Citizen of Nowhere — 30 of 40

section 44 - Pigeon Jon

pigeon Jon is a person in city plaza.

description of jon is "A grey city pigeon with a grumpy demeanour. He is wearing a [list of things worn by pigeon jon]"

pigeon jon is wearing a postman's uniform.

description of postman's uniform is "The uniform consists of a day-glow orange jacket, a white baseball cap, and bright orange satchel. It makes Pigeon Jon look cute and ridiculous at the same time. You stifle a giggle, Jon says 'fuck you!'"

bright orange satchel is part of the postman's uniform.

bright orange satchel is an open unopenable container.

A person can be noted.

Instead of inserting note into bright orange satchel:

Say "'Oi!' says the pigeon, 'not more fucking deliveries! I only agreed to this job for the biscuits. Well alright then, but I expect extra fried chicken as reward for the danger!' Jon turns around, flaps his wings and takes off into the sky, heading East of the city.";

Now note is nowhere;

Now pigeon jon is nowhere;

Now the player is noted.

Instead of giving note to pigeon jon:

Say "'Oh great' says the pigeon, 'not more fucking deliveries! I only agreed to this job for the biscuits. Well alright then, but I expect extra fried chicken as reward for the danger!' Jon turns around, flaps his wings and takes off into the sky, heading East of the city.";

Now note is nowhere;

Now pigeon jon is nowhere;

Now player is noted.

Printed name of pigeon jon is "a pigeon".

Instead of asking Jon about "game":

Say "'Let's not go through any fourth wall stuff, I think the code is struggling as it is!'"

Instead of asking Jon about "author":

Say "'Let's not go through any fourth wall stuff, I think the code is struggling as it is!'"

Instead of asking Jon about "Luke":

Say "'Shhh! He might be watching, he lost the plot ages ago, god knows what he'll do to us next!'"

instead of asking jon about something when the player's command includes "bat/dingbat/ding-bat":

say "'Oh you've met that nutter then? Fruitbat? Fruitcake more like! Ha ha ha!' 'That bloody bell of his is apt seeing as he's always at the end of it! Ha Ha ha!'";

rule succeeds.

instead of telling jon about something when the player's command includes "bat/dingbat/ding-bat":

say "'Oh you've met that nutter then? Fruitbat? Fruitcake more like! Ha ha ha!' 'That bloody bell of his is apt seeing as he's always at the end of it! Ha Ha ha!'";

rule succeeds.

Instead of asking Jon about "uniform":

Say "'Don't take the piss!' says Jon, 'A guy's got to make a living.'"

instead of answering jon that something when the player's command includes "bat/dingbat/ding-bat":

say "'Oh you've met that nutter then? Fruitbat? Fruitcake more like! Ha ha ha!' 'That bloody bell of his is apt seeing as he's always at the end of it! Ha Ha ha!'";

rule succeeds.

instead of asking jon about something when the player's command includes "king/bony":

say "'I'm sorry about your Dad' says Jon, 'He was a kind fellow and much smarter than half the fuckwits who walk around this place.'";

rule succeeds.

instead of telling jon about something when the player's command includes "king/bony":

say "'I'm sorry about your Dad' says Jon, 'He was a kind fellow and much smarter than half the fuckwits who walk around this place.'";

rule succeeds.

instead of answering jon that something when the player's command includes "king/bony":

say "'I'm sorry about your Dad' says Jon, 'He was a kind fellow and much smarter than half the fuckwits who walk around this place.'";

rule succeeds.

instead of talking to jon for the first time:

say "'Here we fucking go again!' says the pigeon[paragraph break]'Trouble seems to follow you around! In case you had forgotten my name's Jon and I'm a fucking pigeon!'";

rule succeeds.

instead of talking to jon, say "'My name's Jon, and I'm a fucking pigeon!'"

Instead of asking jon about "iron maiden":

Say "'Up the irons!' says Jon."

instead of asking jon about something, say "'Fucked if I know anything about that!' says Jon."

instead of telling jon about something, say "'Fucked if I know anything about that! says Jon.'"

instead of answering jon that something, say "'Fucked if I know anything about that!' says Jon."