crossroads reworking

Ragged howls burst from your lungs. A flock of birds startles into flight. Everything will startle from you after this. Maybe it should. The tears come hot and quick and fierce.\n\n[[look down]]

She sighs. "It depends on the monster."\n\n[[agree willingly]]\n[[agree reluctantly]]\n[[refuse|Walk away 2]]

"You made a bargain with a witch. I never said it would be fair."\n\nYou know the stories about witches well enough. It's why you came here. Your hands are tied.\n\n<<timedgoto "accept" 6s>>

You find yourself lingering in Yasmeen's kitchen, sipping awkwardly at a drink you don't really want. \n\nYou catch yourself looking over your shoulder reflexively for a flash of white, or a glimpse of dark hair. You don't see <<print $ghostgender1>> again the rest of the evening. \n\nStill, you make an effort: you hover at the edges of conversations, try to drop in an offhand remark during a lull every once in a while, but no one rises to the bait. \n\n[[as always]]

You've carried it so long.<<set $confession3 to prompt("Write it down:"," ")>>\n\nNo more paper. Nothing more to confess. You clutch the small dead scraps in your hand and look to the [[tree|fire]].

You don't have the patience for this. It's already gnawing at you, blurring your resistance to a soft haze. As much as you might want to sink your teeth into their supple neck, tear that fragile vein until it gouts hot blood over your face and theirs, close at last -\n\nNo. You push past him, the feel of his body against yours only making the hunger clamor louder. The dance floor is a potential slaughter. You [[break]] for the freedom of the alley -

You come back to the clearing. Your mouth is still full of blood.\n\n[[spit]]

Her voice //has// gotten more <<if $mother eq "concerned">>worried<<else if $mother eq "frustrated">>upset<<else if $mother eq "indifferent">>removed<<endif>> lately. You haven't known what to say to fix it, so you've been [[silent|mother memory]].

You approach the stream, bend your face towards the pool. The trails of light on your hands cast whorls into the water, forming patterns that blossom and dissipate in moments. One stirs a pang of recognition.\n\n[[a pair of - fangs?]] They glint sharp in the light.\n[[a hand?]] Its fingers have crumbled and rotted.\n[[the slightest sheen]] So insubstantial it might not have been there.

A <<cyclinglink "young" "middle aged" "weary">> face. <<cyclinglink "Tired" "Dark" "Weary" "Red-rimmed">> eyes. Every familiar line and blemish and mistake, there for you to see. But then - \n\nSomething [[shines]] through your skin, a faint glow.

"You can come back and tend the clearing, if you like, Makes no difference to me. But maybe it will to you."\n\n[[Yes.]] You have to try.\n[[Yes.|Yes. 2]] You owe them that much.\n[[No.]] You can't bear it.\n[[No.|No. 2]] It isn't your responsibility.

Your laugh sounds harsh and false to your own ears, rusty from disuse. No one seems to notice anything's off. You wish they would. Anything.\n\nNothing. [[As always|wait for a different opening]].

You've lived too long to hope. <<timedgoto "zombiepool" 4s >>

She waves her hand impatiently. "They won't be lost if you take your eyes from the light, you know. You'll see them everywhere now you've broken through. Besides, you can't stay here much longer." Her look is sharp. It's an order.\n\n[[ok|Turn back to the woods]]

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They stood by you after the disappearance, when the rest of your circle cast suspicious looks at you at parties, stopped inviting you to drinks. They insisted they'd been the last to see your missing friend, that they were sure of your innocence.<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He stood by you after the disappearance, when the rest of your circle cast suspicious looks at you at parties, stopped inviting you to drinks. He insisted he'd been the last to see your missing friend, that he was sure of your innocence.<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She stood by you after the disappearance, when the rest of your circle cast suspicious looks at you at parties, stopped inviting you to drinks. She insisted they'd been the last to see your missing friend, that she was sure of your innocence.<<endif>>\n\nAnd then this [[happened]].

Your head crests the surface. You'd acclimated to the cold, and now the warm air reminds you what you've lost. Muscles cramp. You can't feel your fingers.\nEnough. [[Enough.|Capitulate]]

You come back to yourself, in the clearing. You are screaming. What must be hundreds of birds, starlings and jackdaws and rooks and crows, have taken flight in alarm. They blot out the moonlight. The witch watches, unperturbed.\n\n"You'll have to look again."\n\nYou'd guessed. The knowledge doesn't make the prospect any more desirable.\n\n[[look|Look 2]]

<<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He's<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She's<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They're<<endif>> talking animatedly on the phone, as if <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he doesn't<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she doesn't<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they don't<<endif>> notice you're there. You wish that surprised you more. <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He sounds<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She sounds<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They sound<<endif>> <<cyclinglink $mentor "annoyed" "concerned" "indifferent">>.\n\n[[try to make out the words|try mentor]]\n

She nods. "Again and again." Her mouth is set. "Until something changes. You'll know. I won't."\n\nShe pauses, and looks as though she thinks better of it -\n\n"I did this too, once, you know."\n\n[["Really?"]]\n[["Did it work?"]]

She nods solemnly. "That's all right. You've borne a great deal. And you'll bear it still, out in the world. Your penance is done."\n\n[[(is it)|Turn back to the woods]]

You flick the spiral of the lighter. The flame leaps to attention. Eager. Hungry.\n\nThere's something at the center of it. <<replace "Look closer.">> <<cyclinglink "A sword" "A chalice" "A hand" "A bird">>, burning white. <<endreplace>>\n\nSlowly, almost reverently, you touch the tip of the flickering light to the paper.\n\n[[consume]]

<<set $face to "girl">>Her throat so thick with grief she can't speak, can't swallow. Your own throat closes with hers. She presses her forehead against the cool tile of the hospital wall, letting hot tears finally spill over. She was too late, you somehow know. Just five more minutes, if she'd just left earlier, hadn't missed that turn, had sped up at that yellow - \n\nAnd now she'll never get to say [[goodbye|until glen]].

"Hey..." <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They're<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She's<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He's<<endif>> clearly uncomfortable. You thought you were friends; you'd <<cyclinglink "played football" "been at school" "spent hours talking about books" "grown up">> together. What happened to <<print $ghostgender1>>? What happened to you?\n\n[["How have you been?"]]

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He<<endif>> stood by your side, made your excuses for not coming out on nights when the hunger lay heavy on you. Sometimes <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they'd<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she'd<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he'd<<endif>> come by with a pizza and a <<cyclinglink "trashy B-movie" "nostalgic 90s chick flick" "mindless action thriller">> and watch it in silence with you, sprawled out on your couch. <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He<<endif>> never asked too much.\n\nYou swallow. You remember <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>. And what happened [[next|next 2]].

One layer of brightness. The one underneath it sears even brighter. Every lie you've ever told. Everything you've ever wanted to believe about yourself. The light crawls, a fractal pattern of your own construction. All the selves you've tried to build up, to keep you out.\n\n[[break through]]

There's a twisted branch on the ground. You bend to grasp it in one fluid motion, bringing it down on the head of the snake. The mouse skitters off into the undergrowth. It whines in pain and outrage, as if it hadn't expected this from //you//. Yellow eyes glare at you accusingly. You're the same.\n\nThe witch looks at you. "Are you all right?"\n\n[["I'm fine."]]\n[["A bit shaken."]]\n[["What just happened - "]]

Evidently <<if $exgender eq "He">>he<<else if $exgender eq "She">>she<<else if $exgender eq "They">>they<<endif>> hadn't felt the way you did.\n\n(Weren't //you// [[enough]]?)

"Are you sure? You'll never know if you could have resolved it. But if it's too much..."\n\n[[you're sure|you're sure 2]]\n[[go back|go back 2]]

"Are you sure? You'll never know if you could have mastered it. But if it's too much..."\n\n[[you're sure|you're sure 3]]\n[[go back|go back 3]]

The water laps at your waist. A shock of cold pierces through you. The night air feels impossibly warm.\n[[deeper]]

The paper turns to ashes in seconds. Regrets and sins consumed in moments.\n\n[[If only]]\n[[Let them go]]

You wake up in <<cyclinglink $location "your own bed" "a white-walled hospital room" "an unfamiliar bedroom">>. Another part of you is missing. It's been happening long enough that you're not surprised. It might hurt, if you hadn't lost the ability to measure your pain somewhere along the way.\n\n[[get up]]

Try to focus. Try to think. What is it you've lost, this time?\n\n[[your heart]]\n[[your hands]]\n[[your skin]]

"Does it count as an experience if it cannot be processed in the way that we usually categorize events?" The corners of her mouth turn down. "I'm not sure it does. Experience involves recognition, understanding, reflection. Death involves none of that."\n\n[["Maybe you're right."]]\n[["It's an event people undergo - that's an experience."]]\n[["You sound very sure."]]\n

She shrugs. "Perhaps not. Would the earthquake have happened if you had not sought absolution? Well." Her eyes glint in the moonlight. "Responsibility is a tricky thing, isn't it? Still, what matters is how you consider the situation."\n\n<<timedgoto "Turn back to the woods" 15s>>

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They look<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She looks<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He looks<<endif>> unconvinced. "If you say so. But you've been moody and hard to talk to. I know you well enough to know when something's bothering you."\n\nRage courses through you. <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They //don't//<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She //doesn't//<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He //doesn't//<<endif>> know you. <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They don't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She doesn't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He doesn't<<endif>> know what's inside of you.\n\nYou stand up abruptly. A bit of the bitter porter sloshes over the lip. "I need some air."\n\n[[escape]]

You hadn't thought <<if $exgender eq "He">>he<<else if $exgender eq "She">>she<<else if $exgender eq "They">>they<<endif>> felt that way about you. You'd been through so much together. You'd shared [[weekends away]], let <<if $exgender eq "He">>him<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>them<<endif>> [[stay with you]] when <<if $exgender eq "He">>his<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>their<<endif>> apartment flooded. <<if $exgender eq "He">>He'd<<else if $exgender eq "She">> She'd<<else if $exgender eq "They">>They'd<<endif>> picked you up at the [[airport]] after midnight when your flight was delayed. You had a standing Friday night pizza-and-terrible-movies date and played trivia on Tuesday evenings sometimes.\n\nThings weren't [[perfect]], but [[nothing is]].

"A way to live with what you are. It's worked before." She doesn't elaborate.\n\n[[agree willingly]]\n[[agree reluctantly]]\n[[ask what happens when it doesn't]]\n[[refuse|Walk away 2]]

"I'll warn you to be responsible, and to be kind. If you misuse this power, it will be your curse."\n\nHer eyes blaze with that same light for a moment. Universes bud and bloom and wither in her sclerae.\n\n"I know a bit about curses."\n\n[[okay|Turn back to the woods]]

The cold bites into you, the rage and hunger a dull throb. You didn't hurt <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>. You're alone with yourself.\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>But it isn't real. You're not really in this alley. You're back in the [[clearing]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

"It will take some time." Her voice is not unkind. "All things worth having do. But you'll need to let it work in the world."\n\n<<timedgoto "Turn back to the woods" 15s>>

"By that definition of experience, yes." She sighs. "I don't believe it's that simple. Perhaps it is. Either way, it will be yours alone."\n\nYou keep [[walking|to the location]] in silence, only broken by the occasional snap of a twig.

She's cross-legged on the sofa, all <<cyclinglink $flingadjective "pantherine grace" "comfortable solidity" "sharp angles">>. You know her better than most of the people you've seen tonight. An interloper touches her shoulder, takes her offered empty glass before disappearing in the direction of the kitchen. Now's your chance.\n\nYou make your way over. Though the living room is full, bodies part to make space for you without noticing your presence, without brushing up against you or nodding. Your skin aches for contact.\n\n"Hey." Her eyes are <<cyclinglink "dark" "bright" "laughing" "inscrutable">>, but she smiles as she greets you.\n\n[["You look good."]] \n[["It's been a while."]] \n[["I didn't know you knew Yasmeen."]]

She raises an eyebrow at you. "Practical, aren't you? And maybe a bit ruthless. Well. I won't worry about you in these woods."\n\nShe tucks your offering into her shapeless - dress? cloak? you aren't sure. It rustles around her feet as the relentless chirp of crickets reaches a fevered height. She pays no heed, only continues [[on|on start]].

The water sears your skin. Numbs your flesh. You can't tell where you begin anymore.\n\n[[take a breath|Take a breath]]

Shivering in the cold, exhausted from delayed and canceled flights and the interminable interstitial space of airport gate areas, your face softened when <<if $exgender eq "He">>his<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>their<<endif>> Ford Focus pulled up to the curb, and all you wanted to do was go [[home|ex memory]] with <<if $exgender eq "He">>him<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>them<<endif>>.

She leads you through an overgrown wood, the sweet smell of rot just lingering. There is no sound but the rustle of leaves - are those leaves? - and the whisper of the wind - is that the wind? She does not turn to look back at you.\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>At last, you arrive at a [[fork]].<<endtimedinsert>>

Cat Manning

The witch turns an appraising eye on you. "Curious, aren't you? Well, I suppose you'd have to be, with your request." She looks upwards, into the branches. That strange light - it can't be moonlight, it's far too luminous - casts shadows over her cheekbones. Her face is half hidden.\n\n"I remember my death." Her tone is conversational. She could be asking what you'd like for tea. "It was sudden, and it was lonely. And it hurt."\n\n[["You...remember?"]]

"So." You round a bend, the forest floor giving way to a cascade of pebbles and leaves. You focus on finding your footing. "You've heard the stories. No one seeks me out who wants to live." Her voice is mocking.\n\n"What on earth makes you want to risk death to find me?"\n\n[[you can't forgive yourself]]\n[[she's the only thing more frightening than you]]\n[[it's something you haven't tried yet]]

"It happens." Her voice is gentle. "It's the way of the world. That doesn't make it bearable. We endure the best we can, as long as we can. I'm sorry you had to see that - you've had enough, haven't you?"\n\nIt feels very difficult to speak, all of a sudden. You [[continue]] in silence.

The coil twirls upward, dissipates in a high singing hum. Something in your chest cracks open. The light winds its way [[in]].

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>Their <<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>Her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>His<<endif>> grin is easier after that. "It has! I'm glad to see you rejoining the world of the living."\n\nYour own smile strains.\n\nThe bartender slides a pint towards you. You take an experimental sip: a dark porter, a bitter bite. It's not to your taste, but you can't exactly refuse a memory.\n\n<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They raise their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She raises her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He raises his<<endif>> own glass to you. "Cheers, then. To changing."\n\n[["To changing."]]

She nods. "There's infinite promise, there, after all. An entire lifetime."\n\nSomething stirs in her eyes, like dying embers. You don't want to look too closely. Not when there's a world inside you to [[explore|Turn back to the woods]] -

"Good. There are many stories about witches. Very few of them are told by us." She grins; her teeth are white, and very sharp. "I prefer to teach by example."\n\n[[uh|decision]]

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They offer<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She offers<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He offers<<endif>> you a lopsided smile. "Not gonna stop me from trying, though."\n\nMaybe it's the haze of the bitter beer, or the music's inexorable pulse, but that helps, a bit. It doesn't change the fact that you feel like a monster. But you don't feel quite as alone.\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>Of course, it's not real. You're not really in this bar. You're back in the [[clearing]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

It's out in the world, now.<<set $confession2 to prompt("Write another down:"," ")>>\n\nYou have [[one]] more scrap remaining.

It wasn't what you wanted, or what you needed. Or you can't bear the feeling. Whatever has happened to you tonight will be left in the forest.\n\n[[Turn back to the woods]]

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They offer<<endif>> you a quirked smile - part invitation, part challenge - and <<if $vamplovergender eq "they">>gesture<<else>>gestures<<endif>> to the bartender. You already know <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she'll<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he'll<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they'll<<endif>> ask you if you want a drink. This is like watching a film play out inside your head, helpless to stop it or change the reel.\n\n"Hey. Let me get you a drink - whisky, right?" <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> voice is <<cyclinglink $voice "rough" "sweet" "clear" "smug">>.\n\nYou ordered a whisky, you remember. You toasted each other, that sort of promissory oath that hints at tangled bedsheets in the most innocuous words. And then -\n\nYou clear your throat. Maybe you have a choice over how this goes; maybe you don't.\n\n[["Right."]] How much can you really change? It's only in your head.\n[["Actually, I'd rather a beer."]] You want to see how much - if anything - you can affect.\n[["I think I'll pass."]] You don't want to relive this. Not if you can help it.

You don't know that you'll be able to stop yourself. But you want to try.\n\nThe witch's mouth curves up. It might even be a smile. Without a word, her hand moves, like a bird in flight - \n\na glowing sphere bursts from her fingertips, trailing whorls of golden luminescence in the air. The phantasm bobs along happily, darting back and forth between you and the forest.\n\n"It will lead you back out."\n\nThe eager thing darts between the trees.\n\n[[follow|CREDITS]]

It's too new. Even the prickle of the chill setting into your bones feels vital. A chance for nerve endings to spark back to life.\n\nAfter a while, though, the novelty wears off, and you're just shivering in a pond in the middle of a dark forest. Best to [[get out|step from the stream]].

You're back in the glen, their joy and stupefaction still singing in your veins. You blink at the sudden loss of unexpected intimacy. Your gut churns uncomfortably at the thought of being so close to someone else without their knowledge or consent.\n\n"That isn't what you were expecting, I imagine."\n\n[[nope]]

Cool night air. The smell of smoke. You feel new. Clean.\n\nThis will linger, long after the tree is hollowed out into ash, long after new seeds [[sprout|CREDITS]].

She snorts, an indelicate, earthy, vibrant sound. "I doubt I've convinced you. But you'll see soon enough."\n\nYou realize that somewhere, the forest floor has turned bright. Fragments of that strange light are strewn beneath your feet, like glass or gems. You can see your face distorted in them.\n\nYou catch half-finished glimpses of yourself, as you find yourself approaching a radiant [[glen|to the location]].

The path itself twists about, loses its way in bramble-hedges and briar patches, until you feel you've already walked into the maze. Finally, finally, the narrow way widens, revealing a sprawling curve of stone. It stretches out in both directions farther than you can see.\n\nYou turn to the witch, a question in your eyes.\n\n[["Will it be enough?"]]\n[["How vast is it?"]]\n[["Will I be lonely?"]]

No use. There's still more, cobwebs of light clinging to your hands as you plunge them in. \n\n[[untangle]]\n

get away get away get [[away|Alley again]]

The last thing you remember seeing is an awful look of recognition, and then [[nothing]] -

By the end of the evening, you've found yourself in the kitchen, trying valiantly to pretend as if you don't notice at least four people hanging on her every word.\n\nNone of them spare you a second glance. It doesn't surprise you. She didn't want you enough, after all. What do you have to offer her now? What do you have to offer [[anyone|as always]]?

"You have to feel it."\n\nHer voice is soft.\n\n[[let it come|give yourself over to it]]

He snuffles indignantly in your palm, but lets you handle him. He is very warm.<<set $has_hedgehog to 1>>\n\n[[place him on the rock]]

She nods, pleased. "There's a place, not far from here. It will do. While we walk, you'll tell me why you risked coming here. What is it about death that draws you?"\n\nThe moonlight shines through the canopy of trees, casting silver light on both your faces. The branches stretch out above like arms, beckoning you home.\n\nShe looks at you for your answer. Why //are// you seeking this out?\n\n[["Not-experience is an experience in itself: the final one."]]\n[["Annihilation is a siren song."]]\n[["It's the only universal human experience."]]\n[[your reasons are your own]]

A small gap in the trees. A flat rock lies in the middle of the copse, covered in [[moss]]. Flowers, [[purple]] and [[white]], riot over a [[rotting]] log.

You share drink quietly together, answering <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>>\n questions with the barest answers. When the ice clinks at the bottom of your empty glass, <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she looks<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he looks<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they look<<endif>> to you. Silence hangs between you, an unbridgable gulf.\n\n"I should probably go," you say, not meeting their eyes.\n\nYou don't wait for a response before you're on your feet, heading to the [[alley|alley 2]].

Canceled lunches; flimsy excuses for her not come by and see the apartment, which is slowly sinking under dust and empty pizza boxes; phone calls that end with you silent, searching for some bit of bright news you can hold up for her approval. They've taken a [[toll|mother memory]].

It's too much. It's too much. You know where to find her, if you can ever bear it again. But for now, you [[can't|CREDITS]].

You step back hesitantly to the edge of the pond. This time, you're prepared. You hope. You place both hands flat on the surface, so the light-lines meet their mirrors and converge. If they can.\n\nA flash, and then you're [[gone|gone Fangs 2]].

Absolution. Your throat closes on the word. Instead you open your hands, palms up. She looks at you sadly.\n\n"No magic works without a name."\n\n[[say it|Say it]]

"So do you," she offers, after the briefest pause. As if she doesn't notice the dark circles. The dullness of your hair. How your skin's shrinking back from your brittle nails. Still - that's nice of her. She was always nice.\n\n[["How have you been?"|ask]]

You're back in the glen.\n\n"Was that - real?" Your words come out choked.\n\nShe looks at you. "Does it matter?"\n\n[[No|no ghost]]. You saw it; you felt it. It's real enough to you.\n[[Yes|yes ghost]]. A vision is only a phantom. Like you.

You can't hold it, not in your hands. The circle shatters under the pressure of the tangible world. Light streams out in every direction.\n\nIt's beautiful. More beautiful than the sphere, perfect and inviolate. Everything is dusted with gold for a moment - and then it's gone. But it was real. Whatever that means, in this strange space.\n\n[[...|light]]

She takes your hand in her own. The geometries of her skin feel impossible. The lines on her palm are worn straight to the bone. The folds of her flesh tesseract, lifetimes hidden from you.\n\nTogether, you make your way to the fairy pool.\n\n"We'll look in together, this time."\n\n[[gaze|gaze]]

You're sprawled on a riverbank you don't recognize, in a city that doesn't exist. You dreamed it once when you were eight, that summer your father read you //One Thousand and One Nights//, and wove a different story of the city every evening.\n\nNot Baghdad: he said that Baghdad wasn't his to describe, but that Los Angeles was. Los Angeles, where he'd spent his childhood, where you'd never been. He told you about the red brick library with the wandering ghost, the vacant lots where the Black Death still lurked in the soil. He told you about the blonde model who would spend her days cruising down the Sunset Strip in a pink Corvette, beneath the giant billboards of herself smiling beatifically down on the city, and the year she ran for governor. He told you about the Roman villa overlooking the Pacific, and how the man who imagined it into being died before he laid eyes on the sprawling property.\n\nHis descriptions sparked your imagination. You didn't dream of Los Angeles that summer, though, not of any of the landmarks he painted so vividly. Instead, you dreamed of infinite castles and towns and sprawling metropolitan grids, always new, always there when you [[closed your eyes]].

How long will you have to linger here alone? The coven gave you specific instructions. Go to the woods, bring some sort of offering. Lavender or sage, they suggested. Light a candle; she'll smell the smoke. They looked worried as they told you. As if they didn't want any part of this. As if they too might die for helping you.\n\nYou bought a candle at the co-op next to the coffeeshop where they meet these days. The girl at the register wouldn't meet your gaze.\n\nYou drew the salt circle, went [[widdershins]] three times, just as they said. You've been waiting, watching the flame. Your joints are stiff and numb.\n\nA sudden [[rustle|rustle start]] from behind you.

The water ripples. There is no breeze. The air is cool and still. Slowly, your hands move on their own.\n\nYour garments fall. Your feet carry you ever closer to the water.\n\n[[step in]]

The stone has been knocked loose by a scuffle. A snake chasing a mouse. Nature's ineluctable design.\n\nThe snake rears, about to strike. The mouse cowers, frozen.\n\n[[do nothing]]\n[[step between them]]\n[[pick up the mouse]]\n[[strike the snake]]

<<set $face to "person">>Their face is open, shock plastered across it. A room, covered floor to ceiling with canvases splashed with neon acrylics: intricate, intimate portraits of themselves, of others, just as open and raw as the look on their face. A letter in their hands. You can make out some of it, below the fold.\n\n"delighted to offer you a place in our progam" ... "graduates have gone on to exhibit their work at galleries such as" ... "in addition, a stipend covering tuition costs as well as room and board". Their heart [[jumps|until]] under their skin, hammering at tissue and bone.

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They offer<<endif>> you that rakish grin. "Picked a bad place for it, didn't you?" You don't return the smile.\n\n"Listen, there's something I have to get off my chest." <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> expression sobers dutifully; <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They lean<<endif>> forward, attentive.\n\n[["I'm capable of terrible things."]]\n[["I'm a monster."]]\n[["I've killed people."]]

An enigmatic smile plays across her lips. "The universe is vast and complicated. But I understand your argument. Perhaps soon you'll understand mine."\n\nYou realize that somewhere, the forest floor has turned bright. Fragments of that strange light are strewn beneath your feet, like glass or gems. You can see your face distorted in them.\n\nYou catch half-finished glimpses of yourself, as you find yourself approaching a radiant [[glen|to the location]].

The blood is still sluggish. Still warm, for a while longer. You've lived this moment in your dreams before. Your stomach turns. But you bend down anyways.\n\nThe hiss. The slurping sound. You still can't look at their face.\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>You feel [[sated|sated 2]]. You wish you didn't.<<endtimedinsert>>

"Maybe you should go get a drink. Have you seen the kitchen yet? There's everything in there. Yasmeen's really outdone herself."\n\nWithout waiting for your response, without even brushing by you, <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>they melt<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>she melts<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>he melts<<endif>> into the crowd.\n\n[[okay|okay 2]]

It's not what you wanted. You'll stay in your own body, your hands in the web. If every human life has infinite variations on infinite emotions, surely it's worthwhile to catalogue the intricacies of your own [[heart|will]].

You take the blanket gratefully, swaddle yourself in it like a child. You've suffered. Not as they have. But you understand, now.\nThe blanket is warm. Grounding. [[Safe]].

"Real or not, you came to me. You wanted it to end. But you have choices. You've always had choices. Even when you've felt <<cyclinglink "lonely" "exhausted" "frightened" "miserable" "helpless" end>>. You came here for escape, not for death. If you'd wanted the latter you could have found it far easier." She shrugs. "Perhaps I'm wrong. But most of the ones like you don't know what they want. Or they do, but can't name it. Maybe you believe you're unworthy of it. Foolishness. That, if anything, shows you're human."\n\n"So. Choices. I can give you what the stories say - or I can give you what you want.\n\n[[ask for death]]\n[[ask for change]]

You're back in the glen, his anger and bitterness still twitching in your own jaw. You blink at the sudden loss of unexpected intimacy. Your gut churns uncomfortably at the thought of being so close to someone else without their knowledge or consent.\n\n"That isn't what you were expecting, I imagine."\n\n[[nope]]

It's over in moments. The only things you recall are the look of surprise frozen in his darkening eyes, and the <<cyclinglink $feeling "vindication" "horror" "regret">> coursing through you.\n\nAnd then the alley dissolves, and you're back in the [[clearing|clearing 3]].

Accept. What you've done is your responsibility.\n"Look after it. It will tell you what it eats."\n\nThe creature extends one clawed, webbed hand to you. There's nothing to do but [[take it]] in your own.

She pulls a vial from some hidden pocket in her skirt. Did she prepare it while you were looking around the forest, or did she bring it, knowing you would be in need?\n\n"Just a bit will do."\n\n<<if $has_toadstools>>She twists off one of the caps of the toadstools, drops it into the liquid. It glows white for a moment; smoke swirls ominously upwards. She notices your expression. "It's perfectly safe." \n\n[[drink]]<<else if $has_narcissus>>She drops one blossom into the liquid. It glows the faintest of blues for a moment. A silver sheen lingers on the surface. "It will be warm."\n \n[[drink]]<<else if $has_hyacinths>>She drops one blossom into the liquid. The surface turns the dark grey of a thunderstorm. The potion ripples long after it should have stopped. \n\n[[drink]]<<else if $has_hedgehog>>She drops one of the spines into the liquid, swirls it and waits. It flashes bright green and luminous for a moment. A pleased smile crosses her face. "Sometimes it needs more, but this will work as it is." \n\n[[drink]]<<else if $has_moss>>She scrapes a bit of the moss into the liquid. Amber swirls radiate from where the lichen broke the surface. "You'll like the taste, I imagine. Sweet."\n \n[[drink]]<<endif>>

He scurries back into the brush. You turn back to the [[copse|Interstitial wood gathering 2]].

"Try again." You nod, gritting your teeth already. You bend towards the pool, extending your glowing palms to the surface of the water. \n\nYou don't expect a change. You don't expect anything. A flash of light, and you're [[gone|gone 2]].

Tendrils of fire caress the withered wood. It doesn't burn like any fire you've seen before - no slow blaze. The inferno is absolute. Branches splinter and crack open. The trunk gapes hollow.\n\nYou catch a glimpse of your words, barely, before the limb blisters black and grey.\n\n[[listen]]

<<if $has_hedgehog>>The hedgehog noses a bit of moss curiously. The witch looks at you. "Wisdom, then? Well."\n\n[[yes|Hedgehogresult]]<<else if $has_hyacinths>>The witch picks one up and sniffs it appreciatively. "When I was young, after a storm I'd run out to the forest just to see these bloom. A wise choice." \n\n[[okay]]<<else if $has_moss>>"I don't know why more people don't ask for moss." She's musing to herself. "Bloody useful, if you ask me." She seems to notice you again. "Right. Let's get on with it." \n\n[[okay|okay]]<<else if $has_toadstools>>A wide smile cracks the witch's face. "Brave of you. Don't worry, they won't be poisonous in the potion. I can't make any promises about the taste, though." \n\n[[that's...good?|okay]]<<else if $has_narcissus>>"Ah." Her smile is sad. "There are many reasons for choosing these. I'm sorry." \n\n[[oh|okay]]<<endif>>

Your eyes shine with possibility. Maybe you'll have to break that open too. It's all right. You have [[time|CREDITS]].

<<if $newpersongender eq "him">>His<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>Her<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> eyes flicker over you as you elbow your way in, but <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>his<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>her<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>their<<endif>> story doesn't pause. <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>He turns<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>She turns<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>They turn<<endif>> back to a blond whose long-fingered hand covers a laughing mouth.\n\nYou lean forward, but you can't quite catch what <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he's<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she's<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they're<<endif>> saying. Something about football?\n\n[[laugh along]]\n[[respond]]\n[[wait for a different opening]]

You swallow, trying not to meet their gaze. <<if $person2 eq "lover">>You [[fail]].<<else if $person2 eq "friend">>You [[fail|fail2]].<<else if $person2 eq "foe">>You [[fail|fail3]].<<endif>>

Your fingers itch. Now that you've seen the spheres smash, the light stream out, it's all you can think of. All that light, free. \n\n"You can do it again, you know." As if she's reading your thoughts.\n\n"You have so many wishes to hold up, to break open. And not only your own. Every wish, or lie, or illusion does that, when you try to grasp it. There's a whole world out there."\n\n[[all that light]]

He holds his hands up in mock surrender. "Just saying hello. You haven't been out lately. Just seemed like something was //wrong//."\n\nYou hate that, how he makes himself sound perfectly reasonable. As if you're the damaged one.\n\nOf course, you know he's right. You hate that too.\n\n[["I'm fine."|vampenemyfine]]

She traces the grooves of your palms; your lifeline, ragged and broken now. Life. Heart. Fate. You've never had much faith in palmistry - no //real// magic there - but the names come back to you with every line she traces. The liquid seeps into your flesh, glowing against your skin.\n\n"There. You're finished."\n\n[["Finished what?"]]

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Infinite lives. Every emotion you can put a name to will turn kaleidoscopic under the unknowable gaps in the human experience. Unknowable except to you, that is. Too tempting to pass up. Or maybe you're that eager to leave yourself [[behind|will]].

"Write your sins."\n\n<<timedgoto "three" 3s>>

You turn your back to the snake. Not a wise move, but you're more dangerous than it is. Its fangs sink into your calf. You ignore the full pain singing beneath your skin, extend a trembling hand to the trembling creature. It sniffs you, cautiously, and then darts away into the undergrowth. It doesn't trust either of you.\n\nThe witch looks at you. "Are you all right?"\n\n[["I'm fine."]]\n[["A bit shaken."]]\n[["What just happened - "]]

You'd fight sometimes, about how you rarely wanted to go out, and how <<if $exgender eq "He">>he<<else if $exgender eq "She">>she<<else if $exgender eq "They">>they<<endif>> didn't respect your need to recharge. <<print $exgender>> felt you never made an effort with <<if $exgender eq "He">>his<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>their<<endif>> friends, didn't share enough of yourself. You'd make up, or at least decide not to be upset, and that seemed like [[enough|ex memory]].

"I did, and I meant it." Steel in her voice. "We are capable of destruction, you and I. You won't force my hand. My way, or no way at all. That's the bargain."\n\n[[walk away|Walk away 2]]\n[["What does it entail?"]]

The creature's hand is <<cyclinglink "scaly" "webbed" "wet" "soft">> in yours.\n\n"Have you found what you hoped to when you came to me?" Her voice is soft.\n\n[[Yes.|Yes 3]] Something like it, at least.\n[[No.| No 3]] You don't feel healed.

A long pause.\n\n"Can you at least tell me why?"\n\n[["I'm capable of terrible things."]]\n[[lie]]

"Thanks," and that's a real smile, now. "I ought to go see where Jaime's gone to with my drink. But I'll see you around?"\n\nWith that, she <<if $flingadjective eq "pantherine grace">> springs <<else if $flingadjective eq "comfortable solidity">>heaves <<else if $flingadjective eq "sharp angles">>twists <<endif>> herself off the couch, that <<print $flingadjective>>shining through in every line of their body. You wish you were that present.\n\nShe always had an energy about her: that's what drew you, that weekend away. That vitality singing through her blood. You thought perhaps you might -\n\n[[but no|as always 2]].

"You ought to leave, before you're tempted further." It isn't a suggestion. You'll have to [[live|Turn back to the woods]] with this now, manage your desire - if that's what you want to do.

The glen pulses with a soft lambency. It's impossible to tell the source. Each tree, each leaf, each cracking twig beneath your feet seems to blaze with radiance. It's almost too much.\n\nThe witch spreads her hands apart. Between them is a ball of light. It's even brighter than the rest of the glen.\n\n"Here." Her voice is soft, reverent. \n\nThe light calls to you. You bend down to [[inspect]] it better.

You come back to the clearing. Your mouth is full of blood.\n\nThe witch raises a brow at you. She doesn't seem surprised. "You'll do it again and again, until you learn." She sighs. "You'd better come back with me. This might take a while. I have somewhere you'll be safe."\n\n[[...|labyrinth]]

Packed hard earth. The scent of rotting leaves. She seems not to notice your presence. Small blind beetles crawl over your feet. Glowing eyes follow you whichever way you turn.\n\nAs you pass beneath the trees' embrace, the shafts of light grow more luminous. There's a glen at the end of the path, almost too bright to look at. It's all you can do not to [[run|to the location]].

That gets a laugh. "A lot of people are."\n\n"//No//," you insist, eyes wide and urgent. "I'm not speaking metaphorically. I //hurt// people. I don't mean to, but I do. It's - bad."\n\n<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She's<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He's<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They're<<endif>> already shaking <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> head. "I can't see it. I really can't. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think it is."\n\n[["It really is."]]\n[["Whatever you say."]]\n[["What would I need to do to convince you?"]]

Crossroads

If she's bothered by your reluctance, she doesn't remark on it. The path you take is labyrinthine. Huge stones fallen across tangled roots, twists in the road, a brackish trickle of water in a creek bed. These are old-growth woods, untouched by fire but not by time.\n\nThe witch stumbles suddenly ahead of you. A rock's come loose.\n\n[[look closer]]

"Dry off."\n\nShe offers you a blanket. You don't recall seeing it before, but you've seen a great deal tonight you weren't expecting. \n\n[[wrap yourself up]]\n[[face the cold]]

Eventually, your chest stops heaving. Your vision is blurred. The world runs.\n\n[[blink]]

Your breathing slows. The light twines itself around your hands. The caress is intimate.\n\n[[tease a strand out]]

You can't remember the last time you felt this way. This whole. This vibrant. This alive. You hope it lasts. \n\nMaybe it even will. The night air sends a comforting chill through your skin, your hands, your beating heart. You [[breathe it in|CREDITS]].

You lean forward, trying to catch a glimpse of the pattern, but the bank is slippery. You lose purchase, reach one wheeling hand to steady yourself when it smacks down hard on the water - and suddenly, the forest is [[gone|gone Fangs]].

It skips across the surface of the water. Your doppleganger's face shatters into fragments, blasted apart by the force of the impact.\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>The dark water knits back together. Your reflection looks at you reproachfully. Nothing.\n\n[[look to the witch|"What will?"]]<<endtimedinsert>>

A murmur that sounds like approval. "Protection and strength. I can work with that. You're clear on what you want, then."\n\nShe tucks your offering into her shapeless - dress? cloak? you aren't sure. It rustles around her feet as the relentless chirp of crickets reaches a fevered height. She pays no heed, only continues [[on|on start]].

You can only grasp fragments.\n\n"A reference? I - suppose I could..." <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He leans<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She leans<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They lean<<endif>> back in the chair, pursing <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>his<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>her<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>their<<endif>> lips. "No, nothing objectionable, of course... Dedicated, hard-working, polite..." \n\n<<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He's<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She's<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They're<<endif>> searching. " - be an asset to you, I'm sure - " " -can't think of any specific examples, but I do have quite a lot of - " " - hard to keep everyone straight, yes, thank you for understanding - "\n\nYou exhale a shaky breath, and are glad when the scene that's just unfolded starts to run at the edges and [[dissolve|mentor memory]] -

"Sure thing." The bartender slides a pint towards you. They could have asked, you think bitterly, but this bar //was// always a dive, and besides, it's only in your head. \n\n"Cheers," you say, light, before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she has<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he has<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they have<<endif>> a chance to speak.\n\n"Cheers." That rakish smile.\n\nAnd then <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth is covering yours, hot and insistent and burning and you shouldn't, you're in public, and oh -\n\nand then //oh// - \n\nIt takes over, and you bite down, hard, on <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> lip. Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can do more than yelp in surprise your mouth is on <<print $vamplovergender>>, and there's [[screaming]] -

"Aren't you now?" Her voice is gentle.\n\n"You'll learn its contours, and your own. If it's too much..."\n\nShe rummages in her pockets, produces a tiny silver thimble.\n\n"Spill a drop of your blood into this, and I'll know you need me."\n\nShe doesn't offer you a knife. She knows you don't need one.\n\n[[okay|labyrinth end]]

You can only grasp fragments.\n\n"A reference?" "Yes, I suppose I could..." <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He leans<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She leans<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They lean<<endif>> back in the chair, pursing <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>his<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>her<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>their<<endif>> lips. "I wish I'd been told of any of this." " - even when I receive a message, I often forget to respond, sadly - " " - should be able to blend in quite easily, won't ruffle any feathers - " "easy to overlook, but means well - " "do let me know if there's anything more I can assist with..."\n\nYou exhale a shaky breath, and are glad when the scene that's just unfolded starts to run at the edges and [[dissolve|mentor memory]] -

get away get away get [[away]]

The mud sucks at your feet, begging to drag you down. There's not much at the shore, just a couple of small flat rocks. One of them looks like it might skip well.<<set $has_stone to 1>>\n\n[[pick up the stone|Look away]]

"The pool." It still crawls with light. "If you step in - it will still hurt. I'm sorry. But it will help knit the wounds. Enough for you to bear the scars."\n\n[[step in|step in zombie]]

Someone new.\n<<cyclinglink $personoutfit "A tight neon dress" "A pair of heavy doc martens" "A vibrant full sleeve" "A crisp white button-down">> looks good on <<cyclinglink $newpersongender "him" "her" "them">>. A <<cyclinglink "sweet" "knowing" "smug">> smile. Loud laughter echoes in a corner of the room, where half-a-dozen people are hanging on every word.\n\n[[mingle on the outskirts]]\n[[approach directly]]

It's hard to focus, in the haze of pain and drugs. That's another thing you've lost: the ability to be present. To feel. You try to fight it, but it's no use. You go [[under|rotting 2]].

A last sorrowful look at you, and she disappears. The maze yawns before you. A [[haven|CREDITS]] of your own.

"Good, good." <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They're<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She's<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He's<<endif>> clearly distracted, already scanning the room for someone else. "You don't have a drink yet? You should go get a drink. Have you seen the kitchen yet? Yasmeen's really outdone herself."\n\nWithout waiting for your response, without even brushing by you, they melt into the crowd.\n\n[[okay|okay 2]]\n

You come back to the clearing. The witch is pointedly not looking at you. You wonder how much she saw for herself, and how much is written on your traitor body.\n\n"There is a way I can help." Still not meeting your gaze.\n\n[[yeah right]]

Deftly, she plucks three spines from the hedgehog's back. He squawks indignantly and scurries away into a crevice. She shrugs.\n\n"They'll grow back. They always do."\n\n[[okay]]

"They are gone, and cannot hurt you."\n\nYou can hardly hear the witch's voice over the fire's purring drone.\n\nBut she's right. Your confessions have stopped whispering.\n\n[[breathe]]

You come back to yourself by the side of the pond. You've bitten clean through your lip. The water streams red.\n\n"Well, that's new."\n\n[["It was different this time."]]

Shouldn't you be enough for her as you are, insubstantial as you feel? She's your //mother//.\n\n<<if $mother eq "indifferent">>Does she still love you? The fear gnaws at you, hollowing you out even [[further|mother memory]].<<else>>You know she still loves you, even if it's strained. At least, you hope. The fear gnaws at you, hollowing you out even [[further|mother memory]].<<endif>>

She raises a brow, but doesn't question you further. You tramp silently together through the woods.\n\nYou realize that at some point, the forest floor has turned bright. Fragments of that strange light are strewn beneath your feet, like glass or gems. You can see your face distorted in them.\n\nYou catch half-finished glimpses of yourself, as you find yourself approaching a radiant [[glen|to the location]].

Back in the bar. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They offer<<endif>> you a quirked smile, again, and <<if $vamplovergender eq "they">>gesture<<else>>gestures<<endif>> to the bartender, again.\n\n"Hey. Let me get you a drink - whisky, right?" <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> voice is still <<print $voice>>.\n\nCan you change things, this time? If you try harder? If you find the right words?\n\n[["I don't feel like drinking tonight."]] Maybe you can explain what's happening to you.\n[["Listen, I can't see you anymore."]] An abrupt breakup might save <<print $vamplovergender>>, even if it hurts.\n[["I'm fucking your brother."]] <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They<<endif>> ought to leave you alone after //that//.

Your head crests the surface as you gulp down warm night air. Your breathing is fast and thick and desperate. Water streaks your cheeks. It might be tears. The cold is unbearable. The witch is watching from the shore.\n\n[[endure|Endure]]\n[[capitulate|Capitulate]]

You begin to feel a chill. You've grown used to even this.\n\n[[step from the stream]]\n[[just a moment longer]]

The blade glints in the moonlight. Blood will have blood, they say. But the witch looks at you. Her face is unreadable. Are you sure you want to do this?\n\n[[yes|Yes]]. You're willing to bleed.\n[[no|No 2]]. The witch seems reticent.

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They nod<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She nods<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He nods<<endif>>. <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They don't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She doesn't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He doesn't<<endif>> seem surprised.\n\n"Can you stop? If we helped?"\n\n[["I don't think so."|admit]]\n[["I hope so."]]\n[["It hasn't helped yet."]]

Your hands itch. You want so badly to [[turn back]] to the shards of light.

"It's //never// as bad as we think it is. You're just carrying around too much guilt because you like feeling like a martyr."\n\nYour blood thrums in your ears, indignant that <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she'd<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he'd<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they'd<<endif>> dismiss what crawls under your skin just like that.\n\n"I'm not a martyr," you say. Quiet. So quiet <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can't hear you over the music. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She doesn't<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He doesn't<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They don't<<endif>> seem to care.\n\n"Seriously, you need to just let go of the victim complex and - "\n\nYou can't listen anymore. Your face flames hot. You need to get out of there. Pushing past the pulse of bodies on the dance floor, you escape to the [[alley]] -

Claws. Teeth. Over. Again. You couldn't stop it. The body lies there. Red and mottled white. The iron tang of blood in your mouth. Acid at the back of your throat. \n\n<<if $monster eq "vampire">> [[feed|feed 2]] <<else if $monster eq "werewolf">> [[cover it with something|cover 2]]\n[[flee|flee 2]]<<endif>>

<<if $has_toadstools>>The potion feels like swallowing fire. You wonder for a moment if the witch wasn't terribly mistaken, but then there's a thrumming in your veins. Is this what you had hoped for? \n\n[[wait]]<<else if $has_narcissus>>It is. Warmth radiates through your whole body, starting from your throat. You feel lighter, somehow. \n\n[[wait]]<<else if $has_hyacinths>>It's thicker than you thought it would be. It settles in your stomach.\n \n[[wait]]<<else if $has_hedgehog>>You drink, hoping the gold spine has dissolved entirely. Luckily for you, it has. The liquid slides smoothly down your throat.\n\n[[wait]]<<else if $has_moss>>It is sweet, but not cloyingly so - like a burst of fruit at the back of your throat. But the taste is like no fruit you know. \n\n[[wait]]<<endif>>

Tiny alkaline droplets have scorched the ground where they've fallen. There are craters where nothing will grow.\n\n<<replace "(weep harder)">>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>drip<<becomes>>[[eventually]]<<endreplace>>

It passes. You don't know how long. They're looking at you, confusion in their eyes.\n\n"Are you all right?" You think their voice wavers. You wonder what you must look like.\n\n"Fine." There's hardly a tremor in yours. Sweat beads your brow. "It's fine. I think I just. Need to call it a night."\n\n"Sure, okay." It might be disappointment or relief or anger or concern in their eyes; you're not really paying attention. Perspiration trickles down into your eyes. Every system is straining to keep the monster back. To keep yourself back.\n\n"I'll see you around," you mumble. It's all the breath you can spare. And you turn and [[run]] -

"Oh, terribly busy." She launches into an enthusiastic recounting of her latest exploits. Your head spins. How can any one person manage all that?\n\nIt was her energy that drew you to her, that weekend away. That vitality singing through her blood. You thought perhaps you might -\n\n[[but no]]

You can only hear fragments.\n\n<<if $ex eq "concerned">>"No, we'd never get back together; it's just friendly concern - " "always seemed so /absent/, even when we were together - " "hard to stay in love with someone like that, who might as well not even be there - " "still, I worry - I doubt there's anyone else to."<<else if $ex eq "annoyed">>"No, of course we'd never get back together - too dull, wasn't it? But I'm not at all surprised by - " "always so absent when we were together, I was just miserable - " "no, I'm not surprised you called me, I'm the most familiar with the - peculiarities of the situation after all, aren't I?" A harsh exhale of breath. "Sorry I couldn't be of more help, I haven't heard anything in months, and honestly I'm relieved."<<else if $ex eq "indifferent">>"No, we'd never get back together - why would we?" "- not enough to hold my interest, really, there was nothing there - " "still, I hope nothing's the matter."<<endif>>\n\nYou exhale a ragged breath. <<print $exgender>> <<if $exgender eq "He">>doesn't<<else if $exgender eq "She">>doesn't<<else if $exgender eq "They">>don't<<endif>> hear you.\n\nYou're relieved when the scene starts to run at the edges and [[dissolve|ex memory]].

She looks at you. Her gaze is level. She knows you for what you are. She might be the only one who does.\n\n"You came to me to end the cycle. But you never wanted to die. You wanted this part of you contained." She shrugs. "Perhaps I'm wrong. But most of the ones like you don't know what they want. Or they do, but can't name it. Maybe you believe you're unworthy of it. Foolishness. That, if anything, shows you're human."\n\n"You have a choice, still, of course. You can go back out into the world, as you are, and live with it - or you can stay here, locked in a labyrinth. Safe."\n\n[[live]]\n[[stay]]

"I didn't know //you// did," she says, raising a brow. "I haven't seen you out anywhere - not Sean's leaving drinks, or Katie's birthday."\n\nYou //were// at Katie's birthday. You don't remember the night well. You don't recall anyone you talked to, any meaningful conversations you had. You might as well not have been there.\n\n[["Yeah."]] There isn't much else to say.

There is a gash in the earth. The witch stands on the other side.\n\n"This is the truth."\n\n[[look at what you've done]]

Now that's new. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> eyes widen. You - probably shouldn't have said that. But what's the harm? This is only a memory.\n\n"That's a bit heavy for a Saturday night, isn't it?" Still, that <<print $voice>> voice is amused. You smile back, luxuriating in the respite of a salvaged moment. Even if it isn't real.\n\n[["Maybe."]]\n[["I had to say it."]]\n[["Just keeping you on your toes."]]

Not worth it. You might be a monster, but you're your [[own|CREDITS]] creature.

<<set $monster to "vampire">>You lower yourself to their neck. The blood will have gone sluggish and still, but it will still be warm, for a little while longer. You've been doing this long enough to know. And you're not wasteful.\n\nThe hiss of a puncture. An obscene slurping sound. You try not to look at their face.\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>At last, you feel [[sated]].<<endtimedinsert>>

She nods, grim. She doesn't say anything more. You'll have to choose.\n\n[["...all right."]]\n[["I can't."]]\n[["All right."]]

<<set $lost to "integrity">>Something's rotted away inside you. Something that should have been steel and bone. But the years have worn you down. You've compromised so much. Is there anything left of you?\n\n[[...]]

She looks at you, sadly. One knotted hand reaches out to the pond. "You need to look. Watch, and wait. You'll know."\n\n[[watch the water|Watch the water]]

Your vision clears. In front of you is a small, hunched, misshapen thing. It looks at you silently.\n\n"It's yours, now."\n\n[[protest]]. You never asked for this.\n[[accept|Accept]]. What you've done is your responsibility.

You want something.\n\nOf course you do; everyone wants something. But what you want is - complicated. Not something you could get from your local coven, with their spells to find lost keys and their good luck potions. (You know: you've asked them.) \n\nThat's what's brought you to the edge of the forest, the wild landscape at the edge of your city, at dusk. Their advice.\n\nThe wind whistles, frigid and bracing, around you. You turn the collar of your coat up.\n\n[[wait|wait start]]

You clench your fists; claws bite into your own pulpy flesh. A high, singing pain explodes behind your eyes. You grit your fangs. Blood gouts from your mouth.\n\n"Run," you snarl. There's terror in their eyes, and disgust. Good. That's how you feel when you look in the mirror. They turn and flee. Great streams of your own blood have spattered the dumpster, the walls, your clothes. Nothing new. [[Except]] -

"It's the best place for the ritual - my own devising." She reaches into the voluminous folds of her cloak. A tiny green glass bottle sits in her palm. It glows faintly.\n\n"Hold out your hands. Palms up."\n\n[[supplication]]

<<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They start<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She starts<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He starts<<endif>> slightly, as if <<print $ghostgender1>> didn't expect you to do that. One hand comes up hesitantly in greeting, as if <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>they aren't<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>she isn't<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>he isn't<<endif>> sure you're gesturing at <<print $ghostgender1>>. Too late to change your mind, now.\n\n[["Well...hi!"]]\n[["How have you been?"]]

She shakes her head. "I give people what they need. You want to end your current existence. Death is only one facet of an ending. All change is a kind of death. You'll see."\n\nHer smile is not kind.\n\n[[protest]]\n[[accept]]

It's slow work, unknotting the twisted spirals. Your fingers start to ache. But when you get to the end, the light hangs loose. Your skin begins to slough off in great sheets, piling translucent fragments on the loose coil.\n\n[[pick them up]]

The alley, again. The same fetid stench. But this time there's blood mingling with it. You look down. Your clothes. You'll never get away.\n\n[[snap back|snap back 2]]

Rage pulses in his chest. A muscle jumps in his cheek. He tries to bite back his words. He doesn't want to hurt his lover, even though Jack hasn't shown //him// the same consideration.\n\n"You can't treat me that way, as if my feelings are a joke." His words stick in your throat. That's so much kinder than what you - than what //he// - wanted to say.\n\nYou swallow someone else's sense of futility and [[loss|until glen 2]].

Blood trickles from the corner of your mouth. You wipe it away absently.\n\nThe body is cooling.\n\n[[cover it with something]]\n[[flee]]

A kind of music beyond music. Your hands ache for a keyboard, a lyre, a pen. Anything to get it [[down]].

That weekend had been nice. <<if $exgender eq "He">>He was<<else if $exgender eq "She">>She was<<else if $exgender eq "They">>They were<<endif>> a bit frantic, on the phone to the landlord and trying to ensure <<if $exgender eq "He">>his<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>their<<endif>> possessions were mostly salvageable, but you cooked dinner and murmured encouraging things, and <<if $exgender eq "He">>he<<else if $exgender eq "She">>she<<else if $exgender eq "They">>they<<endif>> tucked <<if $exgender eq "He">>his<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>their<<endif>> head into your neck while you cuddled on the sofa, and you felt as if everything would be [[all right|ex memory]]...

The witch looks at you.\n\n"Them, or yourself? No, don't answer. Just consider it. While you dig."\n\n[[okay|Turn back to the woods]]

Ah. Narcissus. Purity and cleansing. Perhaps you can use some of that.\n\n[[pluck the blossoms]]\n[[keep looking|Interstitial wood gathering]]

The thin blade falls to the earth. The witch looks pleased. "Good. It won't be as simple as that. There's blood magic, yes, but that won't do you any good here."\n\n[["What will?"]]

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She wasn't<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He wasn't<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They weren't<<endif>> the first, or the second.\n\nBut you liked <<print $vamplovergender>>. A lot. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They<<endif>> had <<cyclinglink "a striking laugh" "dimples" "a birthmark shaped like a dolphin" "a good heart">>, and <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she was<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he was<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they were<<endif>> a terrible cook ("couldn't even boil water," <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> said one night, wrapping <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> arms around you at the stove). <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They<<endif>> had a fondness for <<cyclinglink "Italian opera" "outdoor cycling" "contemporary art" "collecting old books" "trail hiking">> and you even learned to appreciate it, for <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> sake. You recall how <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> skin felt against yours, smelled of <<cyclinglink "talcum and rainwater" "cigarettes and clean laundry" "cedar and soap" "vanilla and incense" "salt and fresh sheets">>.\n\nYou swallow. You remember <<print $vamplovergender>>. And what happened [[next]].

A familiar voice. Their back is turned towards you. Who is it?\n\n[[your mother]]\n[[your ex]]\n[[your mentor]]

Is he going to be all right there? Well, no matter. You've already moved him; you may as well. Hopefully nothing too bad will happen.\n\n<<timedgoto "your bounty" 5s>>

"Are you sure?" She arches a brow at you. Still and thoughtful.\n\n[[...no, you'll stay|agree reluctantly]]\n[[yes, you're sure|Walk away 2]]

They're reflective, tinged by the grey light. You see yourself in them. A bead of sweat as a prospective boss flicks through your resume, the itch to embellish rising in your chest. A holiday dinner, biting your tongue. Tension in your fingers, spread out on a white tablecloth, the other hand reaching for your glass of wine. Every falsehood, every twist of self-protection, every barrier to keep the world from seeing you as you are. All dead skin, cast [[aside]].

Blood trickles from the corner of your mouth. You wipe it away absently. As you've done so many times before.\n\nThe body is cooling.\n\n[[cover it with something|cover 2]]\n[[flee|flee 2]]

"Fine." Your voice sounds strange to your own ears.\n\nYour control is slipping; you don't have much longer. Somehow, he always does this to you - brings your secret shame out, leaves you alone to master it. \n\nYou need air - you push past him, the feel of his body against yours only making the hunger clamor louder. The dance floor is a potential slaughter. You [[break]] for the freedom of the alley -

Hot rage strangles you. She doesn't know. It wasn't that simple. They hurt you, too.\n\n<<timedreplace 12s>>How could she do this to you? How could she hurt you so much? How could she make you look at yourself? <<becomes>>How could you do this to them? How could you hurt them so much? How can you [[look]] at yourself?<<endtimedreplace>>

Her brows raise. "So you've done everything else there is in this world, then? Broken a heart at the stroke of midnight on a new year? Held your own child's cold body in your arms and lowered them into the earth yourself? Sailed a ship into a harbor where no one speaks your language, and tried to find a tremulous connection? The specificity of experience means nothing. Pain is specific. That doesn't make it desirable."\n\nThe light in the glen turns icy. Shards begin to fall between the intertwined branches.\n\n"I'm sorry." She doesn't sound particularly contrite, but then, she hasn't struck you as a person for whom apology is frequent. "I have my views, and you have yours. But if you're looking for specificity alone, death is not your only option."\n\n[["Fair enough."]]\n[["I meant how absolute it is."]]

"Yes." That's all she says. The silence stretches out.\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>At last, she offers you a hand. "Come on. I think I can find something to help."\n\nShe starts slowly towards the [[wood|Interstitial wood gathering]].\n<<endtimedinsert>>

A shrug. "Neither am I. But that doesn't mean you can't change things, you know? 'I am the captain of my soul," and all that."\n\nRage courses through you. As if change were that easy. As if you weren't trying to live a normal life, coming out to bars and meeting up with friends when all you want to do is lock yourself away and gnaw your own bones raw.\n\nYou stand up abruptly. A bit of the bitter porter sloshes over the lip. "I need some air."\n\n[[escape]]

The crackle of dead wood. The pop of an errant spark. The hiss of flame. And your words, whispered, vanishing on the breeze.\n\n<<print $confession1>>\n<<print $confession2>>\n<<print $confession3>>\n\n[[let them go]]

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She slides<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He slides<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They slide<<endif>> the whisky down the bar to you. \n\n"To your health." A cheeky smile. Your cheeks burn; so does the whisky. \n\nAnd then <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth is covering yours, hot and insistent and burning and you shouldn't, you're in public, and oh -\n\nand then //oh// - \n\nIt takes over, and you bite down, hard, on <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> lip. Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can do more than yelp in surprise your mouth is on <<print $vamplovergender>>, and there's [[screaming]] -

You remember this one now. You had forgotten.\n\nSquashed pre-fab 70s Soviet cinderblock buildings rise south of the river, squatting close together as if they shared a secret. To the north, the soaring spires and sweeping buttresses of cathedrals mingle with elegant red-roofed apartments and shops and offices. Split forever by the river, its current insistent, ineluctable. Bridged by an elegant concoction of iron and steel that spans the banks like a web.\n\nThe sun is setting and you are on a hill by the river, looking out over both south and north. The grass is soft and new under your hands and the sunset shines gold on the water and on the cinderblock and on the spires.\n\nSomething [[twists]] in your chest, singing high and thin. A new kind of joy, maybe; or a sorrow at the transience of the moment. Or both together, separated, spanned by your heart.

An alleyway. <<cyclinglink $person1 "Your friend" "Your lover" "A stranger" "An enemy">>'s voice, close at your ear, murmuring something you can't make out. Everything is a haze of red.\n\n[[turn on them]]\n[[try to calm down]]\n\n

<<timedinsert 1s>>The pond's surface begins to ripple. The ground trembles.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 5s>>The earth cracks open<<endtimedcontinue>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 7s>>a yawning maw you fear might swallow you<<endtimedcontinue>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 10s>>it won't stop<<endtimedcontinue>>\n\n<<timedcontinue 15s>>and then it does<<endtimedcontinue>>\n\n<<timedgoto "apocalypse" 20s>>

He laughs, low and unpleasant. "And what would that be?"\n\nFangs grind into your own jaw. Your mouth fills with the tang of your own blood. You grin at him - a red, red smile. He recoils. It's too [[late]].

- only to hear a voice behind you.\n\n"Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to piss you off."\n\nIt's too late. The red hunger has you in its grasp. You turn on <<print $vamplovergender>>. The last thing you remember seeing is an awful look of recognition, and then [[nothing]] -

You are capable of [[bravery|cleverness bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[resilience|resilience cleverness]].\nYou are capable of [[strength|strength cleverness]].\nYou are capable of [[brutality|cleverness brutality]].\nYou are capable of [[kindness|cleverness kindness]].

You stammer out some excuse or another - it's a bad time in your life, you're thinking of moving, you've met someone else.\n\n<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She just smirks<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He just smirks<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They just smirk<<endif>> at you. "I don't believe you."\n\nMaybe it's not worth it. Maybe you just want a bit more time with <<print $vamplovergender>>. You smile, lopsided. It doesn't reach your eyes.\n\nAnd then <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth is covering yours, hot and insistent and burning and you shouldn't, you're in public, and oh -\n\nand then //oh// - \n\nIt takes over, and you bite down, hard, on <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> lip. Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can do more than yelp in surprise your mouth is on <<print $vamplovergender>>, and there's screaming, and you've been here before, and then [[nothing]] -\n

You can't keep the disappointment from your voice. <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They frown.<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She frowns.<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He frowns.<<endif>> \n\n"It's been a while, hasn't it?" <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>they try.<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>she tries.<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>he tries.<<endif>>\n\n"Yeah." Your throat feels dry. No other words come.\n\n"I've just been busy...new job, and all." <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He<<endif>> won't meet your eyes. Flimsy excuses, as thin as pity.\n\n"Same here," you murmur, for something to say.\n\nThe silence [[gapes]].

The witch watches you as you catch your breath, hands still held out in front of you.\n\n"You can go back, if you like. Tease out all the strands in you, all the ugliness you're too frightened to confront, and [[make yourself new]]. Or you can [[follow the threads]] into a new life, again and again if you can't bear what you've done. But I'll warn you - you'll have to do this again there too. It's not an escape."

There are so many more. But as you reach they [[dissolve|dissolve clearing]] under your hands -

<<if $exgender eq "He">>He's<<else if $exgender eq "She">> She's<<else if $exgender eq "They">>They're<<endif>> talking animatedly on the phone, as if <<if $exgender eq "He">>he doesn't<<else if $exgender eq "She">>she doesn't<<else if $exgender eq "They">>they don't<<endif>> notice you're there. You wish that surprised you more. <<print $exgender>><<if $exgender eq "He">> sounds<<else if $exgender eq "She">> sounds<<else if $exgender eq "They">> sound<<endif>> <<cyclinglink $ex "annoyed" "concerned" "indifferent">>.\n\n[[try to make out the words]]\n

"Come //on//. That is the most pathetic excuse for a breakup I've ever heard. At least say something like you're running off to Cancun to become an aerial fire-eater, or something."\n\n"It's not like that." Your blood thrums in your ears, indignant that <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she'd<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he'd<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they'd<<endif>> dismiss what crawls under your skin as a //joke//. "It's - I didn't mean to. But I did, and I can't - I don't want to hurt you too."\n\n<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She rolls her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He rolls his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They roll their<<endif>> eyes. "So why tell me? Serial killers don't go up to their potential victims and say, 'hi, hello, I might murder you, heads up'. You'd be a terrible serial killer if you did that."\n\n"I'm //not// a serial killer," you say, too loudly. (Aren't you?) People are starting to stare. Your face flames hot. You need to get out of there.\n\nPushing past the pulse of bodies on the dance floor, you escape to the [[alley]] -

The thick carpet is cool to the touch. Grounding. Peaceful.\n\n[[Yes|moss 2]]\n[[Maybe not|Interstitial wood gathering]]

You're back in the clearing, again. There are no more birds to startle with your screams.\n\nThe witch raises a brow. "Again."\n\n[["Enough."]]\n[[go back]]

"I've seen a lot of both. But then, we all think we have. And you've seen something that made you come to me. Perhaps you'll see something else tonight."\n\nAs you walk, you realize that somewhere, the forest floor has turned bright. Fragments of that strange light are strewn beneath your feet, like glass or gems. You can see your face distorted in them.\n\nYou catch half-finished glimpses of yourself, as you find yourself approaching a radiant [[glen|to the location]].

"I thought not. You usually can't, at first. You'll have to try again."\n\n[["All right."]]\n[["...all right."]]\n[["...go back?"]]\n[["I can't."]]

The words hang leaden in the air. The wood is still and soundless. You wonder how you didn't choke on them.\n\nThey are between you and the witch, now, out in the world. Raw and true and stripped. It feels like bleeding, only you can't see a wound.\n\n"Yes. You did. Do you know why?"\n\n[[never enough]]\n[[a catastrophic misunderstanding of the consequences]]\n[[no]]

A thin blade with a bone handle, half-hidden in the tall grass. It's sharp.<<set $has_knife to 1>>\n\n[[pick up the knife|Look away]]

<<set $lost to "skin">>Thin and pink and raw. It used to be a barrier to the world. Now it's just an open wound.\n\n[[...]]

Anywhere but at your face, at the mixture of water and salt. A sour tang rises at the back of your throat. There's not much to see at the edge of the water: grass luminous with dew, a muddy [[bank]], a glint of [[metal]] poking out from a patch of reeds.\n\nThe witch watches you. Her face is kind. Somehow that's worse.\n<<if $has_stone>>\n[[cast the stone into the water|Cast the stone into the water]]<<endif>>\n<<if $has_knife>>\n[[consider the knife|Consider the knife]]<<endif>>

Their face is open, shock plastered across it. A room, covered floor to ceiling with canvases splashed with neon acrylics: intricate, intimate portraits of themselves, of others, just as open and raw as the look on their face. A letter in their hands. You can make out some of it, below the fold.\n\n"delighted to offer you a place in our progam" ... "graduates have gone on to exhibit their work at galleries such as" ... "in addition, a stipend covering tuition costs as well as room and board" \n\n[[...|until]]

If she's bothered by your hesitance, she doesn't show it. "My experience of death may not be your own, of course. You say it's the only universal, and that's true enough. But every death is personal."\n\nYou realize that somewhere, the forest floor has turned bright. Fragments of that strange light are strewn beneath your feet, like glass or gems. You can see your face distorted in them.\n\nYou catch half-finished glimpses of yourself, as you find yourself approaching a radiant [[glen|to the location]].\n

You'd meet once a month or so, usually over dinner or drinks that <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he'd<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she'd<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they'd<<endif>> pay for. You always felt a bit like you were taking advantage of <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>his<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>her<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>their<<endif>> largesse, but <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> reassured you <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> could afford to be generous with beginners.\n\n<<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They<<endif>> tried to get you to open up, take more initiative with your ideas, speak up for yourself a bit more. //You// thought it was working, that <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> knew you and your aspirations. Evidently <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> didn't [[agree|mentor memory]].

"We will, you know. I will. Whatever it takes."\n\nYou know it won't be that easy. But for a moment, amidst the haze of the bitter brew and the music's inexorable pulse, you feel something new. Hope.\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>Of course, it's not real. You're not really in this bar. You're back in the [[clearing]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

<<if $mentor eq "annoyed">>A harsh exhale. The sound of fingers drumming on the desk. You strain to [[hear|hear annoyed]].<<else if $mentor eq "indifferent">>An impatient sighing. You strain to [[hear|hear indifferent]].<<else if $mentor eq "concerned">>A worried murmur. You strain to [[hear|hear concerned]].<<endif>>

A deep scar in the clearing. The fault gouge jagged and bare. A cataclysm of shattered wood and scattered leaves. Pale roots exposed to the sky. The pristine landscape blasted.\n\n[[carnage]]

"A ritual, first. To ensure that it's death itself you truly seek, not just the boundaries of experience. Not-experience isn't the same, you know." The witch shakes her head, her close-cropped curls an eerie corona in the moonlight.\n\n"If it is - " she shrugs. "Well. That's my bargain."\n\n[[Agree]]\n[[Decline]]

You splay your hands out across the light. It shifts under your hands like a living creature, soft and tentative and breathing.\n\n[[match its pulse]]

A sadness in her eyes.\n\n"Come. There will be something in the woods that can help."\n\nShe gestures towards the [[forest|Interstitial wood gathering]].

<<if $newpersongender eq "him">>He goes<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>She goes<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>They go<<endif>> on like this for some time, trading the spotlight with the group enough to seem self-effacing, but the conversation always circles back to <<print $newpersongender>>. <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>His<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>Her<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> bright charisma. You wait, and think, but you can't find anything to say that will match that warmth.\n\nAt the end of the evening, <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he slips<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she slips<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they slip<<endif>> away with the blond.\n\nThat's [[nothing|as always]] new.

\n\nbody {\n\tfont-size: 78%\n}\n

The glen, again. The shards of light still scattered. The gleam draws your eye. You can't help but glance. The witch looks exasperated.\n\n"//People//. Always drawn by the light, by the fantasy of getting that close to another person. But it has consequences. You're rummaging around inside other people's heads and hearts. Even //vampires// ask to be invited over the threshold."\n\nA keening [[cry]] from overhead. A bird of prey?

You are at the edge of the pond again. The witch is watching you.\n\n"You couldn't change it, could you?"\n\n[["No."]]

"I suppose that depends who you're asking, doesn't it? It is for me. It isn't for you. You'll still get your experience; I won't deny you it. But not before connection. They go together, you know. Experience is all well and good, but sooner or later there's the itch to do something with it - to share it with another, to make art, to provide others with the same chance. They're linked."\n\nAs you walk, you realize that somewhere, the forest floor has begun to glow. Fragments of that strange light are strewn beneath your feet, like glass or gems. You can see your face distorted in them.\n\n[[to the location]]

<<timedreplace 10s>>Breathe. <<cyclinglink "In." "Out." "In." "Out.">><<becomes>> \n\nYou come back to yourself, in great gulping sobs. Your cheeks and chin are wet with tears.\n\n"You've seen, then."\n\n[[yes.|Yes 2]]<<endtimedreplace>>

You can't hold it, not in your hands. \n\nThe circle shatters under the pressure of the tangible world, by its mere existence. Light streams out in every direction.\n\nIt's beautiful. More beautiful than the sphere, perfect and inviolate. Everything is dusted with gold for a moment - \n\nand then it's gone. But it was real. Whatever that means, in this strange space.\n\n[[...|light]]

A snick of claws, a flash of teeth, and it's over. The body lies still, daubed red and mottled white. The iron tang of blood in your mouth. Are their lips already starting to darken?\n\n[[feed]]\n[[not that kind of monster]]

You clench your fists, focus on your breathing. You have good lung capacity - it's useful for hunting prey. But now it serves as a challenge - to fill your mouth with night air and not their flesh, sweet and soft and yielding beneath your teeth, a bright burst on your tongue.\n\n"So easy," a voice whispers. "Right there."\n\nYou [[struggle]].

A laugh, at that. "Who does?"\n\nThe bartender slides a pint towards you. You take an experimental sip: a dark porter, a bitter bite. It's not to your taste, but you can't exactly refuse a memory.\n\n<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They raise their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She raises her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He raises his<<endif>> own glass to you. "Cheers, then. To changing."\n\n[["To changing."]]

White roots reach down, blindly groping back towards home. They root themselves again in soil, disappear from view. They'll grow back. Some things do.\n\n[[try to breathe]]

The cold bites into you, the hunger a dull throb, your sense of loss warring with it. But at least you didn't hurt <<print $vamplovergender>>. You're alone with yourself.\n\n<<timedinsert 4s>>But it isn't real. You're not really in this alley. You're back in the [[clearing]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

A thick, ugly sob wells up in your throat. What you've done is a wound in the world. You don't know how to make it right. That's why you're here.\n\n[[look at the witch]]\n[[give yourself over to it]]

She is quiet, for a long time. When she speaks, her voice is softer than you expected.\n\n"There is not a measured amount of suffering weighed out for every sin. But if you feel the need to do penance..."\n\nShe holds out a hand to you.\n\n[[take her hand]]

You can only grasp fragments.\n\n"A reference? I suppose I could..." <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He leans<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She leans<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They lean<<endif>> back in the chair, pursing <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>his<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>her<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>their<<endif>> lips. " - not in weeks, though; this is the first I've heard of these plans - " "can't possibly speak to organization or communication skills, with this latest lapse - " " - why the silence, I can't think - " \n\nAn irritated exhale. " - hard-working and polite, and I have wanted to do my best - " another harsh breath. "But it's been difficult."\n\nYou exhale a shaky breath, and are glad when the scene that's just unfolded starts to run at the edges and [[dissolve|mentor memory]] -

<<once>>Your existence has narrowed to a bright sear. There is no breath left in your body. Dormant nerves are shocked alive into agony. You need to get [[out]] of this - <<endonce>>

You grit your teeth. Your mouth fills with the tang of your own blood.\n\nYou're so close, so close to [[snapping|late]] -

It's the least you can do. You pull a pair of gloves from your jacket pocket. You're careful, in the ways you still can be. You've come to value these small rituals, ways of clinging to your humanity. Always cover the body. Never leave fingerprints. Every once in a while, report a missing person from a pay phone 40 miles out of town, waiting in the booth until your hands stop shaking.\n\n[[snap back]]

The thronging branches block out almost all light, but a soft glow clings to some of the leaves. The trees are bathed in a soft blue phosphorescence.\n\n<<timedinsert 5s>>As you walk, your eyes adjust.\n\nWhat you first took for bioluminescence, perhaps some kind of algae, are thousands of cold cathodes, sprouting from the branches. Neon glares off the trees; you realize that somewhere along the path, wood has been transmuted into steel.\n\nBirdsong strobes in the branches, a relentless techno drone. Sweat [[drips]] from your forehead.<<endtimedinsert>>

You make short work of the body. How many times have you done this, now? Gloves on. Tarp, if you can find one; their jacket, if you can't. Newspaper, sometimes. Quarter after quarter in a lonely phone booth out on the highway. You've lost count. Your hands are shaking.\n\n[[snap back|snap back 2]]

The price is too high. Or you don't feel responsible for yet another heart.\n\nWhatever your reasons, [[turn your back|CREDITS]] on them. \n\nThe witch will watch you go, her hand clasping the creature's own.

What draws you this time?\n<<if $face eq "man">>\n[[a girl choking back tears|girl 2]]\n[[a person frozen in surprise|person 2]]<<else if $face eq "girl">>\n[[a person frozen in surprise|person 2]]\n[[a man with a clenched jaw|man 2]]<<else if $face eq "person">>\n[[a girl choking back tears|girl 2]]\n[[a man with a clenched jaw|man 2]]<<endif>>\n[[your own possibilities]]

"Still, I can't control you. Once it's out in the world..."\n\n"I'll warn you to be responsible, and to be kind. If you misuse this power, it will be your curse."\n\nHer eyes blaze with that same light for a moment. Universes bud and bloom and wither in her sclerae.\n\n"I know a bit about curses."\n\n[[...|curses]]

She cocks her head to the side. "I won't deny that. Death can't be shared: not death itself. Fear, desire, grief, longing: they're all inexhaustible. Perpetually generating. But that moment - that's all there is. Discrete and entire in itself. And awful in its truth."\n\nHer voice sounds fond, as if she's describing an old friend.\n\n[["Maybe you have a point."]]\n[["Connection isn't more important than experience."]]\n[["That specificity is what I'm looking for."]]\n[["Where do your views come from?"]]

Jeans. Shoes. Shirt. Coat. They're strewn about, but easy enough to locate. Your anonymous paramour doesn't seem to note you prowling about the room. You pull your clothes on, taking inventory of the parts that feel newly numb and dead.\n\n[[your heart]]\n[[your hands]]\n[[your skin]]\n[[your integrity]]

"Er - I suppose," <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he says<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she says<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they say<<endif>>, <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>his<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>her<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>their<<endif>> head swiveling towards you for a half second. <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>His<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>Her<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> composure is broken momentarily. "But really - " and <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they<<endif>> turns back to the hangers-on, to the tale <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he's<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she's<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they're<<endif>> spinning, with no further thought for you.\n\n[[as always|wait for a different opening]]

The witch watches you. Without a word, her hand moves, like a bird in flight - \n\na glowing sphere bursts from her fingertips, trailing whorls of golden luminescence in the air. The phantasm bobs along happily, darting back and forth between you and the forest.\n\n"It will take you where you need to go."\n\nThe eager thing darts between the trees.\n\n[[follow|CREDITS]]

She doesn't //look// like a witch: not in the ways you've heard, anyway. Her face is lined, but she isn't wizened; she clutches a knotted oak staff, but her hands splay loosely across it, and her weight shifts easily as she peers at you. \n\nThe murmur of wings. You are aware of dozens of beady eyes staring out of the gathering twilight behind her.\n\n"You're waiting for me," she observes.\n\n[["They told me where to find you."]]

You never could [[look|savage lover gender]] away from <<cyclinglink $vamplovergender "her" "him" "them">>.

Different, this time. A crowded nightclub. A <<cyclinglink $person2 "lover" "friend" "foe">>, arching a brow at you from across the bar. Oh no. You [[remember]] this night.

It wasn't real, but at least you had that moment. At least you salvaged something. Even if it wasn't enough for <<print $vamplovergender>>.\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>It wasn't enough for <<print $vamplovergender>>. Remorse crushes your chest.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>You [[turn]] to the witch. Your heart feels tight against your ribs.<<endtimedinsert>>

She looks at you. Her gaze is level. She knows you for what you are. She might be the only one who does.\n\n"You came to me to end the cycle. But you never wanted to die. You wanted this part of you contained." She shrugs. "Perhaps I'm wrong. But most of the ones like you don't know what they want. Or they do, but can't name it. Maybe you believe you're unworthy of it. Foolishness. That, if anything, shows you're human."\n\n"And now it has been. Or at least, you know you can. You have a choice, still, of course. You can go back out into the world, as you are, and live with it - or you can stay here, locked in a labyrinth. Safe."\n\n[[live]]\n[[stay]]

You catch your breath in another dingy alley, teeming with the fetid stench of garbage. But no blood. Not that kind of rot. This sort of putrefaction is almost welcome.\n\nYou couldn't face it, couldn't look at it one moment more. You take a breath of sweetly rotting refuse.\n\n[[snap back]]

You know it's not that simple. But the thought still [[gnaws|dissolve]] at you.

"You'll have to decide." Her voice is solemn. "If you're going to use this only for [[yourself]], or if you'll look at the lives of [[others]] as well. I must warn you, though, against involving yourself in the futures of others without their consent, against violating the boundaries of another human being."

She shrugs. "You'll see. It might take a while to become accustomed to. If you truly don't feel it's taken in a fortnight, come back and see me." She doesn't specify what will happen then. She doesn't need to.\n\n"Wait and see." You might as well.\n\nFor now, you can still feel the effects. The night air sends a comforting chill through your skin, your hands, your beating heart. You [[breathe it in|CREDITS]].

The words hang leaden in the air. The wood is still and soundless. You wonder how you didn't choke on them.\n\nThey are between you and the witch, now, out in the world. Raw and true and stripped. It feels like bleeding, only you can't see a wound.\n\n"Good. Tell me how it feels."\n\n[[you feel empty|You feel empty]]\n[[you want to cry|You want to cry]]\n[[you hate her for this|You hate her for this]]

You hadn't thought she felt that way about you. You're her <<cyclinglink "child" "daughter" "son">>; isn't //she// supposed to reach out? Love you unconditionally? But you've [[pushed]] her [[away|away mother]] over the last [[year]].\n\nThe world [[spins|dissolve]].

She bares her teeth. Almost a smile. But not quite. Her eyes are flat.\n\n"Uncomfortable, isn't it? Catching a glimpse of someone else's life without their consent. I didn't know you'd do that. I might have warned you, otherwise. Still, what's done is done; you'll be able to see those patterns, now, follow those facets into every possible experience."\n\nShe pauses, sizing you up. "Of course, you can look at yourself, find your own strands. Remain entirely in your own skin. You contain every one of those infinite possibilities as well; you needn't have had to //experience// something just to feel it. Not anymore."\n\nA [[sparkle]], from the corner of your eye.

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They don't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She doesn't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He doesn't<<endif>> know what to say to that, concealing <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>his<<endif>> hesitation with a sip of beer. "You haven't been a bad friend. I think...you've done what you were capable of, at the time."\n\nYour throat is suddenly tight. That feels true. Even if <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they don't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she doesn't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he doesn't<<endif>> mean it as you hear it, for a moment, understanding washes over you.\n\nAnd then it's gone, too suddenly, and you're back in the [[clearing]] -

Your hands make quick work of the tiny mushrooms. They're poisonous, though. Don't touch your mouth.<<set $has_toadstools to 1>>\n\n[[take them to the rock|your bounty]]

"I haven't seen your sort of...problem in some time. And I can't reverse this. I'm sorry." She looks it. "I can't - I won't - do what you ask. But there's something else I can do that may help."\n\n[["What is it?"|"What does it entail?"]]\n[["You said 'won't'."]]

She smiles sadly at you. "It will be enough to keep you safe. For the rest - you're the only one who will be able to know."\n\n[[okay|labyrinth end]]

You've always felt he knew what you are, or at least suspected. It made you prickle around him, your instincts restrained under curt jabs and awkward silences. Better than giving him proof. \n\nHe's a lot like you; the version of yourself you'd want to be. That you could be, if this weren't living in your blood. He knows, too, how much you wish you could be him. It hasn't made him any kinder.\n\nHe offers you a tight, <<cyclinglink "smug" "triumphant" "disgusted" "condescending">> look and swings down off the stool. He's heading over. You can't escape this.\n\n"Surprised you'd show your face here." \n\nYour fangs grind involuntarily.\n\n[["What do you want?"]]\n[["Fuck off."]]\n[[walk away]]

<<cyclinglink $vampfriendgender "They" "He" "She">> did so much to help you. <<if $person1 eq "friend">>You [[remember|savage friend gender]].<<else>>You [[remember|savage friend]].<<endif>>

Every possibility, potentiality, spread out before you like the roots of an ancient oak. All yours. And every human has as many. Your head [[spins]] as you try to imagine that number.

Your blood pulses, an inexorable song. You cannot calm down.\n\n[[turn on them]]

Your friend exhales. "Fair enough. Still, I thought it was worth asking. If there was anything I could do, I'd want to."\n\nMaybe it's the haze of the bitter beer, or the music's inexorable pulse, but you believe <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>. It doesn't change the fact that you feel like a monster. But you don't feel quite as alone.\n\n<<timedinsert 7s>>Of course, it's not real. You're not really in this bar. You're back in the [[clearing]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

Only a reminder that you could have loved <<print $vamplovergender>>. If you hadn't hurt <<print $vamplovergender>>.\n\nIt hurts. A gnawing emptiness in your chest. You [[turn]] to the witch. Your head feels so heavy.

His face slips into surprise for a moment. "Hey, I'm not trying to do anything."\n\nDo you believe him? \n\nDoes it matter?\n\nYou blame [[him]]. He stirred this up, whether he meant to or not. He deserves it.\nIt's [[your]] responsibility. Whatever he meant, your reactions are your own, and no one else's.

The knife sings through your flesh. Crimson droplets spatter across the surface of the water, the muddy rocks, the dewy grass. Your reflection ripples. Your blood sinks into your doppleganger's face.\n\n<<timedinsert 5s>>\nNothing happens. The <<cyclinglink $skin "pale" "dark" "scarred">> flesh staring back at you is still your own. You've paid in blood, and nothing's changed.\n\nThe witch clears her throat. "It's not as simple as that. There's blood magic, yes, but that won't do you any good here."\n\n[["What will?"]]<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n

You begin to recognize expressions on the faces. One stands out to you.\n\n[[a girl choking back tears]]\n[[a man with a clenched jaw]]\n[[a person frozen in surprise]]

She shrugs. "You know my terms. If you change your mind...you've found me once. You can again."\n\nShe turns and hobbles back into the wood, leaning on her staff.\n\nYou are alone with your thoughts.\n\n[[Is this really what you wanted?]]

Cold.\n<<timedinsert 2s>>Cold.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 4s>>Cold.<<endtimedinsert>>\n<<timedinsert 6s>>Countless tiny pinpricks bite your skin. Thick mud pulls you inexorably downwards. You have so far to go.\n[[further]]<<endtimedinsert>>

Faster than you think - <<timedinsert 1s>>the flame jumps -<<endtimedinsert>> <<timedinsert 2s>>the tree bursts into conflagration.<<endtimedinsert>> <<timedinsert 3s>>Orange and purple tongues of fire lick at dry wood. The edges of the paper crack and blacken. \n\nYou drop the paper - it burns too quick to hold.\n\n[[watch it smolder in the dirt]]\n[[watch the tree blaze]]<<endtimedinsert>>

It's too much. It's too much. You know where to find her, if you can ever bear it again. But for now, you [[can't|CREDITS]].

It is warm and soft in your own. Your fingers feel clammy against the pulsing life in her veins.\n\n<<timedinsert 5s>>She leads you to the edge of the clearing. A blasted, withered tree stands there. The bark is wet. The smell of petrol rises in the air.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 9s>>"It's a cypress pine." Her voice is so gentle you have to strain to hear it. "It isn't native to the forest, but it's here. The only way it can sow new seeds is to burn."\n\nShe looks at you.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 12s>>[[um]]<<endtimedinsert>>

Too high a price to pay without knowing. You know where to find her, if you change your mind. The edge of the woods [[beckons|CREDITS]] you.

"Mine didn't." Her voice is tart. She says nothing more.\n\nYou keep [[walking|to the location]] in silence.

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You are at the edge of the pond again. The witch is watching you.\n\n"Nothing?"\n\n[["Nothing."]]

Your words. Your wounds. Black ink.<<set $confession1 to prompt("Write it down:"," ")>>\n\nYou have [[two]] more scraps remaining.

Some days you even thought <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he was<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she was<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they were<<endif>> [[fond|mentor memory]] of you.

The same wavering figure in the water as you saw before. Insubstantial. But the witch -\n\nYou can't look. Light pours from her mirrored image, nearly blinding you. She gestures at her reflection.\n\n"That's you, too."\n\n[[uh]]

You scrape a bit of the luminous green lichen up, and try not to think about how it will taste.\n<<set $has_moss to 1>>\n[[bring it to the rock|your bounty]]

You are capable of [[life|CREDITS]].

At your neck, now. Your teeth are chattering.\n[[submerge]]

It feels cleaner, somehow, even though you can still taste iron. You [[meet her gaze|clearing]].

The tree's bark is covered with your words. "<<print $confession1>>" twines about the trunk. You can just make out "<<print $confession2>>" on one of the cracked branches.\n\n"It's ready."\n\nShe hands you a lighter. A purple bic.\n\n"Let them go."\n\n[[controlled burn]]

The alleyway, again. <<print $person1>>'s voice, close at your ear. The same words. The same red haze.\n\n[[turn on them|turn on them 2]]\n[[try to calm down again]]

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They snort<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She snorts<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He snorts<<endif>> indelicately into their own glass. "Well, obviously. You've been moody and quiet lately. It doesn't take a genius to know something's bothering you."\n\nRage courses through you. How dare <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he<<endif>> talk as if it's a problem like a lost job or a breakup? You're capable of being a monster.\n\nYou stand up abruptly. A bit of the bitter porter sloshes over the lip. "I need some air."\n\n[[escape]]

It can't hurt more than this. Maybe you trust her. Maybe you're tired of the slow itch under your skin, the feeling of sinews stretched tight and wrong across impossible configurations of muscle and blood.\n\n[[submerge|submerge zombie]]

"Real or not, you came to me. You wanted it to end. But you have choices. You've always had choices. Even when you've felt <<cyclinglink "lonely" "exhausted" "frightened" "miserable" "helpless" end>>. You came here for escape, not for death. If you'd wanted the latter you could have found it far easier." She shrugs. "Perhaps I'm wrong. But most of the ones like you don't know what they want. Or they do, but can't name it. Maybe you believe you're unworthy of it. Foolishness. That, if anything, shows you're human."\n\n"So. Choices. I can give you what you've asked me for - or I can give you what you seek.\n\n[[ask for death]]\n[[ask for change]]

You could spend a lifetime unraveling the web. You [[will]].

She's reclining on a green plush sofa you don't recognize. She must have redecorated recently. One manicured hand holds her phone to her ear. She's talking, rapidly, more rapidly than you're used to. Her voice sounds <<cyclinglink $mother "concerned" "frustrated" "indifferent">>. She doesn't seem to notice your presence.\n\n[[listen|listen mother]]

She just shakes her head. "Geometry isn't useful," is all she says. "Vast enough."\n\n[[okay|labyrinth end]]

Something glints on the surface of the pond. Your reflection. It shifts.\nYou turn, alarmed, to the witch - \nonly to see your own arms are outstretched, beseeching.\nShe nods towards the [[pond]].

They're gone. Into ash and a dozen small specks of paper, scattered on the wind. Everything they've told you was your fault.\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>Your mistakes are yours, now, foolish but finite. They'll stop hurting someday.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 12s>>The crash of a branch brings you back. The tree is still [[burning|watch the tree blaze]].<<endtimedinsert>>

"I thought you might feel that way." Something that looks like triumph on her face.\n\nShe isn't the only one, though. You came here for something new, and you [[found|Turn back to the woods]] it.

The light is liquid in the spaces between your bones, slithering into hollows you'd long ago hoped would stop aching. It's a strange feeling, searing and intimate. You know something is changing, shifting back into place, but you cannot name it.\n\nPerhaps that's a gift: after the exhaustive inventories of every different kind of pain, of mapping every loss and failure of your body, of learning every possible way to describe what's happened to you sand knowing not a one of them truly conveys the horror of it - you cannot name your transformation. It is between you and your skin.\n\nYou stay submerged in the water a long, long time.\n\n<<timedinsert 15s>>Eventually, you're aware of the slippery feel of the water itself, cool against your <<if $lost eq "hands">>hands<<else if $lost eq "skin">>skin<<else if $lost eq "heart">>heart<<else if $lost eq "integrity">>chest<<endif>>. How long has it been since you felt sensation plainly, fully?\n\n[[hhhh]]<<endtimedinsert>>

<<set $lost to "heart">>You imagine it still pumps blood through your body. You haven't felt it in a long time.\n\n[[...]]

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They offer<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She offers<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He offers<<endif>> you a grin, not as easy as it usually comes, and a nod to the bartender.\n\n"Another for my friend here." You don't mind; you have similar taste in drinks.\n\n"I didn't expect to see you out tonight. It's been a while."\n\n[["I felt like a change."]]\n[["It's been too long."]]\n[["I didn't want to be alone."]]

A thread that splits like a branch, every shoot new and flourishing.\nNew Years resolutions. Promises. Contracts, gym memberships, insincere plans to reconnect. You even meant some of them, once. They whisper of potential, and of loss. There are so [[many]].

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She laughs<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He laughs<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They laugh<<endif>>, but it doesn't sound particularly amused. "And I'm not? You don't know the half of it."\n\nYou rather think it's the other way around.\n\n"Not the everyday cruelties and betrayals. We're not talking about infidelity or abuse."\n\n<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She arches<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He arches<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They arch<<endif>> that brow at you again. "What, then?"\n\n[["I've killed people."]]\n[["I'm a monster."]]\n[[lose your nerve]]

The glen, again. The shards of light still scattered. The gleam draws your eye. You can't help but glance. So much promise. So much more.\n\nThe witch looks satisfied. "There's so much in you that //could// happen; it seems terribly unfair to be satisfied with what //has// happened. You see that, now."\n\nYou find her difficult to [[focus]] on.

You're back in the clearing, again. There are no more birds to startle with your screams.\n\nThe witch raises a brow. "Again."\n\n[["Enough."|enough 2]]\n[[go back|go back 2]]

You begin to see signs of life. Thick vines trailing fragrant white whispering flowers drape themselves over the metal branches. Squirrels chitter at each other in the unforgiving blue glare. Real trees - as far as you can tell in the neon pulse - begin to appear. The path is strewn with dry cracked wood, fragments of rusting metal, broken tubes.\n\nBy the time the path widens into open space, you can't see any of the architecture. The cathode glare has faded to a lambent glow. It looks like any other forest. But you know better. You've seen what's underneath.\n\nYour way has widened into a clearing with [[a still pool of water]].

A living room you don't recognize. <<cyclinglink $exgender "He" "She" "They">> must have moved recently. You can just make out words.\n\n[[listen|listen ex]]

It's singing inside you, a new frequency. Your fingertips are glowing from within. This is a rough and wild magic. You can't control it; neither can the witch. You are both only conduits.\n\nThe light sparks up your nerves, races up your spine. You [[shiver]].

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The path you take is labyrinthine. Huge stones fallen across tangled roots, twists in the road, a brackish trickle of water in a creek bed. These are old-growth woods, untouched by fire but not by time.\n\nThe witch stumbles suddenly ahead of you. A rock's come loose.\n\n[[look closer]]

The bar. The bitter glass. <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>Their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>Her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>His<<endif>> gentle concern. How many times are you going to have to look at <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>, knowing what you've done? <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He<<endif>> only wanted the best for you. You wish that were possible.\n\n"Another for my friend here." You can taste the darkness in your throat already.\n\n"I didn't expect to see you out tonight. It's been a while."\n\n[["Mmm."]] There's no point.\n[["I guess it has."]] No point at all.\n[["I'm sorry."]] You can't change the past.

The bar, again. Your foe, predatory. Or so he imagines. He doesn't know what you are, can't fathom you're capable of anything more than the ordinary cruelties that make up a life. \n\n"Surprised you'd show your face here." \n\nYour fangs grind involuntarily. You can't help it, even now.\n\n<<if $feeling eq "vindication">>[["You don't want to start this with me."]] You'd do it again, gladly.<<else if>>[["Are you sure you want to do this?"]]He seems so petty now.<<endif>>\n[[walk away|walk away 3]] Break the cycle. Or try.

They smell faintly of amber and smoke.\n\n<<set $has_hyacinths to 1>>\n\n[[place them on the rock|your bounty]]

Your blood pulses, an inexorable song. You cannot calm down.\n\n[[turn on them|turn on them 2]]

"Yeah, hi," <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he says<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she says<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they say<<endif>>, barely sparing you a second glance. <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>He turns<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>She turns<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>They turn<<endif>> back to a blond whose long-fingered hand covers a laughing mouth.\n\nYou lean forward, but you can't quite catch what <<if $newpersongender eq "him">>he's<<else if $newpersongender eq "her">>she's<<else if $newpersongender eq "them">>they're<<endif>> saying. Something about football?\n\n[[laugh along]]\n[[respond]]\n[[wait for a different opening]]

You are capable of [[lying|lying strength]].\nYou are capable of [[cleverness|strength cleverness]].\nYou are capable of [[mistakes|mistakes strength]].\nYou are capable of [[candor|strength candor]].\nYou are capable of [[kindness|kindness strength]].

The blossoms feel like silk and water under your hands. Soothing already.<<set $has_narcissus to 1>>\n\n[[place them on the rock|your bounty]]

Absolution, or something like it. A detente with yourself.\n\nA small smile plays at the witch's lips.\n\n<<timedgoto "Turn back to the woods" 7s>>

Cold night air. Crouched against the brick, you put your head between your knees, try to calm your breathing.\n\nHis voice shatters the relative calm.\n\n"What's wrong?" Gloating, triumphant. "I couldn't have said anything //that// upsetting."\n\nOf course he didn't. Of course not. It's always been you. Your reactions, your lack of control, your pain. It sings in the tensed space between tendon and bone. And then that thin thread [[snaps]] -

"They often do." Her voice is dry. Almost amused: but not quite. She doesn't ask who "they" are. "I don't suppose //they// told you what seeking me out entails."\n\nThat <<cyclinglink "desperation" "exhaustion" "determination" "fear" "longing" "world-weariness" "desire" "pain" "loss" "guilt">> you'd felt earlier, that brought you here, comes crashing back down on you.\n\n[[they didn't]]\n[[they did, actually]]\n[[you'd rather hear it from her]]

<<if $location eq "a white-walled hospital room">>You try to sit up, but your movement is sluggish, drugged. The tubes poking through your skin restrict your movement. You should have remembered. But everything's been [[hazy]] lately.<<else if $location eq "your own bed">>You try - and then [[burrow]] back into the familiar sheets, your downy comforter that's swaddled you on cold nights. As if cocooning could bring back what you're missing. Or protect you from falling apart more.<<else if $location eq "an unfamiliar bedroom">>Someone sleeping beside you. Short hair ruffled against the pillow; body ensconced in the duvet. You have no idea who they are. Fuck. You run a hand over your face, try to sneak out of the bed without waking them. Your leg jostles against theirs, but they only bury their face further in the pillows. You still aren't sure who they are.\n\n[[find your clothes]]<<endif>>

She considers you a long moment. Her gaze on your skin crawls.\n\n"Yes. I suppose that's true. Some might call you a monster, but I wouldn't. They say that about me, too. It's just a word people use when they can't or don't want to understand."\n\nThe witch offers you her hand. She doesn't seem afraid.\n\n"Perhaps you'd better [[come]] with me."

<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They don't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She doesn't<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He doesn't<<endif>> know what to say to that, concealing <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>his<<endif>> hesitation with a sip of beer. Finally, <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they set their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she sets her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he sets his<<endif>> glass down. "Can you fix them?"\n\nYou weren't expecting that.\n\n[["No."|confess]]

You are capable of [[so much]].

You reach forward. A kaleidoscope of grief, ecstasy, contempt, self-sacrifice. Uncountable emotions that slide from your grasp before you can even name them. The universe, laid bare.\n\n[[Closer]].

Almost without pause, you step forward, breaking the predator's smooth strike. The snake's fangs sink into your calf. Duller than you thought they'd be. So this is how it feels. The mouse skitters away into the undergrowth.\n\nThe witch looks at you. "Are you all right?"\n\n[["I'm fine."]]\n[["A bit shaken."]]\n[["What just happened - "]]

You are capable of [[bravery|bravery kindness]].\nYou are capable of [[cleverness|cleverness kindness]].\nYou are capable of [[lying|lying kindness]].\nYou are capable of [[brutality|brutality kindness]].\nYou are capable of [[selfishness|mistakes kindness]].

"Time is different here."\n\n[[er]]

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> eyes widen. "What the - " The knuckles gripping <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> glass go white. \n\nWhen <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she speaks<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he speaks<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they speak<<endif>> next, it's coldly composed. "Well, I can't say I didn't expect it from //you//."\n\nYou'd expected anger, recriminations, obscenities, tears. But acceptance? The belief that you were always capable of something like that?\n\nThe red rage courses through you. You [[lunge]] -

Maybe it's not worth it. Maybe you just want a bit more time with <<print $vamplovergender>>. You smile, lopsided, and say nothing. It doesn't reach your eyes.\n\nAnd then <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth is covering yours, hot and insistent and burning and you shouldn't, you're in public, and oh -\n\nand then //oh// - \n\nIt takes over, and you bite down, hard, on <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> lip. Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can do more than yelp in surprise your mouth is on <<print $vamplovergender>>, and there's screaming, and you've been here before, and then [[nothing]] -

"Are you sure? You'll never know if you could have resolved it. But if it's too much..."\n\n[[you're sure]]\n[[go back]]

Dwelling isn't going to help. Whatever it was, it's gone now. Like all the rest. <<if $location eq "a white-walled hospital room">>[[Lie back]]. Stop fighting the machines keeping you alive. They don't trust you to do it for yourself. Maybe they shouldn't.<<else>>Get out of there. [[Keep going]].<<endif>>

She holds your gaze. "The truth. You need to say it."\n\n[["I hurt them."]]\n[["I hurt myself."]]\n[["It didn't hurt enough."]]

You're back in the bar. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He offers<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They offer<<endif>> you a quirked smile - part invitation, part challenge - and and <<if $vamplovergender eq "they">>gesture<<else>>gestures<<endif>> to the bartender. You should have known it wouldn't be that easy.\n\n"Hey. Let me get you a drink - whisky, right?"\n\n[["Right."]] How much can you really change? It's only in your head.\n[["Actually, I'd rather a beer."]] You want to see how much - if anything - you can affect.\n[["Maybe just a glass of water."]] You'll try to keep a clear head. If that's even possible.

You are capable of [[mistakes|mistakes bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[cleverness|cleverness bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[lying|lying bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[brutality|brutality bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[kindness|kindness bravery]].

You are capable of [[bravery|brutality bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[cleverness|cleverness brutality]].\nYou are capable of [[mistakes|mistakes brutality]].\nYou are capable of [[candor|candor brutality]].\nYou are capable of [[kindness|brutality kindness]].

You hear the echo of your own words in the clearing. Slowly, slowly, that empty space gapes open. What you splintered gnaws into your chest.\n\n[[keep breathing]]

You bend down to investigate. It turns out to be a small hedgehog. His spines glow gold. (Wisdom and heart-comfort, if that's what you need.) He blinks at you warily.\n\n[[pick him up]]\n[[let him go]]

You're back in the glen, her shock and grief still a lump in your throat. You blink at the sudden loss of unexpected intimacy. Your gut churns at the thought of being so close to someone else without their knowledge or consent.\n\n"That isn't what you were expecting, I imagine."\n\n[[nope]]

The witch laughs, an earthy, appealing sound. It echoes around the glen. Little slivers of light fall from the spread branches. "Many things are siren songs." She sounds fond.\n\n"Desire. Knowledge. Power. And yet you've chosen your own annihilation."\n\nShe doesn't say anything else. You [[tramp]] silently together through the woods.

"It has, hasn't it," she agrees, still smiling. "I haven't seen you out anywhere - not Sean's leaving drinks, or Katie's birthday."\n\nYou //were// at Katie's birthday. You don't remember the night well. You don't recall anyone you talked to, any meaningful conversations you had. You might as well not have been there.\n\n[["I was at Katie's, actually. The fancy dress party?"]]

In the commotion, and the aftermath, you've arrived at a small glen without realizing. Thick boughs droop gracefully towards the earth. The brackish eddy has swollen to a stream. The water is clear and pure and bubbling. There is a fairy pool by the shore, ringed by slippery rocks and cinnabar-red chanterelles. This is a place of magic.\n\nYou feel <<cyclinglink "uncomfortable" "unworthy" "suspicious" "renewed">>.\n\n[[look to the witch]]\n[[look to the pond]]

You struggle to the shore, legs leaden. Every inch is another knife. Every dripping piece of flesh exposed to air sets your nerves trembling again. But you're out. You've done it.\n\nThe air bites into you. Your teeth are [[chattering]]. You'll never be warm again.

"For what?" There's nothing but concern in <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>his<<endif>> eyes; <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they lean<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she leans<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he leans<<endif>> forward to listen. For a moment, you imagine you could tell <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>> your secret, that <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they'd<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she'd<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he'd<<endif>> understand.\n\n[["I've done terrible things."]] That's not a lie.\n[["...I wish I'd been a better friend."]] That's not a lie, either.

The alleyway is thankfully deserted. You take several deep, calming breaths of the cold night air. They're not enough.\n\n"Hey, are you all right?"\n\nIt's too late. The rage has built; the red hunger has you in its grasp. You turn on <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>. The last thing you remember seeing is an awful look of recognition, and then [[nothing|nothing 2]] -

She's looking at you, curiously. "Are you all right? You seem - pale." You know.\n\n"Maybe you should get a drink. I should, too. I can't think where Jamie's gone with my glass - "\n\nWith that, she <<if $flingadjective eq "pantherine grace">> springs <<else if $flingadjective eq "comfortable solidity">>heaves <<else if $flingadjective eq "sharp angles">>twists <<endif>> herself off the couch, that <<print $flingadjective>>shining through in every line of their body. You wish you were that present.\n\n[[as always|as always 2]]

Whatever you hoped for, this wasn't it.\n\nShe shrugs. "There are limits to my power. To all power. There is only so much I can offer you without giving up too much of myself. You might still find it, out there in the world."\n\n[[okay|Turn back to the woods]]

She sighs. "Suit yourself. But if that's //truly// what you want... " \n\nHer eyes glint. "You must agree to my methods. And my terms."\n\nIt's only fair, isn't it?\n\n[["What are the terms?"]]

The traces of light leaking from your palms drag you to the water. You aren't strong enough to resist. You don't lean towards the surface so much as [[collapse]] under the pull.

So many infinite fragments of shining possibility. One, the green of new leaves, the promises you always wanted to keep. Dull storm grey, coiling, protecting itself. Gold, gleaming, the lie you've never been able to shake. The one you never wanted to.\n\nYou can almost see the pattern.\n\n[[follow the green thread]]\n[[follow the grey thread]]\n[[follow the gold thread]]

She laughs. "No one likes to. They don't want the responsibility."\n\n[[...|decision]]

<<once>>A small gap in the trees. A flat rock lies in the middle of the copse, covered in [[moss]]. Flowers, [[purple]] and [[white]], riot over a [[rotting]] log. There is a [[rustle]] in the undergrowth.\n\n"I have a salve, but it won't be as effective without the right tonic. It's up to you to find what you need. If you come across something you think may help, place it on the rock, and I'll add it to the potion. You only get one, of course - anything more will disturb the balance."\n\nIt's a good thing you did your research before coming here. You thought there might be a test. It seems you weren't wrong.<<endonce>>\n\n<<later>>A small gap in the trees. A flat rock lies in the middle of the copse, covered in [[moss]]. Flowers, [[purple]] and [[white]], riot over a [[rotting]] log. There is a [[rustle]] in the undergrowth.<<endlater>>

You hadn't known <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> felt that way about you. You had always [[looked up]] to <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>him<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>her<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>them<<endif>>; <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he'd<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she'd<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they'd<<endif>> given you [[good advice]]. You thought <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> [[cared]] about your success, valued your potential.\n\nYou swallow a lump in your [[throat|dissolve]].

Violets. A particular sort, found only in this forest. After a rain they swell with dew and cast pollen into the air that settles silver on the forest. They are said to bring renewal, healing, and to prevent minor kitchen injuries.\n\n[[gather some up]]\n[[maybe not|Interstitial wood gathering]]

"So. You must have been desperate to come to me." Yellow eyes peer out at you from the undergrowth. Quiet. Hungry. You aren't alone. "Before you tell me what you need: this is my forest. I obey its laws; it obeys mine."\n\n"If you want my help: you'll agree to my bargains. Or you can walk away now, leave the woods unscathed. And unchanged." She smiles. Those sharp white teeth. As if she knows already. Knows how far you're prepared to go.\n\n[[agree]] You're curious, or desperate.\n[[decline]] Perhaps you don't trust witches' bargains.

"Remember how you felt. It isn't always easy, when you leave the forest." She offers you a lopsided smile. "You'll forget, of course. They always do. But something might linger. Let it."\n\n[[let it]]\n[[deny it]]

//Widdershins//. You nodded authoritatively when they said the word, and looked it up after in the privacy of your apartment. Why don't they just [[say|wait start]] counter-clockwise? \n\nWitches.

"Well, good for you." \n\nThe bartender slides a pint towards you. You take an experimental sip: a dark porter, a bitter bite. It's not to your taste, but you can't exactly refuse a memory.\n\n<<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>They raise their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>She raises her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>He raises his<<endif>> own glass to you. "Cheers, then. To changing."\n\n[["To changing."]]

<<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They tense<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She tenses<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He tenses<<endif>> infinitesimally as you reach out to <<print $ghostgender1>>, as if your touch carries a chill. <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>Their<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>Her<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>His<<endif>> hands come up awkwardly, search for purchase on your back, find none. \n\nThey slide off; <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>they jam<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>she jams<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>he jams<<endif>> them into the back pockets of their jeans. You're left craving touch more than you were before you tried. The silence stretches out. You've got to say something.\n\n[["Well...hi!"]]\n[["How have you been?"]]

"I can see that. It will be curious to see what effect you've had on the water."\n\n[[try again|Try again 2]]

You come back to yourself, by the side of the pond. You are sweating freely. Drops of perspiration fall into the water and mingle with the stream.\n\n"Well, that's new."\n\n[["It was different this time."]]

As you gaze, your face begins to shudder, to ripple outwards. Fissures in your flesh crack open to reveal a dark stillness beneath. It's the pond. The pond. Not what's seething beneath your skin. Breathe.\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>The tremors radiate outwards, in perfect small circles. You realize you are crying.\n\n[[look away|Look away]]<<endtimedinsert>>

the roar of jet engines crushing towards a center point of light - \n\na structure of glass, crystalline honeycombs of light blazing. layer on layer of impossible geometries. it calls you.\n\n[[smash through the layers]]\n[[peel back the light]]\n[[resonate with the frequency]]

Your silhouette pulses with light. You still see your face, familiar, in the blazing corona, but it's different now. Or perhaps you're finally seeing it right.\n\nIt won't be perfect. You won't be perfect. You're complicated, messy, human. Others will still outshine you, ignore you, leave you. Love you less than you wish. But you won't disappear. You [[know|life]] that now.

The bar. The glass. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> smile. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>Her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>His<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>Their<<endif>> hands. How many times are you going to have to look at <<print $vamplovergender>>, knowing what you've done? You could have loved <<print $vamplovergender>>. You know that now.\n\n"Hey. Let me get you a drink - whisky, right?" Still <<print $voice>>.\n\n[["Sure."]] There's no point.\n[["Not thirsty."]] No point at all.\n[["I love you."]] You can't change the past.

"Really? Well that's too bad. Another time, then?" There's hurt in <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> eyes. You swallow guilt. <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She'd<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He'd<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They'd<<endif>> be hurt worse, if you stuck around.\n\n(<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She //was//<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He //was//<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They //were//<<endif>> hurt worse.)\n\n"Sure. See you around."\n\nYou turn on your heel and walk out, into the alley behind the bar, exhaling a shaky breath as you pass through the worn steel door. You did it. You did it. You didn't hurt <<print $vamplovergender>>.\n\nRelief and the red hunger course through you in equal measure. You give yourself over to it, finally, ravening your own flesh, sacrificing yourself in their place. Blood slicks your torso, your arms, your thighs. The world goes [[dark]].

"You're not bound to your body any longer. Your choices. Your memories." She gestures to the pond. "Go and see."\n\n[[come and see]]

"You have to. It's the only way. Sometimes there's a choice - but not here. That's why there are stories about creatures like us - the monster and the witch. I'm sorry."\n\nYou nod. There doesn't seem to be anything else to say. You step back to the edge of the pond. You place both hands flat on the surface, so the light-lines meet their mirrors and converge. If they can.\n\nA flash, and then you're [[gone|gone Fangs 2]].

The traces of light leaking from your palms drag you to the water. You aren't strong enough to resist. You don't lean towards the surface so much as [[collapse]] under the pull.

A luminescent wisp, almost lost in the dark water. You reach out to try to [[grasp]] it -\n

A sympathetic look. "My, you //are// in pain. I'll do my best for you." Somehow, that's not entirely comforting.\n\nShe tucks your offering into her shapeless - dress? cloak? you aren't sure. It rustles around her feet as the relentless chirp of crickets reaches a fevered height. She pays no heed, only continues [[on|on start]].

You're back in the clearing, again. There are no more birds to startle with your screams.\n\nThe witch raises a brow. "How did it feel?"\n\nThat <<print $feeling>> crashes in on you. You can't speak.\n\n"You'll have to feel it again." Her smile is not kind. "You're lucky. That's what most people want, or think they do, when they imagine vengeance. And now you have the chance. Lucky you."\n\n[["Enough."|enough 3]]\n[[go back|go back 3]]

You're alone, except for the witch. You try to recall how <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth felt under yours, but even that's vanished. \n\nYour lips press together; your canines slice through flesh. Blood in your mouth, drowning the memory of <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> taste.\n\nOnly a memory. \n\n[[still]], just for one moment -\n[[not enough]]

She listens to your objections, and shrugs. "That's why you came to me. But it's your choice. It's always been your choice. You can walk away without it. But this is the price."\n\nThe thing looks at you reproachfully.\n\n[[surrender|Accept]]\n[[walk away|Walk away]]

Back in the glen, catching your breath, hands still held out in front of you as if you could still grasp the threads.\n\nYou must look aghast at the loss, because the witch tsks irritably at you. "They're not //gone//. You haven't even lost the ability to //see// them. But you can't do it for too long here; this is a place of power. Potentials shift and crumble like sand here. It's safer to practice outside the forest."\n\nThat makes sense.\n\n[["Okay."]]

"There are easier ways to keep me on my toes." But <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they lean<<endif>> in for a kiss. Relief and pleasure flood your veins, almost drowning out the clamoring hunger. You know it won't last. You know it's not real. But you're thankful for the moment anyway.\n\n<<timedinsert 4s>>Too quickly, it's over. The moment slips through your grasp. You're back in the [[clearing|clearing 2]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

She nods. "Trying is all you can do. You'll fail, you know. We all do, sometimes. But that's all right. They'll grow back anyways."\n\n[[maybe|Turn back to the woods]]

She shakes her head. "I don't know. Everyone's different. It ought to last. If it doesn't - " She doesn't say more. She doesn't have to.\n\nFor now, you can still feel the effects. The night air sends a comforting chill through your skin, your hands, your beating heart. You [[breathe it in|CREDITS]].

The witch watches you, impassively. She is patient. She will wait as long as she needs.\n[[fine|Look]]

"Oh!" She looks vaguely guilty. "I wish I'd seen you - it would have been nice to catch up." She doesn't meet your eyes.\n\n"I ought to go see where Jaime's gone to with my drink. But I'll see you around?"\n\nWith that, she <<if $flingadjective eq "pantherine grace">> springs <<else if $flingadjective eq "comfortable solidity">>heaves <<else if $flingadjective eq "sharp angles">>twists <<endif>> herself off the couch, that <<print $flingadjective>> shining through in every line of her body. \n\nShe always had an energy: that's what drew you to her, that weekend away. That vitality singing through her blood. You thought perhaps you might -\n\n[[but no|as always 2]].

Well. You know how to [[find your way back]] if you change your mind. Until then, the path [[out|CREDITS]] is easy to find.

You're back in the glen, your body still singing with light. Your heartbeat pulses a rhythm that still resonates with that frequency. The music - if it is music - is part of you now.\n\n"That's what that sort of magic does." Her mouth curves up. Recognition. "It's larger than your own body. Still, if you'd been looking for escape, you might find..."\n\nYou're barely listening. All you want to do is let it pour out of you. All that [[light|Turn back to the woods]].

You barely respond to the toast; drink in near-silence. When you can stand it no longer, you drop several bills on the counter without looking at <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>, and head straight for the alley.\n\nYour friend doesn't follow. You're [[alone]] in the night air.

Fangs grind into teeth. Your mouth fills with the tang of your own blood. You choke it down.\n\nYou mumble your excuses through a closed mouth, so he doesn't see the red stains, and [[vanish|break 2]]. Does it feel any better?

<<print $mentorgender>> voice was strong and authoritative; <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they<<endif>> had a way of commanding a room. You wished you had that sort of power, that kind of raw charisma that would make everyone listen to your ideas.\n\n<<if $mentorgender eq "His">>He<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>She<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>They<<endif>> said <<if $mentorgender eq "His">>he'd<<else if $mentorgender eq "Her">>she'd<<else if $mentorgender eq "Their">>they'd<<endif>> [[teach|mentor memory]] you.

But they're gone, aren't they?\n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>They can't hurt you anymore.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 9s>>The crash of a branch brings you back. The tree is still [[burning|watch the tree blaze]].<<endtimedinsert>>

She laughs, but there's no humor in it. "I'm here, aren't I?"\n\nThat doesn't seem to be an answer.\n\n"Try again." It isn't a suggestion.\n\n[["All right."]]

<<set $lost to "hands">>You can't trust them anymore. They don't obey you, get you into trouble. They shake too much; at the wrong times.\n\n[[...]]

<<cyclinglink $mentorgender "His" "Her" "Their">> office. The leather desk chair turned away from you. You can just make out words.\n\n[[listen|listen mentor]]

<<set $face to "man">>Rage pulses in his chest. A muscle jumps in his cheek. He tries to bite back his words. He doesn't want to hurt his lover, even though Jack hasn't shown //him// the same consideration.\n\n"You can't treat me that way, as if my feelings are a joke." His words stick in your throat. That's so much kinder than what you - than what //he// - wanted to say.\n\nYou swallow someone else's sense of futility and [[loss|until rage]].

She turns right, scrambles over a fallen log, surprisingly spry for a woman who carries a walking stick. You scramble to [[keep up|Right]].

She smirks. "Is //that// all." It didn't seem so simple to you. "Well, I'm sure I can find something else you haven't tried." It sounds like a challenge.\n\n[["Like what?"]]\n[[it's all you want]]

You can't bring yourself to do that to another person. Or maybe you're curious about what lies [[inside you]].

<<set $monster to "werewolf">>You don't feed. Not in that way, at least. It's just the rage inside of you, so thick it chokes, more a part of you than yourself. Just the rage. "Just".\n\nThe body is cooling.\n\n[[cover it with something]]\n[[flee]]

"Good. Brave, at least. That's more important."\n\nShe extends one [[hand|accept]] to you, palm upward.

The clearing is choked with hawthorn bushes and brambles, bare trees, their knotted branches shining under the full moon, and a vast pond, still and quiet. The moonlight shimmers on the water, smooth as glass and bright as hate. You would see yourself as you are, if you looked in.\n\n[[look|Look]]\n[[no|No]]

You can only hear fragments of her conversation.\n\n"I haven't, no, not in ages. I keep meaning to call, but - " <<if $mother eq "concerned">>"I don't know how to reach - "<<else if $mother eq "frustrated">>"I'm just so exasperated; it's like talking to a brick wall - "<<else if $mother eq "indifferent">>"I'd know if I were needed, don't you think?"<<endif>>\n\nShe sighs. "It isn't natural, for a child to ignore their mother."\n\nYou wince. There's a sense of relief when the scene you've just witnessed starts to run at the edges and [[dissolve|mother memory]] -

"Absolution."\n\nIt hangs in the air. You feel flayed to the bone. The eyes roam over you, your naked weakness. You realize that your hands are trembling.\n\nShe nods, once. "That will do."\n\n[[into the wood]]

"Sure thing, kid. Bad hangover?"\n\n"I feel like death." No trace of a smile on your face, but <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she grins<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he grins<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they grin<<endif>> at you anyway, that rakish smile.\n\n"Well you sure don't look like it."\n\nAnd then <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth is covering yours, hot and insistent and burning and you shouldn't, you're in public, and oh -\n\nand then //oh// - \n\nIt takes over, and you bite down, hard, on <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> lip. Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can do more than yelp in surprise your mouth is on <<print $vamplovergender>>, and there's [[screaming]] -

Naked and whole and vulnerable, you emerge from the water. Dripping. Glistening in the moonlight. Your own blood thrums in your ears. Your darting heart pulses beneath your breastbone. \n\nYou make short work of dressing, shivering as you are. When you're done, the witch looks to you.\n\n"It seems to have worked."\n\n[[nod]]\n[[you're not sure|shake yr head]]\n[["For how long?"]]

"You came to me for absolution. You wanted it to hurt more."\n\nHer eyes are sharp.\n\n"You're going to set the fire. You're going to watch it burn. Something new will come of this."\n\nShe presses something into your hand. A <<continue>>pen.<<endcontinue>>pen. An ordinary ballpoint pen you can find at the drugstore. And a sheet of loose [[paper]].

Crossroads was written and coded by Cat Manning in [[Twine|http://twinery.org/]], with additional code by [[Leon Arnott|http://l.j-factor.com/]] \n\nBeta-tested by A.M. Guay, Talitha, Rick Baer, and Celia Martel. \n\nThe title image is [[Deep in the forest, Christmas Eve|https://www.flickr.com/photos/movito/2214551923/]] by Flickr user [[Fredrik Matheson|https://www.flickr.com/photos/movito/]] and is used under Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

"[[Look harder]]. Tell me what you really see."

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She laughs<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He laughs<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They laugh<<endif>>, audible even over the thumping bass. "Show me."\n\nAnd then <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> mouth is covering yours, hot and insistent and burning and you shouldn't, you're in public, and oh -\n\nand then //oh// - \n\nIt takes over, and you bite down, hard, on <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>her<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>his<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>their<<endif>> lip. Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can do more than yelp in surprise your mouth is on <<print $vamplovergender>>, and there's screaming, and you've been here before, and then [[nothing]] -

You're at a party, crammed into someone's chic split-level walkup. Bright EDM pulses a communal heartbeat through the mass of bodies, smiling, laughing, drinking, pressing up against each other. No one smiles at you, offers you a drink, presses up against you. You might as well be invisible.\n\nThen, across the room, you catch someone's eye.\n\n[[A friend.]] You haven't seen <<cyclinglink $ghostgender1 "them" "her" "him">> in ages.\n[[An old fling.]] It might be nice to catch up.\n[[Someone new.]] You don't know them, but you'd like to.

"Good." Almost a purr. "What have you brought me, as an offering?"\n\n[[Lavender]]. For renewal, and peace.\n[[Bay]]. For protection, and strength.\n[[Wormwood]]. Poison. She'll know how to use it.

Your friend's queries are met with the barest of responses. As the evening wears on, rejection and hurt begins to flash in <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>his<<endif>> eyes. When you can stand it no longer, you drop several bills on the counter without looking at <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>them<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>him<<endif>>, and head straight for the alley.\n\nYour friend doesn't follow. You're [[alone]] in the night air.

Knowing yourself has drained you. There's something you've lost. Scooped out. Hollow. You don't know what it is. You don't know if you'll miss it. But your breathing is easier.\n\n[[(now what)]]

Your reflection, shimmering on the water. Look at yourself.\n\nYour <<cyclinglink "brown" "green" "blue" "black" "hazel" "grey" "dead">> eyes look back.\n\nHas it always been so difficult to meet your own gaze?\n\n<<timedinsert 15s>><<timedreplace 10s>>Fight the urge to look away. She gave you the task.<<becomes>>Anatomize your face. Take yourself apart. Brows. Lips. Nose. Cheekbones. Chin. The curve of your jaw. The guilt in your eyes. <<becomes>>As you focus on one feature, the rest slip your gaze, turn hazy and indistinct. You can't hold on to yourself.<<becomes>>Breathe. Breathe.<<becomes>>It's you. Just you.<<endtimedreplace>><<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 65s>>...of course, that's the problem, isn't it?<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 65s>>It's always only been you.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 65s>>Just you, and what you've done.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 75s>>Nearly unbearable, now.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedgoto "Breathe" 85s>>

"You don't sound fine." His voice drips with feigned concern. \n\nYou don't have the patience for this. It's already gnawing at you, blurring your resistance to a soft haze. As much as you might want to sink your teeth into his supple neck, tear that fragile vein until it gouts hot blood over your face and his, close at last -\n\nNo. You push past him, the feel of his body against yours only making the hunger clamor louder. The dance floor is a potential slaughter. You [[break]] for the freedom of the alley -

You do nothing. It isn't your affair. The snake lunges forward, one fluid brutal motion. It's over in seconds.\n\nThe witch looks at you. "Are you all right?"\n\n[["I'm fine."]]\n[["A bit shaken."]]\n[["What just happened - "]]

You start to speak, but she waves her hand, and you fall silent. It probably isn't a spell. "It doesn't matter." Her eyes are sharp and dark as they look you over. "The stories about me are rarely true."\n\n[[...|decision]]

"I'm not entirely sure I am, though. Death is a puzzle: universal, unknowable, ineluctable. I'm not sure we can categorize it definitively. Other experiences, certainly." She flashes you a predatory smile. "You'll experience that soon enough."\n\nYou keep [[walking|to the location]] in silence, only broken by the occasional snap of a twig.

You clench a fist and swing. The light fractures. Fractal patterns bloom in the wreckage. Faces, some you know and some you've never seen before, shimmer in them. Infinite possibilities, emotions, stories. They're close enough to [[touch]].

You are capable of [[bravery]].\nYou are capable of [[cleverness]].\nYou are capable of [[strength]].\nYou are capable of [[brutality]].\nYou are capable of [[kindness]].

<<cyclinglink "In." "Out." "In." "Out.">>\n\n<<timedinsert 10s>>As you breathe, you watch. The roots have begun to nestle deeper. Pale green shoots poke hesitantly through the wreckage.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedgoto "she looks at you" 15s>>

The silence stretches. \n\n<<timedinsert 5s>>"You're looking - well," she offers. As if she doesn't notice the dark circles. The dullness of your hair. How your skin's shrinking back from your brittle nails.\n\n[["So are you."]]<<endtimedinsert>>

You're glad to see <<print $ghostgender1>>, jeans and a white t-shirt glowing slighly in the low light. You hurry to <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>their<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>her<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>his<<endif>> side. Though the living room is full, bodies part to make space for you without noticing your presence, without brushing up against you or nodding. Your skin aches for contact.\n\n"Hey," you say. Your voice is too soft to be heard over the music.\n\n[["HEY."]]\n[[raise a hand in greeting]]\n[[go in for a hug]]\n

"One doesn't always." Her voice is dry. "But if you keep hurting and don't learn, you'll be more wound than whole. Come on, I'll patch you up. This time."\n\nShe starts off towards the wood, leaning on her stick. She is in no hurry.\n\n[[Follow|Interstitial wood gathering]]

The mushrooms cluster on the shore, as if they grew in riot towards the water. Of course, that's ridiculous; mushrooms don't need water. And yet you can't shake the thought.\n\nThe surface of the pond seems almost undisturbed by the currents that carry leaves and twigs further downstream, away from the glen. You can just make out the barest hint of your reflection and the witch's, just on the edge of the water, from where you're standing.\n\n[[look to the witch]]

Hnngh. You can't face another loss. You take remorseless inventory of all your failings. What's wrong now?\n\n[[your heart]]\n[[your hands]]\n[[your skin]]\n[[your integrity]]

"Good. Don't trouble yourself. It's the way of the forest. Cyclical. Predator and prey. Of course, your case is more - complicated." She purses her lips delicately.\n\nYou're not sure how you want to respond to that statement. Or to the look on her face. You [[continue]] in silence.

Smug, condescending, lying bastard. But you can't prove it. Even though every word drips with detached contempt. He plays the game well. You're trapped. The monster [[stirs]].

"A ritual. My own devising." The witch shakes her head, her close-cropped curls an eerie corona in the moonlight. "If it really is death itself you sought when you came here, and not just the boundaries of experience - well. That's my bargain. Take it or leave it. I won't say more."\n\n[[Agree]] You're curious, or you want it enough.\n[[Decline]] You're distrustful, or stubborn.

The alleyway, again. Their voice, close at your ear. The same words. The same red haze.\n\n[[try to calm down|try to calm down 2]]\n[[tell them to run]]

It coalesces into a soft sphere of pulsing gold. If you could only grasp it, you might be able to hold it, safe and whole and cherished.\n\n[[grasp for it]]\n[[that's not what light does]]

The hunger is still gnawing at you, blurring your resistance to that familiar haze. You still want to sink your teeth into his supple neck, tear that fragile vein until it gouts hot blood over your face and his, close at last -\n\nNo. You push past him, the feel of his body against yours making the hunger clamor louder. The dance floor is a still slaughter. It always will be. You [[break|break 2]] for the freedom of the alley, again, as you always do in your nightmares -

You step back to the edge of the pond. This time, you're prepared. You place both hands flat on the surface, so the light-lines meet their mirrors and converge. If they can.\n\nA flash, and then you're [[gone|gone Fangs 2]].

Dressed, you step out into the street. The insistent blare of traffic. The crush of crowds. Your senses are overwhelmed. Once there would have been a barrier, protecting you from the outside world, but that's been worn away as well. You grit your teeth and [[hurry on]].

"You'll have to learn to live with yourself. But it's a good exercise; mapping yourself onto the passages." She sounds intimately familiar with the concept. \n\n"There may be a time when I introduce another like you into the maze. Like I said, you're not the first I've seen. If that happens, you two will have to learn to live with each other. Or resolve things...otherwise."\n\nIt doesn't sound so bad, learning another monster. Another reflection of yourself.\n\nShe leans on her staff, starts - presumably - in the direction of the [[labyrinth]].

It hurts. But this is what you need. Pain blooms on your skin. In your heart. [[Bear it]], as long as you can.

You're in the grove again. Does it matter?\n\nYou're insubstantial, even in your memories. You can't change anything, or make an impression, even in your own head.\n\n"You have to try," the witch offers. "You have to make an effort."\n\n[[ok]]\n[[too much]]

Before <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they<<endif>> can protest, you offer <<print $vamplovergender>> a sad smile, push past <<print $vamplovergender>>, heading across the dance floor. Sweat-slick bodies twine together, come apart, as if the rhythm of intimacy and loss can be learned and practiced. No one touches you. For the best.\n\nYou [[push|alley 2]] through the crush into the alley -

The memory of the cold lingers in your marrow. Your teeth ache. You know what you've done. You can [[live with it|Turn back to the woods]] now. You'll have to.

The witch shrugs. "Suit yourself. If you want to suffer more, that's your choice."\nThe chill bites your skin. You feel alive. Seared. [[Clean|Safe]].

Infinite lives. Infinite lies, self-deceptions, crafted by small scared creatures coiling in on themselves. \n\nYou won't change that much in a new body. But perhaps you hunger that much for something new. Or perhaps you're that desperate to get out of your own skin. Your fingers [[itch|will]] to trace a new pattern already.

They look you over, passersby and shop clerks and pedestrians, sneaking glances when they think you aren't looking. As if you don't know. As if you're not used to being stripped bare by curious strangers.\n\nYou're [[rotting|rotting 2]]. Falling apart in plain sight.

In the cracked detritus of the blasted log, there is a ring of fairy toadstools. Warding off the evil eye. Strength through pain.\n\n[[What you've been looking for]]\n[[Maybe not|Interstitial wood gathering]]

"Understandable. Life will prevail, but it isn't always pleasant, or easy. Watching or participating." Her smile is grim. "Of course, you know this."\n\nYou're not sure how you want to respond to that statement. Or to the look on her face. The pair of you [[continue]] in silence.

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You raise your voice until you're nearly shouting. <<if $ghostgender1 eq "them">>They look<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "her">>She looks<<else if $ghostgender1 eq "him">>He looks<<endif>> surprised to see you.\n\n"Oh, hey. I didn't see you there." Disappointment, sharp at the back of your throat. Then who did they see when they looked at you?\n\n[["Oh."]]\n[["Well...hi!"]]\n[["How have you been?"]]

There's an urgency in your voice. You'll never get another chance.\n\nA long pause. And then - \n\n<<timedinsert 3s>>"I'm glad you did." <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They lean<<endif>>\nin for a kiss. Relief and pleasure flood your veins, almost drowning out the clamoring hunger. You know it won't last. You know it's not real. But you're thankful for the moment anyway.<<endtimedinsert>>\n\n<<timedinsert 6s>>Too quickly, it's over. The moment slips through your grasp. You're back in the [[clearing|clearing 2]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

Just the two of you in <<if $exgender eq "He">>his<<else if $exgender eq "She">>her<<else if $exgender eq "They">>their<<endif>> old Ford Focus, your feet up on the dashboard, playfully arguing (at least, you thought so at the time) over the GPS [[directions|ex memory]].

<<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>She laughs<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>He laughs<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>They laugh<<endif>> at your enigmatic answer, but <<if $vamplovergender eq "her">>she still leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "him">>he still leans<<else if $vamplovergender eq "them">>they still lean<<endif>> in for a kiss. Relief and pleasure flood your veins, almost drowning out the clamoring hunger. You know it won't last. You know it's not real. But you're thankful for the respite anyway.\n\n<<timedinsert 4s>>Too quickly, it's over. The moment slips through your grasp. You're back in the [[clearing|clearing 2]] - <<endtimedinsert>>

Your discomfort must show in your face, because <<if $vampfriendgender eq "They">>they frown and set their<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "She">>she frowns and sets her<<else if $vampfriendgender eq "He">>he frowns and sets his<<endif>> own glass down without drinking. Bad luck, you think distantly.\n\n"What's wrong? You've been acting weird lately."\n\n[["I haven't been myself."]]\n[["I'm not happy with my life."]]\n[["Nothing's wrong."]]