sets of ~~parents~~ and the remaining ~~children~~ emerged from the elevator and spilled into the lobby. There you are! ~~Charlotte~~ said to her ~~daughter~~, where were you? She was in the arcade, ~~Phil~~ replied breezily. Oh, ~~Charlotte~~ nodded, appeased, fun! She moved on to addressing her ~~children~~ one final time, imploring them to behave at the restaurant. When ~~{YA}~~ looked up at ~~Phil~~, she was met with a quick wink, so fast she almost missed it. [[JOIN THE ~~AUNT~~]]

The ~~patrons~~ who hadn’t appreciated the alarm of the ~~Lou's~~ walkie talkie were dismayed to observe the other eighteen members of her party enter the previously quiet diner soon after. Gone were those few moments of solace free from cartoon characters and parade music. She found herself slightly too tipsy to act exactly as she wanted to, but managed okay, she thought, given the circumstances. Everyone was too distracted to pay attention to anyone else anyway. She was almost more alone than she had been five minutes ago, she had been absorbed by the sheer mass of them, disguised within their sounds and movements, the people who had noticed her before lost all track of her now. [[ORDER]]

Dinners like this pass in a blur. Plates of cheeseburgers and pancakes get crowded together and someone’s order is always slightly wrong but not wrong enough to send it back, just wrong enough for everyone to talk about it for the rest of the night. ~~Phil~~ orders a BLT and ~~{YA}~~ finds herself wishing she had ordered that, the crisp crunch of it across the table making her mouth water while the chicken strips she ordered feel like crumbling sand in her mouth. The fries are okay, and she pacifies herself by trading various pieces of her meal and extras to get all of her siblings’ sides of ranch dressing. ~~Dad~~ and ~~Dad~~ are comparing their double stacked burgers, both ~~Mom’s~~ and ~~Grandma’s~~ are rolling their eyes. ~~Bert~~ orders a steak, which strikes ~~Phil~~ as absurd. She’s proven right when it lands at the table well beyond well-done, resembling an oblong hockey puck, and his polite manners keep him from complaining to the waitress. He, too, makes do with the fries. The ~~Mom’s~~ are happy though, they schemed together with the ~~Aunt~~ and ordered two things to split three ways, a massive chicken Caesar salad and cobb salad, all rejoicing in tracking down some fresh vegetables in this sea of pretzels and corndogs. Both sets of parents order glasses of cheap wine, but the ~~Dad’s~~ refill theirs while their wives do not. Tonight the ~~Dad’s~~ are staying in with the younger ~~kids~~ while ~~Mom’s~~ and the older ~~kids~~ go back to the park, so they’re taking their chance to relax while they can get it. The ~~grandparents~~ haven’t decided what they’ll do yet, but ~~Lou~~ says that she can’t imagine why they wouldn’t want to get a little rest while they had a chance to grab it. She says this pointedly, making a face at her ~~sister~~ who is adamant about dragging her along with the group tonight. Her ~~sister~~ had asked, it’s the first night, how you can already be tired?! [[NIGHT RIDES, DAY ONE]]

After those who had not previously switched sandals for sneakers did so, and after ~~Lou~~ silently debated whether or not she had time for a shot in the hotel bar (she did not), they set out for the park, making the third of four guaranteed treks across the five blocks and through the massive entrance plaza. By the last night, they would be shuffling pitifully but for now, their abused feet and legs held up. Their quest was to ride the rides that the ~~babies~~ couldn’t go on, which was most of them, and to watch the fireworks show the happened above the artificial lake. The lines were long and dark, most line games were rendered inoperable, and tiredness made them all skirt around conversation. The ~~kids~~ talked about their plans for the coming days, which rides were high priority repeaters and which they barely felt the need to do once. The ~~mom’s~~, ~~Marian~~, and ~~Lou~~ talked about the weather, how poorly they had all packed, how nice it was to get away from home for a little while. ~~Charlotte~~ asked her ~~mom~~ about work, and they discussed some previously relayed story’s newest developments. ~~Lou~~ hadn’t heard that story, and didn’t feel like listening to a saga start to finish at the moment, so she asked ~~Margot~~ if she’d read any good books lately. It was a thing they had bonded over in the past, though their tastes weren’t similar, by any means, they both appreciated texts that were unusual, that you wouldn’t necessarily find on any of Oprah’s lists. They all passed the time in this way, stopping to ponder dessert possibilities and which ride should be next, collecting any good ride photos in ~~Charlotte’s~~ bag, and crying out in unison when the first firework burst into the night. They turned and made their way in the proper direction, planning to just stop as close as they could get and enjoy the show from wherever they were. They had plenty of days to plan to stake out a better spot for a different show, tonight was about having an excess of time splayed out before you. They were set out to relish in that excess. [[SURVIVE A HUMAN STAMPEDE]]

The chaos after the show ends is unlike any other sort of chaos in the world. The vast expanse of overheated bodies occupying a single, semi-open space is hard to comprehend. People stream this way and that, convinced that they have found a shortcut that somehow eluded the thousands of other people trying to exit the park at that moment. Park employees try to signal to everyone the most efficient way to exit but no one listens. ~~Lou~~ is clutching the hand of her 8- and 10-year-old- ~~niece~~ and ~~nephew~~, following her ~~sister~~ by keeping firm sight of her wavy head of hair a few yards in front of her. They tried making a single file line, but almost lost ~~Marian~~ that way (she had begun following a different weaving line of people somehow and they’d had to shout across the way to draw her eyes back to them), so they moved to latching on to each other in these small groups, constellations in a crushing avalanche of stars. They make it close to the exit, but ~~{YA}~~ suddenly realizes that she’s dying to have a caramel apple. They all grant her this, she hasn’t asked for much of anything since they arrived, and say they'll wait on a bench outside the store. After a few minutes, the ~~kids~~ decree that they, also in fact, need caramel apples. ~~Grandma~~ and ~~Charlotte~~ say they’ll go inside, if ~~Lou~~ doesn’t mind sitting with the ~~kids~~. At this the ~~kids~~ erupt, no one must pick their apples but them! So the entire crew goes, diving headlong into the shop. ~~Lou~~ doesn't want a sweet, instead lags behind when she spots one of those machines that squishes pennies. She calls after them that she'll meet them outside when they're done. She slots a penny and a quarter into the mechanism, pushes it in to get that satisfying *ker-chunk* noise, and watches the two wheels trap the offered penny between them, slowly rotating, squeezing the coin flat without so much as stuttering. It's still warm when she retrives it from the recepticle. Two kids lined up behind her during this, the jingling coins in their small hands conveying their excitement frantically to her ears. She sidesteps and lets them have their turn, threading through the crowd back out to the sidewalk, where she picks a spot to stand and wait. It only takes another couple of minutes before it becomes too much for her though. She can’t stand family after family, pushing strollers and dragging along tired ~~children~~ and tossing their garbage to the ground and yelling at each other and pushing and shoving person after person trying to get out just a second or two sooner than them, she has to retreat. She has to remove herself from this. {embed image: 'Assets/Art/penny.jpg'} [[FIND SOMEWHERE QUIET(ER)]]

She backs along the side of the sweet shop, still in sight of the entrance, but then the park employees open up a shortcut, a real one this time, that is quickly just as flooded as the main path, if not more so since some of these people have clearly determined that no one should be allowed to leave more quickly than them, and she’s forced to scramble her way back even further. She sees now that it won’t be possible to get back to the sweet shop entrance now, not for quite a while anyway, not without elbowing her way through the muck. One glance towards the exit tells her that somehow this shortcut actually made exiting even more difficult and slow, so she gives up all together and turns around, set to wander until she can foreseeably exit with her dignity intact. In ten minutes or so, after she’s found a part of the park that is strangely dark and secluded, populated only by a few families who are determined to make the most of their last night, her ~~sister~~ radios her and asks where she went off to. She explains, and asks if it’s any better. No, her ~~sister~~ says, in fact it might be worse. They both sigh, I’ll keep wandering then I suppose, she tells her. ~~Charlotte~~ says she’d come find her, but her kids are already complaining about having to walk so far back. They’ll see her in the morning, radio if she needs them, okay? [[FIND SOME SOLACE]]

Her wandering takes her around an unfamiliar, deserted corner, and she abruptly comes upon a little area designated with a sign as the only smoking area in the park. At this hour, there’s only a few people there, and she finds it strangely hilarious that even a place as controlled and obsessively polished as this can’t find a better way to whisk away all of the smokers to somewhere unseen, though she assumes they’d certainly like to. She bums a cigarette from a ~~woman~~ who is also holding a walkie talkie, so she pulls hers out and jokingly says, channel 8 was a doozy today, huh? The ~~woman~~ stares back blankly, clearly not in on the joke. The ~~Aunt~~ apologetically smiles, and thanks her for the cigarette. She finds a perch along the short wall surrounding them and realizes that she doesn’t have a lighter. As this realization crosses her mind, it must also cross her face because the ~~man~~ nearest her laughs and tosses her one. She chuckles as well, uses it, and tosses it back. Funny how it was this that patched up a little bit of her lost faith. {embed image: "Assets/Art/lighter.jpg"} [[LET YOUR MIND CAST WAY, WAY OUT]]

The ~~aunt~~, perched fairly comfortably, looks out over this section of the park and lets her mind wander. Another person arrives in their section, quickly smokes and leaves, and slowly those who were there before her depart, eventually leaving just her there, alone on her perch. The stars are barely visibly with all of this surrounding light and the moon is just a sliver. She thinks absently to the week lying in wait for her and is surprised at how far her stomach sinks. She loves her ~~family~~, why is there such dread clouding around her? She feels like she might burst into tears, right there in the banished smoker’s section, alone in a theme park on a Tuesday night, not even a lighter to keep her company. This thought pulls her up short. Did she have anything to keep her company? Anyone? Here, or at home? [[CATASTROPHIZE A LITTLE]]

Her mental cataloguing of possessions, of friends, of family, leaves her feeling even more desperately lonely than before. Oh god, she really is going to cry. A dramatic sobriety falls over her, so dramatic that it almost feels like she’s actually drunk, and she clenches her fists together tight enough to make crescent-moons in her palms with her fingernails, matching the sliver of moon in the sky. She breathes deep, holds it, releases it slowly. Repeats. She wonders if the smoker’s all saw this coming and escaped while they could. She wonder’s at how she could have such a dumb, self-centered thought. [[REALIZE THE WALKIE-TALKIE IS JAMMED UNCOMFORTABLY IN POCKET]]

The walkie talkie is squeezed awkwardly in her pocket into her leg so she takes it out and sets it onto her lap. She flips idly through the channels, stopping to listen to families communicating their plans for bedtime, for getting back to the hotel, for meeting in the morning. It makes her laugh when she reaches channel 8 and not a soul can be heard. The day’s barrage made way for silence. She clicks her microphone on, breaks the silence, says, hellooo. Nothing hears her, or at least, nothing answers. Hello, hello! Some crickets chirp near her, a frog ribbits. She wonders at their being no mosquitos so close to all these fake lakes. Nobody’s there huh, she mutters. Trees rustle gently. Well, she clicks the microphone back on, in case anyone accidentally left this on near their bed and is asleep, I won’t wake you, here’s some nighttime noises for your dreams. [[CLICK THE TALK BUTTON]]

She holds her finger down on the button. [[HOLD FOR A FEW MINUTES]]

She holds her finger down on the button. [[HOLD FOR FIVE MINUTES]]

She holds her finger down on the button. [[HOLD FOR TEN MINUTES]]

She holds her finger down on the button. [[LOSE TRACK OF HOW LONG YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING THE BUTTON]]

She lets go and observes the near-silence anew, surprised to realize that she can’t hear much of the ever-present music being piped through an invisible speaker in every wall. Or, maybe after a day of it, her brain has tuned it out so that she just can’t hear it anymore. She listens more closely and becomes sure that this is the case. But she can't really be sure. [[CONSULT THE WALKIE-TALKIE]]

She clicks the microphone on again, okay, wait, one thing before I let you dream in peace, can you hear any music? Or just the crickets and the trees and the frog and the water? She holds the walkie talkie in the air, a more accurate position, she feels, for capturing any sound reaching her ears. After a minute or two, she lowers her arm and asks again, is there any music, am I crazy? [[PROBABLY]]

She waits, almost actually expecting a response. Ah, it really is just me then isn’t it, she thinks. [[WHO ELSE?]]

~~*Crackle.*~~ Her eyes go wide. [[LISTEN]]

~~*Static*~~ Then, *no, no music.* Pause. *Just nighttime noises.* [[WELL, THAT'S SOMETHING AT LEAST]]

She waits a few moments, the clicks the microphone back on. Thank you. Goodnight. [[LISTEN TO THE CRICKETS]]

~~*Static*~~ *Goodnight.* [[END DAY ONE]]

{embed image: 'Assets/Art/daytwo.jpg'} [[BEGIN DAY TWO]]

Blaring morning is back again, the sights and smells engineered to be identical every day in this place. ~~Phil~~ is beginning to see that that’s the appeal of this place to most people, it’s unchangeability. It’s impossible steadfastness. No surprises, no detours, plans can be made and executed, relied upon. She’s not quite that extreme in her habits, but she understands how one might start to sway that way over the years. Her ~~daughter~~ isn’t really that way at all but of course she’s just here because the ~~kids~~ begged her, desperately, for months on end. It’s not a place she would ever have chosen for a vacation, not even as a ~~family~~, not even when she and her ~~ex-husband~~ had been together. She imagines that it came up through her ~~son-in-law~~ and his ~~family~~, though she hasn’t really cared to ask. [[MORNING ROUTINE PONDERINGS]]

Her own habits are finely-tuned, yes, but still changeable. As the seasons and times shift, so does her daily life. It’s a thing she’s proud of, this trained flexibility that bends only to her own pulses, not something someone else’s imagined schedule can make her feel guilty for, not anymore. So, this morning, she does exactly as she does every morning, gets her black coffee, and goes for a walk, retrieves the paper somewhere along the way. If it’s raining particularly hard, she abstains from the walk. There’s a specific pair of shoes she has for this exercise though maybe not what you’d expect. She buys a new pair of every couple of years, it usually takes her that long to begin to wear the soles down enough to look shabby, in various colors, but always clogs with a cork sole. She’s not at all one of those people who wears “exercise clothes”, she grimaces to herself whenever she passes an overeager, pony-tailed mob of them. It’s all crisp linens, cottons, silks, and wool for her, each piece pressed within an inch of its life, tailored, yes, but just-so. She likes to feel the weather, the wind, the heat, no matter how dramatic, at least for these twenty-or-so minutes in the morning. She uses it to calibrate her entire day, and without it the rest of the day is permanently askew. In her own neighborhood there are four or five options for picking up a second cup of coffee and a newspaper, sometimes a pastry, within the dozen blocks in reach of this short walk. Here, though there are many, many more people starting their days within a mere block of her than there are in her entire neighborhood, hotel lobbies are the only place to find a paper and hotel coffee stands are swarmed with the hundreds of people, desperate for a caffeine crutch for their mornings. Safe to say that she isn’t especially pleased with her mornings spent in this place so far, and it’s only made worse when her ~~daughter~~ intercepts her on her way back to her room, and is appalled to find that she’s left her ~~grandchildren~~ sleeping in the room alone. [[ARGUE]]

They’re nine and four for god’s sake, I was babysitting infants when I was nine! Plus, they’re asleep, it’s six-thirty in the morning after all. What should I have done, take them with me? Her ~~daughter~~ shakes her head in dismay, you should’ve stayed in the room with them! What was so important at six-thirty in the morning that you had to leave your ~~grandchildren~~ alone?! ~~Phil~~ merely shrugs her shoulders, I’m not going to drop my every habit just to alleviate silly anxieties. If you don’t want them to be alone in my room, I can bring them to your room in the morning when I wake up. Her ~~daughter~~ glares at her, and what, wake them up at sunrise because you can’t just drink the coffee in your room? Her ~~mother~~ smirks, asks her, do you not have any habits of your own anymore? Have you really dropped them all? ~~Margot~~ has had enough of this tired conversation, the same they always have when it comes to ~~kids~~, so she throws her hands in the air and goes back to her own room. She’ll send her ~~husband~~ to collect them in the mornings and they won’t speak of it again. ~~Phil~~ opens her door, checks on the sleeping ~~children~~, and sits down at the table to read the paper. [[GO WITH ~~MARGOT~~]]

~~Margot~~ relays a shortened version of the already short conversation she just had with her ~~mother~~. Her ~~husband~~ stares blankly as she finishes, unsure, as always, how exactly to respond. If he’s too ruthless, her daughterly loyalty kicks in and flips her against him, and if his remarks are too placid, she asks him if he could please just try to pretend like he gives a fuck? He ponders his course of action, waits a few moments longer than she wants him to. Finally, well… it’s not exactly a normal situation, we probably should have all talked about how we would handle mornings, since everyone is so split up. She glares at him, revealing the mood that will follow her for most of the day, but says nothing in response. Instead, she turns to address her ~~toddler~~, who has been methodically, carefully, shredding an entire roll of toilet paper as they talked. [[NEXT HOTEL ROOM]]

~~{YA}~~ wonders to herself, as she lies buried under the covers in her ~~parent’s~~ room, when the hotel bar opens. Does it close? She’s really not sure. Her ~~baby brother~~ is babbling, approaching the side of the bed where her barely-visible face is framed in the hotel blankets. When he gets there, he stares directly into her sleepy, sideways eyes, gazing for so long that she starts to wonder what he might think is staring back at him. He tries to stroke her hair, like she does to him, but accidentally sticks a finger in her eye. She squints, and he taps the bed with his chubby hand twice, three times. She lifts the blanket and pulls him in, delighting quietly in his victorious noises. He settles in for a brief rest, mimicking her closed eyes and giggling to himself, storing up enough power to pull his ~~father’s~~ open suitcase off of the bed in a few minutes, which will send a box of band-aids flying into the air before they crash against a chair leg, spilling two dozen of them across the similarly spilled contents of his bag. [[~~CHARLOTTE~~]]

~~Charlotte~~ is trying to squeeze in a little bit of work before the day starts, or really just before her tiny ~~son~~ wreaks the havoc he does every morning, her ear-shattering alarm clock. She finishes the last thing on the page and mentally makes a note to locate the hotel’s fax machine just before the suitcase comes tumbling off of the bed. [[~~LOU~~]]

~~Lou~~ is still asleep, only having been that way for about four hours now, and doesn’t have an alarm set. Either the phone or the walkie talkies will wake her up, though leaving the walkie talkie on all night means it will need new batteries today, which she doesn’t have. Her ~~sister~~ does, of course, but she doesn’t. After she had made it back to her room, midnight-or-so at that point, she had showered, dressed, went to the vending machine, inserted two quarters for some peanut M&M’s, filled her ice bucket, and went back to her room. Once back, she wondered why she had gotten ice, she couldn’t remember what had prompted her to take the bucket with her. An hour later, as she laid in bed trying to fall asleep, she remembered that when in the shower, she had thought it would be nice to soak her feet in an ice bath. Since sleep seemingly would not come for her, she turned the light next to her bed back on, and dumped the half-melted bucket of ice into cold water in the plugged bathtub. She sat there on side of the tub, reading a thick novel, until her body started to ache and cramp, then pulled the plug, dried her feet off, and tried for sleep again. After a while, she drifted off. [[~~MARIAN~~]]

~~Marian~~, assisted by her ~~son~~, is visiting each of their rooms to take a group coffee order. She’s eager to avoid the ice cream incident of yesterday and extremely happy to have the chance to treat so many people. Her ~~daughter’s~~ room requests one black coffee, one with cream and sugar, one mocha, and a muffin, of any sort. Her ~~son’s~~ room, he relays, two coffees with cream. ~~Phil~~ politely declines, but her two charges each ask for a muffin, blueberry only. ~~Grandpa~~ wants black coffee, as always, ~~Grandma~~ doesn’t ask, and when they knock on ~~Lou’s~~ room it takes them a minute or two to get a coherent acknowledgement out of her. When she finally opens the door, blanket draped all around her like a babushka, she asks for one very large black coffee. Her ~~brother~~ makes an easy joke about her being hungover and she laughs before telling him that it’s just boring old insomnia instead. Her ~~brother~~ and ~~mom~~ nod, they guessed this. [[COFFEE ORDER]]

They’re off, day two is in full swing. It’s even hotter than the previous day and as the ~~kids~~ are walking to the front gate, they’re half-heartedly trying to dodge their ~~parents’~~ hands, which are cupped full of sunscreen. The smaller the child, the more sunscreen it seems, with the two toddlers, now ghost-like, as the primary victims. The ~~adults~~ pass bottles of it around, smearing a little on their necks, the tips of their ears, the bridges of their noses. ~~Ben~~ says he doesn’t need any, one good burn is all he needs for the year and then he’s set, and nearly everyone present trips over themselves to be the first to remind him that turning a lovely shade of lobster every year is not a sustainable strategy. He pointedly ignores them. [[DAY TWO PLANS]]

Day two is the first serious day at the park. Everyone is settled in, first rides have been done, and now it’s time for strategy. Little kid rides, baby rides as the ~~eleven-year-old~~ dubs them, come first so the ~~babies~~ themselves can get back for a good nap in the early afternoon. Unfortunately, that’s every other visitor’s plan of attack as well, which means the lines to the baby rides get vicious, quickly. The family considers sending the ~~Dads~~ on ahead to hold a place in line, but ~~{YA}~~ protests because worming that many people through a full line with a measly: excuse me, my family is already in line, just up there, sorry! is the worst possible scenario she can think of for the start of her day. She refuses outright. ~~Phil~~ is pleased to support this stance, and without them that idea gets tossed out. As they hand over their tickets at the gate, finally at the front of the first line of the day, they consider just flat running to the first ride, but ~~Lou~~ smoothly vetoes that. Someone could trip while holding the baby. ~~Grandma Marian~~ nods and says, alright, we’ll just walk fast! So, off they go. Halfway there ~~Grandpa Bert~~ wheezes, go on ahead, *I’ll catch up!* His ~~daughter~~ passes him a walkie talkie, we’re doing channel 11 again today! Okay, okay, he breathes, already bracing himself on his knees before they’ve rounded the next corner. They gallop on, past the popcorn carts and around a slower family trying to do the same thing, and as soon she passes that family, ~~Marian~~ seems to kick into a new gear and begins to edge far out in front of their own group. As ~~Phil~~ sees *that* happening, she begs off. I’m right behind you, she says, and cuts off ~~Charlotte~~ by saying, yes eleven, alright, when handed a walkie talkie. Do you still have yours? ~~Charlotte~~ asks ~~Lou~~. She nods, slightly out of breath, then adds, do you have more batteries? Of course, of course I do, she answers. She retrieves two AA batteries from her fanny pack and jams them into her ~~sister’s~~ hand, relinquishing them just in time to pull her arm out of the way of a pack of kids running the opposite direction. ~~Lou~~ makes a shocked face, you almost took that kid’s head off! Her ~~sister~~ shrugs, saves her breath. [[REMEMBER TO LOCK THE STROLLERS BEFORE GETTING IN LINE]]

They arrived in a sweaty, SPF-50-lathered heap at the first ride and frantically unearthed combination locks and backpacks and sippy cups from the stroller baskets. ~~{YA}~~ stood apart from them, staring obliquely from behind her tiny sunglasses. Maybe the people passing by would assume she wasn’t part of this noisy group, that she was far too calm to belong to this chaos. She couldn’t realize then that most adults know exactly what’s happening when they see a teenage-ish someone standing ten feet away from a messy crowd of a family. As they strapped diaper bags onto their backs and locks to the strollers, she straightened her handmade friendship bracelets, applied a layer of lip gloss, waited. A large family with what looked like two sets of twins showed up, no cumbersome strollers to deal with, and she motioned for them to go on ahead of them in line. Her thirteen-year-old ~~brother~~ noticed this and cried, traitor! [[GET IN LINE]]

They entered the line, and by that time ~~Phil~~ had caught up and handed a walkie talkie back to ~~Charlotte~~, and ~~Bert~~ was spotted faintly in the distance. When he eventually arrived they were deep into the line, but he had zero shyness about folding his body clunkily around other families, saying excuse me, pardon me, my ~~family~~ is just up there, yeah, sorry, excuse me. Reunited once more, they settled in for the second wait of the day. [[HURRY UP AND WAIT]]

This was one of the older rides, so its décor was made out of carved wood, simple painted backgrounds, clever uses of light bulbs, paper mâché, mechanical puppets, and so on. The ~~toddlers~~ were enthralled but they were the only ones. The music began its second rotation. The line inched forward, they rounded one roped off corner. How many years has it been since you’ve been here? ~~Michael~~ turns to ask ~~Lou~~. We were trying to figure it out yesterday but couldn’t remember. She makes a pondering noise, pauses slightly, she’s braiding ~~{YA}’s~~ hair, and answers, you know, I’m really not sure. Ten years? Ten years? Her ~~sister~~ cries, how is that possible? Five tiny suprised faces swivel to inspect her at this, they’re wondering as well why she would wait so long to return to such a magical place. She mentally edited her honest, knee-jerk response down to, I just haven’t really gone on vacation in a while. I was waiting to come back with all of you! She tickles the torso of two or three of them, they giggle, her answer is accepted. [[INCH FORWARD]]

Her ~~brother~~ says, well wait, it might be close to that many years for us as well. His ~~wife~~ thinks on it, yeah the ~~eleven-year-old~~ had just turned three, right? ~~Charlotte~~ nods at this, yes that’s right, I was due to have the ~~eight-year-old~~ just a couple of months later. She half-laughs, half-groans, my legs have never been so swollen, before or since that trip. ~~Ben~~ says, OH that’s right! I remember now. We tried to convince you to use a wheelchair and you threw ice cubes at us. Ice cubes! ~~Phil~~ interjects now, what?, having been listening and growing more and more confused. ~~Charlotte~~ shrugs, yeah, from my cup of lemonade. I didn’t need a wheelchair! ~~Phil~~ doesn’t answer this, instead turns to her ~~daughter~~ and says, I didn’t know you had come here before. Her ~~daughter~~ stares at her, bewildered and abruptly menacing, what do you mean? I came here with you long before that. ~~Phil~~ scoffs at this, no, we never came here. ~~Margot~~ balks, pauses, then turns wildly to her ~~family~~, who all freeze at the scent of conflict rising in the air, gives a half-strangled cry of, **what!** She picks her ~~toddler~~ up and turns away to ignore her ~~mother~~, trying to busy herself with some phantom problem to fidget with, but then, unable to contain herself, continues instead. We came here when I was eight! You and ~~Dad~~ had just split up! Her ~~mom~~ scoffs again. I wouldn’t have brought you here! [[HAVE A FIGHT IN LINE WITH STRANGERS PRESSED UP AGAINST YOUR ELBOWS]] [[PUT A PIN IN IT FOR LATER]]

~~Margot~~ looks as though her head might burst apart at this, she turns to her ~~husband~~ but he just mouths *what the fuck* from his position safely behind ~~Phil's~~ back. She debates for a moment, should she really dredge out all of her proof of this trip, right here, right now, in line for this god damn kids ride? The group rounds another roped off corner, getting deeper into the line now where it starts to tighten up, the party folds in on itself three or four times so she feels now like she’s standing at the front of a lecture hall, her pupils gazing at her and waiting, tensed for whatever’s next. They have nothing better to do after all, who gives a fuck how many other happy families are listening in. Then where did all of my souvenirs come from? The stuffed animal that was on my bed nearly all of my childhood that had the theme park’s name sewn into it? She tries to keep her voice level but is struggling with her control of it, the idea that her ~~mom~~ has totally forgotten this trip is absurd but it’s much worse and way weirder if she *does* remember but is claiming not to. ~~{YA}~~ is watching this with great curiosity. She has a hard time imagining ~~Phil~~ as a very young woman choosing to come to this place. But also, she has a hard time picturing her in the sort of marriage that she’s been told that she had been in, until the divorce. While ~~Margot~~ fumes, but her mother remains placid, completely stone cold. One of your friends gave it to you. [[NO?]]

Yeah, right. [[HAVE A FIGHT IN LINE WITH STRANGERS PRESSED UP AGAINST YOUR ELBOWS]]

At this, as they round another corner and find that they are very close to boarding the ride, so ~~Margot~~ abandons the topic. She’s known her ~~mother~~ long enough now to understand how this will end and the ~~kids~~ are starting to fuss. The ~~toddler~~ is set on his feet, the diaper bag is shifted to her ~~husband’s~~ shoulder, she takes a deep breath, then another, and turns to ~~Lou~~, picking up the thread right where it had been dropped, so, *breath*, ten years huh? ~~Lou~~ glances around warily, pauses, yeah, ten years. A lot has changed! Oh, really! ~~Charlotte~~ jumps in, happy to yank them all over this speed bump. It’s hard to keep track when we come here so much, what’s the biggest change you’ve noticed? She considered saying, well, it’s a small bit less blatantly racist. Or, the hotels have hogged so much property now that the people who work here can’t even live in the same town anymore. But instead she said, well clearly you can’t even get a half-decent steak within ten miles of the place anymore! Her ~~father’s~~ dozing head jerked up at that, pulling him from the half-nap he had been managing while leaning ever-so-slightly on every wall they passed, laughing and raising his hand for a high-five as they divided into groups of four and five to board the ride cars where he could continue his nap in peace. [[NEXT RIDE]]

They went on the carousel after that, because the line was short and it was near where the strollers were locked up. The ~~kids~~ scrambled around the huge platform, searching out the exact horse they wanted, down to the perfectly colored decorative ribbon and saddle, while their ~~parents~~ tried to keep track of all nine of them. ~~{YA}~~ perched on a dove-gray horse next to ~~Lou’s~~ speckled brown and white one, and ~~Phil’s~~ black one. The three of them watched the rest of their ~~family~~ sprint around, narrowly missing other kids and parents doing the exact same thing. ~~Grandma Marian~~ snagged the ~~eight-and-nine-year-old~~ and got them sat on a matching set of white horses before placing herself in the sleigh the was positioned behind them. She told them, take me to the ball! Onward! And they laughed enthusiastically at that, quickly settling into their characters, pretending to straighten waistcoats and buttons before holding their hands out in front of them to grasp imaginary reigns. They chuckled as they watched, and were surprised when the ~~thirteen-year-old~~ broke off from her trio to take the fourth horse in the line next to them, another speckled one. The carousel started turning, and ~~{YA}~~ could hear her ~~Grandpa~~ from wherever he was, out of sight but rarely out of earshot, doing a bit that she remembered from her own childhood, something about a horse on a farm, a tractor stuck in the mud. [[GIDDY-UP!]]

~~{YA}~~ wanted to know more about the conversation that had happened earlier, but was smart enough to avoid bringing it up directly. Instead she asked her ~~aunt~~ where her favorite place to vacation was. Oh, I’m not sure, she said, I haven’t gone all that many places really. ~~Phil~~ jumped in without prompting, I love anywhere near the sea. They both nodded at this, a perfect answer. With cold or hot weather, ~~{YA}~~ wanted to know. Either, though I prefer cold usually. There’s a certain quality that a cold beach has that few other places do. ~~Lou~~ understood. A wildness, an indifference to your presence. ~~Phil~~ turned to her, faintly surprised, and smiled. Yes, exactly. To enjoy a warm beach is easy, to enjoy a cold beach is something else. ~~{YA}~~ nodded and smiled as if she knew exactly what she meant, but she couldn’t quite grasp why you would seek out something that’s indifferent to you when the entire world is already so eager to show its indifference to your life. She wanted to go somewhere where her presence was a marvel, wanted to be somewhere that opened its arms to her. College tried to do that in some ways, with all of the endless events and forums and clubs and resources all meant to enable her to create a whole new world for herself. But, try as they might, it’s tough to feel special in a sea of thousands of students. She’s but one fish in a school. [[ANXIETY RISING]]

The carousel went around and around, the park blurred gently at the edges and ~~Lou~~ tried to let the blurring continue long after it stopped. She wanted to have fun, here with her family, but the surroundings were making it difficult. It felt as though she hadn’t gotten one whiff of fresh air since she’d landed. In the mental map of the park in her mind she searched for a place of refuge, anyplace set out of the way of the major attractions and stroller lock-ups and photo-op sets and shops, but nothing came to mind. She sighed, hopped of her skewered horse, and followed her niece to the exit. [[MORE FUN!!]]

Next was a ride that took them through a glow-in-the-dark tunnel, then a boat ride around a tiny-toy river, then time for a snack, soft pretzels and popcorn all around, then a tiny-train ride, then a ride where the goal is to spin your small car as fast as your arms will let you, and when they exited this disorienting experience the ~~four-year-old~~ promptly bent over and puked on ~~Marian’s~~ shoes. Her voice sharply cried AH YOU- before dropping into a strained, *couldn’t have aimed for the bushes??* ~~Michael~~ scooped his child up, soothed his surprised tears as ~~Margot~~ went in search of water. ~~Grandma Marian~~ stood where she was, miserable and suddenly dog-tired. She turned to her ~~husband~~, go into that shop and buy me a pair of shoes, any shoes. He stared at her blankly and said, how am I supposed to do that? I don’t know what kind of shoes you like. A gust of frigid wind, imagined, but knife-sharp, swept through their group as she ground out: **~~any. shoes. buy me. any. pair. of. shoes.~~** ~~Grandpa Bert~~ backed slowly toward the store, frightened into action but still floundering. **~~Size six!~~** She shrieked, though he was still plenty close enough to hear her normal speaking voice. [[NOW WHAT?]]

The remaining members of the group stood there silently, other than the ~~four-year-old’s~~ sniffles. ~~Marian~~ turned to him now, there, there honey. It’s not your fault. We should’ve saved the snack for after that ride. At that she turned her eyes up to her ~~son~~ and blasted his features to stone. ~~Margot~~ returned first, instructing ~~Marian~~ to sit on the nearby fence and take her shoes off. Everyone stared at her shoes now, wondering how she was going to undo the laces. They were still frozen in this moment of inaction when ~~Bert~~ returned, flip flops in hand, the thick plastic tag still roping them together. Oh for fuck’s sake ~~Dad~~, you didn’t have them take the tag off. He looked at the sandals and apparently noticed the tag for the first time, oh. Now both ~~grandparents~~ were unsure of their next move, and the kids were losing interest rapidly. ~~Lou~~ yanked the sandals from his hand, retrieved a pocket knife from her jeans, cut the tag and held them out to her ~~mother~~. Sneakers off, she said. Now ~~Bert~~ had finally noticed her dilemma, the soiled shoelaces, and set out to rectify his contributions to the problem by bending to unlace the shoes himself. He gingerly pulled at them, wiggled the shoes off of her feet, then her socks, and placed them on the ground. Then ~~Margot~~ poured the water on her ~~mother-in-law’s~~ feet, and passed her a pile of napkins. Few words were exchanged during these moments, but once ~~Grandma Marian~~ had her new shoes on, she announced that all was well, they could move on to the next ride. The kids cheered valiantly but her ~~son~~ interrupted, what are we going to do with the puke-shoes? The ~~kids~~ immediately latched onto that, **PUKE-SHOES PUKE-SHOES PUKE-SHOES** and all the tension was released at once like a great, popped water balloon. I’ll run them back to the hotel, he volunteered, anyone have an extra plastic bag? ~~Charlotte~~ did, for stashing her purse in on water rides (to protect all of the ride photos, she was the one who carried them), so they flipped it inside out and used it like a doggy bag to scoop the shoes up. I’ll be right back, he said, and his sister handed him a walkie talkie, channel 11!!! {embed image: "Assets/Art/knife.jpg"} [[~~MICHAEL~~, EXIT STAGE LEFT]]

~~Michael~~ hadn’t made it very far when ~~Lou~~ appeared next to him at a jog, hey, she said, I’ll come too. They slowed, the task switching now from pure logistics to an opportunity for some respite. [[~~MICHAEL~~ AND ~~LOU~~]] [[BACK TO THE FAMILY]]

~~Phil~~ and ~~Margot~~ have reached a tentative peace in her ~~husband’s~~ absence. As lunch plans were brought up she needed all the help she could get organizing and settling her ~~children~~, and her ~~mother~~ stepped in to quickly re-establish a power balance. Both ~~women~~ instructed the ~~children~~ to voice their own ideas but to remain open to everyone else’s too. Obviously, this didn’t really work but it did narrow the options down to two. When put to a vote, the ~~kids~~ collectively chose the one that was farthest away, and when they compared notes with their ~~cousin’s~~ decision, half of ~~Margot’s~~ kids and half of ~~Charlotte’s~~ kids swapped sides, but still, they managed to settle on only two destinations instead of ten, so they counted it as a win. They only had one walkie talkie left, Charlotte kept it, so they agreed upon a meeting place, a ride that was somewhat in-between both places, for afterwards. ~~Margot~~ had both ~~Grandmas~~ with her and ~~Charlotte~~ had ~~Grandpa Bert~~. [[~~MICHAEL~~ AND ~~LOU~~]]

The ~~kids~~ started chanting puke-shoes again, she told him. He chuckled, ah, that’ll be one for the books. They made it to the center of the park, in view of the entrance, and set their pace again a little slower than strictly necessary. How’s your room? He asked her. Oh it’s fine. Weird to have it all to myself though. Next time we’ll have to bunk a few ~~kids~~ with you then, he joked, elbowed her arm a little. She laughed. I don’t know how much they’d like that. You’re crazy, they think you’re so cool. They’d fight over the chance. Yeah, yeah, sure. He throws his arm around her shoulder, you’re still not used to being a cool ~~aunt~~, huh? Twenty years into it? Ha ha, I don’t know, she says, are you used to being a ~~dad~~? Nope, not at all! [[HOTEL]]

They finally make it back to the hotel, the automatic doors swish open, burp out recycled air, admit them into the lobby. The elevator takes a few minutes to come down, there’s only one in the place and they can see a number of ~~families~~ are checking out currently, or maybe checking in? ~~Lou~~ can’t remember if it’s too late to be checking out or too early to be checking in, but either way, it’s fairly crowded. How’s work been for you? She asks her ~~brother~~ when they finally step into the elevator. Oh, you know, same old stuff. Not boring, not thrilling. She nods, then asks, are you still doing shows and stuff with your band? Yeah! Yeah, we play some weekends at a beer garden downtown. ~~Margot~~ only gets to come every once in a while, but it’s still great. That’s really great, she tells him, I’m so glad. How about you? He asks, how's work and stuff? Oh, you know, ~~Lou~~ shrugs, nothing new. Are you still seeing that guy? Wait, what guy? ~~Lou~~ swivels her head to look at him, I was never seeing a guy? Oh, ~~Michael~~ is shuffling through his wallet, looking for the room key. ~~Mom~~ mentioned something to ~~Charlotte~~, I must have heard it wrong though. She rolled her eyes heavily, groaning internally, she was probably just talking about my coworker, *again*, who I am absolutely never going to date. That ugly, huh? He laughs. Just *not* my type. The elevator doors open clunkily, they turn down the hallway. They go to deposit the puke-shoes in his room, realizing as they try to find a place to put them that they can’t just leave them as they are. The room would be horrific to come back to. So they throw them under the faucet in the bathtub and let hot water run over them for a while. Neither wants to touch them, but each is silently thinking of all the times their ~~mother~~ cleaned disgusting things for them, and so are moved to each take a shoe, lather up a soapy washcloth, and scrub it down. After ten minutes or so of scrubbing and pretending to reach over to touch the other person with their half-gross, half-clean shoe, they feel they’ve done well enough and drop them under the faucet a last time. As the cool water runs in and around them, they share the sink and scrub their hands with far more soap than is necessary. Is this what parenthood is? Just cleaning barf all the time? Well, I mean, kind of. Yeah, I guess so. Cleaning all kinds of stuff you don’t want to. Washing sheets in the middle of the night, hosing down blankets in the driveway, all sorts of stuff. I imagine that eventually it’ll stop, or at least slow down, but hey, ~~Mom~~ would’ve been cleaning these shoes later if we hadn’t so, I guess it doesn’t actually ever stop. His ~~sister~~ hums thoughtfully. They dry their hands, turn off the faucet, close the hotel room door behind them. Thanks for helping me clean barf, he says. She laughs, I’m just glad he didn’t aim for my shoes. He looks down at her white sneakers. But they’re dirty already, they could’ve used the cleaning! She shoves him, I like them that way. On the elevator ride back down there’s a few other people in there with them. Once they reach the lobby, they have to edge around the sides of it to get to the doors as there’s somehow even more families packed into the small space now. They make room for an older woman to move past them toward the elevator, and then a younger woman makes room for them to move past her, ~~Lou’s~~ hand accidentally jangles the keys on her belt loop as she squeezes by and quickly apologizes, looks up to find her smirking back. Don’t worry about it. [[RETURN TO THE PARK]]

Once back in the park, ~~Michael~~ clicked his walkie talkie on, using it himself for the first time this trip to try and reach his ~~wife~~. His ~~sister~~ answered immediately, telling him of their lunch plans and meeting place. For a split-second he considered stalling, leaving his ~~wife~~ to handle lunch for their ~~kids~~, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He left ~~Lou~~ and made his way towards the restaurant his wife ~~had~~ said she was taking her group to. [[GO WITH ~~LOU~~]]

~~Lou~~, once alone, clicked her own walkie talkie back on, channel 11, and called for her ~~sister’s~~ attention again. ~~Charlie~~, where’s your group? She asked over the airwaves. *We’re eating soup in bread bowls not far from you.* Soup?? She asked incredulously, it’s 95 degrees out! Her ~~sister~~ replied, *hey, listen, if my kids will eat it I don’t care, soup it is.* *SOUP!* Another voice on the channel said. ~~Lou~~ laughed into her microphone, Who’s that? *It’s me.* Who, ~~{YA}?~~ *Yeah!* Where are you? *Getting coffee.* Where? *Not far from the soup gremlins.* Ha! The place by the theater? *Yeah, I think so.* ~~Charlotte~~ crackled back into the conversation, *Bring me some coffee please! Iced!* *Yeah, gotta cool down after all that soup*, her ~~daughter~~ snickered. *Shut it,* she laughed. Okay, ~~Lou~~ said, I’ll meet you there. *SOUP!* Yet another voice cried, *That better not be MY family I hear eating SOUP! No more barfing allowed today!!* ~~Michael~~ yelled into channel 11. [[ICED COFFEE TIME]]

~~{YA}~~ flagged her ~~aunt~~ down, she was easily spotted in the crowds of florescent colors and screaming children from her table under a wide red umbrella. ~~Lou~~ collapsed onto the open chair next to her and dramatically rasped, water, need water! She said, god it feels like a hundred and seventy-four out today doesn’t it. ~~{YA}~~ nodded, yeah, too bad we didn’t bring any sunscreen. ~~Lou~~ ordered iced coffee for herself, more to have something cold to press to her face than because she wanted it to drink, and sat back down under the umbrella. How bored are you so far? She asked her ~~niece~~. Why does everyone assume that I’m bored? Well, I guess I just don’t know how you could avoid it. In this situation at least. She thought about it. I’m not so sure if I’m bored here, specifically, or if I’m just bored with life. ~~Lou~~ mimed that she’d been shot through the chest, bored with life! At twenty! Then, well, what would make life not-boring? Just something interesting, that’s all. Anything. ~~Lou~~ tried her coffee, grimaced at the syrupy sweetness of too much caramel flavoring, and said gravely, sounds like you mean that you need a little bit of mischief. Ha, I don’t know about that. She nodded emphatically, oh, oh I do. That’s exactly what you need. A little bit of harmless, punk mischief. A tiny sprinkling of devilry. She stared at her meaningfully, just a smidge of it. How would I manage anything like that here? Ah, yeah. Tough to do here. It’ll be easier back at school. Break a few dumb rules, sneak in somewhere you’re not supposed to be, practice a really tearful apology. It’ll be a cinch. Here though, here you’ll have to get very creative. They take their rules quite seriously here. ~~{YA}~~ looked discouraged. Hey, chin up! She tells her, you’ll think of something. And I’ll let you know if I think of something too. Let’s bring this coffee to your ~~mom~~. [[YUM, SOUP]]

Okay, where are you ~~Charlie~~? *We’re next to the side door on the right, I mean your left, my right.* My left? *Yes, yours* Okay I still don’t see you. ***JOHN! ARE YOU THERE, JOHN!!*** Uhhh, ~~Charlie~~, I still can’t see you. ***JOHN!!!!!*** *Uh, okay, if you walk toward the entrance, go to the right—I mean left— and around the weird potted tree* Uh…okay… let’s see… ***JOHN ANSWER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*** God, okay I’m near the weird tree, oh! There you are! ***JOHN WHERE IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*** [[ESCAPE THE CLOGGED AIRWAVES]]

Christ that lady, ~~Lou~~ says to her ~~sister~~. I know, channel 11 is almost as bad today as 8 was yesterday. Thanks for the coffee. She waves her off, of course. Is it nap time yet? Her ~~sister~~ nods, yeah and we’ll probably have a few more takers today, we might be totally rid of the strollers for a few hours! We? She asks. Oh, yeah, we’re sending the ~~dads~~ for naps today, and me and ~~Margot~~ will stay with them tonight. ~~{YA}~~ had sat down near ~~Phil~~ and her oldest ~~cousin~~, who were discussing some class project he was working on. She began to make an effort to tune into it, but then realized that she didn’t actually want to, so she stopped, gazed up at the weird tree instead. A few brown birds were perched in its branches, waiting to swoop the abandoned bread bowl tops. Over the walkie talkie she heard a few scattered bits of conversation. That lady either found ~~John~~ or gave up on him as she was silent now, instead a couple of kids were talking to each other using code names, plotting to hijack their ~~parents~~ plans for the afternoon. It was hot, and they wanted to ride the water ride until they were finally cooled down. For some reason they thought this would be a tough thing to accomplish, but they were ready to take it on. A new voice blipped onto the channel, *~~Charlie~~?* Her ~~mom~~ and ~~aunt~~ perked up, ~~Michael~~? *Yeah, I can’t find anyone.* The two of them shrugged to each other, maybe they’re already done and waiting for us at the meeting spot. *Where’s that again,* he asked. Right outside the indoor rollercoaster, they told him. *Okay, when will you be heading that way?* ~~Charlotte~~ looked around at everyone’s plates, we can go there now, everyone is done. [[REGROUP]]

~~Margot~~ and company did show up soon after that, and everyone agreed that they’d do one more ride before the babies were taken back for a nap. ~~Grandma Marian~~ was going to go too, the sandals were killing her feet and she was sick of the THWICK-THWACK noise they made as she walked. She’d change her shoes and come back when the babies woke up. Upon hearing this, ~~Grandpa~~ also volunteered to go back, he wouldn’t mind resting his feet and catching the ball game on tv, after all. This dwindled the stay-in-the-park group to the ~~Mom’s~~, ~~Phil~~, ~~Lou~~, and the six oldest ~~kids~~. ~~Michael~~ held onto his walkie talkie, ~~Charlotte~~ kept two with her, and ~~Lou~~ kept hers, though they all switched to channel 12 in hopes of avoiding the ~~screaming lady.~~ Channel 12, okay! They yelled to each other as they split up, we’ll try that one! [[WATER RIDE]]

The heat was beginning to wear the whole group down. The way it reflected off of the brightly painted buildings and perfectly scrubbed concrete meant that there was little relief anywhere, every crook and corner baked steadily. They chose the water ride first, for this reason, though so did everyone else it seemed. How does this place only have one water ride, ~~Charlotte~~ groaned. The ~~kids~~ were taking turns flipping a line rope around and around its post, ~~{YA}~~ glared at the ground silently, ~~Phil~~ fanned her face with a park map with one hand, fanned her ~~daughter~~ with another, ~~Lou~~ was searching out any tiny sliver of a ledge to sit on, they all passed around the sunscreen and the adults applied it more liberally this time. They still had at least an hour’s wait ahead of them before they would even make it to the shaded part of the line, but no one could think of a better solution. There was no certain refuge apart from the hotel, and that was so far away. Everyone was cranky but no one wanted to admit it. ~~Charlotte~~ passed a water bottle to her ~~eldest~~, silently instructing her to stay hydrated. She frowned at this gesture. The water inside was hot and tasted like the plastic it was housed in. She thought forlornly back to the conversation about cold beaches, thought maybe she could understand it after all. [[CONTINUE TO BAKE IN LINE]]

This is hell, ~~Lou~~ finally said. Her ~~sister~~ waved her hand toward her to scold her, don’t talk like that in front of them. ~~Lou’s~~ mouth dropped open a little, you think they haven’t heard the word hell before? Of course they’ve heard it, but I don’t want them to think it’s okay to say. There are much worse things to say. I could’ve said that this fucking sucks. Her ~~sister’s~~ eyes opened wide, god would you just stop! The ~~kids~~ listened more interestedly now, a few swear words and ~~mom~~ angry at someone else was better than an old rope. ~~Lou~~ sighed, sorry, I’m just cranky. It’s too fucking hot. At this ~~Charlotte~~ grabbed the water bottle back from her ~~daughter~~, loosened the cap and flicked the bottle toward her ~~sister~~, unleashing a spurt of water. Hey! Well! ~~Lou~~ stopped, took stock of her wet shirt, her damp face. Feels kind of nice actually, she said. Her ~~sister~~ frowned steadily, but splashed her again. Hey! Alright I said kind of nice, jeez. The ~~kids~~ jumped in now, splash me! splash me Mom! Please! Please! Mom, please! She flicked the bottle at the group of them a few times to deafening cheers, but then accidentally splashed the couple in front of them who then turned to scowl at them all. ~~Charlotte~~ was subdued, screwed the cap back on the bottle and handed it back to her ~~daughter~~. [[FEEL THE SUN ACTIVELY CRISPING YOUR SKIN]]

~~Phil~~ said, I don’t know how much longer I can take this. They crawled forward a few feet, and got a better look at the line stretching out and around in front of them. They all groaned. Nope, can’t do it, she said. Give me a walkie talkie, I’ll catch up to you later. But ~~mom~~, ~~Margot~~ said. Nope, she held up her hand, give it to me. Okay, channel 12, got it, see you when you’re done. They all watched her miraculously disentangle herself from the line, then stride through the walkway until she disappeared into the crowd. Where do you think she’ll go? ~~Charlotte~~ asks ~~Margot~~. The bar, she says. ~~Lou~~ replies, yeah, uh, they don’t have one of those here, I checked. ~~{YA}~~ snorts at this. ~~Margot~~ says, believe me, she’ll find one. [[HELP ~~PHIL~~ FIND A BAR]] [[STAY IN LINE]]

In fact, she did find one, though she had to walk all the way to the neighboring strip of hotels to do so. Once over there she had plenty of options, and the park wasn’t so far away. If she could just get something with a pile of ice cubes in it, she would be happy. All the better if it was somewhere with shade. She settled on a place that made a show of offering a seemingly verdant, herbaceous tropical hideaway, though the reality of it didn’t quite hit that mark. When she walked up to the hostess stand, she noticed that most of the tables were occupied by one sole patron each, clearly others who had done the same thing as her. This place is extremely annoying in that way, it’s impossible to have an original thought. There’s always someone doing the same thing you think to do before you get a chance to do it. Some people are comforted by this, she supposes, though she can’t imagine why. Once seated, she doesn’t let the hostess leave without telling her to bring her a gin rickey. Please and thank you. [[WAIT FOR THE GIN RICKEY]]

She waits for it to arrive, taking the chance to clear her head of questions about classrooms and soccer practice, watching the nearly non-existent wind faintly stir the leaves of the banana tree close to her. The paper napkin on the table is used to dab her face, her neck, behind her ears, she straightens her watch, pulls at the wrinkles in her white button-down, much less crisp now than it was this morning. She thinks absentmindedly of how ill-suited she is to hot weather. The darkness of this shaded bar is a little disorienting after all of that blazing light. She realizes that her large sunglasses are still on her face and she removes them, collapses them, sets them on the table. She sees food being delivered to a table across the way from her, a small pile of edible flowers concealing whatever is underneath so it gives the illusion of a gift being delivered rather than a meal. Her drink arrives, filled to the brim with cubes of ice, which normally would irritate her, she’s not paying for a water after all, but today it’s an extremely soothing sight. She drinks deeply, checks her watch. Thirty minutes have already gone by. Strange. She feels like she just left them moments ago. Does she really have to go back as soon as they’re done with the ride? It’s unbearable to think of leaving her recently recovered comfort so soon. Perhaps she’ll just turn the walkie talkie off, disappear for a few hours, and then make a show of turning it back on, claiming it was all an accident. We’ll see, she thinks, and she takes a second, deeper, drink. [[DINNERTIME]]

After ~~Phil’s~~ departure, moods only fell further. Knowing that they had the option to leave made staying a much more difficult thing to come around to. The ~~kids~~ couldn’t be swayed from their goal, so the ~~Mom’s~~ were stuck, but ~~Lou~~ and ~~{YA}~~ kept flicking questioning eyes at each other, silently wondering if they could get away with escaping. ~~Charlotte~~ had invented this game with her ~~sister~~ though, and caught on almost immediately. She breaks the silence, no! They all startle, the ~~kids~~ especially. They didn’t think they had been doing anything naughty, were they wrong? She says it again, no way! No one else abandons ship. We’re riding this ride all together and we’re buying the pictures afterwards! Well, ~~{YA}~~ ventures, we have an odd number of people for that. Seven can fit in the boat and there’s nine of us here now, which means either two ride alone or we have to split up in two groups of four and five. Okay, we’ll do that, her ~~mom~~ says. Then the pictures will have strangers in it, if you seven just go, we get a ~~family~~-only picture. You don’t want to ride it with us? Her ~~mom~~ tries a different tactic now, but you love this ride! I’m just too hot, she says back. I need some ice water or something. Fine, fine, her ~~mom~~ grumbles. You two go, but go grab us all some popsicles first, the stand is right over there. She hands her ~~daughter~~ two twenty-dollar bills. And remember, channel 12! ~~Lou~~ and ~~{YA}~~ vault over the various ropes and fencing keeping the line in place and make a beeline for the popsicles, getting a variety and hoping no one is mad at the choices. ~~{YA}~~ ferries them back into the line, and springs back out of it as quickly as she can. [[MAKE A BREAK FOR IT]]

Where should we go? ~~{YA}~~ asks her ~~aunt~~. Well, she replies, there’s a few lame-ass attractions here that are air-conditioned, let’s try for one of those. They weave through the crowd together, hotter now than they were in the line thanks to the hundreds of sweaty bodies surrounding them. Eventually they arrive at a big building with an empty rope line weaving out of it and onto the sidewalk. Rather than finding the end and following it all the way through, the ~~aunt~~ throws her leg over the rope closest to the door and walks in, not waiting to see if her ~~niece~~ will do the same to follow. She does though, and is immediately smacked with a wall of half-frozen air, making her shiver with her joy. Thank fucking god, her ~~aunt~~ says. The ~~niece~~ laughs, I’ll say. Okay so this one is a show, I can’t remember how long it is though because we never do it, but we should have a nice place to sit for a little while. They follow the empty line through the building and arrive at a room with one ~~employee~~ stationed as sentinel. Here for the show? They ask, not hiding their surprise. Yep, as long as it’s air-conditioned in there too, ~~Lou~~ jokes. The employee smiles knowingly now, oh yeah, even better in there really. [[TAKE A SEAT]]

They go in, sit down, and before the show can start ~~{YA}~~ falls asleep in her chair. There’s no one else in the room with them, so ~~Lou~~ gets up and does a few stretches that are massively helpful to this sort of grueling vacation, but too embarrassing to do in line for a ride about a flying cartoon character. She folds in half slowly, lets her spine realign with gravity’s help, wiggles her legs around a little and then focuses on stretching the right one, then the left, then both. After rolling her head around a little bit, stretching her neck in every direction, she sits back down and finally catches a few words of the half-video, half-animatronic show that’s happening at the front of the room. Those few words, unfortunately, are enough to put her off the whole show entirely, and she gets back up again to pace around the room, inspecting the decorated walls and various tacky plaques on display. [[SIT BACK DOWN]]

The show goes on a lot longer than she expected though, and her ~~niece~~ is fast asleep, so she gets bored of this. She sits back down again, pulls out her walkie talkie and scrolls through the channels, skipping 12. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]]

A mom talking over a crying baby. A parade apparently marched by in the middle of naptime. [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

A ~~mother~~ and ~~daughter~~ trying to coordinate snack stops for everyone (no one in this family wanted ice cream which struck ~~Lou~~ as odd). [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

A ~~grandpa~~ asking the answering ~~kid~~ to repeat whatever he was saying so many times that the ~~kid~~ gave up and just told him to meet him at the big rollercoaster, okay? At the front entrance, not the exit. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

All static, maybe someone had the button stuck on in their pocket. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Pure chaos, no intelligible words can be made out. A clanking sound is ringing in the background. The trolley, maybe? [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Silence. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Silence. Wait, no. Someone is quietly humming. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Someone trying to whisper to their family that the baby was still asleep, they weren’t coming back yet. Save them a funnel cake. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Chaos. Not yelling, maybe someone trying to talk during a loud ride. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Silence. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 13]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

Someone talking over the music on the spinning ride. [[CHANNEL 2]] [[CHANNEL 3]] [[CHANNEL 4]] [[CHANNEL 5]] [[CHANNEL 6]] [[CHANNEL 7]] [[CHANNEL 8]] [[CHANNEL 9]] [[CHANNEL 10]] [[CHANNEL 11]] [[WATCH THE END OF THE SHOW]]

After that she lost interest. She flipped back to 12, listened carefully for any of her family’s voices, heard none. The show ended, the lights came on, but her ~~niece~~ stayed asleep. The ~~employee~~ that had let them in came in to show them the way out, but upon seeing ~~{YA}~~ asleep asked, do you want me to just run it again? ~~Lou~~ shrugged, sure, let her sleep. The ~~employee~~ nodded, paused as if they wanted to add something, then walked back out the door. [[WATCH THE SHOW AGAIN]]

The stage re-loaded, the puppets started in again. She sighed. She turned her walkie talkie on, then off, on then off, searched through her pockets for something, anything to distract her. Pocket knife, wallet, walkie talkie, handful of change from buying coffee, torn receipt for said coffee, two AA batteries. The coins were abnormally grimy, an apt metaphor, she thought, for the place that they came from. In the end, this whole place was all about the bottom line. And then this show! Supposedly about some of “history’s greatest men” and yet it didn’t even make it one sentence without some blatant lie posing as fact chirping out at her. It all was starting to make her feel sick. She flipped her radio on, channel 12 was quiet. She clicked down to 8, also quiet. [[ABSENTMINDEDLY CLICK THE TALK BUTTON]]

She clicked the microphone on, let it listen to the bullshit she was sitting through for a while. She let go of the button, then clicked it back on to say, *what garbage, am I right.* ~~*Static*~~ *Yep, absolute horseshit.* Delighted, she laughed out loud, quieting down only to keep from disturbing her ~~niece~~. She says, so, the specter of channel 8 wasn’t just a product of my imagination. *Ha! Like I’m the specter here. You keep hijacking the airwaves to broadcast nature sounds and racist documentaries.* Now, hey, listen, I’m not playing the documentary by choice, but desperate times call for a desperate need for an air conditioner. *Yeah, fair.* Oh, wait, she says, here’s a good part. She clicks the microphone on again, letting in the sounds of the animatronics absolutely mauling an entire era of the country. She snickers at the end of it, says, they aren’t even trying to pretend they’re telling the unbiased truth anymore. *How on earth did you know what part was coming up? How many times have you watched that show?* This is only the second time around, but that part stands out, don’t you think. *Well yeah, I thought the same thing when I watched it.* You did? When! *Earlier today, it’s been blistering outside all day, not just now.* She nods, and then remembers that the walkie talkie can’t carry that through the airwaves, says, true. She zones out again for a little while, only refocuses when the walkie talkie says, *There’s another good spot that’s cool that **isn’t** so horrible to sit through.* Do tell, she replies. It’s over by the indoor rollercoaster, it’s all shaded by the giant building. No air conditioning, but a good spot for a nap. Well, she says, my niece thinks this is a pretty good place for a nap. *Better than sitting through it awake.* Exactly. Oh wait, I think it’s ending again. [[~~EMPLOYEE~~, ENTER STAGE LEFT]]

The ~~employee~~ comes back in and shrugs their shoulders, so? The sound of the door opening made ~~{YA}~~ stir, and she noticed that the lights where on and that her ~~aunt~~ was no longer sitting next to her. She turned and saw her sitting in a chair towards the back and made a confused gesture with her hands. I got bored, she said in response. They both got up and headed for the exit, said thanks to the ~~employee~~ for letting them hang out. ~~Lou~~ said into the walkie talkie, I can’t do it a third time. Her ~~niece~~ assumed she was talking to her, we sat through it twice? [[BACK TO THE FRYING PAN]]

Spat back out onto the pavement. The heat is certainly worse than before. They trudge along together, both searching the bustling surroundings for a patch of shade. It must be over a hundred, there’s no way it’s not, ~~Lou~~ says. As they walk past a park-branded mailbox ~~{YA}~~ asks, why do they have these here? ~~Lou~~ replied, so you can buy a seven-dollar postcard and write home to all your friends, “having an amazing time!” Wait, no, “Having the time of my life!!” She flourished her hand in the air, pretending to write on an enormous postcard, “You TOO need to empty your savings account and get down here to experience this, don’t wait any longer!!” Do you think they come pre-written or do they tell you to write that when you buy them? Oh, I think they come pre-written, for efficiency. Wanna go buy one and find out? Really? She asks, and do what with them after that? Mail them? Sure, ~~Lou~~ says, why not? [[BUY A POSTCARD]]

The next store on their right has a rotating rack of postcards, so they go in and pick out the most obnoxious ones they can find. They find an open seat in the blazing sun and burn the backs of their legs as they write out their messages, careful to avert their eyes from the other’s, out of politeness. [[~~LOU~~ WRITES...]] ~~{YA}~~ [[WRITES...]]

Do you have a pen? ~~Lou~~ asks ~~{YA}~~. Yeah, here, I got it from ~~Grandpa~~. Dear {cycling link for: 'postcardLou1', choices: ["friend", "Lou", "Audrey"]}, Greetings and salutations from {cycling link for: 'postcardLou2', choices: ["family vacation", "Hell", "California"]}! But, I suppose {cycling link for: 'postcardLou3', choices: ["I'll be back by the time this arrives", "you already know that", "that's a little dramatic"]}. Am I {cycling link for: 'postcardLou4', choices: ["having fun", "surviving", "losing my mind"]}? Hard to say for sure. Right now I'm sitting on a bench next to my niece, who is {cycling link for: 'postcardLou5', choices: ["also writing a postcard", "probably complaining about all of us", "the only sane person here, maybe"]}. Again, {cycling link for: 'postcardLou6', choices: ["I've probably already told you about all of this in person", "you already know that", "probably dramatic"]}. What to say in this short message? {cycling link for: 'postcardLou7', choices: ["Don't ever let me do this again", "This is all your fault", "Why can't this all be different"]}? What do other people write on these things? I guess I'll just quit while I'm {cycling link for: 'postcardLou8', choices: ["ahead", "behind", "doomed"]}. {cycling link for: 'postcardLou9', choices: ["See you soon", "Fuck you", "Sincerely"]}, {cycling link for: 'postcardLou10', choices: ["Lou", "Me"]} {embed image: "Assets/Art/pen.jpg"} [[MAIL IT]]

They slide them into the mail slot one after the other. Someone walking past gave them a weird look as they used the mailbox, as if they weren’t so sure that it wasn’t just another prop decoration that two tourists had mistaken for the real thing. {embed image: 'Assets/Art/postcard.jpg'} [[BEGRUDINGLY CHECK IN WITH THE REST OF THE FAMILY]]

~~Lou~~ checked her watch, think they’re done with the ride by now? They have to be right? She changed the walkie talkie channel to 12 and listened. All fuzz, until, *Yeah the babies are still sleeping, what are you all up to?* Her ~~brother’s~~ voice crackled through, then his ~~wife's~~. *Well my ~~mom~~ disappeared right after you left, she has a walkie talkie but we haven’t heard from her.* *Your ~~sister~~ and ~~niece~~ took off too, so it’s just us ~~mom’s~~ and the ~~kids~~ right now. We just got off the water ride.* ~~{YA}~~ made a face at the pointed comment, boo hoo hoo. *Oh, where did they go?* ~~Margot~~ replied, *we’re not sure, we’re going to try to reach them now.* ~~Lou~~ offered the walkie talkie to her ~~niece~~, here you talk to them. Hey it’s me. *Me, who! Ha ha, just kidding, hey kiddo. Where ya at?* We just mailed some postcards. ~~Michael~~ cracks up, *you did?! To who?* I sent one to my friend. He laughed again, *you two are funny.* Then ~~Charlotte~~ came on the channel, *where are you?* Pretty close to the entrance, actually. Where are you? *Drying off on a bench outside the ride. You should come this way.* ~~Lou~~ sighed, but nodded. They started shuffling in that direction. [[GET A SNACK FIRST]]

I think we need a snack first, ~~Lou~~ said. Sounds great to me, her ~~niece~~ replied, what should we get? They both thought on this for a minute. ~~Lou~~ motioned for the walkie talkie, changed the channel and said, hey channel 8, what’s the best snack here? ~~*Static*~~ *There are good snacks here?* You’re no help, she laughs back. She turns, says, we’ve already had popsicles, but we could always get ice cream. Her ~~niece~~ agrees, never one to turn down ice cream. They enter into yet another line, but it goes quickly. ~~Lou~~ gets {cycling link for: 'LouFavoriteIceCream', choices: ['mint chocolate chip', 'chocolate fudge', 'caramel crunch']}, her ~~niece~~ gets {cycling link for: 'YAFavoriteIceCream', choices: ['cookie dough', 'strawberry', 'coffee swirl']}, ~~Lou~~ pays. They exit the store and turn left, and almost immediately see their ~~family~~ in the distance making their way toward them, ice cream sandwiches in hand. This place makes a killing on ice cream on days like this huh, ~~Lou~~ says. Her ~~niece~~ is too busy with her rapidly melting cone to answer. [[RIDE MORE RIDES]]

The rest of the day is hazy for all of them, they try to choose the attractions with lines that go indoors or into decoratively forested areas, but everyone else has the same idea and so the lines are all very long. At one point they switch tactics and go for a line that’s baking in the sun, but the rollercoaster you wait for in it goes very fast and the wind feels lovely against their sweaty faces. They decide that the thirty minutes of direct sunlight is too much though, and go back to their first strategy. The ~~dads~~ decide that they’ll wait until dinnertime to meet back up with them, but the lines all take so long that they don’t miss much. [[DINNERTIME]]

The group decides to eat somewhere in the park this time, too heat-sore to consider the walk back across asphalt roads to the hotel, and ~~Phil~~ reappears just in time to vote on this matter, looking maddeningly refreshed and crisp. Her ~~daughter~~ asks where she spent her afternoon and she tells her of the nice little bar she found, which causes ~~Margot~~ to smirk at ~~Charlotte~~, but she only says, Oh, that’s nice. Maybe we can go there again tomorrow. Sat down at the restaurant, another cafeteria-style one, this time featuring heavy American comfort food like mashed potatoes and rolls, green beans and roast chicken. At the counter, ~~{YA}~~ asks hopefully if they might be able to make a BLT for her? The ~~employee~~ looks at her, confused, no, I’m afraid this is all we have, they say, gesturing to the massive spread of food. Her ~~mom~~ asks her what she wants a BLT for when there’s so many good options, and her ~~daughter~~, the heat and exhaustion of the day instantaneously catching up to her, snaps back that she can’t imagine more disgusting food to eat on a hot day than roast chicken and mashed potatoes. She stomps away, leaving her empty tray by her ~~mother’s~~. ~~Lou~~ shares a look with her ~~sister~~, one that says, wow, but yeah, fair. ~~Charlotte~~ grabs a plastic cloche of salad for her ~~daughter~~, adds it to her own tray and abandons the empty one. [[~~GRANDMA MARIAN~~]]

~~Marian~~ is in a wearisome conversation with a different ~~employee~~ behind the counter. She wants to know if the vegetables are *organic*. The ~~employee~~ says, I really don’t know ma’am. I could go and check the packaging for you? But by then, her illusion of magical, fantasy sustenance is ruined at the mere mention of packaging, and she settles for the roast chicken and a fruit cup. ~~Grandpa~~ is talking to his ~~son~~ in detail about the cook of the chicken, finally, a piece of meat cooked properly! A few of the ~~kids~~ are wailing. They don’t want roast chicken; they want chicken nuggets. The kid’s meal here only offers a grilled cheese with fries, and the half that are perfectly satisfied with that are growing less and less so as they hear their ~~parents~~ begin to cave to the nugget protest. They would rather have pizza, and if their ~~younger brothers~~ get what they want why can’t they all get what they want! The ~~dads~~ are trying to handle this, and then ~~Phil~~ steps in when she returns with her roast chicken and garden salad, lying to them flatly: there are no more chicken nuggets left in the park. They’re all out for today. We’ll get you some tomorrow after they restock. As much as ~~Margot~~ wants to give in to the immediate effectiveness of this, she feels guilty and tries another approach. It backfires. [[LIKE DAUGHTER, LIKE MOTHER]]

~~Charlotte~~ arrives at this growing problem after having been snapped at by her ~~eldest~~ and after the struggle at the cash register to relay all of the various plates they were trying to juggle for all of these god damn people and now she’s about at *her* limit. Of course, in this moment, one of her tiny ~~nephews~~ throws his hands up in protest over the nuggets, perfectly knocking her tray in the air, causing the salad cloche to explode open and her two plates to shatter to pieces when it all hits the ground. Her ~~husband~~ waits with baited breath, completely unsure of how she’s going to react to this. She freezes for a moment. For two. Sucks in a long, rattling breath and breathes out, I need some air. She drops the fork she had been holding onto the ruined pile beneath her, the cherry on top, and flies away from the table, exiting the fenced in area of the restaurant. No one mentions out loud that they were technically already outside, in the open air, but they’re all thinking it. [[~~DADS~~]]

The ~~dads~~ snap into action after this, now in their comfort zone of emergency response, and dole out the food to their various ~~children~~ firmly and without room for nugget protest, they scoop up the mess and deposit it in a trash can, ask ~~Lou~~ if she knew what had been on the plate, and ~~Ben~~ goes back to the counter to replace it all. Within ten minutes, tentative peace has settled on to the tables and neither ~~Charlotte~~ nor her ~~daughter~~ have returned. They each have a walkie talkie you know, ~~Bert~~ points out to the silence. No one acknowledges him, because no one wants to be the one to try to reach them. The sun is finally beginning its retreat, the shadows are very long and people all around can be heard discussing their firework and parade plans. ~~{YA}'s~~ [[ESCAPE]] [[~~CHARLOTTE'S~~ ESCAPE]]

~~{YA}~~ didn’t make it all that far away from the restaurant before she collapsed onto an empty bench. She buried her face in her hands for a while, making her vision black for some calming moments. She could hear a ~~park employee~~ roll a giant garbage can up behind her, empty the small bin next to the bench, replace the bag, and then they asked her, are you alright? She dropped her hands from her face, plastered on a small smile, said yes, I’m fine. Thank you. They nodded at her slowly, then began to walk away. Wait! Is there a payphone around here anywhere? The ~~employee~~ turned back, pointed toward the main entrance, there’s a bunch up front. Okay, great. Thank you very much. She went in search of them, even though she still didn’t have any coins. She’d used all the ones the ~~bartender~~ had given her the night before on pinball. When she found them, she took stock of all of the people in the area and noticed a tiny, ~~older woman~~ organizing something in her large purse. Excuse me, she said quietly, politely, do you have any change? I’d like to make a call and I only have bills. The ~~woman~~ smiled widely, dug out a few quarters, refused the bill she tried to hand her in return. No problem sweetheart, call your boyfriend. She froze the smile on her face at that, though it took all of her effort not to drop it. The ~~woman~~ walked away in tiny steps, and ~~{YA}~~ turned to make her call. [[CALL ~~ROOMMATE~~]] [[DIAL THE OPERATOR]]

All she wanted was five minutes, two minutes even!, where she didn't have to solve someone else's problem, didn't have to clean up someone else's mess, didn't have to manage someone else's emotions. Was that so much to ask?! It was constant! Her ~~kids~~, her ~~husband~~, her ~~siblings~~, her god damn ~~*parents*~~! None of them could just deal with their own shit and leave her to deal with her own, noooooooo of COURSE NOT. She had to be the one to plan, to pack, to schedule, or nothing would get done!! ~~Charlotte~~ needed to vent, and doing it in her head wasn't doing the trick. [[FIND A PAYPHONE]]

The quarters thunked onto the pile of change she could hear inside the machine, she jammed her dorm number into it and waited. It rang a few times, more than she would’ve expected, and finally someone answered. Hey, is ~~Chloe~~ there? They mumbled something in response that she couldn’t quite make out, then they walked away to search for her. [[OH, HI]]

*Operator, how may I direct your call?* Oh, uh, I was just calling for the time. *It is 5:37 PM, Pacific Standard Time.* Thank you. [[OH, HI]]

Just a few minutes, just to let off some steam, then she would go and put her ~~mom~~ face back on. She marched toward the payphones at the front of the park, blasting a path between parents and children who hastily dove out of her way when they caught sight of her, but she faltered when she saw ~~{YA}~~ already there, phone in hand. God, the things she must be saying about me, she thought. [[OH, HI]]

~~Charlotte~~ had, funnily enough, had the same idea as her ~~daughter~~. ~~{YA}~~ was just hanging the handset back up on the hook, turning to walk away, when her ~~mother~~ came around the corner into view. She froze, unsure of how guilty she should feel for snapping earlier, unsure if she was in trouble or not. ~~Charlotte~~ walked over to her ~~daughter~~, I had the same idea as you. Oh. Who were you going to call? ~~Charlotte~~ shrugged, ~~Anna~~ maybe. Someone who would listen to me rant. Is that what you did? Rant about us? Her ~~daughter~~ shrugged, not really. I just felt like talking to someone who wasn’t here. Her ~~mom~~ nodded. Well dinner is a shit show, wanna go somewhere else for something? ~~{YA}~~ was surprised, then said, yeah definitely. [[MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE KIDS TABLE]]

The ~~kids~~ had finished eating and their ~~dads~~ were racing to catch up with them, scarfing their food in a way that made ~~Lou~~ and ~~Phil’s~~ stomach turn. ~~Lou~~ turned to her, tell me again where the bar is that you found earlier? Oh, ~~Phil~~ said, over by the *nice* hotels, on the opposite side of the park from ours. You know, the ones right over here, she pointed across the park to where a few towering buildings could be seen in the distance. She nodded, filed that little piece of information away. Then she turned to her ~~brother~~, who had just finished shoveling his last mouthful. Christ, that was gruesome. He made a face at her, said, if I don’t eat quickly, oftentimes I just don’t get to eat. Better this than that. She had no argument for that, so she asked, what are the plans for tonight? Well, he leaned back, stretched his arms over his head and behind him, cracking his back and revealing where his faint sunburn turned into near-translucent white on the undersides of his arms, until ~~Charlie~~ and ~~{YA}~~ come back, we’ll have to entertain the kids somehow. Probably should do that go-kart ride that they’re all dying to go on. She asked him, should we try to tell ~~Charlie~~ that on the walkie talkies? No no, he said, let her be. Clearly they both need a minute. They’ll ask us where we are when they’re done. They both have walkie talkies. You still have yours? She nodded, brandishing it from her pocket. All right, then let’s get a move on. They packaged up the leftovers and stashed them in one of the strollers, put four ~~kids~~ in stroller seats and one ~~kid~~ on the handle rail of one, ~~Grandma~~ and ~~Grandpa~~ cleared away the dirty plates and used napkins, ~~Phil~~ shoved a massive stack of clean napkins into the nearest stroller basket. [[GO KART TIME]]

Though they were all very well acquainted with the fastest path to the go-kart ride, it would have been simple to find it by smell and sound alone. The gasoline engines produced thick black clouds of exhaust that lagged heavily over the track, and the groans and clanks of said engines had a way of piercing through the ambient sounds of music and voices and ride mechanisms. They also all knew that nighttime was the best time to ride this particular attraction, as the manicured landscaping and fake road signs looked more believable in the low light, and therefore added to the fun of watching a small ~~child~~ inexpertly navigate the tunnels and on-ramps. At the ride, they paired up everyone except for the two ~~toddlers~~ and ~~Phil~~, who camped out a spot near the end where they could wave at them as they drove by. ~~Lou~~ paired up with the ~~ten-year-old~~, who she had noticed was slowly, repeatedly being left out by the other two in his trio for rides that required partners. He wasn’t saying anything about it, but it was clear to her how much it was beginning to weigh on him. Her heart sank as she realized it. There’s just nothing to be done for him, ~~kids~~ learn casual cruelty so young. She did her best to lift his spirits by quickly claiming him as her own partner, making a large show of refusing to let anyone else have him, he’s all mine, off-limits! Get your own partner! She wrapped him tightly in her arms as she said it, pretending to pull him away from the group to keep to herself, and his wash of giggles made her feel a little bit better. She wondered to herself if her every motive was just selfishness at the heart. They all buckled themselves into their various vehicles after a short but violent verbal brawl over color choices. The ~~dads~~ joined in, claiming lime green and black for themselves and their ~~kids~~, with red, purple, silver, yellow, and orange filing behind. Buckles buckled, hats stashed, the park employee at the front waved them forward. ~~Lou~~ cheered her driver on, crying faster, faster! We have to beat them! The ~~ten-year-old~~ laughed so hard she was afraid he would throw up, but she wanted to keep his momentum up, his spirits soaring for a little while longer. Oh no, they’re gaining on us! Hurry! He was a terrible driver, really, the steering wheel was too unruly for his small hands and the pedal was nearly out of his reach, so she told him, I’ll push the pedal, you steer! After that it was a little smoother, but still really fairly chaotic. They bounced off of things, laughed, began to close the gap on the ~~eleven-and thirteen-year-old’s~~ silver kart, and then the ~~ten-year old~~ really gained some steam, purposely swerving and bonking against things to draw out her comical shouts. At one corner, her ~~father~~ and ~~the nine-year-old~~ came into view, clanging and bouncing even more violently than her own car, and before she could call out and ask what was wrong with their car, ~~Bert~~ waved the steering wheel high in the air as an explanation, unattached to the rest of the car. Sometimes they forgot that a lot of these cars had been stuck in track purgatory for decades. At one point she got the walkie talkie out, pretended it was a telephone dialing 911, and yelled into channel 8, help! This ~~kid’s~~ going to crash the car and kill us both!! Her voice was nearly drowned out by his hysterical laughing and she couldn’t hear if she got a response or not. [[NIGHTTIME, DAY TWO]]

~~Lou~~ begged out of the parade plans, told them all she was exhausted from her night of fitful sleep and wanted to catch up tonight so tomorrow wouldn’t be even worse. A few of the ~~kids~~ protested, but her ~~sister~~ called them off and told her they were planning on the same routine tomorrow morning, ~~Grandma Marian~~ would get coffee again. They all exchanged their goodnights and goodbyes, and she began the slow schlep through the gathering parade crowd to the exit. [[GO BACK TO THE HOTEL AND GO TO SLEEP]] [[GET A DRINK FIRST]]

The florescent glare of the lobby lights are almost painful and the wait for the elevator seems excruciatingly long given this time of night. All she wants is her cold hotel sheets, and the four squashy pillows that are all for her. She’ll fall asleep in an instant if she can just manage to get there in the next few minutes. Finally in the elevator, she perches herself into the railing, watches the numbers climb. The elevator dings for floor seven and the walkie talkie in her hand says *goodnight*. [[DREAM]]

It really was her plan to go to sleep early, but first she wanted to stop by that bar ~~Phil~~ had been to and decompress a little bit. As she was stopped at a traffic jam of strollers near the turnstiles, she pulled out the walkie talkie and noticed that none of the lights were lit. Damn, finally dead. Then she remembered her sister pressing two batteries into her hands that morning, a moment that felt like a week had passed since, and fished those out too, unwisely deciding to take this moment in this unruly crowd to change them out. Luckily, people were all too happy to swerve around her the second she slowed, so she swapped them out and dropped the spent ones in the next garbage can she passed. She clicked through the channels, hearing more of the usual except for a VERY loud argument happening on channel 5, and landed on the silence of channel 8. It was almost peaceful like this. Most visitors were inside staking spots for the various evening shows, so the areas outside the park were largely clear, softly lit, piping cheerful music in from all around. She passed a bakery that was closed, the dark windows only displaying model breads and coffee menus, then a couple of stores, a bakery that was open, selling caramel apples and overpriced sugar cookies, a few restaurants, a water fountain. She stopped there to watch the water spilling onto the decorative blue and white painted tile, letting her eyes be soothed by the movement of it. That very distinct feeling of leaving a party and getting outside into the night only to find that you’re much, much more drunk than you thought you were was happening to her but in an inverted way. She hadn’t realized how drunk everyone around her seemed in comparison to how she felt. Drunk on artificial wonder. Highly stylized and hyper-controlled forms of memory making. No wonder everyone who came here felt the need to come back, any memories you tried to take away from this place immediately lost their glimmer, faded to dusty, ordinariness. In this place, the bland and boring could be construed to be magic if you were willing to play along, suspend your grip on reality. This realization sank her further, and she found herself yet again desperate for one single moment of real human connection. {embed image: "Assets/Art/deadbatteries.jpg"} [[SIT BY THE FOUNTAIN]] [[KEEP WALKING]]

A large courtyard opens out before ~~Lou~~ as she passes through an ornate marble doorway, steps leading down in front of her to lush grass and moss-covered stepping stones. As she passes over them, following the trail they make, she rounds a massive hydrangea bush and comes to a corner of the courtyard with leaning trees, their shady boughs creating a roofed grove, where the air is perfectly cool and fresh and slightly damp. In this corner is a long wooden table, with plates and towers and dishes of food she doesn’t quite recognize, where her entire ~~family~~ is already seated, busily passing around dishes and bottles to each other. When they see her, a cry goes up among them all, there she is! Finally! Come join us, ~~Louise~~! We’ve been waiting! A smile breaks across her face, a kind of smile she doesn’t remember smiling before, and she notices as she walks that a fluffy, white muslin dress is swishing around her legs as she walks. Surprised at this, she looks up and notices that her family is similarly outfitted in crisp garden party attire. It lends the atmosphere a quality that she hasn’t experienced before. Her spot is between both of her ~~parents~~, who start the cheer again a little more quietly when she is seated. Then dish after dish after dish begins to be passed to her, so quickly that she can hardly keep up. She spoons things on to the plate in front of her more and more frantically, asks everyone to slow down but is ignored. Her wine glass is filled to the brim, then it begins to overflow and still her ~~sister~~ will not stop pouring the wine into it. Her plate begins to fill up, and still the bowls won’t stop coming. The mountain of food won’t stop growing, and everyone is chattering faster and faster, saying things like, oh here ~~Louise~~, this one is your favorite! But the plate that is then passed to her contains something she has never seen before. Then she notices that no one is eating, everyone is talking about the food expressively, longingly, but no one takes a single taste. She interrupts the flow of passed dishes to sink her spoon into something at the edge of her plate that she almost recognizes, but as soon as the silverware touches it her ~~family~~ begins to shriek in protest. She opens up her mouth to protest back at this, but finds that no sound comes out of her mouth. She tries again, harder, to force noise from her throat, but nothing. Panic begins to set in, the effort of trying to scream, trying harder and harder, begins to make her feel like she’s choking. She goes for her overfull glass of wine, pulling it out from underneath the stream of never-ending wine her ~~sister~~ is still pouring and their shrieks of protest get louder. Now she tries with all of her might to scream back at them, but she can’t tell if no noise is coming or if she just can’t hear herself over them. [[WAKE UP]]

The fountain had a ledge around it that she sat on, cross legged, hunched over. She knew she wasn’t far from the bar, but now she was afraid of arriving there and feeling even more hopeless than she did now. Her walkie talkie was still lit, but quiet. Her desperate need for connection had led her to conversing at length with a disembodied voice in her radio and she didn’t know if this was hilarious or dire. Perhaps both. Along with these feelings was the acute sense that she was bringing the entire vacation down with her, though she knew that the ~~kids~~ couldn’t tell anything was strange with her, the ~~adults~~ surely had to have noticed by now. Right? Or maybe they all thought that she was always this way. Maybe she *was* always this way. It was them that she really kept coming back to. She couldn’t understand how her various, intelligent ~~family members~~ loved this to the intense degree that they did. She had enjoyed herself here many times, of course, in the same way that you enjoy a fast-food binge every once in a while. You’d never claim that it’s gourmet or anything, but for the duration of the meal you revel in the indulgence of it, the consequences you’re pushing off, the difference between it and your normal, nourishing meals. The thing was... her family seemed to see this more as a celebration feast, like a New Year’s meal meant to successfully propel you into another year. The culmination of hopes and struggles and triumphs and dreams. Hmm hmm. Ho hum. She felt like a little rain cloud on their parade day. She went to the bar. [[ORDER DRINKS]]

She went to the bar. [[ORDER DRINKS]]

After a fancy rum drink she switched to a couple of plain old gin and tonics, sitting alone at the bar, wondering if she had been there long enough to consider worrying about running into her family on her way back to the hotel. The thing she hates about tourist bars is just that, only tourists go there. These people were here to luxuriate in their expensive vacation, not mope with the sad woman at the bar. She had learned over the years that whether people clocked her as queer or not, there was some kind of something about her that they usually picked up on, something that tended to steer them away. Unless, of course, they were also queer, which she thought might be the case with one ~~woman~~ who had glanced her way a couple of times. In that case, they always found some way of acknowledging each other in places like these. Solidarity perhaps, or just reassurance of existence. The other ~~woman~~ was with a group of people, maybe a trio of boy-girl couples but she couldn’t really tell. ~~Lou~~ twirled the tiny pair of straws in her glass, considered whether or not it was a good idea to order another, when another appeared in front of her. The ~~bartender~~ pointed over at the ~~woman~~ she had been considering, who saw this exchange and subtly tilted her head toward her, glass in hand. She shrugged her shoulders, guess that answered that, gestured her thanks, and passed the empty glass to the ~~bartender~~. Human connection is what she needed tonight and this was a good little speck of it. A small reminder to hang in there, that these circumstances were certainly strange, and temporary. [[WALK BACK TO THE HOTEL]]

She paid her tab after that and dismounted from the barstool. Luckily, she’d had a big dinner, so she didn’t feel overly drunk even given the number of drinks she’d had, and the night had settled into the perfect temperature. It was hard to tell where her skin ended and air began. A voice coming from her back pocket said, *well, at least the fireworks are nice to watch.* ~~Lou~~ glanced up at the sky, surprised to find that she hadn’t noticed they were happening, clearly she was drunk enough to have missed the thunder of them in the sky, and saw one pop, then fizzle down in a shower of sparks. She reached for the walkie talkie, said, yeah, they really are, aren’t they. *Yeah. Yeah, I’ll give them that. Especially if you have a good view of them over the water.* I don’t, she replied, walking slowly past all of the closing shops, retracing her steps. *The reflection is almost better than the real thing.* She laughed, clicked the button down, yeah I think that’s sort of the entire strategy here. The walkie talkie laughed back, *true. The music is garbage though.* She laughed again, louder this time. A janitor turned to see where the noise had come from. Yeah it really starts grating on your nerves after twelve hours of it, doesn’t it. *Twelve hours! Twelve hours straight? No breaks?* No breaks today at least, no. How are you still upright? Who says that I am? Hm, true. ***John! JOHN DON’T IGNORE ME*** Oh no, Lou says, she’s taking channel 8! *Who is?* ***YOU’RE MISSING THE FIRE WORKS JOHN! WE’RE BY THE WATER RIDE. JOHN!!!*** *Oh, okay, okay, channel...!* [[TRY CHANNEL 9]] [[TRY CHANNEL 7]]

She waits, shakes her head once to try and clear it a little, clicks up one more channel, channel 10. She clicks her microphone button, says, channel 8? Only a soft drizzle of static, no response. The panic grows tremendously now. What’s wrong with her? Why does it feel like this is going to fling her over the edge? Her hands shake, she sits down right where she stands on the pavement and concentrates. [[BACK TO CHANNEL 8]]

She clicks up to channel 9 and is met with a wave of unbreakable static. She waits few moments, unsure of what to do now. A strange surge of panic starts to rise in her throat. What now? Her walking has stopped, she’s in the middle of the plaza and there’s hardly a soul around to notice her here. [[TRY CHANNEL 10]]

Silence, no response. [[TRY CHANNEL 9]]

Flips back to channel 8. The woman is still shouting. [[BACK TO CHANNEL 9]]

The static is still deafening. She breathes. [[CHANNEL 10 AGAIN]]

She catches the end of a word, frantically pushes her button and says, hello?? *Channel 8?* Jesus fuck, she says to herself, with chemicals she doesn’t know the name of coursing through her body, making her feel like she’s just survived a car accident. Yeah, it’s me. *Oh wow, I thought I lost you for a minute there.* Me too, she says, me too. *Weird.* Very. [[BREATHE]]

*Um.* Yeah, uh, anyway, she fills in. *You know that lady?* She lets out a sharp breath, laughs, no, I just heard her a couple of times today. She jumped channels, but it doesn’t seem to be helping any. *John is still missing in action.* Indeed, he seems to be. Lou gets up now, quite sobered up though still strangely unsteady. She clicks her button again, is the fireworks show close to over? *I…. think so? It’s hard to tell.* Pause. *Why?* Oh, I’m walking back to my hotel and I’m wondering if I should be expecting a flood of tired tourists along my way. *Oh!* Pause. *No, I think you’ll be fine.* Good, good, she says. There’s a lull, then a huge firework, twice the size of the first one she saw, explodes green and gold into the sky. They both watch it (she assumes), and wait for the noise to die down again. *That was a pretty one.* She starts to agree, but then says, are you annoying everyone around you by using your walkie talkie this whole time? *~~Laughs~~* *No, I don’t think so. There’s like three babies crying within ten feet of me.* Hm, she says. Yeah, it was a pretty one. Look at that one! The finale begins as she’s passing the empty front turnstiles, she picks up her pace to be sure she won’t have to wait at any crosswalks with a hundred sleepy toddlers. The commotion is too loud to talk over, and once it’s finished the crowd noises on the other end are too loud for her to hear over, so she walks in silence the rest of the way back to her hotel. {embed image: "Assets/Art/fireworks.jpg"} [[GO BACK TO THE HOTEL AND GO TO SLEEP]]

~~Lou~~ violently sits up, blinks in the surrounding darkness of her hotel room, tears her blankets off, takes huge, gulping breaths. Then she tears off the shirt she had been sleeping in, tries to breathe even deeper. She gets up and goes to the window to open it before remembering that they don’t open. A groan of frustration leaves her mouth and she is jolted at the noise of it. This is ultimately what brings her back into her body, this noise of indignation. She stands at the window and stares out into the too-bright sky, lights scattered all around the landscape to keep the night from ever fulling drawing in. The clock reads 4:15am and she wonders if she should just give up on sleep, but after a few minutes her breathing returns to normal, and weariness sets back in. Covers pulled tightly around her, ~~Lou~~ goes back to sleep. [[SLEEP]]

[[MORNING NUMBER THREE]]

~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Ben~~ are having a chaotic start. One ~~kid~~, the ~~five-year-old~~, is refusing to put his underwear back on after using the bathroom, and every time they try to intercept him he leaps onto one of the two queen beds and vaults across the gap to the other. The other ~~kids~~ are in absolute fits of laughter over this, ~~{YA}~~ included. His tiny, naked butt has soared across the room so many times they’ve lost count, and both ~~parents~~ are losing their grip, on severity and sanity. There’s a knock at their door, ~~Charlotte~~ opens it just in time for ~~Lou~~ to see the blur of a full moon launch across the room behind her. Oh, she says after a few seconds delay, it’s like that this morning huh. ~~Charlotte~~ nods, exasperated. We’re not going to be leaving for a while, no one is ready. ~~Lou~~ shrugs, says, fine by me, I wondered if that was the case when ~~Mom~~ didn’t come by for a coffee order. Oh! Her ~~sister~~ says, she just got the same thing as yesterday for everyone, I was supposed to call you. She has it all in their room. ~~Lou~~ turns to go, wait, which room is theirs again? Uh, 721 I think? She nods, alright, see you in a while. She waggles her walkie talkie suggestively at her, call me! [[GO TO THE ~~GRANDPARENTS~~ ROOM]]

At her ~~parent’s~~ room, already there are signs of more chaos. The door is propped open with one tiny sneaker, a single orange sock lays out in the hallway. She peers into the gap in the door, sees a blur of movement inside, pushes it open to find three half-dressed ~~children~~ surrounding ~~Grandpa Bert~~. He’s holding two shirts in his hands, hesitating to choose one for the ~~kid~~ closest to him and trying to force them to choose instead. Is this your shirt? He asks, or your ~~sister's~~? All three laugh and reshuffle themselves around him. He notices his ~~daughter~~ in the doorway and says, help! She laughs at him, says, what does it matter? If it fits, put it on them! He sighs, how am I supposed to know if it fits? She shrugs, I don’t know. Estimate. ~~Marian~~ appears behind her, oh hi ~~Louise~~! Your coffee is right here next to the sink. Is everything alright in here? Her ~~husband~~ turns to her and gestures to the state of himself, the ~~kids~~, and the room. No. She sighs, puts the bag she’s carrying down, and moves to help him, selecting a shirt from his arm and a ~~kid~~ from the whirlwind around him. ~~Mom~~, ~~Lou~~ says motioning to the bag ~~Marian~~ had set down, why on earth did you shop at the gift shop? Her ~~mother~~ takes on a distinct air of coolness, replies breezily, they have some cute stuff, you’d be surprised. She shakes her head, drops the subject. Instead says, so, when are you guys headed out? Her ~~father~~ groans, never, we’re never leaving. Her ~~mother~~ says, in just a few minutes! Well, I’ll, uh, leave you to it. Radio me when you’re leaving! Channel 12! Or is it still 11? She pauses in the doorway for an answer, lukewarm coffee in hand. No, I thought we switched to 13, not 12, her ~~mom~~ says as she yanks a sleeveless top down over one of the ~~boys’~~ heads, trapping his tiny arms against his body. Or was it 14? He starts to scream, panicking at the sudden constriction. She reaches in an armhole to free one arm, then the other. Either way, I think we’re back on 11. ~~Lou~~ says, alright, now I’m totally lost. We’re still on 12! Her ~~dad~~ yells more loudly than strictly necessary as he finally snags the foot of his ~~granddaughter~~ who has been running circles on the bed, reaches out his other arm to catch her torso as she is felled like a sapling. Okay, okay, call me on 12 then, she yells out, already in the hallway. [[~~PHIL~~, MORNING ROUTINE ENGAGED]]

~~Phil~~ is bored out of her skull. Her ~~son-in-law~~ picked up his ~~children~~ today only few minutes later than she’d hoped to be able to leave for her walk. They exchanged no words, just two ~~children~~, and she was left to her morning. She didn’t allow herself to spare a moment’s energy guessing what kind of words her ~~daughter~~ had used to talk to him about this task, she simply moved on. Her walk had been fine enough, the weather seemed to have settled into something a little cooler today, and it was the middle of the week so there weren’t quite as many people walking around as there had been on the first day, but still, the environment was wearing on her. What at first seems clean and tidy reveals itself to be unnaturally sterile if you examined it closely, for too many days. Trees pruned too neatly, patches of grass void of even one weed or pebble, groundcover plants shorn into perfect square boxes to fit into perfectly square planters. House sparrows only, no other birds. Unnerving, if she thought about it for too long. She longed for the wilder lushness of her own neighborhood, flowering shrubs spilling across fences and trees draping their limbs down close enough to touch. Evidence of great care could be seen, but without this severe degree of absolute control. She liked to feel herself complimented by the nature of her surroundings and here she was beginning to feel shamed by it, like she herself wasn’t neat enough, controlled enough, to be allowed to interact with it. It put her in a bad mood for the entire day. [[BREAKFAST WITH ~~LOU~~]]

Sometime in the night, when rolling from one side or the other, or maybe semi-awake between dreams that she couldn’t remember, ~~Lou~~ had a thought. What if the voice through the radio left town today? What if that was her last encounter with it? After this possibility occurred to her, it stuck, rattled around noisily in her mind. She felt it now with every step, like a piece of gum on her shoe, distracting all of her morning conversations, her ordering of a second cup of coffee, all of it. She forced herself to dwell on it this way though, instead of turning on the walkie talkie and seeing if the voice would yet again talk back, because there were a million reasons she could think of for it to stay silent. It was early, or at least, earlier than they had ever radioed before. The channel thing, too, was weird. Would the voice be on 10 or 8 today? If it was there at all? For a little while she pretended that she was a well-adjusted human, that this was more of an absent wondering than anything truly vital to figure out. Eventually she stopped pretending to fool herself and just accepted her obsession. Too bad there was no one to distract her so far today, since every ~~kid~~ on this trip seemingly communicated a secret memo to the others that instructed them to raise hell all morning, and all of the ~~adults~~ were landlocked, unsuccessfully trying every trick in the book to tame them. She wasn’t sure what to do with this small bit of unexpected free time on her hands, there weren’t that many options and her mind was too clouded with these other concerns to put serious effort in to finding something worthwhile to squeeze in. Eventually she just steered herself toward the diner out front. Coffee and some breakfast would be productively distracting. [[READ THE MENU]]

At her small table, she laid out the entire menu and scanned through it slowly. A waitress came to take her order. I'll have coffee and {cycling link for: 'breakfast', choices: ['chocolate chip pancakes', 'biscuits and gravy', 'hashbrowns', 'pierogis']}, please. She re-folded her menu, placed the walkie talkie on top of it, switched it on, and stared at the steady power light at the top. She checked what channel she was on, still 10, and put it back down. A few new cars pulled in, she had a good vantage point of the parking lot and hotel entrance from here, as well as that of a cargo van as it nearly ran down a pair of grandparents trying to catch up with their grandkids. She winced imagining that. The waitress came back with an empty ceramic cup, the hefty, reassuring kind, and filled it with the pot of coffee she held in her right hand. ~~Lou~~ thanked her as she moved quickly to the next table, sipped it even though it was boiling. Waited. For something, though she couldn’t say what. She stacked creamer cups and sugar packets. Quickly replaced them when the waitress started moving back her way. Waited. Grabbed the walkie talkie, switched it to channel 8, set it back down. It was quiet on this channel too, mostly. Every so often she could hear the muffled sounds of, what she guessed was, the inside of someone’s pocket. Even this had her leaning in, searching for something. She changed her mind, switched back to channel 10. God, she needed to get some better friends. Or just some friends. [[USE THE BATHROOM]]

She clumsily slid off of the vinyl bench seat to stand and make her way to the bathroom, down a short hallway with beige paneling on the walls where dusty, framed pictures of theme park characters are hung. ~~Lou~~ didn’t really need to pee, but a splash of water on her face might help. The cold-water knob creaked loudly, but nothing came out, so she was stuck with the hot water tap which was pumping out near-boiling water. After drying her face with brown paper napkins, she stared at herself in the small mirror. Something stood out to her as looking different but she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. It was sort of like when you go into a bathroom at a bar after you’ve been there for a while, your face looks somehow different than you remember it looking. Almost like a stranger’s face. This feeling was almost that, but not quite. She stared harder, looking closely at her nose, her eyes, her eyebrows, her skin, and finally realized that the mole under her eye wasn’t on the right side, it was on her left. But it had always been under her right eye, she was sure of that. Wasn’t she? For a moment she wondered if the mirror image was just confusing her tired brain, so she brought a hand up to touch where she knew her mole should be, but mirror-her was touching the side of her face where there was no mole. Just as she was about to panic, the bathroom door burst open, revealing a small ~~child~~ with a foot still in the air from the act of kicking it, and she frantically threw her napkin in the garbage and went back to her seat. [[SIT DOWN]]

Her {breakfast} came just after she sat back down and she distracted her mind with eating for a while. A thing many people scoff at, but she’ll take comfort wherever it can be found. She must just be remembering the mole thing wrong, right? The front door opened and ~~Lou~~ was startled to see her ~~niece~~ walk in. She shot her arm straight up in the air, her hand like a flag on a pole, and caught her attention. When ~~{YA}~~ sat down, she took stock of the table. I don’t know if I would’ve guessed that {breakfast} were your breakfast of choice, she commented. ~~Lou~~ hummed, yeah well, my choices change a lot. What have you been up to this morning? The ~~waitress~~ stopped by again at that moment, asking ~~{YA}~~ if she wanted to order. She did, some coffee with cream, and a cheddar omelet. The ~~waitress~~ nodded and glided away again. Cheddar omelet huh? ~~Lou~~ asked. Her ~~niece~~ shrugged then said, I was at the arcade. There’s an arcade? She nodded sharply. Huh, ~~Lou~~ said, I’ll have to check it out. She didn’t miss the faint regret that flashed across her ~~niece’s~~ eyes but chose to leave it alone for now. Are you waiting for ~~mom~~ to radio you? ~~{YA}~~ asked, motioning toward the walkie talkie. Oh, uh, no. I just got tired of having it in my pocket. Might turn it on without realizing it. They nodded at each other, then turned to watch the families stream by. It was still early in the day, everyone hoped to get there before “the rush”, though no one could say exactly when the rush happened. After they finished, ~~{YA}~~ said she would go back to the room and see if any progress had been made. ~~Lou~~ waved her on, said she was going to walk to the park and people-watch. [[GO WITH]] ~~{YA}~~ [[PEOPLE WATCH WITH ~~LOU~~]]

She felt weird walking through this mass of families as a one-person unit. She imagined being ticketed by theme park police for leaving her family behind. What good were their wallets to the theme park if they were back at the hotel?? ~~Lou~~ could hear people around her saying, it isn’t so busy today, isn’t that nice? But looking around, it looked pretty damn busy to her eyes. The music from the entrance plaza’s huge speakers, the ones hidden in bushes and trees and disguised as trash cans, could be heard the second you stepped onto the sidewalk on that side of the street. Faintly, but still. She walked fast to keep from being clipped in the heels by the strollers behind her and found herself swept with the crowd to the front gate in a flash. They let her through with only a passing, strange look, and she began her search for a good seat. [[FIND A SEAT]]

The hallways are fairly quiet, muffled sounds could be heard coming from some of the rooms only right as she passed by them. There are few windows in this hotel, unlike some of the nicer ones closer to the park, so when inside it feels as though it could be any time of day out, any season, and there would be no way to know it. She liked that about it, enjoyed the disorientation it presented. It was a vast, grey space she could let herself fall into. Let herself be enveloped by it. It was for this reason that she felt a sort of gravitational pull towards other spaces that created similar atmospheres. Diners, airports, malls, grocery stores. In any of them, she could put her headphones on and listen to one of the tapes she had made of her favorite radio shows, play it over and over until her brain was soothed, quiet enough to finally think clearly. There must have been some moment, some night, when her brain stopped functioning the way she remembers it doing so in the past, but she really can’t put her finger on it. There was a time when she had been less concerned with the purpose of things, the act of them had been enough, if she was remembering correctly. She wasn’t sure anymore if there was such a thing as remembering correctly though. The more she poked at memories, even from just a couple of years ago, the more they shifted and kaleidoscoped into unrecognizable shapes. If she tried to ask someone else who had been there how they remembered it, their version wildly contradicted hers in all but the smallest of details. She imagined that her personality was built on these experiences she could no longer recall, and she wondered if that was why she felt so adrift all of the time. Her docking line had been severed and the shoreline looked wildly unfamiliar. Things simply happened to her these days. She feels like she makes few deliberate choices, most of the logistics of her life are organized in the moment, as changeable as the wind around her. She followed other people where they wanted to go out at night, ordered the same drinks as them, laughed at jokes she vaguely understood. All of her energy went toward blending, merging, sliding. She wouldn’t say that she was unhappy. Nor bored, like everyone kept accusing her of being. She just, was. She was there. Life wasn’t some sparkling jewelry box she was eager to dig into, it was just a box where she stored her facts. Not because she wanted it to be this way but because she couldn’t figure out how to make it become anything greater than that. Music albums and movies were easy things to serve as footholds along the way. They marked time passing. Gave her symbols to hold up to describe herself instead of transparent words. Words were too honest. When she said she wanted something interesting to happen, she supposed what she meant was that she wanted something that required more than just symbols to describe, or maybe something that couldn’t be distilled into anything more specific. She used the symbols to describe herself because she didn’t want to splay out her tangled-up heart for everyone to see every time she had to answer the question, “what have you been up to lately?”, not because she didn’t possess the right words. The right words, instead of the name of an album or a song, would’ve been, I’ve been trying to understand how to live my own life. I don’t know how to do anything other than watch. [[GRAB A CHAIR BY THE POOL]]

At the pool, she pulled out her headphones and cassette player, a book she was supposed to read for one of her classes, and a towel to serve as a pillow. The sun didn’t feel abrasive today, so she left the sunscreen at the bottom of her bag. There was still no one else there. Just her on one of those plastic, slatted lounge chairs, and the sun reflecting off of the water. After ten failed minutes of reading, she cast all of her things aside and lowered herself slowly to sit on the edge of the pool. One foot, then leg up to her knee, other foot, other leg. She slouched there staring at the water’s movements. Let her mind fuzz over in the motion of it. Eventually she used her arms to lift herself forward to the very edge of the gritty tiled edge, flipped around, slowly slipped herself into the water up to her neck. Her long hair floated around her in a seaweed tangle. She moved to float on her back, eyes closed, tiny sunglasses still on, and imagined that she probably looked dead to anyone watching now from their windows. She worried absently about someone showing up to check and breaking her silence. [[SOMEONE SHOWS UP TO BREAK THE SILENCE]]

Eventually her ~~family~~ showed up, announced by one of her ~~sibling’s~~ cannonballing into the water and sending a wave directly up her nose. She spluttered and coughed it up, told them all off for ruining a perfectly good morning. Her ~~parents~~ exchanged glances blatantly in front of her, dramatically rolling their eyes. This action made her want to scream, but she took a deep breath and sat herself back down on her chair. ~~Charlotte~~ came over a few minutes later, offered to french braid her wet, tangled hair. She felt the urge to let her do this, to cave into someone else’s actions, so she said, sure, thanks. Her ~~mom~~ sat down at her back in the chair and said, are you all done moping now? [[~~MARIAN~~ AND ~~BERT~~ ENTER STAGE RIGHT]]

Later, ~~Grandma~~ and ~~Grandpa~~ showed up at the pool, clad in their bathing suits and sporting white triangle noses. ~~Charlotte~~ had been swimming with her ~~kids~~ for a while, tossing the ~~five-year-old~~ in the air so many times that her arms burned. She let her ~~dad~~ take over for her, climbed athletically out of the deep end, clad in a thick strapped, red one piece, and plopped down next to her ~~mom~~. She made a joke about something the ~~eight-year-old~~ had said to her earlier, something about ~~Grandma’s~~ puke shoes. ~~Marian~~ laughed and said to her ~~daughter~~, oh good, I’m glad you’re done moping now. [[~~PHIL~~ ARRIVES]]

~~Phil~~ shows up sometime after that. She could see them all from her room window. By that point it’s close to eleven thirty and everyone agrees that they’ll wait until after lunch to join ~~Lou~~ in the park. She’s in the park? Alone? ~~Michael~~ asks. Yeah, she went before any of us were ready. After another twenty minutes or so they begin to trickle out of the water, draping themselves out to dry in the steady overhead sunlight, gathering their various things slowly closer to them. The ~~kids~~ protest at first but then someone mentions chicken nuggets and then they fly for their towels, stripping their bathing suits off even though no one actually brought a change of clothes down to the pool. Everyone would have to go back up to the rooms and pray that it went more smoothly this time. [[GRAB SOME LUNCH]]

The diner was packed, kids jammed into every available seat and stroller, wedged against too-full tables filled with glasses of soda and coffee and pyramid stacks of coffee creamers. The ~~waitress~~ revealed one last table, it had been completely concealed by the ten-person ~~family~~ in front of it, and they accordion-folded themselves all together into the small space of it. ~~{YA}~~ ordered a BLT, as did ~~Phil~~, again (she took this as a good sign, it must have been as satisfying as it had looked to her two nights ago), the ~~kids~~ had chicken nuggets and fries all around except for the ~~eleven-year-old~~ girl who wanted a peanut butter sandwich, no jelly, ~~Grandpa~~ steered clear of the steak and ordered a cheeseburger, like his son, ~~Ben~~ opted for a breakfast platter of sausages, hashbrowns, and runny eggs, ~~Charlotte~~ wanted French toast, ~~Margot~~ went last and ordered eggs benedict. Her ~~mom~~ turned to her at that, scoffed disbelievingly, you really think they have a decent eggs benedict here? At least a BLT is impossible to screw up. ~~Margot~~ sighed as her only response, refolded her menu and stacked it on top of everyone else’s. The still present-~~waitress~~ ignored them, not paid nearly enough to care or to offer any sort of guidance, and said, I’ll be back with your drinks in a moment. They all chimed discordantly, thank you. [[ARGUE OVER WHO GETS TO PAY THE BILL]]

They eventually finished, uncrinkled their folded-up limbs and band-aid-ripped their bare legs from the vinyl seats, and filed out toward the door. There was much struggle over the bill, ~~Grandma Marian~~ wanted to pay for everyone’s meals but her ~~kids~~ were both protesting this offer. It’s eighteen people ~~Mom~~, let us pay for own food, it’s too much. Stop! She scolded harshly, don’t tell your ~~mother~~ what to do. Just say thank you. They tried a few other approaches, but eventually gave in and guided their herd of ~~children~~ out the front door, pulling a few of them out of the way of a ~~woman~~ and her ~~baby~~ a split-second before collision. ~~Charlotte~~ and ~~Michael~~ plotted silently together, as they stood like guard rails on the curb between the door and the parking lot driveway, to steal the bill before it made it to the table next time though they knew this would cause their ~~mother~~ to ignore them for the rest of the day after. [[ENTER THE PARK, DAY THREE]]

That settled, they began their march to the entrance, not sure if they were arriving after the rush (perhaps they themselves served as the rush?), but determined now to prove that their lost morning hours wouldn’t mean that the day was any less worth the money spent on the ticket. If anything, they would get more out of the day since they were so well-rested. They were determined to think so regardless of anything that would follow at least. The power of a determined mind is the most important tool on a trip like this, followed directly by a reliable pair of shoes. One year ~~Charlotte~~ had mispacked and brought only the brand-new pair of sandals on her feet with her to the airport, and had blisters so severe by the end of the first day that she could barely walk in the new shoes she’d had to purchase for the rest of the trip. When they reached the short lines for the turnstiles at the entrance, both ~~moms~~ went to different ones and ~~Marian~~ went to an entirely different section, all convinced that theirs was the most efficient choice. This left the ten ~~children~~ stopped in place with their ~~fathers~~, ~~Bert~~ and ~~Phil~~. No one was sure who to follow. Finally, ~~{YA}~~ said, oh come on, and picked the one nearest them. The lot of them got through before either of the other three, strollers and all. Most of the ~~kids~~ are cheering for the big roller coaster, betting on whether or not the ~~eight-year-old~~ would actually be allowed to go on it. Her parents had measured her again that morning, wearing the shoes they had bought specifically for this purpose, and things were looking promising. Worst case scenario, if they got to the front of the line and she was deemed too short, her ~~dad~~ had an extra-thick pair of socks to put on her feet to try again later. The ~~eleven and thirteen-year-old~~ want to ride the train, but no-one else shares their interest. ~~Phil~~ steps in, volunteers to take those two on the train, and the problem is solved. ~~Grandma Marian~~ will camp out with the ~~babies~~ and the four strollers, everyone else (fingers crossed) will go on the roller coaster. ~~{YA}~~ interrupts this planning, says that there’s a shop she wants to go to, claims she saw something there the other day that she wants to get. A lie, but a harmless one. Sure, sure, they all say. Go ahead! The ~~kids~~ are all yelling excitedly now and they can barely hear her over the noise anyway. Have fun! They yell, catch up with us when you’re done! [[REALIZE SOMETHING HAS BEEN FORGOTTEN]]

It’s after she’s well out of sight and they’ve started transferring bags into the strollers and ~~kids~~ out of them that they remember the walkie talkies. ~~Charlotte~~ cries, I forgot to give her a walkie talkie! And we still haven’t set a meeting point! They all sympathize with this small crisis, reassuring her that her ~~daughter~~ at least knows where they’re all going next, she’ll probably just come and find us there. ~~Phil~~ nods along earnestly, but thinks to herself that “forgetting” a walkie talkie was a trick she’d have to try too. It’s also in this moment that ~~Charlotte~~ realizes they’ve lost one walkie talkie, she only has two, the one ~~Michael~~ was using the day before has gone missing. He shrugs an apology, says he has too many things to keep track of these days. [[CATCH UP WITH]] ~~{YA}~~ [[FAMILY REGROUP]]

~~{YA}~~ did actually have a walkie talkie, she had the one her ~~uncle~~ had left in the stroller the day before, though she didn’t know that no one else knew this. Her spirits were lower than this morning even, and listening to her ~~family~~ begin to plan a day filled to the brim with tasks made them fall even lower, so she figured it was better to make some room for herself and leave them to their fun. There was a heaviness in her limbs that she didn’t know how to shake, so she just walked, weaving around joyful ~~children~~, crying ~~babies~~, arguing ~~parents~~ feeling the weight of it fully and endlessly. What to do, what to do. She ends up standing in front of the same building that she and her ~~aunt~~ sat in yesterday to escape the heat, where the show that she didn’t actually watch plays whenever there is, abnormally, someone there to watch it. Inside, the air was less of a relief than it had been the day before but still a nice change from the thick air outside, full of the smells that were starting to unnerve her in their consistency. Did it always smell exactly the same here? Did truly nothing change on a day-to-day basis? [[SPOT A FAMILIAR FACE]]

Around a corner, the same ~~park employee~~ who had been there yesterday was standing in the same position, this time holding something in their hand that they seemed to be reading. When they caught sight of ~~{YA}~~ they quickly jammed it into their pants pocket. Oh, uh, welcome! Here for the show? They looked at her a moment, then said, wait you were here yesterday. With your ~~mom~~? ~~{YA}~~ shook her head, ~~aunt~~, actually. Ah, they replied. Didn’t get enough? She let out a laugh, well technically I didn’t even watch it. I feel asleep. They nodded, happens more often than you might guess. I can’t say I’m really dying to see it. I just needed a break from my ~~family~~. Well, you can go in and just hang out if you want. Until someone else shows up. Too bad you didn’t bring a book or something. ~~{YA}~~ reached into her bag and pulled out the cassette player, wiggled it emphatically. Oh, that works too. She asked, is that what you were doing? Reading a book? They shook their head, no way. Too hard to sneak a book in here. It’s just a zine my friend gave me. Oh, you’re not allowed to read books? We’re not allowed to do anything that makes us look like we aren’t desperately waiting for the next visitor to pop through those doors, like we have any other interests than the ride that we’re stationed at. Like we exist outside of this petri dish. They’re both standing in the wide doorway to the theater, the song that was playing begins to repeat, a screen displaying a cast of dancing, historical characters chimes in at the chorus. You listen to this all day? They nod. And all night, after I leave here it just stays looping in my head, no matter what I do. I’ve started to sleep with headphones on, playing the shittiest, loudest punk I can find, to try and drown it out. So far it’s not really working, but I haven’t thought of a new idea yet. Someone outside walks to the beginning of the line and they both flinch, but then watch the person say, oh wait, this is that dumb history show. Where’s the one we’re looking for? The person that they’re walking with grabs their arm and steers them away, it’s over here honey. Both of them relax again. So you don’t like working here? ~~{YA}~~ asks, Fuck no. Then why do you? They sigh, shift their weight to their other foot, well I thought it would be cool at first. They do this thing through the college here where they pay your tuition if you work in the park part-time, which sounds great in theory, at least it did to me when I graduated high school, but the reality of it is pretty shit. So you go back and forth from school to working here? Well, they say reluctantly, there’s dorms here actually. Really, I work and live here, and just go to campus for classes. There’s dorms here? That seems like it would be…weird. Is it weird? Oh yeah, it’s super fucking weird. Half of us who live in them realize what an insane place this is but just suck it up and deal with it, while the other half is completely in love with the place. ~~{YA}~~ isn’t sure of where to take the conversation from here. [[ASK ABOUT JOB]] [[SIT IN AWKWARD SILENCE]]

She glances around the lobby they’re in, makes a face at some of the more blatant propaganda, then says, how did you manage to get this specific job? Do you have a choice? They shrug, we can have, like, preferences, but ultimately, they pick. Just depends on the day. She nods, says, this seems like maybe one of the worst ones. They laugh at this. I guess it depends on your definition of worse. Some days this is way, way better than loading ~~toddlers~~ onto conveyor belt cars, some days it feels like if I hear this song one more time I’m going to start walking into the ocean and never look back. ~~{YA}~~ laughs. Listen, they add, are you going to stick around for a while? I mean, do you have to get back to your ~~family~~ soon? She thinks about it, realizes that she could spend the entire day away from them and they wouldn’t have any way to find her, replies, no, I don’t need to get back to them. Alright well, if you want, I can snag some of the old popcorn they’re always throwing out and bring you some. Every cart is supposed to totally empty their case every hour, make a whole new batch, no matter how much they still have left or how recently they made it, so there’s always a ton up for grabs. They pile bags of it in all the backstage rooms. It’s not stale or anything, they add quickly, and it’s usually still kind of warm, it’s just not “customer quality” (they add heavy air quotes to this) anymore. The ~~{YA}~~ smiles at this unexpected offer, gladly accepts, perfect, because I only have a few dollars on me and I don’t want to go find my ~~parents~~ to get more. Wait here, the other laughs, if someone turns up tell them I’m getting the show ready. [[HANG OUT]]

Once she finds one, all her tactics of distraction are used up, her mind returns to the gum sticking to her sole. Determined to get an answer, she clicks to channel 8, listens for voices, hears none, says, hello? Waits a few seconds, can’t bear it any longer, switches to channel 10 and immediately says hello?? into what she comes to realize is a wall of static, switches back to channel 8 and tries once more, channel 8? ~~*Static*~~ *Yeah honey, this is channel 8,* a new voice says. She deflates. Great, thank you, she says back. She casts around, looking for something a little more consuming than just sitting on a bench, watching. She wants to participate in something. She wants to be a thing that moves in the mechanisms around her. The train that weaves slowly around the park pulls into the station near her, and she considers that as good an idea as anything else. The line is short, the ride is shaded. [[BOARD THE TRAIN]]

*Channel 8?* The walkie talkie says as the train passes through a tunnel, the overhead speakers telling some story about the park’s history and building toward a big reveal at the end of the tunnel. A few people shush her violently, and she scrambles to turn the volume down as she tries to also prevent her heart from leaping from her body and off of the moving train. ~~*Static*~~ *Yes honey, like I said before, this is channel 8!* *Oh, sorry. Uh, thank you.* Wait! She whisper-shouts, garnering more shushing, Hi, it’s you! The volume is so low now that she has to hold it to her ear to listen for a response. *Oh, and it’s you!* Lou takes a second to breathe freely, exhaling waves of tension from her body. You know, she murmurs into the microphone, I had begun to think that you’d left town. *Funny, I thought the same thing about you. I tried earlier but maybe you were asleep*. She thinks back to the confusion about the channels, how she assumed they’d find each other still on 10. Well, she points out, I didn’t know we were abandoning channel 10. *Channel 10 isn’t as good. Channel 8 is the clear choice.* Alright, alright, she laughs. Nonetheless. *So, I heard it’s not busy here today. You notice that?* She snorts, looks around at her cramped seat and the elbows squashed into either side of her, You know I did notice that. Practically empty really. *No kidding. How does a person choose with so many deserted options opened up?* It’s a difficult problem. I’m on the train though, very empty. One of the people smashed in next to her stares at her in blatant confusion. *The train? Where does that go?* Guess I’ll find out soon. *Hm, suppose so.* She twirls at a fraying edge on her denim shorts, so… is it weird if I ask what day you’re leaving? There’s a pause, long enough to make her nervous. Plus she doesn’t like that her neighbors interest levels in her conversation seem to be rising steadily. *Sunday.* She laughs, really? *Yeah really.* Me too. *Weird weird weird. Can I ask a weird question now?* Well, go ahead and try, we’ll see if you manage it. *You aren’t like, eighteen are you?* She absorbs this question, one she hadn’t even considered. This voice was not the voice of a teenager, though she couldn’t place it beyond that. No, no, I’m definitely not eighteen. *Older?* Ha! Yes, try double. *Oh thank god.* That would’ve been too weird. *Much, much too weird.* Alright, your turn, pal. *Right, eighteen times two also, just minus one.* Well then if we’re being that honest, eighteen times two plus one. *Hm, interesting.* Okay, next question: is there any secret, in-the-know spot here where they’re hiding the decent coffee. *No, no there isn’t.* Great. [[ARRIVE AT THE NEXT STATION]]

She saw the line for the train at the next stop, realized how many more people they were going to try to cram onto it, and took her cue to take a break. The sunshine was pleasant today, so she didn’t mind having the excuse to walk around in it for a while. *This is somehow the loneliest place in the world, isn’t it?* She considered this. It’s certainly up there on the list. What makes you say that? *I saw a duckling lost on the sidewalk. Someone grabbed a park employee to rescue it.* She laughed a semi-mocking, semi-sympathetic laugh. *Also I’m just so fucking lonely here.* Ah yeah, that, she said. Something about the unfulfilled promise of ultimate, magical fulfillment, right? *Something like that.* I’m here with eighteen family members and yet I’ve found that I’m still just my lonely little one-person self. No constellation. *Just a planet.* Yeah, no moons either. *Not even like, a cat moon?* She chuckles at this, nope, not even one of those. *I have a cat moon.* What its name? *Bartholomew.* No it is not. *It absolutely is.* So what’s the nickname? Bart? Mew? *Barth, with a subtle French h.* Oh no, she groans, like a cat needs more excuses for pretension. A few seconds of laughing, then, *wouldn’t have it any other way.* *I think I’m gonna try this train out. You still on it?* She stops short in her wandering, admits, no, I got off of on the stop near the water ride. *Ah, I think I’m at the one right after that.* There’s a long moment of pause when ~~Lou~~ imagines they’re both considering, for maybe the first time, that it would be very easy to run into each other. She’s not sure how to proceed from there, so she just says, I’m planning on riding the rest of the route later, so you’ll have to tell me how it is. *Yeah, I will. I’ll let you know if it’s any good.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/duckling.jpg'} [[FAMILY REGROUP]]

The two ~~babies~~ are napping in the strollers this afternoon, sunglasses on, since they got to the park so late in the day. No one really felt like walking back for naptime quite yet but as they were trying to decide who would anyway, they realized that both the ~~two and three-year-old~~ had already fallen asleep. They had stopped for popcorn after their last ride, one that circled slowly over the crowds for a few minutes before setting its riders back down on the ground, but had to wait while the ~~park employee~~ popped a new batch. In the few minutes it took, the ~~babies~~ had drifted off, seemingly lulled by the sounds of the parade in the distance mixing with the ever-present roar of talking around them. ~~Phil~~, newly back to the group after the train ride with the ~~eleven and thirteen-year-old~~, offered to sit with them while everyone else continued on with their plans, but ~~Marian~~ didn’t want to abandon her compatriot, thought maybe this would be a good chance for them to catch up, and elected to stay with. ~~Lou~~ had reconnected with them by accident an hour or so ago, bumping into them in the middle of one of the busiest sections of the park which made both parties point shout, Hey!!! Her first question to them had been, did her ~~sister~~ have more AA batteries? Her second was, where is ~~{YA}~~? They all answered that they didn’t know, they hadn’t seen her in a while and her ~~sister~~ said, yeah I do. The group wandered off, left the ~~grandmas~~ to the ~~babies~~ and all of the bags but only two of the strollers, and discussed what they would do next. There was a spooky ride that they hadn’t gone on yet, but the ~~four-year-old~~ wasn’t so sure he was up for it. When asked directly he refused to make direct eye contact, just latched on to ~~Grandpa’s~~ hand and stared off in the distance, completely tuned out of the question. Even when ~~Charlotte~~ picked up her ~~kid~~ and spoke into his ear, his vacant stare remained unchanged. They gathered from this that the spooky ride should be skipped for now, what about that fun show they hadn’t gone to see yet? A cheer went up at this, but then ~~Michael~~ said that they should wait to do that, the ~~babies~~ would actually enjoy that one, they should wait for them. The group sighed, thought on it some more. One ~~kid~~ erupted with a shout of, ROLLERCOASTER!! And instantly had four other ~~kids~~ on his side, now all screaming YES YES YES YES. [[STAY WITH ~~THE GRANDMAS~~]]

~~Grandma~~ and ~~Grandma~~ wheeled the toddlers to a shadier spot next to an artificial waterfall. It splashed pleasantly, eerily consistently, into a small blue pool whose entire floor was covered in shining coins. Wherever you find any depth of water in the park, you also find a pile of shiny, watery wishes, though one had to wonder what anyone was wishing for in a place like this. They made stilted small talk, oh this spot is much nicer, look at that beautiful flower, oh my, that woman’s top is sure something isn’t it. ~~Phil~~ retrieved an unopened water bottle from the depths of the stroller basket, displacing no less than two tote bags and a diaper bag to do so, unscrewed the cap, took a small drink, replaced the cap, set it next to her on the smooth rock wall they had found to sit on. She breathed out noisily, not a sigh, more of a hm-isn’t-this-nice noise, peered out into the crowd from behind her large sunglasses. ~~Marian~~ dug out her own water bottle a few moments later, saying, what a good idea, and copied ~~Phil’s~~ movements. This sort of thing continued on for a few minutes. ~~Phil~~ would make a movement, a comment, some little adjustment, and a little while after ~~Marian~~ would go through the same vague motions. It was getting to the point where, if it happened one more god damn time, ~~Phil~~ was afraid she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from reaching over to ~~Marian~~ and smacking her upside the head. Instead, the next time it began she launched herself upright, said, ALL right, and flattened out the imagined creases in her pants, I’m going to go across the way there and buy some fruit, do you want anything? No, no, ~~Marian~~ said, I’m all set, I don’t need anything. What kind are you going to get though? ~~Phil~~ threw her hands in the air a little, I’m not sure. Pineapple? Ooooo, said ~~Marian~~, actually that sounds great. Okay. Well, great. ~~Phil~~ said, already walking away. [[WALK OVER TO THE SNACK STAND]]

Over at the fruit stall she scanned the offerings, taking stock of the spears of pineapple jammed into the piles of ice next to cups of cut mango, whole apples and bananas, a single, squashed looking bag of red grapes. She pulled out one pineapple spear and a mango cup, paid with her card, and walked back to their spot. When ~~Marian~~ spotted ~~Phil’s~~ mango cup she let out a dramatic, wholly undisguised sigh of envy, but then silently began unwrapping her pineapple. It was a nightmare to eat, it dripped all down her elbows, and there was no graceful way to take small bites of it somehow so she was left with massive pieces to chew on for a full minute. As she was managing all of this she watched ~~Phil~~ neatly pop cubes of mango into her own mouth. A walkie talkie crackled on from somewhere in the stroller, blastingly loud, and made both women jump. They frantically searched for it, sticky hands be damned, to try and reach it before it woke the babies. ~~Marian~~ managed it first, triumphantly, scrolled the volume down quickly before her ~~son~~ could finish the question he was asking, *hey, are the kids still sleeping?* She clamped down the button for her microphone and shushed him loudly, almost louder than the original cause for alarm, ~~Phil~~ thought to herself, and replied *yes! But not for much longer if you keep bugging us!* *Jeez*, he said, *I’m just checking in*. Well, we’re fine, we’ll let you know if they wake up. What ride are you guys doing next? *Not sure yet, we might be able to convince the little ones to do the spooky one now.* ~~Marian~~ sighed again, more dramatically now, I wish you wouldn’t make them go on that, they’ll have nightmares for months! *Nah, they’ll be fine.* [[RANT]]

~~Marian~~ let out an irritated groan, turned to ~~Phil~~ and said, these kids. She put the walkie talkie down on the wall between them. Sometimes I just don’t understand them. I never would have let them see something so scary when they were that young. ~~Phil~~ shrugged, I tried to teach ~~Margot~~ to find her own boundaries when she was a kid. If she thought she was ready for something, I let her do it. Eventually she learned when to say yes and when to say no all for herself. ~~Marian~~ didn’t hide her dismay at this, said, she probably ended up traumatized first though! As ~~parents~~ it’s our job to protect them, or else what are we there for? ~~Phil~~ laughed, Oh I don’t know. Clothes, food, housing. ~~Marian~~ kept frowning, more to herself now than directly at ~~Phil~~, and eventually came back with, well, that’s a very modern take on the subject. I suppose, she admitted. It’s exactly those kinds of modern views that I just don’t understand. What was so wrong with how we’ve always done things? There’s so many things changing so fast. I can’t keep up. ~~Phil~~ let her talk to herself, uninterested in having this kind of conversation with this specific person. Modernity was taking her by surprise too, but at least she had the good graces to keep it to herself. You know what I saw the other day? Completely out of the blue, in my own neighborhood for crying out loud! ~~Phil~~ didn’t answer, ate another mango cube, watched the crowd walking by. It was two men holding hands. No shame. They walked right past me. I almost started laughing! It was so weird! You’d think it was San Francisco or something! ~~Phil’s~~ interest was piqued a little now. This sort of outright bigotry was a new piece of information for her about her counterpart. And it struck her particularly because of her own observations and impression of ~~Marian’s~~ unmarried ~~daughter~~. She continued in her silence though now she reached subtly for the walkie talkie. [[PUSH THAT BUTTON ~~PHIL~~]] [[DON'T PUSH THE BUTTON]]

Yes! [[RADIO EAVESDROPPING]]

Oh, come on! Live a little! [[PUSH THAT BUTTON ~~PHIL~~]]

The only person (in their ~~family~~, god help the other listeners of Channel 12) who heard this rant was ~~{YA}~~. (Which is just as well, because every other ~~adult~~ in the family had heard variations of those words fall like hot stones from her mouth many, many times.) ~~{YA}~~ though, had not heard these words before, and her first time hearing them happened to have occurred when she was still with her new friend ~~Sam~~, who she had almost immediately gathered was queer. Her mortification that surged up from the very first sentence sunk to such depths that she thought she might actually implode and form a black hole, sucking the entire theme park into nothingness forever. The two of them, seated on boxes in a storage room of the history show building with a large garbage bag full of popcorn between them, stalled to a complete halt when her ~~Grandma’s~~ voice came through. After the channel went silent, I…uh…holy shit, was all ~~{YA}~~ could manage. Woof, ~~Sam~~ said, she seems like she’s fun at parties. Church parties that is. Or like, anti-abortion rallies. . ~~{YA}’s~~ face was a horrifying shade of red, she turned to ~~Sam~~ and said, I’ve never heard her say any of that stuff before. ~~Sam~~ shrugged, surprisingly nonplussed to ~~{YA}’s~~ eyes. I mean it’s not all that surprising, is it? Like, you aren’t shocked by this, right? She thought for a moment, trying to get her brain back into some kind of sense of order, well, I’m not really sure actually. She absentmindedly put a piece of popcorn in her mouth, chewed it slowly, then said, well, I guess I am surprised. Why? Because of your ~~aunt~~? ~~Sam~~ asked. Wait, what do you mean, because of my ~~aunt~~? She asked back. Because your ~~aunt~~ is queer? And, is this ~~grandma~~ her ~~mom~~? Or is this your ~~grandma~~ on the other side? ~~{YA}~~ shook her head, no, no, she’s her ~~mom~~. Woof, ~~Sam~~ said again. Think your ~~aunt~~ heard all that too? I mean, it can’t be news to her, but it still sucks. I hate it when I have to listen to my ~~grandparents~~ say shit like that. Hell, my ~~dad~~ too. I can’t even imagine, ~~{YA}~~ said honestly. I have no idea what that would be like. ~~Sam~~ went for another handful of popcorn, said in a muffled voice, why? Are your ~~parents~~ cool about it? About what? About your ~~aunt~~? Oh, um. I’m really not sure. ~~Sam~~ made a strange face at her, your ~~family~~ seems weird. At least in my ~~family~~, my ~~grandparents~~ tell me I’m going to hell to my face. It’s all out in the open. Is that better?! Well, I don't know. But I guess it’s dulled that way. They say it so much that it loses its edge. Sort of. They both ate popcorn for a while, way past the point of enjoying it but it was something to keep their hands busy while they talked. I hope my ~~aunt~~ didn’t hear it, ~~{YA}~~ says. Well either way, I guarantee you she knows, ~~Sam~~ said pointedly, then, okay fuck this popcorn, I feel sick. ~~{YA}~~ gave a half-hearted laugh, yeah, same. Well, some of us are meeting up to get burgers down the road from here. Just some ~~kids~~ from the dorms. Wanna come? It’ll be easy to get you back to the park after. ~~{YA}~~ almost said yes immediately, then stopped herself, thinking she should probably at least pretend to put ten seconds of thought into it before agreeing to go somewhere in a city that wasn’t hers with a total ~~stranger~~. But the thought of having to go back to see her ~~grandma~~ churned her popcorn-sick stomach. [[SAY YES]] [[SAY NO]]

They talked a little as they walked. ~~Sam~~ broke the rules by exiting out the main gate but said it didn’t really matter, so they made their way together over the sparkling pavement. ~~{YA}~~ tried to keep up normal conversation, but couldn’t help the part of her brain that was obsessing over all of this new information. She never knew there were such shadows lurking in her family, it always seemed too loud, too expressive, too blatant, to allow such things. She herself felt like she’d never in her life had a moment of privacy until she went away to college, and so she had just assumed that everyone’s else’s lives happening around her had the same level of transparency to them. Now that one overturned stone had revealed such ugliness, she dreaded what would be found under other ones. All the while ~~Sam~~ had been pointing out things they were walking past, telling behind-the-scenes details of how all of the things about the park “magically” happened every day, and as completely, morbidly, interested as she was in hearing those things, she could not stop her obsessing. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, but not enough of them to fall. They were hotter, stickier tears than she’d ever felt before. Tears of rage, which she realized was sort of a new emotion for her. She can’t remember ever feeling rage at something before. This hot, tearing of her heart made her feel like her fists could break glass, like she could shatter a brick wall with her strangled voice, and like she wanted, desperately, to do those things. ~~Sam~~ had given up now, left her to her thoughts, sensing clearly that something was taking place here. ~~{YA}~~ kept her walkie talkie off for the rest of the night. [[ARRIVE AT THE BURGER SHOP]]

There is no version of this story where this girl says no. She wants interesting things to happen to her!! Come on! [[SAY YES]]

The burger place had been perfectly grimy, clearly not a spot for tourists and so an extremely refreshing place to be for a few hours. The other people that ~~Sam~~ knew were cool and they made ~~{YA}~~ feel totally welcome, even as they teased her for being a tourist in the midst of the mere servants of the theme park. She laughed easily with them, forgetting her family’s newfound dark corners for a while. Her low mood that had clung to her all day finally began to lift. There was a jukebox that they all took turns operating, with the only rule being that every person had to choose the most obnoxious song they could find. When it was ~~{YA}'s~~ turn, she put a quarter in and chose "{cycling link for: 'JukeboxSong', choices: ['Baby Got Back', 'Sandstorm', 'Chattahoochee', 'Space Jam']}." [[GET KICKED OUT]]

When they walked in the hotel bar, the ~~bartender~~ yelled, Hey! ~~{YA}~~ dragged ~~Sam~~ over and said, hey. She examined the two of them, then said, listen, you can’t just bring all your ~~underage friends~~ here now. Don’t make me kick you out. ~~Sam~~ protested, hey! I’m twenty-one! Look, here’s my ID. A license slapped onto the bar, splashing in a ring of condensation that she hadn’t wiped up yet. Huh. She looked up to examine ~~Sam~~ closely, who was wilting a little under her gaze. Okay, fine. Pinball is all yours, all of these guys are too drunk to use it anyway. BUT, she emphasized, looking straight at ~~Sam~~ and pointing at ~~{YA}~~, no sharing drinks with this one. Don’t try. I’ll know. [[GULP, AND GO OVER TO THE PINBALL MACHINE]]

They both nodded bobble-headed nods and moved quickly to the pinball corner. GOD she’s hot, ~~Sam~~ breathed once they were at the machine. ~~{YA}~~ turned back to look at the ~~bartender~~ and considered this. Yeah, I guess she is. Huh. You *guess* she is? Guess? Get your eyes checked babe. You don’t need to be a lesbian to see that. Okay, now, how the fuck do you play pinball? {embed image: 'Assets/Art/pinball.jpg', alt: 'pinball machine'} [[WHAT DID ~~LOU~~ GET UP TO TODAY?]]

I just can’t pretend that it’s okay, ~~Marian~~ continued, or, at least, if it’s going to be allowed, I shouldn’t be *forced* to see it. That’s just one of those things you keep to yourself. You do not flaunt it on your morning walk through the neighborhood. Since then I’ve been trying to find out if they really do live in our neighborhood or not, you know. It’s not hard to believe that they would’ve purposely come from wherever they do live just to throw their habits in our faces, but if they do live in the neighborhood then I need to know exactly where so I can be sure to keep the ~~kids~~ away when they visit. Just imagine what could happen. Or don’t, it’s too horrible. Her rant was picking up steam now, and she remained completely oblivious to ~~Phil’s~~ hand on the microphone button of the walkie talkie. She couldn’t describe exactly what had moved her to do such a sneaky thing, but it was gratifying to know that this woman who paraded around the ~~family~~ like the ultimate pillar of all things motherly was failing so distinctly as a ~~mother~~ in this specific way. She freely admitted to herself that her motives were entirely selfish. It didn’t bother her. At least it wasn’t two women, ~~Marian~~ continued. I really don’t think I would’ve been able to control myself in that case. It’s just too ridiculous to imagine. I remember a ~~great-aunt~~ of mine that I only saw a few times in my life, when I was young, who had a very close ~~girl friend~~ that she lived with for many, many years. Looking back now, I can’t help but wonder, you know? No one in my ~~family~~ has ever said anything like that about it, but really, who would want to talk about such a thing. Maybe that’s why my ~~mother~~ stopped bringing us around her. See, that’s what I mean, that’s a ~~mother’s~~ job. To keep her ~~kids~~ from being exposed to the evils of this world while they’re young. Or really, as long as she is possibly able to. Our new, modern ideals have been so quick to loosen up, and look at where that’s gotten us already! Two ~~men~~! In my neighborhood! Holding hands! In BROAD DAYLIGHT. If my ~~father~~ was still around, boy, would he have had a fit. An absolute fit. He never would’ve let us see something like that. ~~Phil~~ had lost her interest in keeping her finger on the microphone button. If anyone in her ~~family~~ had been listening, they’d heard plenty that was damning. And if not, she didn’t feel the need to keep trying. Plus she was just tired of hearing this irritating ~~woman~~ talk. Enough already, for christ’s sake. Oh look! ~~Phil~~ interrupted, there’s a great spot over there that just opened up! Much shadier, and close to the store. We can take turns shopping. Oh, ~~Marian~~ said, pulled up short. Oh, sure, that sounds great. [[NOW, WHO HEARD THAT??]]

They return with a huge bag of popcorn and motion for ~~{YA}~~ to follow them through a doorway that read "Employees only". Once a light is flicked on, ~~{YA}~~ sees that it's just a closet. They find overturned boxes to sit on, then a static comes over ~~{YA}'s~~ walkie talkie. She says, wait, is that my ~~family~~ talking? [[RADIO EAVESDROPPING]]

Throughout the entire day ~~Lou~~ had found time here and there to keep up a sprawling conversation with the voice in the walkie talkie. Between rides with her family, where she made an attempt to partner up with a new ~~niece~~ or ~~nephew~~ every time (it was harder with the ~~toddlers~~ but she managed to get the ~~three-year-old~~ for the little boat ride he loved), and snacks and dinner, she could easily slip away for minute or two, or at least mutter something into the microphone that went unheard by everyone else. After the ~~babies~~ woke up, they had met back up with both ~~Grandmas~~ and taken some time to worry about ~~{YA}~~. Do you think she’s looking for us? Should we try and figure out a good spot to wait for her? ~~Charlotte~~ asked everyone, half-frantic. I mean, she’s twenty, she lives in a dorm, she should be fine to be alone for a day here, I just thought that she would be back by now. What could she be doing anyway? It’s not like she knows anyone else here. What do you think, ~~Mom~~? ~~Marian~~ shrugged, said that she wouldn’t have let her go off on her own in the first place. Just imagine what could’ve happened to her by now, she said. Oh my god, okay ~~Mom~~, not helpful, ~~Michael~~ jumped in. He told his ~~sister~~, look she’s an adult! She’s fine to be alone in a theme park for a day. If she was looking for us, she could find us within twenty minutes easy. Look at the size of this group. We can be seen from space. I just wish she had a walkie talkie, that’s all. I just wish that she could reach us. Yeah, I know, ~~Lou~~ said, back from a quick loop around to make a few comments into her walkie talkie, under the guise of checking line wait times, but really, think about you at twenty. Totally capable of spending a day alone, no problem. She’s fine, trust me. After ten or so more minutes of this, ~~Charlotte~~ mostly let the matter drop, though she continued to think about it. She doesn’t even have money for dinner! She lamented at one point, interrupting something ~~Bert~~ was saying about the lack of any “real thrill” in the park. It’s for kids, ~~Dad~~, she added afterward, not for ~~grandpas~~. It’s not supposed to thrill you. [[WALKIE TALKIE CHATS]]

The walkie talkie conversation traversed many hills and valleys of various topics, meandering with their surroundings and sun-bleached brains, supporting ~~Lou~~ as she tried to commit herself to at least a half day with her ~~family~~ where she tried not to micro-manage herself quite so much. She found herself loosening her shoulders, letting comments and movements come a little more naturally, a little less tightly trained. Her ~~siblings~~ were cracking jokes with her nonstop, and when their ~~mom~~ made some kind of meanspirited comment about intentionally leaving her out of their group, ~~Lou~~ had said that there were no puke shoes allowed in their club, and the ~~kids~~ roared up, so loudly and quickly, that she let loose a hysterical laugh that didn’t quit for the entire few minutes the kids yelled PUKE SHOES PUKE SHOES ~~GRANDMA~~ HAS PUKE SHOES! It was a moment that she tried to relay over the air waves, but it was one that she admitted you sort of had to be there for. Channel 8 agreed, but found it funny, nonetheless. For dinner, she’d had a disappointing club sandwich and potato chips and wondered if Channel 8 had found anything better? *No, my family voted and somehow soup won, of all things. It’s not as hot as yesterday, sure, but still! Soup!* She laughed at that, and said that she could top it, since yesterday was when her family had chosen soup. *God help them.* Still though, when it came time for watching the parade, she’d had enough of family fun and wormed out of it, and was now on her way back to the hotel. She had promised her ~~sister~~ that she would check her room for ~~{YA}~~ and would radio back as soon as she had. She had to ask her, what channel are we on again? Since she hadn’t used that channel all day. *It does feel strangely nice to walk around here at night alone, doesn’t it?* Have you been doing much of that? *Well, yeah. I’ve been staying with my family as long as I can stand it, but it’s so much worse trying to get out of here when it’s ten people moving through the crowd instead of one.* Ha, try nineteen. *That’s just too many.* [[BACK AT THE HOTEL]]

Back at the hotel, she knocked on her ~~sister’s~~ door, waited for a few moments, heard nothing, and sighed. ~~Charlotte's~~ anxiety would bloom fully now. She wondered if she should check the other rooms, realized that there’s no way she could’ve gotten into those ones, then thinks that she’d like to go grab a drink before relaying this news over the walkie talkie. *So, did you find her?* Channel 8 crackled. No, she clicked her microphone on to reply, but I didn’t really expect to. Why would she want to just sit in a hotel room. *Well there’s not a huge amount of better options.* True. Oh wait. She told me this morning that she’s been hanging out in the hotel arcade, I’ll check there. [[GO TO THE FRONT DESK TO ASK WHERE THE ARCADE IS]]

At the front desk, she asked the ~~woman~~ behind the counter where the arcade was. She gave her a confused look then said, unfortunately we don’t have an arcade. There’s a pinball machine in the bar though. She snorted, oh really? In the bar? The ~~woman~~ nodded, giving her a deeply morose look, I’m so sorry for the inconvenience. No, no, it’s not that, sorry, ~~Lou~~ said back. I’m laughing about something else. Where’s the bar? She pointed down the hallway and ~~Lou~~ thanked her. [[GO FIND YOUR UNDERAGE ~~NIECE~~ IN THE BAR]]

When she opened the door, she immediately saw ~~{YA}~~ violently wrestling with the pinball machine, yelling, NO NO COME ON, before throwing her hands up in the air and pouting at the person standing next to her. She registered this, as well as the five other patrons in the bar, one ~~couple~~, three ~~middle-aged men~~, one of whom turned to rake his gaze up and down her body when she opened the door, and the ~~bartender~~ who saw the ~~man~~ do this and shrugged at her sympathetically. OH HI, she called to her ~~niece~~, who leapt up, both feet momentarily leaving the ground, swiveled her head around wildly, and only visibly relaxed after she had noticed who it was. Oh, hi! ~~Lou~~ fully entered the bar now, turning her back to the ~~leering man~~ to lean against the blinking pinball machine. In a mockingly casual voice she asked, so what’s up?? ~~{YA}~~ made an indiscernible face at her ~~friend~~ before answering her ~~aunt~~. Uh, just playing a game. She paused, then pointed at a mostly-empty glass on the table next to them, this is just soda! ~~Lou~~ snorted again at that. Like I care. Who’s this? But before ~~Sam~~ could answer, she added, wait, why do I recognize you? ~~Sam~~ said, I, uh, work in the historical show theater in the park. I played it for you yesterday. ~~Lou~~ took in this information and looked back at her ~~niece~~, thought of a number of questions to add to the conversation but decided that she didn’t need to ask any of them. Instead, she said, you know most people would call this a bar, not an arcade. The ~~woman~~ at the front desk being one of those people. You know who else would call this a bar? ~~{YA}~~ scowled in anticipation of the following words. Your ~~mom~~. But I’m not actually doing anything wrong. At least I finally found something to do. Yeah, yeah, ~~Lou~~ agreed, I’m not saying it’s bad. I’m just saying that I get why you didn’t want to tell anyone where you were going this morning. Well, actually, ~~{YA}~~ jumped in, I didn’t really plan on going here. We just had some extra time after we ate earlier. ~~Lou~~ nodded, looked for a few moments at the two kids in front of her before pulling out her walkie talkie and changing the channel to 12. ~~{YA}~~’s eyes widened in panic. Hey, ~~Charlie~~? I found her. *You did?! Where was she??* In the... arcade at the hotel. *Really?* ~~*Static*~~ *Aren’t there arcade games here in the park? Wait, yeah there definitely are, why would she want to go to the hotel?* Not sure, I was too tired to ask. She’s good though, just hanging out. I gave her a roll of quarters. ~~{YA}~~ relaxed her shoulders. *Alright. Um. That’s fine, thanks. I guess. I’ll just talk to her when we get back.* When’s that going to be? *Oh probably not for a while, after the fireworks the kids want to hit a couple other rides. They say it’s cooler in the dark.* Ha, okay. When are we meeting in the morning? *We’re going to try for early again. 8 ish?* Sure, okay. See you then. ~~Lou~~ clicked the channel back to 8, then turned to pierce the two ~~kids~~ with a long stare, don’t get me into any trouble, alright? I’m gonna go get a drink. They both nodded enthusiastically and didn’t wait for her to fully turn around before going back to the game. ~~Sam~~ declared, it’s my turn now! [[ORDER A DRINK]]

At the bar, the ~~bartender~~ leaned over and asked, so, those two belong to you? ~~Lou~~ laughed, yeah sort of. The redhead is my ~~niece~~, the other one is new. She ordered one of the two beers on tap, asked to change a ten for quarters, and steadily ignored the ~~man~~ who was still making eyes at her. Ugh, some of them don’t even try to hide it, the ~~bartender~~ said lowly as she deposited the foaming glass and roll of coins in front of the ~~aunt~~. She glanced over her shoulder, grimaced, and turned back. Lucky me. The ~~bartender~~ laughed, honestly, I wouldn’t be too flattered. The standards for these guys, especially that one I’ve noticed, are hellishly low. You could be a cardboard cut-out, the effect would be the same. Perfect, the theme for my entire life continues then, she replied sarcastically, taking a drink, sighing. The ~~bartender~~ laughed again, her only acknowledgement of the comment, went back to cleaning the other side of the bar. A strange rush of people poured in soon after that, after the roll of quarters had been bashed open on the edge of a table next to the pinball machine and poured into a plastic cup, the post-fireworks/bedtime rush perhaps. ~~Lou~~ finds herself wedged in at all sides on her stool for a long while, later barely sees ~~{YA}~~ lift her hand and wave to signal that she’s leaving. She waves them on, too tired to be willing to push through the crowd to leave with them. It’s loud now, but she manages to tell channel 8 that she found her ~~niece~~. *Where was she?* In the hotel bar playing pinball. *Ha! She’s smarter than the rest of us. I wonder if my hotel has a pinball machine.* You’ll have to ask. Maybe it’s a thing around here in tourist-y hotels. A bare-bones attempt at after-hours entertainment. *After-the-hours-of-entertainment already provided for the price of the ticket?* Yes, exactly. {embed image: "Assets/Art/rollofquarters.jpg"} [[LET TIME PASS]]

They talked back and forth during the rush, ~~Lou~~ explaining the state of things and channel 8 explaining the state of the park, same as ever really. When the second fireworks show ended channel 8 said *Okay, my family is in a frenzy to get back to the room. Everyone is upset and no one ate enough dinner.* She laughed back at them, said, oh I know how that goes. The chaos in the bar was starting to subside. Honestly, she couldn’t believe how many people packed into this place at night. Is this where all the dads went after their kids and wives went to sleep? Why? What was so alluring about drinking bottom-shelf tequila in a tiny room with a bunch of other ~~dads~~ doing the same thing? After her third beer, Lou’s thoughts were starting to darkly swirl. The ~~bartender~~ kept checking in on her but that was only making it worse. Eventually it was the sense of her that ~~Lou~~ was tuned into, strangely. In all the noise and movement, she could almost smell her arrive at the place at the bar in front of her. It wasn’t anything she could put her finger on, more like something shifting, a window opening somewhere, some kind of fresh air brushing her cheek. It surprised her, and it was the last thing she needed right now. Though it seemed unimaginable for a while there, things did start to settle down after an hour or so, the bar clearly had a sense of normal that it was returning to, meaning a couple of morbidly depressed ~~parents~~ and the sharp-eyed ~~bartender~~ on duty. ~~Lou~~ wondered how her own presence fit in here, which is how she felt about most places she walked into. It was late enough at this point that the ~~bartender~~ let a few of her apparent rules for herself slide, the music choices changed ever so slightly, the volume went up a little louder, she poured herself a drink. ~~Lou~~ spared a moment to consider how exhausted she was going to be in the morning, which made her realize how exhausted she already felt in that moment. In every moment. [[TALK TO THE ~~BARTENDER~~]]

So, the ~~bartender~~ said, pulling up a stool that had been hiding somewhere behind the bar to station it directly across from ~~Lou~~, you’re still here. ~~Lou~~ glanced up self-consciously at her, yeah, guess so. Not worried about getting a good night’s sleep for another big day tomorrow? Ha, a sleep-deprived brain might make it better, in some ways. How’s that? Oh, you know, just blur the edges a little. Make the comments roll away a little easier, maybe. She chuckled, took a drink, or, you know, it’ll just make all of that a lot fucking worse. The ~~bartender~~ smirked and nodded, took a drink from her own glass, that seems more likely. Is that what it’s like then? Being on vacation with your ~~family~~? I can’t really imagine it. Well, then just try imagining it with ten ~~nieces~~ and ~~nephews~~, your ~~siblings~~ and their ~~spouses~~, your ~~mom~~ and ~~dad~~, and your ~~brother’s~~ ~~mother-in-law~~. She sucked in a breath and laughed again sharply, no. Pass. Yeah. Do you all get along? [[ANSWER HONESTLY]]

~~Lou~~ answered, well, I’m not sure anymore. I used to think so, as long as we steered clear of anything too, I don’t know, disagreeable, but it’s starting to feel like even that doesn’t help anymore. What sorts of things are “disagreeable”? The ~~bartender~~ asked, exaggerating the air quotes. ~~Lou~~ frowned to herself, fidgeted with her almost-empty glass and the soggy coaster it sat on, stayed silent for a moment. Then another moment. The ~~bartender~~ waited, looking closely at the woman in front of her, then said, I bet I can guess. ~~Lou~~ just sighed, nodded. Not impressed with my deduction skills? Ha, her frown finally cracked a little, well maybe. I just, well, I feel like I’m carrying around a giant, neon sign flashing over my head these days so I’m not all that surprised when someone points it out. Hm. Actually, I had a pretty good tip. ~~Lou~~ jerked up at this, what? Well, your ~~niece~~ and her ~~friend~~ were in here for a long time tonight, thick as thieves, playing probably, you know, seven hundred rounds of pinball. They’re really bad at it, both of them. And you know how ~~twenty-year-olds~~ are, thinking that they’re whispering when they’re really fucking shouting. ~~Lou~~ looked at her only in small peeks, pretending to be casually preoccupied with her coaster. They were talking about someone in your ~~family~~, someone who apparently said some really god awful things today, and your ~~niece~~ just couldn’t seem to get over it. I only heard small pieces here and there, but when you showed up, I took a wild guess that it was probably at least partially about you. Why would you assume that? The ~~bartender~~ shrugged, well I could easily be wrong, but this job gets pretty boring so sometimes I have to connect the dots, however incorrectly, to make a good story for myself. Oh. She looks down, abandoning her coaster and picking at a hangnail instead, too roughly, it started to bleed a little. Well then what sort of story did you make this time? The ~~bartender~~ looked at her closely now, spinning an absentminded finger around and around the rim of her glass, said, this time it was one about a ~~woman~~. A ~~woman~~ whose ~~family~~ has no idea what to do with her. Whose ~~family~~ makes her feel like she’s barely, graciously, tolerated. {embed image: 'Assets/Art/coaster.jpg'} [[AH, A SAD STORY THEN]]

Sad for them, yes. Rage-inducing for the woman. Hmm, well that part you might be wrong about. Rage isn’t sustainable. But being treated that way is? That remains to be seen. I guess. ~~Lou~~ felt, to her immense humiliation, tears welling up behind her eyes. She blinked frantically, still looking down at her hands, at the ragged edge of her hangnail, refusing to look back up at the ~~bartender~~ until they melted back. The ~~bartender~~ had other plans though. She reached a tentative hand across the bar, slowly, discreetly, one long, bare arm connecting the two bodies now through one point of connection at her hand resting next to ~~Lou’s~~, resting the sides together. A moment passed when neither of them moved. [[PANIC A LITTLE]]

Lou blinked more quickly now in a panicked haze. The three beers had cracked her open in a way she always, *always*, reserved for when she was alone, never with a witness. This arm reaching out to her now confused her in a way that was hard to explain. Never before had she wanted to give in to something so badly, to just finally collapse into someone else, to relax the muscles in her tense neck and shoulders, to let this hand hold her up, to let her tight grip on control slip away, to push consequence from her mind, she couldn’t even remember what it felt like and, if she was honest with herself, maybe had never felt it in the first place. God she wanted it. And that was really what she was afraid of, it was this want. All signs pointed to it being uncontainable if she ever let it loose, impossible to squeeze back in to the box she’d had it packed in all of these years. If the dam broke, there was no going back. But really, she didn’t know what was in front and what was in back, what there was to move to and where she would find herself moving from. A tear fell now, uncontainable. Physical proof that couldn’t be denied, a luxury she was careful never to allow herself in front of anyone else. Lots of things could be explained away, scoffed at, glossed over. She was dangerously close to leaving that territory but she was finding it harder and harder over these last few weeks to care enough to stop herself. She didn’t have the energy anymore. She was so tired. Surely life wasn’t meant to be this exhausting, was it? Did everyone else feel this way? Her ~~brother~~, her ~~sister~~? Her ~~mother~~? Finally, the ~~bartender~~ moved again, brushing her thumb along ~~Lou’s~~ hand, said, rage isn’t necessarily about the long-game. It can just fuel a moment, a moment of breaking, of changing, of correcting. I’m just, ~~Lou~~ sucked in a shaky breath, I’m just so tired though. She was teetering on a ledge she had never dared approach before. I don’t think I have that in me. The ~~bartender~~ opened her mouth to speak again but was interrupted by the sound of the bar door opening. Both ~~women~~ straightened up, folded away from each other in an equally practiced way though the ~~bartender~~ was much more smooth at it. White-hot adrenaline cleared the tears from ~~Lou’s~~ eyes, she gulped one, then two drinks of her beer, emptying the third glass. The ~~bartender~~ looked at the latest entry into the room with dismay in her eyes that ~~Lou~~ let herself imagine was only visible to her. Under her breath she muttered, christ, and then said audibly, what can I get for you? [[NOW WHAT??]]

~~Lou~~ turned to look and found her ~~brother~~ looking back at her, oh! Oh shit! He laughed, what are you doing here? She choked, forced a false laugh, I’m, uh, getting drunk, what about you? He cracked up at this, now there’s an idea I can get behind. He turned to the ~~bartender~~, pointed at his ~~sister’s~~ glass, said, two more of those please. She nodded, looking at him in a way that made him vaguely uncomfortable though he had a hard time registering why. He shook it off easily, turned to his ~~sister~~, is this where you’ve been all night? She shrugged, yeah, I guess so. Not much else to do around here. He glanced around the place, glossing over the two other ~~patrons~~ seated in their murky corners and landed on the pinball machine. Oh nice, pinball! Wanna play? She absolutely, two hundred percent did not want to play pinball in that moment, but she was afraid of giving him cause to examine her more closely, so she said, yeah sure. I don’t have any more quarters though. Any more quarters? Did you already play? He wasn’t looking at her, too busy scanning the sticky bar menu, but she felt a wave of panic wash over her anyway. She almost said too much, almost accidentally gave up ~~{YA}~~. She was slipping down the slope now, couldn’t get her footing right. No, but I gave my quarters to someone else earlier. A weak lie, she’s usually much better at this. Not that he cared, Hm, was his only response. The ~~bartender~~ set two more beers down, asked, do you want to open a tab? He shook his head as he took his first drink, swallowed, said, nah just put it on hers. He winked at his ~~sister~~ as he took a second drink. The ~~bartender~~ made a face, looked at the ~~aunt~~ to silently ask about this, she waved it off, yeah, yeah, put it on mine. The ~~bartender~~ did not hold herself back from audibly sighing before she walked away. What’s with her? He asked his ~~sister~~, not expecting a response. Okay, pinball! He yelled, throwing his left hand out to point to their destination. ~~Lou~~ caught the ~~bartender~~ out of the corner of her field of view, rolling her eyes emphatically. She turned to nod at this, but stopped when she caught the full look she was sending her way. It said clearly, this isn’t over. [[PLAY PINBALL]]

They stayed until the bar closed, kicked out with the other two ~~patrons~~ amidst loud protests from her ~~brother~~, which annoyed all of them. No!! I was so close to hitting the high score! Just a few more minutes, I swear. I swear. You won’t. Even notice me. I swear! Come on Mrs. Bartender! ~~Lou~~ had stuck to just the one additional beer that her ~~brother~~ had ordered for her, but he had managed to consume quite a few more than that in his short time there. She was still drunk, but not like him. She already dreaded the version of him they were all going to have to deal with tomorrow. He was the biggest baby on earth about hangovers. During his dramatic lamenting, she tried her best to pull him along, employing all of her old skills she’d developed when babysitting him as a kid, come on ~~Mikey~~, time for bed. You’re just mad because you’re tired, really, it’s past your bedtime. Come on, this way! She communicated silently with the ~~bartender~~ through all of this, both of their annoyance making the situation somehow both funnier and more irritating. The other two ~~patrons~~ were going more quietly, but ~~Michael’s~~ remonstrations were starting to spurn them on, giving them the impression that they could talk their way into just one more drink. Okay, enough! The ~~bartender~~ finally yelled, don’t make me fucking call security. This isn’t fucking Vegas, get out! She reached for the broom that was clipped onto the wall behind the bar and this seemed vaguely threatening enough, apparently, because the ~~men~~ started to shuffle, finally, toward the door. ~~Michael~~ had an arm draped over his ~~sister~~. He had thrown it there in a show of ~~sibling~~ bonding over their wild night, but was clearly using it as a way of keeping himself upright. They opened the door clumsily together, and ~~Lou~~ mouthed, I’m sorry, to the ~~bartender~~ as they exited. [[TAKE THE ELEVATOR]]

In the elevator, she had to keep him from pressing a bunch of floor numbers other than their own, then made for the red emergency stop button, until she finally resigned herself to holding both of his arms against his body in a giant hug. ~~Baby brothers~~ stay ~~baby brothers~~ forever, it would seem. That was so much fun, he slurred. So much fun. What a great bar. This hotel has a great bar. Too bad about that dyke ~~bartender~~ though huh. Too bad. Or is it butch? I feel like maybe she’s butch. Or is that the same thing? ~~Lou~~ increased her grip on him, channeling her startled, strangled fury into the muscles in her arms. It’s so hard to keep those things straight. Oh, ha! Straight, that’s funny. Why was she so mean? The dyke ~~bartender~~? Or whatever the word is. You would know right, what’s the right word? He turned to his ~~sister~~ and laughed loudly at his question, leaning heavily against the wall now, pinning her between them. Her lungs heaved violently, trying to contain surge of something from within her that she didn’t have a name for, her vision started to blur a little, and she wondered if she was going to have a heart attack. The doors opened then, which gave her enough focus to propel her ~~brother~~ forward with more strength than was strictly necessary, forcing his legs to catch up with the rest of him. She dug his wallet out from his pants pocket, located his room key, jammed it in the slot and shoved him through the doorway, tossing his wallet after him without a word. She heard him say HEY—before the door slammed, presumably waking everyone inside up. She didn’t give a fuck. [[BACK TO THE ELEVATOR]]

Back in the elevator she hesitated to press a floor number. A very large, familiar part of her was dying to sit under her shower head for an hour or two, sobbing under the boiling water until she had no more tears left within her. A small, less practiced part of her urged her to go back down to the lobby, back to the bar. It urged her to ask for something new for herself. She hesitated. Tears welled up in her eyes again. Larger pools this time, darker, more threatening. She hesitated too long, the elevator started moving, apparently prompted by someone else’s action somewhere, and in a few moments it opened on floor five, admitting a ~~hotel employee~~ who didn’t hide their shock at finding someone else in the elevator at this hour. She shrugged, muttered, couldn’t sleep, and they didn’t respond to her. [[GO TO SLEEP]]

Enough, she thought, enough enough enough. Flipping the covers off of herself, ~~Lou~~ rummaged around on the floor in the darkened room, searching for her shoes. One under the nightstand, another next to a suitcase, she shoved her feet into them and threw open the door, practically running for the elevator. In an instant, the doors opened out into the lobby, and an unfamiliar sense of purpose moved her body quickly across the floor, around the corner, through the door to the bar. The ~~bartender~~ wasn’t there, the room was empty even though the music still played and all of the lights were still on. A noise sounded from somewhere behind the bar. ~~Lou~~ crept forward, eyes scraping around looking for a door to a backroom or something, which she eventually found in the dark corner opposite her, a wood door with a yellow duck painted on it. She opened it quietly, walked through, found herself in a smallish hallway with two doorways at the end, one lit on the right and one dark on the left. She hesitated again, her heart pounding in her chest now so loud that she couldn’t hear anything else. It was in this spot that the bartender found her standing, as she emerged from the lit room, which caused her to flinch and gasp, oh shit, you scared me! ~~Lou~~ opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out. She thought she might burst into tears. She made a vague gesture with her right hand, still no sound would come out of her mouth though. The ~~bartender~~ watched her struggle, looked her up and down as she stood there in the doorway. ~~Lou~~ was close to bursting now, bursting with something she still didn’t have words for, something she couldn’t speak. It made her vision crooked. Her hands shake. Eventually, ~~Lou~~ realized that if she wanted something to happen, it was going to have to be her to make the first move, the ~~bartender~~ was waiting, watching. The song playing in the bar switched, it was enough to break the tension ~~Lou~~ was impossibly containing in her body, she surged forward, completely unaware of which hand or which foot moved first, only aware of a huge shifting, cement walls fracturing. It was in this way that they connected, without a sense of which arm belonged to who, who was moving this way or that. She could’ve cried, she could’ve screamed, she did neither. Instead, she woke up. [[OOF]]

Now she really did flip the covers off of herself, not in a frenzy to leave the room, but in anguish at discovering it had been a dream. ~~Lou~~ punched her fists down onto the mattress, again and again but she did not get up. She cried hot tears for a long time before she fell back asleep again. [[AGAIN]]

Okay, are you ready? A ~~woman~~ in a dark suit asks as she finishes tidying up the podium in front of Lou. We’ll give you a countdown and then open the curtains, okay? ~~Lou~~ tries to shake her head, to protest, I’m not ready! But the ~~woman~~ doesn’t look at her, just says, okay! And then disappears somewhere off to the shadows at her righthand side. She hears a different voice begin counting down somewhere from the other side of her, ten, nine… She stares at the single piece of paper that’s been placed on the podium. It’s blank. There’s a roll of quarters, a cheap pen with a logo stamped on it, and two AA batteries lined up neatly below the paper. Two, one… Whoosh, curtains draw apart in front of her and reveal the stage she is standing on, bathed in the light of a dozen spotlights. ~~Lou~~ hears clapping, so there must be an audience out there past the blinding light but she cannot see them. Not knowing what else to do, she picks up the blank piece of paper and tries to speak, to stutter, to say anything to express her confusion, but no sound comes out. No, no, no, no, no, not again, she thinks. She tries to yell, to scream, but nothing. She drops the paper and clutches her throat, desperate to make a sound. The lights begin to die down, and still, she tries to scream. Now the audience is applauding thunderously and as her eyes adjust, she sees that’s it’s her entire ~~family~~ seated just before her in the red velvet auditorium seats, clapping and cheering their hearts out. Her ~~mother~~ has tears in her eyes. [[AND AGAIN]]

Well, you see, it seems we’ve run into something strange here, the ~~doctor~~ says to ~~Lou~~. His scrubs were bone-white so he almost blended in completely to the sterile whiteness of the room they were both seated in. He wheeled his small chair over to a backlit sort of board and thrust a piece of film onto it for her to witness. It was an x-ray of a torso, it seemed. She could see a spine and ribs. You see here, he was pointing to the right corner, is where it should be, but there’s no trace of it. He stared up at it in apparent confusion for a while before turning back to her. I just don’t understand it. I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s not possible. ~~Lou~~ stared blankly at him, he was looking for feedback from her but she wasn’t even sure what exactly they were talking about. What was missing? He kept staring though, offered no further remarks, and finally she had to break eye contact with him because it was getting really uncomfortable. She looked down at her hands and gasped. Cupped in her two palms was something that looked like a large rock and it was glowing an eerie red light that made her hands look blood stained. The ~~doctor~~ made a triumphant noise, Oh! There it is! Well, now that you’ve removed it, what are you going to do with it? [[AND...AGAIN]]

Powdery, dry snow crunched and slid beneath ~~Lou’s~~ feet and she pulled her jacket more tightly around her body. She was almost there, the light coming faintly from around the next corner promised that. Slowly, slowly, she wasn’t wearing the right shoes for snow, she made her way there, arriving finally at the cobblestone house with cheerfully lit windows and twinkling lights strung all around the corners and roof. After scraping her shoes on the mat, she lifted her left hand to ring the doorbell, but found she was clutching a roll of papers in that hand, so she had to use her right one. No answer. Again, she rang it and again no answer. Something in her mind signaled to laugh this off as typical, and she set off along the side of the house to wave at somebody through a window. The first window was the only dark one in the house it seemed, and she could faintly see her own reflection in it thanks to the glow of the house. She was satisfied to find her mole under her right eye, just where it should be. The next window was brightly lit and revealed a whole pile of people gathered in the kitchen, busily chopping and stirring and tasting away. She brought her hand up to knock on it and get someone to let her in, but froze in horror as her eyes fell on one of the figures. It was…herself? ~~Lou~~ looked in, astonished, at the person inside who looked exactly like her. She watched her chop a potato and laugh at something her ~~sister~~ said, she watched her sip her wine and fill her ~~brother’s~~ glass for him. And then ~~Lou~~ looked closer and saw her eye mole under her left eye and opened her mouth to shriek in terror at finding it there. [[WAKE]]

The effort of the silent scream woke her up, she clutched her throat in real life this time, terror freezing her in place within her sheets. She wanted to scream into the hotel pillow to see if she could, but was afraid of her neighbors calling in a complaint to the lobby. With a huge effort, she pulled herself upright and paced the room as she tried to bring her erratic breathing back to normal. How could she verify that she was awake? Was this just another dream? She felt her mind slipping away from her, leaking out of her ears, creeping under the door jam and abandoning her entirely. The clock read 4:30am and she realized that all of these nightmares had happened in about one hour of sleeping. She couldn’t get back in bed and risk that happening for the next four hours, she had to get out of this room. ~~Lou~~ wracked her brain to try and think of a way to make absolutely sure that she was really awake this time as she pulled her shoes on and sweatshirt over her head. She left her pajama shorts on, she was well past caring about changing into real clothes, and walked down the hallway to the elevator. She wasn’t sure how late the diner stayed open but it was her only idea. [[GO DOWN TO THE DINER]]

Once outside, she gulped deep breaths of dark night air and this, gradually, brought her to trust that she was really awake. It settled her somehow. By the time she found the diner, thankfully open, and pulled the handle of the front door, she felt more like herself. Just slightly shaken. A ~~waitress~~ noticed her walk in from across the restaurant and called out, go ahead and sit wherever, I’ll be with you in a moment. ~~Lou~~ nodded in response, not sure if her voice would work if she tried it, and she turned to scan around for a table. There was a number of other ~~people~~ there, likely people who worked theme park or theme park-adjacent jobs that had just ended for the night, but there was one person whose face sent an electric shock through her whole body. The ~~bartender~~. They made eye contact and ~~Lou~~ hesitated, dreading the thought that this might really just be a dream after all. But, either way, she couldn’t stay standing here at the front door so she started walking toward her table by the big window. The ~~bartender~~ was smirking at her the whole way. When ~~Lou~~ finally was standing in front of her, she said, I would say that line from Casablanca but I don’t want you to tease me for being too corny. WHAT, ~~Lou~~ near-yelled back, which made the ~~bartender~~ to raise her eyebrows high in surprise, and several other diner’s glance over their way. Uh, the ~~bartender~~ said as her only response. ~~Lou’s~~ face flushed miserably, it’s uh, she started to explain, then gave up and cleared her throat, sorry. The two women looked at each other for a few moments before the ~~bartender~~ said, sooo, you wanna sit down? ~~Lou~~ nodded and sat. Their eye contact was becoming a little too much for her already, so she pretending to read over the menu for a while. The ~~waitress~~ came over to take her order, just coffee for now please, ~~Lou~~ had almost-whispered at her. After she walked off, the ~~bartender~~ said, what on earth is with your voice. It was normal an hour ago. ~~Lou~~ sighed, cleared her throat again and said, it’s a weird story, finally at a normal volume. Well, do tell, was the reply. Just… weird dreams. I can’t really remember them fully. But I would try to scream and nothing would come out. Hm. ~~Lou~~, desperate to change the subject, asked, so can I have your name? The ~~bartender~~ smiled, finished a bite of pancake that she was chewing. Ruth. ~~Lou~~ smiled a little too, said her own name back. [[ORDER SOME FOOD]]

Eventually ~~Lou~~ ordered a plate of hashbrowns to give her body something other than the beer and coffee she had drunk in the last handful of hours. The plate that had been delivered to her was burning hot to the touch, and the fried-golden hashbrowns themselves had a perfect layer of salt and grease that were so appealing to her in this moment that she didn’t care about burning her tongue on them. She ate, ~~Ruth~~ talked to her about what it was like to live in this town, and gradually she began to feel just fine. Then she asked ~~Lou~~ what her own town was like, and so an hour passed there in the diner, where the light was warm and the night was kept at bay, ~~Lou~~ drank her coffee and forgot about the complicated things for a while. When ~~Ruth~~ eventually began to gather up her things to head home, she said to ~~Lou~~, well, maybe I’ll come visit you sometime, then wrote her number down on the back of her receipt and slid it over to ~~Lou~~. A vague feeling of disappointment settled over ~~Lou~~. Here was an ending that she hadn’t considered, and yet as she faced it, she really didn’t have any other suggestions for how it could happen. Of course, they would part ways as friends with notions about seeing each other again someday. This was the sort of thing she was used to. She dreamed no more dreams that night, good or bad. [[DAY FOUR]]

[[BEGIN]]

Day four was rarely a good day on these trips. Everyone is tired at this point, everyone is mad at somebody, everyone has sore feet. This time, for many reasons, it was even worse. ~~Michael~~ was wildly hungover, and somehow blamed his ~~sister~~ for this. His ~~sister~~ wasn’t speaking to him for reasons that he couldn’t remember. ~~Margot~~ was also angry with his ~~sister~~ for allowing ~~Michael~~ to wake up the entire family the night (morning really) before, which resulted in the ~~baby~~ being awake for three hours afterward. ~~{YA}~~ was mad at everyone for reasons that no one, aside from ~~Lou~~, understood. Many of the ~~children~~ were mad at each other for a variety of changing reasons. ~~Charlotte~~ was residually mad at ~~{YA}~~ for putting her through such stress yesterday. ~~Marian~~ was mad at ~~Bert~~ because of something he had said, or was it something he had done? No one cared enough to uncover the exact reason, that dynamic was normal. ~~Phil~~ was mad at the hotel for offering such little respite from this family. ~~Ben~~ was mad at the sun for turning his skin such a deep shade of red. ~~Charlotte~~ called around to all the rooms that morning to tell everyone to turn their radios on, channel 5 that day, and to remind them all to meet down in the lobby at 8. [[GO TO THE LOBBY]]

As 8 o’clock came and went ~~Michael’s~~ family and ~~Lou~~ were missing. ~~Charlotte’s~~ ~~kids~~ were running wild around the lobby and all of the ~~adults~~ present were pretending not to notice. ~~{YA}~~ was seated off to the side on one of those vaguely mint-green khaki-ish colored polyester couches, arms crossed, legs crossed, jelly sandals, tiny sunglasses, and frown on. Her walkie talkie had fresh batteries in it thanks to her ~~mom’s~~ insistence. No one had tried to figure out what she was upset about. Though they had acknowledged it to each other through shrugs and eye rolls, they hadn’t so much as hinted at it to her. Everyone was too busy hoping someone would notice their own frustration to care much about anyone else’s. The elevator opened around 8:15 and revealed ~~Lou~~, clad in a giant t-shirt, cut offs, and white sneakers, with her sunglasses perched messily on her head and a paper cup of coffee in her hand. No one pointed out that she was late though she knew everyone was thinking it. She didn’t ask where ~~Michael~~ was because she didn’t care. After a few moments of silence, broken only by the energetic ~~children~~, she commented quietly, wow, fun group today. [[GIVE UP ON ~~MICHAEL'S FAMILY~~]]

Finally ~~Charlotte~~ said, someone tell ~~Michael~~ to just meet us in the park. I’m not wasting my vacation in this lobby because he’s hungover. One of the ~~kids~~ heard this, asked, ~~Mom~~, what’s hungover? It’s when you act so stupid that it makes your body want to throw up, his ~~dad~~ answered. ~~Lou~~ made a small, mocking face at this to herself, ~~{YA}~~ audibly scoffed. She hated when her ~~parents~~ made up lies to tell her ~~siblings~~. ~~Grandma Marian~~ jumped in here, protesting her ~~son’s~~ behavior as being labeled stupid, which resulted in ~~Charlotte~~ saying, well it’s not inaccurate! Which then resulted in ~~Grandpa~~ joining in, and eventually the ~~kids~~ took notice of this growing chaos and decided to more directly add to it by demanding five different first rides of the day, as well as one immediate bathroom break. ~~Lou~~ checked that her channel was switched to 8 and held the microphone button down. Five minutes of noise that eventually ended with ~~Grandpa Bert~~ shouting, **Enough! I’m tired of standing in this god damn lobby!** And then stomping out the sliding doors. The group paused, then slowly followed. *Wow isn’t there some rule about peace before 9am in your family?* Not a chance, that’s when all the most long-standing grudges are born. They had slightly altered their manner of information giving yesterday. Only when one of them was safely deep into a line or leaving an area would they mention anything at all about what they were specifically doing. Somehow, silently, they had agreed that they shouldn’t plan to meet. Their reasons for this were also not discussed. Travelling from the lobby to just-outside-the-lobby did little to actually progress their journey to the park. Some wanted to get breakfast, some wanted to shop, others wanted to ride roller coasters, others wanted to take picture with characters. So, they split the group into two, then eventually three, and finally four once they remembered ~~Michael’s~~ family. A walkie talkie for each. [[ENTER THE PARK, DAY FOUR]]

Somehow, some way, they all got into the park. ~~Lou~~ really hadn’t paid any sort of attention to the proceedings: people moved, she followed, the person at the gate asked for her ticket, she retrieved it, people moved again, again she followed. She was absent from herself, from her ~~family~~, for a few blessed moments, and was disappointed to return but someone had said her name and she realized that her coffee cup was empty. It had been ~~Charlotte~~, saying, did you hear me? Oh, uh, no. What did you say? Her ~~sister~~ sighed enormously, slumped her shoulders, said, apparently for the second time, so you want to go shopping with us? ~~Lou~~ looked around and found only her ~~sister~~, her ~~mother~~, and ~~{YA}~~ around her in a semi-circle, looking at her for an answer. Uh, no, not really. But you guys go ahead, I’m fine to wait. Her ~~sister~~ sighed louder this time. She was unwilling to express her irritation in any understandable way but she didn’t want to let anyone forget that it was still there. We can’t go without you, you have the walkie talkie. ~~Lou~~ looked at the hand which was not holding the empty coffee cup and found the walkie talkie in it, turned to channel 12. Oh. Well, then, I’ll walk with you. I’ll just wait outside while you shop. Her ~~mother~~ frowned at this. Why do you have to be so weird about it? Just come inside and shop with us. You’d really rather sit outside the store, alone, than come in and hang out with us? [[STAY OUTSIDE WITH ~~LOU~~]] [[GO INSIDE WITH ]] ~~{YA}~~

Perhaps the biggest problem here is that these two categories of moods are often pulled forth one after the other, back and forth across the camps until her brain is a sick game of tennis, one where she has no control over the rackets. By the fourth or fifth day, she starts to wonder if she’s really, truly mentally unwell. How could she be feeling these things when everyone else around her, everyone present, whose lives she knows so well, seems to be having a normal and happy, albeit chaotic, time? The stress she feels clenching her back and shoulder muscles is not something she believes they can imagine. Years of her life now have been spent trying to understand this in particular. The difference. What exit did she take that they all drove on past? She defected from something that they aren’t even aware of choosing, it’s all reflex. Or maybe, really, this is all another sign of her ill-ness, her un-wellness. This obsession with an imagined distinction. What makes her so special to think that she’s so different? Maybe she’s exactly the same except for the fact that she’s making herself miserable. She supposes that right there is enough proof that something is wrong. That she’s doing it to herself. Who would choose such a thing? Yes, there’s that. Who would choose such a thing? Who would choose to be unhappy with their family. Especially when they all seem so happy. Who would want that? Well, can she honestly say she wants it? Sometimes she thinks so. [[DOWN, DOWN, DOWN...]]

Because if she’s really, fully, happy around her family, what does that say? In regards to their behavior and her acceptance of it? If she doesn’t express her unhappiness in some form or another, then if she ever wants to confront them about how they’ve treated her, talked about her (even when they were supposedly unaware it was her that they were really talking about), they can simply respond, but you never seemed upset. You always seemed happy! You were never bothered. How would we know you were bothered when you never said so. When you never acted like it. She’s really spiraling now, family inside the store and left to her own miserable thoughts outside. It’s not like she could really believe that they would say anything different than that with the way she’s acting now. And, if she’s really honest, she knows that even if she acted more upset, even more bothered, they would still claim that she wasn’t. But you never *said* anything, is what they would say. We can’t read your mind. How would we know? [[...]]

(That was the imagined question that killed her. That they would claim they had no way of knowing. Of knowing her. Of knowing that she was queer. Of knowing that she would take things personally. Of knowing her.) Did any of them really know her? Did any of them even want to? It was becoming rapidly clear to her that they would much, much, prefer to keep this edited version of her in their minds in place of learning about the true one. And what was she supposed to do with that information? [[THIS ISN'T GOOD]]

The walkie talkie in her hand started to crackle, but instead of words she faintly heard the beginning strains of “Pull Up the Roots”, the Talking Heads song that she loved in college. When she held it closer to her ear, it stopped. A loud bell rings dangerously close to her head, she narrowly dodges a horse-pulled trolley. [[KEEP GOING]]

In the line for the kiddie roller coaster ~~Lou~~ has a panic attack. When her chest began that familiar squeeze, air refusing to enter her lungs in any meaningful quantity, she choked out an excuse that bypassed her brain entirely, it could’ve been anything, and frantically searched her splintering mind for where the closest bathroom was supposed to be. She noticed a few concerned looks from other ~~mothers~~ she passed, only because they struck her as so abnormal, and miraculously found herself slamming a stall door shut, hands shaking so hard it took her three tries to slide the lock. Tears came now, here where it was safe enough for them to fall, and she clamped both her hands over her mouth and nose to keep the noise of her ragged breathing from leaving her own cramped corner of clawed out solace. She tried to remember all of her tricks, but the counting breath thing was the one thing that surfaced. Desperately she silently counted out five breaths then held it, exhaled as slowly as she could. Even the right number of seconds was lost. Over and over and over again. Again, she heard the radio crackle and that Talking Heads song play, somewhere in the middle this time. The words didn’t filter through to her clearly though, at least, not in the usual way. Instead, they seemed to land on her bones, burrowing their way into her sinew. Her shuddering breaths were threatening to break free from her hands and she didn’t know how she was ever going to make it out of here. [[MAYBE YOU WON'T]]

After hearing dozens upon dozens of toilet flushes in the bathroom all around her, there was never even a moment without the sound of one crashing right after another, ~~Lou’s~~ breath began to reach some semblance of normal, though the same could not be said of her face. She was forced to sit there, wiping her face with flimsy, scratchy toilet paper, until she thought maybe it was okay enough to venture out to the sinks. She didn’t bother looking at her reflection, just washed her hands and splashed her face repeatedly with the regrettably warm water. She’d kill for freezing cold water to submerge her entire head into right now. [[EXIT THE BATHROOM]]

She wove her way out of the crowded bathroom and squinted behind her firmly replaced sunglasses in the blaring sun to look for her family. Into the walkie talkie she said flatly, I think my family is really going to be the death of me this time. *Maybe that’s what they’re going for,* came the startingly reply, spoken the split second before she was in earshot of them, so she couldn’t reply back. They were underneath one of the rarely found trees, the kind whose shade is so flimsy it’s hardly worth the effort it takes to stake it out, looking grumpy. One ~~toddler~~ was crying. She tried to breeze into the group and ignore the walkie talkie joke that hadn’t landed quite right (which is what she assumed had happened there), as if she’d been gone for a much shorter period of time than she really had been. She didn’t acknowledge that they had clearly been waiting for her and waited for someone to call her out on it. They did, half-heartedly, before moving on to more important topics. Some silence-filling discussion was being had about a ~~kid~~ who had apparently walked past them when she was in the bathroom. ~~Grandpa~~ was vehement about the certainty of the ~~kid’s~~ supposed gender, girl, while his other ~~daughter~~ was arguing that, really, that had been a ~~boy~~. His hair had been long, and that was her ~~father’s~~ hang-up. Who the hell would let their ~~son~~ walk around with hair like that? Imagine what the other ~~boys~~ at school call him! ~~Lou~~ felt her breathing falter. She gripped the foam padding of a stroller handle, really dug her nails into it, and focused on monitoring how closely she could walk the line of pain. Just enough was good enough to pull her focus away from the conversation, to keep the words floating in the air around her rather than letting them touch her skin, too much zeroed her thoughts in on the absurdity of this coping mechanism and the reality that made her feel it was necessary. When she abruptly reached the point of too much pain, she quietly gasped. What’s wrong? Her ~~mom~~ asked her, turning her laser-focused eyes on her ~~daughter’s~~ face. ~~Lou~~ quickly shook her head, just a bug, and shook her hand loosely in the air. The conversation drifted towards their next move. [[KEEP MOVING]]

She really needed to catch a break that day but the forces at work around her were just moving too quickly. The lines were uncharacteristically short, so the family rocketed from one ride to the next in a blur that completely disoriented her. Even in this place she had been many times before, she found herself lost, confused when everyone turned right as she instinctively went left. Everyone was saying that it was much cooler out than it had been in the previous days, but she felt like it was impossibly hotter. Her breathing never quite got back to normal after her episode earlier, and no amount of water she managed to suck down seemed to help the temperature of her skin. Her ~~brother~~ asked her at some point if she was okay, but she quickly shrugged him off and moved up to a different part of their roving group. Every time she looked at him she imagined his grimacing face as he called the ~~bartender~~ a dyke, inserting her own name into the equation. It wasn’t surprising. But it was impassable. A point came when things began to finally slow. A ~~kid~~ complained about his legs hurting, another wanted a snack, a third wanted to swim. ~~Lou~~ didn’t hesitate, she took her moment to announce her own need for a snack as she already began her first steps away from them, but was thwarted by her ~~mother~~ asking her what she was going to go get. This is where she faltered. She had no appetite, so nothing came to mind. Her ~~mother~~ waited, watching her ~~daughter's~~ face expectantly. Nothing, nothing, nothing ran on a loop in her brain. She didn’t even know what time it was, if simply saying she was getting coffee would sound insane at whatever hour it was. In the end, she had to go with that as more of her family turned, curious at the silence. I just need some coffee. She paused. I haven’t been sleeping enough. Ha, her ~~sister~~ turned now to scoff, the person with a room all to herself isn’t sleeping well. Imagine how we all feel! She laughed heartily and turned back to her ~~child~~, arguing over which snacks were acceptable and which were technically dessert. Their ~~mother~~ chuckled along with this joke but then said, well, I’ll go with you, I could use some more water. [[GREAT]]

The two of them walked away from the group after agreeing to switch to channel 4 and though it had been ~~Lou’s~~ idea, she couldn’t figure out where they were so her ~~mom~~ led the way. Led the way was truly the most correct way to describe it, as she had the habit of walking five or so steps in front of anyone she was walking with, always adjusting her pace to maintain this distance (or even slowly increase it). For once she was grateful for this habit as it meant she had a chance to mutter things into the walkie talkie without any worry that her ~~mother~~ would hear. God it must be hotter today than it’s been all week. I don’t know what everyone is talking about, saying it’s so mild today. *Yeah I was watching the news when I went back to the hotel earlier, they say it’s close to a hundred today.* A hundred! She frowned, thought back to the loose flannel shirt the ~~{YA}~~ was wearing that day. Really, a hundred? *Crazy, right?* At one point it got too crowded for her ~~mom~~ to keep her lead, so she leaned in to her ~~daughter~~ and said, oh it’s so nice just the two of us. You’re always so calm, so easy. It’s a nice break from your bickering ~~siblings~~. ~~Lou~~ was still one small step from falling off of the cliff she was leaning over and had no possible response to these assertions. [[TRY TO GET A FUCKING GRIP]]

Iced coffee in hand, periodically pressing it against her cheek, ~~Lou~~ waited as her ~~mom~~ used the bathroom. She still wasn’t sure what time it was. She kept looking for a clock but couldn’t seem to find one anywhere. The parade music had started, thought the parade hadn’t appeared yet, and she wondered if it might just be the last straw. She clicked her walkie talkie microphone on, let the ear-wormy music crawl in. When she let it go she immediately heard, *aagh—enough, enough!* For the first time that day she laughed. *I was hearing it in double! Who writes this stuff?* Somebody desperate? A paycheck is a paycheck. *You don’t think it’s someone who really loves all this shit?* She considers it, says, maybe. It’s hard to imagine that though. *What do you mean? You’re surrounded by people who love this aren’t you?* I guess I meant more like, it’s hard to imagine someone with this skill gleefully wasting it on something so trivial. *Ah, you like to imagine that true artists have good taste?* She sighs to herself, then replies, I just have a hard time imagining someone willfully suffering when there is another option. *Is that not what you’re doing?* Now she frowns, glances over her shoulder reflexively as if expecting to find someone watching her from afar, what’s that supposed to mean, she asks. *With your family?* Everyone suffers with their family, she replies huffily. ~~*Static*~~ She waits, moves the walkie talkie closer to her ear. ~~*Static*~~ Well! She says into her walkie talkie, it’s true! ~~*Static*~~ [[IS IT?]]

~~Marian~~ emerged from the bathroom and asked her ~~daughter~~ to radio the family to find out where they had ended up. ~~Lou~~ clicked the channel down to 4 and called her ~~sister’s~~ name into it. *We’re getting ice cream!* [[GO GET SOME ICE CREAM]]

The entire ~~family~~ was in line aside from ~~Phil~~ who was waiting with the strollers. ~~Marian~~ bulldozed her way up to the front, insistent on placing everyone’s order for them, which resulted in the cashier hearing every order twice, once when it was told to ~~Marian~~ and again when ~~Marian~~ repeated it to the them. She had landed right in between the ~~ten- and eleven-year-old~~ who were arguing over what was the best ice cream flavor. She made eye contact with ~~Lou~~ and said loudly, well I know at least one person’s favorite! My ~~Louise~~ loves her bubblegum! ~~Lou~~ pulled a disgusted face, what? ~~Marian~~ made an equally disgusted face back at her, don’t act like I don’t know what I’m talking about! Your favorite! Bubblegum! I’ve never loved bubblegum? I always get {LouFavoriteIceCream}. Her ~~mom~~ grew visibly frustrated now. No. Bubblegum has always been your favorite. I’m your ~~mother~~, I’d obviously know. Ever since you were four years old, all you would eat is bubblegum ice cream! What, you know what I like better than I do? I fucking hate bubblegum ice cream. At this, the group froze. Everyone was well acquainted with what would come next. Her ~~mother~~ threw her hand in the air, everyone flinched. Do not use that language at me! What, I’m not allowed to make a mistake? Over ice cream? What’s wrong with you? This was too much. It was really, really too much. Without another word she climbed out of the spiraling line, ignoring the protests rising from her ~~family~~. [[GET SOME AIR WITH ~~LOU~~]] [[ORDER ICE CREAM]]

Her ~~family~~ exited the ice cream shop as a flood of people, precariously balancing scoops on top of cones while also trying to keep a hold of the smaller ~~children~~ that were prone to wandering away. Her ~~mother~~ wouldn’t look at her. ~~{YA}~~ sidled up to her discreetly in the noise and passed her a scoop of {LouFavoriteIceCream} on a waffle cone. ~~Lou~~ almost cried. [[EVENING PLANS]]

The general consensus was that they should watch the fireworks that night one last time, since they probably wouldn’t feel like it on their last couple of nights here which were rapidly approaching. This led to the inevitable, laborious, negotiation over where they should claim a spot. It seemed that every place had its pros and cons. Here there was a clear shot of the sky, but it was near impossible to see the projected video display that went with the show. Over here they could see the video, but a large tree blocked much of the sky. A spot in view of both was extremely close to one of the speakers and would terrify the younger ones while deafening the older. Around and around and around the middle of the park they went, stopping directly in front of other camped-out ~~families~~ that already had spots in that area, discussing the drawbacks of said area plenty loud enough for them to hear, and then moving on to the next one. ~~Grandpa Bert~~ was about to have a fit, because he was tall enough to see both parts of the show from every spot and wouldn’t listen to anyone pointing out that this absolutely wasn’t true for anyone else in his ~~family~~. [[SIT WITH ~~LOU~~]] [[SIT WITH ~~PHIL~~]]

A spot was chosen, strollers were parked, the ~~family~~ began to settle. They had an hour or so until the show though, so they were stuck making stilted, tired conversation with each other, refusing to admit defeat but really wishing, across the board, that they could be anywhere else. ~~Phil~~ had ended up sitting next to ~~Lou~~ on the edge of things. Both of them were less willing than the rest to engage in small talk just for the sake of seeming polite, which is why they often gravitated to sitting in the same areas at these sorts of ~~family~~ events. They rarely talked, and this was how they wanted it. This time though, ~~Phil~~ started up a conversation, Do you know if your ~~parents~~ have someone managing their retirement plan? This question was so far out of the realm of anything ~~Lou~~ would know about that she almost thought it was a joke. What? You know, a financial person? Oh, uh, no. Nope, I have no idea. Hm. I should tell them about the woman managing mine, ~~Laura~~. ~~Lou~~ nodded absently, wishing for their old, companionable silence back. Although, maybe it’s better if I don’t. Now that I know how your ~~mom~~ feels about people like her. She hated when people fished for questions in conversation. So much so that she almost ignored this comment, but there was nothing else to do. She couldn’t even talk to channel 8 with ~~Phil~~ right there. People like her? You know, *homosexuals*. In that moment, ~~Lou~~ really considered how much changing a plane ticket might cost. She thought to her modest bank account and tired credit card, figured her budget might be pretty high even given those factors. If she could pay someone a thousand dollars right now to instantly transport her away from this exact spot, she’d do it without hesitation. Oh, hm. To be honest, I was pretty surprised at the comments she made to me yesterday on the subject. She’s very concerned about some new neighbors of hers apparently. ~~Lou~~ laughed internally picturing her ~~mother’s~~ perfect neighborhood finally being something other than the perfectly white, perfectly straight, perfectly upper-middle-class utopia she imagined it to be. Oh yeah? You’ve never heard her say stuff like that before? ~~Phil~~ paused at her response, clearly not expecting this reaction. Well, no, I can’t say I have. Weird. She normally works it in there pretty regularly. Maybe she thinks you’re gay. ~~Phil~~ straightened up violently at this, dusting off her immaculately pressed pants and huffing a little to herself. She waited a long time before making another comment. It was on a different subject. [[FOLLOW ~~LOU'S~~ TRAIN OF THOUGHT]] [[FOLLOW ~~PHIL'S~~ TRAIN OF THOUGHT]]

The fireworks ended. ~~Lou~~ could hardly call to mind any of the colors or effects that had just passed before her eyes, in fact she’d hardly noticed it happening. Her consciousness seemed to disconnect from her surroundings, her thoughts occupying such a depth that she didn’t register the noise, the lights, the movement, all around her. These were the kind of thoughts that came without solid words. Murky, undefined. The crowd began to splinter, people crashing against one another, barely sparing the energy to let someone pass around them. Her ~~family~~ rose up, began to drift slowly to the left as she stayed seated on the curb. Suddenly she felt a complete loss of will. Maybe if she sat here long enough, they would just leave her in peace. All of her practiced inaction had led up to this moment. She could sit and wait for them to move away from her instead of clinging on, instead of dragging herself toward them again, and again, and again. Her limbs were still as stone, her breathing quite even. At any moment she expected someone from the pulsing crowd to trip over her, crash into her silence and shatter it, but none did. She would have closed her eyes but she didn’t notice herself seeing anything, so it would have been redundant. She just waited. The moon moved an inch, low across the black sky, her breath deepened and she noticed the crowd had returned to its normal, streaming constant. [[SIT STILL, LET THEM LEAVE YOU BEHIND, IT COULD BE THAT EASY]]

~~Auntie Lou~~! A tiny voice sliced through to her, breaking the spell. She sighed, pushed herself up off of the curb and called back, yeah, yeah, I’m here. [[AH, OF COURSE]]

Back at the hotel later, the general feeling was one of pure exhaustion. Each room group splintered off with barely an acknowledging, goodnight, goodnight, see you in the morning. Crowded elevators had permitted only a few of them in at a time, so they shared these faint parting words in the lobby. ~~Lou~~ was last, she had waved her father onto the previous elevator with the rest of his room when he had motioned for her to go in his place. ~~Mom~~ needs your help, it’s fine, ~~Dad~~. Once in her room she nearly tore her clothes trying to get out of them so she could get into the shower as fast as possible. They had been damp with sweat and then dried and then dampened again so many times, she didn’t even want to think about it too closely. Despite turning the knob all the way to hot, the water stayed lukewarm and unsatisfying, so ~~Lou~~ made up for it by scrubbing her entire body with a coarse washcloth until her skin felt red and new. Her feet ached, her legs ached, her hips ached, her back ached. She thought she could feel the beginnings of a migraine. She wondered how late she might be able to manage to sleep in the next day. She could just pull the phone cord out of the wall. But at what point would her mother get a concierge to unlock her door? Finally, under the blissfully cool hotel sheets, Lou tried to skip her nightly obsessing and just fall right to sleep. But after thirty minutes of staring at the inside of her eyelids, she knews sleep wasn't coming for her. [[GO FOR A WALK]]

The air outside was damp and almost-cool. The moon shone brightly above the park where lights from the ever-lit attractions joined it in the sky. It gave the illusion of a cluster of galaxies hanging just overhead. ~~Lou~~ was startled out of her observations when she noticed the back of a familiar head already sitting in one of the lounge chairs she was headed for. [[JOIN ~~BERT~~]]

Hey ~~dad~~, she spoke softly. ~~Bert~~ jumped slightly, turned to look at her. Oh, ~~Louise~~, hi. She groaned at her sore body as she sat in the chair next to him. Ow, she said. Her ~~father~~ chuckled sympathetically, me too, kid, me too. ~~Lou~~ replied, I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Just a couple more days, it’ll go by quick, ~~Bert~~ answered. She hesitated. Somehow, she found herself feeling like she didn’t care to hold herself back, in this moment she felt too tired to measure out her words as carefully as she always did. For once, she wanted to be allowed to not be careful. To just be. That’s… not exactly what I meant. The words left her mouth before she even realized she had thought them. Her heart started to beat a little faster. Just this small confession sent adrenaline coursing through her body. Hm? ~~Bert~~ answered absently, his thoughts still far away from his ~~daughter~~. I don’t know, things are just tough. ~~Lou~~ was floundering, what words could she cobble together to describe all of these feelings? How could she possibly describe it? What things? Your job? I thought your ~~mother~~ had said that was going alright for you. Yeah, I guess it is. But that’s not what I meant either. I meant… I don’t know. Like, there’s everyone here, and then there’s me. He glanced over at her now, confusion clear on his face. She sighed heavily. I mean, everyone here belongs and I don’t. ~~Louise~~, that’s absurd. How could you not belong to your own family? No no no. I’m saying this all wrong. Well, what are you trying to say? [[PAUSE, COLLECT YOUR THOUGHTS]]

[[OKAY, CONTINUE]]

I just feel like no one gets me. Like no one here really knows me. Well. He paused a long moment, then added, you don’t exactly make it easy to know you, do you? ~~Lou~~ frowned, I don’t know that that’s true. Sweetie, we try to get to know you all the time, but you’re so closed off about things. We’re always afraid we’re going to say the wrong things! But, when was the last time you tried to ask me things? All the time! ~~Dad~~, that is not at all how it feels to me. ~~Louise~~, I hear your ~~mom~~ asking you all the time about how work is going or if you’re seeing anyone or what sorts of plans you’re making. What is that if not trying to know you? Now she groaned in frustration, ~~Dad~~ those are not questions that lead to knowing someone! If anything it just shows that she doesn’t know about anything that I actually care about. But those are the sorts of things that ~~parents~~ want to know about! But that just makes me feel like… like, you just want my resume or something. Like, just the polished facts about me, nothing messy. ~~Bert~~ sighed, continued to stare out at the night sky. Sweetie, there’s nothing messy about you. Or, at least, nothing more messy than the rest of us. We all have our messes. ~~Lou~~ thought she detected some faint, implied meaning underneath these words. She turned to look at her ~~father~~ to see if it would show on his face. The grey in his eyebrows and the lines around his mouth still surprised her sometimes, made the familiar landscape of his face slightly startling to her. He looked back at her calmly, with love in his eyes, and she thought, maybe, just maybe, he might understand after all. She turned back to face forward again. I feel very messy, she added quietly. Hm, yeah. Well, life’s just sort of like that. It just feels like it would be really helpful if I didn’t have to hide it. Who says you have to hide it? It just really feels that way. But you see that we’re all messy, right? Me, your ~~mom~~, your ~~brother~~ and ~~sister~~. Even old ~~Phyllis~~, as much as she pretends not to be, he added with a chuckle. But… I’m messy in a different way. Now what on earth do you mean by that ~~Louise~~? I’m just… not going to have the same sort of life as all of the rest of you. He took a moment after this last reply, cracked a couple of the knuckles on his right hand, then said quietly, there’s lots of different kinds of lives. You don’t need to have the same kind. ~~Lou~~ felt tears building behind her eyes. She felt the weight on her shoulders threaten to lift. She didn’t trust herself to speak so she just nodded and kept looking at the moon. After a moment, ~~Bert~~ reached over to rest his right hand on top of her left that laid on the armrest of the chair. Don’t tell ~~mom~~ about any of this. Please? [[BACK TO BED]]

Inside the car, ~~Lou~~ is searching around for the button that will unlock the doors and let her out onto the sidewalk. Somehow, she can’t seem to locate it. She fumbles around, accidentally turns on the windshield wipers, the hazard lights, the radio. Panic is rapidly ballooning inside her chest, the air in the car is hot and stuffy and she can’t remember how she got here in the first place. She looks up, out the side window, hoping to catch the eye of someone walking by to ask for help. People are streaming past, but none look down. Then she sees someone familiar, someone whose face itches her brain but whom she can’t quite place. The woman she recognizes walks with another woman she doesn’t, her arm slung over the shoulder of the stranger, and is completely, fully, at ease. ~~Lou~~ knocks on the window to try and get her attention, but she’s preoccupied with the conversation they’re having, she doesn’t see ~~Lou~~ with her face pressed up against the car window. A cassette starts to play in the tape deck, so loudly that she has to clap her hands over her ears as she watches the two women disappear into the crowd. [[MORNING, DAY FIVE]]

These dreams are beginning to be so consistent that they don’t even frighten ~~Lou~~ awake anymore, she just slowly opens her eyes and tries to immediately rid her mind of whatever fresh hell sleep had unleashed upon it this time. The hotel phone is ringing incessantly in her ear, and she realizes that she forgot to unplug the phone cord before falling asleep the night before. A glance at the clock tells her it’s 8:15 and she considers unplugging it now and going back to sleep. She hadn’t stayed up all that late talking with her ~~dad~~, but the days and years of exhaustion are adding up fast and she feels like she needs another twenty-four hours of sleep, as a start. She continues to ignore the phone as it rings but resolves to get up. It is rings every few minutes and doesn’t quit, eventually she leaves the room, dressed and completely unprepared for the day ahead, and she can hear it continue to ring as she walks down the hallway to the elevator. [[TO THE LOBBY]]

The elevator opens out onto a screaming match, her ~~mother~~ in one corner of the ring, her ~~sister~~ in the other. ~~Lou~~ scans the room and sees that everyone else is there, she was the only one who had been missing, and sees that they appear to be just as flabbergasted as her at the fight taking place before them. Other ~~guests~~ of the hotel are either pretending not to notice or staring openly at the display. After a few minutes of listening, ~~Lou~~ is still having trouble piecing together what they are arguing about, so she leans over to ~~{YA}~~ and says, okay w h a t is going on. She quietly replies, ~~grandma~~ didn’t realize that her walkie talkie was on earlier and she was talking shit about ~~mom~~ to ~~grandpa~~. ~~Lou~~ almost laughs to herself but manages to hold it in. Typical ~~mom~~. Usually ~~Charlotte~~ doesn’t get so upset about the petty things their ~~mother~~ says about them, she’s too accustomed to them at this point, but it appears that they’ve reached The Day of the trip where tempers are going to flare hot for everyone. She groaned internally; it had been so long since she went on a vacation with them that she had forgotten about this day. The yelling continues. Now a ~~hotel employee~~ has begun to inch their way towards the group, clearly the one who had drawn the short straw and now had to be the one to try and get these crazy people out of the lobby. Fewer and fewer ~~loitering guests~~ are pretending not to notice, a ~~child~~ not related to them has begun to cry so it won’t be long before the rest join in. For a half-second ~~Lou~~ considers whether or not she should do something here, but brushes that urge away. Of all people, ~~Phil~~ jumps up suddenly, as if she’s just reached some boiling point that they all had had no idea she was approaching, yells, OKAY! MARIAN, CHARLOTTE, HONESTLY!! Move this outside! The ~~hotel employee~~ visibly relaxes, takes a step back towards safety. Both ~~mother~~ and ~~daughter~~ wheel around on ~~Phil~~ to tell her to mind her own damn business, but then they finally notice the scene that has gathered around them and some of the fight leaves them in exchange for embarrassment. Each fiercely glaring at the other, they stalk out through the swishing doors of the lobby to resume their fight out in the open air. The rest of the ~~family~~ silently agrees to stay behind to give them a few minutes head start. ~~Lou~~ takes this moment as a chance to go get some coffee from the cart in the corner and is joined by ~~{YA}~~ and ~~Michael~~. [[GET COFFEE]]

Gonna be one of those days, huh. ~~Lou~~ says to them as she presses down the pump on the coffee dispenser. ~~Michael~~ rolls his eyes, guess so. Wait, what’s ~~Grandma Phil~~ doing? ~~{YA}~~ asks and points up to the front desk. The three of them listen in and hear her reply to something the ~~concierge~~ had said. Yes, in thirty minutes. Not thirty-five, not forty, thirty minutes. Okay? Great. Then, ~~Phil~~ briskly walked toward the elevators, slammed the call button and waited with her arms crossed for just a few moments before one arrived and she stepped in, doors swishing open to admit her. Where is she going? ~~{YA}~~ asks her ~~aunt~~ and ~~uncle~~, but they just shrug in reply. Do you think she’s leaving? Do you think she’d take me with her? ~~Lou~~ murmurs under her breath. [[FOLLOW ~~PHIL~~]] [[END OF THE FIGHT]]

If you follow her, you will also be abandoning the rest of the trip, no going back, unless you start over. Do you want to follow her? Or finish the trip? [[FOLLOW HER]] [[FINISH THE TRIP]]

By the time the rest of the family resolved to finally venture outside, they found both ~~Marian~~ and ~~Charlotte~~ in tears, though still yelling at each other. ~~Michael~~ apparently had decided that it was time for someone to do something constructive, because he waded into the fray and calmly but firmly, told both his ~~sister~~ and his ~~mother~~ that they needed to either get over it, or at least save the argument for later, because they were ruining the second-to-last-day of vacation for everyone else. Both women tearfully, bitterly acknowledged the truth in this, dried their eyes, and slapped smiles onto their faces that fooled no one. The ~~kids~~ stared at them both warily, unsure of how to respond to their now eerily-cheerful cries of, you’re right, let’s go ride some rides, guys!! [[HAS ~~MARGOT~~ NOTICED THAT HER ~~MOTHER~~ ABANDONED SHIP?]]

~~{YA}~~ felt a thrill in her throat when she caught sight of ~~Sam~~ just inside the park entrance, near the stall with maps, and felt the night stretching out before her. ~~Sam~~ had agreed to ride a few rides, JUST A FEW, and ~~{YA}~~ felt no need to get back to her ~~family~~ in a hurry. Here she was, moving, participating, making ~~friends~~ in an unfamiliar city! Her brain was sparking, choosing things, wanting things, she wasn't wasting time thinking about how she would describe her thoughts, she was too busy thinking them, living them. ~~Sam~~ saw her, stuck their tongue out, started walking her way. [[SUGGEST THE SHOOTING GALLERY]] [[SUGGEST THE CANDY STORE]]

It was nearly lunchtime before ~~Margot~~ finally decided to call back to the hotel to check on her ~~mom~~. She got change from ~~Charlotte~~ for the payphone and by the time the ~~operator~~ connected her to the front desk of her hotel, she was fairly certain she was going to hear exactly what they ended up telling her, that her ~~mother~~ had checked out just a few hours ago. She thanked the ~~hotel employee~~ and replaced the receiver on the hook. Classic ~~Phil~~. All her life ~~Margot~~ had lived through moments like these, where her ~~mother~~ would slip away from her without a word. She was a master at disappearing the moment things got uncomfortable, the moment she decided that something wasn’t worth her time. ~~Margot~~ thought about letting herself get upset about it, but decided it wasn’t worth her energy this time. So be it. [[DAY NUMBER 5]]

A few of the comments that had come over channel 8 the day before had left ~~Lou~~ feeling a little off about things with the voice. Because of that, she waited a while that morning before venturing to turn on her walkie talkie. There was a very tentative glow of hope that had grown in her the night before after talking with her ~~dad~~, and she didn’t want the cynicism of channel 8 to stomp it out. As the post-fight family mood was settling down, they all began to discuss plans for the day. It was the second-to-last one, and the pressure was on to make the absolute most of their remaining hours. They had thought that all of their bodies were sore the night before, but by mid-morning, most of the ~~adults~~ were realizing how much worse of a time they would be in for today. Back and forth across the park, and then back and forth again, all in search of the rides with the fastest lines so they could accomplish the agreed upon goal for the day: to ride as many rides as humanly possible. Lunch would be eaten standing in line for one of the rides that always had a long wait, there was no time to spare for sitting down. ~~Babies~~ would be napping in their strollers in the shade somewhere with their ~~grandparents~~. All tantrums would be dealt with swiftly, and with bribery, if need be. ~~Lou~~ had finished her coffee from the hotel and though normally she would have liked a second cup, today she was desperate only for water. The sun blazed down fiercely, though looking around at her family it seemed to her that she was the only one that noticed. Every half-hour or so she found herself having to slather more sunscreen on the tips of her ears and nose. Over and over again they would first: locate a line with a wait under twenty minutes, get in the line and rapidly weave the whole group up through the long maze of rope and chains, follow the line so closely as it inched forward that more than once they had to apologize to someone in front of them for steeping on the heels of their shoes, all the while loudly arguing over who would be riding with who and who would have to ride alone for this ride, then they would board the ride, sit for the five or so minutes it took, then briskly make their way out of the exit line, and then start the process over. ~~Lou~~ exchanged a look with her ~~sister~~ that comforted her, she appeared just as exhausted as ~~Lou~~ was feeling. The ~~kids~~ were all cheering now for a ride that was back across on the opposite side of the park. Easy for them to say, because most of them had found a spot in or on one of the strollers and therefore didn’t have to worry about the walk. The ~~adults~~ all exchanged looks, and ~~Grandpa Bert~~ was the first to admit, I’m gonna need a break here soon, kiddies. The ~~kids~~ began to wail at that. No! Today’s mission was to ride as many rides as possible!! No breaks! He looked to his ~~wife~~, asking with his eyes for some help here. ~~Marian~~ was busy holding the leash attached to one of the ~~toddlers~~ and pretending that her feet weren’t also killing her. Oh, come on ~~Bert~~, she replied, I told you that you should have worked out more before this trip. Don’t punish the ~~kids~~ just because you’re out of shape. ~~Lou~~ rolled her eyes heavily at that. Not a good sign for the rest of them. She decided to take her chance in this small opening to say, hang on just a second guys, I’m going to run into that store to buy a hat, my ears are burning. What? ~~Michael~~ interjected, it’s not even that sunny today. I’m not even wearing sunscreen. She wordlessly shrugged him off, went over to the store. There were, of course, an overwhelming number of hat options, but ~~Lou~~ chose a straw sunhat, the only thing with no logo stamped on it. With the hat purchased, tag snipped off, and now squashed firmly onto her head, ~~Lou~~ rejoined her family. Finally! One of the ~~kids~~ cried, hurry, let’s go! [[EAT A SNACK]]

Later, as they all were eating soft pretzels while in line for one of the more popular little kid rides, ~~Marian~~ sidled up to ~~Lou~~ and said, your ~~dad~~ told me that you two talked last night. ~~Lou~~ felt her back stiffen. Her only reply was, oh? Her ~~mother~~ nodded solemnly, mhm. He told me what you told him. Now ~~Lou~~ started to feel herself begin to panic. What could he have said? She started to replay the conversation in her mind, forward and back and forward again. Nothing was said too plainly, nothing that she couldn’t wiggle her way out of, she had remembered to leave room for that even in the midst of her emotional state. What did he say I said? ~~Marian~~ took another bite of her pretzel, chewed slowly. She always did this, ~~Lou~~ groaned internally, played with your emotions in the most subtle ways. Paused a little too long, spoke in a voice slightly more serious than was necessary, just enough to make your anxiety rise. Oh, you know, she finally said, just what you’re so worried about. She turned to look ~~Lou~~ right in the eye as she said this. Which is…what exactly? Oh honey, you don’t have to feel bad about it, we all see it. ~~Lou~~ was beginning to feel really, really baffled now. See… what, ~~mom~~? ~~Marian~~ sighed loudly, said, your worries about marriage, honey. It’s obvious, especially to me. I’m your ~~mother~~ after all. A pause. Then, wait, what worries about marriage? I didn’t say anything like that to ~~dad~~. Well, not in so many words, but we both knew what you meant. Which is what then? That you’re worried about your age! That you’ll never find someone! That… is not at all what I was talking about. Oh honey, you can admit it. Seriously, it’s normal. But you will find someone! I’ve known that all along about you. Known what?? That it was probably going to take you longer to find the right fit. You’re so picky, and sometimes that can be a hindrance, but if you learn to be a little more realistic, it’ll happen. You’ll see. ~~Mom~~, what did ~~dad~~ say exactly? ~~Marian~~ paused, took another bite of her pretzel and chewed slowly. It was an excruciating wait for ~~Lou~~. Finally, she swallowed, glanced around at the ~~people~~ near them, then continued. He said that you felt like the odd man out, what with your ~~siblings~~ both being married with ~~kids~~. That you felt like you were never going to fit in because of that. That’s not- Honey, ~~Marian~~ laid her hand on her ~~daughter’s~~ shoulder, we have never, ever given up the dream of your ~~father~~ walking you down the aisle and giving you away to the perfect ~~man~~ that ~~God~~ made for you. It’ll happen, you’ll see. ~~Lou~~ felt a sensation akin to what she imagined it would feel like if heart fell out of her chest, hit the ground and bounced. Words totally escaped her. She merely turned away and stared out at the surging crowds. She could faintly hear that her ~~mom~~ had continued talking, but she heard none of the words, just the sounds cluttering up the space around her until she felt like there was no room for any air for her to breathe. The line moved, a ~~kid~~ knocked into something pointy and started screaming in pain, ~~Marian~~ was pulled away by the noise and by the time the ~~child~~ was settled, had forgotten all about the conversation she had been having. ~~Lou~~ mindlessly followed her ~~family~~ through the line, onto the ride, and didn’t resurface from a place deep within herself until the car she was seated in slammed to a halt at the end of the ride and the lap bar jerked into the air in front of her face. Startled, she turned to the open side of the car and made eye contact with the ~~park employee~~ who was holding out their hand to assist her. With a barely audible, thank you, she exited and drifted toward the exit door with everyone else. [[DRIFT]]

*Turn right at the lost duckling.* *With a pen stolen from the front desk of your hotel, write a letter to the person whose name you're afraid to speak.* The walkie talkie crackled through her haze from its place in her back pocket. Confused, ~~Lou~~ took it out and held it close to her ear. For a moment there was no sound, then, *Bury a roll of quarters, a pen stolen from the front desk of your hotel, and two dead batteries under the tree at the center of the park.* *Find a hat, lost and forgotten, and pull it apart at the seams.* Her confusion grew. She pressed the talk button and asked, what? Channel 8 is that you? *Use a pocket knife to cut a hole in the fabric between you and them.* *Acquire a combination lock and dial the date that you lost.* The hairs on the back of her neck began to stand up. She had the distinct sense of being watched by something that she couldn’t see. *Roll up your ticket, a doodle on a napkin, and a coaster from the bar together tightly, then set it on fire.* *Punch a hole in a flat penny and wear it on a cord around your neck for the rest of your days.* Okay, she said shakily, this is weird. It’s not funny. *If you find a postcard in your mailbox at home, it is too late for you.* *Pull the tape out of the cassette and tie it arou–* ~~Lou~~ frantically switched the walkie talkie off, looked warily around her but saw nothing other than her family crowding her in at all sides in line for the next ride. None of them had noticed anything amiss. [[UH OH]]

Around lunch time someone finally asked ~~Margot~~ where her ~~mother~~ was. She’s gone, she said simply to ~~Bert~~, who had been the one to pose the question. ~~Marian~~ was the one who replied though, aghast, gone? What do you mean gone? She left. She went home. But I thought her plane ticket was for the same day as ours? It was. More members of the family turned to listen in now, throwing imperceptible glances around at each other. ~~Charlotte~~ faintly raised her eyebrows at ~~Lou~~ but it went unnoticed. Should we be concerned? ~~Marian~~ asked. ~~Margot~~ sighed heavily, held up one conversation-ending hand, said, no. She’s fine. Let’s not talk about it. Who’s hungry? [[LUNCH ORDERS]]

Now, of course, the ~~kids~~ began yelling frantically over the top of each other, increasingly more loudly with every passing second. The attention of all of the ~~adults~~ was forced to shift to them, and ~~Margot~~ hoped that would be the last time anyone would ask her about it. This was the worst part of course. Sure, your own ~~mother~~ making a dramatic escape to get away from you wasn’t a great experience, but having to try and explain it to someone else, to be the one stuck trying to conjure a reasonable explanation that would excuse such behavior, when there never was one, was always worse. Come on ~~Margot~~, why would your own ~~mother~~ go to such lengths to abandon you? There must be a reason?? Think about it! ~~Lou~~ had taken this new information in with a different focus. ~~Phil~~ had left? They could just…leave? Surely there would be overwrought consequences for this? It would obviously be brought up at holidays and birthdays in whispers and snarky remarks for the rest of time, but there had to be something more dramatic too? Right? The ~~kids~~ were in a deadlock. Half of them were tired of chicken nuggets, the other half were tired of pizza. No one wanted corn dogs, and no one could remember any other options for some reason. ~~Bert~~ muttered something under his breath to his ~~son~~, and it was one of the extremely rare times that he adjusted his volume low enough so as not to be heard by the rest of the group. ~~Michael~~ stifled a laugh and ~~Charlotte~~ narrowed her eyes at him questioningly. She had always hated being left out of the joke. ~~Michael~~ shook his head briefly, waving her off, which just made her more irritated. She turned sharply to her ~~sister~~, what are you humming? What? ~~Lou~~ asked, surprised. Stop humming, there’s enough noise with the ~~kids~~ as it is. I was humming? Sorry, I didn’t realize. Yeah, it sounded like that weird song you were obsessed with in college. ~~Charlotte~~ turned her irritation on to her ~~children~~ now. Stop screaming or no one is getting anything! If you’re hungry enough it shouldn’t matter what we get! ~~Lou~~ thought she could hear the crackle of the walkie talkie in her pocket, but then the ~~four-year-old~~ let out a piercing wail that drowned out every other noise around them, park music included. It was like a siren, an alarm that made her reflexively flinch and shuffle to the side, as if she were a car on the road letting a fire truck through. [[WHAT ELSE COULD GO WRONG?]]

*Will this heat ever let up?* The walkie talkie spoke at ~~Lou~~ from her back pocket. She’d turned it back on a few minutes ago, afraid of what it might say to her next, but more afraid of never finding out what the eerie instructions from earlier were. Someone watching tv who had accidentally pressed their talk button? *It isn’t even summer, is it just always like this here?* She was near the back of the ~~family~~ herd, currently speed walking to their next destination. With an unsteady breath, she answered, I think it’s starting to let up. A snort, then, *I wish. Weather channel says it’s hotter today than yesterday.* A small ~~child~~ darted in front of ~~Lou~~, she stopped just in time to avoid smashing into them and waved off the apologetic glance of the ~~harried parent~~ who followed. The weather thing was starting to make her feel uneasy. She herself still felt the sweltering heat. The sun seemed to burn down on her hotter every day this trip, it was true. But the rest of her ~~family~~ had only dressed for hot weather at the beginning of the trip. Now almost all of them wore pants and their heads were uncovered. But, she protested back at channel 8, my family isn’t even wearing shorts! It can’t be hotter today. *I don’t know, I’m in shorts and I still feel like I’m going to sweat to death out here. Maybe it’s just me though.* Lou frowned, looked at the sunburn developing on her arm. No, no I feel hot too. I just don’t understand how they don’t. *Beats me.* They were at the entrance now to the section of the park where their next chosen ride was. Each of these section entrances seemed an impossibly small opening for facilitating the rushing waters of the crowds flowing in and out at any given time, whenever they passed through one they all got shoved in different directions and wound up spending the first five minutes after finally making it through just searching for missing ~~family members~~. ~~Lou~~ prepared herself by tucking the walkie talkie away and grabbing hold of the two nearest children to her, the ~~ten-year-old~~ and the ~~nine-year-old~~, before entering the fray behind the rest of the ~~family~~. Once through, the headcount began. One, two, three, four-five-six, seven, eight-nine, ten-eleven-twelve-thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen...., seventeen…....... … One missing. [[PANDEMONIUM]]

In the minutes that followed, first they had to identify which of the ~~children~~ were missing, which, you might assume would be a simple task, but with the crowd pushing in on them at all sides and multiple ~~adults~~ who do not handle crisis well, it took an abnormally large amount of time to resolve. ~~Lou~~ and ~~Charlotte~~ announced the result in the same moment, the ~~six-year-old~~. After this, ~~Marian~~ completely lost her grip and simply began shouting, ALONE IN THE PARK, A SIX-YEAR-OLD ALONE IN THE PARK, HOW COULD YOU HAVE LOST ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN, I NEVER LOST ANY OF YOU. Which wasn’t true, but her ~~adult children~~ somehow refrained in that moment from each retelling their own story of being lost by their ~~mother~~, one in a department store, one in a grocery store, one at a park. ~~Bert~~ though, did take this chance to remind her of these instances which resulted in a separate crisis splintering off of the original one. They stood, in this unending sea of people and sounds and food smells and strollers, and began what would later be remembered as one of their more legendary shouting matches. The rest of the ~~family~~ took a few steps away and ignored them. ~~Ben~~ had already run back through the entrance to see if the child was simply standing off to the side, waiting to be found. No such luck. ~~Charlotte~~ near-wailed, where would he go?? ~~Margot~~ had instinctively gathered her own ~~children~~ into a knot around her as she asked ~~Charlotte~~, have you talked with him about what to do if he gets lost? Does he know to find an ~~employee~~? So they can call you over the loudspeakers? They don’t do that here, ~~Lou~~ pointed out, or that’s all we would be hearing all day. This realization horrified ~~Margot~~. Then what do they do with the ~~lost kids~~?! ~~Lou’s~~ brain supplied her a handful of morbid jokes, but given it was her own ~~nephew~~ at stake, even she found them less humorous. Needless to say that she kept them to herself. They take them up to the front, ~~Ben~~ answered. I’ve seen signs up there. I’ll go wait up there for them to bring him! He waited for no reply, he was bounding away through the crowd before anyone could. He’s probably going to run right past him, ~~Michael~~ muttered. ~~Margot~~ smacked the back of his head. He protested, What! She made a face at him. ~~Margot~~, can you keep all of the kids here so I can look around for him?! ~~Charlotte~~ near-shrieked, losing her grip by the second. Yes, of course! The ~~kids~~ normally would’ve taken advantage of outnumbering an ~~adult~~ so significantly, but given the situation they were subdued, The ~~older ones~~ cried out that they wanted to help too! But only ~~{YA}~~ was permitted to go off alone, the rest were severely ordered to stay put. ~~Lou~~ waited to see which direction her ~~sister~~ would go so she could go the other way, and she simply pointed a third way for her ~~brother~~. Search party underway with ~~Marian~~ and ~~Bert~~ meanwhile causing such a scene that the crowd had parted to make an area of empty space around them, so now it looked almost as if they were putting on a performance. [[SEARCH PARTY]]

~~Lou~~ had gone in the general direction of the ride they had originally been headed to. It seemed like the likeliest place to her. Her ~~nephew~~ was a pretty smart kid, she doubted that she would find him screaming in terror somewhere, but she also doubted that he would go straight to a ~~park employee~~. Knowing him, he would probably try to bravely march on and meet them at their destination with a smile on his face and a story to brag to his ~~siblings~~ and ~~cousins~~ about. She tried to keep a sharp eye on the lower places, he was six after all, but it was almost impossible with this many people milling around. ~~Lou~~ sighed, realizing that she was going to have to crouch, which would mean likely getting knocked over by some ~~dad~~ that would tell her off for being in the way. Down this low to the ground the view was very different. The sheer number of feet made her dizzy. She quickly realized how easy it would be to get lost from this vantage point, none of the signs were visible and very few people have distinctively familiar legs. She leaned to her left to avoid being swiped by a passing stroller. Okay, ~~Lou~~ thought, he knows the general direction, I think, but from down here… she peered through legs and tried to imagine which way would look correct to a ~~six-year-old~~. Finally, she stood back up and immediately felt a little light-headed. First, find him, she thought, then water. Around the next corner the vast pathway split into two. She groaned. Fuck. She knew the correct pathway was the one on the left, but it kinked weirdly to the side in a misleading way, it seemed almost to turn you around and make you go back toward the front of the park, so ~~Lou~~ guessed that he probably would’ve chosen the other one. Further down the path on the right, the décor began to change rapidly, and finally it reached an entrance to a completely different area of the park. In her mind, she imagined her ~~nephew~~ reaching this, realizing his mistake, and then what? Would he turn around? Some ~~kids~~ will freely admit their mistakes, tearfully asking for forgiveness in the face of their ~~parent’s~~ shock, but other ~~kids~~ will try to hide it. ~~Lou~~ remembered a time when her ~~nephew~~ was much smaller, and he had broken his ~~sister’s~~ favorite toy. ~~Lou~~ hadn’t been around to see it, but ~~Charlotte~~ had relayed the story to her over the phone, and they had both laughed hysterically at his solution to the problem. He had tried to bury it in the yard, and ~~Charlotte~~ had stumbled upon him with it half in the small hole he had managed to claw out of the ground with his tiny hands. No, this kid wouldn’t willingly flag down a ~~park employee~~ in this situation. He would hide. Crouching again, ~~Lou~~ scanned the options. A few stores, a popcorn cart, a ride line, bathrooms, and stroller parking. She walked over to the stroller parking, it was one of the only ones in this area so there were hundreds of strollers sprawling out chaotically from the fence line, and at the fence, on the curb, sat her tear-streaked ~~nephew~~. When he spotted his ~~aunt~~, he leapt up and sprinted for her. He was a tall six-year-old and once she had picked him up, he refused to be let down, so she couldn’t manage to get her walkie-talkie out to radio her ~~sister~~ to tell her that she’d found him. Instead, she wound her way through the crowd until the ~~family group~~ was back in sight, and yelled to get ~~Margot’s~~ attention. Her head jerked around toward her. When she caught sight of the pair of them, she yelled, OH THANK GOD. ~~Lou~~ responded, radio ~~Charlie~~! [[REUNION]]

~~Bert~~ and ~~Marian~~ had quit their screaming at some point, and were now out searching the park with everyone else. ~~Charlotte~~ had responded to ~~Margot’s~~ message with frantic, unintelligible yells across the airwaves. ~~Lou~~ and ~~Margot~~ had just shrugged at each other and assumed that it meant she had understood. A few minutes later she came sprinting around the corner, her tears drying in the resulting wind, and she nearly tore the ~~six-year-olds~~ arms off wrenching him from ~~Lou’s~~ body. He started crying all over again, afraid and relieved at the same time. [[REGROUP?]]

In the aftermath, they realized that three of the walkie talkies were in the current group, with four ~~adults~~ still somewhere out in the park searching. When they called over the channel, they realized that ~~Michael~~ had the fourth, which left ~~Ben~~, ~~Marian~~, and ~~Bert~~, somewhere out in the unreachable ether. With a collective, group sigh, they silently acknowledge that a second search party needs to be organized to round up the rest of the original search party. Now that their missing member has been found, however, the ~~kids~~ are back to their ungovernable ways. They are uninterested in looking for ~~Grandpa~~, they want to ride the next ride. As their demands for this grow steadily louder and more forceful, ~~Margot~~, ~~Lou~~, and ~~Charlotte~~ silently negotiate what they should do. A raise of her eyebrows and downturned mouth from ~~Charlotte~~ tells them that there’s no way they can convince the ~~kids~~ to go along with this. ~~Lou~~ rolls her eyes to say that she’s more than happy to just leave their ~~parents~~ wandering. ~~Margot~~ shrugs her shoulders, gives an unbothered smirk, she’s happy to stay with the ~~kids~~ and take them on a ride. After her long period of disinterested absence from the planning, ~~{YA}~~ joins into the conversation, flicking her eyes across the group of yelling children and laughing a little, she’ll help ~~Margot~~. OKAY, ~~Charlotte~~ calls out to her ~~children~~, ending the negotiating, you all are going to stay with ~~Aunt Margot~~ and go on a ride. Your ~~sister~~ is going to stay too and SHE’S IN CHARGE, alright?? ~~Aunt Margot~~ is in charge too, and I don’t want to hear about ANYONE giving EITHER of them a hard time, OKAY? Her ~~kids~~ all put on meek and innocent faces, barely containing their thrill, nod their little bobbleheaded nods. Alright, she turns to her ~~sister~~, which way are you going to go? ~~Lou~~ shrugs, maybe you go get ~~Ben~~ and I’ll look around toward the back of the park for ~~mom~~ and ~~dad~~? Fine, ~~Charlotte~~ replies. I’ll send him back here and keep looking up in the front half until we find them. [[SEARCH PARTY, TAKE TWO]]

There was no urgency in ~~Lou’s~~ steps as she walked toward the back of the park. It didn’t matter how long it took, or if she even found them at all. Eventually, they would all have to go back to the hotel. Eventually their paths would cross, with or without walkie talkies. Sure, she could’ve tried to discern where her ~~parents~~ may have gone in the same way she had done just a short while before with her ~~nephew~~ but she didn’t feel any need to. They were ~~adults~~. They’d be fine. So, instead, she strolled slowly and got in everyone’s way, judging by the way ~~groups of people~~ kept swerving around her. She tuned her walkie talkie back to channel 8 but didn’t say anything for a while. Absently, she remembered that she had been meaning to drink some more water soon, but that thought stayed just out of her line of sight and it didn’t click for her to actually go get some. Maybe an hour of this detached wandering went by, she couldn’t be sure, before she realized that she had been looping around the middle, the side, the back, and then the other side, of the park, over and over and over. Not a thought seemed to have entered her head the whole time. She could’ve walked right past her ~~parents~~ and she wouldn’t have even noticed. The sun was burning with afternoon intensity now. ~~Lou~~ slowed her pace as her thoughts began to resurface and she tried to take stock of where she was at in the park. It was an unfamiliar area to her. New, maybe? Or just forgotten? She swallowed thickly and her dehydrated body finally rang the bell in her head that told her she needed to find water, now. Looking to her right, there was a building on the corner that had a coffee cup on the sign, she assumed this meant they sold coffee there but she had been wrong about that before in this theme park. Sprinkled all around were signs for things that weren’t actually there, simple decoration meant to trick your brain into mapping the space as much larger than it actually was. In reality, there were only a handful of places you could get coffee here, the trick was parsing out the real signs in the landscape. There was an open door next to this one so ~~Lou~~ hoped she was guessing right. When she lifted her foot to climb up the short curb though, her knees buckled and her vision went black, so she was never sure after that exactly how she had hit the ground. [[COME TO]]

It felt like just a moment, but when her vision cleared, she was sitting in a chair, inside what looked like a coffee shop. Two ~~people~~ she had never seen before were staring intently at her, one seated next to her holding a sweating cup of ice water, the other standing next to them. Um. ~~Lou~~ blinked a few times, tried again, uh. Sorry, wha– It’s alright, here, can you take this? Just drink it in small sips, not too much at first. The seated person spoke to her and held the cup out with both hands for ~~Lou~~ to take. She blinked a few more times and mechanically reached both of her own hands out to do as she was told. Both sets of hands met around the small cup and it felt as if something precious was being passed between them, something more meaningful than a plastic cup of water. The ~~stranger~~ held on to the cup with ~~Lou~~ until they seemed satisfied that she could support it on her own, then they gently removed their hands. ~~Lou~~ took a sip and winced at the flavor of her own dry tongue. The ~~standing person~~ spoke now. I hope you’re feeling alright now. This happens all the time you know, people forget to drink water, forget to eat, and then they’re walking all day, way, way more than they usually do, and boom, down they go. He shrugged. Drink that water and then get yourself something to eat, okay? Now he turned to the sitting person, okay, ~~Carol~~, I’m going to head back now. No rush though. With a small wave, he moved toward the nearby door and exited. Take your time, really. They’re fine without me. ~~Lou~~ nodded at that but with a confused look on her face. Who’s fine without you? Oh, the ~~crew~~ for the ride over there. She pointed out the door and to the left, there’s a gap in the bushes where we can see the door here and we saw what happened. Me and ~~Paul~~ ran over to make sure you were okay. Is your ~~family~~ nearby? ~~Lou~~ faintly shook her head, then asked, wait, what happened? ~~Carol~~ waved her hand lightly, seems like you’re just dehydrated, the sun here can be a lot for people. You stumbled and then fell, and when we came over you were sort of hunched on the curb. We helped you inside, and it only took a minute for you to come to. Keep drinking that water though. Do you need anything? Is there medication you need to take, or…? ~~Lou~~ shook her head, more firmly this time. No, no, you’re right. I’m just dehydrated. I’m fine now. I’m so sorry you had to come running over here. That’s… yeah that’s really embarrassing. Her already inflamed cheeks burned somehow even more hotly. How had she turned a simple task into a problem? She was supposed to be looking for her parents, not wandering around. And wasn’t she an adult? Shouldn’t she be able to do the bare minimum requirements for taking care of herself like drinking water and eating food? ~~Carol~~ shrugged, I guess. But you saved me from having to board this ~~gigantic family~~ that was coming down the line, so I definitely didn’t mind the excuse to get away. Are you sure you’re okay? ~~Lou~~ nodded emphatically now, yes. Absolutely. You can get back to what you’re supposed to be doing. I’m really sorry, again. I really appreciate it. Really. Okay, ~~Carol~~ got up. Finish that water before you try and go anywhere. Then get some more. But don’t chug it! That’ll make you sick too. ~~Lou~~ nods, then nods again. Thank you. Thank you. [[GET A SANDWICH]]

After eating a sandwich and drinking a million tiny sips of water, ~~Lou~~ ventured out of the coffee shop and noticed how low the sun was in the sky now. She was surprised that her walkie talkie wasn’t blowing up with her ~~family’s~~ voices. After removing it from her back pocket, she realized why it wasn’t. She had changed the channel before and never changed it back. It struck her as odd as well that there had been no channel 8 in quite some time either. Even though she was feeling more steady on her feet now, her head was still swimming a little, and she couldn’t bring herself to switch back to her ~~family’s~~ channel yet. She needed a little more time to come back to shore. So she clicked her talk button down and said, wow have I had one hell of an afternoon. ~~*Static*~~ *Ah, there you are! I’ve been wondering.* Wondering what? *Where you were! What happened this afternoon?* Well. My six-year-old nephew got lost. Then I found him. Then my parents got lost, and when I was looking for them, I passed out on the sidewalk. *Oh, shit, really? Are you okay?* Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just should’ve been drinking more water today, that’s all. But now my ~~family~~ is going to be freaking out about how long I’ve been gone and I don’t necessarily want to tell them why. They’ll make it a whole thing. My ~~mom~~ will make some stupid comment about how she would never be so distracted as to let that happen to her. *Hm.* [[HM, WHAT?]]

~~Lou~~ paused her walking, frowned. Hm? What does that mean. *Nothing. Who says they’re freaking out? Maybe they think you’re off doing something on your own.* She frowned harder at that. Well, because I was supposed to come right back earlier. Or at least, you know, answer them when they called over the walkie talkie. I’ve been gone for an hour at least. *I wouldn’t be surprised if they forgot though. That’s all. They know that you like to be on your own, right?* Well, I-- *I mean you’ve been complaining about them the whole time you’ve been here. They probably assumed that you were making up an excuse to ditch them.* No– *Or, you know. Could be the other way around this time.* What does that even mean? *Like, instead of you ditching them this time, maybe they made up a reason to ditch you.* I don’t ditch them, I just, you know, need a break sometimes. They make it so hard for me to just be around them that-- *Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. Maybe they feel the same way.* Okay, enough. What could you possibly know about my ~~family~~ situation? They think everything is perfect! They are more than happy to have me around as long as I don’t talk about anything that they don’t want to talk about, or as long as I don’t bring up the fact that I’m not straight, or-- *Is that a thing that they even know?* Of course they know! Everyone knows! It would be impossible to know me and to not know that! *Well. That’s a little presumptuous maybe. Lots of people don’t notice all the details about all of the people around them. It doesn’t make them bad people. You may think that you're hyperaware of them, and so they should be of you too, but who says that you really are? Hyperaware of them, that is.* I– *I just think that’s a lot to expect from ~~family~~, that’s all. You’re setting yourself up for failure here. Have you ever said, out loud, any of the things about your relationship with your ~~family members~~ that bothers you TO them? To their faces?* How would I even bring something like that up? Do I just interrupt dinner one time and say Hey guys, I don’t like the way you all are happy to pretend I’m just like you even though it’s extremely obvious to everyone that I’m definitely NOT exactly like you at all? *Well, I mean, again, that’s an assumption. You think it’s obvious, but it may not be to them.* So, okay, are you trying to tell me that you don’t think that your ~~family~~ should try to, like, intuit ANYTHING about you? They have no responsibility to think about their ~~family members~~ with any sort of understanding or love or curiosity? That all they are required to care about are the flat facts that you say out loud to them, and that anything else is beyond their obligation? Like if I just never get married, there’s no part of the *familial tie* that should prompt them to wonder if there’s some kind of specific reason that never happens? That there would be no fault on their end for going, hm, that’s weird. Oh well, guess she just never found the right ~~MAN~~! No other possibility for me to consider here! Why should I care?! ~~*Static*~~ ~~Lou~~ was breathing hard now, and her voice had risen in volume beyond her control. A few passing ~~families~~ had stared openly at her, and one ~~mother’s~~ loud scoff had ripped her out of her spiral long enough to realize it. She sucked in a deep breath and held it. She tried to will her heart into slowing it’s beat but neither thing worked. She decided to walk, quickly, forward. She couldn’t bear to stand still for one more second. Through the park she marched, and the sounds of a nearby parade grew so loud that she couldn’t be sure if channel 8 had responded yet or not. Her energy ran out as she reached the entrance to the train ride that loops the whole park and she got on it without a thought. The train doors rattled shut, it began to move forward, and after a few moments it entered the black darkness of a tunnel. [[RIDE THE TRAIN]]

After one, long loop around the park, Lou clicked the talk button again. Channel 8? Nothing. Hello? ~~*Static*~~ Are you serious? She hissed into the microphone. Are you fucking kidding me? ~~*Static*~~ ~~*Static*~~ Then silence. [[RIDE THE TRAIN AGAIN]]

Another loop around the park. The sun was setting now. Every passing moment made it harder to change the channel back to her ~~family’s~~. What could she say? Wouldn’t it be easier to just say that the batteries died? It’s not like she could pretend to have a normal night at this point any way. Or, maybe it’s like channel 8 said. Maybe they hadn’t thought to radio to her at all. Maybe they hadn’t even noticed. Maybe, after all of the agonizing she had done over all of these years about how painful a full split from them would be, maybe it had just happened on accident. Maybe she had gotten it all wrong, and all of the pain that would come from cutting them off, from finally saying that she was tired of living her life half in the shadows because parts of her were so unpalatable to them, maybe all of that pain was entirely her own. Maybe they felt none of it. Really, this could be a giant relief to them. Now there would be no one to drag them down. No one to scrape along behind them. They wouldn’t have to worry about awkward conversations, about bad influences on their ~~kids~~, about half-strangled explanations. They can have their plasticky-sweet vacations in peace. Their worldviews and lives will be unchallenged. There’s plenty of ~~people~~ in the ~~family~~, they can afford to weed one out. The train loops again. The sun sinks below the horizon. ~~Lou~~ decides enough is enough. [[LEAVE]]

At the hotel, ~~Lou~~ throws her things into her bags, shoving violently when they threaten to burst, and runs down the stairs rather than take the elevator to the lobby. There was no line at the counter so she checked out as quickly as she could convince the ~~concierge~~ to type. She claimed to have forgotten that her flight left tonight, not tomorrow like she’d thought. She’d need a taxi immediately. [[GET IN THE TAXI]]

Once in the car, she spares a thought for problem of her ticket. She hadn’t forgotten. Of course. Her whole ~~family~~ was set to leave tomorrow, their flights all grouped loosely around the same time of day. How much did it cost to change an airline ticket these days? She imagined a small fortune. But if this worked, it would be worth it. If she could run fast enough now, maybe they would never be able to catch up. At this thought, she snorts. When had they ever tried to catch her? All these years she was the one who had been doing the following. Every corner they turned down, she followed, gripping at the backs of their shirts, grasping at a connection that was failing them. Failing all of them. Enough. [[BUY A NEW TICKET]]

When the ~~taxi driver~~ asked which airline she was flying, she gave the name of the one stamped on her tomorrow-ticket. Once dropped at the curb, she took up her bags in a flurry and practically ran through the revolving door, almost flattening a man in a business suit in the opposite side of it. The line at the ticket counter was, miraculously, empty. The ~~clerk~~ at the counter spared a second to take in the frantic appearance of the ~~woman~~ in front of her before turning to her computer to check ticket availability. Once told the cost of the change, ~~Lou~~ tried to remember what her credit card balance was for the month, and wondered if the charge would go through. A sigh of relief, it goes through. [[GO TO THE GATE]]

She moved with the flow of people toward the terminals, her breathing getting easier the closer she got. Almost there now. She imagined boarding the plane, then sitting alone at the window, then watching the city disappear before her eyes, witnessing the distance she was putting between herself and them as it stretched before her. A-17 was just around the corner now. But just before she turned that corner a sound reached her ears that made her freeze. No. It’s not possible, she thought. But the voice was unmistakable. She’d know it in any version of any reality she could find herself in. [[~~MOM?~~]]

Three steps around the corner, and there sat her ~~family~~. All of them seated in two lines of pleather airport seats at her gate, chattering away easily, eating sandwiches and sipping on coffee. ~~Lou~~ blinked, scrubbed at her eyes and blinked again. From deep within her bag somewhere she heard the crackling of the walkie-talkie. She plunged her hand into in and wrenched it out just in time to hear the last notes of “Pull Up the Roots” as her ~~mother~~ spotted her and waved her over impatiently, Oh, finally! They’re going to start boarding, I thought we were going to have to page you over the stupid intercom! Come on, hurry! ~~Lou~~ stared in dumb amazement for a second. Then two. Then she walked mechanically over to them, experiencing a full body numbness that she hoped was permanent. Your ~~brother~~ and ~~sister~~ were here on time and they have ~~kids~~! So I really don’t know what your excuse is, but come on. [[BOARD THE PLANE]]

They all, impossibly, with all of their separate destinations, boarded the same plane. ~~Lou~~ watched the city drift away beneath them from her seat at the window. [[TRY AGAIN]]

There is a moment on these trips, during family events in general, something she can run but never hide from, when ~~Lou~~ loses her grip. That much is clear. It’s difficult to be more specific though. It can begin to feel like drawing moods out of a hat. Rummaging around blindly, pulling forth something that can’t be put back, it must be seen through, and there’s no choice to abstain. Moods must be had, the hours upon hours of interaction, day after day after day, dictates that postponing moods only works for so long. The hour will come when it can be avoided no longer, an opinion will be coaxed, a joke made, something, anything, will poke the bruise inside. The mood will issue forth. If good, then it is perilously good. So good that the thought, this really isn’t so bad as I make it out to be all the time, will spring up. Hm, she’ll wonder. Am I really so dramatic? How silly of me. How tiring I must be. If it is bad, she’ll begin to wonder how easy it is to change flights, to catch a cab to the airport, if she really even needs all of her things back at the hotel, why not just leave straight from here? ~~Family members~~ will take on a villainous sheen. Every comment will seem perfectly constructed to stab. She’ll swear that everyone has just come from a group conversation about her, that they all hold some collective opinion that she can only guess at. [[CONTINUE]]

~~{YA}~~ hadn't slept much the night before. She kept replaying the things she had heard her ~~Grandma~~ say, and the things ~~Sam~~ had said about those things. Around and around, with no solution in sight. She didn't think that she'd let on to ~~Sam~~ just how much she had continued to think about it all night, but who knows. As soon as she entered the store with her ~~mom~~ and ~~grandma~~ she split from them and wound herself into a far corner where she could pretend to look at coffee cups and fridge magnets while she tried to think. Even this far away though, she could hear their voices travelling up and over the general noise of the cash registers and other shoppers. She'd have to talk to her ~~mom~~, that was the only thing she could think of. Surely, her ~~mom~~ would agree with her, agree that ~~grandma~~ was not only holding onto bigoted, outdated views, but that she was clearly unaware of ~~Lou's~~... well, even she wasn't quite sure what was going on there. Sure, she'd never *seen* her ~~aunt~~ with a ~~boyfriend~~, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. Not that it mattered to her if it *did* mean something! ~~{YA}~~ had gay friends at school, and even though she wasn't super used to seeing two girls holding hands yet, she knew it was her own problem to get over, not theirs. Ugh. She tried to think back to any time she might have said something stupid on the subject in front of her ~~aunt~~, but nothing specific came to mind. The magnets were all ugly, but she kind of wanted one of the coffee cups, if only as a souvenir that would remind her of meeting ~~Sam~~. As she considered which one she might get, she caught sight of a fortune telling machine by the entrance, one of those with a mechanical woman inside that talks at you when you walk past it. She felt around in her pocket and found some change. [[PUT A QUARTER IN]]

Not very helpful. A little unsettling, actually. She checked her watch, saw that they had five minutes left before her ~~uncle~~ had said his ~~family~~ would meet the rest of them at the fountain in the center of the park to ride rides, bought the cup, and followed her ~~mother~~ and ~~grandmother~~ back outside. [[KEEP GOING]]

The orange light was fading, marginally, with wispy clouds streaked across the sky beginning to glow, so finally at least she knew that the end of the day was making its way around to her. She flopped down onto the curb in a small space between two families staking out spots for the fireworks show. Her legs kicked out in front of her, shoulders slumped, chin resting on her hands. ~~Lou~~ pulled the walkie talkie out of her pocket, changed the channel back to 8. Tell me something channel 8. Tell me anything. *My ~~nephew~~ threw up after riding the indoor roller coaster.* Mine threw up on my ~~mom’s~~ shoes the other day after the spinning ride. *Hm.* ~~*Static*~~ *I wonder how many people get taken to theme park jail every day.* She snorted at this. It was the perfect thing to distract her, completely out of left field and impossible to know. Probably more than we’d guess, she answered. *Well how many would you guess?* Oh, I don’t know, fifty? *Fifty?? You think fifty people every single day do something here worth calling the police over?* Definitely not, but I think that fifty people every day do something that security here thinks is worth calling the police over. I half expect to get sniped every time I say fuck. At this the ~~grandma~~ next to her turned sharply and frowned at her, then made a big show of moving the ~~child~~ next to her further away. ~~Lou~~ ignored her. *Okay, fair point.* They discussed this subject for a while longer, musing on ridiculous possibilities in favor of engaging with any of the other people around them. She mostly refrained from saying fuck. [[ENTER FAMILY, STAGE LEFT]]

With ~~Lou's~~ departure, the mood was more subdued, but there was still seventeen orders, plus ~~Phil's~~ requested iced tea, to get through. They all waited in a clump off to the side, quiet since most of them were afraid of setting ~~Marian~~ off, and as the ice cream cones started getting doled out, those still waiting watched the lucky ones with blatant jealousy. [[~~PHIL~~]] [[BRING ICE CREAM TO ~~LOU~~]]

~~{YA}~~ had filed herself into the middle of the ordering chaos to slip in a second order, one for ~~Lou~~, without ~~Grandma Marian~~ noticing. As she walked out the door carrying both of their cones, she caught sight of her ~~aunt~~, through the dense crowd, sitting on a curb. Now that she was paying attention, her ~~aunt's~~ queerness was...really obvious. How had she not noticed before? In the sea of people, with all sorts of faces and clothes and styles, the way ~~Lou~~ looked was a little off-center. Most of the ~~dads~~ looked like her ~~dad~~, most of the ~~moms~~ and ~~grandmas~~ and ~~grandpas~~ all looked like her own, but there weren't very many people that looked much like ~~Lou~~. Not exactly. In all of her thoughts, all night and all day today, ~~{YA}~~ had started to wonder if maybe ~~Lou~~ was hiding intentionally, and that was why no one knew, but, no. She wondered if her ~~aunt~~ had a ~~girlfriend~~ back home. Instead of asking that question, ~~{YA}~~ just held out the {LouFavoriteIceCream} cone for her, keeping the {YAFavoriteIceCream} for herself. [[EVENING PLANS]]

Shortly after everyone had gone inside and left her with the strollers, ~~Phil~~ watched ~~Lou~~ storm back out, oblivious to Phil's presence a mere couple of feet from the entrance. God, ~~Phil~~ thought, it's always something with this damn family. Why does anyone in the world think a joint-family vacation is a good idea? Why are a couple of shared grandkids enough to justify living on top of each other for a week? And who convinced her ~~daughter~~ to come to this horrible place for said vacation? She was doing her best to play the ~~good grandmother~~, wiping snot from noses and buying treats they didn't need and staying behind with the little ones when the ~~grown-up children~~ had other things to do, but every hour spent here was grating her resolve to do those things down to the nubs. Really, all she wanted was the sound of her front door, closing behind her, the outside world *outside* and her own, personal world enveloping her on all sides. [[EVENING PLANS]]

At one point, ~~Charlotte~~ leaned over to her ~~sister~~ and said, look at that ~~guy~~ over there, wow. ~~Lou~~ did look, and found a ~~man~~ with a crewcut and cargo shorts already looking back at them. What, she asked, wow that he’s creepily staring at us? Her ~~sister~~ rolled her eyes, no, you weirdo, wow that he’s hot. ~~Lou~~ looked back at him again, and made a face that he didn’t respond well to. Yuck, no way. No way do you think that ~~guy~~ is attractive, ~~Charlie~~. ~~Charlotte~~ stared openly at him now, no way do you not. Look at him! I am! The ~~sisters~~ stared at each other, and ~~Lou~~ felt just about ready to finally crawl out of her skin and be done with it. Thankfully, the ~~guy~~ lost interest after the nonverbal insult he picked up on. But next to him was a ~~woman~~ who had seemingly witnessed this entire ~~sisterly~~ exchange and was failing to suppress an outburst of laughter. ~~Lou~~ saw this and felt a tiny spiral of joy in her gut, waited until her ~~sister~~ finally looked away, and mimed gagging herself with her finger. The ~~woman~~ didn’t hold it back anymore and cracked up. ~~Lou~~ allowed herself a conspiratorial giggle in response as she surveyed this new, distant ally she had made. A short, shaggy haircut that begged for fingers to run through it, a smattering of tattoos along both arms. The ~~woman~~ turned away, leaning into the person next to her and talking animatedly before turning and gesturing back at ~~Lou~~. The other ~~person~~ had a kind face, one that instilled trust immediately, and a short, stocky build. All three of them laughed together now, across the stretch of people and pavement, and ~~Lou~~ had no doubt that they knew exactly what made that situation so maddening for her. Just this recognition settled her a little. Her body relaxed back into itself a little. She wasn’t in hiding, she wasn’t lying, she wasn’t faking anything. When she walked around in the world, she was herself, here was proof! Here, in this place that made her feel like maybe she had no idea who she was, she was reminded that plenty of other people can see her, really see her. Anyone that wants to see her, can. [[WAIT FOR THE SHOW]]

~~Phil~~ was pretty certain now that something had gone terribly wrong somewhere, and she had been sent to her own, personally designed purgatory, where she had to walk around this fucking theme park with this massive *herd* of people, looking for a spot to watch a fireworks show that she didn't even like in the first place. She diverted her growing fury by debating between whether she would prefer to strangle ~~Bert~~ or ~~Marian~~ first. Eventually, she noticed that her answer kept changing to whichever had spoken most recently. [[WAIT FOR THE SHOW]]

Privately, ~~Lou~~ was starting to feel the flames of her low-burning rage rise. It was true that this information was no revelation to her, but it was all piling up, and she could only think to herself that she could near her breaking point so many times before she finally broke. [[WATCH THE SHOW]]

Now you have to choose. [[WHO WILL YOU GO WITH?]]

It didn't take long for her ~~mom~~ to return with her ~~dad~~, so ~~{YA}'s~~ stint as co-Adult-In-Charge was brief. She kept checking her watch though, because she had planned with ~~Sam~~ to meet up after their shift, which was over in less than an hour. Last night ~~{YA}~~ had promised to send any cool zines she came across on campus to ~~Sam~~, and ~~Sam~~ had promised to mail some mix-tapes to her in return. They’d floated the idea of maybe meeting up somewhere that summer, and they both had enough naïve hope in that plan that there was a decent chance of it actually happening. ~~{YA}~~ was feeling a little less bleak about things overall. She didn't want to abandon her ~~aunt Margot~~ with all of these kids...but she would if she had to. But, because her ~~parents~~ got back so fast, it didn't come to that. They all rode another ride together, there was no line and no one had heard anything from ~~Lou~~ about the search for ~~Bert~~ and ~~Marian~~, so they figured, why not? Better than standing around in their huge group, blocking multiple pathways wherever they stood. After that, she told her ~~mom~~ that she needed to go buy a sweatshirt for her ~~roommate~~ before she forgot, she had promised after all and would probably forget tomorrow, with it being their last day and all. ~~Charlotte~~ begrudingly allowed this, after switching out the batteries in her ~~daughter's~~ walkie talkie for some fresh ones. [[MEET UP WITH ~~SAM~~]]

Enough! The taxi had been called, and she had never fully unpacked her bags in the first place, so it was a cinch to tuck everything back into place in her suitcase. She had told the ~~concierge~~ that she didn't care about the room bill, she'd pay the full booking, but they had to let her ~~daughter~~ into the room later to get the ~~kids'~~ things. He had looked baffled, which told her that he must be stupid. If anyone on earth could be expected to understand what an escape from this hell looked like, it should be the ~~person~~ manning the door. [[AIRPORT]]

Just in time for the end of the fight. [[END OF THE FIGHT]]

_fortune: random.d10 -- The animatronic fortune teller inside clumsily pretends to shuffle cards around, then a little card spits out of the machine. ~~{YA}~~ pulls it from the slot and flips it over. It reads: [if _fortune === 1] *Bury a roll of quarters and two dead batteries under the tree at the center of the park.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 2] *Turn right at the lost duckling.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 3] *Roll up this fortune, a doodle on a napkin, and a coaster from the bar together tightly, then light it all on fire.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 4] *Pull the tape out of the cassette and tie it around your wrist.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 5] *If you find a postcard in your mailbox at home, it is too late for you.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 6] *Punch a hole in a flat penny and wear it on a cord around your neck for the rest of your days.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 7] *Find a hat, lost and forgotten, and pull it apart at the seams.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 8] *Acquire a combination lock and dial the date that you lost.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 9] *Use a pocket knife to cut a hole in the fabric between you and them.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]] [if _fortune === 10] *With a pen stolen from the front desk of your hotel, write a letter to the person whose name you're afraid to speak.* {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fortune.jpg'} [[YIKES?]]

Lou opens the menu. [[READ PAGE ONE]] [[READ PAGE TWO]] [[READ PAGE THREE]] [[READ PAGE FOUR]] [[READ PAGE FIVE]] [[READ PAGE SIX]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

**BREAKFAST** Cheddar omelette..............................................................2.99 Denver omelette................................................................3.99 Stack of pancakes.............................................................1.59 *make them chocolate chip pancakes................................. .25 Pancake meal (two pancakes, two eggs, two sausages or bacon)............1.99 French toast.........................................................................1.69 French toast meal (two pieces of toast, two eggs, two sausages or bacon)....2.19 [[READ PAGE TWO]] [[READ PAGE THREE]] [[READ PAGE FOUR]] [[READ PAGE FIVE]] [[READ PAGE SIX]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

**BREAKFAST CONT.** Biscuits and gravy............................................2.99 Biscuit and gravy meal.....................................3.99 Bagel or muffin and fruit...................................1.89 Hashbrowns...................................................... .99 Hashbrown with omelette..................................1.69 Chicken-fried steak............................................1.99 Eggs benedict....................................................3.99 [[READ PAGE ONE]] [[READ PAGE THREE]] [[READ PAGE FOUR]] [[READ PAGE FIVE]] [[READ PAGE SIX]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

**LUNCH** Lucky sandwich...................................3.99 Chicken salad sandwich.......................3.99 Tuna sandwich......................................2.89 Tuna melt...............................................3.99 Chicken strip basket..............................3.99 Shrimp basket........................................2.99 [[READ PAGE ONE]] [[READ PAGE TWO]] [[READ PAGE FOUR]] [[READ PAGE FIVE]] [[READ PAGE SIX]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

**LUNCH CONT.** Burger basket....................................2.99 Bacon-swiss burger basket...............3.99 Crispy chicken salad..........................4.99 Cobb salad..........................................3.99 BLT......................................................2.99 Chicken ceasar salad..........................4.99 [[READ PAGE ONE]] [[READ PAGE TWO]] [[READ PAGE THREE]] [[READ PAGE FIVE]] [[READ PAGE SIX]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

Near the end of their time there, one of the ~~girls~~ put a whole stack of quarters into the machine and selected "Wannabe" for each one. It's my new favorite song guys, listen!!! The ~~manager~~ threw them out on the eighth time, though that really only made the whole thing funnier. Out on the sidewalk, the group began to splinter. It was dark now, and apparently there were multiple parties to get to, so people coordinated their destinations and began to move toward the bus stop. ~~Sam~~ turned to ~~{YA}~~ and asked what her plans were, and she said, honestly, I just want to go back to the hotel and play pinball in the bar. ~~Sam~~ cracked up at this, you’ve been playing pinball in the bar? Are you twenty-one? Nope, she smiled back, the ~~bartender~~ just lets me in anyway. Ha okay. Mind if I come too? ~~{YA}~~ hesitated, well, do you think she’ll let me bring another underage person in? Underage! I’m twenty-one! You’re the only baby in this group tonight! The few ~~people~~ who were still left laughed at this, our poor little beloved baby! Okay, okay, ~~{YA}~~ threw up her hands in surrender, everyone come along then! In the end, only ~~Sam~~ actually tagged along with her, and they began the ten block walk back to her hotel in the evening light, passing neon hotel signs and packed restaurants with fogged up windows and police cars and lost shoes on the sidewalks and bus stops with people huddled in sleeping bags and overflowing garbage cans and signs directing shuttle vans to various parking lots. [[BACK TO THE HOTEL BAR]]

**DINNER** Crab and tomato cakes with Kentucky remoulade......................6.99 Steak and fries.......................................6.99 Pierogis..................................................4.99 Spaghetti................................................4.99 Macaroni and cheese.............................2.99 Fish and chips (fries)...............................6.99 [[READ PAGE ONE]] [[READ PAGE TWO]] [[READ PAGE THREE]] [[READ PAGE FOUR]] [[READ PAGE SIX]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

**DESSERT** Milkshake................................................................2.99 Slice of pie or cake..................................................3.99 *add scoop of ice cream...................................... .50 Hot fudge sundae....................................................3.99 Strawberry shortcake...............................................2.99 Cheescake................................................................4.99 [[READ PAGE ONE]] [[READ PAGE TWO]] [[READ PAGE THREE]] [[READ PAGE FOUR]] [[READ PAGE FIVE]] [[ORDER FOOD]]

Welcome to * OVER *, an interactive novel where you, the participant/reader/witness, choose the way forward! There is one character that you will need to name. The name that you choose will be her name for the entire story, unless you restart. The links that you'll see *inside* sentences are cycling menus of options, click them to cycle through the choices. Like this: {cycling link for: 'testingcycle', choices: ['click me', 'pretty cool', 'right?']}. To reiterate: the nature of pick-your-path-style stories requires that the player make *choices*. There is no version of this story where you get all of the information. That said, most of the choices presented to you here change the overall course of this story very little. Really, what you're deciding is what *your* experience of it will include. That said, there are multiple endings. When the time comes to choose which character you will follow to the end, it will be obvious. Your progress saves automatically as you work through the pages. ~~Closing~~ the page/browser does not delete this saved progress, but ~~clearing~~ your browser history/cache will. This is true for both desktop and mobile browsers. There is no back button. Like life, there is only the next choice. Ready? [[START]]

~~{YA}~~ has wandered down into the lobby, exhausted from sharing the same hotel room as her ~~parents~~ and most of her ~~siblings~~ as they became frantic while getting ready for dinner, even as she asked them what exactly they needed to do to make that happen? They had been just fine to eat as they were earlier. No, apparently, they were cold. Or, they were going to be cold later. Or they didn’t want to be cold later so they needed to be too hot now. Either way she was confused, because it was still surprisingly warm outside to her, she didn’t bother to change any part of her outfit except the sunglasses, which she was afraid of losing so she closed them in their case before saying, Is it okay if I just meet you downstairs? They agreed and waved her off, we’ll be there in just a minute! She had browsed the giftshop, but it was just a sadder version of all of the shops she had seen that morning. Plastic tchotchkes, novelty shot glasses. If she found nothing better then she’d get one of those for her roommate. After browsing the display full of brochures that were absolutely useless to her for a while, she got tired of feeling the concierge’s eyes raking her up and down and wandered down a hallway that had a sign that said hotel bar ->. [[WALK INTO THE HOTEL BAR]] [[AREN'T YOU TOO YOUNG?]]

Dear {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA1', choices: ['Chloe', 'Olivia', 'Nathaniel']}, My aunt said we should send postcards but {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA2', choices: ["I don't know what to write", "I don't have much to say", "I only said yes so I wouldn't hurt her feelings"]}. Family vacation is {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA3', choices: ['okay', 'fun', 'not very exciting', 'a little bit of a letdown']}. The weather is {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA4', choices: ['good', 'too hot', 'a nice change']} though. Thanks again for {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA5', choices: ['taking notes', 'feeding my fish']} for me while I'm gone. I've been looking for the {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA6', choices: ['sweatshirt', 'hat', 'candy']} that you asked for. Do you ever go on vacation with your family? It's sort of {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA7', choices: ['funny', 'lot to deal with', 'entertaining']} while also being {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA8', choices: ['irritating', 'a good time', 'disheartening']}. Families are {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA9', choices: ['weird', 'difficult', 'complex']} like that, I guess. Nothing {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA10', choices: ['exciting', 'notable', 'worth mentioning']} has happened yet. Hopefully by the time I see you I'll have a story to tell. Remember {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA11', choices: ["that you can call me at my hotel if you want", "we're all going out to the point when I get back", "to record the radio show on Thursday for me, please."]}. See you soon! {cycling link for: 'PostcardYA12', choices: [":)", ":p", ":D"]} {YA} {embed image: "Assets/Art/pen.jpg"} [[MAIL IT]]

When she went back around to deliver all of the coffees, each recipient was instructed to look at their cups, just look! Can you believe that!? They spelled my name MARY-ANNE! MARY-ANNE! Oh, I hate it when they do that! That's what I get for having a unique name, I guess. MARIAN is a MUCH nicer spelling, that's what I told the girl who messed it up. Bet she won't do that again. Mary-Anne... UGH. {embed image: "Assets/Art/coffeeorder.jpg"} [[ENTER THE PARK, DAY TWO]]

After parting ways with her ~~aunt~~, ~~{YA}~~ figures she’ll check out the pool while she waits for her ~~family~~. It’s right outside of the hotel, sandwiched between the diner, the lobby, and the parking lot, and it’s eerily empty. The slowly strengthening morning sun slices between the two towers of the hotel and lands in one side of the pool, hardly a ripple in it even though there’s a bit of a breeze. She thinks that this will do nicely, so she goes back up to her ~~parent’s~~ room, slips on her one-piece in the bathroom while her smallest ~~sister~~ bangs on the door, begging to be let inside, and throws a few more things into the bag she carries on her right shoulder. Her ~~parents~~ don’t even ask her where she’s going. They’re too stuck in a debate with her ~~13-year-old-brother~~ about why he’s not allowed to go off on his own. [[WALK TO THE POOL]]

Luckily, the ~~park employee~~ cuts in, Listen, are you going to stick around for a while? I mean, do you have to get back to your ~~family~~ soon? She thinks about it, realizes that she could spend the entire day away from them and they wouldn’t have any way to find her, replies, no, I don’t need to get back to them. Alright well, if you want, I can snag some of the old popcorn they’re always throwing out and bring you some. Every cart is supposed to totally empty their case every hour, make a whole new batch, no matter how much they still have left or how recently they made it, so there’s always a ton up for grabs. They pile bags of it in all the backstage rooms. It’s not stale or anything, they add quickly, and it’s usually still kind of warm, it’s just not “customer quality” (they add heavy air quotes to this) anymore. The ~~{YA}~~ smiles at this unexpected offer, gladly accepts, perfect, because I only have a few dollars on me and I don’t want to go find my ~~parents~~ to get more. Wait here, the other laughs, if someone turns up tell them I’m getting the show ready. [[HANG OUT]]

Wait. That can't be right. [[ RIDE THE TRAIN ]]

After one loop around the park, Lou clicked the talk button again. Channel 8? Nothing. Hello? ~~*Static*~~ Are you serious? She hissed into the microphone. Are you fucking kidding me? ~~*Static*~~ ~~*Static*~~ Then silence. [[ RIDE THE TRAIN AGAIN ]]

She’d need a taxi immediately. A few coins in the payphone a minute or so later, she has one set to meet her at the park entrance. She couldn't afford to lose her momentum by going back for her things at the hotel, they could have her collection of shirts and underwear, the only thing she needed was to get the fuck out of there. [[ GET IN THE TAXI ]]

When the ~~taxi driver~~ asked which airline she was flying, she gave the name of the one stamped on her tomorrow-ticket. Once dropped at the curb, she ran through the revolving door, flattening a man in a business suit in the opposite side of it. The line at the ticket counter was, miraculously, empty. The ~~clerk~~ at the counter spared a second to take in the frantic appearance of the ~~woman~~ in front of her before turning to her computer to check ticket availability. Before she could even be told the cost of the change, ~~Lou~~ was handing her credit card over. [[ GO TO THE GATE ]]

She moved quickly through the flow of people toward the terminals, using the skills she'd honed all week to dodge and weave as fast as possible, her breathing speeding up the closer she got. Almost there now. She imagined boarding the plane, then sitting alone at the window, then watching the city disappear before her eyes, witnessing the distance she was putting between herself and them as it stretched before her. A-17 was just around the corner now. But just before she turned that corner a sound reached her ears that made her freeze. No. No. No. No. It’s not possible, she thought. But the voice was unmistakable. She’d know it in any version of any reality she could find herself in. [[ ~~MOM?~~ ]]

They all, impossibly, with all of their separate destinations, boarded the same plane. ~~Lou~~ watched the city drift away beneath them from her seat at the window. [[NO NO NO]]

Three steps around the corner, and there sat her ~~family~~. All of them seated in two lines of pleather airport seats at her gate, chattering away easily, eating donuts and sipping on coffee. ~~Lou~~ blinked, scrubbed at her eyes and blinked again. From deep within her bag somewhere she heard the crackling of the walkie-talkie. She plunged her hand into in and wrenched it out just in time to hear the now-familiar voice saying, *you really thought that would work?*, as her ~~mother~~ spotted her and waved her over impatiently, Oh, finally! They’re going to start boarding, I thought we were going to have to miss our flight because of you! Come on, hurry! ~~Lou~~ stared in dumb amazement for a second. Then two. Then she walked mechanically over to them, experiencing a full body numbness that she hoped was permanent. Your ~~siblings~~ were both here on time. And they have ~~kids~~, for crying out loud! You really have no excuse, but come on. [[ BOARD THE PLANE ]]

That isn't right. That can't be right. [[TRY AGAIN, THIS TIME FURTHER BACK]]

After eating a sandwich and drinking a million tiny sips of water, ~~Lou~~ ventured out of the coffee shop and noticed how low the sun was in the sky now. She was surprised that her walkie talkie wasn’t blowing up with her ~~family’s~~ voices. After removing it from her back pocket, she realized why it wasn’t. She had changed the channel hours ago and never changed it back. It struck her as odd as well that there had been no channel 8 in quite some time either. Even though she was feeling more steady on her feet now, her head was still swimming a little, and she couldn’t bring herself to switch back to her family’s channel yet. She needed a little more time to come back to shore. So she clicked her talk button down and said, wow have I had one hell of an afternoon. ~~*Static*~~ *Ah, there you are! I’ve been wondering.* Wondering what? *Where you were! What happened this afternoon?* Well. My six-year-old nephew got lost. Then I found him. Then my parents got lost, and when I was looking for them, I passed out on the sidewalk. *Oh, shit, really? Are you okay?* Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. I just should’ve been drinking more water today, that’s all. But now my ~~family~~ is going to be freaking out about how long I’ve been gone and I don’t necessarily want to tell them why. They’ll make it a whole thing. My ~~mom~~ will make some stupid comment about how she would never be so distracted as to let that happen to her. Hm. [[OH, THERE THEY ARE!]]

~~LOUISE!~~ ~~Marian's~~ arms were waving in the air, far across the growing mob for the evening parade. ~~LOUISE!~~ OVER HERE! She raised her hand in the air in acknowledgment, completely unwilling to scream a response, but ~~Marian~~ kept yelling anyway until they were close enough to speak normally. ~~Mom~~, you didn't need to keep screaming, I was looking right at you, I was waving! She rolled her eyes, well you wouldn't *answer* me. ~~Bert~~ ignored their bickering, asked, did you find ~~the six-year-old~~?? Yes, yeah, we found him. I came to find *you* since you don't have a walkie-talkie. Well, ~~Marian~~ huffed, we've been worried SICK. We went back to where we left you but everyone had gone! You should have just stayed there! Where we knew you would be! ~~Lou~~ drank more water, casually though, so as to avoid questions, she wasn't sure how pale she looked at the moment, and said, well, the ~~kids~~ wouldn't just sit there, so we did our best. Both of her ~~parents~~ were then distracted by ropes being strung all around to clear a path for the parade, the ~~park employees~~ getting their walking traffic guiding lights lit up and ready for action, and thankfully they moved past the topic of the lost ~~kid~~. Alright then, ~~Bert~~ said, where is everyone? I'll ask, ~~Lou~~ sighed, and changed the walkie-talkie back to the right channel. [[DINNER?]]

Hesitating for only a moment, ~~{YA}~~ approaches ~~Phil~~ and asks if she wouldn’t mind a little company? They hadn’t spent a whole lot of time together, one on one, but she was desperate for something interesting and she knew for certain that it wouldn’t be found riding the kiddie rides with her herd of ~~siblings~~ and ~~cousins~~. ~~Phil~~ held herself back from sighing, she couldn’t blame the girl for wanting to get away for a bit since that’s exactly what she was doing herself. No, she wouldn’t mind. Yes, yes, channel 8! [[KIDDIE RIDES]] [[WINDOW SHOPPING]] [[WHERE DID THE ~~AUNT~~ GO?]]

Didn't she still have those bonus miles from that layover-fiasco last year? Those would probably more than cover a simple date-switch on her plane ticket. Even if they didn't quite cover it, how big of a price tag would she be willing to choke down in order to spend tomorrow night burrowed under her own down duvet, between the linen sheets that she had washed the day she left in order to give herself something to look forward to? They would order takeout from that place down the road...No, no she would stop at the produce stand a few blocks over on her way home, get a frilly head of lettuce and some beautiful cheese and then pop into the bottle shop for something light, even fizzy maybe, and finally by the bakery for a sourdough loaf, still warm from the oven, and then she would light her favorite candle, she had stocked up and so had a brand new one on deck, put on her slippers, close all the of curtains except for those that looked out onto her lush backyard, and unplug the phone from the wall for a day or two. She could sleep the whole night knowing that no child would wake her, that the next day could be exactly as she wanted it to be, they could make an extra-long walk of the neighborhood in the morning, clip a few of her neighbor's lovely flowers (he always let them, but no one else), and get out the big vase... The lights dimmed, an obnoxiously peppy voice began piping through the speakers before the first **BOOM**. [[WATCH THE SHOW]]

The extra miles on her account covered the ticket change, the attendant at the desk had given her a knowing look, and then slid her a pass to the airport lounge. ~~Phil~~ assumed that her immense gratitude had shown on her face, as the ~~woman~~ also passed her a customer satisfaction survey, with a wink. After days of being plied for her money and attention incessantly, all under the guise of "having more wholesome family fun!!", frankly, she was comforted by the honesty. [[AIRPORT LOUNGE]]

It was too early for wine, though she was tempted, and so a simple club soda with lime was her choice. She sat in a wide chair, inspected the dry, tired skin of her hands, pulled her favorite hand cream from her purse, applied it, sipped her soda, straightened her still-crisp shirt, straightened the earrings she was wearing, almost got her book from her purse, but instead chose to soak in the quiet hum of morning in this small corner of the busy airport. Out the window, planes were landing, taxiing, taking off, connecting to stairs and walkways to let people in and out. Soon, very soon, she would be standing under her own shower head, scrubbing her body until all traces of amusement park were rinsed down the drain. {embed image: 'Assets/Art/drink.jpg'} [[HOME]]

Even just the sound of her key in her own door made ~~Phil's~~ spirits soar. Ah, finally, she exhaled. Inside, the house was warmly lit, a window was open somewhere that made the curtains drift around a little, she could hear humming coming from the kitchen. She took her shoes off, set them neatly in the rack by the door, set her bags down by the hallway, mentally allowing herself to put off unpacking until after dinner, and went into the kitchen. ~~Millie~~ was there, back to the doorway, humming while she seemed to be diliberating over which glasses to use with the plates she had already selected. ~~Phil~~ said nothing, too tired, but went over to the other ~~woman~~ and squeezed her around the shoulders, placed a kiss on her cheek, sighed hapily. [[A FEW DAYS LATER]]

They were having lunch on the patio, nothing special, just some fresh things from the garden tossed in oil and vinegar and some of the chunky salt ~~Millie~~ loved so much, when the phone rang inside. ~~Phil~~ groaned as she rose to answer it. She hated when people called her. Hi ~~mom~~, ~~Margot's~~ voice came tinny across the phone lines, just wanted to call and tell you we made it home in one piece. Hope you did too. ~~Phil~~ ignored the pointed comment and asked how the rest of the trip had gone. Oh, you know, chaotic but fun. The kids missed you. ~~Phil~~ snorted, they had plenty to distract them, I'm sure they were fine. She could hear ~~Margot~~ sigh, then gear up to launch into a long-winded story and so added quickly, you know, darling, I have someone over for lunch today and we just sat down, could I call you back later? Oh, ~~Margot~~ stopped, adjusted her expectations for the call. Sure. Is it that guy again, ~~Walter~~, right? ~~Phil~~ leaned over to catch sight of ~~Millie~~ on the patio, she looked cold sitting there in just a cotton dress but she wouldn't be convinced to put on a sweater, said she wanted to let her skin soak up as much of the early spring sunshine as possible. Yes, it's him again. Oooo, careful ~~mom~~, he might start to think things are serious between you two! ~~Margot~~ you know me, there's not a chance of that. Call you tomorrow. [[FIN]]

Please keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the car until it comes to a complete stop. Don't forget to collect any personal belongings before exiting. Have a great day! [[CREDITS]]

You have to pick one, no going back. What's your choice? FOLLOW [[~~LOU~~ TO THE END]] FOLLOW ~~{YA}~~ [[TO THE END]]

After finding out that the group was about to board another ride, the strollers were all locked up already and everything, ~~Marian~~ kicked it into high gear to try to make it to them in time to ride too. ~~Lou~~ almost thought she could see smoke coming from her rubber shoe soles as she scorched across the pavement, but, since she had zero desire to follow suit, quickly lost sight of her. She would go with them, she would play along a little longer, but she wasn't going to break her back to do so. Her ~~father~~ ended up somewhere in between his ~~wife~~ and ~~daughter~~, reluctant to give ~~Marian~~ more fuel to burn him with by lagging too far behind her. For a split second she had entertained the idea of catching up to ~~Bert~~, of talking, or shouting, about how badly he had misinterpreted her words, but as soon as she imagined what she might actually say, all desire to do it left her. What was the point? In the moment, last night, she had forgotten about all of the other times she had tried to hint the truth to him in the same sort of way, all of the times that she thought she saw true understanding from him, thought he was letting down a lifeline, only to have the rug ripped out from under her. She thought back to instances of even more blatant betrayals, promises broken for no other reason than to save himself some trouble, and she felt so, so stupid for falling for it once again. She was almost forty, for fucks sake, when would she ever learn? At the end of the day, maybe those moments of understanding *were* genuine, but he would never admit it in the daylight. Never in front of her ~~mother~~. ~~Lou~~ was beginning to see how rage could help her, how steady fuel to this low-burning fire could result in something life-changing. But, she still wasn't sure that she could handle it, that she wouldn't be consumed by the flames. [[ANOTHER NIGHT, ANOTHER LINE]]

They kept the ~~kids~~ tightly around them after the ~~lost child~~ fiasco. ~~Charlotte~~ still hadn't let go of the ~~six-year-olds~~ hand, hours later, and ~~Marian~~ kept obsessively counting everyone. Each time ~~Lou~~ felt herself being counted, she had to physically hold herself back from flinching. Yes, they were all here, in what particular state didn't matter. ~~*Static*~~ *How's the fam?* She ignored Channel 8, turned the walkie talkie off. [[PAYPHONE]]

After the canyon-themed roller coaster, after hearing her ~~dad~~ do his trademark hoot and holler at the top of the highest drop, ~~Lou~~ made a flimsy excuse about needing to call home to get someone to check on her apartment. I think I left the TV on, she lied to her ~~sister~~. I mean, you're going to be home tomorrow night, if it's been on this long, what's one more day? ~~Charlotte~~ pointed out, ~~Lou~~ ignored her. Arguing ~~family~~, ~~crying child~~, ~~grandma~~ in rapture, she stalked past them all to the payphones up front. Once there, she realized that she didn't have anyone to call. She thought for a moment, then called the airline to ask about changing her ticket. After a brief hold, they told her that it wouldn't be much, there had been a cancellation on a flight in a few hours so if she could get there in time, it was all set. Great, perfect, she told them, I'll be there. [[BACK TO THE HOTEL]]

She stopped at the front desk to tell them she was checking out, and to leave a note for them to deliver to her ~~sister~~ that said: Had to leave in a hurry, neighbor said that there's a big leak or something and that I should come home right away. Barely going to catch a flight as it is. I'll call you when I get there, sorry! She scribbled that down, hardly registering what she was writing, signed the papers the ~~conceirge~~ slid in front of her for checkout, and told them to call her a cab. Then she went to the hotel bar. [[BAR]]

She nearly kicked the door open, she was moving as fast as she could, short of flat-out running, so as to not lose her nerve. Once inside, she saw that ~~Ruth~~ wasn't there. FUCK, she groaned. All of the ~~patrons~~ and the ~~bartender~~ turned to look at her strangely. CAN'T I CATCH A FUCKING BREAK-- she groaned as she abruptly turned and exited as quickly as she had entered. [[PACK]]

~~Lou~~ throws her things into her bags, shoving violently when they threaten to burst, and ran down the stairs rather than take the elevator to the lobby. The cab was waiting for her at the entrance. [[GO TO THE AIRPORT]]

When the ~~taxi driver~~ asked which airline she was flying, she gave the name of the one stamped on her tomorrow-ticket. The line at the ticket counter was, miraculously, empty. The ~~clerk~~ at the counter listened to ~~Lou~~ as she explained the ticket change, and with a few clackity-clacks on her keyboard, the new ticket was printed, crisp and warm in her hand. [[TO THE GATE]]

She moved with the flow of people toward the terminals, staving off a panic attack about her ~~family~~ getting her note soon. Almost there now. She imagined boarding the plane, then sitting alone at the window, then watching the city disappear before her eyes, witnessing the distance she was putting between herself and them as it stretched before her. B-13 was just around the corner now. But just before she turned that corner a sound reached her ears that made her freeze. No. It’s not possible, she thought. But the voice was inevitable. [[MARIAN, OF COURSE]]

Three steps around the corner, and there sat her ~~family~~. All of them. ~~Lou~~ blinked, scrubbed at her eyes and blinked again. She was gripping the walkie talkie in her right hand. It crackled, ~~*STATIC*~~, *What exactly are you trying to do here?* Her ~~mother~~ spotted her and waved her over impatiently, Oh, finally! We're always waiting on YOU, Louise. Come on! ~~Lou~~ said nothing. She walked forward. You really have no excuse, but come on. [[BOARD]]

~~Lou~~ watched the city drift away beneath them from her seat at the window. [[THERE'S NO GETTING OUT OF THIS ONE]]

They kept the ~~kids~~ tightly around them after the ~~lost child~~ fiasco. ~~Charlotte~~ still hadn't let go of the ~~six-year-olds~~ hand, hours later, and ~~Marian~~ kept obsessively counting everyone. Each time ~~Lou~~ felt herself being counted, she had to physically hold herself back from flinching. Yes, they were all here, in what particular state didn't matter. ~~*Static*~~ *How's the fam?* Fuck you, she muttered into it as she boarded the mine-cart car of the canyon ride. [[NIGHTTIME, DAY FIVE]]

Back at the hotel for the night, after everyone said their tired *goodnight*'s and *see you in the morning*'s, ~~Lou~~ volunteered to wait for the next elevator, the strollers took up so much space, it was just too cramped, and when the doors slid shut, she made a beeline for the front desk. I need a taxi, please. [[PACK QUIETLY]]

In her room, she felt like seventeen pairs of eyes were watching her accusingly as she gathered her few things back into her suitcase. She didn't make eye contact. [[FIRST, THE BAR]]

~~Lou~~ crept down the hallway to the bar, but the music was all wrong, she knew that ~~Ruth~~ wouldn't be there. When she opened the door anyway, the pinball machine laughed wickedly at her. [[LOBBY]]

And, just like she had known ~~Ruth~~ wouldn't be in the bar, she knew that her ~~family~~ would be in the lobby. There they were, all of them, impossibly, scattered around with their one million bags and backpacks and strollers, and here was her ~~mother~~. saying, ~~Louise~~, hurry up, the shuttle is waiting!! ~~Lou~~ was beginning to understand, was beginning to see what was going on here, but couldn't refrain from muttering, but, but, it's so late, why...why... ~~Charlotte~~ rolled her eyes, ~~Lou~~, we know it's late but these tickets were way cheaper than the ones that leave tomorrow. Let's just go. [[OKAY]]

The lobby doors swished open, but ~~Lou~~ couldn't make herself walk through them. No. No, no, no, no. NO. She ran up the seven flights of stairs to her room, jammed her key card in the slot, dove beneath the bedcovers, smashed a pillow over her head and immediately fell asleep. [[DAY SIX]]

Morning light streamed past the half-closed curtains, making strange shapes on the floor. ~~Lou's~~ head was pounding, feeling stuffed full of cotton and glue, and she had a few moments of nothingness, no memory of yesterday or today or tomorrow. The phone rang next to her head and brought the nothingness to a close. She had no intention of answering it, but then it started again and the noise made her want to scream, so, with both of her eyes still closed. she did. WHAT, she groaned into the receiver. *~~Lou?~~ Hey, it's ~~Ruth~~.* She wrenched herself up to sitting, blinked, stared at the phone for a second, then answered, ~~Ruth?~~ Yeah, you know, the ~~bartender~~? From the other night? No, no, I know, I'm just... yeah.. uh, rough morning. *Oh. Well, sorry if it's weird that I called, it's just that I have to go by the bar this morning to pick something up, and I remembered you saying that today was your last day in town, so I thought I'd check and see if you wanted to grab breakfast? If you're busy or having breakfast with your family, you know, don't worry about it, but I thought I'd ask.* ~~Lou~~ nodded emphatically, then remembered that it was a phone call, and said verbally, yes, that would be great, what time? [[BREAKFAST]]

The diner was full but mellow. ~~Lou~~ had put her shirt on backward but hadn't noticed yet. ~~Ruth~~ was already sitting at a little table by the pastry case, drinking coffee. When ~~Lou~~ sat down, she said, wow, you *look* like you've had a rough morning. This didn't phase ~~Lou~~, she just shrugged in response, said, told you. The funnest family vacation on earth has it's downsides, huh? That's one way to put it. Do you want some food? Or just coffee? Definitely both. Maybe that will help me feel less like I've completely lost my mind. A greasy breakfast is good for that sort of thing. Makes you feel human. Here's to hoping. The ~~waitress~~ came by and poured a cup of coffee for ~~Lou~~, and took their orders. ~~Ruth~~ ordered a full breakfast spread, ~~Lou~~ ordered {breakfast} again. [[DRINK COFFEE]]

Can I tell you something? ~~Lou~~ asked ~~Ruth~~. Yeah, of course. She breathed in, tried to steady herself, tried to organize her racing thoughts into something that would make sense. I... I... think something...snapped... inside of me. I think maybe I am in a dream right now, and that none of this is real. I think I am stuck and I don't know how to escape. ~~Lou~~ expected ~~Ruth~~ to react skeptically to this, to attempt to placate her or something equally infuriating. Instead, ~~Ruth~~ just nodded, as if to say, go on. I've...been having these dreams...and.. I keep trying to run away from my family but they always beat me to where I'm going, they're always already there, waiting for me, and...when I look in the mirror there is something who is NOT me looking back at me and... and... I... ~~Lou~~ glanced frantically around, trying to find something to ground her, some way to get her bearings. Everything was spinning, reaching a fever pitch, and ~~Ruth~~ was just looking at her like they were having a normal conversation while waiting for eggs and bacon, and right as she felt like she had threaded the right words together finally in her mind, right as she was about to blurt them out, she spotted her ~~family~~, just outside the window, wakling by, and she was standing before she had even processed this fact, was halfway to the bathroom before she was halfway through the first word. [[BATHROOM]]

She ran into the bathroom, slammed the lock on the door behind her, and made straight for the mirror. The ~~Lou~~ in the mirror with the mole on the wrong side stared at her. The room seemed to swirl around them, just out of the corner of her eye, but she would not get distracted, not this time. ENOUGH! ~~Lou~~ screamed, *ENOUGH!* ~~Lou~~ with the mole on the left side, the ~~Lou~~ in the mirror, replied disdainfully, why scream at me? This isn't *my* fault. ~~Lou~~ with the mole on the right side, felt her jaw drop open in shock. What? ~~Left-Lou~~ shrugged, you heard me. ~~Right-Lou~~ protested, how could any of this be my fault?! You're making a problem where there is none. I'm not the only one who thinks so. But you already know that. ~~Right-Lou~~ felt more than she heard the walkie talkie, somehow, someway in her pocket though she had no memory of putting it there, click on, and Channel 8 add, *that's what I've been trying to tell you the whole time.* That's not-- WHAT? No, no no no. ~~Left-Lou~~ nodded, yes yes yes. Her arms crossed and she glared back at ~~Right-Lou~~, now, you have one day left of this vacation, it's not too late to just go out there and enjoy yourself, not too late to set all of this nonsense aside. [[IS THAT RIGHT?]]

~~Right-Lou~~ stood there for a moment, hands clutching at the sink's edge, forcing herself to think, THINK. What if the ~~Lou~~ in the mirror is right? What if Channel 8 is right? What if she is the only problem here? If that was true, she could simply let it all go, let the problems slink away, and she would be left standing, able to enjoy her time with her family, able to let the things that have bothered her slide off and disappear. Then she could be the ~~Lou~~ they wanted, the ~~Lou~~ they have always imagined her to be. Wouldn't that be nice? After all of this struggle and heartache, wouldn't it be a relief? She tried to imagine it, felt the warmth that would be waiting for her, wondered if it could be so easy. But, then again, would it be real? Would it be permanent? Would she still be...~~Lou~~? Where would her desire to be known, fully, wholly, lovingly, go? ~~Left-Lou~~ interjected at that, life has other things to offer. Let's not be greedy now. Everyone has to make choices, there's no story that can give you everything. [[CHOOSE]]

~~Lou~~ stares into the mirror. [[CHOOSE FAMILY]] [[CHOOSE LOU]]

You're... maybe you're right... ~~Lou~~ looks at the mirror, turns on the faucet and splashes her cheeks. She feels on her face for her mole, familiar on the left side, and says, okay. The ~~Lou~~ in the mirror looks satisfied, their moles a matching set. Channel 8 pipes in again, *Wasn't your ~~family~~ walking by outside? You can probably run out and catch them if you hurry.* Oh, that's right! ~~Lou~~ quickly unlocks the bathroom door and rushes back out to ~~Ruth's~~ table. I'm so sorry, she apologizes, I just heard from my ~~family~~ and they need me to meet them right now. She puts down some bills to cover her food, barely glances at ~~Ruth's~~ face as she makes her hasty exit, and promptly wipes the image of disappointment from her memory. Outside, the air is cool, the sidewalks full, but she sees her ~~family~~ a little ways up the street, and she calls out after them, hey, wait up!! [[END]]

Fuck yeah. [[....]]

[[CREDITS]]

Her {breakfast} is there waiting, ~~Ruth~~ is motoring through her pancakes, and the ~~waitress~~ is coming by to refill coffee. Once seated again, fresh coffee in hand, ~~Lou~~ asks, so, do you have any plans for the rest of the day? ~~Ruth~~ shrugs, swallows a bite of food, says, not really. I don't think I'm up for another day in the park, maybe we could do something instead? ~~Lou~~ asks as she starts to dig into her own food. ~~Ruth~~ smiles widely at her, yeah? Okay, anything in particular you want to do? Nope, whatever you want. Won't your family be mad? Nah, they won't even know I'm gone. [[FIN]]

{embed image: 'Assets/Art/creditbanner.jpg'} {embed image: 'Assets/Art/contributors.jpg'} {embed image: 'Assets/Art/thanks.jpg'} {embed image: 'Assets/Art/end.jpg'} [align center] ~~Created with Twine 2 / Chapbook~~ ~~GlassTTY TrueType VT220 font~~ © ~~Audrey Larson 2025~~ {embed image: 'Assets/Art/fireworks.jpg'} Restart from the [[BEGINNING?]]

After all, what did those other two get up to? [[START]]

Are these guns shooting real bullets?? ~~{YA}~~ asked ~~Sam~~, alarmed. Not bullets, pellets. But, yeah, that's half the fun. The noise they make when you hit one of the targets is very satisfying! ~~{YA}~~ raised her eyebrows high, but said nothing more. Okay, I'll go get some tokens, be right back. She passed a kid with a cup full of tokens, looking like he had been there for quite some time already and had no plans of leaving any time soon. Sheesh, we could drop ~~Grandpa~~ off here tomorrow and he'd be set for the whole day. She fed some money into the token machine, and held a cup underneath for the tokens to spill into. Okay! She called back to ~~Sam~~, let's do it! She put the token into the slot for her station, picked the gun up, and squeezed the trigger. The bb bounced off of a corner of the scenery. Okay, I can get the hang of this, she thought. A target moved slowly out in front of her, and she tried to keep pace with it with her aiming eye, shot, missed. It's not very easy, ~~Sam~~ said next to her. Here, put enough tokens in to try for a while. They fed a handful of tokens into each of their machines. Thirty or so shots later, ~~{YA}~~ had hit two targets. ~~Sam~~ hit three. I told you, not easy! [[TRY AGAIN ]] [[EXIT]]

They walked slowly to the candy store, there was no reason to hurry, and ~~{YA}~~ realized that the theme park could be a lot more fun if you weren't obsessing over riding as many rides as possible. Her family was always sprinting around, shouting out wait times at each other. It was exhausting. ~~Sam~~ was telling her about their own family, about cousins and siblings and grandparents and holidays. ~~{YA}~~ had never had *that* many close friends, even just hearing about the habits and ways of other ~~famiilies~~ was blowing her mind a little. She had never really been prompted to think about other ways of being. It seemd to be all she could think about this week. The candy store was aglow with gleaming glass candy dispensers and ~~childrens~~ eyes wide with possibility. The two of them felt a little of that childlike excitement buzz through them, and lunged for an empty paper bag to start filling. Anything sour, get anything sour! ~~Sam~~ called from across the store, hand wrenching down the handle on a dispenser full of sour balls. No, anything chocolate!! ~~{YA}~~ responded, elbow deep in a bin full of chocolate covered espresso beans. Soon, very soon, they each had a bulging bag of treats to share, and they only winced a little at the price at the register. It's fine, I know a cheap place to get dinner later, ~~Sam~~ reassured her. Okay, let's take our candy and do a ride now, ~~Sam~~ said. There's the one with the big drop, but we'll definitely get soaked, and there's the slow one, where we'll stay dry. Which one do you want to do? [[GET SPLASHED]] [[STAY DRY]]

The evening was deepening, the temperature had dropped significantly, and so the line was not very long. They chattered away about college, comparing classes and professors, all the while motoring through the candy. If the wait had been longer, they might have gotten through most of it, which would have been fortunate because it would mean that less of it would have gotten wet. ~~{YA}~~ shrieked at the first significant drop, realizing too late the the candy was perfectly vulnerable to the incoming wave, yelled to ~~Sam~~ THE CANDY!!! For the big drop, the one where they take the photo, they both squirreled their own bag away under their shirts, rolling themselves up into balls to keep it all from further damage. They cackled when they saw the photo, both hunched over and looking terrified. It just looks like we're a couple of wimps! ~~Sam~~ protested. Let's eat the rest of this candy. Then we can go on whatever without worrying about it, ~~{YA}~~ suggested. We are going to be so sick, ~~Sam~~ replied. [[EXIT]]

Let's stay dry, I don't want to get the candy wet, ~~{YA}~~ decided. Cool, this way then, ~~Sam~~ pointed the way, and they began meandering, eating candy, discussing their choices, comparing tastes. It was evening now, and much cooler than it had been earlier, but the lines for the indoor rides were still sort-of long. They had plenty to talk about though, favorite movies, favorite albums, etc., and so the wait went by fast. You're telling me, ~~Sam~~ was saying as they boarded the wide boat for the ride, that you *don't* know who Sleater-Kinney is? Do you live under a rock? Well, tell me what album to get and I'll get it!! ~~{YA}~~ protested, ignoring the child next to her who was jamming their souvenir hat into her leg. I'm afraid to delve further, I'm just going to need to mail you a list, ~~Sam~~ teased. I bet I know a bunch of bands that *you* don't know. Oh yeah, try me. The boat launched, and so the discussion was put on hold. The rustling of their paper candy bags annoyed some of their fellow passengers but neither of them noticed. [[EXIT]]

Let's do a ride, but one where we can eat the rest of this candy. Then we can go on whatever without worrying about it, ~~{YA}~~ suggested. We are going to be so sick, ~~Sam~~ replied. They walked to the other side of the park, barely bounding across the main road in time to beat the parade, and found the line for the mini-train. It just goes above a bunch of the park, kind of boring but it's nighttime so it'll be kind of cool. The walked on to the moving platform, timed to keep up with the cars as they boarded, and ~~Sam~~ said hey to one of the ~~employees~~, who then gave them a hard time about spending their time off at the park. I'm just showing my friend around!!!! They yelled back as the car took off. [[SIGHTSEE]]

It's pretty cool up here, actually, ~~{YA}~~ said, everyone is so small, and all of the lights look pretty. ~~Sam~~ shrugged, yeah, not a bad view. We can go on that next, they said, pointing at the monster mountain ride. ~~{YA}~~ nodded, kept scanning the view, looking for her ~~family~~ down there amongst the thousands. So, you go home tomorrow, huh. ~~Sam~~ said, popping sour candy into their mouth like grapes. How is it flying with that many people? ~~{YA}~~ groaned, about how you would guess, I'd say. It's fine, but there's always something embarassing that happens. One of my siblings or cousins will pack something weird in their bag, my ~~grandma~~ will bring really smelly food and eat it on the plane, something like that. She paused, dug around in her damp candy bag for a chocolate truffle. Last time we came here, she brought one of those turkey legs they sell here. Onto the plane. And then she ate it. ~~Sam~~ snort-laughed, WHAT. ~~{YA}~~ sighed, yeah. [[NOTICE A KID IN A DIFFERENT CAR]]

Hey, what's that kid up there doing? He's... I think he's throwing something? They both saw the glint of a small object as it flew from their elevated track down to the ground below. I think it was a coin or something. They watched him do it again, seeing clearly know that he was holding a pile of change in his hand, selecting one at a time to then snap between his fingers to launch at the crowd below. He looked to be about twelve. HEY! ~~Sam~~ shouted, WHAT THE HELL KID. He swiveled around, saw both of them in the car well behind him, stuck his tongue out. Jesus christ it would hurt if you got hit with one of those. ~~{YA}}~~ yelled, HEY!! [[THROW A PIECE OF CANDY AT HIM]] [[SCOLD HIM]]

She reached into the bag for a chcolate covered espresso bean, wound up and threw it. They both watched it fly out a few feet in front of their car, then plummet to the ground. So, you don't play softball or anything then, ~~Sam~~ snickered. ~~{YA}~~ laughed, said, gimme one of your sour balls, this candy is too light. WHAT, and waste my favorite candy when your wimpy arm can't hit him?! No way. They watched the kid flick another penny, with a little more gusto now that he knew he had an audience. Oh, come on ~~Sam~~, then *you* do it! Okay, okay, I will. Hang on. They dilberated over which color to sacrifice, gingergly selected it, then licked it. Ew, why?? At least I'll get to taste it a little!!!! Then they wound up dramatically, and threw it. It pinged loudly off of the kid's car, causing him to turn around again and yell at them, HEY WATCH IT! No, YOU WATCH IT! ~~Sam~~ yelled back, what if you hit a ~~baby~~, or...or... a ~~grandma~~!! WHAT DO YOU CARE?? Go back to your DATE!!! ~~{YA}~~ blushed intensely, date?!, but thankfully ~~Sam~~ was not distracted by this comment and so didn't glance at her. The kid stuck his tongue out again. And, really, everyone knows that there's no effective comeback to that. ~~Sam~~ stuck their tongue out back at him. [[DATE??]]

Hey, KID! ~~Sam~~ yelled, what if you hit a ~~baby~~, or...or... a ~~grandma~~!! WHAT! The kid yelled back. ~~{YA}}~~ tried this time, WHAT IF YOU HIT A ~~GRANDMA~~!!!! WHAT DO YOU CARE?? Go back to your DATE!!! ~~{YA}~~ blushed intensely, date?!, but thankfully ~~Sam~~ was not distracted by this comment and so didn't glance at her. YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T FIND A PENNY BECAUSE IF I DO IT'S GOT YOUR NAME ON IT!!!!! The kid stuck his tongue out again. And, really, everyone knows that there's no effective comeback to that. ~~Sam~~ stuck their tongue out back at him. [[DATE??]]

~~{YA}~~ thinks quickly, is this a date? Do I want it to be a date? [[ ...NO]] [[ ...YES]]

When the car pulled back around to the front, the ~~kid~~ was already out of his car, and in the middle of being yelled at by his ~~mother~~. What on EARTH is WRONG with you?? What if you had hurt someone!? He glared sulkily. When ~~{YA}~~ and ~~Sam~~ walked by, behind his ~~mother~~, they stuck their tongues out at him. Then they snickered all the way out of the building. Now, should we do the canyon ride? I think I've got one more in me before I should get out of here. If you want to walk part of the way home with me, I can take you to a good place for some food though! ~~{YA}~~ felt the uneasiness in her stomach from eating only candy for the last chunk of the day, that sounds great. [[ONE MORE]]

~~Kids~~ can be such monsters, jeez, ~~Sam~~ said, laughing a little. Yeah...plus what was that about us being on a date... ~~{YA}~~ added, painfully aware of how not-smooth she was in general and how particularly not-smooth that transition was. But she couldn't risk ~~Sam~~ totally missing the comment. Is that what he said? I only half heard it, they turned, smirked at ~~{YA}~~, well, it sounds like it's out of our hands then, this must be a date! I probably should have brought flowers or something. ~~{YA}~~ felt herself blush hotly, no, I'm not really a flowers-on-the-first-date kind of person. Is that so? ~~Sam~~ continued smirking, well, that's good to know. Now, should we do the canyon ride? I think I've got one more in me before I should get out of here. But, after that, maybe we should go get some real food? There's a taco place I like to go to on my way home. Unless you need to catch up with your family. No, I don't. Tacos sound great. Let's do one more and then go, ~~{YA}~~ agreed, trying to hide her smile but failing. [[JUST ONE MORE]]

Now what? [[SEE A MOVIE]] [[TAKE A TRIP AROUND THE PARK]] [[RIDE THE BUMPY ADVENTURE RIDE]]

Have you watched the movie they show in the theatre here? No, I never have. My family always says that we aren't here to sit around. They would, ha. Well, let's go watch it, if you want. It's actually kind of hilarious. And there's effects and stuff, and since *you* don't know when they happen, but *I* do, it'll be extra fun for me!! They skipped away, laughing, and ~~{YA}~~ shook her head and smiled before following. [[MOVIE]]

Let's do it again, ~~{YA}~~ said. Okay, I'll go get some more tokens. While ~~Sam~~ was doing that, she studied the spread of targets. There was a little wooden gopher with a number of dents in his face that made her wince a little. Not a very cheerful attraction, but something about it made her want to get good at it. Alright, one more try, ~~Sam~~ said, feeding the machines again. **PING!** **PING!** **PINGPINGPING!** HEY, I got that little secret one back there! ~~{YA}~~ yelled. Oh...*PING!*...man...*PING!*... I am terrible at this, ~~Sam~~ muttered. Once they were both out, they compared results. Wow, you got a lot better, ~~Sam~~ said to ~~{YA}~~. ~~{YA}~~ was pretty pleased with herself, but didn't want to show it too much. Yeah, I guess so! [[EXIT]]

This one is pretty new, and it breaks down a lot, but it's also really fun, ~~Sam~~ was explaining. Yeah, we went on this one yesterday. My ~~grandma~~ screamed so loud I thought they were going to stop the ride. And my ~~mom~~ didn't want my younger ~~sister~~ to get scared so she kept trying to cover her eyes, but she doesn't know the ride very well, so she basically squashed her head against the seat for 75% of the ride. My ~~sister~~ had an imprint of the seat belt on her face afterward. ~~Sam~~ cracked up, sounds worse than being scared. Exactly. The line was long, very long, but they had plenty of things to talk about. ~~{YA}~~ was telling ~~Sam~~ about some flyers she kept seeing posted around campus, someone keeps ripping them down, probably a ~~professor~~ or something because the club the flyers are talking about isn't a "school-sanctioned" club, but it sounds really cool. I think I'm going to go to the next meeting. Do you know anyone who's gone? No, but that's not that weird. I don't have very many friends at school. Why is that? I don't know, there's no real *reason* I don't think. Well, I mean, why don't you make more friends? If you want more, that is. I don't think being a loner is all that bad. Yeah, I mean, I don't intentinally avoid people or anything, I'm not intentionally alone all the time, it's just that everyone I meet seems too cool to be friends with me. I don't have enough interests to keep up. I think a lot of people think that about themselves. Maybe. Sounds like you need some more interests then. To keep you busier when you're alone, at the very least. Ha, yeah. [[MOVE FURTHER INTO THE LINE]]

Walking up to the theater, ~~Sam~~ was trying to explain the sort of experience that ~~{YA}~~ was about to have. Have you ever heard about all of the stuff that WIlliam Castle did for his movie releases? The stuff for *The Tingler* and all that? The what? No? Hm, well this is like that, sort-of, like the stuff that happens on screen also has effects that they do in real life. It's campy. You'll love it. ~~{YA}~~ shrugged. And you should watch those movies. Please tell me you at least know who Vincent Price is. They walked into the theater together. You mean the guy from Sesame Street? WHAT!!!!!!!!!! [[TALK THROUGH THE WHOLE THING]]

Every time a 3D effect burst out of the screen at them ~~{YA}~~ jumped, and when the skittering effects on their seats happened, she screamed. ~~Sam~~ was laughing so hard that their sides ached. They couldn't help but talk the entire time, ~~{YA}~~ mostly saying WHAT, OH NOW WHAT, but ~~Sam~~ was saying stuff about the actors and the music and the ~~family~~ in front of them kept turning around to glare at them through their matching 3D glasses, one eye red and one blue each. They didn't notice. [[BACK OUTSIDE]]

You know, since we're so close, we should go on the indoor rollercoaster. One of my ~~friends~~ works there. ~~{YA}~~ said sure, that one is always fun. It was strangely quiet at the front of the line for the roller coaster. That's weird, ~~Sam~~ said, I figured it would be getting crazy right about now. They meandered through the seemingless endless looping and re-looping of the line maze, eventually reached a place where other people had come to a standstill, waiting, but they were really close to the front by then. Bizarre, ~~Sam~~ said, still confused. When the got into view of the boarding platform, ~~Sam~~ started scanning around for their friend. ~~{YA}~~ looked around, wondering which of the people loading people into cars, pushing mysterious buttons at the control podium, and helping people out of cars could be her friend's ~~friend~~. Finally, ~~Sam~~ must have spotted them, because they stuck their hand up in the air to wave, before thinking better of it. I'll just wait until we're up there, they said. ~~{YA}~~ still wasn't sure which person to anticipate talking to, but felt nervous. When it was their turn, ~~Sam~~ said, HEY ~~JOSH~~, and a guy standing at the control podium looked up. When he saw ~~Sam~~, he rollled his eyes and walked over. Isn't today your day off? He asked, what are you hanging around for?? ~~Sam~~ motioned toward ~~{YA}~~, just showing my friend around. ~~Josh~~, ~~{YA}~~, ~~{YA}~~, ~~Josh~~. ~~{YA}~~ did one of those awkward waves, ~~Josh~~ glanced from ~~{YA}~~ to ~~Sam~~ and back. Ohhhh, I see. Okay, well, you and your *friend* have fun on the ride. Then he winked and went back to the podium. Before either of them could say anything, they were ushered to their spots for loading onto the ride. [[WEE!!]]

How did you find all of the things you're interested in? ~~{YA}~~ asked ~~Sam~~ as they rounded a corner into a tight hallway. Normally, she would have felt self-conscious about having this sort of conversation with this many people squeezed in all around her, but she'd been here five days now, she was desensitized. I don't know, I guess, I didn't sit down and think, Okay, time to figure out my interests! I just follow the throughline, one thing I like leads to the next thing, and the next, and the next. Hm, ~~{YA}~~ thought about this. But, how do you find the next thing? Okay, let's say we're talking about...I don't know, a movie I guess. Let's say you have a movie you really love, you could pick one of the actors and find other stuff they're in, or find other ones directed by the same person, and do the same for that next one, and on and on. If you're inspired by something, then ask, what was the inspiration for this thing? And then, what was the inspiration for *that*. See what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. This...you really never thought of it that way? Honestly, no. I mean, sure, I've watched a bunch of movies with the same actors in it because I recognize them, but I haven't really dug into the stuff I like, maybe. Yeah, if you're looking for more interests, you gotta start with what you already like. The next thing is already there, you just have to look at it. They finally turned the last corner, the boarding area was in sight now and moving fast. Why do you sound so wise? We're the same age and I feel like you know way more about the world than me. Well, I am actually a year older, after all. [[GET IN THE CAR]]

Ow. Yeah, my neck hurts. That bit at the end almost looks real, it's so cool. I wonder how they did it. Ah ha! A fledgling interest, perhaps?? ~~{YA}~~ laughed and playfully shoved ~~Sam~~, maybe! They walked for a little while, enjoying the festive atmosphere the evening was lending to everything, when ~~{YA}~~ spotted a group of familiar faces through the crowd. Oh shit! There's my family! ~~Sam~~ snorted, wait, where?! ~~{YA}~~ pointed in their direction as she ducked behind a large plant. ~~Sam~~ followed suit, and they both peered through the glossy leaves. Jesus, that's so many people, ~~Sam~~ muttered. Tell me about it. I don't want to have to stop and chat with them, they'll ask me a zillion questions. I can't say I'm super interested in talking to them either. They're going to walk right past us though, so we gotta go somewhere else. Hm, how about the treehouse? Perfect!! [[TREEHOUSE]]

This place is honestly really cool, I'd live in a treehouse like this, ~~{YA}~~ observed as they climbed the steps up to the main floor. What, no electricity or running water or plumbing sounds fun to you? There's running water! She protested, pointing at the waterfall that had been routed to flow through the middle of the treehouse. Hm, was all ~~Sam~~ said in response. There they are! Here, duck down, ~~{YA}~~ whispered. I don't think they can hear you up here, ~~Sam~~ faux-whispered. You don't know my ~~mom~~. The two of them weren't hiding very well though, mostly because they didn't think that anyone in ~~{YA}'s~~ family would be looking straight up, but they had forgotten about the ~~kids~~ in the strolllers. Hey, look! It's ~~{YA}~~!!! Hi ~~{YA}~~!! Her cousin screamed, making the heads of every member of her family (except her ~~grandpa~~, who wasn't paying attention) snap in her direction. ~~Charlotte~~ saw her ~~daughter~~, yelled, Hello up there! How's the view? GOOD! She yelled back. WHO'S YOUR FRIEND? Her ~~uncle~~ yelled next. ~~Sam~~ was still standing half out of view, not anxious to have any sort of yelled conversation her new ~~friend's~~ family. ~~SAM~~! ~~{YA}~~ called back. OOOOOoooooo, her ~~uncle~~ replied, ARE YOU ON A DATE????? ~~{YA}~~ blushed intensely, date?!, how do I respond to that?? Oh, leave her alone ~~Michael~~, ~~Charlotte~~ reached over and smacked her ~~brother~~, bother your own ~~kids~~. Then she turned back to her ~~daughter~~, don't worry, we're going now! Have fun! Use the walkie talkie!!!!! [[DATE?]]

At the end of the ride, right before the flash comes for the picture, ~~{YA}~~ felt ~~Sam~~ touch the back of her head for a moment, then the car jerked around the last corner and they pulled their hand back. Did you do bunny ears on me?? ~~{YA}~~ demanded, twisting underneath the lap bar to try and look at ~~Sam's~~ face. ....of course not, they grinned. Back at the platform, unfolding cramped limbs and sore backs, they waved goodbye at ~~Josh~~ who called, HAVE FUN ON YOUR DATE ~~SAM~~! [[ DATE??]]

~~{YA}~~ thinks quickly, is this a date? Do I want it to be a date? [[...NO]] [[...YES]]

Walking out of the building, ~~Sam~~ elbowed ~~{YA}~~ don't worry about ~~Josh~~, he said the same thing when I brought my ~~sister~~ here. The kid is clueless. [[THAT'S FUNNY]]

~~Friends~~ can be such monsters, jeez, ~~Sam~~ said, laughing a little. Yeah... us... on a date... ~~{YA}~~ added, grasping for the right words to ask, Do you think that we're on a date? Eventually, she gave up, asked exactly that, do you think we're on a date? ~~Sam~~ stopped walking, their face grew very red, said, uh, well, you know...it...uh... ~~{YA}~~ felt a wave of embarassment wash over her, no, I uh, that's fine. I'm not saying that I only wanted to hang out because I thought it was a date, I didn't really, you know, think about it until he said it so it's FINE if you don't want it to be because before we were... you know...just hanging out, and I'm leaving tomorrow anyway so maybe we should just go on another ride and then we, uh,...She started to walk faster as she kept talking and talking and didn't realize that she was rapidly leaving ~~Sam~~ behind, who then had to run a little to catch up. Hey, wait for me! Let me respond! ~~{YA}~~ stopped, turned toward ~~Sam~~ but didn't look them in the eye, I'm just trying to get to the next ride! That's all! I was just going to say that that's what I thought the whole time, I probably should have brought flowers or something. ~~{YA}~~ felt herself blush hotly, no, I'm not really a flowers-on-the-first-date kind of person. Is that so? ~~Sam~~ continued smirking, well, that's good to know. Now, should we do the canyon ride? I think I've got one more in me before I should get out of here. But, after that, maybe we should go get some real food? There's a taco place I like to go to on my way home. Unless you need to catch up with your family. No, I don't. Tacos sound great. Let's do one more and then go, ~~{YA}~~ agreed, trying to hide her smile but failing. [[JUST ONE MORE]]

Now, should we do the canyon ride? I think I've got one more in me before I should get out of here. If you want to walk part of the way home with me, I can take you to a good place for some food though! ~~{YA}~~ felt the uneasiness in her stomach from eating only candy for the last chunk of the day, that sounds great. [[ONE MORE]]

~~{YA}~~ thinks quickly, is this a date? Do I want it to be a date? [[..NO]] [[..YES]]

That was a close call, ~~Sam~~ sighed, after the ~~family~~ had moved on. I do not want to meet thirty-seven people right now, ha. ~~{YA}~~ smiled and rolled her eyes, it's just, like, seventeen people. Same difference. Now, should we do the canyon ride? I think I've got one more in me before I should get out of here. If you want to walk part of the way home with me, I can take you to a good place for some food though! ~~{YA}~~ felt the uneasiness in her stomach from eating only candy for the last chunk of the day, that sounds great. [[ONE MORE]]

~~Uncles~~ can be such monsters, ~~Sam~~ said, laughing. Yeah, he can be so embarassing... ~~{YA}~~ agreed, blushing. But, it sounds like it's out of our hands, this must be a date! I probably should have brought flowers or something. ~~{YA}~~ felt herself blush even more hotly, no, I'm not really a flowers-on-the-first-date kind of person. Hm, ~~Sam~~ continued smirking, well, that's good to know. Now, should we do the canyon ride? I think I've got one more in me before I should get out of here. But, after that, maybe we should go get some real food? There's a taco place I like to go to on my way home. Unless you need to catch up with your family. No, I don't. Tacos sound great. Let's do one more and then go, ~~{YA}~~ agreed, trying to hide her smile but failing. [[JUST ONE MORE]]

The canyon ride was the best at night, everybody knew that, which is why the line was kind of long. They spent the time discussing summer plans, toying with ideas for road trips, meeting halfway, convincing other friends to pool together for a hotel somewhere. Well, I don't have a car, do you? No, ~~{YA}~~ admitted. Maybe I could borrow a car though. Then you could just drive here, stay as long as you want, and then we would have car to use while you were here. There's so much stuff we could do, but a lot of it is just outside of the city, so a car would be really helpful. You don't know anyone with a car? They crept a little ways forward in the line, found some scratchy rocks to sit on. Well, I *do* but I doubt any of them would let me borrow their car. Why? It's possible that there have been some incidents. Totally not-my-fault incidents. ~~{YA}~~ snorted, sure. It's true! Someone hit ME and then the other time it was just that I parked somewhere I wasn't supposed to be there wasn't a SIGN that said that so how was I supposed to KNOW and the other time-- Okay, so, if I drive here, you don't get to drive the car I bring. UGH! ~~Sam~~ groaned, I'm actually a really safe driver!!! I'm just unlucky!!! Mhm. I swear! [[GET ON THE RIDE]]

The canyon ride was the best at night, everybody knew that, which is why the line was kind of long. They spent the time discussing summer plans, toying with ideas for road trips, meeting halfway, convincing other friends to pool together for a hotel somewhere. Well, I don't have a car, do you? No, ~~{YA}~~ admitted. Maybe I could borrow a car though. Then you could just drive here, stay as long as you want, and then we would have car to use while you were here. There's so much stuff we could do, but a lot of it is just outside of the city, so a car would be really helpful. You don't know anyone with a car? They crept a little ways forward in the line, found some scratchy rocks to sit on. Well, I *do* but I doubt any of them would let me borrow their car. Why? It's possible that there have been some incidents. Totally not-my-fault incidents. ~~{YA}~~ snorted, sure. It's true! Someone hit ME and then the other time it was just that I parked somewhere I wasn't supposed to be but there wasn't a SIGN that said that so how was I supposed to KNOW and the other time-- Okay, so, if I drive here, you don't get to drive the car I bring. UGH! ~~Sam~~ groaned, I'm actually a really safe driver!!! I'm just unlucky!!! Mhm. I swear! [[GO ON THE RIDE]]

I could also take the train to you, and we could do whatever stuff you normally do in your town. Anywhere with less tourists than here sounds like paradise to me, ~~Sam~~ was saying as they climbed into their shared car. The ~~park employee~~ pushed the lap bar down, pulled up on it to test that it was secure, and then waved at the other ~~park employee~~ at the control podium who pushed the GO button. That would be so fun, there's tons to do in my town but I haven't done most of it because I never really have anyone to go with. Then, it's settled, I'll go to you and we won't even worry about the car thing! The ride picked up speed now, ducking into a tunnel, and the already dim light disappeared. The faux-cave was completely dark, aside from some barely blacklight-lit props squeaking in the blackness. Little scittering noises were playing over a speaker somewhere and ~~{YA}~~ remembered what her ~~mom~~ always did to her on this part of this ride. [[TICKLE THE BACK OF ~~SAM'S~~ NECK AND SAY, AH SPIDER!!]]

Quickly and steathily, ~~{YA}~~ reached her hand back and found the bare skin at the back of ~~Sam's~~ neck. AH, SPIDERS!! AHHHGH! ~~Sam~~ shrieked, then, immediately realizing what was going on, added, ~~{YA}~~!!! She giggled to herself the rest of the way up to the big drop. [[GOODBYE DINNER]]

Thanks to the firework show, it took them a while to weave through the crowds to get to the exit. People were stopping in the walkways, temporarily distracted by the sparks in the sky, pausing just for a few moments before they began walking again, not watching where they were going or for anyone who might be trying to go around them. It was tedious. [[WALK ]]

I could also take the train to you, and we could do whatever stuff you normally do in your town. Anywhere with less tourists than here sounds like paradise to me, ~~Sam~~ was saying as they climbed into their shared car. The ~~park employee~~ pushed the lap bar down, pulled up on it to test that it was secure, and then waved at the ~~park employee~~ at the control podium who pushed the GO button. That would be so fun, there's tons to do in my town but I haven't done most of it because I never really have anyone to go with. Then, it's settled, I'll go to you and we won't even worry about the car thing! The ride picked up speed now, ducking into a tunnel, and the already dim light disappeared. The faux-cave was completely dark, aside from some barely blacklight-lit props squeaking in the blackness. Little skittering, bug noises were playing over a speaker somewhere. [[TICKLE THE BACK OF ~~SAM'S~~ NECK AND SAY, AH SPIDER!!]] [[...DO SOMETHING BRAVE?]]

Oh man, it's pretty dark, should she really? What if that's not at all what ~~Sam~~ is thinking? But, what if it is? [[KISS?]] [[NO, NOT YET]]

Okay, here goes nothing.... [[KISS]] [[CHICKEN OUT]]

Back out into the night, after the dark tunnel. ~~{YA}~~ felt her chest squeeze with annoyance at herself, but she tried to put it out of her mind and enjoy the lights decorating the scenery around her. Near the end of the ride, the first firework of the night lit up the sky. [[DINNER]]

**!** [[OUT OF THE DARK]]

The cars rocketed out of the tunnel, and ~~{YA}~~ saw that ~~Sam~~ was grinning at her, equal parts surprise and glee. She let out a breath of relief, and grinned widely back. [[TIME FOR TACOS]]

Thanks to the firework show, it took them a while to weave through the crowds to get to the exit. People everywhere were stopped in the walkways, temporarily distracted by the sparks in the sky, pausing just for a few moments before they began walking again, not watching where they were going or for anyone who might be trying to go around them. It was tedious. ~~{YA}~~ didn't notice though, because as soon as they had waded into the first huge clump, ~~Sam~~, who was leading the way, reached back for her hand. That was pretty much all she was thinking about as they exited the park. [[BACK TO REALITY]]

Even the loud sounds of the city, buses stopping and going, cars honking and speeding by, the occcasional siren, all of it seemed quiet in comparison to the theme park. ~~{YA}~~ took it all in, the feel of the air, the haziness of the city skyline which revealed only electric lights, no stars, no moon, ~~Sam's~~ hand in hers, the general buzz in her body. It's not a long walk to the taco place. You're going to love it. I go there anytime I'm working late, when I know I'm going to be too tired to cook back at home. I think they're starting to recognize me there, which I like. They walked awhile then ~~Sam~~ glanced at ~~{YA}~~, asked, are you excited to go home? Hm, she thought about it, I'm excited to not be spending twenty-four hours of every day with my family. I'm excited to be back, doing my normal stuff. I'm excited to push myself a little more, at making friends and stuff. But, you know, I'm not excited that we won't get to hang out. Until summer! Yeah, ~~{YA}~~ smiled, until summer. I'm going to start making a list of all the things I want to show you as soon as I get back. [[TACO PLACE]]

Even the loud sounds of the city, buses stopping and going, cars honking and speeding by, the occcasional siren, all of it seemed quiet in comparison to the theme park. ~~{YA}~~ took it all in, the feel of the air, the haziness of the city skyline which revealed only electric lights, no stars, no moon, ~~Sam's~~ hand in hers, the general buzz in her body. It's not a long walk to the taco place. You're going to love it. I go there anytime I'm working late, when I know I'm going to be too tired to cook back at home. I think they're starting to recognize me there, which I like. ~~Sam~~ glanced at ~~{YA}~~, asked, are you excited to go home? Hm, she thought about it, I'm excited to not be spending twenty-four hours of every day with my family. I'm excited to be back, doing my normal stuff. I'm excited to push myself a little more, at making friends and stuff. But, you know, I'm not excited that we won't get to hang out. Until summer! Yeah, ~~{YA}~~ smiled, until summer. I'm going to start making a list of all the things I want to show you as soon as I get back. [[TACO PLACE ]]

A perfectly grungy little place, a lighthouse on the corner of a couple of dim, neighborhood blocks, the door propped open with a box, music and sounds of things sizzling on a grill floating out into the night. ~~{YA}~~ breathed it in, wondered what sorts of places were hiding in her own town that she had never stumbled upon, made a note to find out, and followed ~~Sam~~ inside. It was one of those places with a short menu hung up on the wall, surrounded by a bunch of mismatched, handwritten signs adding specials and lunch deals, and she had no idea what she should order. If you want, ~~Sam~~ said, I can just order a bunch of stuff and we can share? Is there anything you definitely want? She shook her head, anything. I'm starving. Cool, okay, go ahead and grab a table then, I've got this. Grab the soda you want out of the fridge first though. She followed these directions and found a table by the window. She retrieved her pen, the one stolen from her ~~grandpa~~, and doodled on a napkin. When ~~Sam~~ sat down, they asked, whatcha drawing? Just doodling. Here, it's you on the train, coming to see me this summer, she turned the napkin for ~~Sam~~ to see. They laughed, added a quote bubble and made it say, THE RUMOURS ABOUT ME BEING A BAD DRIVER ARE NOT TRUUUUUEEE!! They both laughed. [[FOOD]]

This is insanely good, ~~{YA}~~ said, mouth full, so ~~Sam~~ said, what did you say?, with their mouth also full, which made ~~{YA}~~ say, huh?? Which made them both laugh. ~~{YA}~~ swallowed, I said this is insanely good. Oh, yeah, I know. I love it here. [[GUESS THIS IS IT]]

Even the loud sounds of the city, the bus stopping and going, cars honking and speeding by, the occcasional siren, all of it seemed quiet in comparison to the theme park. ~~{YA}~~ took it all in, the feel of the air, the haziness of the city skyline which revealed only electric lights, no stars, no moon, the general buzz in her body. It's not a long walk to the taco place. You're going to love it. I go there anytime I'm working late, when I know I'm going to be too tired to cook back at home. I think they're starting to recognize me there, which I like. ~~Sam~~ glanced at ~~{YA}~~, asked, are you excited to go home? Hm, she thought about it, I'm excited to not be spending twenty-four hours of every day with my family. I'm excited to be back, doing my normal stuff. I'm excited to push myself a little more, at making friends and stuff. But, you know, I'm not excited that we won't get to hang out. Until summer! Yeah, ~~{YA}~~ smiled, until summer. I'm going to start making a list of all the things I want to show you as soon as I get back. [[TACOS]]

Okay, I guess this is it? ~~{YA}~~ asked, standing outside of the taco place. Well, I changed my mind, I'll walk you back and then I'll get on a bus home. They smiled at each other and started walking. [[BUS STOP]]

Guess this is it, ~~{YA}~~ said, I'll remember to send you any zines I find back at school. And I'll be sending some mixtapes your way, ~~Sam~~ smiled, AND you should call me when you get back so we can plan this summer. I definitely will. ~~{YA}~~ wasn't very practiced at saying goodbye to people, not this sort of goodbye at least, but ~~Sam~~ was unflappable, easy-going, and made it less awkward. Good luck with the ~~family~~ on the way home, you'll have to let me know what weird food your ~~grandma~~ brings on to the plane! They parted ways, but when ~~Sam~~ was a little ways down the block, they turned and yelled, DON'T FORGET TO CALL!! I WON'T!! ~~{YA}~~ yelled back, before making her way back to the hotel. She thought about playing some pinball, but it wouldn't be as much fun alone, so she just went up to the room. One more day. All she was thinking about was getting back home, about wading into the world again and again. [[FIN]]

Are you going to go back into the park? Nah, I'm going back to the hotel. I don't really want to try to track down my ~~family~~. They might already be there, honestly. Okay, cool. They were walking slowly, taking their time, but they didn't have much to say to fill the time. With a goodbye fast approaching, it made things a little strange. I'll remember to send you any zines I find back at school. And I'll be sending some mixtapes your way, ~~Sam~~ smiled, AND you should call me when you get back so we can plan this summer. I definitely will. I gave you the number to my dorm though, right, in case you want to call too? Yeah, I have it in my wallet. They made it to the bus stop. I'll wait here with you, ~~{YA}~~ said, until the bus comes. [[WAIT FOR THE BUS]]

Just as it pulled up, just as the two of them let a flash of sadness cross their faces, they heard someone yell, ~~{YA}~~!! Turning toward the sound, they found ~~{YA}'s~~ ~~family~~, across the street waiting for the light to change. Oh jeez, ~~Sam~~ said, also aware that the ~~bus driver~~ was staring impatiently at them, I guess you gotta go. ~~{YA}~~ looked at her ~~family~~, all staring at her questioningly, said, yeah, but one thing first. [[KISS ~~SAM~~ GOODBYE]]

It was fast, she was nervous after all, but ~~Sam's~~ surprised smile afterward made her heart leap. I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET BACK, she yelled back at them as she ran to the intersection to wait for her ~~family~~. ~~{YA}~~ felt her own smile click something into place within her. Here she was, choosing, acting, living, certainly not just watching her own life pass her by. [[FIN]]

She got to her room, buried herself beneath the covers, laid there in the darkness. Eyes open, seeing nothing. [[NO]]

~~Right-Lou~~ glares at the ~~Lou~~ in the mirror. Who said I was asking for everything! I'm only asking that my ~~family~~ LOOK at me, really SEE me, and not demand that I CHANGE. I think that's the BARE-FUCKING-MINIMUM that I want for MY STORY. I don't want everything! I could deal with anything else from them if I just had that!! She feels herself vibrating with rage, a strange and frightening feeling that she makes no effort to check, instead she lets it guide her, lets it thrust her arms into the mirror, helps her clutch ~~Left-Lou~~ by both her shoulders and fling her out of the mirror. For a moment, they stare at each other on the same side of the mirror, and then ~~Right-Lou~~ lifts one grimy tennis shoe onto the sinks edge and launches her body through the mirror, not tempted for even a split-second to look behind. Over her shoulder, she shouts at ~~Left-Lou~~, IF YOU WANT TO PLAY THAT GAME SO BAD, THEN DO IT!, then heads for the bathroom door, realizes that the walkie taklie is still in her pocket, plucks it out and throws it back throught the mirror, then goes back to ~~Ruth's~~ table. [[RUTH]]