INFINITUBE

Were you ever told you were [[special]] while you were growing up?  (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (goto: "decider") ](print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (link: "tester no trial")[ (set: $loop to 1) (set: $loading to 2) (set: $tester to true)  (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (goto: "bonus experience offer") ](print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (link: "tester no first experiences")[ (set: $loop to 1) (set: $loading to 3) (set: $tester to true)  (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite, $attBest)) (set: $bonusSwitch to false) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "co-exchange") ](print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (link: "tester no first exchange")[ (set: $loop to 1) (set: $loading to 3) (set: $tester to true)  (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite, $attBest)) (set: $bonusSwitch to false) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "the bump") ](print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (link: "tester no minerva")[ (set: $loop to 1) (set: $loading to 3) (set: $tester to true)  (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite, $attBest)) (set: $bonusSwitch to false) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "tm3-end") ](print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (link: "tester no boniface")[ (set: $loop to 2) (set: $loading to 3) (set: $tester to true)  (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite, $attBest)) (set: $bonusSwitch to false) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "save 2") ] }-->    {(set: $minimList to (a:)) (set: $minimValueList to (a:)) (set: $seenMinimList to (a:)) (set: $seenMinimValueList to (a:)) (set: $unseenMinimList to (a:)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to (a:))  (set: $saleList to (a:))  (set: $saleTotal to 0) (set: $bbRental to (a:)) (set: $bbRental to it + (a: "empty")) (set: $gtaViceCity to (dm: "title", "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City", "genre", "game", "new", true)) (set: $loading to 0) (set: $account to 6) (set: $bonusSwitch to false) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to (a:)) (set: $mazeList to (a:)) (set: $pcAttributes to (a:)) (set: $inventory to (a:)) (set: $parchment to "[[infinitome chapters 1 & 2|infinitome chapters 1, 2, & 3]]") (set: $parchment2 to "[[infinitome chapters 3 & 4|infinitome chapters 4, 5, & 6]]")  (set: $mRace to (dm: "launch", "race in the academy", "val", 1, "pass", "[[race in the academy]]")) (set: $mChewing to (dm: "launch", "chewing gum statues", "val", 2, "pass", "[[chewing gum statues]]")) (set: $mStrange to (dm: "launch", "strange estate", "val", 3, "pass", "[[strange estate]]")) (set: $mFamilial to (dm: "launch", "familial bliss", "val", 4, "pass", "[[familial bliss]]")) (set: $mLove to (dm: "launch", "love in boston", "val", 5, "pass", "[[love in boston]]")) (set: $mWTO to (dm: "launch", "wto", "val", 6, "pass", "[[wto]]")) (set: $mBrowsing to (dm: "launch", "browsing in blockbuster", "val", 7, "pass", "[[browsing in blockbuster]]")) (set: $mWendys to (dm: "launch", "wendy's and watching movies", "val", 8, "pass", "[[wendy's and watching movies]]")) (set: $mJigga to (dm: "launch", "jigga", "val", 9, "pass", "[[jigga]]")) (set: $mBlackfish to (dm: "launch", "blackfish", "val", 10, "pass", "[[blackfish]]")) (set: $mSurvey to (dm: "launch", "survey", "val", 11, "pass", "[[survey]]")) (set: $mMarine to (dm: "launch", "marine corps baby", "val", 12, "pass", "[[marine corps baby]]"))   (set: $minimList to it + (a: $mRace, $mChewing, $mStrange, $mFamilial, $mLove, $mWTO, $mBrowsing, $mWendys, $mJigga, $mBlackfish, $mSurvey, $mMarine)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it + (a: $mRace, $mChewing, $mStrange, $mFamilial, $mLove, $mWTO, $mBrowsing, $mWendys, $mJigga, $mBlackfish, $mSurvey, $mMarine)) (for: each _minim, ...$minimList)[ (set: $minimValueList to it + (a: _minim's val)) ] (for: each _minim, ...$unseenMinimList)[ (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it + (a: _minim's val)) ]   (set: $attWhite to (dm: "abil", "white", "val", 6, "pass", "[[white|passWhite]]")) (set: $attEurocentric to (dm: "abil", "eurocentric", "val", 8, "pass", "[[eurocentric|passEurocentric]]")) (set: $attVastesthai to (dm: "abil", "vastesthai", "val", -8, "pass", "[[vastesthai|passVastesthai]]"))  (set: $attLoser to (dm: "val", -6, "abil", "loser", "pass", "[[loser|passLoser]]")) (set: $attWinner to (dm: "val", 6, "abil", "winner", "pass", "[[winner|passWinner]]")) (set: $attWhiteNationalist to (dm: "val", -10, "abil", "white nationalist", "pass", "[[white nationalist|passWhiteNationalist]]")) (set: $attBest to (dm: "abil", "best", "val", 6, "pass", "[[best|passBest]]")) (set: $attJudged to (dm: "abil", "judged", "val", 0, "pass", "[[judged|passJudged]]")) (set: $attTraitor to (dm: "abil", "traitor", "val", -6, "pass", "[[traitor|passTraitor]]")) (set: $attGoldenGoose to (dm: "abil", "golden goose", "val", 10, "pass", "[[golden goose|passGoldenGoose]]")) (set: $attSurvivor to (dm: "abil", "survivor", "val", 4, "pass", "[[survivor|passSurvivor]]")) (set: $attSensible to (dm: "val", 6, "abil", "sensible", "pass", "[[sensible|passSensible]]")) (set: $attCivOfMen to (dm: "val", 6, "abil", "civOfMen", "pass", "[[civilizer of men|passCivOfMen]]")) (set: $attCapHealthyChoices to (dm: "val", 6, "abil","capHealthyChoices", "pass","[[capable of making healthy life choices|passCapHealthyChoices]]")) (set: $attUnemployable to (dm: "val", -4, "abil","unemployable", "pass","[[unemployable on planet earth|passUnemployable]]")) (set: $attPerfectionist to (dm: "val", 4, "abil","perfectionist", "pass","[[perfectionist|passPerfectionist]]")) (set: $attPro to (dm: "val", 6, "abil", "pro", "pass","[[pro|passPro]]")) (set: $attIneffective to (dm: "val", 0, "abil", "ineffective", "pass","[[ineffective|passIneffective]]")) (set: $attConfused to (dm: "val", 0, "abil","confused", "pass","[[a little confused|passConfused]]")) (set: $attAbOfDig to (dm: "val", -2, "abil", "abOfDig", "pass", "[[absence of your dignity|passAbOfDig]]")) (set: $attManOfHouse to (dm: "val", 8, "abil", "manOfHouse", "pass", "[[man of the house|passManOfHouse]]")) (set: $attSmart to (dm: "val", 8, "abil", "smart", "pass", "[[smart|passSmart]]")) (set: $attTerminallyIll to (dm: "val", -4, "abil", "terminallyIll", "pass", "[[terminally ill|passTerminallyIll]]")) (set: $attBeeInYourBonnet to (dm: "val", 4, "abil", "beeInYourBonnet", "pass", "[[bee in your bonnet|passBeeInYourBonnet]]")) (set: $attThwomp to (dm: "val", -2, "abil", "thwomp", "pass", "[[thwomp|passThwomp]]")) (set: $attUndead to (dm: "val", -6, "abil", "undead", "pass", "[[undead|passUndead]]")) (set: $attSelfAssured to (dm: "val", 6, "abil", "self-assured", "pass", "[[self-assured|passSelfAssured]]")) (set: $attContemplative to (dm: "val", 10, "abil", "contemplative", "pass", "[[contemplative|passContemplative]]")) (set: $attExiled to (dm: "val", -6, "abil", "exiled", "pass", "[[exiled|passExiled]]")) (set: $attStalwart to (dm: "val", 4, "abil", "stalwart", "pass", "[[stalwart|passStalwart]]")) (set: $attNumb to (dm: "val", 0, "abil", "numb", "pass", "[[numb|passNumb]]")) (set: $attShawnBradley to (dm: "val", -4, "abil", "shawn bradley", "pass", "[[shawn bradley|passShawnBradley]]")) (set: $attMikeJordan to (dm: "val", 6, "abil", "mike jordan", "pass", "[[Mike Jordan of the Mic Recording|passMikeJordan]]")) (set: $attTracyKobe to (dm: "val", 2, "abil", "tracy kobe", "pass", "[[Tracy McGrady or Kobe Maybe|passTracyKobe]]")) (set: $attInstitutionalized to (dm: "val", -6, "abil", "institutionalized", "pass", "[[institutionalized|passInstitutionalized]]")) (set: $attProjection to (dm: "val", 4, "abil", "projection", "pass", "[[projection|passProjection]]")) }

Did those around you just sort of know that you were gifted, blessed, [[golden]]?

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(css: "font-size: 500%;")[(live: 1s)[IN](live: 2s)[FIN](live: 3s)[I](live: 4s)[TUBE]] (css: "font-size: 100%;")[(live: 6s)[//where the imagination stretches as far as limitations can reach//]] (css: "font-size: 100%;")[(live: 8s)[To learn more, click [[here|front matter]]]] (if: (saved-games:) contains any of (a: "level 1.1", "level 1.2", "level 2.1", "level 2.2", "level 3.1", "level 3.2"))[(css: "font-size: 100%;")[(live: 8s)[To restart your free Trial, click (link: "here")[(reload:)(goto: "Start")]]]](else:)[(css: "font-size: 100%;")[(live: 8s)[To start your free Trial, click [[here|Start]]]]] {(css: "font-size: 100%;")[ (if: (saved-games:) contains "level 3.2")[ (live: 8s)[ Continue your (link: "tour through the Tubes!")[ (load-game: "level 3.2") ] ] ] (else-if: (saved-games:) contains "level 3.1")[ (live: 8s)[ Continue your (link: "tour through the Tubes!")[ (load-game: "level 3.1") ] ] ] (else-if: (saved-games:) contains "level 2.2")[ (live: 8s)[ Continue your (link: "tour through the Tubes!")[ (load-game: "level 2.2") ] ] ] (else-if: (saved-games:) contains "level 2.1")[ (live: 8s)[ Continue your (link: "tour through the Tubes!")[ (load-game: "level 2.1") ] ] ] (else-if: (saved-games:) contains "level 1.2")[ (live: 8s)[ Continue your (link: "tour through the Tubes!")[ (load-game: "level 1.2") ] ] ] (else-if: (saved-games:) contains "level 1.1")[ (live: 8s)[ Continue your (link: "tour through the Tubes!")[ (load-game: "level 1.1") ] ] ] ] }

{ (if: $loopBlocker is true)[ (goto: (history:)'s last) (set: $loopBlocker to true) ] }

(set: $u to (text-style: "underline"))1. Lo, the boy who believed that he was everyone was not born in a house or an apartment or on the street or in the air, but was born in a hospital. 2. And lo, on the night before he was brought into Being his mother who would have him looked out from her small window and saw that there was a billboard 3. and, seeing that there was a billboard, she read of it. 4. And it so said: ''Hard Rock Cafe: //Save the World//.'' 5. And so she said, "This will be my son, who will save the world." 6. Then she was visited by a dream, and in that dream also she was visited by the son that would be brought into Being in the morning. 7. He was not a baby or a boy or a man or a woman or a non-binary human being person, but a monster. 8. Lo, he had the body of a beaver but the claws of a sloth and the mouth of a duck, 9. and on seeing him his mother knew that he was good, and not a bad monster, and so she named him (if: (history:)'s last is "bo chapters 3 and 4")[$u[Boniface]](else:)[Boniface]. 10. Before the following morning, she awoke to her own screams. 11. A being the size of a watermelon had not decided it was the hour to leave, 12. for that decision is made by forces; 13. the forces had named it the hour of (if: (history:)'s last is "bo chapters 3 and 4")[$u[Boniface]](else:)[Boniface]'s awakening. 14. Other beings were at her feet, though she could not gain details of them, for her knees were bent, and raised, and her legs had been covered by a sheet. 15. She spent many hours pressing against her good monster. 16. Finally from behind the sheet emerged her husband, 17. and he was cradling the good monster named (if: (history:)'s last is "bo chapters 3 and 4")[$u[Boniface]](else:)[Boniface], and he said, 18. "This is my first son. See him. 19. "And when you see him, also see me; 20. "I have the name of my father who came before me; 21. "so too shall this human infant have my name. 22. "I am not available for any further comment on the matter." 23. And the mother, who had become exceedingly tired from her screams, asked for some time alone. 24. And her husband celebrated privately, for the matter of his human infant baby's name was settled. (if: (history:)'s last is "bo chapters 3 and 4")[[[<=|bo chapters 3 and 4]]](else:)[[[<=|infinitome chapters 1, 2, & 3]]]

1. But let it be known that nothing is ever settled. 2. That is only kind of true; a few things are settled. 3. Settlers can travel near or far, build elaborate or austere settlements. 4. That which has been rendered unto Cesaer can be settled in or out of court. 5. But hold your heart to the light--is it not an irrational number? 6. Does it end after the zero, or does it continue on in perpetuity? 7. Your heart is the same as History! 8. For while pilgrims may travel near or far, and conflicts of cars or custody may reach their conclusion, 9. what truth have they proven? 10. The heart, and History, are only movement! [[<=|infinitome chapters 1, 2, & 3]]

''//GOLDEN GOOSE//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 10 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//SURVIVOR//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

''//WHITE//'' - //identifier// exchange value: 6 Tokens abilities: Increases value of all exchanged Attributes by 2 during Renewal. If two or more ''WHITE'' Attributes are held at the end of an Experience, they will be replaced by the ''[[EUROCENTRIC|passEurocentric]]'' Attribute. (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

''//SENSIBLE//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//CIVILIZER OF MEN//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//CAPABLE OF MAKING HEALTHY LIFE CHOICES//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

''//UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//PERFECTIONIST//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//PRO//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//INEFFECTIVE//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 0 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//CONFUSED//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 0 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

''//MAN OF THE HOUSE//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 8 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

"You can be anything you put your [[mind]] to," they said.

How's that [[panned out]]?

[[Not quite as advertised]]?

(set: $s to (text-style: "shadow"))Well with the help of $s[(color: "#FF1493")[[[[INFINITUBE]]]]]^^TM^^, you'll be living in your world of [[potential]] in no time!

Welcome to INFINITUBE, the only application where the imagination stretches as far as limitations can reach. INFINITUBE wants to fulfill your every wish, every fantasy, so to get you started, we offer a FREE Trial Experience. This Trial Experience comes with 6 complimentary Tokens. Phinn, our most loveable mascot, will explain the significance of these Tokens when you meet him later on. (link-reveal: "Finally, a few words to the wise:")[ INFINITUBE has equipped you with a back button on the top left corner of the application. Use it! Poke around! Explore! (link-reveal: "But please also consider the following:")[ (1) INFINITUBE tracks your choices through the links and arrows it has provided you in the main body, so remember--to change nuthin, use the back button, but when you've made a decision, find a link in the description! (2) The Tubes are powered by our own patented hypervalent mirrors. In short, the Tubes mirror all things. Thus, as in life, some of your choices in the Tubes will be irreversible. So choose wisely, new friend! [[<=|Not quite as advertised]]]]

With INFINITUBE at your side, you can become exactly what you were told you'd inherit: (link: "...")[ [[ANYTHING]]].

By clicking the arrow below, you agree to begin your (color: "#FF1493")[ [[Trial|you agree to begin your trial subscription]]]. (link: "=>")[(goto: "preloading")]

(set: $return to (history:)'s last)''//Tokens//'' (if: $account > 0)[$account](else:)[//Donut//] ''//Attributes//'' (if: $pcAttributes's length > 0)[(for: each _item, ...$pcAttributes)[(print: _item's pass + ("\n"))]](else:)[//Blank slate//] ''//Inventory//'' (if: $inventory's length > 0)[(for: each _item, ...$inventory)[(print: _item + ("\n"))]](else:)[//No baggage//] (if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[''//INFINITY GAUNTLET//'' (if: $infinityGauntletInventory's length > 0)[(for: each _item, ...$infinityGauntletInventory)[(print: _item + ("\n"))]](else:)[//No stones//] ]{(if: $infinityGauntletInventory's length is 6)[[[=>|infinity win]]] (else-if: ($bonusSwitch is true))[[[=>|bonus experience offer]]] (else-if: ($bonusLoop is true))[[[=>|loading]]] (else-if: ($loading <= 2))[[[=>|loading]]] (else-if: ($bonusEnd is true))[[[=>|loading]]] (else-if: (history:) contains "loading" is false)[[[<=|$return]]] }

Conversely, INFINITUBE may decide to retain your subscription indefinitely. [[<=|you agree to begin your trial subscription]]

The number of tokens required to remain in good standing with INFINITUBE may change at any time. [[<=|you agree to begin your trial subscription]]

Per the InterGlobular Allotments for Beings' Needs Organization and Trust (IGABNOT), INFINITUBE is not required to disclose its contact information, financial records, source code, side effects, privacy policy, political affiliations, early testers' medical records, or terms and conditions to anyone or anything, regardless of the inquiring party's various possible statuses. [[<=|you agree to begin your trial subscription]]

{ (if: $bonusSwitch is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (for: each _minim, ...$seenMinimList)[ (set: $seenMinimValueList to it + (a: _minim's val)) ] (for: each _minim, ...$unseenMinimList)[ (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it + (a: _minim's val)) ] (if: $bonusType is "new")[ (set: $bonusExperience to (either: ...$unseenMinimValueList)) ] (if: $bonusType is "random")[ (set: $bonusExperience to (either: ...$seenMinimValueList)) ] (goto: "decider") ] ] (else:)[ (set: $loading to it + 1) (if: $loop is 1)[ (if: $loading is 1)[Your Trial Experience is [[loading]]. ] (if: $loading is 2)[ (link-reveal: "∞ ")[ (link-reveal: "∞ ")[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $trialExperience to (either: ...$minimValueList)) (goto: "decider") ] ] ] ] (if: $loading is 3)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (goto: "bonus experience intro") ] ] (if: $bonusLoop is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "collideascope 1") ] ] (if: $bonusEnd is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $bonusEnd to false) (goto: "collideascope 1") ] ] ] (if: $loop is 2)[ (if: $loading is 1)[ (if: $loading is 1)[Your Second Experience is [[loading]]. ] ] (if: $loading is 2)[ (link-reveal: "∞ ")[ (link-reveal: "∞ ")[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $secondTrial to (either: ...$unseenMinimValueList)) (goto: "decider") ] ] ] ] (if: $loading is 3)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (goto: "bonus trial intro") ] ] (if: $bonusLoop is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "collideascope 2") ] ] (if: $bonusEnd is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $bonusEnd to false) (goto: "collideascope 2") ] ] ] (if: $loop is 3)[ (if: $loading is 1)[ (if: $loading is 1)[Your Third Experience is [[loading]]. ] ] (if: $loading is 2)[ (link-reveal: "∞ ")[ (link-reveal: "∞ ")[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $thirdTrial to (either: ...$unseenMinimValueList)) (goto: "decider") ] ] ] ] (if: $loading is 3)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (goto: "bonus trial intro") ] ] (if: $bonusLoop is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $bonusLoop to false) (goto: "collideascope 3") ] ] (if: $bonusEnd is true)[ (link-reveal: "∞")[ (set: $bonusEnd to false) (goto: "collideascope 3") ] ] ] ] }

Double-click this passage to edit it.

It alights with an encrypted rhythm from fat pockets. (event: when time > 6s)[It strobes--revealing the nothing much;] (event: when time > 12s)[spotlights that boil a hazy landscape,] (event: when time > 22s)[a moorland: low, endless, uninhabitable.] (event: when time > 25s)[And yet--(linkreplace: "no thunder")[no sound at all.] (event: when time > 33s)[ [[Rest your weight against this dead bough|Bo2]]]]

After your Trial has ended, INFINITUBE will attempt to process your first payment. If you do not have adequate Tokens in your (color: "#FF1493")[ [[profile]]], your subscription to INFINITUBE will be cancelled. If at any point during your Trial INFINITUBE finds you in violation of its (color: "#FF1493")[ [[terms and conditions]]], it will consult these terms and conditions in order to determine your status. All arrangements are often final. [[<=|ANYTHING]]

{ (if: $bonusSwitch is true)[ (if: $bonusType is "pcChoice")[ (for: each _minim, ...$seenMinimList)[ (print: "To return to ") (print: _minim's launch) (print: " click") (link: "here")[ (set: $bonusExperience to _minim) (goto: $bonusExperience's launch) ] (print: ("\n")) ] ] (else:)[ (if: $bonusType is "new")[ (for: each _minim, ...$unseenMinimList)[ (if: $bonusExperience is _minim's val)[ (goto: _minim's launch) ] ] ] (if: $bonusType is "random")[ (for: each _minim, ...$seenMinimList)[ (if: ($bonusExperience is 20) and ((history:) contains "survey" is false))[ (set: $bonusExperience to 11) ] (goto: _minim's launch) ] ] ] ] (else:)[ (if: $loop is 1)[ (for: each _minim, ...$unseenMinimList)[ (if: $trialExperience is _minim's val)[ (goto: _minim's launch) ] ] ] (if: $loop is 2)[ (for: each _minim, ...$unseenMinimList)[ (if: $secondTrial is _minim's val)[ (goto: _minim's launch) ] ] ] (if: $loop is 3)[ (for: each _minim, ...$unseenMinimList)[ (if: $thirdTrial is _minim's val)[ (goto: _minim's launch) ] ] ] ] }

''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite)) You are a white person talking about race in a (color: "#FF1493")[[[room|ra room]]] full of non-white people. Are you: A) [[Happy|ra happy]] B) [[Nervous|ra nervous]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mRace)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mRace)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 1))}

YOU ARE NOW SMART (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attSmart)) The room is a small conference/social center on the top floor of a tiny building in the largest public university in the city of Boston. It's got large glass windows on the far end that makes its occupants eye level with the American flag, which is flapping flacid in a day becoming night. The only doors to enter this room, which are just behind you, are open. Two Black women are at the front of the room. This was a talk they were giving. You are sharing your opinions during their Q and A. [[<=|race in the academy]]

Huh. Okay I guess. In what way are you happy? A) [[Absurdly|ra terminally ill]] B) [[Dialogue among different interest groups is the cornerstone of Democracy|ra housing a bee]]

Correct. The more important question, though, is why are you speaking through your nervousness? The answer is not {that you brave. It can't be (print: ("\n")) because the word has been stripped of its meaning (print: ("\n")) by those who thought they were being brave (print: ("\n")) because they were nervous.(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) Your nerves are contagious.(print: ("\n")) Why are you nervous?(print: ("\n")) You have been traumatized by many of the same forces Black folks have(print: ("\n")) and yet your difference is compulsory:(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) A rerun of a sitcom no one ever found funny.(print: ("\n"))} (link-reveal: "Your voice trembles: ")["Would you agree that the specter of Rachel Dozeal destroyed the possibility of a non-essentialist view of race in the same way the specter of Donald Trump eviscerated the possibility of US Democracy?" A shiv appears in your hand. (set: $inventory to it + (a: "shiv")) Do you: A) [[Gouge your own eyes out|ra white guilt]] B) [[Try to kill the speakers|ra dylann roof]]]

(if: $pcGig is "busser")[You decide that this is going to be it. You're going to take a job seriously for once. Be the best busser you can be. You take special care to think of the ways you can most efficiently and inconspicuously do your job. There's not a lot of data on customer behavior at the steak and frites place where you work. You track everything: average customer wait time, what causes customers to smile, the duration of those smiles, even how long it takes a customer to notice you've approached their table, (link-reveal: "etc.")[ You're fired. None of that was your job, and plus it's 2010--data hasn't totally taken over the world yet, no one cares about your spreadsheets. The owner, a bloated stereotype, dismisses you with a predicatable wave. (display: "dayEnder")]](if: $pcGig is "stripper")[''YOU NOW HAVE A JOBBY JOB'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "jobby job")) You spend the remainder of your days travelling around nyc using highly concentrated doses of paint thinner to remove grafitti from public places. You're always high, and you're always reflecting on the irony of the fact that during the daylight you tear art down, but at night you build it back up again with your statues. You die early and happy aside from the excruciating pain of the melanoma caused by inhaling paint fumes everyday for most of your life. (display: "dayEnder")](if: $pcGig is "laborer")[''YOU NOW HAVE A JOBBY JOB'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "jobby job")) Hard labor leaves you exhausted in ways you did not know were possible. Physically, obviously, but emotionally, too, because you're constantly putting up with the assholes you work with, assholes who are insensitive and will never even know it because they're too dumb to understand that you're a real artist, something //special//, and they're like (link: "...")[ whatever (link: "...")[not that you're elitist or anything it's just (link: "how you ...")[(link: "how you ...")[(link: "how you ...")[ how you feel? (display: "dayEnder")]]]]]]

''//SMART//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 8 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A TERMINAL ILLNESS'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "terminal illness")) Outside the sunset is doing the pigglywiggly with a heck of a lot of umph. This morning you had your cereal like every morning. Bowel movements are good, your terminal illness hasn't killed you yet, free wine at these talky talk talk talks! //And// you're wearing new socks?! You say to the speakers and to the room and to yourself: "Hey, thanks for doing the work you're doing, and for sharing it. I learned a lot." (display: "dayEnder")

''YOU NOW HAVE A BEE IN YOUR BONNET'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "bee in your bonnet")) You say exactly that: "Dialogue among different interest groups is the cornerstone of Democracy." One of the speakers responds: "Okay? Were you at our talky talk just now? "That's pretty irrelevant to the discussion at hand. Moreover, as noble as the idea you just espoused sounds in theory, the people who in the United States instantiated it "did so without any actual dialogue with the 'interest group' that I represent; "I therefore find myself at a distance from its poetical and/or practical value." A buzzing overhead. (display: "dayEnder")

''//TERMINALLY ILL//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

(if: (history:) contains "cg village void" is false)[''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite))](else:)[] It's 2010, and you're living beneath the ground in a neighborhood in outer Queens. You pay your rent by gathering all of the used gum from the bottoms of park benches all over the city, mushing the gum into giant balls, scultping those balls into monumental abstract graffitti/statues, then dropping them at strategic locations around New York City under the cover of night. (color: "#FF1493")[ [[//The Village Void//|cg village void]]] called your most recent work, which you've privately titled "Bugs Denied the Carrot," a "nuissance" and "a public health risk." To pay your rent in the hole in the ground, you work as an assistant to a cult hero so-so famous artist whose primary medium is flourescent lighting and has been living in the same apartment in the East Village since the Korean war. This artist is about to die and has promised to bequeath you his apartment (which is of course rent controlled) if you, in turn, promise not to make another statue ever again. Do you:{} A) [[Take the apartment and continue making your revolutionary scultpures|cg take continue]] B) [[Take the apartment and stop making your revolutionary sculptures|cg take stop]] C) [[Find another job|cg new job]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mChewing)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mChewing)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 2))}

Double-click this passage to edit it.

''YOU NOW HAVE WHITE GUILT'' ''YOU HAVE LOST YOUR SHIV'' ''YOU ARE NOW UNDEAD'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "white guilt"))(set: $inventory to it - (a: "shiv"))(set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUndead)) You are in a classroom, but not at your university. It's a hotbox of a room, with shoebox windows tiled at wide intervals near the ceiling. The walls are beige and pocked. All around you are rows of boys and girls in white polos. You are wearing a white polo too. You've been studying for the test you are currently taking everyday of your life. It //will// determine your career, which //will// determine the fate of your family. The problem is that you haven't slept in several days. Your father, who is a heavy drinker and a cab driver, has been feeding you caffeine pills and forcing you to ride around in the front seat with him and work on equations and recite history and memorize poems and you slam your face down against two well-sharpened #2 pencils. (display: "dayEnder")

''YOU ARE NOW A WHITE NATIONALIST'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhiteNationalist)) You're starting to feel like you're living inside a rhombus and the tilt is applying gravity uneven to your face and head. The Suboxone is across the room but you can't stand up because of the (link: "rhombus.")[tilt.] The mattress is on the floor, and the floor is pushed against the wall, and the computer is open. You've darkened the windows with cardboard and tape. You're reading about [[George Zimmermand and Trayvon Martin|ra trayvon]].

The liberal media is going apeshit about what should have been a routine civilian stop and search. Except for this crazy Nope won't speak like a normal piece a shit. Instead left there planting Rainbows. Something going have to be done. (display: "dayEnder")

//The Village Void// is New York's ONLY openly nihilistic rag. And by rag, we mean rag. Printed onto the tattered death suits of the hundreds of New York City's homeless found dead each year, //Void// loves nothing and feels nothing and fears nothing and is nothing and is nowhere and is endless. [[<=|chewing gum statues]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A RENT CONTROLLED LEASE IN THE EAST VILLAGE'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "rent controlled lease in the east village")) ''YOU ARE NOW A THWOMP'' ''YOU ARE NOW UNDEAD'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attThwomp))(set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUndead)) What are you? A stubborn person? These sculptures are fun, but they were never meant to be an opus or a gun worth gumming to. (link-reveal: "A soso famous artist in New York, moreover,")[ is the Vaeris of the modern world, with little birdies all about and each of those birdies having internalized several alien birdies with remote brain stems with unpredictable ethical mores. (link: "...")[One day, while you're riding your CITIBANK bike rental down Fifth Avenue a curator happens to door you, knocking you into the open window of a known–serial killer's passing ice cream truck. (link: "...")[Children suckle your frozen fingers for the duration of the summer. (display: "dayEnder")]]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A RENT CONTROLLED LEASE IN THE EAST VILLAGE'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "rent controlled lease in the east village")) You spend the rest of your life paying four hundred and change in rent for a studio apartment that the market values at three thousand on your move-in day. That part is super great. (link-reveal: "What's less so,")[ it turns out, is that you got duped! Your former employer eyed you as a mark the moment he hired you, knew those dang gum statues were tapping into an element of the collective unconscious that the zeitgeist was just on the verge of recognizing ... (link: "...")[Six months after decorating the apartment, the conniving old dog reappears in the public eye. Turns out his death and disease were part of the show, and wouldn't ya know it, the jerk celebrates his return to the streets of nyc with //his// gum statues-- (link: "...")[sticky undecipherable archaic glyphs suddenly all over subway seats that prevent sitting-- and wouldn't ya know it-- (link: "...")[the //Void// calls his gum statues a "blow-pop-art masterpiece." (display: "dayEnder")]]]]

''YOU NOW ARE NOW SELF-ASSURED'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attSelfAssured)) Unfortunately, dignity doesn't come with a skill set. The options for your next job are somewhat limited: A) (link: "Bus tables")[(set: $pcGig to "busser")(goto: "cg actual new job")] B) (link: "Strip")[(set: $pcGig to "stripper")(goto: "cg actual new job")] C) (link: "Hard labor")[(set: $pcGig to "laborer")(goto: "cg actual new job")]

''//THWOMP//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -2 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//UNDEAD//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//SELF-ASSURED//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A STRANGE INHERITANCE'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "strange inheritance")) A clearing in the North Pacific woodland reveals the house-- if it can be called a house-- your uncle has bequeathed you. It's a strange bird, and the moonlight's buffing its backside, casting a shadow like a stegosaurus at your feetsickles. You do as the woman you met on the bright golf course instructed and draw a smiley face on the stegosaursus' head with your walking stick. You reach for the eye of the stegosaurus' smiley face. You [[touch the naked eye of the stegosaurus|z entrance]].{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mStrange)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mStrange)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 3))}

The change in scenery is instantaneous and void of ceremony. Smackdab in front of you is a ten by ten arrangement of elementary school desks with hamster cages on top of each of them. Every one of the hundred hamsters sits on a particularly fluffy patch of woodchips and stares back at you. You notice a scrap of parchment on the floor in the corner of the room. Behind them, on a hanging screen, a projected image of a (color: "#FF1493")[ [[chameleon|z chameleon]]] that changes from red to green to gold. Long, dark hallways cut [[northeast|z turtle hallway]] and [[northwest|z cricket hallway]].

A hallway like a sistine chapel, except that instead of biblical shit the murals all feature depictions of Michelangelo himself, except instead of the fifteenth-century Italian polymath, it's the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle of the Orange Mask persuasion. Here he's scarfing down pizzas, in another series of panels he's going for a 720 off a rooftop AC unit and slapping Shredder with a nunchaku. On the ceiling he's reaching out and touching the slim outstretched digit of the noblest of megopolis dwellers, Splinter.(if: (count: (history:), "z mirror room") is 0)[ You hear a clittering to the northwest.](if: (history:) contains "strange estate")[ To the [[southwest|z entrance]] is the Hamster Room, (if: (count: (history:), "z mirror room") is 0)[and there's another hallway leading [[northwest|z mirror room]].](else:)[and if you follow the [[northwest|z mirror room]] hallway you'll be in the mirror room.]]

(if: (history:) contains "z cricket hallway" is false)[A loving, paternal, human-sized, actual-insect cricket complete with tophat and umbrella introduces himself as Jiminy. He tells you that if you plan on becoming real you should drop the act. He drops his hat. He picks it up. He says that if you plan on becoming //whole//, however, you should prepare yourself for a whale of a good time. He winks heavy, starts playing a delicate melody with his onion-skin wings.](else:)[Jiminy is still at his tune.](if: (count: (history:), "z mirror room") is 0)[ His tune doesn't completely mask the faint clittering you hear to the northeast.](if: (history:) contains "strange estate")[ To the [[southeast|z entrance]] is the hamster room, (if: (count: (history:), "z mirror room") is 0)[and there's another hallway leading [[northeast|z mirror room]].](else:)[and if you follow the [[northeast|z mirror room]] hallway you'll be in the mirror room.]]

{(for: each _att, ...$pcAttributes)[ (set: $whiteCount to (find: _white where _white's abil is "white", ...$pcAttributes)) (set: $euroCount to (find: _euro where _euro's abil is "eurocentric", ...$pcAttributes)) ] (if: ($pcAttributes contains $attVastesthai) and $pcAttributes contains $attWhite)[ (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attVastesthai)) (set: $pcAttributes to it - (a: $attWhite)) ] (if: $whiteCount's length is 2)[ (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attEurocentric)) (for: each _att, ...$pcAttributes)[ (if: _att's abil is "white")[ (set: $pcAttributes to it - (a: $attWhite)) ] ] ] (if: ($whiteCount's length is 1) and ($pcAttributes contains $attEurocentric))[ (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attVastesthai)) (for: each _att, ...$pcAttributes)[ (if: _att's abil is "white")[ (set: $pcAttributes to it - (a: $attWhite)) ] (if: _att's abil is "eurocentric")[ (set: $pcAttributes to it - (a: $attEurocentric)) ] ] ] (if: $bonusSwitch is true)[ (set: $bonusLoop to true)(set: $bonusSwitch to false) ] (if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[ (for: each _item, ...$inventory)[ (set: $dadCount to (find: _dad where _dad is "trope dad", ...$inventory)) (if: $dadCount is 2)[ (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to it + (a: "recursivity stone")) ] ] ] }{(if: ($loop is 1) and ($loading is 2))[Your Trial Experience has ended.(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) [[=>|profile]] ] (else-if: $bonusLoop is true)[Your Bonus Experience has ended.(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) [[=>|profile]] ] (else-if: (($loop is 2) or ($loop is 3)) and ($loading is 2))[Your Experience has ended.(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) [[=>|profile]] ]}

(if: $sc1Strategy is 1)[Typical: the dad's a fat loveable oaf, the mom's a pinup star who's somehow able to juggle a job, the lion's share of the domestic responsibilities, hair and makeup always perfect. The woman who plays Ginny Craig is Bri Ritters, a comedienne whose talents as a certified symmetrical face are only exceeded by a slapstick comedic sensibility and even a few dramatic chops. You approach her about the ridiculousness of your role, but before you can get a word out she starts kvetching about how fucked up it is that Brad gets away with yelling at her and Stuart (your younger brother on the show) whenever he's in a bad mood.](if: $sc1Strategy is 2)[The producer dresses in all black and wears big black sunglasses all the time, especially indoors at night. After keeping your eye on him for little while, you manage to observe a conversation between him and Brad Martin in which they seem extremely chummy and during which the producer complains that the quality of the dialogue on the show has been going downhill since season 2.](if: $sc1Strategy is 3)[During a lunchbreak, you poke around the Accounts trailer and manage to accidentally open up the spreadsheet containing the salaries of all of //Familial Bliss//'s major players. Is it surprising that you're making less than the child actor who plays your younger brother? Either way, what's //definitely// surprsing is that the screenwriter has been taking annual paycuts since the first season.](if: $sc1Strategy is 4)[You have been hustling nonstop since you moved to LA three years ago. You've now secured a role with a character arc on a show that's broadcast nationally. You spend some time keeping your trap padlocked and watching the gears turn.] [[<=|fb subversive sitcom information gathering]]

''YOU ARE NOW UNDEAD'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUndead)) Before the neurons required for you to take action can fire, your reflect-in-silhouette reaches out and touches you gently between the eyes. You don't go cold or numb or tickle or feel pain. But you sense that your mortal coil has popped. (display: "dayEnder")

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(if: (history:) contains "z mirror room" is false)[You enter a room wholly unlike the others. It's pitch black except for a lone standing mirror illuminated by a searing spotlight. You step in front of the mirror and find only your outline staring back. (link: "...")[This mirror has filled your outline with itself. A reflective version of you steps out of the mirror. Do something: A) [[Say hello]] B) [[Run away|Say hello]] C) (if: $inventory contains "projection of a chameleon")[[[Let the projection of a chameleon do the talking|z the boy disappears]]](else:)[Let the projection of a chameleon do the talking] (if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[D) (link: "Spend 5 Tokens to purchase the aporia stone")[(set: $account to it - 5) (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to it + (a: "aporia stone"))(goto: "profile")]]]]

(set: $inventory to it - (a: "projection of a chameleon"))As the shape-of-you begins to approach you, the image of a reptile that becomes what it touches [[snaps its elastic tongue|z conclusion]] at your form without content

''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite)) You appear behind a brownish couch. Watching from home, you never noticed that it's actually corduroy. And covered in that iconic afghan, brightly multi-colored, bulky. You're trying to get your bearings, but it's tough because the spotlights are hot and blinding. (Link: "Continue looking around.")[Under and beyond the tremendous glow of the lights, you think you can spot rows of theater seats. (Link: "Continue looking around.")[Behind you, the stairway is a laquered, conspicuously-inexpensive imitation of walnut wood, and it leads toward the "bedrooms." (Link: "Continue looking around.")[The carpet's seagreen and fluffy. (Link: "Continue looking around.")[Enter [[Brad Martin|fb enter brad]] stage right.]]]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mFamilial)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mFamilial)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 4))}

and the tongue sticks to your shape like when in the Christmas Story, the truest of Christmas movies because it is the ugliest of Christmas movies-- hideous both in content //and// in form (the main character's want, shallow as a shadow, propels the audience through a catalog of grotesque gags)-- a triple-dog dare glues a goggled prepubescent's tongue to a rusted flag pole bearing the stars and stripes. (link: "...")[''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite)) And the projection of the chameleon sucks up its tongue and lands on your shape's head. Your shape begins to reflect all known colors, and thus goes all white. And thus becomes who else but jolly St. Nick. Then shoots up a chimney you'd previously missed, and, while sleighing off into the night, yawps "A good white to all, and to all a good white!" (display: "dayEnder")]

A) {(if: $account >= 2)[ (link: "Spend 2 Tokens for a Bonus Experience in a new Tube")[ (set: $bonusSwitch to true) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (set: $bonusType to "new") (set: $account to it - 2) (goto: "loading") ] ] (else:)[Spend 2 Tokens for a Bonus Experience in a new Tube] } B) {(if: $account >= 4)[ (link: "Spend 4 Tokens for a Bonus Experience in a randomly-selected, previously-encountered Tube")[ (set: $bonusSwitch to true) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (set: $bonusType to "random") (set: $account to it - 4) (goto: "loading") ] ] (else:)[Spend 4 Tokens for a Bonus Experience in a randomly-selected, previously-encountered Tube] } C) {(if: $account >= 6)[ (link: "Spend 6 Tokens for a Bonus Experience of your own choosing from a personalized list of previously-encountered Tubes")[ (set: $bonusSwitch to true) (set: $bonusLoop to false) (set: $bonusType to "pcChoice") (set: $account to it - 6) (goto: "loading") ] (else:)[Spend 6 Tokens for a Bonus Experience of your own choosing from a personalized list of previously-encountered Tubes] ] (else:)[Spend 6 Tokens for a Bonus Experience of your own choosing from a personalized list of previously-encountered Tubes] } D) (link-reveal: "End Bonus Experience Roulette")[(set: $bonusEnd to true)(set: $bonusLoop to false)(set: $bonusSwitch to false) Very good! Then it's off to the [[Collideascope|loading]] you go!]

(set: $bonusSwitch to true)Congratulations! You've had your first Experience as a //real// ''every''man, ''every''woman, or ''every''-non-binary human being person! Next, INFINITUBE will present your ''Profile'', which contains your ''Tokens'', ''Attributes'', and ''Inventory''. Pay attention to these, especially the Attributes, as you'll be finding them quite useful when you meet Phinn, which will be coming right up after your self-selected ... (link: "...")[Bonus Experience! [[=>|bonus experience offer]]]

(if: $sc1Action is 1)[(if: ($pcAttributes contains "unemployable on planet earth") and ((history:) contains "blue box" is false))[''YOU ARE EVEN LESS UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUnemployable)) Life's bounty, which can multiply //and// divide. (display: "dayEnder")]''YOU ARE NOW UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUnemployable)) What you could not have known is that it's 1992. The studio, your employer, displays an aptitude for maintaining abuse amongst its ranks near-Catholic in its scale, complexity, and effaciousness. You are fired and told that you will never work in this town again. You quickly learn this threat is not restricted to the profession of acting; the town not merely LA. What does a person who cannot work or settle in a place do? (display: "dayEnder")](if: $sc1Action is 2)[''YOU ARE NOW INEFFECTIVE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attIneffective)) On one of the fairly common days in which the screenwriter is on set, you approach the producer and show him a "doodle that you found by the powdered donuts" (which everyone knows are the screenwriter's favorite). It's a drawing of the producer (you drew it) that plays up his anachronistic, hepcat look to the umpth degree. The doodle has him basically as a heroin addict (syringes hang unattended from his arm) with a taste for the studio's butthole--America, in turn, has a taste for the producer's. What you had not anticipated was the depth of the producer's cynicism: He loves the doodle. He laughs, thanks you for showing it to him, and tacks it to the corkboard with the daily schedules. He doesn't even care to ask about who did it. In fact, given his self-loathing and propensity for absorbing the accomplishments of others, he may have assumed that he himself did it during one of his benders. (display: "dayEnder")](if: $sc1Action is 3)[''YOU ARE NOW A LITTLE CONFUSED'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attConfused)) Wow, you're gonna stick up for yourself like a big kid, huh? Good for you! You do that! You go talk to that producer! You say that you need more money or you're gonna walk! A laugh like a spider climbs up from his sternum and out of his mouth. It springboards from his chin to your hair, where it buys a condo, has a few kids, retires early, does crossword puzzles, leaves the condo to the producer, checks off its itemized bucket list, is well-remembered. (display: "dayEnder")](if: $sc1Action is 4)[''YOU ARE NOW SENSIBLE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attSensible)) Recognizing that your situation is frustrating but that there would be some real futility in sabotaging your source of income--and self-reliance--you opt for a middle ground. You tell the producer that you are unhappy with your character arc. He's not a nice guy, and his response is condescending and maybe even a little insulting, but at least someone other than you knows what you think about the situation, and you live to fight another day. (display: "dayEnder")]

''YOU NOW HAVE A TROPE FOR A DAD'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "trope dad")) Brad Martin plays your dad, Dudley Craig, on //Familial Bliss//. He's a burly man, large, loveable, but also powerful and intimidating. He said something a second ago, but your mind was adrift. Do you: A) [[Say what you hope is your line and hope for the best|fb pro]] B) [[Yell CUT|fb perfectionist]]

''YOU ARE NOW A PRO'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attPro)) This is your first role on a sitcom, but you've done enough commercial work to understand the timing of these things. You heave an eyeroll at the rafters and hit your line like a juiced baseball player. (link: "...")["Greta Garbo probably never wandered shoeless into a school dance, //Dad//." (link: "A pause.")[The audience cracks up. Your arc is part of a special serial plot: You're the estanged (and therefore newly-introduced) hippy daughter of America's third-favorite working class family from Duluth, Minnesota. Your character, Annabelle Craig, ran away from home years ago and went on to become one of the very few incredibly successful female investment bankers in the Big Apple. Then you came back to Duluth for your high school reunion. Classic tale of a tough, formerly idealistic woman reclaimed by her seemingly mastered pubescent insecurities because the demons of her past (which had in fact been furtively animating her so-called liberation and ruthless ascent to wealth all along) are back with a vengeance the very instant she locks eyes with Billy Kewler, the quarterback of the Duluth High Portable Winters who was then way out of her league but who stayed in Duluth after high school and has now become so familiar with pigs and their blankets that his stomach has its own facial expressions. Do you: A) [[Stick to the script from here on out|sc1-A]] B) [[Find subtle ways to subvert this narrative|fb insulting]]]]

''YOU ARE NOW A PERFECTIONIST'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attPerfectionist)) "Cut" you [[shout|fb mad brad]].

''YOU HAVE LOST YOUR DIGNITY'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "absence of dignity")) The climax of the season's arc has you and Billy resolve your differences as an uneasy (yet //hilarious//) but literal marriage of opposites. He, teeth like morse code in his trucker hat and flanel, and you, in a pants suit tap, tap, tapping away at the chapel's fax machine, elope in Reno after a series of misadventures that include a cameo by an SNL cast member, a retelling of the parable of the talents, and the world's largest lobster. The final scene has you stradling his stomach like a bipedal camel's hump and riding him all the way to Detroit, Michigan, which, you both agree, splits the difference between nyc and Duluth. (link: "Or does it?")[(link: "Find out next season on")[(link: "FAMILIAL BLISS")[ (display: "dayEnder")]]]

Now that you think about it, this plot is totally insulting and not something you really want to be a part of at all. It's time to do some [[subversive sitcom information gathering|fb subversive sitcom information gathering]].

It's one thing when a human being person is mad at you. It's another when a person who makes a living with over-the-top expressive gestures is mad at you. (link: "...")[And this is even more than that. (link: "...")[[[Brad|fb mad brad reputation]] throws his hands in the air and grinds his teeth. "Who hired this retarded primadonna dipshit for a fucking sentimental bit part on a show that's getting cancelled this season anyway?"]]

(set: $sc1Counter to it + 1)(if: $sc1Counter >= 3)[(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom action")]Fools rush in; your first move is recon. (if: $sc1Counter is 2)[//Only one more option left. Pick wisely!//](else:)[//You'll only be able to investigate two options, so you'll have to try to put together a strategy with limited information.//] A) (link: "Talk to the actor who plays the ridiculously hot mom")[(set: $sc1Strategy to 1)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom strats")] B) (link: "Keep a close eye on the producer")[(set: $sc1Strategy to 2)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom strats")] C) (link: "Check the books")[(set: $sc1Strategy to 3)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom strats")] D) (link: "Play it cool")[(set: $sc1Strategy to 4)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom strats")]

The time for action has arrived: A) (link: "Bring a harrassment charge against Brad Martin")[(set: $sc1Action to 1)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom action result")] B) (link: "Pit producer and screenwriter against each other")[(set: $sc1Action to 2)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom action result")] C) (link: "Demand more money")[(set: $sc1Action to 3)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom action result")] D) (link: "Have a sensible, honest conversation with the producer")[(set: $sc1Action to 4)(go-to: "fb subversive sitcom action result")]

Brad is beloved by America because he looks like a teddy bear. On //Familial Bliss// he plays the kind of dad who could protect his cubs if he had to but never does because everyone he meets falls under the sway of his charisma. On set, though, he has a reputation for a violent, hair-trigger temper. This is the first time you're seeing it up close. Do you: A) [[Ask him not to speak to you that way|fb unemployable]] B) [[Back away slowly|fb mad brad chair]]

(if: ($pcAttributes contains "unemployable on planet earth") and ((history:) contains "blue box" is false))[''YOU ARE EVEN LESS UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUnemployable)) Life's bounty, which can multiply //and// divide. (display: "dayEnder")](else:)[''YOU ARE NOW UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUnemployable)) What you could not have known is that it's 1992. The studio, your employer, displays an aptitude for maintaining abuse amongst its ranks near-Catholic in its scale, complexity, and effaciousness. A week after gently asserting yourself you are fired and told that you will never work in this town again. You quickly learn this threat is not restricted to the profession of acting; the town not merely LA. What does a person who cannot work or settle in a place do?] (display: "dayEnder")

You return to your dressing room and sit in your chair. Your hands are shaking, and you try to stop them by force of will, but that makes it worse. You close your eyes and breathe deeply. It's strangely quiet, and it's all the more quiet because [[no one is coming|fb mad brad strats]] to check on you.

You don't //have// to do anything about this. But you might want to. A) (link: "Kill Brad")[(set: $sc2Action to 1)(goto: "fb mad brad results")] B) (link: "Write a letter to the LA Times")[(set: $sc2Action to 2)(goto: "fb mad brad results")] C) (link: "Tough it out")[(set: $sc2Action to 3)(goto: "fb mad brad results")] D) (link: "Begin routinely pranking Brad")[(set: $sc2Action to 4)(goto: "fb mad brad results")] E) (link: "Quit")[(set: $sc2Action to 5)(goto: "fb mad brad results")]

(if: $sc2Action is 1)[Okay, how would you like to end a human being's life? A) [[Poison|fb mad brad ex con]] B) [[Push off high building|fb mad brad ex con]] C) [[Stab with knife|fb mad brad ex con]] D) [[Shoot with gun|fb mad brad ex con]]](if: $sc2Action is 2)[(if: ($pcAttributes contains "unemployable on planet earth") and ((history:) contains "blue box" is false))[''YOU ARE EVEN LESS UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUnemployable)) Life's bounty, which can multiply //and// divide.](else:)[''YOU ARE NOW UNEMPLOYABLE ON PLANET EARTH'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUnemployable)) What you could not have known is that it's 1992. The studio, your employer, displays an aptitude for maintaining abuse amongst its ranks near-Catholic in its scale, complexity, and effaciousness. A week after reaching out to an editor at the //LA Times// you are fired and told that you will never work in this town again. You quickly learn this threat is not restricted to the profession of acting; the town not merely LA. What does a person who cannot work or settle in a place do? (display: "dayEnder")]](if: $sc2Action is 3)[ ''YOU ARE NOW A LITTLE CONFUSED'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attConfused)) Like a professional athlete who plays through injury after injury, you absorb the damage of Brad's tantrum and sally onward. His outburts become routine. At the end of the season, you decide to take a break from acting. You have yet to consider your next move.](if: $sc2Action is 4)[''YOU ARE NOW A CIVILIZER OF MEN'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attCivOfMen)) Although home audiences are fully enamored with Brad, no one you personally work with likes him, save the producer. You therefore have a very wide berth in terms of both what you can do to Brad and what you can get away with, since everyone will help you and the culprit could be anyone. Throughout the season you and others: - switch his hotdog with a poop - put some poop in his coffee - slip some poop into a narrow hole in his car's upholstery - spread plastic wrap over his toilet - send several giftwrapped boxes of poop to his house around Christmas Okay, so you're not the most creative unit of pranksters, but eventually Brad does approach the producer to ask for help Stopping the Poop. The producer calls a meeting, gravely announces that "The poop has to stop." "Have you tried bananas?" Bri asks. A ceasefire is agreed upon--under the condition that Brad be enrolled in mandatory, bi-weekly anger management counseling. He does, and the season slides by on the frozen lake of an uneasy truce.](if: $sc2Action is 5)[''YOU ARE NOW CAPABLE OF MAKING HEALTHY LIFE CHOICES'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attCapHealthyChoices)) Look, you're not saying that leaving what was maybe a breakout role is ideal. What you //are// saying is that the chances of achieving your dreams through your performance on this show were was already small, and having to work with an eight-foot minotaur wasn't going to increase them. When you let the producer know your decision, he says something snarky, which you understand is his way of apologizing for wasting your time.] (if: $sc2Action is not 1)[(display: "dayEnder")]

''YOU ARE NOW AN EX CON'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attExCon)) Great job, you killed someone. You do twenty-five in a maximum security prison and when you get out freedom fits like a diving bell. Maybe you'll discover new life at the bottom of the sea; maybe the cord to the surface will snap--who knows? (display: "dayEnder")

''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite)) How did you get here? You never liked going out. You knew this about yourself before the two of you got together, but you had other ideas about what your life would be like with Bobby once you both settled in. And but at the start of the relationship you almost took Bobby's relentless sociability as a dare. You've never been able to turn down a dare. Do you: A) [[Think about the times when you were a kid and had a hard time turning down dares|lp contemplative]] B) [[Think about the current state of your relationship|lp life in boston]] C) [[Start getting ready|lp moment of truth]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mLove)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mLove)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 5))}

''YOU ARE NOW CONTEMPLATIVE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attContemplative)) You're maybe twelve years old and you're kind of hosting--it's really your dad who's hosting it--a sleepover. You, your sister, the two girls who live next door, and another girl from further down the street occupy the room you and Josie share. The floor is wood and everyone except for you and Josie are on it with a sleeping bag and a pillow. It's cramped and that's part of the fun. The lights have been out for an hour or so and the truth-or-dare-induced giggling is reaching a fever pitch. (color: "#FF1493")[[[Cara|lp cara]]], the oldest of the two who live next door, just dared you to stick the pump of a spinning top up your butt. Do you: A) [[Pump up the jam|lp punch]] B) ~~Not do it~~

You're now living together in an apartment in Boston, a city neither of you loves. He had a career opportunity here, and you'd been to the aquarium once on a cross-country jaunt. Being alone in a new city is not much of a problem for you--the bigger problem is more being alone in a new city //with Bobby//, whom, it's become clear, has started to consider you a burden. It's not that Bobby is an unmitigated jerk. Bobby and you still have laughs and nice moments and go exploring here and there. It's more that his sense of self is bound to three separate and incompatible things: you, winning, and the opinions of others. Think about: A) [[How has he reacted to all this|lp negative impacts]] B) [[How have you reacted to all this|lp alone]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A FLEC OF INSIGHT'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "flec of insight")) What you could not have known at the beginning was that your mutual wildnesses were in fact vacuums where something like selves should have been. You're lying there in your bedsheet cocoon with the throw wrapped around your chest, and you say that you're not sure you want to go out. "Let's stay in, Bb. We can come up with something fun on our own, right?" He doesn't turn from the closet. "Come on, Nicky," he says. "Moping around the house all night isn't going to solve anything." Respond: A) [[What the fuck|lp friday alone]] B) [[Go out with him|lp give in]]

//Stick this out with me, and then, as soon as I'm able, I'll do the same for you. You can live off your savings, choose where we travel, pursue your pursuits, and I'll take care of all the living expenses one way or another.//

Legacy Junior High a few years later. You're walking parallel to a new student named Heidi who claims to have moved here from Spanish Harlem last week. "Claims" because there's talk that's untrue, pretty rampant talk, she's from Riverdale, and what's being suggested instead is that Heidi is actually just a very scared Puerto Rican girl who made up a bunch of bullshit when she got to Newburgh to (color: "#FF1493")[[[smokescreen|lp smokescreen]]]. The reason you might now swing wildly on her has nothing to do with that though. Do you: A) [[Knock this person the fugg out|lp ozone]] B) ~~Not do it~~

''//CONTEMPLATIVE//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 10 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Cara's attractive in a banal way, except that she's on the swim team and she's very good, like one-day-she-might-be-an-olympian-level good, which means that she has shoulders that scare boys away. Still, she's uncomplicated and good-natured and extremely focused, which makes her second-in-command in this group (to you, naturally. You lead with imagination and compassion and charisma, and you're attractive in a banal way too, except for your massive hips, which, you've been told, boys just look at and think //beep beep//. Your daring, most of the time, is part of your aforementioned charisma. Can an eleven-year-old understand when their charisma is being tested?) [[<=|lp contemplative]]

Bobby's been negatively impacted by you in many ways. He's vocal on these counts. After one of your most recent failures--one that actually did cost him some money--he thought seriously about breaking it off, but you were able to dissuade him from that course of action with a kind of deal: (link: "...")[ (display: "lp the deal") (link: "...")[Bobby was never particularly "nice" in an old-fashioned kinda way, but since this agreement, which he accepted, he's taken on a touch of cruelty. [[You return from your reveries on the precipice of a night out|lp moment of truth]].]]

You're trying your best to be the kind of woman Bobby seems to need. When you met him, Bobby claimed to be a feminist; but then again, when you met Bobby you also claimed to be a feminist. And yet the trajectory your intertwined paths has taken seems remarkably like what your mother always warned you against: You're alone in a city you don't know surrounded by people who don't love you, you don't have any money or skills that might obviously translate into income, and your only obvious means of sustanence is through the continued good will of a man who's constantly upset with you. [[You have some hope, though|lp a text of sorts]] ...

You turn onto your side and stare at his dresser drawers, which are covered in the clothes you put away for him. "Okay, okay, look, what did I do, I'm sorry ... I'll just be out a few hours and then I'll be back ... a little tipsy ... "And you know how I get when I'm druuuunk ..." (display: "dayEnder")

Your jaw's so tense it's hard to move, which is ultimately a good thing, because if you could speak you'd only say something you'd later regret. You throw on a wrinkled outfit that Bobby doesn't like and he tells you as much and you don't like it either so who the fuck cares. You spend the night pouting and Bobby doesn't know why you're there and you don't know why you're there and that about says it [[until the very very end of the night|tc3-BA]] ...

The World Trade Organization is the intergovenmental organization that decides the rules of trade between nations. "//One// entity determines the entire world's law trade laws?" you might ask?

''YOU NOW HAVE THE HYPOCRITE OF THE YEAR AWARD'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "the hypocrite of the year award")) You did exactly the same smokescreening when you got to Newburgh. You actually told everyone that your family is from Harlem (where your best friend Henrietta is actually from and who, by the way, knows--//from your own mother//--that it's a total lie). You actually grew up in the rectory of a church on W 29th and 5th avenue called The Church of the Transmogrification. [[<=|lp punch]]

You're in your late-twenties now. It's you and Bobby, actually, in your old place, a basement apartment without natural light. You're both performing strained attempts at intimacy during your already-painful early courtship. But hey, at least it's not [[Bushwick|lp bushwick]].

Bobby, like seemingly everyone your age and demographic, lives in Bushwick--a neighborhood that you've purposefully avoided and actively resented for its hypercommodification of the strange, rebellion, the hybridic. [[Wait so why are you so enamored with Bobby again|lp bobby]]?

Something has you sure he's a kindred spirit, but it's hard to pin down. He's got the uniform: black skinny jeans and pre-worn t-shirts and horn-rim glasses, the pomade, the experiments with facial hair ... all of which reek of a focus group–tested cool ... But something in his manner also has a hypnotizing shimmer, a diagonal resistance, a spark that can be seen even through the drudgerous quirk of Bushwick and the churn of corporate routine, which has already crushed the spirits of many of your peers, but has instead polished and hardened Bobby's [[feralness|lp feral]] and left it all-the-more resistant to bumps and bruises.

E.g. when you met him. You'd heard of him, same friend network at Bing, seen pictures of him on Facebook, a kind of dorky-if-predicatable charm to his social media presence, but really what stood out were the rumors surrounding his dick. Mainly that it was tremendous. All the more so because, for him, the stories went, it was a kind of joke, a clown's nose. You actually saw it firsthand [[the night you met|mw--de1]] in person.

You're both performing strained attempts at intimacy during your already-painful early courtship. So Bobby, reasonable guy that he is, offers up what he means to be a peaceable dissolution of the prematurely wilting partnership. You're an artist. He knows that. You can't afford to travel. He knows that. Well he's decided to go to Crete for a few months, and you're welcome to come, but no pressure. Was that a dare? A) [[Yes|lp life in boston]] B) ~~No~~

You're on the rooftop of a friends' apartment building on a July night in Bushwick. You're here and so is Bobby and the dude you live with and all your sloppy indebted middle class pals. Everyone's talking, which is not something you're good at so it's boring and so naturally your eyes wander. Maybe you and Bobby notice each other a little. No biggie. He's got like a Tinder date with him or whatever? Doesn't look serious or fun even really. At some point you head down to your friend's apartment to relax in the bathroom for a bit. You spend ten minutes popping your blackheads in the mirror and when you feel it's time to leave, who's splayed on the couch outside the door? Bobby: wasted. But he knows of you! He says: (link: "...")[ "I hear you're like really obscure." As you help him get into the bathroom the moment feels oddly weighty, important. And so you sit on the selfsame couch where Bobby had just a few seconds ago been seated himself--not to wait for Bobby's inevitable reemergence in your life, but for your heart to come back to you. (link: "...")[The dude you live with walks in and says he wants to go. A clatter in the bathroom. (link: "...")[The dude you live with says huh. (link: "...")[And he opens the bathroom door and you both find Bobby lying in the bathtub with his baby beluga flopping around and he's pissing on himself and the dude says gross and closes the door. On the train home dude says that such-and-such passed the Bar exam while you sing "Baby beluga in the deep blue sea / swim so far and you swim so free ..." (link: "...")[A year and a month later it's [[you and Bobby, actually, in your old place, a basement apartment without natural light|tc1-AA-2]].]]]]]

Seattle. Night turns to day with sunrise hidden behind heavy clouds. (link-reveal: "All's quiet as a cave")[ for now. You're on the northernmost side of Pike Street, perpendicular to 9th Avenue, where the South by Southeastearn one-way of traffic would be crashing into you if there were any traffic today. Far up 9th avenue, a row of state troopers in full riot gear. [[Don't forget to breathe|wto ruckus]].]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mWTO)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mWTO)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 6))}

You're currently working on something you believe in. A text of sorts, a weird one, something that might finally express how funny and sad and chaotic and "redeemable" the world you know is. If you can pump this thing out in the next four months, it'll be ready right in time for grant application season, and if it wins anything at all, all will be forgiven and you'll be able to start making good on your end of the deal. (link: "What deal?")[(display: "lp the deal") But even if it isn't, you'll have something new you can show people, which will help you get jobs. You [[return from your reveries|lp moment of truth]] on the precipice of a night out.]

when you're walking home and Bobby needs to go into the gas station. He emerges minutes later with Haribo Gold Gummy Bears, which he says are your favorite, they aren't, but your sweet tooth is desperate and anything at all does the trick. (link: "...")[(display: "dayEnder")]

You're not a core member of the Ruckus Society, but someone in the chain of command must think highly of you, because this is a high stakes spot. The pigs with their plastic shields, armor-plated uniforms; helmets with long, clear visors; nightsticks at the ready; tear gas smoke bombs pepper spray rubber bullets at the hip. You look to your left and right. The sight pierces your cynicism for a moment. Thousands of agents of self-expression locked in a (color: "#FF1493")[ [[human barricade|wto human barricade]]] against any-and-all of the delegates from the WTO. There's a little [[commotion|wto delegate arrives]] to your left.

This is not a bunch of flower-toting hippies dry-humping a redwood. We're talking four or five deep, chests to backs, locked at the elbow. If a delegate can get through this it won't be because they asked nicely. [[<=|wto ruckus]]

A (color: "#FF1493")[ [[delegate|wto dad]]] has already arrived. He's doing a pathetic attempt of trying to break the line. Flailing into it like a styrofoam noodle and getting bounced back. Let him through? A) [[Yes|wto exiled]] B) [[No|wto unwanted attention]]

''YOU ARE NOW EXILED'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attExiled)) As soon as you unlink your arms from the barricade, it knots itself again behind you. You're now on the outside, same as the delegate. The goal of the protesters at the N30 demonstrations was to //not// let the WTO's delegates into the Washington State Convention Center. (display: "dayEnder")

He's not //that// pitiful. His presence here has attracted some [[unwanted attention|wto downside]], though.

''//Exiled//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Right. You'd forgotten: When you, Ruckus, and the various other groups that make up the Direct Action Network wrapped yourselves around the convention center, you actually sealed in a group of the state troopers. This seemed like a good idea at first, since this group had effectively been kettled, and wouldn't, therefore, be able to communicate with the coppers on the outside. The downside of having a stable of pigs behind you [[becomes immediately clear|wto cop yanks]], however.

An armored arm explodes into your peripherals. It grabs the guy next to you by his curly mop of black hair and yanks like it's trying to snatch a root vegetable from the dirt. Do you: A) [[Uppercut the cop in the chin where his plastic visor doesn't protect|wto uppercut]] B) [[Break ranks and start shouting in the cop's face|wto yell]] C) [[Hold your position|wto stalwart]]

Fuck everything. That guy he just mollywopped had to have been a good guy, you were fighting the same fight, and you're not going to let him get pummeled on your watch. You haul back and give this coppertino the Sagat Muy Thai spiralling uppercut that'll nix his HP. (link: "...")[Except for that you've just um lost total leverage in this situation. You struck an officer of the law. (link: "...")[He recovers. He (and two of his fellow officers) beat the shit out of you before dumping you in a paddywagon. (display: "dayEnder")]]

(set: $wtoHealth to 6) You're mad. But you're not a moron--you know that if you slugged this cuticle of moloch he'd essentially gain free reign over your corpus. You yell at him; he beats the shit out of you; which was coming anyway. [[The next hour or so is kind of a blur|wto duckworth]].

''YOU ARE NOW STALWART'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attStalwart)) (set: $wtoHealth to 6)These fucks want you to be intimidated; want you off your square; want you to react in either fear or anger, and you're not going to give them a single thing they want. (link: "...")[You hold fast. You don't even feel it when the blow comes down over your head. [[The next hour or so is kind of a blur|wto duckworth]].]

(set: $wto2Counter to it + 1)(if: $inventory contains "first aid kit")[(set: $wtoConclusion to true)(set: $inventory to it - (a: "first aid kit"))"Yips! Our hero whose name will ring with renown through the millenia!" The raw meat guy smiles a few teeth shy of a high five. Time to return [[southeast|wto unionists]] to give the ANTIFA guys their mask back.](else-if: (history:) contains "wto chicken out")[''YOU ARE NOW JUDGED'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attJudged))(set: $wtoConclusion to true) "What the hecking heck?" Duckworth says. "You're telling me you went through all that to run away from some cop? "I stand in judgement of you," he says. (display: "dayEnder")](else-if: $inventory contains $gasMask)["See, there you go, Yips! Now hurry the fuck up and get me the goddamn kit!" The McDonald's is still [[northwest|wto tear gas]]; meanwhile, to the [[southeast|wto unionists]], you'll still find the ANTIFA cats.](else-if: (($wto2Counter >= 2) and ((history:) contains "wto tear gas" is false)) or ($tearGasCounter > 1))[You see Duckworth marshalling resources. It's like he has a sensor that detects you're in the vicinity because he doesn't look over but barks "Well, Yips? "Where's the friggin kit??" The McDonald's is still [[northwest|wto tear gas]]; meanwhile, to the [[southeast|wto unionists]], you'll still find the ANTIFA cats.](else-if: ($wto2Counter >= 2) and ((history:) contains "wto tear gas"))[You tell Duckworth what happened. "They dropped tear gas over there, man. I can't get through!" (link: "...")[Duckworth's body burps. "Holy Crow," Duckworth says. "These are the guys they're sending my way? "Yips, for crying out loud. It's not like we gotta lotta options, here, buddy. //Find// a way through!" The McDonald's is still [[northwest|wto tear gas]]; meanwhile, to the [[southeast|wto unionists]], you'll still find the ANTIFA cats.]](else:)[(set: $inventory to it + (a: "[[envelope stamped WTO|wto blocker]]"))(set: $wtoWearing to "null")(set: $wtoConclusion to false)You get a sense of yourself again at the corner of Union and Fifth, Rainier Square. You're still rising into consciousness as you hear Duckworth calling your name: "Yips! Yips!" "Get over here!" You begin to make your way over to him. (link: "...")["Now goddamn it!" (link: "...")[You hurry over to him. "Look at this guy." There's a guy at Duckworth's feet who looks like raw meat. He continues. "I need you to get up to the McDonald's on Fifth over there and recover the goddamn med-kit, then bring it back to me." If you remember right the McDonald's [[northwest|wto tear gas]] of here. There's also a path to a bunch of very well-run ANTIFA cats to the [[southeast|wto unionists]].]]]

(if: ($inventory contains $gasMask) and ($wtoConclusion is true))[A silhouette in black greets you. "I heard how Duckworth celebrated your return with the kit just now. "How did his words make you feel?" A) "(link: "Like a hero! Duh!")[(set: $wtoAntifaQ to 1)(set: $wtoWearing to "null")(goto: "wto conclusion blocker")]" B) "(link: "Like I did a good job?")[(set: $wtoAntifaQ to 2)(set: $wtoWearing to "null")(goto: "wto conclusion blocker")]" C) "(link: "Like a phony")[(set: $wtoAntifaQ to 3)(set: $wtoWearing to "null")(goto: "wto conclusion blocker")]" D) "(link: "They were just words, bro and/or sis")[(set: $wtoAntifaQ to 4)(set: $wtoWearing to "null")(goto: "wto conclusion blocker")]" E) "(link: "What the fuck is your problem?")[(set: $wtoAntifaQ to 5)(set: $wtoWearing to "null")(goto: "wto conclusion blocker")]"](else-if: ($inventory contains $gasMask) and ($wtoConclusion is false))[The anti-fascists have left this area for the moment. You can go [[northwest|wto duckworth]].](else-if: ((history:) contains "wto tear gas") is false)[The ANTIFA cats are making day into night down here, man. All in black. They're so dressed in such black ... a whole hole couldn't scratch a gasp from their grasp! Their carriage too suggests the seriousness of their outfit. And seriously out-fit for the occassion, baby! Groovy, yeah! They all have gas masks, for example. Do ya wanna yeah return to Duckworth up [[northwest|wto duckworth]], or I said yeah yeah baby, yeah, do ya wanna re-turn to Duck-worth by a-travelling [[a-northwest|wto duckworth]]?](else:)[The ANTIFA fellas are stantioned in this area. They're being smart, effective, and useful. For evidence of their practical contribution to the day's events, look no further than their small surplus of [[gas masks|wto unionists answer]].]

(set: $tearGasCounter to it + 1)(if: $tearGasCounter is 1)[You head northwest toward the McDonald's. Before you can get far, though, the sentinels of police officers throw cannisters of tear gas and smoke bombs in your path, blocking your way.](if: $tearGasCounter > 1)[Smoke and tear gas block your path to the McDonald's. ](if: ($inventory contains $gasMask) and ($wtoWearing is "gas mask"))[ But the mask fits like a glove, which allows you to continue [[northwest|wto mcdonalds]] through the synthetic, injurious air.](else-if: ($inventory contains $gasMask) and ($wtoWearing is "null"))[To go any farther you'll have to put on your [[gas mask|wto inventory]].](if: ($tearGasCounter >= 1) and ($inventory contains $gasMask is false))[ Ranier Square and Duckworth are [[southeast|wto duckworth]] from your current position.]

The golden arches have never looked more welcoming: (link: "...")[an illusion. A cop sees where you're headed and makes a beeline toward the same supplies. Do you: A) [[Continue in spite of impending peril|wto get supplies]] B) [[Fuck it|wto chicken out]]]

{ (display: "loop blocker") }(if: $inventory's length > 0)[''//Inventory//'' (for: each _item, ...$inventory)[(print: _item + ("\n"))]] [[<=|wto tear gas]]

{ (set: $return to (history:)'s last) }You think of plague doctors, who wore masks not unlike this one and walked in the streets while the rest of Europe was ferried to the afterlife by the wheelbarrow. (if: (history:)'s last is "wto inventory")[ Do you: A) [[Strap on the mask|wto gas mask on]] B) [[Bail|wto chicken out]]](else:)[ [[<=|$return]]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A GAS MASK'' (set: $gasMask to "[[gas mask|wto gas mask]]")(set: $inventory to it + (a: $gasMask)) You approach one of the ANTIFA cats and explain the situation. "That's what they're here for." Guess where Duckworth is: A) [[Southeast|wto joke]] B) [[Northwest|wto duckworth]]

(set: $inventory to it + (a: "first aid kit"))(set: $wtoHealth to 3)You don't give a fugging fug. You run to the supplies, grab 'em and turn around fast, taking a couple blows in the process. You're sure you can't take any more physical punishment, but for now you've gotten what you came for. Boy oh boy will [[Duckworth|wto duckworth]] will be glad to see you!

You already got your ass kicked once today. You're just not in the mood for another beating. Beat feet [[southeast|wto duckworth]] toward Ranier Square.

(print: (either: "Here it is: the alpha and omega of romantic mobster compositions. The ruthless gamesmanship undercut and exalted by a patriarchal familial bond not only self-defeating but also self-aware. In the end, it is only Annie Hall who can make Sophie's Choice.", "The Civil War rages offscreen while in foregrounded lower Manhattan, a method actor steps strange knee in plaid pants. The Irish are black; the Black are blacker than black. Boss Tweed smiles and laughs and thunder crack-cracks. //I ain't got the stomach for no Irish stew.// Oh? But you do. Oh, and you will.", "How could it possibly be that a girl from a poor Kansas home would bid herself a speedy flight from it? And this girl, a kind of Odysseus of her own volition, will have to make friends fast, give a witch a bath, and expose the Wizard's ass to achieve the mantle of her regret.", "Considered by many (one person) to be the blackest movie of the mid-90s, this is the story of a magical white albino boy and the town who crucified him. After the sudden death of his mysterious grandparents, a soft-spoken-too-pure-for-the-world adolescent is thrust into a world of juvenile delinquents, dying mothers, and deer. Watch for the uncomfortable layering of daddy issues (too include very uncomfortable parallels to the real-life history of the writer-director) and a very sexy Jeff Goldblum. What does it all mean?", "There's a box. The box floats in the void. Inside the box there are lots of floors and passages. An insectile predator finds its way into the box. The human body is its eggs' incubator. In the end we learn that Nature is both the void and the predator, and that the void, though typically quiet as a mouse, has a mouth that swallows as well as shouts.", "This one only uses funny symbols called letters. These letters, millions, maybe billions of them, are arranged in an intensely considered order. The accumulated effect of this order is that the stuff going on in front of your face is actualized by the stuff going on inside your face. You could say that the developers have outsourced the implementation of their vision to you. You could also say that their vision is thus so wildly cost effective they're free in ways most developers simply undervalue.", "Now here is a narrative apparatus worth infinitely more than its failing development studio! What's its secret? Be rad; everything else can be improvised.")) (set: $bbClerkPresent to true)(set: $bbHasKey to false) [[=>|bib0]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mBrowsing)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mBrowsing)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 7))}

(if: (((history:) contains "bb-mother") is false) and (((history:) contains "bb-brother") is false) and (((history:) contains "bb-self") is false))[''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' ''YOU HAVE AN ANDREW JACKSON'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite))(set: $inventory to it + (a: "andrew jackson"))](set: $bbTimer to 31)(set: $bbClerkPresent to true)(set: $bbRental to it - it) You are a fifteen-year-old kid, and you are in your happy place: Blockbuster. Tonight you have an opportunity to become the man of the house. To receive this elevation in status, tribal custom requires that you recieve a handout from a matriarch and select the entertainment for the evening. If anyone's unhappy with all of your choices, your little brother will be offered the mantle next Friday. (display: "bb-master") [[=>|bb-aisle]]

''//Stalwart/'' - //intangible// exchange value: 4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

(display: "bb-main-timers")(link: "To see your rite of passage again, click here.")[Ma's given you an Andrew Jackson but asked you not to spend more than an Alexander Hamilton and is waiting for you with your younger brother in the coche. They both need to be able to watch something they enjoy. If anyone's unhappy with all of your choices, your little brother will be offered the mantle next Friday.](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ You're in the main aisle, from which you can access the whole store. (if: $bbTimer is 30)[Fair or not, Ma usually gets a little bent out of shape if the selection process takes more than a half hour, so you'll probably want to get to work. You currently have $bbTimer minutes.](else:)[You currently have $bbTimer minutes.] The [[register|bb-register]] is at the front. Otherwise, go to a section: A) [[action|bb-action]] B) [[adult|bb-adult]] C) [[comedy|bb-comedy]] D) [[documentary|bb-documentary]] E) [[drama|bb-drama]] F) [[family|bb-family]] G) [[fantasy/sci-fi|bb-fantasy]] H) [[horror/thriller|bb-horror]] I) [[professional wrestling|bb-pw]] J) [[games|bb-games]] (display: "bb-master")]

(display: "bb-main-timers")(if: ($bbClerkPresent is true) and ($bbClerkTimer is 0))[There's an older white dude working the register today. He's wearing the official Blockbuster polo/khaki combo and has an impressive tum tum.](else-if: ($bbClerkPresent is true) and ($bbClerkTimer is 7))[As you step up to the register, the Mr. Clerk Man steps in from his smoke break.](else-if: $bbClerkTimer >= 8)[Mr. Guy with the tum is back from his smoke.](else:)[The nice clerk guy is outside smoking a ciggarette.] (if: $bbHasKey is false)[On the counter you spy a keychain with a finger covering disembodied lips. A small brass key therewith.](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ Do something: A) (if: $bbClerkPresent is false)[[[Look at prices|bb-register-prices]]](else:)[(if: ((history:) contains "bb-register-q1") is false)[ [[Ask about prices|bb-register-q1]]](else:)[ [[Look at prices|bb-register-prices]]]] B) (if: ($bbClerkPresent is true) and ($bbHasKey is false))[ [[Ask about the key|bb-register-q2]]](else-if: ($bbClerkPresent is false) and ($bbHasKey is false))[ [[Grab the key|bb-register-key]]](else-if: ($bbClerkPresent is true) and ($bbClerkTimer is 7))[ [[Slip the key back where it was real fast|bb-register-key]]](else-if: ($bbClerkPresent is false) and ($bbHasKey is true))[ [[Return the key where it was|bb-register-key]]] C) (if: $bbClerkPresent is false)[Begin checkout process](else:)[(if: $bbRental's length >= 1)[ [[Begin checkout process|bb-register-cp]]](else:)[Begin checkout process]] D) [[Go out to the car|bb-register-car]]] E) [[Return to the main aisle|bb-aisle]]

(set: $theRock to (dm: "title", "The Rock", "genre", "action", "new", false))A glowing green orb threatens to destory San Fransisco. Will the real James Bond please stand up, don the orange jumpsuit of an Alcatraz inmate, and stop a renegade group of terroists/U.S. Marines from destroying the entire world, not to mention the silicon and nappa valleys? (if: $bbRental contains $theRock)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theRock))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theRock)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theRock))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $blade to (dm: "title", "Blade", "genre", "action", "new", false))If niche is your fare: they made a movie outta a dang comic book! (if: $bbRental contains $blade)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $blade))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $blade)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $blade))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $theyLive to (dm: "title", "They Live", "genre", "action", "new", false))A professional wrestler discovers a pair of sunglasses that blot out bullshit. It's okay, but it's hard to suspend your disbelief too long after he finds his reflection and every ounce of him stares back. (if: $bbRental contains $theyLive)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theyLive))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theyLive)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theyLive))]]//]]] (if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to the main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(if: $bbHasKey is true)[Try the //Shh// key on the ''Adults Only'' door? A) [[Yes|bb-adult-in]] B) [[No|bb-aisle]]](else:)[A locked door with a sign reading ''Adults Only''. Beneath the sign, a finger covers disembodied lips.](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $comingToAmerica to (dm: "title", "Coming to America", "genre", "comedy", "new", false))In this ode to the heartwarming awkwardnesses guaranteed by cross-cultural encounters, a black dude born in Brooklyn plays the prince of a fictional African nation where there are loads of hot babes at his disposal but none of them are quite right so he decides that Queens is where he'll have to go to meet a true woman. (if: $bbRental contains $comingToAmerica)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $comingToAmerica))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $comingToAmerica)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $comingToAmerica))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $southParkBLU to (dm: "title", "South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut", "genre", "cartoon", "new", false))The two most competent ironists on the planet are paid employees of a big five media company. In their first full-length animated feature, Satan himself buttfucks the world leader of a nation the United States bombed on live television not ten years before. (if: $bbRental contains $southParkBLU)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $southParkBLU))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $southParkBLU)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $southParkBLU))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $dumbAndDumber to (dm: "title", "Dumb and Dumber", "genre", "comedy", "new", false))Two idiots go on a roadtrip to return a ransom to a woman with whom they've given their most precious resource: unearned affection. In one scene, it is has been said, the audience becomes party to their crimes by dint of a visible butt cheek. (if: $bbRental contains $dumbAndDumber)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $dumbAndDumber))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $dumbAndDumber)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $dumbAndDumber))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $theBigLebowski to (dm: "title", "Groundhog's Day", "genre", "comedy", "new", false))A dryer quaff. (if: $bbRental contains $theBigLebowski)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theBigLebowski))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theBigLebowski)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theBigLebowski))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $groundhogsDay to (dm: "title", "Groundhog's Day", "genre", "comedy", "new", false))A self-important sky-seeing soothsayer foreign to all healthful sociality finds himself in the most egrigious of logical errors: the loop. Thusly imprisoned by an allegory for the narcissist's repetition compulsion, it is up to this strikingly obstuse shaman to discover--and remedy--the cause of his casing ... or be stuck within it for eternity. (if: $bbRental contains $groundhogsDay)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $groundhogsDay))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $groundhogsDay)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $groundhogsDay))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $whenHarryMetSally to (dm: "title", "When Harry Met Sally", "genre", "romcom", "new", false))The refrain that invented a genre: old white people on couches retelling the terms of their conspicuously on-going entwinement. (if: $bbRental contains $whenHarryMetSally)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $whenHarryMetSally))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $whenHarryMetSally)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $whenHarryMetSally))]]//]]]]]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to the main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $bowlingForColumbine to (dm: "title", "Bowling for Columbine", "genre", "documentary", "new", false))An opinion piece about Columbine. (if: $bbRental contains $bowlingForColumbine)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $bowlingForColumbine))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $bowlingForColumbine)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $bowlingForColumbine))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $theBigOne to (dm: "title", "The Big One", "genre", "documentary", "new", false))An opinion piece about outsourcing. (if: $bbRental contains $theBigOne)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theBigOne))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theBigOne)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theBigOne))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $jazz to (dm: "title", "Jazz", "genre", "documentary", "new", false)) A history of jazz. (if: $bbRental contains $jazz)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $jazz))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $jazz)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $jazz))]]//]]][ [[Return to the main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $theGodfatherII to (dm: "title", "The Godfather II", "genre", "gangster", "new", false))Here it is: the alpha and omega of romantic mobster compositions. The ruthless gamesmanship undercut and exalted by a patriarchal familial bond not only self-defeating but also self-aware. In the end, it is only Annie Hall who can make Sophie's Choice. (if: $bbRental contains $theGodfatherII)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theGodfatherII))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theGodfatherII)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theGodfatherII))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $gangsOfNewYork to (dm: "title", "Gangs of New York", "genre", "gangster", "new", true))The Civil War rages offscreen while in foregrounded lower Manhattan, a method actor steps strange knee in plaid pants. The Irish are black; the Black are blacker than black. Boss Tweed smiles and laughs and thunder crack-cracks. //I ain't got the stomach for no Irish stew.// Oh? But you do. Oh, and you will. (if: $bbRental contains $gangsOfNewYork)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $gangsOfNewYork))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $gangsOfNewYork)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $gangsOfNewYork))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $mulhollandDrive to (dm: "title", "Mulholland Drive", "genre", "drama", "new", true))The bitter yuck of a thing odd on purpose is tempered by the truest story: a person who misplaces her personhood. (if: $bbRental contains $mulhollandDrive)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $mulhollandDrive))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $mulhollandDrive)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $mulhollandDrive))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $citizenKane to (dm: "title", "Citizen Kane", "genre", "drama", "new", false))It is a fact universally acknowledged that the fate of culturally important things is to be culturally important. At least that //was// true--until punk commodified rebellion too. This one's shadows will make you scream. (if: $bbRental contains $citizenKane)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $citizenKane))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $citizenKane)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $citizenKane))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $powder to (dm: "title", "Powder", "genre", "drama", "new", false))Considered by many (one person) to be the blackest movie of the mid-90s, this is the story of a magical white albino boy and the town who crucified him. After the sudden death of his mysterious grandparents, a soft-spoken-too-pure-for-the-world adolescent is thrust into a world of juvenile delinquents, dying mothers, and deer. Watch for the uncomfortable layering of daddy issues (too include very uncomfortable parallels to the real-life history of the writer-director) and a very sexy Jeff Goldblum. What does it all mean? (link: "Next") (if: $bbRental contains $Powder)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $powder))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $powder)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $powder))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $chinatown to (dm: "title", "Chinatown", "genre", "drama", "new", false))Everyone knows that Jack Nicholson is a great guy, but did you also know that he can play one in a movie? A baroque tale of water and the men who redirect it. (if: $bbRental contains $chinatown)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $chinatown))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $chinatown)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $chinatown))]]//]]]]]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $homeAlone to (dm: "title", "Home Alone", "genre", "family", "new", false))How could it possibly be that a boy from a well-to-do Chicago home would bid his family a fast disappearence? And this boy, a kind of Penelope of his own volition, weaves a cartoonish shroud of hijynx that his suitors, who are criminals, will traverse only at the risk of their own gilded tooth. (if: $bbRental contains $homeAlone)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $homeAlone))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $homeAlone)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $homeAlone))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $lastActionHero to (dm: "title", "Last Action Hero", "genre", "family", "new", false))The machine programed to exterminate the human race is back! But this time he plummets from the plots of big budget action movies into the lives of the children who adore him. (if: $bbRental contains $lastActionHero)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $lastActionHero))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $lastActionHero)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $lastActionHero))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $junior to (dm: "title", "Junior", "genre", "family", "new", false))Then: the machine himself is showing a very able pregnancy! (if: $bbRental contains $junior)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $junior))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $junior)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $junior))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $twins to (dm: "title", "Twins", "genre", "family", "new", false))Or: Danny DeVito is his shriveled twin! (if: $bbRental contains $twins)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $twins))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $twins)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $twins))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $jingleAllTheWay to (dm: "title", "Jingle All the Way", "genre", "family", "new", false))Or: He must beat his own dead-beat-dadery and bring this christmas season's hottest item home--that's actually the story! (if: $bbRental contains $jingleAllTheWay)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $jingleAllTheWay))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $jingleAllTheWay)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $jingleAllTheWay))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $theNightmareBeforeChristmas to (dm: "title", "The Nightmare", "genre", "cartoon", "new", false))What happens when a director's vision coalesces at every level? If this, the definitive creation of stop-motion animation musicals teaches us anything, it's that the vision transmogrifies into a ghoul--a ghoul craven for its progenitor's imaginative faculties! (if: $bbRental contains $theNightmareBeforeChristmas)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theNightmareBeforeChristmas))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theNightmareBeforeChristmas)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theNightmareBeforeChristmas))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $wizardOfOz to (dm: "title", "Wizard of Oz", "genre", "family", "new", false))How could it possibly be that a girl from a poor Kansas home would bid herself a speedy flight from it? And this girl, a kind of Odysseus of her own volition, will have to make friends fast, give a witch a bath, and expose the Wizard's ass to achieve the mantle of her regret. (if: $bbRental contains $wizardOfOz)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $wizardOfOz))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $wizardOfOz)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $wizardOfOz))]]//]]]]]]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $theMatrix to (dm: "title", "The Matrix", "genre", "sci-fi", "new", false))You genuflect before tapping this title: it emits a neon-green aura: it is a kind of god. What kind of god? A god of binary, and of resistance, of gothic futurism, and of technical achievement. (if: $bbRental contains $theMatrix)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theMatrix))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theMatrix)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theMatrix))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $aNewHope to (dm: "title", "A New Hope", "genre", "sci-fi", "new", false))Dear God, if you find time to rise from your intertextual grave in this lifetime or the next, please do us all a favor and put this Hero's Gurney out of its misery. Technical achievement aside, a long fart a better narrative engine has. (if: $bbRental contains $aNewHope)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $aNewHope))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $aNewHope)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $aNewHope))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $starshipTroopers to (dm: "title", "starship troopers", "genre", "sci-fi", "new", false))A plucky group of teenage models from Argentina enlist to become Space Nazis. Our hero proves to be a mindless killing machine that can't keep his dick in his pants. Before howling in victory and pledging allegiance to an endless war against all space scum, he blows up the big baddie bug.[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $starshipTroopers))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $starshipTroopers)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $starshipTroopers))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $alien to (dm: "title", "Alien", "genre", "sci-fi", "new", false))There's a box. The box floats in the void. Inside the box there are lots of floors and passages. An insectile predator finds its way into the box. The human body is its eggs' incubator. In the end we learn that Nature is both the void and the predator, and that the void, though typically quiet as a mouse, has a mouth that swallows as well as shouts. (if: $bbRental contains $alien)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $alien))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $alien)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $alien))]]//]]] (if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $theExorcist to (dm: "title", "The Exorcist", "genre", "horror", "new", false))The story of single motherhood gone horribly wrong, but not the way you expected. The daughter's acting up, but this time the culprit isn't hormones; it's satan. Can a man who's made a vow of celibacy step in and save the day? Only if he throws himself down a cement stairway! (if: $bbRental contains $theExorcist)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theExorcist))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theExorcist)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theExorcist))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $iceCreamMan to (dm: "title", "Ice Cream Man", "genre", "horror", "new", false))Ron Howard's stubbornly ugly older brother holds an ice cream cone with a skull in it. His face the true horror, the flick a proof of concept. (if: $bbRental contains $iceCreamMan)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $iceCreamMan))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $iceCreamMan)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $iceCreamMan))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $momento to (dm: "title", "Momento", "genre", "thriller", "new", false))Here the game is a lousy but perfectly executed sequential one the director played before you got there. Now he wants you to what? Watch it? (if: $bbRental contains $momento)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $momento))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $momento)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $momento))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $theGame to (dm: "title", "The Game", "genre", "thriller", "new", false))Here the game is a floppy, imperfectly executed conceptual one that tries to have a heart and almost succeeds. (if: $bbRental contains $theGame)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theGame))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $theGame)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $theGame))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $fridayTheThirteenth to (dm: "title", "Friday the 13th", "genre", "horror", "new", false))A (link-reveal: "psychopathic,")[(link-reveal: " murdering,")[(link-reveal: " and brilliant ...")[ MOM?!?]]] (if: $bbRental contains $fridayTheThirteenth)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $fridayTheThirteenth))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $fridayTheThirteenth)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $fridayTheThirteenth))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $attackOfTheKillerTomatoes to (dm: "title", "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", "genre", "horror", "new", false))Here is a way to spend two hours with a tomato on the cover. The tomato's eyes alight with pulpy violence and in its mouth there the fangs are gooooooofy! It and its sequels do a sing-a-long bounce toward humankind's giddy final installment. (if: $bbRental contains $attackOfTheKillerTomatoes)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $attackOfTheKillerTomatoes))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $attackOfTheKillerTomatoes)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $attackOfTheKillerTomatoes))]]//]]]]]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $summerSlamNineSeven to (dm: "title", "SummerSlam '97", "genre", "professional wrestling", "new", false))In this installment of the soap opera for dudes, the creative director of practically the whole biz greets Nietsczhe like a twin by aggressively destroying a documented but verbal arrangement with one of his top performers by planning and executing an unscripted event during an actual match. His motivation? Creative differences--that top performer insists there's still good guys and bad guys. (if: $bbRental contains $twins)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $summerSlamNineSeven))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $summerSlamNineSeven)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $summerSlamNineSeven))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $kingOfTheRingNineEight to (dm: "title", "King of the Ring '98", "genre", "professional wrestling", "new", false))In this installment of the soap opera for dudes, a very non-buff guy doing an absolutely adorable rendition of a deranged psychopath is tossed from a great height by an archetypical figure of death, who later secures the pinfall victory.(if: $bbRental contains $kingOfTheRingNineEight)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $kingOfTheRingNineEight))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $kingOfTheRingNineEight)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $kingOfTheRingNineEight))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $wrestlemaniaOneSeven to (dm: "title", "Wrestlemania 17", "genre", "professional wrestling", "new", true))In this installment of the soap opera for dudes, two brazen but wildly charismatic anti-heroes go toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe to toe. (if: $bbRental contains $wrestlemaniaOneSeven)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $wrestlemaniaOneSeven))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $wrestlemaniaOneSeven)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $wrestlemaniaOneSeven))]]//]]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

(set: $gtaViceCity to (dm: "title", "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City", "genre", "game", "new", true))Ever imagine yourself walking down the street beneath the glow of a neon sign in a port city at night, the beach doing its eternal exercise to your left, when suddenly instead of just walking past this guy next to you, you punch him in the mouth, take his gun, kill him with it, meet up with your friends? Now, you don't have to! (if: $bbRental contains $gtaViceCity)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $gtaViceCity))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $gtaViceCity)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $gtaViceCity))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $infinitube to (dm: "title", "Infinitube", "genre", "game", "new", false))This one only uses funny symbols called letters. These letters, millions, maybe billions of them, are arranged in an intensely considered order. The accumulated effect of this order is that the stuff going on in front of your face is actualized by the stuff going on inside your face. You could say that the developers have outsourced the implementation of their vision to you. You could also say that their vision is thus so wildly cost effective they're free in ways most developers simply undervalue. (if: $bbRental contains $infinitube)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $infinitube))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $infinitube)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $infinitube))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $mortalKombatDA to (dm: "title", "Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance", "genre", "game", "new", true))Now here is a narrative apparatus worth infinitely more than its failing development studio! What's its secret? Be rad; everything else can be improvised. (if: $bbRental contains $infinitube)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $infinitube))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $infinitube)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $infinitube))]]//] (link: "Next")[(set: $maddenZeroTwo to (dm: "title", "Madden '02", "genre", "game", "new", true))A fraction of this professional sports league's multimedia narrative machine, this game is updated once a year. In these updates, each athlete's skill levels are adjusted to reflect that respective athlete's previous year's output, and there're usually a few superficial mechanical additions or subtractions. The fun here is playing with friends. (if: $bbRental contains $maddenZeroTwo)[//To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $maddenZeroTwo))]//](else:)[//To rent this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $maddenZeroTwo)) To return this title, click (link-reveal: "here.")[(set: $bbRental to it - (a: $maddenZeroTwo))]]//]]]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ [[Return to main aisle|bb-aisle]]]

Click [[here|bb-mother]] to think about what kinds of movies your ''mother'' likes. Click [[here|bb-brother]] to think about what kinds of movies your ''brother'' likes. Click [[here|bb-self]] to think about what kinds of movies ''you'' like.

(display: "bb-preference-rules") (set: $return to (history:)'s last) Ma's love list - romcoms - gangster movies Ma's like list - comedies - documentaries - drama Ma's hate list - horror - action - cartoons - science fiction - fantasy - thrillers - professional wrestling - games [[<=|$return]]

(display: "bb-preference-rules") (set: $return to (history:)'s last) Trev's love list - horror - thrillers - comedies - games Trev's like list - action - gangster movies - drama - documentaries - cartoons - science fiction - fantasy - professional wrestling Trev's hate list - romcoms [[<=|$return]]

(display: "bb-preference-rules") (set: $return to (history:)'s last) Your love list - professional wrestling - horror - cartoons - games Your like list - action - comedies - documentaries - science fiction - fantasy - thrillers - animated movies - porn - romcoms - gangster movies - drama [[<=|$return]]

//"Love" connotes genres that are categorically enjoyable; "like" implies genres that are pleasing on a case-by-case basis; "hate" means nope.//

(if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[''YOU NOW HAVE THE COUNT STONE'' (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to it + (a: "count stone"))] {It's like you stepped into a cardboard bathtub(print: ("\n")) filled with strange dyes and viscosities.(print: ("\n")) Its walls are caving in and are kind of sticking to your skin.} {You swallow awkwardly. You swim left(print: ("\n")) And then you're on the sidewalk naked because the walls tore(print: ("\n")) But you're no less sticky or stangely dyed.} {Oh my goodness now they're making noises.(print: ("\n")) The sun's too goddamn hot! Is it bleeding?!(print: ("\n")) You drag your ankle on the sidewalk and it hurts just a little.} {That fucking noise! Is that really how people sound?(print: ("\n")) The answer will be a resounding maybe.(print: ("\n")) The condition is did your partner} {Also have a brick and mortar rebirth,(print: ("\n")) The parodic blitzkreig of pleasure bodies--(print: ("\n")) She sounds like that because his cock is a trumpet.} {On the one hand, you're watching this stuff and not doing it,(print: ("\n")) Which is, worst case scenario, a contraceptive;(print: ("\n")) On the other, the dick boogers, which you fling into the toilet.} (if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[[[=>|profile]]](else:)[[[<=|bb-aisle]]]

NEW MOVIES: $4.99 OLD MOVIES: $2.99 NEW GAMES: $7.99 OLD GAMES: $5.99 [[<=|bb-register]]

"How much is it to rent a video?" "Oh well hello and welcome to Blockbuster, young sir," he says. "Please have a look at our price table just here." He points above his head by giving himself bunny ears. A [[sign|bb-register-prices]] lists the store's prices.

"What's that key for," you ask. "Oh ... haha ... that." He smiles awkwardly. "Don't you worry about that." [[<=|bb-register]]

(if: $bbHasKey is true)[You quickly drop the key in the same spot you picked it up. (set: $bbHasKey to false) The clerk will probably be back in a second.](else:)[Do you think the clerk would mind if you just kind of used the key? Who can say? You pick up the //Shh// key. (set: $bbHasKey to true)] [[<=|bb-register]]

(set: $bbPayCounter it + 1) {(if: $bbPayCounter is 1)[ (if: $bbClerkPresent is true)[ (for: each _item, ...$bbRental)[ (if: (_item's new is false) and (_item's genre is not "game"))[ (set: $bbTotal to it + (3.19))] (if: (_item's new is false) and (_item's genre is "game"))[ (set: $bbTotal to it + (6.41))] (if: (_item's new is true) and (_item's genre is not "game"))[ (set: $bbTotal to it + (5.34))] (if: (_item's new is true) and (_item's genre is "game"))[ (set: $bbTotal to it + (8.55))]]]]}You hand your choices to the guy. (if: $bbRental contains $theMatrix)["Dude, yes, The Matrix is it, man. The Matrix."](else:)["Not what I woulda picked, you know, but there's no accounting for taste, right?"] He rings up all of your picks. "Okay," he says. "The total is going to be $$bbTotal." (set: $bbChange to 20) //Once you pay you will not be able to return to Blockbuster.// Do something: A) [[Ask him why that's more than you expected|bb-register-cp-tax]] B) [[Pay him|bb-register-cp-pay]] C) [[Return to the main aisle|bb-aisle]](else:)[The clerk is still smoking. [[<=|bb-register]]]

(if: (history:)'s last is "bb-register")[(set: $bbTimer to it - 3)] (if: $bbRental's length >= 1)[The glass door closes slowly behind you. No, actually, it doesn't-- The clerk has followed you outside. "Hey, man ... Whaddaya, tryna get me fired? You can't come out here without paying for your rental! It's okay like you know because I was needing a smoke break anyway but hey, you know?" (set: $bbClerkPresent to false)(set: $bbClerkTimerSwitch to true) He lights up a ciggarette.](else:)[(if: (((history:)'s last is "bb-register-car-ma") is false))[The glass door closes slowly behind you. ](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[You're in Vails Gate, a suburb of Newburgh, NY, the most violent city per capita on the eastern seaboard. Everywhere you look your gaze is met by a strip mall in bad shape and an impenetrable night that feels like it arrived at noon. Ma's gray Galant idles so Trev can listen to the radio. Ma herself is in the driver's seat with her hands wrapped around the steering wheel while her face does compulsive thinking dance.]](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ Do something: A) [[Talk to Ma|bb-register-car-ma]] B) [[Talk to Trev|bb-register-car-trev]] C) (if: $bbRental's length >= 1)[ [[Talk to the clerk|bb-register-car-clerk]]](else:)[Talk to the clerk] D) [[Go back inside|bb-aisle]]]

"That sounds like more than I thought it woulda been," you say. "Yeah," the guy says. "That's tax." [[<=|bb-register-cp]]

(if: $bbTotal > 20)["Hey dude man in charge," he says, "hate to tell ya, but you don't got enough monies to pay for this cache. Better go return some stuff!" [[Return to the main aisle|bb-aisle]]](else:)[(set: $bbChange to it - $bbTotal)(if: $bbChange < 5)[''YOU NOW HAVE A GEORGE WASHINGTON''](if: $bbChange < 10)[''YOU NOW HAVE A THOMAS JEFFERSON''](if: $bbChange >= 10)[''YOU NOW HAVE AN ALEXANDER HAMILTON''] You hand the clerk man your Andrew Jackson. [[You get your change and head out to the car|bb-leave]].]

You rap on the driver's side window. Ma predictably jumps at the unexpected noise. She rolls the window down, pumping her elbow. "Oh come on, honey," she says. "It's been a long day. We'll get Wendy's. Do you still like Wendy's?" Answer: A) [[Sure|bb-register-car]] B) [[Sort of|bb-register-car]]

Trev's inconsolable because he doesn't understand why he doesn't get to go into the store. No point trying to engage him. [[<=|bb-register-car]]

Being reprimanded in the slightest makes you very nervous. "Oh, I ... Uh. I'm sorry. I'll go back right now." The guy's got a cute if jowly face and a ton of greasy hair. "Okay, Mr. Guy. Then do me a favor and hold it down in there for a hot second? I need this like I need a hole in the head--and I have at least five holes in my head counting my ear holes, nostrils, and mouth, so you figure it out!" [[<=|bb-register-car]]

(if: $bbClerkTimerSwitch is true)[(set: $bbClerkTimer to it + 1)(if: $bbClerkTimer >= 8)[(set: $bbClerkPresent to true)]](set: $bbTimer to it - 1)(if: $bbTimer < 1)[(go-to: "bb-fail")](if: ($bbClerkTimer >= 8) and ($bbHasKey is true))[(go-to: "bb-adult-fail")]

{(for: each _item, ...$bbRental)[ (if: (_item's genre is "romcom") or (_item's genre is "gangster"))[ (set: $maHappy to true)] (else-if: (_item's title is "Groundhog's Day") or (_item's title is "Dumb and Dumber"))[ (set: $maHappy to true)] (else-if: (_item's title is "Chinatown") or (_item's title is "Home Alone"))[ (set: $maHappy to true)] (else-if: (_item's title is "Bowling for Columbine") or (_item's title is "Jazz"))[ (set: $maHappy to true)] (else:)[(set: $maHappy to false)]] (for: each _item, ...$bbRental)[ (if: ((_item's genre is "horror") or (_item's genre is "thriller")) or ((_item's genre is "comedy") or (_item's genre is "game")))[ (set: $broHappy to true)] (else-if: ((_item's title is "The Rock") or (_item's title is "Gangs of New York")) or ((_item's title is "The Matrix") or (_item's title is "survivor series '97")))[ (set: $broHappy to true)] (else-if: ((_item's title is "SummerSlam '97") or (_item's title is "Bowling for Columbine")) or ((_item's title is "Jazz") or (_item's title is "Home Alone")))[ (set: $broHappy to true)] (else:)[ (set: $broHappy to false)]]}(if: ($maHappy is true) and ($broHappy is true))[''YOU ARE NOW THE MAN OF THE HOUSE''(set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attManOfHouse)) ](if: $bbChange is > 10)[''YOU NOW HAVE THE VAGUEST SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "vaguest sense of accomplishment")) In this tribe, if there's one thing no one demands of the man of the house it's the ability to balance a checkbook. You followed Ma's instruction to spend less than ten dollars but she's not even gonna check.](else:)[In this tribe, if there's one thing no one demands of the man of the house it's the ability to balance a checkbook. You didn't follow Ma's instruction to spend less than ten dollars but she's not even gonna check.](if: (history:) contains "bib0")[ The more pressing issue is did you rent an evening's worth of entertainment from a transnational corporation with no affiliation or obligation to Newburgh (or anywhere else for that matter) that will adequately hypnotize the three of you for the evening with pixelated represenations of humans involved in urgent and/or delightful matters, interesting shapes and/or colors, nice sounds? The answer is (if: ($maHappy is true) and ($broHappy is true))[yes.](else-if: (($maHappy is true) and ($broHappy is false)))[no. Trev won't be happy with this selection.](else-if: (($maHappy is false)) and ($broHappy is true))[no. Ma won't be happy with this selection.](else:)[no. Neither of them are happy.] (display: "dayEnder")]

''YOU HAVE LOST YOUR ANDREW JACKSON'' (set: $inventory to it - (a: "andrew jackson")) Trev walks into Blockbuster. He's a cute, pudgy, highly disagreeable little freckled dude. He likes you though. "Hey, man. Mom's pissed, says you gotta come out the car now. We're just gonna get food and watch TV." (display: "dayEnder")

''YOU HAVE LOST YOUR ANDREW JACKSON'' (set: $inventory to it - (a: "andrew jackson")) The clerk's back from his smoke break, and you have the key to adult section in your hand. His eyes say that he admires your gumption; his mouth says that you have a lifetime ban at this Blockbuster. When you get the car you tell Ma that you couldn't find anything you guys would like. You know that she knows you're lying, which makes returning the money to her a pleasure. (display: "dayEnder")

''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite)) The twenty you gave Charlie was the last cash you had in your account, which means you'll be putting everything else on credit this week. That starts with tonight's trip to Wendy's. Charlie likes [[Wendy's|w wendy's]].{ (if: $bbRental contains "empty")[(set: $bbRental to it - it)(set: $bbRental to it + (a: $gtaViceCity))]}{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mWendys)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mWendys)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 8))}

Charlie orders whatever that promotion is they're running (swiss something? mushroom something?) with large fries and a frosty, and Baby Trev orders a small chicken nuggets, a junior bacon cheeseburger, and a small fry. "What are you having, Ma?" Charlie calls out from the back. You made him sit back there because Trev was being a brat till you asked him to switch places. What are you going to have? A) (link: "Feels like a double cheeseburger and fries night!")[(set: $maWendysOrder to "double cheeseburger")(go-to: "wmi-fry-sneak")] B) (link: "Not that hungry just a gd frosty")[(set: $maWendysOrder to "frosty")(go-to: "wmi-fry-sneak")] C) (link: "Chicken's healthy? You've heard chicken's healthy")[(set: $maWendysOrder to "grilled chicken")(go-to: "wmi-fry-sneak")] D) (link: "Do they do a fish thing?")[(set: $maWendysOrder to "spicy chicken")(go-to: "wmi-fry-sneak")] E) (link: "Whatever their salad thing is")[(set: $maWendysOrder to "salad")(go-to: "wmi-fry-sneak")]

The three of you agree to wait to eat till you get home, but then in the rear view you see Charlie munching on a couple fries. You [[let it go|wmi-pullout-couch]]; he's still your little angel.

You turn into the apartment complex, follow the loop to your assigned parking spot, and as soon as you turn off the Galant's lights and engine, the boys fly up the hundred cement stairs with the Wendy's and Blockbuster bags. The apartment door is locked of course, and you have the keys so they wait for you. (link: "...")[When you get inside, they immediately run up the apartment's steps and pull out the couch. (if: $bbRental's 1st's genre is "game")[You tell them they can play their game after you watch some TV together. You put on E! Hollywood News. The three of you find spots on the pullout couch and begin eating.](else:)[Charlie pops (upperfirst: $bbRental's 1st's title) into the DVD player and the three of you settle into your food.] (if: $maWendysOrder is "double cheeseburger")[Whatever it was that possessed you to order two beef patties leaves as soon as you bite into the thing. The fries are good.](if: $maWendysOrder is "frosty")[The first spoon of the extra large frosty is a bit of heaven. Soon after, though, the reality of the pound of dairy in front of you sets in, and you offer the treat to Trev.](if: $maWendysOrder is "grilled chicken")[If the grilled chicken sandwich is a healthy alternative you'd rather die young. After your first bite of the plastic-tasting conglomerate of fibers you make a meal of the fries.](if: $maWendysOrder is "spicy chicken")[They did not have a fish thing, so you asked for the most popular chicken sandwich. They gave you the spicy chicken, which is not what you would have picked because you don't eat spicy food. The fries are good enough.](if: $maWendysOrder is "salad")[The salad isn't as bad as you expected. You eat it, and feel good about your choices.] You try to pay attention to the stories on the screen, but your [[head space is jealous|wmi-head-space]] for your audience.]

Your sister's still in Connecticut with her fat-headed son and the pea-feeling princess (link: "...")[ has to be the worst man you've ever known. He ... the litany of his misdoings follows ... perhaps a few genuine crimes ... worth rehashing (link-reveal: "...")[ Maybe you're a Native American. You need to take the boys to a history Up by Howe Cavern there's the Iroquois, then Gettysburg, Williamsburg, all of it! You're pretty tired though (link: "...")[ "Maaa? I'm still hungry." [[w snack]] Turns out Charlie didn't like the promotion and he isn't eating it. Charlie is becoming a brat. Needs a smack. Snack. Real man. Do something: A) [[Tell the boy he's in danger of being like his father|wmi-father]] {B) (link: "Tell the boy to make himself cereal")[(set: $secondMeal to "cereal") (goto: "w snack")](print: ("\n")) C) (link: "Get up and make some eggs")[(set: $secondMeal to "eggs") (goto: "w snack")]}]]]

"Charlie, do you want to be like your dad, honey? No, right?" His eyes go blank and he starts blinking like a horse with his big lashes. So attractive. Gonna be a real heartbreaker, Charlie. Do something: A) [[Tell Charlie how a woman should be treated|wmi-woman]] B) [[Remind Charlie not to stare into space|wmi-blank-stare]]

You need to make your boys feel special. (if: $secondMeal is "cereal")[You stop mid–milk pour.](if: $secondMeal is "eggs")[You stop mid–egg crack.](if: (history:) contains "wmi-father")[You stop pouring the water in the measuring cup.] (set: $maSpiral to (a:))(set: $maTrip to (a: "t")) Something must be done: A) (link: "Call their father")[(set: $maSpiral to it + (a: "call dad")) (goto: "wmi-plans")] B) (link: "Plan a trip")[(set: $maSpiral to it + (a: "make plans")) (goto: "wmi-plans")]

The living room, bathroom, kitchen, boys' room, and your room are attached to the same hallway. (set: $maTrip to (a:)) You're in your room before you're thinking about it. (if: $maSpiral contains "call dad")[You don't even bother to turn the lights on. ring ring ring of course he probably has caller id--saw you, ignored his responsibilities. (link: "...")[The phone rings. Do something: A) [[Pick it up|wmi-plans-phone]] B) (link: "On second thought, make plans")[(set: $maChangedMind to true) (set: $maSpiral to it - (a: "call dad")) (set: $maSpiral to it + (a: "make plans"))(goto: "wmi-plans")]]](if: $maSpiral contains "make plans")[You don't turn the lights on in your room, but you flip on the iMac and connect to AOL. Oof that's bright. The dial up takes forever. You need your boys to feel special. Boys their age feel special by having fun. Book them a trip to: A) (if: $maTrip contains "g" is false)[(link: "Gettysburg")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "g"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Gettysburg] B) (if: $maTrip contains "w" is false)[(link: "Williamsburg")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "w"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Williamsburg] C) (if: $maTrip contains "d" is false)[(link: "Disney")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "d"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Disney] D) (link: "Las Vegas")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "lv"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-made")] E) (if: $maTrip contains "ac" is false)[(link: "Atlantic City")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "ac"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Atlantic City]]

Their father can be a tough talk. You quickly form a plan of action: A) [[Start with small talk|wmi-phone-A]] B) [[Explain situation|wmi-phone-B]] C) [[Go for kill|wmi-phone-C]]

(if: (history:)'s last is "wmi-phone-BB")[Book a trip to: A) (if: $maTrip contains "g" is false)[(link: "Gettysburg")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "g"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Gettysburg] B) (if: $maTrip contains "w" is false)[(link: "Williamsburg")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "w"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Williamsburg] C) (if: $maTrip contains "d" is false)[(link: "Disney")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "d"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Disney] D) (link: "Las Vegas")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "lv"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-made")] E) (if: $maTrip contains "ac" is false)[(link: "Atlantic City")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "ac"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")](else:)[Atlantic City]]](else:)[(if: $maChangedMind is true)[You still don't turn the lights on in your room, but you flip on the iMac and connect to AOL. (set: $maChangedMind to false) Oof that's bright. The dial up takes forever. [[wmi-plans-made]] You need your boys to feel special. Boys their age feel special by having fun.](else:)[(if: $maTrip's last is "g")[Eh. You could go to Gettysburg, but is it fun?](if: $maTrip's last is "w")[Do you think the boys //really// want to do another historical trip?](if: $maTrip's last is "d")[They're probably getting a little old for Disney.](if: $maTrip's last is "ac")[Atlantic City?? In winter?!] Book them a trip to: A) (if: $maTrip contains "g" is false)[(link: "Gettysburg")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "g"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Gettysburg] B) (if: $maTrip contains "w" is false)[(link: "Williamsburg")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "w"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Williamsburg] C) (if: $maTrip contains "d" is false)[(link: "Disney")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "d"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Disney] D) (link: "Las Vegas")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "lv"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-made")] E) (if: $maTrip contains "ac" is false)[(link: "Atlantic City")[(set: $maTrip to it + (a: "ac"))(go-to: "wmi-plans-make")]](else:)[Atlantic City]]]

"Hi, Charlie," you start. "How are you?" "Not well. I have a succubus of an ex-wife, you see, who has taken everything good in my life away from me. "As if that weren't enough, she finds it appropriate to call me after dark on weekend nights no doubt asking for more." Do you: A) [[Remind him that you don't need more than the court appointed child support|wmi-phone-BA]] B) [[Give him a figure smaller than the court appointed child support that will help you pay for the trip|wmi-phone-BB]] C) [[Verbally remove his spleen|wmi-phone-C]]

"Hi, Charlie. Thanks for calling me back. I'm so worried about the boys, you know. "They're growing up in a situation now that I never wanted for them, //we// never wanted for them, I know you still care about them, Charlie, and I'm scared for them. "I want them to know how special they are. If you could give me the child support I could at least plan a trip for them this summer(link-reveal: "--")[ Their father cuts you off. "Trip? Why can't you manage a trip on your own, Linda? "I can say on my end I'm taking the boys to Boston in July, for example ..." Do something: A) [[Remind him that you don't need more than the court appointed child support|wmi-phone-BA]] B) [[Give him a figure smaller than the court appointed child support that will help you pay for the trip|wmi-phone-BB]]]

''YOU ARE NOW NUMB'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attNumb)) "Listen, you fucking scumbag. "It's not like I'm hitting you up for cash here; you had two kids with me, you lazy piece of shit. "Then you shit on me and in our bed for seven years and slept in that bed everyday when you should have been out working! "Give me the fucking money you owe me, Charlie, or I'm getting the lawyers involved again!" (link: "...")[It's quiet on the other end for a moment. (link: "...")[ "Linda ..." Oh no. He's speaking quietly, slowly. You've boxed him into the //I'm the only rational person in the room// act. It actually drives you mad. You go totally numb and can't hear what he says for the rest of the conversation. (display: "dayEnder")]]

Las Vegas! It's a little pricier than the others--not including Disney, of course--but hot dog! You show them around the nicer sides of those great big casinos? Maybe catch a magic show? Maybe a buffet? The boys'll be shining like the gol dang first family! [[The phone's ringing|w phone ringing]].

You pick it up. "Hello?" "Hi, Linda, it's Charlie. You know, the boys' father? (link: "...")["That's okay, I thought you might've forgotten given you're a dirty cunt bitch and a whore. (link: "...")["I made my peace with all that a long time ago. (link: "...")["Anywho. (link: "...")["Listen, okay? (link: "...")["When you drag my boys into it? (link: "...")["Did you know that Charlie told me you all are going to be visiting //Sin City// on Valentine's Day? (link: "...")["Those were his EXACT WORDS, Linda. //Sin//. //City//. (link: "...")["Do you have any idea what that's like for a father, Linda? (link: "...")["Do you have any idea what that makes me want to do to you?" (link: "...")[ [[Flight 1104]]]]]]]]]]]]

(set: $maConvo to "child support")Shit. You forgot: All roads from Child Support are dead ends. You try to recover, but he drops you into a maze of a nonsensical diatribes about fairness and duty and marriage and loyalty and wellness and heros and WWII and property taxes and the Lord and respect and courage and faith. (display: "dayEnder")

(set: $maConvo to "smaller figure")He still pushes back for a few minutes, but eventually you agree that he'll mail you a check for four hundred to go toward an educational trip. When he hangs up, you feel confused, defeated. He probably won't be sending a check. [[Time to book a trip|wmi-plans-make]].

''//NUMB//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 0 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Vegas. Yay. (display: "dayEnder")

You are a very particular black dude in America, and you're walking through Cesaer's Palace with a judicious committee of knee breakers at your side and front and rear. You have an appointment with a billion dollars and you're [[ahead of schedule|j vision]].{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mJigga)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mJigga)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 9))}

''YOU ARE NOW THE GOLDEN GOOSE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attGoldenGoose)) Your competitors and most of your allies think they're outlaws, getting theirs no matter the cost. (link: "...")[And they're only half wrong ... but it's the [[bigger half|j-big-half]] that they're missing.]

As you're making your way through the casino, a middle-aged white lady calls out "Mr. Jay-Z, Mr. Jay-Z, will you take a picture with my boys?" She's twitchy and beaming. Do you want to: A) [[Stop and get a picture with her kids|j11]] B) [[Wave her away|j12]]

The sons are funny-looking kids, not unlike a lot of the white boys you're meeting since "Hard Knock Life." They both wear loud, oversized short-sleeve button ups, the kinds you get on Canal or 125th, and they're working on their no-emotions faces. (link: "...")[Are they mirroring ... you? They line up beside you; you put your arms around both of them. (link: "...")[The mother can't get her disposable camera to work. Do you want to help her with it? A) [[Yes|j11-A]] B) [[No|j11-B]]]]

(color: "#FF1493")[[[Dame|j12-dame]]]'s in the suite when you get back. He's on the phone, shouting at somebody like always, a tendency of his that was much more valuable when Roc-A-Fella operated out of the proverbial basement of the music industry and you'd needed to scare the chitlin circuit's gatekeepers into spins. That's admittedly not the sum total of his abilities; he works tirelessly, can be creative with promotional strategies, and has an eye for talent. He manages the in-house cadre of producers, for example. But the cost-benefit of keeping this wild motherfucker on is starting to tilt in the wrong direction. [[He gets off the phone|j12-A]].

(set: $jayHelps to true)You ask the mother if you can see the disposable camera. She hands it to you. She'd forgotten to wind the tape. As you turn the plastic gear on the top left, you remind her to hold the flash button until the little light comes on. They get the picture; they're beaming like the first family. You [[keep it moving|j-op]].

(set: $jayHelps to false)Her older son disdainfully helps her with the camera. The three of you stand there. They get the picture, you all [[keep it moving|j-op]].

From a 2004 MTV News article chronicling the story of Roc-a-Fella Records: After renewing their Def Jam contracts for a reported 20 million-- a whole 19.5 million increase on their original 1997 deal-- Dame’s remarks to MTV inferred that he couldn’t envision a life without Roc-A-Fella: “All that is paperwork. We'll never break up," he insisted. "It's Roc-A-Fella for life. I would never pass the torch or leave any of my artists. "I look at them like my family, almost like my children. "I would never leave them with anybody else. Who else could run Roc-A-Fella but me?” [[<=|j12]]

"What's going on?" you ask. He goes on for minutes circling around the answer, which is basically that he wants to sign Cam'ron. If that works, maybe the whole Diplomats, which would make Roc-A-Fella-- the label you and him and Biggs started on your own not ten years ago-- "the center of rap on planet fucking earth," in his words. "FUCK Def Jam, bro. FUCK Def Jam. Fuck Lyor and fuck everybody else over there, man." Def Jam is your parent label. A) (link: "Encourage him")[(set: $dameEncouraged to true)(goto: "J12-AA")] B) (link: "Discourage him")[(set: $dameEncouraged to false)(goto: "J12-AA")]

(set: $jOPCounter to it + 1)(if: $jOPCounter is 1)[''YOU NOW HAVE A FAN FOR LIFE'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "fan for life")) You made a fan forever: the mother. (link: "...")[Almost twenty years later, the older of the two boys writes the following review of //4:44// for //The Village Void//: (link: "...")[Oh, Jay-z. Or should I say OJay-z ... //4:44//, Jay's latest, should ultimately be remembered as the single most conspicuous unity of corporate sponsorship and pro-Black politics popular culture has yet produced. The contradictions latent in this political odd couple are most visible in the Grammy-nominated, NO ID–produced "The Story of OJ." Jay begins the song: (link: "...")["OJ like: '(color: "#FF1493")[[[I'm not black, I'm OJ|j2-OJ-quote]]]' / OKAY." If the sarcasm isn't coming through in text, Jay's got us covered. The proceeding line continues: "House Nope, don't fuck with me. / I'm a field Nope / with shined cutlery." (link: "...")[For Jay, OJ's proclamation of his exemption from the category of race is evidence of a betrayal. More specifically, OJ is a traitor of the Black American variety, a house slave, a spineless and crafty sort who's colluded with white masters at the expense of his fellow enslaved. By contrast, Jay himself is a rougher, truer type, one unwilling to soften his hands with self-delusion. He'd //rather// work the field. (link: "...")[But how should we view Jay's critique of OJ if we step back and take these comments alongside the industrial situation that has birthed //4:44//? (link: "...")[I'm specifically referring to Jay's pre-release sale of exactly one million digital units of the album to the Sprint Corporation, a Kansas-based phone service provider that is about as far from a Black-owned business as Jay is from Pluto. (link: "...")[This, of course, is not Hov's first brush with corporate sponsorship, either. Much to contrary, at Jay's own word he "is not a business man--he's a business, man!" Jay takes this ethos even further later in 'The Story of OJ': "You ever wonder how Jewish people own all the property in America? This how they did it: Financial freedom our only hope / Fuck living rich and dying broke." (link: "...")[The question then is not whether Jay-Z has himself committed some kind of race betrayal; he clearly considers his Sprint move part of larger liberatory practice. But might it also be noted that Jay's wildly innaccurate and deeply troubling (if not forthrightly anti-semitic) portrayal of Jewish people is tinged with perverse notes of admiration? (link: "...")[Is his suggestion that Black folks should look to Jews for guidance? One community of former slaves, a diaspora, following in the other's stereotyped footsteps? (link: "...")[But if we add 1 (corporate sponsorship) and 1 (pro-black posturing) here, what is 2? (link: "...")[Is it not something like Blackness as big business? A counter might argue that Jay's Sprintly patronage is simply what //permits// his controversial agenda--that Jay safeguards his enormous platform, and its newly-realized revolutionary stance, by guaranteeing //4:44// Platinum sales status. But then another question arises (link-reveal: "...")[ Why does this messaging //need// underwriters? Or, more to point: //Does// it need underwriters? (link: "...")[And the answer is certainly no. Every American aware of their history should be pro-Black; if they can't stomach philosophical engagement with the liberation of Black folks, the problem is their stomachs. We should also concede that //4:44//'s soundscape is more minimal, more lo-fi than is typical for the rapper; perhaps all of this speculation is totally erroneous, and his hedge with Sprint was simply an attempt to protect himself from being confused with any other rapper in the world. (link-reveal: "But if there has been a betrayal")[, at the macro level, it is of America's poor. For there is no reaching or investigation needs doing to pinpoint Jay's only message that his artistic practice leaves consistent both explicitly and implicitly: "Financial freedom our only hope." No: freedom is the hope, and freedom from the tyrany of global finance should be a top priority. (link-reveal: "But even this says little of the betrayal")[ Jay has committed against OJ. For if we assume that OJ's race-denying proclamation was a shame-borne attempt to assert himself as exceptional, and to thereby further ingratiate himself with capital, Jay's rebuke of OJ is shamelessly identically motivated. And, in conclusion, can we not then assert that, in the parlance of the ongoing Civil War Nouveau, that Jay is himself ... a Dreamer? (link: "...")[[[The article goes viral|j2-viral]] ...]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]](else-if: $jOPCounter is 2)[Almost twenty years later, the older of the two boys writes the following review of //4:44// for //The Village Void//: Oh, Jay-z. Or should I say OJay-z ... //4:44//, Jay's latest, should ultimately be remembered as the single most conspicuous unity of corporate sponsorship and pro-Black politics popular culture has yet produced. The contradictions latent in this political odd couple are most visible in the Grammy-nominated, NO ID–produced "The Story of OJ." Jay begins the song: "OJ like: '(color: "#FF1493")[[[I'm not black, I'm OJ|j2-OJ-quote]]]' / OKAY." If the sarcasm isn't coming through in text, Jay's got us covered. The proceeding line continues: "House Nope, don't fuck with me. / I'm a field Nope / with shined cutlery." (link: "...")[For Jay, OJ's proclamation of his exemption from the category of race is evidence of a betrayal. More specifically, OJ is a traitor of the Black American variety, a house slave, a spineless and crafty sort who's colluded with white masters at the expense of his fellow enslaved. By contrast, Jay himself is a rougher, truer type, one unwilling to soften his hands with self-delusion. He'd //rather// work the field. (link: "...")[But how should we view Jay's critique of OJ if we step back and take these comments alongside the industrial situation that has birthed //4:44//? (link: "...")[I'm specifically referring to Jay's pre-release sale of exactly one million digital units of the album to the Sprint Corporation, a Kansas-based phone service provider that is about as far from a Black-owned business as Jay is from Pluto. (link: "...")[This, of course, is not Hov's first brush with corporate sponsorship, either. Much to contrary, at Jay's own word he "is not a business man--he's a business, man!" Jay takes this ethos even further later in 'The Story of OJ': "You ever wonder how Jewish people own all the property in America? This how they did it: Financial freedom our only hope / Fuck living rich and dying broke." (link: "...")[The question then is not whether Jay-Z has himself committed some kind of race betrayal; he clearly considers his Sprint move part of larger liberatory practice. But might it also be noted that Jay's wildly innaccurate and deeply troubling (if not forthrightly anti-semitic) portrayal of Jewish people is tinged with perverse notes of admiration? (link: "...")[Is his suggestion that Black folks should look to Jews for guidance? One community of former slaves, a diaspora, following in the other's stereotyped footsteps? (link: "...")[But if we add 1 (corporate sponsorship) and 1 (pro-black posturing) here, what is 2? (link: "...")[Is it not something like Blackness as big business? A counter might argue that Jay's Sprintly patronage is simply what //permits// his controversial agenda--that Jay safeguards his enormous platform, and its newly-realized revolutionary stance, by guaranteeing //4:44// Platinum sales status. But then another question arises (link-reveal: "...")[ Why does this messaging //need// underwriters? Or, more to point: //Does// it need underwriters? (link: "...")[And the answer is certainly no. Every American aware of their history should be pro-Black; if they can't stomach philosophical engagement with the liberation of Black folks, the problem is their stomachs. We should also concede that //4:44//'s soundscape is more minimal, more lo-fi than is typical for the rapper; perhaps all of this speculation is totally erroneous, and his hedge with Sprint was simply an attempt to protect himself from being confused with any other rapper in the world. (link-reveal: "But if there has been a betrayal")[, at the macro level, it is of America's poor. For there is no reaching or investigation needs doing to pinpoint Jay's only message that his artistic practice leaves consistent both explicitly and implicitly: "Financial freedom our only hope." No: freedom is the hope, and freedom from the tyrany of global finance should be a top priority. (link-reveal: "But even this says little of the betrayal")[ Jay has committed against OJ. For if we assume that OJ's race-denying proclamation was a shame-borne attempt to assert himself as exceptional, and to thereby further ingratiate himself with capital, Jay's rebuke of OJ is shamelessly identically motivated. And, in conclusion, can we not then assert that, in the parlance of the ongoing Civil War Nouveau, that Jay is himself ... a Dreamer? (link: "...")[[[The article goes viral|j2-viral]] ...]]]]]]]]]]]]]](else:)[Almost twenty years later, the older of the two boys writes the following review of //4:44// for //The Village Void//: Oh, Jay-z. Or should I say OJay-z ... //4:44//, Jay's latest, should ultimately be remembered as the single most conspicuous unity of corporate sponsorship and pro-Black politics popular culture has yet produced. The contradictions latent in this political odd couple are most visible in the Grammy-nominated, NO ID–produced "The Story of OJ." Jay begins the song: "OJ like: '(color: "#FF1493")[[[I'm not black, I'm OJ|j2-OJ-quote]]]' / OKAY." If the sarcasm isn't coming through in text, Jay's got us covered. The proceeding line continues: "House Nope, don't fuck with me. / I'm a field Nope / with shined cutlery." For Jay, OJ's proclamation of his exemption from the category of race is evidence of a betrayal. More specifically, OJ is a traitor of the Black American variety, a house slave, a spineless and crafty sort who's colluded with white masters at the expense of his fellow enslaved. By contrast, Jay himself is a rougher, truer type, one unwilling to soften his hands with self-delusion. He'd //rather// work the field. But how should we view Jay's critique of OJ if we step back and take these comments alongside the industrial situation that has birthed //4:44//? I'm specifically referring to Jay's pre-release sale of exactly one million digital units of the album to the Sprint Corporation, a Kansas-based phone service provider that is about as far from a Black-owned business as Jay is from Pluto. This, of course, is not Hov's first brush with corporate sponsorship, either. Much to contrary, at Jay's own word he "is not a business man--he's a business, man!" Jay takes this ethos even further later in 'The Story of OJ': "You ever wonder how Jewish people own all the property in America? This how they did it: Financial freedom our only hope / Fuck living rich and dying broke." The question then is not whether Jay-Z has himself committed some kind of race betrayal; he clearly considers his Sprint move part of larger liberatory practice. But might it also be noted that Jay's wildly innaccurate and deeply troubling (if not forthrightly anti-semitic) portrayal of Jewish people is tinged with perverse notes of admiration? Is his suggestion that Black folks should look to Jews for guidance? One community of former slaves, a diaspora, following in the other's stereotyped footsteps? But if we add 1 (corporate sponsorship) and 1 (pro-black posturing) here, what is 2? Is it not something like Blackness as big business? A counter might argue that Jay's Sprintly patronage is simply what //permits// his controversial agenda--that Jay safeguards his enormous platform, and its newly-realized revolutionary stance, by guaranteeing //4:44// Platinum sales status. But then another question arises ... Why does this messaging //need// underwriters? Or, more to point: //Does// it need underwriters? And the answer is certainly no. Every American aware of their history should be pro-Black; if they can't stomach philosophical engagement with the liberation of Black folks, the problem is their stomachs. We should also concede that //4:44//'s soundscape is more minimal, more lo-fi than is typical for the rapper; perhaps all of this speculation is totally erroneous, and his hedge with Sprint was simply an attempt to protect himself from being confused with any other rapper in the world. But if there has been a betrayal, at the macro level, it is of America's poor. For there is no reaching or investigation needs doing to pinpoint Jay's only message that his artistic practice leaves consistent both explicitly and implicitly: "Financial freedom our only hope." No: freedom is the hope, and freedom from the tyrany of global finance should be a top priority. But even this says little of the betrayal Jay has committed against OJ. For if we assume that OJ's race-denying proclamation was a shame-borne attempt to assert himself as exceptional, and to thereby further ingratiate himself with capital, Jay's rebuke of OJ is shamelessly identically motivated. And, in conclusion, can we not then assert that, in the parlance of the ongoing Civil War Nouveau, that Jay is himself ... a Dreamer? (link: "...")[[[The article goes viral|j2-viral]] ...]]

Dame's ego depends on a fantasy about Harlem hustlers, a real romantic delusion-- great energy to fuel a movement-- but once he gets an idea in his head there's no talking to him. (if: $dameEncouraged is true)[Might as well watch his game play out.](else:)[Doesn't mean you can't try to point out that Def Jam is the Roc's water supply.] (if: $dameEncouraged is true)[Sure enough, six](else:)[He doesn't listen. Why would he listen? Sure enough, six] months later, Cam's first album on Roc-A-Fella records goes platinum, and two months after that your weekly visits to the Roc building are marked by frequent run-ins with his fucking loudmouth friends. (link: "...")[You keep your distance from the Harlem crew; blinks and nods suffice for greetings and goodbyes. Within a year, Lyor Cohen, the president of Def Jam, [[approaches you with an offer|j12-AA-lyor]].]

(set: $jCounter to it + 1)(if: $jCounter is 1)["Jay, listen," Lyor says. "Def Jam owns half of Roc-A-Fella records, and you guys are great. Wouldn't change a thing. "Except for Dame. I know you guys came up together, but he has to go. The guy's a clown. A volitile clown, and he isn't funny. (link: "...")["I bring it up now because ... I'm leaving. Warner Brothers has made me an offer, and before I go I have to be able to look the Board in the eye and tell them their money is in good hands. "So here's what we want to do. (link: "...")["First, we're going to offer you and Dame and Biggs thirty million for your fifty percent of Roc-A-Fella. "That's ten million more than the Roc's 2004 valuation, and will allow you three to split the pot cleanly. (link: "...")["It'll also allow Def Jam to fully divest from the Dame Dash business while simultaneously doubling-down in the Roc-A-Fella business, which we still believe is the best brand in rap. "Then, and here's the part that'll explain why I'm talking to you about it ... (link: "...")["Def Jam would like to offer you the positions of both President and CEO. "Def Jam will own Roc-A-Fella outright, but Jay-Z will be running Def Jam. "What do you think?" Ask some clarifying questions: A) "[[Does this mean that Def Jam will own Roc-A-Fella's music|j12-AA-i-q1]]?" B) "[[What will happen to the stable of artists on Roc-A-Fella|j12-AA-i-q2]]?" C) "[[What happens if I say no|j12-AA-i-q3]]?" [[=>|j12-AA-i0]]]]]]](else:)[(set: $jCounter to it + 1)(if: $jCounter > 1)["Jay, listen," Lyor says. "Def Jam owns half of Roc-A-Fella records, and you guys are great. Wouldn't change a thing. "Except for Dame. I know you guys came up together, but he has to go. The guy's a clown. A volitile clown, and he isn't funny. "I bring it up now because ... I'm leaving. Warner Brothers has made me an offer, and before I go I have to be able to look the Board in the eye and tell them their money is in good hands. "So here's what we want to do. "First, we're going to offer you and Dame and Biggs thirty million for your fifty percent of Roc-A-Fella. "That's ten million more than the Roc's 2004 valuation, and will allow you three to split the pot cleanly. "It'll also allow Def Jam to fully divest from the Dame Dash business while simultaneously doubling-down in the Roc-A-Fella business, which we still believe is the best brand in rap. "Then, and here's the part that'll explain why I'm talking to you about it ... "Def Jam would like to offer you the positions of both President and CEO. "Def Jam will own Roc-A-Fella outright, but Jay-Z will be running Def Jam. "What do you think?" Ask some clarifying questions: A) "[[Does this mean that Def Jam will own Roc-A-Fella's music|j12-AA-i-q1]]?" B) "[[What will happen to the stable of artists on Roc-A-Fella|j12-AA-i-q2]]?" C) "[[What happens if I say no|j12-AA-i-q3]]?" [[=>|j12-AA-i0]]]]

"Does this mean that Def Jam will own Roc-A-Fella's music?" "Yes," he says. "With the one notable exception." He's referring to //Reasonable Doubt//, your 1996 debut project. It's an album you've referred to publicly as the project you "spent your whole life making" and "the one that almost didn't happen." [[<=|j12-AA-lyor]]

"What will happen to the stable of artists on Roc-A-Fella?." "If you and I come to an agreement now, whatever you want will happen. They'd be //your// artists, Jay. But that would go for Def Jam artists too. "We trust //your// vision. That's why you're getting this offer. (link: "...")["Hey, Jay. "Mr. Sean Carter. "Do I have to tell you that if you take this you'll be the first artist/executive Def Jam proper has ever had? "That right now, with this offer, you have a chance to become the most important force in the most important music in the world?" [[<=|j12-AA-lyor]]]

"What happens if I say no?" you ask. "Given the circumstances, we'll look for a buyer for our fifty percent of Roc-A-Fella. "I can't say I know who that buyer will be ... but I do know it won't be Warner Brothers." [[<=|j12-AA-lyor]]

Lyor's face tilts in expectation. Give him an answer: A) (link: "Say Yes")[(set: $ownsMasters to false)(goto: "j blocker")] B) (link: "Say Yes under the condition that you personally be given the masters to all of your records")[(set: $ownsMasters to true)(goto: "j blocker")] C) (link: "Say No")[(set: $ownsMasters to "null") (goto: "j blocker")]

(if: $ownsMasters is true)[''YOU ARE NOW THE MIKE JORDAN OF THE MIC RECORDING'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attMikeJordan))](else:)[''YOU ARE NOW TRACY MCGRADY OR KOBE MAYBE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attTracyKobe))] (link: "...")[Not long after this conversation you tell Dame and the rest of the world that you are planning on retiring from music. (link: "...")[In the wake of this announcement, Dame spends the proceeding month in an ever-intensifying scramble to bring more artists to Roc-A-Fella. (link: "...")[He never learned that less can be more; the net effect of his several slipshod moves creates an aura of chaos around him. (link: "...")[The day after your promotion is announced at a meeting he is not invited to attend, an intern captures, and later sells, video footage of one of his trademark temper tantrums. (link: "...")[Later, at the dinner in which you and Biggs explain the situation to him, he all but begs you not to keep the Roc-A-Fella name. (link: "...")["We made this together, Jay. You can't do this." (link: "...")[He adds: "And anyway I own a third of //Reasonable Doubt//, Jay, you ever think of that?" (link: "...")[You don't remind him that the Roc owned that album--and he no longer has a single stake in the company you now control. (link: "...")[As far as you're concerned, you already warned him: "Old blue eyes, my Nope: I did it my way." (link: "...")[(display: "dayEnder")]]]]]]]]]]

''YOU AIN'T NO ATHLETE YOU SHAWN BRADLEY'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attShawnBradley)) (link: "...")[Having told Lyor no, he shops Def Jam's fifty percent around and eventually finds a buyer with SONY. (link: "...")[You are their first official rap imprint. (link: "...")[Early on they reveal plans to pair you with Will Smith, The Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears. (link: "...")[Dame is brought up on assault charges within the month. (link: "...")[You do not own your own publishing, your creative momentum dissolves in a vat of frustrated ambitions, Beyoncé marries Burt Bacharach in a cabbage patch. (link: "...")[After that, your rap habit begins to lag a tad. In fact, you add during an interview with Vlad: It was all a cash grab. (link: "...")[(display: "dayEnder")]]]]]]]

''//SHAWN BRADLEY//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//MIKE JORDAN OF THE MIC RECORDING//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Talking to Krueger directly would do what. So instead you check out Davis's bed. (link: "...")[It's missing. So is her footlocker. Not like the sheets and the bed and her stuff, but all of it. The beds to the right and left of hers are still there, but Davis is gone. Nothing, empty, deleted. "It's as if you [[dreamed|mc krueger]] her up," GSG Krueger says.]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

''//TRACY MCGRADY OR KOBE MAYBE//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

I'm not black I'm OJ. How truly American is OJ's proclamation. I am not a socially constructed category made real through violence physical and non-, a category made up by a bunch of sociopaths driven soley by one of the most destructive forces the world has ever known, the profit motive, I'm the nickname bestowed on me for my massive professional accomplishments. I'm a vision of my own success. This transcends normative arrangements, right? [[<=|j-op]]

Sike. The audience for the article could fit through the eye of a pinhole. Moreover, at the //Void//, any demonstration of sincerity is a fireable offense. The boy's canned faster than synthetic crab meat. (display: "dayEnder")

''YOU ARE NOW THE GOLDEN GOOSE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attGoldenGoose)) You are what the documentary calls a blackfish. One of the most intelligent forms of life in the history of the known universe. In the wild, you swam with your mother and your father and your sister and your orphaned cousin. Your coloring was both yin and yang, and your dorsal fin was a knife that cut left from right. Now, though, you've taken on a gray hue, and your fin flags. Night. Do you: A) (link: "Try to jump the tank's wall")[(set: $orcaRevolutionary to true)(go-to: "o1")] B) (link: "Try to get a good night's sleep")[(set: $orcaRevolutionary to false)(go-to: "o1")]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mBlackfish)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mBlackfish)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 10))}

(if: $orcaRevolutionary is true)[Yeah right. Like they would let you swim in the show tank unsupervised. No, during night hours they herd you and that mope Harold into the roofed hell of the sleeping quarters. ]You do your best to nod off in the claustrophobic tank. If (if: $orcaRevolutionary is false)[that mope] Harold snores a spurt spouts. And oh but yes you do [[dream|o11]].

You dream that you're a boulder-headed sperm whale, an albino, with a great white rectangle of a skull filled with precious oil. A group of humans, global in origin, but predominately American, in a ship named after an American Indian tribe has been hunting you mercilessly for what feels like years: Even now, as you recall the Pequod, it slips between you and the moon. Do you: A) (link: "Stave a hole in the stern")[(set: $orcaRevolutionary1 to true)(go-to: "o11-A")] B) (link: "Try to get a good night's sleep")[(set: $orcaRevolutionary1 to false)(go-to: "o11-A")]

(if: $orcaRevolutionary1 is true)[Not even in your dreams are you able to play the leviathan: ]You have forgotten how to swim. Your [[dream eyes also close|o11-AA]].

You've become aware of a puppet inside of you. A puppet who in moments will rescue his maker on the way to becoming a real boy. Because that is the decision he has made for his story. (link: "...")[You can feel him in there, [[setting a fire|b awake]].]

The next afternoon, a crowd of eight hundred, many of them human children, have gathered from all corners of the earth to watch you balance a ball on your rostrum. The trainer, a smiley, goofy, booth-tanned guy in a bodysuit with a waterproof quaff, flaps a mackeral at you. Do you: A) (if: ($orcaRevolutionary is true) and ($orcaRevolutionary1 is true))[(link: "Kill him")[(set: $oResult to 1)(go-to: "o-result")]](else:)[~~Kill him~~] B) (if: ($orcaRevolutionary is true) or ($orcaRevolutionary1 is true))[(link: "Maim him")[(set: $oResult to 2)(go-to: "o-result")]](else:)[~~Maim him~~] C) [[Balance the ball on your rostrum|o-result]]

(if: $oResult is 1)[''YOU ARE NOW UNDEAD'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attUndead)) You wonder what a real boy tastes like. He sticks out his arm like a hitchhiker. "Hey, buddy, need a lift?" You can't hear the crowd; they're confused anyway. They send 4,000 volts of electricity into the tank. Harold dies too. (display: "dayEnder")](else-if: $oResult is 2)[''YOU ARE NOW INSTITUTIONALIZED'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attInstitutionalized)) They get your soul, you get his hand; seems like you're being generous if anything, right? He sticks out a snack. You take two. (link: "...")[ The higher-ups mistake your malice for incompetence. They bring in documentarians from the film production studio //The Village Void// to film your release into the wild. You'd lived in that tank with Harold for thirteen years. Alas, now, in the ocean, you are a fish out of water. (display: "dayEnder")] ](else:)[''YOU ARE NOW A SURVIVOR'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attSurvivor)) You take the fucking mackeral and balance the fucking ball. The goofy asks if you want another mackeral. You nod your rostrum. In your big finale you do a flop. Flip. (display: "dayEnder")]

''//INSTITUTIONALIZED//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Please select ''one'' of the five answers from each of the following five statements. If you select more than one answer, only your final selection will be recorded. (if: (history:) contains "w2")[''You must select exactly one option from each category to proceed.''] (set: $pcImportant to "empty")1. It's most important to me that I am: A) (link-reveal: "Smart")[(set: $pcImportant to "smart")] B) (link-reveal: "Competent")[(set: $pcImportant to "competent")] C) (link-reveal: "Unique")[(set: $pcImportant to "unique")] D) (link-reveal: "Funny")[(set: $pcImportant to "funny")] E) (link-reveal: "Loving")[(set: $pcImportant to "loving")] (set: $pcValue to "empty")2. My values dictate that I first and foremost prioritize: A) (link-reveal: "Money")[(set: $pcValue to "money")] B) (link-reveal: "Family")[(set: $pcValue to "family")] C) (link-reveal: "Self-expression")[(set: $pcValue to "self-expression")] D) (link-reveal: "Higher Power(s)")[(set: $pcValue to "higher power(s)")] E) (link-reveal: "Community")[(set: $pcValue to "community")] (set: $pcJob to "empty")4. My wildest dream job is: A) (link-reveal: "President of the United States")[(set: $pcJob to "president")] B) (link-reveal: "CEO of a Fortune 500 Company")[(set: $pcJob to "ceo")] C) (link-reveal: "Nobel Laureate")[(set: $pcJob to "nl")] D) (link-reveal: "Celebrity")[(set: $pcJob to "celebrity")] E) (link-reveal: "Wackier job than the above")[(set: $pcJob to "wacky")] (set: $pcJobSpecialty to "empty") (set: $pcSense to "empty")5. If I had a sixth sense it would be my sense of: A) (link-reveal: "Destiny")[(set: $pcSense to "destiny")] B) (link-reveal: "Humor")[(set: $pcSense to "humor")] C) (link-reveal: "Diplomacy")[(set: $pcSense to "diplomacy")] D) (link-reveal: "Foresight")[(set: $pcSense to "foresight")] E) (link-reveal: "Duty")[(set: $pcSense to "duty")] [[=>|w2]]

(if: ((($pcJob is "nl") or ($pcJob is "wacky") or ($pcJob is "celebrity"))) and ($pcJobSpecialty is "empty"))[(goto: "w10")](if: ($pcJob is "empty") or ($pcValue is "empty") or ($pcImportant is "empty") or ($pcAspect is "empty") or ($pcSense is "empty"))[(go-to: "w1")](else:)[Your Best Life is just moments away. Just a few more statements](if: (history:) contains "w3")[ //You must select exactly one of each//]: (set: $pcHispanic to "empty")1. I am hispanic, latinx, or spanish (persons indicating "yes" should also answer question 2 below): A) (link-reveal: "Yes")[(set: $pcHispanic to "yes")] B) (link-reveal: "No")[(set: $pcHispanic to "no")] (set: $pcRace to "empty")2. My race is: A) (link-reveal: "White")[(set: $pcRace to "white")] B) (link-reveal: "Black")[(set: $pcRace to "black")] C) (link-reveal: "Asian")[(set: $pcRace to "asian")] D) (link-reveal: "Pacific Islander")[(set: $pcRace to "pacific islander")] E) (link-reveal: "Native American")[(set: $pcRace to "native american")] (set: $pcGender to "empty")3. My gender is: A) (link-reveal: "Male")[(set: $pcGender to "male")] B) (link-reveal: "Female")[(set: $pcGender to "female")] C) (link-reveal: "Trans")[(set: $pcGender to "trans")] (set: $pcOrientation to "empty")4. My sexual orientation is: A) (link-reveal: "Straight")[(set: $pcOrientation to "straight")] B) (link-reveal: "Queer")[(set: $pcOrientation to "queer")] C) (link-reveal: "Other")[(set: $pcOrientation to "other")] [[=>|best life 1 loading]]

(set: $pcFirstName to (prompt: "Please enter your first name:", "")) (set: $pcLastName to (prompt: "Please enter your last name:", ""))Congratulations, $pcFirstName $pcLastName! You've been randomly selected to participate in INFINITUBE's first-ever Best Life survey! Participants who complete this survey will immediately receive their own custom-made Best Life! [[=>|w1]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mSurvey)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mSurvey)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 11))}

(if: $pcJob is "nl")[In your dream scenario, in which category will you win the Nobel Prize? A) (link: "Chemistry")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "chemistry")(goto: "w2")] B) (link: "Physics")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "physics")(goto: "w2")] C) (link: "Economic Sciences")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "economic sciences")(goto: "w2")] D) (link: "Physiology or Medicine")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "physiology or medicine")(goto: "w2")] E) (link: "Literature")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "literature")(goto: "w2")] F) (link: "Peace")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "peace")(goto: "w2")]](if: $pcJob is "wacky")[Which of the following wacky dream jobs would be most ideal? A) (link: "Pizza Delivery Scuba Diver")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "pizza delivery scuba diver")(goto: "w2")] B) (link: "Snake Milker")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "snake milker")(goto: "w2")] C) (link: "Adequately Compensated Educator")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "adequately compensated educator")(goto: "w2")] D) (link: "Fake Mourner")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "fake mourner")(goto: "w2")] E) (link: "Teddy Bear Repair Technician")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "teddy bear repair technician")(goto: "w2")]](if: $pcJob is "celebrity")[Okay, you incredible famous person you. How'd you get to be such a massive sensation? A) (link: "Professional Athlete")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "professional athlete")(goto: "w2")] B) (link: "Sex Symbol")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "sex symbol")(goto: "w2")] C) (link: "Musician")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "musician")(goto: "w2")] D) (link: "Method Actor")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "method actor")(goto: "w2")] E) (link: "Comedian")[(set: $pcJobSpecialty to "comedian")(goto: "w2")]]

You're back in the Collideascope, on your feet in front of Phinn's booth. He's on his stool in there, absorbed in some kind of [[task|co2 task]].

''YOU ARE NOW THE BEST'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attBest)) A traveler is in Times Square. She's just visiting, but the sights and sounds and magnitude of the place have her really //aw shucks//-ing. (link: "...")[An ad for INFINITUBE appears on one of the incredible scrolling digital billboards. New Yorkers and tourists alike instinctively nod at it. (uppercase: $pcFirstName) (uppercase: $pcLastName) appears on one of the adjacent giant lit-up billboards. (link: "...")[This traveler can't help herself. She stops in her tracks and says, so that everyone can hear: "Wow, that $pcFirstName $pcLastName is (if: ($pcJob is "nl") and ($pcJobSpecialty is not "peace"))[a nobel prize winner for their work in $pcJobSpecialty](else-if: ($pcJob is "nl") and ($pcJobSpecialty is "peace"))[a nobel peace prize winner](else-if: ($pcJob is "ceo"))[a CEO](else-if: $pcJob is "wacky")[a $pcJobSpecialty](else-if: $pcJob is "celebrity")[a $pcJobSpecialty](else:)[$pcJob]! I'm so happy for (display: "pro-obj")." Normally New Yorkers don't take so kindly to those who stop in the middle of busy sidewalks. But this tourist has pierced their jaded sensibilities with some common ground. (link: "...")[An average Joe stops, takes you in, and says to the traveler, "I completely agree with you, friend. It's not always easy to be happy for such a successful person. But for some reason, when it comes to $pcFirstName $pcLastName? Good feeling. A lotta good feeling!" He does a classic New York gesture to help emphasize his point. (link: "...")[A young person, probably on their way to work, looks up from their phone and joins in. "This website says it's probably because of how $pcImportant (display: "pro-per") (display: "pro-be")." (link: "...")["It's unanimous!" A happy old man wearing garbage bags and pigeons. "Not only that, but I hear (display: "pro-per") got to this point with (display: "pro-pos") $pcValue-first attitude, which is somehow both profound and practical. Lastly, what a gift to humankind is (display: "pro-pos") sense of $pcSense." (link: "...")[(display: "dayEnder")]]]]]]

''YOU HAVE YOUR BEST LIFE'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "your best life")) You pick up right where you left off, living your best life. One day while walking around the halls at work, you notice a new office and peek in. A $pcRace (display: "pro-cas") with all of your features and aesthetic preferences is having a conversation with one of your interns. How are you feeling? A) (link: "Empowered")[(set: $my1 to 1)(go-to: "bl2 the rub")] B) (link: "Threatened")[(set: $my1 to 2)(go-to: "bl2 the rub")] C) (link: "Indifferent")[(set: $my1 to 3)(go-to: "bl2 the rub")]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mBestLife2)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mBestLife2)) (set: $unseenMinimValueList to it - (a: 12))}

(if: $my1 is 1)[Knowing there are people like you who are out there and have your back makes you feel great.](if: $my1 is 2)[That's understandable; if there are a limited number of yous allowed in positions like this, the quick rise of this newbie //should// be a disturbance.](if: $my1 is 3)[Why would the appearence of someone who looks like you be a threat--or a boon, for that matter?] The rub, though, is something else entirely: When you turn your head to inspect that coworkers' office doors it says their name is $pcFirstName $pcLastName. Also: (display: "pro-per") (if: $pcGender is "trans")[have](else:)[has] your job title and a picture of your mother on (display: "pro-pos") desk. How do you want to deal with this? A) (link: "Thoughtfully confront")[(set: $my2 to 1)(go-to: "bl2 meeting")] B) (link: "Aggressively confront")[(set: $my2 to 2)(go-to: "bl2 meeting")]

(if: $my2 is 1)[You have your people call (display: "pro-pos") people, arrange a quick conversation. "Can we meet at your home?" To which you obviously say no. "Fine then," 180ing. "It'll have to be a well-attended public space." When you arrive (display: "pro-per") say(if: $pcGender is "trans")[](else:)[s] that a person can be anything they want, even a facsimile of you.](if: $my2 is 2)[You call your lawyer, who issues a cease and desist on the grounds that using your name and likeness--and displaying images of your family--in your place of work constitutes a form of harrasment. This phony $pcFirstName refuses to heed your warning, so you and your team proceed with the suit. The judge drops the gavel: A person can be whatever they wish, even a facsimile of you.] Are you dreaming? A) (if: $inventory contains "a strange rebirth")[(link: "Yes")[(set: $my3 to 1)(go-to: "bl2 phinn")]](else:)[Yes] B) (link: "No")[(set: $my3 to 2)(go-to: "bl2 phinn")]

(if: $inventory contains "a strange rebirth")[''YOU ARE NOW INSIDE OF YOUR SHELF'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attInsideShelf)) You find yourself in front of a mirror. (link-reveal: "You see yourself in it.")[ (link-reveal: "Then the funniest thing happens.")[ (link-reveal: "When you turn away from it ...")[ (link-reveal: "You are the medicine cabinet.")[ (link-reveal: "Then the funniest thing happens.")[ (link-reveal: "Clown music starts playing")[ (link-reveal: "and Mysteriously walks in.")[ (link-reveal: "Then the funniest thing happens.")[ (link-reveal: "He goes to take a pee")[ (link-reveal: "But where his dong would be")[ There's just a classic movie's end credits. It reads: //PHINN//. ]]]]]]]]]]](else:)[''YOU ARE NOW OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attOutsideSelf)) You find yourself in front of a mirror. (link-reveal: "You see yourself in it.")[ (link-reveal: "Then the funniest thing happens.")[ (link-reveal: "When you turn away from it ...")[ (link-reveal: "You're missing.")[ (display: "dayEnder")]]]]]

What could you have possibly been thinking, enlisting in the Marines when you were only seven months old? A) [[Looooooove violence|mc violence]] B) [[Want to become hard as steel|mc steel]] C) [[Career placement opportunities|mc career]]{ (set: $seenMinimList to it + (a: $mMarine)) (set: $unseenMinimList to it - (a: $mMarine))}

Bonus Experiences are one of the many ways INFINITUBE users express their creativity, intellect, and spirit. Please select a category of Experience from one of the following options, or, to phinally meet Phinn(!), select option D. (display: "bonus experience choices")

Wow! You're really finding your way around here! INFINITUBE would like to reward your progress with another Bonus Experience! Whaddaya say? (display: "bonus experience choices")

You become aware of yourself in a massive house of mirrors. Everywhere you stare back at you figuring a way through. Everywhere a path too: (display: "co-compass-directions")

(link-reveal: "Buckles")[ as everyone calls him comes across like a scared quiet kid. He's young compared to everyone except for you and Henry. His head's always down. But then, and here's the weird thing, when he does speak it's often to promote his own toughness: //If Krueger said that to me I'd have blacked his good eye//, stuff like that. It's like, sorry, Buck, but if you want someone to believe you you should try holding eye contact for more than a few milliseconds at a time. He's a ''Waker''.(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Buckles, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Buckles" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Buckles"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Buckles")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Buckles, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Buckles" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Buckles"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Buckles")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]] (link-reveal: "Recruit Swann")['s a short, skinny gal from Long Island. She says she's from the North Shore, but she doesn't have any of the bone china vanity of an Uptown Girl. She's smoky-eyed and her face is somehow mind-expanding, fierce, afraid, intelligent. She's ''hesitant to pick a side'' on the whole Waker-Dreamer thing. (if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Swann, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Swann" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Swann"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Swann")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Swann, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Swann" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Swann"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Swann")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]] (link-reveal: "Recruit White")[ is attractive if you're a home appliance appraiser. His head's a toaster, his body is a fridge that can store maybe eighty gallons of milk at a time, his eyes are bald like eggs. He's a ''Dreamer'', and the two of you get into it here and there, but it's all in good fun, right?(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to White, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "White" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "White"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "White")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to White, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "White" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "White"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "White")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]](if: $davisGone is true)[](else:)[ (link-reveal: "Recruit Davis")[: a loudmouth of the highest order of angels, terrible to behold. For not only does she talk rigorous and reckless shit that seems to be in direct conversation with an AWOL godhead, occasionally her comments are so penetrating they have to be removed by human hand. She's a ''Waker'' through and through.(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Davis, click (link-reveal: "here")[(move: $mcItem1 into $davis)] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Davis, click (link-reveal: "here")[(move: $mcItem2 into $davis)]] ]] (link-reveal: "Recruit Charles")[ joined the marines to get away from a series of YouTube videos he made this year, all of which featured close shots of him reading his spoken word poetry directly into the camera. Videos that featured gems like, "The vault of your ribcage guards the world's goldest coins. / You pull them out and slip them into the slot machine of my face. / When you do, very bright burns the candle of my loins, / Which you extingush with the holy water of your embrace." Needless to say the internet loved these. He's a //nice// guy. Also a ''Dreamer''.(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Charles, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Charles" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Charles"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Charles")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Charles, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Charles" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Charles"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Charles")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]] If (link-reveal: "Recruit Mitchell")[ were a weapon he'd be a boomerang. If Mitchell were a song he'd be "Comeback Kid." If Mitchell were a game he'd be wall ball. If Mitchell were a contraceptive method he'd be indecision. Is he coming or going? There's a Schrodinger's Cat dimension to his position in the Civil War Nouveau; which side he takes is ''dependent on the gaze of the perciever''.(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Mitchell, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Mitchell" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Mitchell"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Mitchell")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Mitchell, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Mitchell" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Mitchell"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Mitchell")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]] (link-reveal: "Recruit Haskins")[ is nonbinary and an aspiring pilgrim from Sacramento, CA. Their longterm goal is to help terraform Mars if that's a thing that's actually going to happen in their lifetime. They don't really know how to get there though. In conversation they claim to be a ''Waker'', but everything else about their vision of the world suggests that they're a ''Dreamer'', so who can say.(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Haskins, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Haskins" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Haskins"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Haskins")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Haskins, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Haskins" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Haskins"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Haskins")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]] (link-reveal: "Recruit Rappaport")['s a new kind of hillbilly. He's missing several front teeth and addresses everyone as his fellow cracker, but he's also a fanatical ''Waker'', something about the legacy of John Brown ...(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Rappaport, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Rappaport" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Rappaport"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Rappaport")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Rappaport, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Rappaport" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Rappaport"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Rappaport")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] ]] (link-reveal: "Recruit Kwon")[ stands a mighty four-foot-nine and rocks the standard-issue chunky glasses without any semblance of hipness or shame. Her hair is jet black, and she keeps it in a tight bun. You get the sense that even though everyone is looking down at Kwon, Kwon is also looking down at all of you. She's polite, friendly, cheerful even. Still, her socialability has unsaid but clearly defined limits, and when the Civil War Nouveau is mentioned you catch expressions of disgust in her visage.(if: $sharingIsCaring is true)[ To give your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to Kwon, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem2 contains "Kwon" is false) and ($mcItem1 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: true, "Kwon"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem2 contains "Kwon")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem1 contains true)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]] To give your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to Kwon, click (link-reveal: "here")[(if: ($mcItem1 contains "Kwon" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: true, "Kwon"))](else:)[. (if: $mcItem1 contains "Kwon")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) already has an item, silly ;)](else-if: $mcItem2 contains true)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) is already using this item, silly ;)]]]]]

Why even ask. There's nothing to it, really. A whole lot of nothing, actually. Davis's absence is impossible to miss. She's gone as if she were never here in the first place. Everything: her bed, her footlocker, her clothes, her speech, her scent: all of it gone. "It's as if you [[dreamed|mc krueger]] her up," GSG Krueger says.

(if: ($inventory contains any of (a: "shiv", "rent controlled lease in the east village", "terminal illnes", "bee in your bonnet", "jobby job")) and ($uTrade is false))["Aw, are you sure you don't wanna trade with me?" the Unicorn asks with a slouch. "I sure would like to help you on your way!" Do you: A) (link: "Relent and make the trade")[] B) Double down](else:)[](if: $uTrade is true)[You pull the $inventory out of your pocket, stand up, walk toward the stage, and place it in the unicorn's outstretched hand-hoof. You go back to your seat.](else:)["Not really," you say from your seat.] (if: $uTrade is true)["Well isn't that something," U exclaims, letting the $inventory fall to the stage.](else:)["Oh. "Well I suppose I can let the trade go this once ... you //are// on your trial afterall ..."] First a point to the roof then a point to a foot-hoof then that hoof stamps on a button you only now noticed ... and a still-beating human heart with the words "the boy's" lands in your lap. U waves big. "[[Bye|loading]] for now! Say hi to Carny for me!"

''YOU NOW HAVE INFANTILE RAGE'' (set: $mcItem1 to (a: "infantile rage")) According to //VVAAIN//'s first quarter 2020 special report on untapped renewable resources, infantile rage has gone //seriously// underutilized by entrepreneurs and enviornmental scientists alike. As soon as you saw the guide you shared it with Henry--finally, a world that values your inability to regulate your wants! [[=>|mc story 1]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A SYCOPHANTIC CAREGIVER'' (set: $mcItem1 to (a: "sycophantic caregiver")) For far too long the destiny of babies has been pampered, tampered, and hampered by helicopter parents. You and Henry will represent a new breed of tot: fodder toddlers, front-line killing beans, rock-a-bye-bye babies. [[=>|mc story 1]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A TEN-YEAR PLAN'' (set: $mcItem1 to (a: "ten-year plan")) By three you'll be an attache. Seven? Head of the Bureau. If by ten you and Henry are both still kicking and screaming: military coup, baby! [[=>|mc story 1]]

''YOU ARE NOW WHITE'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWhite)) Plus you haven't enlisted alone. You're here with your brother from another mother. A [[war's|mc civil war nouveau]] on, and at some level you feel duty-bound to stand with Henry.

The Civil War Nouveau is the US's first //official// intranational conflict since 1865; [[commenters|mc commenters]] have called it the most well-devised remake of the new millenium, and that's really saying something because if this thousand years has so far been anything it has been the thousand years of the remake. Old IPs with inverted gender dynamics, full-scale reproductions of ancient architecture in Beijing and Las Vegas, (color: "#FF1493")[[[the new zodiac]]].

Self-avowed nihilistic newscasters Franklin and Tess Loogie of the //Village Void//'s Avarice As Intelligence Network have gone on record: this shouldn't be thought of as a sequel, no CWII here. We're doing the same thing over and over (and over and over) again with some slight technological updates. (link: "...")[Henry's [[reasons|mc henrys reasons]] are a bit more boots-on-the-ground though.]

Briefly, the new zodiac was developed by the Alliance of Salty Souls Enumerating Softnesses who, unlike their peers in the astrology community, are not at all fascinated by the thirteenth sign, but are smitten by the notion of modernizing and individualizing the Elements of the currently available twelve: March 21 – April 19, Aries, is now the Whiskey sign: first fire then water. It will be represented by a Scar. April 20 – May 20, Taurus, is now the Iron sign: first earth then fire. It will be represented by Handcuffs. May 21 – June 20, Gemini, is now the Propane sign: first air then fire. It will be represented by a Trumpet. June 21 – July 22, Cancer, is now the Mud sign: first water then earth. It will be represented by a Towel. July 23 – August 22, Leo, is now the Coal sign: first fire then earth. It will be represented by a Trowel. August 23 – September 22, Virgo, is now the Sand sign: first earth then water. It will be represented by a Public Defender. September 23 – October 22, Libra, is now the Dust sign: first air then earth. It will be represented by a Skull. October 23 – November 21, Scorpio, is now the Oil sign: first water then fire. It will be represented by a Ribbon Flying in the Wind. November 22 – December 21, Saggitarius, is now the Spark sign: first fire then air. It will be represented by a Fence. December 22 – January 19, Capricorn, is now the Bullet sign: first earth then air. It will be represented by a Chipped Tooth. January 20 – February 18, Aquarius, is now the Mist sign: first air then water. It will be represented by a Lagoon. February 19 – March 20, Pisces, is now the Bubble sign: first water then air. It will be represented by a Flurry of Motion. Corresponding name changes, ASSES assure us, are forthcoming. [[<=|mc civil war nouveau]]

Henry's mother, Shirley, with whom he was living, died from a blood clot two weeks ago. He was working at Wal-Mart, which means max thirty hours a week, which means $400/month for health insurance, which is almost as much as he takes home in two weeks. (link: "...")[(link-reveal: "Infancy")[(link-reveal: "-->Infantry")[(link-reveal: ". Like that")[. Like [[this:|mc report]]]]]]

"HAPPY JUNE SIXTH THE YEAR OF OUR GOURD TWO THOUSAND AND SIX. AND WHAT A HAPPY DAY IT IS. "YOU'VE GOT FRANKLIN AND TESS LOOGIE COMING AT YOU LIVE FROM THE VVAAIN HQ HERE IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA, WITH (lol) URGENT NEWS FROM PARRIS ISLAND THIS MORNING." (link: "...")[Franklin and Tess are either conjoined twins or are made to look like conjoined twins. They each wear the heavy plastic president masks of bank robbers. Nixon and Obama this morning. They speak in unison. They sound like cicadas. (link: "...")["THE CIVIL WAR NOUVEAU HAS BECOME MILITARIZED, BUT NOT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE EXPECTED. NO REPLAY OF KENT STATE TODAY, FRANKLIN/TESS. RATHER, NEW RECRUITS AT THE MARINE CORPS' BOOT CAMP FACILITY HAVE ENGAGED //EACH OTHER// IN [[GUERILLA WAR|mc first day]].]]"

It's mid-May when you and Henry arrive at Parris Island. Gunnery Sergeant Krueger is your platoon's drill sergeant. He's a six-foot reflex hammer of a senior citizen, bow-legged as all get out. His left eye can't open, and he's got an ability to access primal tantrums in a way you've never before beheld in an adult. The first weeks at Parris Island are almost impossibly difficult. What's the central challenge? A) [[Everything is out of reach|mc bouncy]] B) [[Loud noises sometimes make you cry uncontrollably|mc diaper]] C) [[You miss Ma|mc pillow]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A BOUNCY BODY'' (set: $mcItem2 to (a: "bouncy body")) The rungs to your bunk's ladders, mess trays, even the assault rifles laid out on your footlockers. In the first weeks of basic, everything hovers just outside your reach. Luckily, one day you fall from the monkey bars. Rather than kersplat though, you bounce like a rubber ball and return to the swinging position. Cartiledge, which your fleshy little donut body currently hangs onto, is like rubber! Before long you and Henry are dive bombing through obstacle courses and ordering seconds on mashed totatoes. [[=>|mc well for a while]]

''YOU NOW HAVE SWISS ARMY DIAPER'' (set: $mcItem2 to (a: "swiss army diaper")) Boot camp, it turns out, is a sonic minefield ... and the mines are remotely and randomly detonated. Oh, but Henry has an app for that. One day, marvelling at the multisensory absorbency of his shit eaters, Henry asks you if you think they would absorb the spittle that flies out of Krueger's mouth when he's in a tirade. A second later, as if visited by a Muse, he says: of course they would; they might also devour the shouting. You and Henry have been wrapping your little heads in diapers ever since. [[=>|mc well for a while]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A SURROGATE MOTHER'' (set: $mcItem2 to (a: "surrogate mother")) You know Ma is back in Newburgh just worried to death about you. You're worried to death about Ma. Not to mention the 24-hour convenience store of her bosom, amirite? You go to bed with a pang of hunger more often than not, but you do (almost) always go to bed. And in that bed is the second most warm, second most kind, second most gentle creature you've ever known. And each morning you wake up suckling at that pillow's corners. [[=>|mc well for a while]]

(set: $mcInventory to (a:) + (a: $mcItem2))With the help of your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), things go well for a while. GSG Krueger stays out of your way, and you make a bunch of playmates. (set: $sharingIsCaring to false) (set: $davisGone to false) //These people are going to be important later, but this won't be the last time you have access to their names and info.// (display: "mc playmates") [[=>|mc conflict begins]]

{(set: $loop to it + 1) (set: $loading to 0) (goto: "loading")}

One could say that it's Henry who breaks the calm. (link: "...")[He stretches his neck on the night of June 5; (link: "...")[Krueger has a few [[words|mc krueger speech]] prepared for such an occasion.]]

With you and your fellow recruits trapped in a rehearsed paralysis, he paces and prostheletizes, even his missing eye bright with anger. "The United States was founded on an idea. That for a society to function justly, every man should be free to determine his own destinty. "Our founders were righteous men, men who had the courage and stength of will to turn this idea, a dream, into a reality. "You, all of you, black white yellow red or purple, pussy and/or prick, are but the figures of such a dream, and I'll be damned if I let you ungrateful dogs turn it into a (link-reveal: "nightmare.")[ "'[[Nightmare|mc nightmare]]' he says," Recruit Davis sighs and rubs her eyes.]

So enraptured by his own speech, GSG Krueger seems not to hear Recruit Davis. He continues: "You need to prove that you deserve to share space in the dreams of our forebearers! "How do you deserve the dream? You serve it. "How do you serve the dream? You serve by pre-serving it." (link: "...")[Krueger breaks the ranks of the formation, assumes a four-point stance so that his crooked nose is grazing Henry's little button nose. (link: "...")[He continues in a low growl, "Tell me, Jackson, what do you deserve? Standing there all ungrateful-like, tottering during the pledge like a teeny tiny toddler. "Boy, if I didn't love my job and love my country I'd punt you into the goddamn sea like a goddman pigskin." (link-reveal: "A pause.")[ Henry's gaze doesn't budge from the position of attention, and the weird thing is that you can't even feel his presence. It's like he's gone dead, stopped transmitting a frequency. (link: "...")[{Davis: (print: ("\n")) "Checkout's at ten.(print: ("\n")) "You've been shacking in this flea-bitten motel (print: ("\n")) "for five hundred years at least, (print: ("\n")) "but it's finally time to check out.(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) "Let's discuss your bill-- (print: ("\n")) "there's gonna be a slight service(print: ("\n")) "charge for the making of the beds (print: ("\n")) "built on blood and bodies. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) "When you checked in service(print: ("\n")) "was free, you might say. (print: ("\n")) "But what's the word for free, (print: ("\n")) "mandatory service?(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) "Right. And these dreams: (print: ("\n")) "Entertainment tax. Wax(print: ("\n")) "museums charge admission;(print: ("\n")) "same principle here,(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) "but in this case,(print: ("\n")) "the interest outstrips(print: ("\n")) "the principal. Your dreams(print: ("\n")) "have indebted you, Sgt. Krueger,(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) "a fisher of void can't chaff(print: ("\n")) "the tall hat of your lack. So pack,(print: ("\n")) "say goodbye to your friends,(print: ("\n")) "and be out by ten."(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) } (link: "...")[Krueger goes quiet, puzzled maybe. [[The day ends|mc davis missing]] with neither bang nor whimper.]]]]]

(if: (history:) contains "mc davis missing yes")[(set: $investigateDavis to true) (set: $sharingIsCaring to true) (go-to: "mc davis missing yes")](else-if: (history:) contains "mc davis missing no")[(set: $investigateDavis to false) (set: $sharingIsCaring to true) (go-to: "mc davis missing no")](else:)[The next morning Recruit Davis is missing. What's more, at morning formation your platoon's roll has dropped a number, and Krueger makes no effort to explain her disappearence. Do you want to do some investigating into the matter? A) (link: "Yes")[(set: $investigateDavis to true) (set: $sharingIsCaring to true) (go-to: "mc davis missing yes")] B) (link: "No")[(set: $investigateDavis to false) (set: $sharingIsCaring to true) (go-to: "mc davis missing no")]]

"THE CIVIL WAR NOUVEAU HAS BECOME MILITARIZED, BUT NOT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE EXPECTED. NO REPLAY OF KENT STATE TODAY, FRANKLIN/TESS. RATHER, NEW RECRUITS AT THE MARINE CORPS' BOOT CAMP FACILITY HAVE ENGAGED //EACH OTHER// IN GUERILLA WAR. (link: "...")["AND LUCKY FOR US, THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF, A FELLOW NIHILIST, HAS AGREED TO PERSONALLY BANKROLL THE ENTIRE CONFLICT AS A ONCE-IN-A-LIFETIME REALITY TV MEGA EVENT! WOWWEE ZOWWEE! (link: "...")["THAT'S RIGHT, FRANKLIN/TESS! THE CIVIL WAR NOUVEAU'S MOST INSPIRED DRAMATIC ACTION WILL BE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE, [[LIVE|mc background and decision]], ON VVAIN NEWS!"]]

(if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[''YOU NOW HAVE THE ZERO STONE'' (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to it + (a: "zero stone")) ](live: 3s)[Is your cat driving you batty with toxoplasma?] (live: 6s)[Is your dog only friendly because you feed it?] (live: 9s)[Did your parents train you to relate in ways that are self-destructive?] (live: 12s)[Does your lover unknowingly prey on your insecurities?] (live: 15s)[Are your children going to consume all your resources like a plague of locusts and then abandon you?] (live: 18s)[Well boy, do we have the answer for you!] (live: 20s)[Suicide:] (live: 21s)[The Final Commodity] (live: 22s)[(if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[(go-to: "profile")](else:)[(go-to: "mc final")]]

The time has come. You yourself will have to pick a side. Do you want to be a (color: "#FF1493")[[[Waker|mc waker background]]] or a (color: "#FF1493")[[[Dreamer|mc dreamer background]]]? (set: $sharingIsCaring to true) (set: $davisGone to true) A) (link: "Waker")[(set: $pcCWN to "Waker") (set: $pcCWNOpposition to "Dreamer") (go-to: "mc recruitment blocker")] B) (link: "Dreamer")[(set: $pcCWN to "Dreamer") (set: $pcCWNOpposition to "Waker") (go-to: "mc recruitment blocker")]

The term Dreamer was coined by Ta-Nehisi Coates in his best-selling //Between the World and Me//; initially a term of derision, so-called Dreamers seized upon the term as part of their broader reclamation project. [[<=|mc background and decision]]

While the opposition party's name technically predates the Waker movement, Waker was initally a term of derision. Once the Dreamer reclamation project began, they named their opposition "Wakers" as a play on fashionable Wokeness. Wakers, however, eventually seized upon the term as part of their reclamation project. [[<=|mc background and decision]]

You saddle up on the side of the (print: $pcCWN)s. And now, you must prepare your unit for combat. [[=>|mc gift giving]]

{(set: $mcGiftGivingCounter to it + 1)(if: $mcGiftGivingCounter >= 2)[//You have to give both your items away, silly! ;)//](display: "mc playmates") } [[=>|mc results]]

{(if: ($mcItem1 contains true is false) or ($mcItem2 contains true is false))[(goto: "mc gift giving")] }You gave your (print: $mcItem1's 1st) to (print: $mcItem1's 3rd), and your (print: $mcItem2's 1st) to (print: $mcItem2's 3rd). They (link-reveal: "respond to your gifts thus:")[ { (if: $mcItem1 contains "Buckles")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[ (if: $mcItem1 contains "infantile rage")[Buckles seems to hold the masculine imperative of aggressivity in high esteem, but is oddly incapable of demonstrating it. Perhaps what he needs is a teeny wittle baby rage, baby! (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: $mcItem1 contains "sycophantic caregiver")[Everyone needs a caregiver. But few could use a sycophant. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem1's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem1's 1st)). (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem1's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem1's 1st), but he works for the opposition! (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "Swann")[Unfortunately, Swann's gone AWOL. Unlike Davis, however, her bed and footlocker have not been deleted. Seems she got outta dodge. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "White")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Dreamer")[ (if: $mcItem1 contains "infantile rage")[Can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs; White can't press his thumbs into people's eyes without some Infantile Rage. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem1's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem1's 1st)). (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem1's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem1's 1st), but he works for the opposition! (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "Charles")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Dreamer")[ (if: $mcItem1 contains "sycophantic caregiver")[Charles was in fostercare--a sycophantic caregiver would have probably been preferable to the Agent Smiths who raised him. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: $mcItem1 contains "ten-year plan")[What Charles really seems to lack in terms of his personal development is a way forward, a vision, a ten-year plan. Now he has one--after this is over, he's going to put his sensitivity to good use, become a nurse at a VA hospital. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem1's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem1's 1st)). (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem1's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem1's 1st), but he works for the opposition! (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "Mitchell")[ (if: ($investigateDavis is true) and ($pcCWN is "Waker"))[Mitchell digs the (print: $mcItem1's 1st). Not because of the object itself, but because of the decisions you made before giving it to him. (set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: "good")) (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (else-if: ($investigateDavis is false) and ($pcCWN is "Dreamer"))[Mitchell digs the (print: $mcItem1's 1st). Not because of the object itself, but because of the decisions you made before giving it to him. (set: $mcItem1 to it + (a: "good")) (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (else:)[Mitchell is baffled by the (print: $mcItem1's 1st). Not because of the object itself, but because of the decisions you made before giving it to him. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "Haskins")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "ten-year plan")[We're not going to Mars anytime soon, and Haskins knows this. What they need, though, is a plan. A thing to do next. Now they have one. They're going to go back to Sacramento learn a trade, get involved with local government. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem1's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem1's 1st)). (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem1's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem1's 1st), but they work for the opposition!(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) As it turns out, Haskins //is// a Waker. Their justification: Reality isn't a dream if the dream is embodied. ] ] ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "Rappaport")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[(print: ($mcItem1's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem1's 1st)). (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem1's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem1's 1st), but he works for the opposition! (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $mcItem1 contains "Kwon")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[(print: ($mcItem1's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem1's 1st)). (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem1's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem1's 1st), but she works for the opposition! Forced to pick a side, Kwon knows how this story goes: the Dream wasn't meant to include her either. (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Buckles")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "surrogate mother")[Who among us could not find use for a soft touch that molds to the contours of our hard heads? Buckles is into the surrogate mother. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem2's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem2's 1st)). ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem2's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), but he works for the opposition! ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Swann")[Unfortunately, Swann's gone AWOL. Unlike Davis, however, her bed and footlocker have not been deleted. Seems she got outta dodge. ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "White")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Dreamer")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "surrogate mother")[Who among us could not find use for a soft touch that molds to the contours of our hard heads? White is who: his personality allows for little tenderness. ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem2's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem2's 1st)). ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem2's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), but he works for the opposition! ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Charles")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Dreamer")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "bouncy body")[Charles is like a squid. Smart, shelless, spineless. Adding some rubber to his posture might help the strays bounce. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: $mcItem2 contains "swiss army diaper")[Charles is like a squid. Smart, shelless, spineless. But you can help. Now, the new and improved Charles has a swiss army diaper that'll block out the nasty things meanies say. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: $mcItem2 contains "surrogate mother")[Who among us could not find use for a soft touch that molds to the contours of our hard heads? Charles is so grateful for this pillow he recites Neruda's Ode to Socks from memory. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem2's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), but he works for the opposition! ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Mitchell")[ (if: ($investigateDavis is true) and ($pcCWN is "Waker"))[Mitchell digs the (print: $mcItem2's 1st). Not because of the object itself, but because of the decisions you made before giving it to him. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: ($investigateDavis is false) and ($pcCWN is "Dreamer"))[Mitchell digs the (print: $mcItem2's 1st). Not because of the object itself, but because of the decisions you made before giving it to him. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[Mitchell is baffled by the (print: $mcItem2's 1st). Not because of the object itself, but because of the decisions you made before giving it to him. ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Haskins")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "surrogate mother")[Who among us could not find use for a soft touch that molds to the contours of our hard heads? Haskins holds the pillow like a breath. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem2's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem2's 1st)). ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem2's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), but they work for the opposition!(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) As it turns out, Haskins //is// a Waker. Their justification: Reality isn't a dream if the dream is embodied. ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Rappaport")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "bouncy body")[Rappaport is just constantly flinging himself around, and that isn't gonne change none. Better get that boy some give, hear? (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: $mcItem2 contains "surrogate mother")[Who among us could not find use for a soft touch that molds to the contours of our hard heads? Not Rappaport, double negatives being what they is. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem2's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem2's 1st)). ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem2's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), but he works for the opposition! ] ] (if: $mcItem2 contains "Kwon")[ (if: $pcCWN contains "Waker")[ (if: $mcItem2 contains "swiss army diaper")[Kwon clearly wants you all to shut the front door. So you give her the keys in the way of diapers. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else-if: $mcItem2 contains "surrogate mother")[Who among us could not find use for a soft touch that molds to the contours of our hard heads? Kwon's look at you says thank you. (set: $mcItem2 to it + (a: "good")) ] (else:)[(print: ($mcItem2's 3rd)) is a little unsure of what to do with the (print: ($mcItem2's 1st)). ] ] (else:)[You gave (print: $mcItem2's 3rd) your (print: $mcItem2's 1st), but she works for the opposition! Forced to pick a side, Kwon knows how this story goes: the Dream wasn't meant to include her either. ] ] } [[=>|mc battle takes place]]]

(if: ($mcItem1 contains "good") and ($mcItem2 contains "good"))[''YOU ARE NOW A WINNER'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWinner))](else-if: ($mcItem1 contains "good" is false) and ($mcItem2 contains "good" is false))[''YOU ARE NOW A LOSER'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attLoser))] The battle begins in a laser tag arena. Frosty red and blue and green and purple lights bumble in the darkness of the various corridors, corridors that contain big rectangular protusions for cover. (if: $mcItem1 contains "good")[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) blasts an invisble beam at incoming enemies with noble efficiency.](else:)[(print: $mcItem1's 3rd) aims confusedly up, down, and around as if blindfolded.] (link: "...")[Franklin and Tess Loogie declare (if: $mcItem1 contains "good")[the (print: $pcCWN)s](else:)[the (print: $pcCWNOpposition)s] the winners of the Laser Tag round before shooting to commercial break. (link: "...")[The second and penultimate round is a memory game. Contestants are blindfolded, lined up against a brick wall, and told that they will be executed by gunfire if they do not remember what they have forgotten. The guest host of this challenge, a stick figure drawn on a piece of paper glued to a popsickle stick, then turns to the camera and whispers: "What the contestants don't know is that we've only actually got brightly colored supersoakers in the building! Gleeeeeeee!" That's his catchphrase. "But we filled them with bison blood. Gleeeeeeeeeeee!" (link: "...")[(if: $mcItem2 contains "good")[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) recalls what was truly traumatizing: the act of cruelty not committed by the other, but by the self.](else:)[(print: $mcItem2's 3rd) screams What?? This is unjust, unfair, impossible! And then they're blasted by a stream of blood!] (link: "...")["IT LOOKS LIKE THE (if: $mcItem1 contains "good")[(uppercase: $pcCWN)S.](else:)[(uppercase: $pcCWNOpposition)S] HAVE WON THE AMUSING INNOCUOUS AND CUTE MEMORY GAME. (link: "...")["NOW, FRANKLIN/TESS. DO YOU THINK WE SHOULD FORCE OUR LOYAL VIEWERS AT HOME TO SIT THROUGH AN (color: "#FF1493")[[[AGONIZING COMMERCIAL BREAK|mc sponsor]]], OR SHOULD WE TAKE THEM RIGHT TO THE THIRD AND FINAL ROUND, [[THE MOLE IN THE FOXHOLE COMPETITION|mc mole]]?]]]]]

Feeling loopy yet? If not, consider yet another! How's about it? (display: "bonus experience choices")

(if: (history:)'s last is "mc sponsor")["AAAAAAAAAND WE'RE BACK!" ](else:)[Franklin and Tess reveal that everything is not what it seems. "TWO BOSOM BABIES ENLISTED IN THE MARINES TOGETHER; "ONE AFTER PERSONAL TRAGEDY, "THE OTHER FROM A COMMITMENT TO THEIR FRIEND. "BUT OVER THE COURSE OF THEIR JOURNEY, THEY EACH PICKED A SIDE. "DID THEY MANAGE TO [[PERCEIVE THE OTHER'S WILL|mc final]]?"]

A) (link: "North")[(set: $direction to "North")(go-to: "co1")] B) (link: "North-Northeast")[(set: $direction to "North-Northeast")(go-to: "co1")] C) (link: "Northeast")[(set: $direction to "Northeast")(go-to: "co1")] D) (link: "East-Northeast")[(set: $direction to "East-Northeast")(go-to: "co1")] E) (link: "East")[(set: $direction to "East")(go-to: "co1")] F) (link: "East-Southeast")[(set: $direction to "East-Southeast")(go-to: "co1")] G) (link: "Southeast")[(set: $direction to "Southeast")(go-to: "co1")] H) (link: "South-Southeast")[(set: $direction to "South-Southeast")(go-to: "co1")] I) (link: "South")[(set: $direction to "South")(go-to: "co1")] J) (link: "South-Southwest")[(set: $direction to "South-Southwest")(go-to: "co1")] K) (link: "Southwest")[(set: $direction to "Southwest")(go-to: "co1")] L) (link: "West-Southwest")[(set: $direction to "West-Southwest")(go-to: "co1")] M) (link: "West")[(set: $direction to "West")(go-to: "co1")] N) (link: "West-Northwest")[(set: $direction to "West-Northwest")(go-to: "co1")] O) (link: "Northwest")[(set: $direction to "Northwest")(go-to: "co1")] P) (link: "North-Northwest")[(set: $direction to "North-Northwest")(go-to: "co1")]

(goto: "tm3-end")

You turn to walk $direction, but as you turn your head, you spy [[something strange|co2]] evacuating your reflection.

Its opacity. You think of a song but you can't recall the words. Your head has an opacity of about 25 percent. (link: "...")[And yet as you continue, the strangness [[multiplies|co3]].]

The arched, intricate, jewel-like mirror ornamentations in the $direction hall has each of your heads sporting other heads: like a glass your reflections have been [[filled|co4]].

A hundred surfaces, A hundred of your heads at 25 percent opacity, each of your hundred heads now co-habitating with another head, another visage, expression, complexion, countanence, not at perfect opaqueness itself. Your body remains unchanged. (link: "...")[The effect's dizzying. You [[nearly trip on a nickel strip|co5]] holding the floor's mirrors in place.]

You catch yourself, but the lerch made a difference. The filler heads aren't simply transparent-- as you try to proceed, they also transmogrify, [[cycle through different heads|co6]] like a grainy loop of a flower blooming, decaying, and blooming again.

[[You black out|co7]]

and awaken at the foot of a mirror-booth to the sounds of a few muffled grumbles, then a badly-rehearsed greeting in a monotone voice. (link: "...")["Mrrum mrrum mrumm here we go ... anudda one. "Hey hi hello and welcome to INFINITUBE, where imagination stretches as far as limitations can reach." You stand. (link: "...")[The human thing is a fleshy mirror. Chubby even. A full-figured, perfectly chromatic anthropomorph with a featureless face. Apparently one that's become disillusioned by its line of work. (link: "...")["How 'bout this one: "It'll be my //infinite// pleasure to assist you with your [[Subscription Renewal|co70]] today."]]]

(link: "...")["It's simple, kid. Like this: (link: "...")["You need ''TOKENS''. (link: "...")["INFINITUBE wants your ''ATTRIBUTES''. (link: "...")["So we trade, see? You give me Attributes, I give you Tokens. Bada bing bada boom. That easy. (link: "...")["What's the going rate for an Attribute, you might ask. That's also easy: the ''EXCHANGE VALUE'' on 'em is all different, but it's listed right there so ya know ... don't be a bum. Check it for yourself. By no means should you come boddering me about it, understand? (link: "...")["Okay so here's the only tricky part so listen close: (link: "...")["There are two types a Attribute: ''IDENTIFIERS'' and ''INTANGIBLES''. Intangibles are easy. All they got is their Exchange Value. "Identifiers though. Identifiers got an Exchange Value--//and// they got a ''ABILITY''. (link: "...")["Abilities modify other Attributes' Exchange Values. (link: "...")["I swear on my mother I get asked about this part three hundred times a day so please for the love of god, kid, don't be like these udder mopes: "An Ability comes into effect only if it is //not// exchanged. (link: "...")["You'll see. You'll get it. It's easy. Smart kid like you? Easy peezy. "That's it look at you you're already a pro you'll do great. The cost of Subscription Renewal today is 6 Tokens." [[=>|co-exchange]]]]]]]]]]]]

//''Attributes''// {(if: $pcAttributes's length > 0)[ (set: $saleMemory to (a:)) (set: $saleMemory to it + (a: $pcAttributes)) (for: each _att, ...$pcAttributes)[ (print: _att's pass + (" | To sell this attribute click")) (link-reveal: "here")[ (set: $pcAttributes to it - (a: _att)) (set: $saleList to it + (a: _att)) (set: $saleTotal to it + _att's val) ] (print: ("\n")) ] ] (if: $loop is 1)[ (set: $renewalPrice to 6) ] (else-if: $loop is 2)[ (set: $renewalPrice to 12) ] (else-if: $loop is 3)[ (set: $renewalPrice to 18) ]  } [[=>|co-exchange-wo-abilities]]

//Your total Exchange Value before your Abilities have taken effect:// $saleTotal [[=>|co-exchange-w-abilities]]{ (set: $whiteCountSale to (find: _white where _white's abil is "white", ...$pcAttributes)) (set: $quarterSaleTotal to ($saleTotal / 4)) (set: $threeQuarterSaleTotal to ($quarterSaleTotal * 3)) (if: $saleTotal > 0)[ (if: $whiteCountSale's length is 1)[ (for: each _att, ...$saleList)[ (set: $saleTotal to it + 2)] ] (else-if: ($pcAttributes contains $attEurocentric))[ (for: each _att, ...$saleList)[ (set: $saleTotal to it + 4) ] ] (else-if: ($pcAttributes contains $attVastesthai))[  (set: $saleTotal to it * (-1)) ] ]

//Your total Exchange Value after your Abilities have come into effect:// $saleTotal [[=>|co-exchange-result]]

(set: $newAccount to (($saleTotal - $renewalPrice)) + $account)"Okay, kiddo. You gamey $saleTotal Tokens worth a Attributes. Renewal brings you back $renewalPrice. So. You did it. You had $account Tokens before our little parley, which brings you to a current $newAccount Tokens in your Account." {(if: $loop is 1)[ (set: $saleTotal to it - $renewalPrice) (if: $saleTotal < 0)[ (goto: "co-exchange-result-fail") ] (set: $account to $newAccount) (set: $saleList to it - $saleList) (set: $saleTotal to (abs: $saleTotal)) (set: $saleTotal to it - $saleTotal) ] (else-if: $loop is 2)[ (set: $saleTotal to it - $renewalPrice) (if: $saleTotal < 0)[ (goto: "co-exchange-result-fail") ] (set: $account to $newAccount) (set: $saleList to it - $saleList) (set: $saleTotal to (abs: $saleTotal)) (set: $saleTotal to it - $saleTotal) ] (if: $loop >= 3)[ (set: $saleTotal to it - $renewalPrice) (if: $saleTotal < 0)[ (goto: "co-exchange-result-fail") ] (set: $account to $newAccount) (set: $saleList to it - $saleList) (set: $saleTotal to (abs: $saleTotal)) (set: $saleTotal to it - $saleTotal) ] } Phinn puts his hand up in front of your face. (link: "...")[There you are. [[The hand annoints you|word from sponsor]].]

(if: $loop is 1)[Congratulations!! Your first full loop through the Tubes!](else-if: $loop is 2)[You did it again! Totally tubular, dude ;)](else-if: $loop is 3)[A third loop?1 That might be a world record!] INFINITUBE has recorded your progress, and the Tubes'll have you right back in the action after a quick word about one of our related (if: $loop is 1)[[[products|sponsor 1]](save-game: "level 1.1")](else-if: $loop is 2)[[[products|sponsor 2]](save-game: "level 2.1")](else-if: $loop is 3)[[[products|sponsor 3]](save-game: "level 3.1")].

(live: 2s)[(either: "We are experiencing some slight technical difficulties.", "We will be back in a moment.", "Excuse our appearence.")] (live: 4s)[(either: "We are experiencing some slight technical difficulties.", "We will be back in a moment.", "Excuse our appearence.")] (live: 6s)[(either: "We are experiencing some slight technical difficulties.", "We will be back in a moment.", "Excuse our appearence.")] (live: 8s)[(either: "We are experiencing some slight technical difficulties.", "We will be back in a moment.", "Excuse our appearence.")] (live: 10s)[(either: "We are experiencing some slight technical difficulties.", "We will be back in a moment.", "Excuse our appearence.")] (event: when time > 20s)[[[Reboot|wasteland 1]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(event: when time > 5s)[The sky] (event: when time > 10s)[Who thought of such a thing?] (event: when time > 12s)[And] (event: when time > 20s)[Where could they have left it?] (event: when time > 23s)[Oh] (event: when time > 25s)[Here it is] (event: when time > 27s)[Gathering] (event: when time > 29s)[Like a riot] (event: when time > 34s)[(Goto:"w1 moorland")]

You lean and loafe at your ease ... (link: "...")[the bough breaks. (link: "...")[A western wind picks up and you check the melody. The gust pushes the strange clouds away, revealing simply stratus clouds behind. (link: "...")[The new light reveals a [[blot|w1 minerva]] on the landscape.]]]

(if: $tm1Gift is "truly nothing")["I really do want to be your friend, but I don't have anything to give." The little being squiggles cautiously from the curated chaos of their hiding place. (link: "...")[The mysterious little human being is a woman. She's old, but there's energy to her, and constant movement. Yet her face is oddly stiff, stuck in a plastic look of surprise. "Welp. Ask nothing from nothing, [[my sun always set|tm2]]. Said."]](else:)[You hold out your (print: $tm1Gift), and your new friend rushes out of her hiding spot. The mysterious little human being is a woman. She's old, but there's energy to her, and constant movement. Yet her face is oddly stiff, stuck in a plastic look of surprise. She [[snatches|tm2]] the (print: $tm1Gift) you just handed to her.]

The moorland maintains its low, rolling hilliness, but transmogrifies. Its browny scabs become junk. Everywhere you look there's knick-knacks, tchotchkes, flyers for albums, posters for movies, discarded electronics. The blot in the distance has lights on its surface that flicker and change color at odd frequencies. (link: "...")[You moth you. Within seconds you find yourself nearer [[it|the bump]].]

You're not the only vagabond this side of the Collideascope. You peer upon a frightening but perhaps moreso frightened thing. It's another human-shaped being. Incredibly small, maybe two feet in height, wearing a yellow emergency poncho, hood up. You can't quite divine their [[face|w1 friend or nah]].

They immediately scram into the depths of the heap. A question pops out: "Are you here because you want to be my friend, or are you here because you want to be mean?" Answer them: A) (link: "I want to be your friend")[(set: $tm1A to 1)(goto: "w1 add to my heap")] B) (link: "I want to be mean")[(set: $tm1A to 2)(goto: "w1 add to my heap")]

(if: $tm1A is 1)["I want to be your friend," you say. "Oh yeah?" "Well my therapist keeps telling me I need to learn to stand up for myself, so what I'm going to tell you right now is that if you plan on being my friend, you have to add something to my heap." Do you want to: A) (if: $inventory's length is 0 is false)[(link: "Give them your (print: $inventory's 1st)")[(move: $inventory's 1st into $tm1Gift)(set: $inventory to it - $inventory's 1st)(go-to: "tm1-gift")]](else:)[Give them your inventory item] B) (if: $inventory's length is 0)[(link: "Tell them honestly you don't have anything to give")[(set: $tm1Gift to "truly nothing")(go-to: "tm1-gift")]](else:)[Tell them honestly you don't have anything to give] C) (link: "Try to change the subject")[(set: $tm1A to 2)(go-to: "w1 add to my heap")]](if: $tm1A is 2)[She must be both clairvoyant and easily offended--a difficult combination of afflictions, surely--because she's gone before you can get a word out. You hear a [[clatter|tm1-A-end]] behind you.]

You spin to face the noise by reflex. At first it looks like nothing's [[there|tm1-A-end1]].

You spin to face it (link: "...")[and notice that within a particularly large peak of junk, two of the scrolling lights are not busted TVs. (link: "...")[[[Something in there|w1 garbage monster]] is looking out at you.]]

(if: $tm1Gift is "truly nothing")["I can tell that you really are lacking an item for trading, so I'll let it go this once, I don't think Boniface will be too upset with me for that."](else:)[The instant she has a hold of the thing she tosses it into her heap. "I'll think on that later."] (link: "...")[Like that your new friend has moved on. "Well then hi, new friend-o-mine! That reminds me. Do you remember that show //F*R*I*E*N*D*S//?" Answer her: A) [[Yes|tm2-A]] B) [[No|tm2-A]]]

It's like she hasn't heard you at all. "I feel bad because the place is such a mess. It's nice to be home though, right? (link: "...")["Truth: does this make me look fat?" She wafts the poncho, looking down at it. (link: "...")[She picks back up with her first question maybe: "I was so sad when they got cancelled! All that was left were my sons! Or, as I called them, my //suns//. "My older sun built this whole thing! "Here," she says. "As my new friend, you can have it." She reaches into her poncho and pulls out a yellow slip of paper. She sticks it out and gestures, clearly offering it to you. Do you want to: A) [[Take it|tm2-AA]] B) (link: "Politely decline")[(set: $tm1A to 2)(goto: "tm1-A")]]]

(if: ($inventory contains $parchment is false))[(set: $inventory to it + (a: $parchment))You take the slip of paper and put it away in the same movement. ]"Your turn! Ask me anything!" Ask any as many questions as you wish: A) "(if: (history:) contains "w1 minerva q6")[[[What I thought was that I'd be able to be anything|w1 minerva q9]]!"](else-if: (history:) contains "w1 minerva q1")[[[What the heck do you mean, 'this is my home' now|w1 minerva q6]]?"](else:)[[[Why'd you call this place my home|w1 minerva q1]]?"] B) (if: (history:) contains "w1 minerva q7")["[[I just met your sun|w1 minerva q10]]!"](else-if: (history:) contains "w1 minerva q2")["[[Instead he what|w1 minerva q7]]?"](else:)["[[Did you say your son built this|w1 minerva q2]]?"] C) (if: (history:) contains "w1 minerva q3")[You consider asking her how or why you recently saw a very misleading ad for this dumpster tundra, but given her sensitivity you think better of it.](else:)["[[What is this place|w1 minerva q3]]?"] D) "[[Who was your favorite of the //F*R*I*E*N*D*S//|w1 minerva q4]]?" E) "[[Is that the Collideascope over there|w1 minerva q5]]?"

"Instead he what?" "Well, look around! No sun! Hardly any sky for that matter! "What happened is that bastard Vastesthai over there got him." She points toward a particularly tall pile of junk in the western corner of the junkyard. (link: "...")[You wouldn't likely have been able to see it without prompting. Two of the lights flashing within the pile have pupils. The rest of whatever the monster is remains hidden. "The trick about him," she says, "is that he needs attention. If you hear a clatter out here, don't look. He's the only thing that makes noise unbidden. And if you give him your attention at his prompting you're cooked." [[<=|tm2-AA]]]

"Why'd you call this place my home?" you ask. A strange pulling around her mouth reveals countless little teeth. "Oh, honey. You don't know. "You live here now. This //is// your home." [[<=|tm2-AA]]

That is not what you wanted to hear. "What the heck do you mean, 'this is my home' now?" "It's INFINITUBE, honey! You're playing in infinity! "What'd you think? That infinity would end?" [[<=|tm2-AA]]

"Did you say your son built this? What does that mean?" "I said my sun--but oh yes, he did. Isn't that amazing? "Could've become anything he wanted, that one. Instead he-- "Did you hear that?" You didn't hear anything. [[<=|tm2-AA]]

"Who was your favorite of the //F*R*I*E*N*D*S//?" "Oh, that's easy. Monica. She was so sweet, wasn't she?" [[<=|tm2-AA]]

"I just met your sun!" "Oh ..." Her head drops and shakes aggressively. "No, that can't be right. My sun and I were thick as thieves. You should check your math on that one." [[<=|tm2-AA]]

You spy a buiding that could have been designed by the famous rapper/architect MC Escher in the distance. "Is that the Collideascope over there?" "I can't see over this heap. Lift me up onto you shoulders and I'll tell you." Do you: A) [[Ask more questions|tm2-AA]] B) [[Lift your new friend onto your shoulder|tm3-end]]

You give her a boost and she hops up onto your shoulders. "Yes!" she says. "Wow, it's really impressive, right?" "You must have dropped out somehow! "Here, I can help you get back I'd bet ..." (link: "...")[She looks north, shouts toward a lone, massive, knotted formation beneath a dark purple patch of sky. "Boniface, honey? Send a (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) [[crow|save-level-1]]]

This time you are greeted in the clutter-edified moorland beneath a giant tree of trees: the [[banyan|boniface tree]]. The sky's dark purple and getting darker.

(if: $pcCWN is "Dreamer")[''YOU ARE NOW A WINNER'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attWinner)) You chose to stand with the dream of America, and unbeknownst to you, Henry did too. You and Henry embrace. "Man, I'm glad we see eye to eye on this ... "For a minute there I thought you'd go over to the dark side. "Financial freedom is it. The only hope for Black folks. "And we need allies like you." (display: "dayEnder")](if: $pcCWN is "Waker")[''YOU ARE NOW A LOSER'' (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attLoser)) Oof. You'd just kind of assumed that Henry and you were on the same page. When you ask Henry about it, he gives you a straight answer: "Financial freedom is my only hope. I fully intend to get rich enough and powerful enough to never have to go through this shit again. That's for me and my family and my community, and if you don't understand that, then I don't know what to tell you. (display: "dayEnder")]

(link-reveal: "∞ ")[(link-reveal: "∞ ")[(link-reveal: "∞")[(goto: "best life 1")]]]

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''//PROJECTION//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 4 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

You manage to catch a glimpse of it before it attacks. (link: "...")[Another human shape--much bigger this time. Perhaps four times your size. Lacking a mouth and covered in scabs. And some of its scabs have mouths. Elsewhere the scabs ooze a viscus green liquid with a stench of waste. A liquid that itself transmogrifies, becomes heinous solids: A rotten salmon carcus, a clump of somone's hair, a cathode ray tube. (link: "...")[It's the scabs' mouths that eat you alive. ''SUBSCRIPTION CANCELLED'']]

1. The boy who believed that he was everyone did then live in the rectory of an Episcopalian Church on the corner of 29th and 5th called the Church of the Transmogrification. 2. And, fuck yeah dude, even as tiny human being person infant he made the best friend he would ever have: 3. The rector of that church, a fifty-something Lebanese-American man, whose great loves were History, Jesus' actual teachings, food, and talking. 4. And while others often found it difficult to get a word in edgewise when the rector got going, 5. the boy was still a human being person infant, and so he could not yet speak. 6. Their friendship was easy, and pure, and uncomplicated. 7. And because it was so, the forces gave this rector a one-time-only magical power to bestow the boy with a magical power. 8. All that was required of the rector was to baptise the boy while simultaneously himself announcing the baptismal vows, 9. which was no problem. 10. It went off without a hitch. 11. So it was that the boy was reborn in the name of the Loop. 12. And all of that was unequivocally good. [[<=|infinitome chapters 4, 5, & 6]]

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"So his name is Vastesthai ... what's your name?" (set: $mLearnedName to true)"Oh, me? Oh, you're a darling for asking ... it's been years since someone asked me my name." "I'm Minerva. "I'm the Goddess of Wisdom!" [[<=|tm2-AA]]

"What I thought was that I'd be able to be anything!" "You //can// be anything. But did you know that there's lots of kinds of anything? One kind of anything expands--another contracts!" [[<=|tm2-AA]]

(save-game: "level 1.2") INFINITUBE offers its deepest apologies for our recent technical difficulties. As a Subscriber, your time with us is our first priority. That's why the Tubes are happy to report that its systems are back on, your current progress has been recorded, and by clicking the arrow below, you'll begin your next Experience! (link: "=>")[(goto: "preloading")]

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(set: $return to (history:)'s last)''//VASTESTHAI//'' - //identifier// exchange value: -8 Tokens abilities: Inverts the Exchange Value of the sale total during Renewal, i.e. a positive value will become negative and vice versa. If a ''WHITE'' and a ''Vastesthai'' are held at the end of an Experience, they the White will be replaced by an additional ''Vastesthai'' Attribute. (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

[[pro-per]] [[pro-be]] [[pro-pos]] [[pro-obj]] [[pro-cas]] [[pro-very-cas]] [[pro-dim]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A PROJECTION OF A CHAMELEON'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "projection of a chameleon")) The light-borne reptile sees you seeing it, bends strange knee from branched tree to your shoulder. [[<=|z entrance]]

''YOU NOW HAVE A TROPE FOR A DAD'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "trope dad")) You'd pictured a shark-skin suit, gel-helmeted head. But the delegate before you looks like he could headline a horror movie called //Return of the Dads//: He's balding, sports an ill-fitting gray suit, an inconspicuous backpack, a walrus mustache. He's ... homely ... [[<=|wto delegate arrives]]

The delegate or the pig must have slipped this into your inventory while you were tangled up. You open the sealed note. (link: "...")[It reads: WE AT THE WORLD TRADE ORGANIZATION REALLY DIG YOUR STLYISH RESISTANCE, MALE AND/OR FEMALE PROTESTOR. WE WANT TO SUPPORT YOUR LARGER RESISTANCE EFFORTS BY MAKING YOU AN OFFER. IF YOU CEASE AND DESIST FROM ALL PROTEST-RELATED ACTIVITIES, WE WILL, IN TURN, IMMEDIATELY WIRE 10 TOKENS TO YOUR infinitube ACCOUNT. THIS MOST GENEROUS OFFER EXPIRES IN EXACTLY ONE CLICK. CLICK YES TO RECEIVE 10 TOKENS: A) (link: "Yes")[{ (set: $wtoAcceptOffer to true) (set: $inventory to it - (a: "[[envelope stamped WTO|wto blocker]]")) (set: $account to it + 10) (set: $pcAttributes to it + (a: $attTraitor)) (goto: "profile")}] B) (link: "No")[{ (set: $wtoAcceptOffer to false) (set: $inventory to it - (a: "[[envelope stamped WTO|wto blocker]]")) (set: $inventory to it + (a: "semen-crusted nude oil painting of president andrew jackson")) (goto: "wto inventory") }] PS, IF YOU REFUSE THIS OFFER, THIS LETTER WILL BE REPLACED BY A SEMEN-CRUSTED NUDE OIL PAINTING OF PRESIDENT ANDREW JACKSON, WHICH, AS YOU WELL KNOW, WILL GUARANTEE YOU A NON-TRIVIAL CREDIBILITY PENALTY IN YOUR HIPPIE COMMUNITY.]

''//TRAITOR//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

(goto: "wto delegate note")

(set: $wtoWearing to "gas mask") (goto: "wto tear gas")

Immediately you realize that you've stepped into an oblivion. Still, uncommonly sure of yourself, you walk southeast through an oblivion for what feels like a thousand years. And wouldn't ya know it? The world is round: You end up right back in good 'ol [[Ranier Square|wto duckworth]] '99 still locked in combat with the bloodthirsty orc hordes, still the evil wizards of finance trying their hands at a new spell.

''//JUDGED//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 0 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

(goto: "wto conclusion")

(if: $wtoAntifaQ is 1)[''THE ANTIFA CAT HAS SNATCHED THE GAS MASK WITHOUT AN ASK'' (set: $inventory to it - (a: $gasMask)) "Like a hero! Duh!" Quicker than the Flash: grasp and tug. "Some hero," the cat quips in place of a goodbye.](if: $wtoAntifaQ is 2)[''THE ANTIFA CAT HAS ASKED FOR THE GAS MASK''(set: $inventory to it - (a: $gasMask)) "Like I did a good job?" "Sure. Do me a favor wipe the mask down before you put it back where you found it." And you do just that before you haul ass to your next task.](if: $wtoAntifaQ is 3)[''THE ANTIFA CAT HAS THE GAS MASK BACK''(set: $inventory to it - (a: $gasMask)) "Like a phony." "Interesting," the cat says. "If we take your assumption as fact ... I guess ..." The cat doesn't move. "Yes ..." Their fingers snap and like that your protective cap is off your head--fixed to their belt. "Nothing on Earth is lie except the untrained eye." And that must mean goodbye because the cat is gone.](if: $wtoAntifaQ is 4)["They were just words, bro and/or sis." The anonymous force changes not an inch. "Correct." And like that, the cat's back to challenging the spread of global inequality.](if: $wtoAntifaQ is 5)["What the fuck is your problem?" The anonymous force changes not an inch. "I meant no offense. Simply taking your pulse." And like that, the cat's back to challenging the spread of global inequality.] (display: "dayEnder")

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(if: $pcGender is "male")[he](else-if: $pcGender is "female")[she](else:)[they]

(if: $pcGender is "trans")[are](else:)[is]

(if: $pcGender is "male")[his](else-if: $pcGender is "female")[her](else:)[their]

(if: $pcGender is "male")[him](else-if: $pcGender is "female")[her](else:)[them]

(if: $pcGender is "male")[guy](else-if: $pcGender is "female")[lady](else:)[non-binary person]

(if: $pcGender is "male")[dude](else-if: $pcGender is "female")[chick](else:)[queer]

(if: $pcGender is "male")[boy](else-if: $pcGender is "female")[girl](else:)[non-binary child]

(goto: "bonus experince result")

"Yeah okay great. Smile, you got past the Trial. Whatever whatever. Forever begins now; the future is in the past; impossible shapes, trapezoids, whatever. He leans in close. Starts whispering: (link: "...")["I got a little side action here, kid. Have I introduced myself, by the way? I'm Phinn. "You've already Renewed. Glad that's outta the way, right? Right? Hehe ... "You got $account Tokens in your account. (if: $account >= 2 is false)["Oh crap. Sorry, kid, I don't mean to embarrass you, but I forgot for a second that you're outta Tokens! "If you gotta little extra pocket change after the next Renewal and wanna make some real cash you come see your pal Phinn. "No harm no foul, right?" (link: "...")[Phinn puts his hand to your face. (link: "...")[There you are. (link: "...")[[[The hand annoints you|word from sponsor]].](else:)["I got a great offer for ya. For us, really ... We help each other out, right? We're pals; that's what pals do! "Slide a few Tokens my way, and I'll sliiiide you as many Free Rides on these friggin Tubes as you can endure right back. "Whaddaya say?" A) (if: $account >= 2)[(link: "Spend 2 Tokens for a Free Rides in a new Tube")[(set: $bonusExperienceSwtich to true)(set: $bonusExperienceType to "new")(set: $account to it - 2)(goto: "decider")]](else:)[Spend 2 tokens for a Bonus Experience in a new Tube] B) (if: $account >= 4)[(link: "Spend 4 tokens for a Bonus Experience in a randomly selected, previously-seen Tube")[(set: $bonusExperienceSwitch to true)(set: $bonusExperienceType to "random")(set: $account to it - 4)(goto: "decider")]](else:)[Spend 4 tokens for a Bonus Experience in a randomly selected, previously-seen Tube] C) (if: $account >= 6)[(link: "Spend 6 tokens for a Bonus Experience of your own choosing from a list of Tubes you'ven already been through")[(set: $bonusExperienceSwitch to true)(set: $bonusExperienceType to "pcChoice")(set: $account to it - 6)(goto: "decider")]](else:)[Spend 6 tokens for a Bonus Experience of your own choosing from a list of Tubes you'ven already been through] D) (link: "End Trial Experience")[ (link: "...")[Carny puts its hand to your face. (link: "...")[There you are. (link: "...")[[[The hand annoints you|word from sponsor]].]]]]]]]]]]] ] And as if that weren't enough ... "And see now ... I get to show you all these ways you can give 'em right back to the Tubes. (link: "...")["These are actually good deals, kid, if don't mind me saying 'cause ... "Well see, because you've already Renewed, you can ride these Bonus Experiences as long as you got Tokens to spare "And, listen close, kid, 'cause here's the important part: "''You've already renewed, so any Attributes earned from Bonus Experiences are basically money in the bank''"

''//Best//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

You [[jerk awake|b awake 2]].

"Look, bud, I get it. Life's not fair. You don't got enough Tokens and there's nothing I can do about it. You understand? (link: "...")["Whaddaya still doing here? Get." (link: "...")[''YOUR INFINITIUBE SUBSCRIPTION HAS BEEN CANCELLED'' (link: "PHINN")[(set: $loop to it - $loop)(goto: "Start")]]]

You pause to watch him for a moment. (link: "...")[His hands rest on his tum and grip something. (link: "...")[It's a mango. He's peeling it with his thumbs. (link: "...")[A mango in the prime of its life. The flesh is soft and visibly juicy, its sweet smell fills the air. (link: "...")["You just gonna stand there, kid, or are you gonna [[get on with it|co2 mango pop]]?"]]]]

The mango peeled, he pushes it into his featureless face as if he were inserting a coin into a slot. He stands. "You sure? You don't wanna ... oh, I dunno ... grope for meaning haphazardly in a desert of your own invention?" Before you can respond: "I'm joking, kid. You're alright. Subscription is 12 this time. Let's [[see what ya got|co-exchange]] ..."

(if: $bonTruth is true)["Good. That is a good sign," he says. "It suggests that you are taking your [[predicament|bo chapters 3 and 4]] seriosuly."](else-if: $bonTruth is false)["You lie." You hear a slight tension mount in the back of his throat. "That will be the last time you will lie to me--for your own sake. "You have to be serious now. You are in quite the [[predicament|bo chapters 3 and 4]]."](else-if: $bonTruth is "no")["You have tools available to you to know exactly who I am. That you have not taken the time to inspect the document Minerva gave you is proof you are not taking your [[predicament|bo chapters 3 and 4]] seriously."]

Well, you are beneath the banyan. The [[platypus|bo tree]] is its height.

You unfold the parchment. Read [[infinitome chapter 1]] Read [[infinitome chapter 2]] Read [[infinitome chapter 3]] [[<=|profile]]

Click [[sea|g2 taste]] to see.

[[Waste|g2 excuse]] to taste.

(live: 1s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence.")] (live: 1s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")] (live: 2s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence.")] (live: 2s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")] (live: 3s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")] (live: 3s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")] (live: 4s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")] (live: 4s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence") [[this dead bough|g2 stairs]]] (live: 5s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")] (live: 5s)[(either: "We are experiencing", "difficulties", "We will be", "a moment", "appearence")]

Another bright day in the wasteland brings with it another opportunity To lift yourself from the squalor of your circumstance And enjoy the heaven of your (link-reveal: "peers.")[ So you lift left leg to (link-reveal: "the dusty old basement steps")[ {(print: ("\n")) but alas(print: ("\n")) alack(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) a MAC in the back of the Ac(print: ("\n")) when greeted with pressure the stair} (link-reveal: "pops.")[ {(print: ("\n")) the roaches spray like champagne(print: ("\n")) onto you, and} [[come to know you|g2 roaches have]] in a manner few have.]]]

The roaches have: (live: 3s)[1. Your social security number] (live: 4s)[2. Your passport] (live: 5s)[3. Your bubblegum wrappers] (live: 6s)[4. Your speech impediment] (live: 7s)[5. Your couch] (live: 8s)[6. The recipe for Coca Cola] (live: 9s)[7. A pending lawsuit from Coca Cola] (live: 10s)[8. A really nasty attitude when you call them to share that you heard about the lawsuit, that you're sorry and wish them the best] (live: 11s)[9. Your friendship bracelet] (live: 12s)[10. An incredibly popular Coca Cola commercial] (live: 17s)[What the hecking heck! If you'da known all it took to get that Coca Cola dinero was to letta buncha homegrown--//homegrown//--roaches crawl up your butt, you'da climbed //that// mountain years ago! [[:D|boniface]]]

His bill is black and thick, and he looks down at you with stoic black eyes. (link: "...")["Do you know who I am?" His voice thrums like a distant jack hammer. Answer: A) (link-reveal: "Yes")[(if: (history:) contains "infinitome chapter 1")[(set: $bonTruth to true)(go-to: "bo first truth")](else:)[(set: $bonTruth to false)(go-to: "wl2ii-A")]] B) (link-reveal: "No")[(set: $bonTruth to "no")(go-to: "bo first truth")]]

"Let me introduce myself personally. I am (color: "#FF1493")[[[Boniface|infinitome chapter 1]]], the resident therapist and one true heir to this realm." He waves his webbed claws as he speaks. "I will answer all of your questions as best I can. "But first, tell me, have you yet found the third and fourth chapters of infinitome?" Answer: A) (link-reveal: "Yes")[(set: $bonTruth2 to false)(go-to: "bo truth 2")] B) (link-reveal: "No")[(set: $bonTruth2 to true)(go-to: "bo truth 2")]

(if: ($bonTruth is false) and ($bonTruth2 is false))["You are an idiot in addition to a liar! How could you possibly have the third and fourth chapters if I have them here, tucked away in my pouch?! "You are unworthy of my audience." You hadn't noticed them before, but there's a murder of crows haunting the diminishing sky. You notice them now because (link-reveal: "they're shaking to life.")[ [[They flood your vision like bath water|bo tall peak]].]](else-if: ($bonTruth2 is false))[(set: $inventory to it + (a: $parchment2))"Understand for once and all that I am that which cannot be decieved, and if you insult my attention with fabrications I will send you back to a place of my own determination. "I am going to give you this." A crow from the tree drops another roll of parchment at your feet. "But you must commit yourself to the truth as best you know it for the remainder of our time together." You put the parchment away.](else-if: $bonTruth2 is true)[(set: $inventory to it + (a: $parchment2))"Very good. I have already seen the facts of the situation of course, but what I needed to understand was your character." "Please have this." A crow from the tree drops another roll of parchment at your feet. "It contains the essences of this realm that not even I can fathom." You put the parchment away.] "Now you may [[ask me anything|bo questions]] you wish."

Boniface sits beneath the banyan tree. (if: (history:)'s last is "bo truth 2")[When he does the rhizomatic bough of the tree shakes, and you notice a network of black specs in the branches. They readjust, pick their feathers, and stuff their beaks back into their cloaks.](if: (history:) contains "bo truth 2")[ Engage: A) (if: (history:) contains "bo q3")["[[But he promised me a way out. Does this mean I will not be able to leave|bo q4]]?"](else-if: (history:) contains "bo q2")[[[Does this mean that I can trust the boy|bo q3]]?"](else-if: (history:) contains "bo q1")[[[Minerva didn't believe me when I told her|bo q2]]."](else:)[[[Tell him him you saw Charlie|bo q1]].] B) "(if: (history:) contains "bo q5")[[[Did the boy have any other avatars|bo q6]]](else:)[[[How'd you come to be the resident therapist|bo q5]]]?" C) "[[What's Phinn's story|bo q7]]?" D) "[[Why is this place called the Unicornucopia|bo q8]]?"]

In a blink you find yourself before a particularly large peak of rubbish. Within it a [[clatter|bo bad end]].

You peer within it (link: "...")[and notice that two of the scrolling lights are not busted TVs. (link: "...")[[[Something in there|bo garbage monster]] is looking out at you.]]

You manage to catch a glimpse of it before it attacks. (link: "...")[Another anthropomorph, a true wastrel in a ghillie suit itself composed of waste, perhaps four times your size. Lacking a mouth and covered in scabs. And some of its scabs have mouths. Elsewhere the scabs ooze a viscus green liquid with a stench of waste. A liquid that itself transmogrifies, becomes heinous solids: A rotten salmon carcus, a clump of somone's hair, a a computer disc. (link: "...")[It's the scabs' mouths that eat you alive. ''SUBSCRIPTION CANCELLED'']]

"You're so handsome, Sun! Here's what you have to know. A woman is like a fountain. The more you give to her, the more she overflows with(link-reveal: "--")[" "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I can't hear the TV!" Baby Trev. But that Charlie. Look at him, looking at the wall. (link: "...")[ You have an idea! "You know sometimes Darlene downstairs just has a bowl of cake batter for dinner. Want me to make you [[a bowl of cake batter|wmi-cake-batter]]?"]]

"Hooooooney? Remember what we said, okay? You can't stare into space like that. Think about it, okay? "Who do you know who stares into space like that?" (link: "...")["Dad." "That's right. So you know up-close and personal how awful it is to be trying to talk to someone nevermind have a conversation with someone who isn't there with you, right? (link: "...")["Nope. You're not going to sulk tonight, Charlie, okay? It's Friday!!" (link: "...")[You have an idea! "You know sometimes Darlene downstairs just has a bowl of cake batter for dinner. Want me to make you [[a bowl of cake batter|wmi-cake-batter]]?"]]]

You're one of the hardest working teachers in the Newburgh Enlarged City School District, and then you come home and have to come up with creative solutions for the hot house flower over here after having gotten him exactly what he wanted. (link: "...")[You drop the cake mix into the big teak bowl you inherited from your mother. (link: "...")[To make matters worse, last week at your sister's barbeque Charlie told your sister and your childhood friends that you now live in the ghetto--a statement that's just objectively not true--though the falsity of the statement is perhaps more abundantly clear to you than your sister because you're now in close proximity to an actual ghetto and she has never left Stamford for more than a Broadway show. Add to that your [[loser ex-husband|wmi-spiral-begins]] hasn't even been able to come up with the child support.]]

(if: $secondMeal is "cereal")[You tell Charlie to make himself some cereal, which you both know that he knows how to do, but then he just says okay and lies there sulking, so you get up and make him the cereal anyway.](if: $secondMeal is "eggs")[You're one of the hardest working teachers in the Newburgh Enlarged City School District, and then you come home and make eggs after giving the brat exactly what he wanted.] To make matters worse, last week at your sister's barbeque, Charlie told your sister and your childhood friends that you now live in the ghetto--a statement that's just objectively not true--though the falsity of the statement is perhaps more abundantly clear to you than your sister because you now share a school district with one of the most violent cities per capita on the eastern seaboard, and she has never left Stamford for more than a Broadway show. Add to that your [[loser ex husband|wmi-spiral-begins]] hasn't even been able to come up with the child support.

The Collideascope again; your six thousand reflections again; the hallways again. Where you going? A) (link: "North")[(set: $direction to "North")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] B) (link: "North-Northeast")[(set: $direction to "North-Northeast")(go-to: "co1")] C) (link: "Northeast")[(set: $direction to "Northeast")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] D) (link: "East-Northeast")[(set: $direction to "East-Northeast")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] E) (link: "East")[(set: $direction to "East")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] F) (link: "East-Southeast")[(set: $direction to "East-Southeast")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] G) (link: "Southeast")[(set: $direction to "Southeast")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] H) (link: "South-Southeast")[(set: $direction to "South-Southeast")(go-to: "co1")] I) (link: "South")[(set: $direction to "South")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] J) (link: "South-Southwest")[(set: $direction to "South-Southwest")(go-to: "co1")] K) (link: "Southwest")[(set: $direction to "Southwest")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] L) (link: "West-Southwest")[(set: $direction to "West-Southwest")(go-to: "co1")] M) (link: "West")[(set: $direction to "West")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] N) (link: "West-Northwest")[(set: $direction to "West-Northwest")(go-to: "co1")] O) (link: "Northwest")[(set: $direction to "Northwest")(go-to: "co3 spooky")] P) (link: "North-Northwest")[(set: $direction to "North-Northwest")(go-to: "co3 spooky")]

$direction it is. (link: "...")[But before you can lift left leg, a voice cracks on over loud speakers you'd not previously noticed. "It's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. The ghoooost of the boooooooooooy." (link: "...")[Now is that a spooky voice, or is every petunia a tea away from owning a pet tuna? (link: "...")[But spooky meaning fun, like you and me! "The Tubes have trapped meeeeee! "[[Fiiiiiiind me|co3-maze-begins]]! "Heal my tooormented sooouuuuull "to immediately become qualifed for a sweeeeeeeeet priiiiiiiize!"]]]

You're still in the central hub of the Collideascope. Do you still want to go $direction? A) (link: "North")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] B) (link: "North-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] C) (link: "Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] D) (link: "East-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] E) (link: "East")[(set: $mazeContinue to true) (set: $mazeFirst to "east") (go-to: "co3-maze")] F) (link: "East-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] G) (link: "Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] H) (link: "South-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] I) (link: "South")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] J) (link: "South-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] K) (link: "Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] L) (link: "West-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] M) (link: "West")[(set: $mazeContinue to true) (set: $mazeFirst to "west") (go-to: "co3-maze")] N) (link: "West-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] O) (link: "Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] P) (link: "North-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")]

(if: (history:)'s last is "co3-maze-begins")[(if: $mazeContinue is true)[(set: $mazeContinue to false)(goto: "maze-step-2")](else:)[(goto: "co3-maze-leave")]] (if: (history:)'s last is "maze-step-2")[(if: $mazeContinue is true)[(set: $mazeContinue to false)(goto: "maze-step-3")](else:)[(goto: "co3-maze-leave")]] (if: (history:)'s last is "maze-step-3")[(if: $mazeContinue is true)[(set: $mazeContinue to false)(goto: "maze-step-4")](else:)[(goto: "co3-maze-leave")]] (if: (history:)'s last is "maze-step-4")[(if: $mazeContinue is true)[(set: $mazeContinue to false)(go-to: "the actual dfw encounter")](else:)[(goto: "co3-maze-leave")]]

With all the gosh darn refractions and reflections and retractions and redactions blowing around in this here mirror conundrum castle hotel, you seem to a-plum forgot to scoot your boot around gosh begotten [[flute chute|co3 chute]]!

You walk down a mirror-lit corridor of shifting self-sames ... and don't drop out! Upon reaching its terminus, you're faced with another fly's eye of mirrors, and an identically-branching decision tree of potential passages. Go somewhere: A) (link: "North")[(set: $mazeContinue to true)(go-to: "co3-maze")] B) (link: "North-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] C) (link: "Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] D) (link: "East-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] E) (link: "East")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] F) (link: "East-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] G) (link: "Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] H) (link: "South-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] I) (link: "South")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] J) (link: "South-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] K) (link: "Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] L) (link: "West-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] M) (link: "West")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] N) (link: "West-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] O) (link: "Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] P) (link: "North-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")]

North is a stairway! Weird! You climb about a hundred mirrored steps that ascend to (link: "...")[a friggin' room full of mirrors. Go somewhere: A) (link: "North")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] B) (link: "North-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] C) (link: "Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] D) (link: "East-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] E) (link: "East")[(if: $mazeFirst is "west")[(set: $mazeContinue to true) (goto: "co3-maze")](else:)[(goto: "co3-maze")]] F) (link: "East-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] G) (link: "Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] H) (link: "South-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] I) (link: "South")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] J) (link: "South-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] K) (link: "Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] L) (link: "West-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] M) (link: "West")[(if: $mazeFirst is "east")[(set: $mazeContinue to true) (goto: "co3-maze")](else:)[(goto: "co3-maze")]] N) (link: "West-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] O) (link: "Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] P) (link: "North-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")]]

You make the left then (link: "wow")[ mirrors A) (link: "North")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] B) (link: "North-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] C) (link: "Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] D) (link: "East-Northeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] E) (link: "East")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] F) (link: "East-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] G) (link: "Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] H) (link: "South-Southeast")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] I) (link: "South")[(set: $mazeContinue to true)(go-to: "co3-maze")] J) (link: "South-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] K) (link: "Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] L) (link: "West-Southwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] M) (link: "West")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] N) (link: "West-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] O) (link: "Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")] P) (link: "North-Northwest")[(go-to: "co3-maze")]]

(link-reveal: "Oh")[ A fresh motif. More stairs, but all black, hungry-looking. [[You head down cautiously|dfw-black-stairs]].]

It drops you out at Phinn's feet. "Hey, kid. Don't worry about that. Nobody solves the maze puzzle. "If you wanna try again later there's a bunch a clues they give me to read to you if you wanna try again later, but, ya know, only if you're up to it. "Why don't we get to [[Renewal|co-exchange]], huh? It's 18 this time.

(live: 5s)[A ladder] (live: 10s)[With neither beginning] (live: 12s)[Nor end] (live: 18s)[Also lacks a middle] (live: 19s)[Halfway] (live: 21s)[To something or other] (live: 28s)[It's not much] (live: 31s)[But it's home] (live: 32s)[Right?] (live: 38s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 41s)[Right?] (live: 43s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 44s)[Right?] (live: 44s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 45s)[Right?] (live: 45s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 45s)[Right?] (live: 45s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 46s)[Right?] (live: 46s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 46s)[Right?] (live: 46s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 46s)[Right?] (live: 46s)[You're happy to be home] (live: 46s)[Right?] (live: 46s)[You're happy to be home] [[g3 carp]] (live: 46s)[(go-to: "g3 carp")]

chapter 2, v. 1-22 1. Lo, and yeah, the boy who believed that he was everyone did not spend the first five years of his life in a hospital or a house or in a pool or in the air, but the rectory of a church on 29th and 5th called the Church of the Transmogrification. 2. And and, oh yeah yeah, the godfather of the boy was also his baptismal priest, 3. a priest who had given the boy's father a place to live. 4. Four: dig: the boy's father had been an actor, and the Church of the Transmogrification's mission was to turn actors into real people or something along those lines. 5. Picture the baptism: the priest, a rotund bald lebanese anglophile, holding the boy out like a loaf of bread, 6. and then the priest there reciting the baptismal covenant but also answering his own questions? 7. Our human baby infant was baptised into a dang loop! 8. ~a scream from the back of the theater~ 9. Hey there, you at home, 10. old magic got you down? 11. Does your sacrament taste like cardboard; 12. has your temple gone mental; 13. does your prayer rug smell like old feet? 14. It's a brave new world out there, baby-- 15. shouldn't your magic match the drapes? 16. Take, for example, this new attraction we got over here in the infinitome--we call it: 17. Unicornacopia, 18. where it's bliss-mass every day of the year! 19. Or, if you're into more of the thinking man's magic, 21. how about this ritual of the infinite, 22. which is what the aforementioned human baby infant would go on to spend a lot of time talking about. [[vastesthai]] A prison keeping Vastesthai inside it. [[wl3-combat-smiling]] [[He's screaming like a factory explosion. "(link-reveal: "Ahe-ahehehe!")[ He really hates it in there!" Minerva is smiling and holding her stomach. Do you think it's funny? A) (link: "Yes")[(set: $schadenfreude to true)(goto: "wl3-combat-smiling")] B) (link: "No")[(set: $schadenfreude to false)(goto: "wl3-combat-smiling")]]] [[wl3-combat-prelim]] [[wl3-boniface]] [[wl3-vastesthai]] [[wl3-combat-begins]] [[vast-forgive]] [[v turn around]] [[v-look]] [[dead]] [[alive]] [[forgive]] [[spare]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

"What took you so long?! I've been waiting here for thirty minutes!" (link: "...")[It's Minerva, seated on Boniface's right shoulder. Behind them you can decipher a long, cleared runway of junk, nested between hilly dunes of detritus to its north and south. "Minerva, is that how we should address our champion? "You'll have to forgive her. She forgets that your victory will be ours as well--if and when you defeat the [[rubbish goblin|wl3-vast]], we will be able, with some effort on our parts, to restore the Unicornucopia to at least a serviceable level of dignity."]

"'The master approaches the battle gravely, with sorrow and great compassion, as if she were attending a funeral,'" Boniface rumbles. (if: $schadenfreude is true)["If you find the misery of one as broken as he a topic of frivolity, you might ask yourself how different you are from him."](if: $schadenfreude is false)["Yet another marker of your character, $pcFirstName. Those who find the misery of the broken to be a source of amusement are themselves broken."] (if: $inventory contains "an impossible desire")[When you collect the necessary seeds, you will return, and you will vanquish the beast. Vastesthai will be destroyed, wiped from the boy's castle in the sky. It will be a cause to celebrate, but also a cause to mourn. (if: $schadenfreude is true)[Are you capable of mourning?]](if: $seedCount >= 3)[When you collect what is at the end of the maze, you will return, and you will vanquish the beast. Vastesthai will be destroyed, wiped from the boy's castle in the sky. It will be a cause to celebrate, but also a cause to mourn. (if: $schadenfreude is true)[Do not deceive yourself with warm feeling.]] (link: "...")[[[The single crow from the top of the birdcage surrenders its post and marks your forehead with its ashes|preloading]].]

At the other end of the runway, perhaps fifty yards west, Boniface's crows form a chain-mail birdcage, a polka-dotted prison. "What the heck, Boniface! You told me to stand up for myself! But now when I do it I get chastised for it. Not nice." The enormous platypus turns his boulder head toward her slightly. "I'm sorry, Minerva. You are right and I am wrong." Meanwhile, in the distance, [[Vastesthai|v churns]] churns.

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[[<=|wl3-combat-prelim]] (set: $minervaCounter to it + 1)(if: ($bonifaceCounter is 1) and ($minervaCounter is 2))[](if: ($minervaCounter is 1) and ($bonifaceCounter is 1))[]

Vastesthai explodes up from beneath you, a (either: "busted toilet", "rusty ankle weight", "goat bone", "red stripe box", "clown wig") falling from his (either: "thigh", "neck", "tummy", "right index finger", "left ear") as he does. "GOSH DARN IT," he bellows. "I FORGOT TO MAKE NOISE FIRST. I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT!" You spy the wound near his crotch. Now's your chance! A) [[Shove the Collideascope into his wound|v dead]] B) [[Let him go|alive]]

Boniface's low bellow is a kind of war drum. "This is it. The moment of the return of the boy's vision to its princely divinity! "There are two facts of which you must remain cognizant during battle, $pcFirstName. "One: Vastesthai wears his four chief fantasies like a kind of armor around his wound. To see through Vastesthai's fantasies, you must wear the glasses. Once any one of the four fantasies is pierced, it will fall away, and you'll expose that quarter of his wound. "Two: Once all of the four fantasies have fallen away, activate the outer shell of my egg and press it into the wound. "I know what you are going to ask of course. Here is the truth: I know that you activate the egg by sacrificing an attribute to it, but the knowlesge of //which// attribute has not been revealed to me." [[<=|wl3-combat-prelim]]

Maybe the pacing isn't optional for Vastesthai. The waste he sweats drops from his form at such a rapid rate that if he were to stand still he himself would not have long before he were buried in it. It's incredibly intimidating. Even if it is necessary for his well-being, does he have to glare like that from his staticy television eyes with his scabs' mouths gnashing at the wind? Over his sternum you notice a circlular, painted metal plate cut into quarters. That must be his wound. [[<=|wl3-combat-prelim]]

(set: $vastListen to true)"... WELL I TELL YOU WHAT. HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO TO YOU. I'M GONNA DIVE INTO THESE HERE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT'RE BASICALLY MY DEAD SKIN CELLS AND IN WHICH I CAN SWIM UPSTREAM AND DOWN LIKE A GODDAMN TORNADO, AND I'M GONNA MAKE A BUNCH OF NOISE TO GET YOU TO LOOK AT ME AND WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME ... "BOY OH BOY. BOOOOOOOY OH BOY. YOU KNOW HOW MANY MOUTHS I HAVE ON ME? AT LEAST FIFTY MORE THAN YOU! "AND THEN ... YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT ELSE I'M GONNA DO?" Do you? A) [[Keep listening|v speech 2]] B) [[Dissociate|wl3-last-speech]]

(set: $vastDissociate to true)An elevator music of thoughts plays in your head. It's not always as pleasant a tune as it should be, but it does make the [[ride|wl3-last-speech]] go faster.

"... AND WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID (link: "...")[ "[[THE REALLY AND TRULY LAST THING I'M GONNA DO TO YOU IS|wl3-last-last-speech]] ..."]

"...[[BUT NOT BEFORE I|wl3-last-last-last-speech]] ..."

Fucking Vastesthai. He dived into the wasteland and began the [[combat|v battle]] while you were dissociating.

[[passSouthMost]] [[passNorthMost]] [[vastesthaiLocationTester]] (set: $inventory to (a:)) (set: $inventory to it + (a: "your best life")) (set: $combatCounter to 0) (set: $vastesthaiMovementDirection to "empty") (set: $combatRound to 0) (set: $dissociationReloader to 0) (set: $vastesthaiLocation to 10) (set: $vastesthaiMovementRange to (either: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 3, 3, 4, 4, 5)) {(set: $combat1 to (dm: "position", "passSouthMost", "val", 1, "pass", "[[most southerly combat runway spot|passSouthMost]]")) (set: $combat2 to (dm: "position", "passSouthSecondM", "val", 2, "pass", "[[second most southerly combat runway spot|passSouthSecondM]]")) (set: $combat3 to (dm: "position", "passSouthMiddle", "val", 3, "pass", "[[middle southern combat runway spot|passSouthMiddle]]")) (set: $combat4 to (dm: "position", "passSouthSecondL", "val", 4, "pass", "[[second least southerly combat runway spot|passSouthSecondL]]")) (set: $combat5 to (dm: "position", "passSouthLeast", "val", 5, "pass", "[[least southerly combat runway spot|passSouthLeast]]")) (set: $combat6 to (dm: "position", "passNorthLeast", "val", 6, "pass", "[[least northerly combat runway spot|passNorthLeast]]")) (set: $combat7 to (dm: "position", "passNorthSecondL", "val", 7, "pass", "[[second least northerly combat runway spot|passNorthSecondL]]")) (set: $combat8 to (dm: "position", "passNorthMiddle", "val", 8, "pass", "[[middle northerly combat runway spot|passNorthMiddle]]")) (set: $combat9 to (dm: "position", "passNorthSecondM]", "val", 9, "pass", "[[second most northerly combat runway spot|passNorthSecondM]]")) (set: $combat10 to (dm: "position", "passNorthMost", "val", 10, "pass", "[[most northerly combat runway spot|passNorthMost]]")) (set: $runway to (a: $combat1, $combat2, $combat3, $combat4, $combat5, $combat6, $combat7, $combat8, $combat9, $combat10)) }

{(set: $pcLocationNum to $combat1's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat1's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocation to $combat10's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat10's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $combatCounter to it + 1) (set: _passageReloader to $pcLocationStr) (if: ($combatCounter / 1 is 1) and ($combatRound is 0))[ (set: $vastesthaiMovementRange to (either: 7, 8, 9)) (set: $vastesthaiMovementDirection to "south") (set: $vastesthaiLocation to (it - $vastesthaiMovementRange)) (if: ($pcLocationNum - $vastesthaiLocation is 1) or ($vastesthaiLocation - $pcLocationNum is 1))[ (set: $pcVastProximity to 1) ] (if: $pcLocationNum is $vastesthaiLocation)[Vastesthai explodes up from beneath you, a busted toilet falling from his thigh as he does. It's quite startling. "GOSH DARN IT," he says. "I FORGOT TO MAKE NOISE FIRST. THAT'S SO LIKE ME." He immediately resubmerges. ] (if: ($pcVastProximity is 1))[] ] (if: ($pcLocation - $vastesthaiLocation is 2))[You hear a faint rumbling to the south. ] (if: ($vastesthaiLocation - $pcLocation is 2))[You hear a faint rumbling to the north. ]

{(set: $pcLocationNum to $combat2's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat2's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocationNum to $combat3's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat3's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocationNum to $combat4's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat4's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocationNum to $combat5's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat5's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocation to $combat6's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat6's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocation to $combat7's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat7's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocation to $combat8's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat8's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

{(set: $pcLocation to $combat9's val) (set: $pcLocationStr to $combat9's position) (display: "vastesthaiLocationTester")}

You pull out Forgiveness, which is a VERY advanced calulator with an equally as advanced Conscious Human Being inside it. "Hey, New User! Is there anything I can do for you at the moment?" You tell Forgiveness you want them to forgive Vastesthai. "No sweat!" Vastesthai immediately rises from the swing, seemingingly totally sedated, and hovers like a rotten angel before you. Inside Vastesthai's chest you spot something forgotten and strange. It's you of Outside Yourself fame! "Well that's a good sine-- "Sorry math humor. "Okay, serious from here on out! Try to remember that it's always easy to forgive if you can acknowledge that in our hearts, we're all the same. [[Vastesthai shakes]].

Linda, Baby Trev, and Charlie Sr are seated at a square, wooden dinner table. Linda and Charlie Sr sit opposite each other. Charlie Sr has a steak knife lifted in the air, poised to slam down into the table. Linda's stuck in a flinch. Across from Baby Trev, Phinn, also seated, is the only one of the four capable of movement. He slurps a derp of his dad's drink and then says, as if talking to the rest of the three: "So then I says, Yeah Bon-bon, I'll help you out. Just make sure the kid puts the presses the [[Tome|subscription indefinite]] against the Collideascope, got it?"

And suddenly Minerva is changing too-- She begins to grow, stetch-- She's Linda! This is [[Linda]]!

Linda is a beautiful woman. She looks over her teal glasses at you with radiance and conifidence and says: "Hiyya, $pcFirstName. Pleasure to make your acquaintance "I g0t this feeling that we've met before ..." And her eyes get caught by something behind you-- As she begins walking toward it-- "[[You finally decided to show up|vastbon]]," the self-serious platypus says.

He preempts you. "I was not my Best Life this day you might wager with impunity. "I had Vastesthai with my crows--you saw that much. "What I had not considered was that the wasteland was a vertile olympic swimming pool for that extinguished avatar of the avid fart! "Thinking I had him beat, I went to sit down, by the oak tree, as I am wont. "I heard a noise-- "But there could be no harm to it, right? "Alas, he pummeled me. "He was good if he got your attention. We have to give him that. That-- "And nothing else! Oh, joy is me! "Joy is me! "Ah-- "And look [[who|Phinn]] it is now!

"Phinn! What a pleasure it is to see you in the bright expanse again." Boniface has never been so bouyant. Phinn looks over to you. "Ahe. Hey, kid. Don't look so happy to see me. "I know what you're gonna ask, and here's the whole of it: It might be hard to believe, but the wasteland and the Unicorn aren't actually separate buidings, you know what I mean? "It's like one-a those impossible shape-type deals. "I just couldn't come out here cause ol' Yuk Mouth had something that belonged to me." Linda runs over. She's got a delivery, looks like. "[[Sun]]!"

"Oh yeah, I don't know if I ever got a chance to tell ya-- "I'm the boy's most recent avatar. You mighta known that. Did you know that?" Linda hands him the the object she was carrying, and you get a glance for the first time. It's really just a circular light. "Yeah, you know. So here's what you gotta know, know what I mean?" He pops this ball of light into his face as he once did the mango. Oddly enough he shrinks in size. But he also starts to glow. And an uncanny movement happens all over his body. It's not just that he can shift shapes, it seems; it's that he can be many things at once to many different people. "I'm in charge again. What does that mean, Linda? "It means that you are the alpha and omega, the maker and bringer of light, all things begotten through you and in you, Oh Sun! "That goes double for you, $pcFirstName. You got me? Say you got me. And you know the mistake you have made when you tell him you got him without opening your mouth. [[crow]]

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(if: $vTurnAround is false)[Past the last station of the combat runway, a public park's rusty swing set set ascant. You'll have to (link: "turn around")[{ (set: $vastSpot1 to (either: 1, 2, 3)) (set: $vastSpot2 to (either: 4, 5, 6)) (set: $vastSpot3 to (either: 7, 8, 9, 10)) (set: $vastAttacks to (a:)) (set: $vastAttacks to it + (a: $vastSpot1, $vastSpot2, $vastSpot3)) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to (a: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to it - $vastAttacks) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to (shuffled: ...$vastPossibleMistake)) (set: $vastMistake to $vastPossibleMistake's 1st) (set: $vTurnAround to true) (goto: "vast10")}].](else:)[The eastern-most portion of the runway again. Boniface and Minerva look on expectantly. You'll have to (link: "turn around")[{ (set: $vastSpot1 to (either: 1, 2, 3)) (set: $vastSpot2 to (either: 4, 5, 6)) (set: $vastSpot3 to (either: 7, 8, 9, 10)) (set: $vastAttacks to (a:)) (set: $vastAttacks to it + (a: $vastSpot1, $vastSpot2, $vastSpot3)) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to (a: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to it - $vastAttacks) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to (shuffled: ...$vastPossibleMistake)) (set: $vastMistake to $vastPossibleMistake's 1st) (set: $vTurnAround to true) (goto: "vast1")}].]

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You scan the expanse of the wasteland looking for a platypus as big as a tree. You actually see his oak tree. A few crows flapping around ... Minerva's heap ... But no Boniface. What the hell, Boniface? [[Probably better deal with Vastesthai yourself|v-yell]].

You don't even have to say anything--the moment you step up to the southernmost base of the combat runway, Vastesthai faces you, tin foil and hamburger wrappers and--hey, was that an unopened bag of Doritos that just fell off of him? (link: "...")["WHY YES WAS. BUT NO ONE WILL BE EATING IT, LEAST OF ALL YOU. BECAUSE I AM GOING TO EAT YOU WITH MY BUTT MOUTH!" (link: "...")[He already dived into the mountains of trash. You better [[get to it|vast1]].]]

(if: $vastSpot1 is 1)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 1)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Dodged a pretty amazingly incompetent monster that time! Whew! Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|v turn around]]](else:)[[[west|vast2]]].](else:)[Do you know if it's unhealthy to sniff these busted cathode ray tube TV sets? Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|v turn around]]](else:)[[[west|vast2]]].]

The ghillie-suited garbage goblin leaps from your feet, starts chompin' at your noggin, hollows you out like a gosh darn toboggan! (link: "...")[''SUBSCRIPTION CANCELLED'']

(if: (history:)'s last is "vast1")[(set: $vastSpot1 to "null") (goto: "vast1")] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast2")[(set: $vastSpot1 to "null") (goto: "vast2")] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast3")[(set: $vastSpot1 to "null") (goto: "vast3")] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast4")[(set: $vastSpot2 to "null") (goto: "vast4")] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast5")[(set: $vastSpot2 to "null") (goto: "vast5")] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast6")[(set: $vastSpot2 to "null") (goto: "vast6")] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast7")[(set: $vastSpot3 to "null") (goto: "vast7" )] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast8")[(set: $vastSpot3 to "null") (goto: "vast8" )] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast9")[(set: $vastSpot3 to "null") (goto: "vast9" )] (if: (history:)'s last is "vast10")[(set: $vastSpot3 to "null") (goto: "vast10")]

(if: $vastSpot1 is 2)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 2)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Dodged a pretty amazingly incompetent monster that time. No yeah but kudos, for sure. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast1]]](else:)[[[west|vast3]]].](else:)[A Mississippi Mud Pie of poopy diapers sings a song of stink. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast1]]](else:)[[[west|vast3]]].]

(if: $vastSpot1 is 3)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 3)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Dodged a pretty amazingly incompetent monster that time! Whew! Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast2]]](else:)[[[west|vast4]]].](else:)[Oh my god this pile of undulating pus is making your stomach grow fingernails. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast2]]](else:)[[[west|vast4]]].]

(if: $vastSpot2 is 4)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 4)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Do you think people like Vastesthai care when they get laughed at for being stupid? Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast3]]](else:)[[[west|vast5]]].](else:)[A hole. A couple pieces of wood with mushrooms growing on them. A battering ram. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast3]]](else:)[[[west|vast5]]].]

(if: $vastSpot2 is 5)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 5)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Do you think people like Vastesthai care when they get laughed at for being stupid? Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast4]]](else:)[[[west|vast6]]].](else:)[A couple old diaromas of the insides of whales. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast4]]](else:)[[[west|vast6]]].]

(if: $vastSpot2 is 6)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 6)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Do you think people like Vastesthai care when they get laughed at for being stupid? Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast5]]](else:)[[[west|vast7]]].](else:)[Not sure what this full operational holographic moose is going to accomplish on its own without other holograms to procreate with, but okay ... Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast5]]](else:)[[[west|vast7]]].]

(if: $vastSpot3 is 7)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 7)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[It's like //The Quiet World//. Did you see that? That one made by the last couple that's visibly tender with one another on the face of the planet? Yeah, it's exactly like that, but the opposite. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast6]]](else:)[[[west|vast8]]].](else:)[Someone has been putting all of the sharp objects in the wasteland into a pile marked THESE ARE VERY DANGEROUS! Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast6]]](else:)[[[west|vast8]]].]

(if: $vastSpot3 is 8)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 8)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[A house without a roof has more upside than Vastesthai's move. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast7]]](else:)[[[west|vast9]]].](else:)[Cartoon robots, olympic gold medalists' bongs. This empty cardboard box is the biggest empty cardboard box you've ever seen. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast7]]](else:)[[[west|vast9]]].]

(if: $vastSpot3 is 9)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 9)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[A monster who notifies you of your impending death and allows a swipe left. Imagine such a thing. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast8]]](else:)[[[west|vast10]]].](else:)[A medicine bag full of blood. Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast8]]](else:)[[[west|vast10]]].]

(if: $vastSpot3 is 10)[(display: "battle clatter")](else-if: $vastMistake is 3)[(display: "vast mistake")](else-if: (history:)'s last is "alive")[Nothing doing, garbage monster! Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast9]]](else:)[[[west|v turn around]]].](else:)[Squishy spaghetti noodle nosh with hard-boiled eggs and tinsel! Continue (if: $vTurnAround is true)[[[east|vast9]]](else:)[[[west|v turn around]]].]

vast becomes a [[garden]]

[[bon and minerva rejoice]]

[[finn comes outside]]

[[finn eats the star at the center of vast]]

this playthrough has eneded

(live: 1s)[Does your sacrament taste like cardboard?] (live: 3s)[Perhaps your prayer rug is musty from a few too many brushes with stinky feet?] (live: 5s)[Is meditation just a chore, bore, and/or a snore?] (live: 7s)[That temple MUST be mental, right?] (live: 9s)[Someone should have said good karma costs an arm and leg!] (live: 11s)[Whatever your worry, hurry down to ''Unicornucopia''] (live: 13s)[and ditch that old magic!] (live: 15s)[Trade-ins available for the latest in abotts, habits, lucky rabbit's feet, haptics, habitats, and a long line of other post-metaphysical treats.] (live: 19s)[But act fast!] (live: 21s)[Forever doesn't end;] (live: 23s)[the same //cannot// be said for] (live: 27s)[[[you|charlie 1]].]

(live: 1s)[Therapist walks into a bar.] (live: 3s)[Bartender says What can I get ya?] (live: 5s)[Therapist is silent for an hour, asks the bartender if she can do Monday at noon next time, taps //co-dependent, attachment trauma, possible BPD// into his tablet, and leaves with her night's wages.] (live: 9s)[//Recent double-blind thinkpieces suggest that 300 million Americans are exactly like the defenseless bartender depicted above.//] (live: 11s)[//If you're one of the silent majority who's tired of being exploited by "trained" mental health professionals, and you want to learn more about how you can use a simple, easy-to-use platform like WordPress or Blogger to dress your own psychic wounds,//] (live: 16s)[//visit prophetsfourprofit.com today.//] (live: 18s)[//No gimmicks, no frills.//] (live: 20s)[//Just the watchful, all-seeing eye of a self-proclaimed prophet who'll show you how the SAY, SAYance, and STUNT Program//] (live: 22s)[//can turn your own mouth//] (live: 24s)[//to a [[chaise lounge|charlie 2]].//]

(color: "yellow")[(live: 1s)[I guess that part's true at least. We're finite beings. No escaping--] (live: 3s)[Oh! You're here! Good. Quickly,]] (live: 3s)[[[follow me|s1 charlie 2]](color: "yellow")[.]]

(color: "yellow")[(live: 1s)[I have to admit something ...] (live: 3s)[I said that I was trapped inside the Tubes ...] (live: 4s)[I don't actually know if that's true. I'm either trapped inside and I can't get out, or I've been exiled and I can't get back in.] (live: 8s)[I can't tell. I'm very disoriented. I think the Tubes like it that way.] (live: 11s)[I can't tell.] (live: 13s)[I'm very disoriented.] (live: 15s)[I don't think I wanted the Tubes to be evil when I started, but it could be that I was evil and didn't know it.] (live: 18s)[That must be it.] (live: 20s)[Or maybe that's a trick too!] (live: 22s)[I remember feeling that I was very special, but I also remember feeling like I needed to prove it ...] (live: 24s)[that seems like a contradiction ...] (live: 26s)[foundation badly poured ...] (live: 28s)[you're on earth ...] (live: 30s)[no cure for that!] (live: 32s)[There was something I wanted to tell you ...] (live: 33s)[I'm sorry I put you in this situation. I'm going to try to find a way to get you out of here, but I need] (live: 35s)[(goto: "g2 blocker")]]

(live: 1s)[A jazzy clarinet recalls white guys with jerry curls while the 3D-animated, semi-transparent, rainbow-colored letters V, V, A, A, I, and N dance the screen mellifluously and land in the same order.] (live: 6s)[Too abruptly the showcard disappears revealing through a betacam Franklin and Tess Loogie, donning, respectively, Dubya and Herbert Walker masks. They're making out with such fervor a lesser face would break.] (live: 10s)[Their guest, Alonzo Mourning, sits south at the same beige L-shaped desk. Mr. Mourning clears his good throat.] (live: 13s)[They take their sweet time and let you know it. Eventually:] (live: 15s)[(They speak in unison, as always.) "I'M FRANKLIN/TESS LOOGIE WITH VVAAIN NEWS IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA. OUR GUEST TONIGHT IS SHOT-BLOCKER-TURNED-SOCIAL-CRITIC ALONZO MOURNING, WHOSE LATEST BOOK, //THE BOOK OF REVELATIONS ACCORDING TO ANDY// SAYS A LOTTA PRETENTIOUS SHIT ABOUT THAT OVER-QUOTED 'FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME' THING IN THE CONTEXT OF THE AGE OF SOCIAL MEDIA. WHAT IF EVERYONE OSTENSIBLY HAS THE TOOLS TO ACCESS FAME ALL THE TIME BLAH BLAH BLAH. CHECK IT OUT IF YOU WANT. I'LL ALSO BE DRESSED LIKE A SON/FATHER AND I MIGHT LET TESS FUCK ME/FUCK FRANKLIN IF YOU ASK NICELY."] (live: 23s)[Mr. Mourning quite impactfully looks through the camera at you and says, "The constant imperative to announce one's narrative does not, as many have argued, reify narcissitic projection, but rather shakes all narrative like a snow globe. Every one is every narrative; no one is any narrative. Identity disturbance creates a dysphoria that social media itself promises to resolve if you talk into it just //[[one more time|charlie 3]]//."]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(set: $infinityGauntlet to true)(color: "yellow")[(live: 1s)[''AN INFINITY GAUNTLET HAS BEEN ADDED TO YOUR PROFILE''] (live: 3s)[I think the Marvel movies are mostly okay but that's it.] (live: 5s)[What do you think?] (live: 7s)[Sorry, time again.] (live: 8s)[I got this idea from there, as you probably know. The Gauntlet I mean. The problem with them with the Gauntlet is that the stones make no sense! (live: 14s)[I'm one to talk, right?] (live: 16s)[The idea with the Tubes was a monument to the infinite ...] (live: 19s)[I wanted to praise something larger than myself. And the only thing larger than myself that makes sense to me is the number with all the numbers. That makes sense, right?] (live: 24s)[Well, no, I was wrong again.] (live: 26s)[I didn't understand the infinite at all.] (live: 28s)[Most infinite numbers have the same numbers that mess them up right there inside them!] (live: 31s)[Anyway ... here's this Gauntlet.] (live: 33s)[I don't know what's going to happen from here on out, but I've hidden stones in the Tubes now. Except my stones I like to think make sense. They're the ways humans can actually touch the infinite with.] (live: 39s)[Each of the stones I mean.](live: 41s)[(goto: "glitch 3 blocker")]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(color: "yellow")[(live: 1s)[Ow! Sorry, I stubbed my toe on the way over here.] (live: 3s)[This should work for now, but it'll cut me off soon so we have to ...] (live: 5s)[you know ...] (live: 7s)[sorry, I ...] (live: 9s)[Okay, I'm just going to tell you ...] (live: 11s)[I built this thing. My name's Charlie by the way. It started simply ... I wanted to tell the truth as I know it and put my skills to good use ...] (live: 16s)[But I was also in a lot of pain ... like ... psychic pain? Maybe you know what I mean ...] (live: 21s)[How are you by the way? ...] (live: 23s)[I get distracted easy, sorry, we don't have much time ...] (live: 26s)[I wanted those good things, but I wanted other things too? Not all them were bad ...] (live: 28s)[But one was ...] (live: 30s)[Crap, it's hard to admit this kinda ... I wanted to build something that made people bow or cower or something like that ...] (live: 33s)[At least I know it now, right?] (live: 35s)[Anyway ...] (live: 37s)[I'm just going to tell you ...] [(live: 39s)[I'm trapped in here now ...] (live: 41s)[I built a prison by accident.] (live: 43s)[I think you might be ...](live: 44s)[(goto: "glitch 1 blocker")]]]

(goto: "glitch 1")

(goto: "glitch 2.0")

''//DYLANN ROOF//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -10 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

"What is this place?" "This is the Unicornucopia!" [[<=|tm2-AA]]

Another bright day in the basement brings with it another opportunity To lift yourself from the squalor of your circumstance And enjoy the heaven of your (link-reveal: "peers.")[ So you lift left leg to (link-reveal: "the dusty old basement steps")[ {(print: ("\n")) but alas(print: ("\n")) alack(print: ("\n")) (print: ("\n")) a MAC in the back of the Ac(print: ("\n")) when greeted with pressure the stair} (link-reveal: "pops.")[ {(print: ("\n")) the roaches spray like champagne(print: ("\n")) onto you, and} [[come to know you|b roaches have]] in a manner few have.]]]

"I've met the boy who made this place. Twice now, actually." "That goes without saying, child. The boy haunts every inch of this realm as a zeitgeist haunts the "original" thinker. [[<=|bo questions]]

"Minerva didn't believe me when I told her." "I would not have expected her to. Minerva's position in this realm is unique, as her relationship with the boy was unique. She has incredible power, but it is a power born of anxiety, a cloying, demanding love, an intense fearfulness. "As you have probably gleaned, Minerva seeded me, the boy's avatar, on the night of his awakening. "So too did Minerva seed Vastesthai himself. "One day, while they were driving home from school, the one we call Minerva, the avatar of the boy's mother, described the father as a person whom, if she could pull the skin from his face, beneath she would find nothing but trash. "It was a terrible and violent description of the father--a description made all the more terrible by the large degree to which the boy found it to be true. "Minerva loves the boy deeply, and terribly. She cannot see that this place, his ruined imagination, is his labyrinth, which helped to populate with both Theseus and the minotaur." [[<=|bo questions]]

(if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[''YOU NOW HAVE THE CONTRADICTION STONE'' (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to it + (a: "contradiction stone")) ]"Does this mean that I can trust the boy? He said he would help me escape ..." "//Trust//. What's trust in a series of Tubes? Not even the floor is sacred--it will as likely drop out from under your very feet as morph into a cobra, drip venom through your soul. "The boy meant well, but his errors outnumber the stars--not all were stars, moreover. There were planets, blackholes, comets, satellites. Errors intellectual, emotional, spiritual, ephemeral, and permanent. "You cannot trust the boy, but please, do not think ill of him. He knows not what he does." (if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[[[=>|profile]]](else:)[[[<=|bo questions]]]

"But he promised me a way out. Does this mean I will not be able to leave?" "The boy who could not save himself promises to save others. What a story this would have been if wishes could be mixed with reality like cement with water. "But there may still be a way ..." [[<=|bo questions]]

"How'd you come to be the resident therapist?" "I ask that question myself everyday. I know the answer, of course, because where Minerva's gift is love, mine is knowledge. "I was the boy's avatar when the mother and father were joined in marriage. His function in that family unit was as a kind of psychosocial superindendent. He fixed running toilets, unclogged sinks, patched the drywall. But who can repair a badly poured foundation once it has set? "I was still his avatar when he penned infinitome. You'll find there an attitude of a therapist turned toward the cosmos." [[<=|bo questions]]

"Did the boy have any other avatars?" "None. I am Boniface the Good Monster. I am the resident therapist and one true heir to this realm. How could I be replaced if I can hardly be fathomed?" [[<=|bo questions]]

"What's Phinn's story?" "Phinn is a shiny, lazy, impulsive, self-indulgent dolt. He's the troll guarding the bridge and nothing else." [[<=|bo questions]]

"Why is this place called the Unicornucopia?" "This wasteland, the Unicornucopia, was meant to be a kind of theme park. A pleasant, carefree wonderland of all the world's spirits, ideas, affects joined by the word infinity. "Thusly, it has an exit somewhere. That location, of course, is currently disguised by the waste Vastesthai sheds. "If you wish to leave, you will need to engage the beast in ceremonial combat. "Minerva and I can aid you to this end. But we'll need time to develop the proper tool. "Are you willing to engage the Bad Monster?" Answer: A) (link: "Yes")[(set: $bEngage to true)(goto: "bo end")] B) (link: "No")[(set: $bEngage to false)(goto: "bo end")]

(if: $bEngage is true)["An answer revealing the full depth of your character. Good. You will need this resolve in the trials ahead.](else:)["Unfortunately, traveller, there is not another way. I hope for your sake that you can find your resolve before your final test.] "Until then, it is back to the Collideascope you must go. Worry not of its location I can send back by [[crow|save-level-2]]

(save-game: "level 2.2") INFINITUBE offers its deepest apologies for our recent technical difficulties. As a Subscriber, your time with us is our first priority. That's why the Tubes are happy to report that its systems are back on, your current progress has been recorded, and by clicking the arrow below, you'll begin your next Experience! (link: "=>")[(goto: "preloading")]

(live: 4s)[Well at least the lights look like candy.] (live: 10s)[Well at least the water is clear] (live: 10s)[of speedboats.] (live: 11s)[Bright avenues of gladness,] (live: 18s)[so trafficked by the pedestrians of the Lord,] (live: 24s)[spray us into Mercy] (live: 30s)[like a firefighter] (live: 34s)[extinguishing a seventies-era movie theater.] (live: 39s)[Said one to another:] (live: 44s)["Do you know if there are any people in that burning movie theater?"] (live: 50s)[Said the other:] (live: 56s)["Do you know if there are any dogs in that burning movie theater?] (live: 62s)["I can't find my dog."] (live: 68s)[Said the other:] (live: 74s)["What kind of dog is it?"] (live: 80s)["A hot dog."] (live: 91s)[ [[The crowd goes wild|w3 joke 1]]!]

(goto: "glitch broken 3") [[glitch broken 3]]

(live: 28s)[Knock Knock] (live: 8s)[Don't] (live: 37s)[Please] (live: 1s)[Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?] (live: 33s)[Take my wife] (live: 40s)[Banana] (live: 24s)[Guy walks into a bar] (live: 16s)[Says ow] (live: 45s)[(goto: "vastesthai")]

[[vastesthai]]

All of his mouths are screaming different profane threats. The net effect makes each of the mouths a little hard to hear, but there's a rumbling and a popping and a gurgling. A speaker soaked in water. You catch a few things: (link: "...")["... A GARDEN SNAKE TIED IN KNOT UNTYING ITSELF IN YOUR MOUTH ..." (link: "...")["... WHO COMES BY YOUR BED WHEN YOU SLEEP AND PAINTS TIGER STRIPES TO YOUR SKIN WITH HIS HUNTING KNIFE ..." (link: "...")["... A GLAD HANDING DANDY! A ''GLAD HANDING DANDY''!" "We recommend [[dissociating|v pc gift]]," Minerva and Boniface say in unison.]]]

''YOU NOW HAVE THE COLLIDEASCOPE'' (set: $inventory to it + (a: "collideascope")) "But you won't have to dissociate for long anyway!" Minerva sounds genuinely happy for you. "She is right," Boniface says. "Minerva is imbued with the power of all the boy's love. I have his knowledge. We have combined these two attributes, love and knowledge, to rescale the Collideascope." He hands you a chromatic mobius strip. Divets line its single side. "But there is still one thing [[you must do|v pc do]].

Boniface continues: "In a moment, you will face the beast. "When you have the opportunity, you must run the Collideascope through him. "This will not be hard. Look closely and you will see a gaping wound in his groin. "It will instantly force Vastesthai to contend with an entity he avoided all his life--the reality of another's imagination. "If my assumptions are correct, he will then have two options: Accept the pain he has caused to those closest to him, or reject the love and knowledge coursing through him. "If the former is the case, he and his effects will vaporize--if it is the latter, his form will suffer such shock that he will explode, and be no more." (link: "...")[Minerva pulls a big eyes. "Also. Don't forget! He thrives on attention! He wants your interest in him more than anything! If you can hear him but you can't see him, look away!" She goes somber. Boniface too. "There is nothing more we can do for you. Good luck." The crow cage kettling [[Vastesthai|v combat begins]] migrates.]

From the other side of the runway, Vastesthai begins to pace and (link-reveal: "shout.")[ "YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE VASTESTHAI, THE FIGHTER PILOT WHO ENLISTED IN THESE UNITED STATES' MARINE CORPS AS A TODDLER THEN SINGLE HANDEDLY SAVED AMERICA FROM LOSING ITS FAILURE VIRGINITY TO ITSELF DURING THE CIVIL WAR NOUVEAU; A FATHER BELOVED BY ALL OF THE CHILDREN, EVEN THOSE HE DIDN'T SIRE SIMPLY BECAUSE OF THE STELLAR EXAMPLE HE SETS AS BOTH A FIGURE OF PIETY AND AN UNREPENTANT LADIES' MAN; THE MOST SUCCESSFUL RAPPER SLASH BUSINESS MAN THE WORLD HAS EVEN KNOWN; AND THE SLAYER OF GRUBBY ATLANTIC CITY IRISH PIMPS THE WORLD OVER ..." He's really revving up. This could get ugly. Do you want to: A) [[Keep listening|wl3-vastesthai-speech]] B) [[Dissociate|wl3-vastesthai-no-speech]]]

(save-game: "level 3.2")You [[step into the combat runway|vast1]], where articles of trash catch your eye.{ (set: $vastSpot1 to (either: 1, 2, 3)) (set: $vastSpot2 to (either: 4, 5, 6)) (set: $vastSpot3 to (either: 7, 8, 9, 10)) (set: $vastAttacks to (a:)) (set: $vastAttacks to it + (a: $vastSpot1, $vastSpot2, $vastSpot3)) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to (a: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to it - $vastAttacks) (set: $vastPossibleMistake to (shuffled: ...$vastPossibleMistake)) (set: $vastMistake to $vastPossibleMistake's 1st) (set: $vTurnAround to false) }

You hear a clatter. Do you want to see what's making the noise? A) [[Yes|dead]] B) [[No|alive]]

"OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT IT FOR A SECOND ... "YOU'RE ALWAYS RUSHING ME! IF I JUST HAD A LITTLE TIME TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING CLEVER IT WOULD BE THE MOST CLEVER THING YOU EVER HEARD! "BUT NO! IT'S ALWAYS, 'VASTESTHAI, SAY THE MOST CLEVER THING I EVER HEARD, BUT DO IT RIGHT NOW WITHOUT GIVING IT ANY FORETHOUGHT! "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MADE THAT MAKES ME? "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES ME WANT TO DO TO YOU?" Choose: A) [[Keep listening|v speech 3]] B) [[Dissociate|wl3-last-speech]]

"IT MAKES ME WANT TO EAT YOUR TEETH! "IT MAKES ME WANT TO POP YOUR INTESTINES LIKE A CASSETTE TAPE! AND SLURP UP THOSE INTESTINES LIKE A PASTA! AND THEN ON THE OTHER END OF THE NOODLE WILL BE ONE OF MY OTHER MOUTHS! AND THOSE MOUTHS WILL KISS PATIONATELY! AND PURGE TRASH INTO EACH OTHER! AND I'LL EXPAND LIKE A WATER BALLOON! AND WHEN I BURST YOUR ONLY-PARTIALLY DIGESTED CORPSE WILL BE A REAL PAIN TO CLEAN UP! "IT MAKES ME WANT TO SLIP MY THUMBS BETWEEN BOTH SIDES OF YOUR RIBCAGE AND OPEN YOU CUPBOARD-STYLE, SEE YOUR VITAL ORGANS, AND COMPLAIN THAT THERE'S NOTHING GOOD TO EAT. "I'M GONNA KEEP GOING ..." It's involuntary at this point. You [[dissociate|wl3-last-last-last-speech]].

''//EUROCENTRIC//'' - //identifier// exchange value: 8 Tokens abilities: Increases value of all exchanged Attributes by 4 during Renewal. If a ''EUROCENTRIC'' and a ''WHITE'' are held at the end of an Experience, they will be replaced by the ''[[VASTESTHAI|passVastesthai]]'' Attribute. (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

The roaches have: (live: 3s)[1. Your social security number] (live: 4s)[2. Your passport] (live: 5s)[3. Your bubblegum wrappers] (live: 6s)[4. Your speech impediment] (live: 7s)[5. Your couch] (live: 8s)[6. The recipe for Coca Cola] (live: 9s)[7. A pending lawsuit from Coca Cola] (live: 10s)[8. A really nasty attitude when you call them to share that you heard about the lawsuit, that you're sorry and wish them the best] (live: 11s)[9. Your friendship bracelet] (live: 12s)[10. An incredibly popular Coca Cola commercial] (live: 17s)[Luckily, they have not managed to get their feelers on this [[banyan tree|boniface]]]

You unfold the parchment. Read [[infinitome chapter 4]] Read [[infinitome chapter 5]] Read [[infinitome chapter 6]] [[<=|profile]]

1. And the mother and the father and the boy and his brother eventually left the rectory 2. because the father was no longer an actor 3. that's why they'd lived in the rectory in the first place 4. the father was an actor, and the Church of the Transmogrifiction was a church dedicated to rehabilitating actors. 5. Yea, they moved out to a town in the Hudson Valley 6. and pursued a dream both unique to them and shared by everyone in their demographic. 7. The mother was quite flexible; she downshifted from a career in high-level retail to teaching 8. so that she could spend more time with the boys. 9. And the father, the idea was, would be the bread earner. 10. And lo: that was the problem. 11. For in his heart he was an actor, 12. his passion was to be looked at 13. and who looks at a man whose duty is to his family but his family? 14. And so his heart led him to mirrors 15. Name a mirror: standing mirrors, medicine cabinets, plate glass windows, rearview, 16. he could not tear himself from them. 17. He would mug in the mirror. Do faces, blue steel Brando, Eastwood, Boagart, flex. 18. Yea, it got nasty for those who had needs he could not see himself in. [[<=|infinitome chapters 4, 5, & 6]]

"You must add the chapters of the tome to the Collideascope in order to imbue it with the power of the boy's original vision, which is outside the scope of our abilities. "To do so, simply [[tap|v pc tap]] the parchments we have given you against it."

You do as the platypus instructs. Curved spokes appear in the center of the strip, [[binding its side|v collide]].

''YOUR SUBSCRIPTION IS NOW INDEFINITE'' (set: $subIndefinite to true) Congratulations! After a recent consoltation with everyone's favorite mascot, INFINITUBE is proud to inform you that your Subscription with us has been elevated to Indefinite staus. When you are ready, your free (link: "Trial Experience")[(set: $pcAttributes to it - $pcAttributes) (set: $inventory to it - $inventory) (set: $loop to 1) (set: $loading to 0)(goto: "loading") (set: $unseenMinimList to it - $unseenMinimList) (set: $seenMinimList to it - $seenMinimList)] will begin.

The base of the steps is black, but in a laquer or a gloss and reflects back a gentle light. (link: "...")[You cross the threshold of a black doorway into the wide open--not a room, really, but an expanse. A woosh of warm breeze, as if you had just stepped onto the beach on a summer night. (link: "...")[It's all enough to imagine you hear the sea churning in the dis(link: "--")[tance. The sea's not in the distance; it's beneath you. You're walking on water. (link: "...")[Above you, the Tubes themselves--it must be them--glow gently silver, white, and gold, and form complex, baroque knots in, and out, and between each other. They seem like a great tangle of the moon's own ivy, breathing and releasing dreams from their skin. (link: "...")["[[Thanks for coming and thereby saving my soul|dfw-greeting]]!"]]]]]

The ghost has [[appeared|dfw-face]].

Dizzy, [[you take a knee|dfw-knee]].

The ghost looks on sympathetically [[while you get your bearing|dfw-bearing]].

You mind feels like it's being washed with warm water. You know at least two things about this strange apparition that you can't really account for. (link-reveal: "1.")[ The ghost is David Foster Wallace. (link-reveal: "2.")[ [[David Foster Wallace has been embodied by an old, forgotten friend from the boy's past|dfw-angela]].]]

In her life, her name was Angela Hemingway. You know this because you know her-- You know her because upon seeing David Foster Wallace you gained the [[boy's memory of Angela|dfw-memory-angela]].

She was a peer of the boy's--they went to middle school together, and she was a tender friend when there was very little tenderness in his life. The boy eventually left their city, and during that time, when he asked after Angela he heard that she was having a hard go of it. It was a hard city, and Angela's gift was softness. Once, back in Newburgh for a weekend, though, [[he and Angela crossed paths again|dfw-speaks]].

Her face was acned, and she looked embarrassed, either to be seen with or by him, and the boy sensed that she was suffering immensely but had no idea how to step in or be a friend to her as she had been to him. They exchanged numbers, the boy called her twice, she didn't return the calls. [[That was that|dfw-speech]].

"The boy didn't trust me personally," David Foster Wallace says. Oh good. It's the older David Foster Wallace, who took on a quietness, a softness, in the years before his death. Still, it's David Foster Wallace, so prepare yourself for a lot of text. (link: "...")["Probably because--if you want to take like a psychobabble approach to the matter--I reminded him too much of his dad, not that that's really even fair. I don't think I'm anything like his dad. "Or it could be that, and you know, the boy would have been wise if this (i.e. the following) were the case, I really wasn't a very trustworthy human being. In a way I spent my life trying to communicate to everyone through the stuff I wrote that I was pretty fundamentally untrustworthy, which, you know, really, most people are to one degree or another except for the rare gems of people who actually have the herculean wherewithall to notice that they're slowly churning anything of actual consequence in their lives into a powder finer than dust, a powder lacking even dust's passion for procreation. (link: "...")[The reason why I "worked" though--and I do mean "worked" in the most meaningless, vapid sense--is that there's this weird paradoxical thing. "Everyone kind of knows that everyone is largely not capable of being relied on in any significant capacity, so in the end I netted an audience of mostly people like Charlie whom, because they were only required to engage with me at a distanced, impersonal level, could find me an ultimatly all-the-more //trustworthy// source of counsel precisely because I wasn't saying, 'Hey, here I am! Man of the Century! "That's the thing, right, about where you guys are in 2020. (You'll correctly note that my range of knowledge outstrips my 'mortal coil.'" He does a sarcastic shimmy. "I'm not supposed to be me, I'm supposed to be the boy's projection of me. I mean at a certain level, come on, I'm the ghost in the Unicorn, here, for crying outloud.) "(link-reveal: "Anyway.")[ I was saying something. "Right. Media. "Of course media. It's surprising that I had any audience at all. I couldn't get media out of my head, you know? It was all I thought about. "Stay to the main roads, David! It's just this: everyone is so goddamn pious. Everyone has hard dick and bubblegum to spare for an enemy because it's the enemy who somehow must deserve it because you, of course you, solemente tu, you have piercieved history fully, accurately, completely. "The spanish and the Jay-Z line above are also not like part of my go-to allusive utility belt, but you get it at this point or you don't get it and you're fine with it or you're at least trying to decide if you're fine with it, which, knowing him the way that Angela did, I suspect the last of the options I just listed would have sadly sent the boy for, excuse me, a loop. "The boy, again like many of us, really deeply wanted to be liked, admired, etc. "And but I think if the boy were here to like have an actual conversation on the matter he'd probably go a step further and accuse himself of the desire to actually be worshipped at some level, which, is maybe abnormal, right? I would probably say that I had that desire; I was a sick guy. "He trusted Angela personally and probably, no definitely, felt a sense of loss and yearning and maybe even a strange confluence of both white guilt and survivor's guilt toward her for how things seem to be turning out. So here she is. Say hi, Angela. (link: "...")[David Foster Wallace does a pretty bad, high-pitched imitation of a woman's voice. "[[Hi, Angela|dfw-infinite]]!"]]]]

(if: $infinityGauntletInventory is true)[''YOU NOW HAVE THE LOOP STONE'' (set: $infinityGauntletInventory to it + (a: "loop stone"))]"Cue the music, Phinny Baby!" A ghost with two hearts does a big, classic-movie-musical number, and you feel that you might be the saddest person the world. On your way to the stairs, Phinn, dressed in a tuxedo, shoves a party bag into your chest. Inside you find a free trial for an app that checks your heartbeat so that it can tell you what your feelings are. (if: $infinityGauntlet is true)[[[=>|profile]]](else:)["Let's do the [[Renewal|co-exchange]] thing now, huh?" Phinn says. It'll be 18 this time."]

"I know that at this point with most of the other mentor/companion figures you've met along the way there would be an opportunity to ask some questions. "But the truth is that although I really liked conversation in theory, empathy in theory, connection in theory, and so on, what I really liked was to think really hard and really privately and offer solutions that sounded rigorous and thoughtful and caked in sentiment but like also kind of urgent and rebellious and hip not because these solutions got me the attention I was craving--though that was part of it--but because when I spoke that way I would feel myself as something sweet and sad and pure and new. "The boy saw this impulse in me as a kind of aestheticized totalitarianism. He felt that I crush the possibility of reciprocity from an audience by rendering them as an abstraction and then conversing with that abstraction as though it were them. "And even I have to say that with a critical mind like that, it's no wonder that the boy was capable of building this amazing house of houses. I completely endorse this product, and I, David Foster Wallace, think that you should tell your friends about it, and then tell those friends to tell their friends, because hot dog does this thing work, or does this thing work! "[[And with all that being said|dfw-transmogrify]] ..."

1. In another life, mercy for all of them, even the father, 2. who had a host of traumas unattended 3. and who failed at everything he touched. 4. Mercy for the mother, who sought difficulty and found it, and who fought bravely for love 5. though her attachment style was anxious^^2^^. 6. Mercy for the younger brother, who, like Jason Batemans's character in //Arrested Development//, looks around at a collection of defective parts and must say Family. 7. Mercy for the boy, confused as a house decayed, wind blowing through his PETs. 8. Yet in another life, the mother flees with her two kids and settles in the first place she can afford. 9. She spills every cup she holds for the jitters 10. her keys are never found 11. the thought of her life makes her wail 12. while the father is on a cruise in the meditteranean sea. 13. In the first, all dreams are as true as wood, 14. and if you can think of something nice you can live there forever. [[<=|infinitome chapters 4, 5, & 6]]

1. The boy who believed he was everyone wrote 2. All things are infinite 3. heed not the words of the nihilists or buddhists who tell you that you will die 4. what is once, or one, can never be not or none 5. what is undone can be finished and vice versa. 6. All is perfect because it has what it lacks as lack. 7. And yea, what is not even one need not try for .5. 8. Fractions signify too, ya know? 9. The infinite is a number! 10. Hold it under your tongue 11. like a razor blind you'll later use to cut your bindings when the coast is clear! 12. The coast is clear! 13. The sun rises and sets with one step! 14. What is done is never undone, and vice versa! [[<=|infinitome chapters 4, 5, & 6]]

INFINITUBE is sad to see you go. Sign up again at any time.

''//LOSER//'' - //intangible// exchange value: -6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

''//WINNER//'' - //intangible// exchange value: 6 Tokens (if: (history:)'s last is "co-exchange")[[[<=|co-exchange]]](else:)[[[<=|profile]]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

design, story, script by Tom Charles Bair III [[wiki]] [[copyright]] [[acknowledgements]] [[<=|title]]

A companion wiki tracking the global history of the infinite will be available in mid-November, and was funded by the University of Pittsburgh's World History Center. [[<=|front matter]]

More people were involved in the making of INFINITUBE than I can name, but I'm grateful to all. Pat Healy in particular has been an inspiration and an incredible teammate. Eli Mattern too is a beacon of surreal light. Thanks to both of you for your community. The University of Pittsburgh's Writing Program let me make a game in place of a traditional MFA manuscript, so thanks to them. Zach Horton, Yona Harvey, and Bill Lychack were expert guides. Chris Klug from CMU gave great feedback as well. Thank you to Erin Anderson for some much-needed tough love. If any other department chair than Peter Trachtenberg were running the show, I probably would have been told to work on my novella. Thank you. Adela Kapuścińska was instrumental in the early-stage conceptualization of this game. Justin Richards provided some critical late-game feedback. Blockbuster Video would like to thank Hannah Eko, Ravi Patel, and Christopher Edward Bair for their donations. [[<=|front matter]]

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(if: ($ownsMasters is false) or ($ownsMasters is true))[(goto: "j-mike-jordan")](else:)[(goto: "j-shawn-bradley")]

(go-to: "mc recruitment")

You [[jerk awake|o1-AA-i]] again.