Leo Weinreb

Chapter 1 - Introduction and General Rules

[Rule for printing a parser error:

say "[italic type](The [latest parser error] happened.)[Roman type][line break]";

continue the activity.]

Thanking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "thank [someone]" or "tell [someone] thank you" or "tell [someone] thanks" as thanking.

Check thanking:

if the noun is not a person:

say "You can't thank something that's not animate - this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead;

else:

continue the action.

Carry out thanking:

say "[The noun] [if the noun is plural-named]ignore[else]ignores[end if] your gratitude.".

Instead of answering someone that "thanks":

try thanking the noun instead.

Instead of answering someone that "thank you":

try thanking the noun instead.

Instead of thanking Iolaus:

say "'Any time, Uncle Herc!' and he grins a mischevious grin."

Instead of thanking Eurystheus:

say "'Grovel if you mean it, twerp.'"

Instead of thanking Hippolyta:

if hippolyta-unconscious is true:

say "She's unconscious right now! She needs some kind of medicine." instead;

else:

say "'The pleasure was mine, young hero.'".

Instead of thanking Geryon:

say "'Yer welcome!'".

Instead of thanking Charon:

say "Charon looks stunned for a minute and then stammers out a weak 'Y-your welcome.' You get the impression that this is the first time he's ever been thanked for his services.".

Instead of thanking the Amazon warrior:

say "The warrior smiles slightly but gives no further reply.".

Instead of thanking a meaty person:

say "[The noun] lows softly and licks your fingers.".

Instead of thanking Diomedes:

say "Diomedes grunts but gives no further reply.".

Listing exits is an action out of world. Understand "list exits" and "exits" and "where are the exits" and "where exits" and "where are exits" and "list the exits" and "tell me where the exits are" and "tell me the exits" and "list exit" and "where is the exit" and "where is exit" and "where exit" and "tell me where the exit is" as listing exits.

Understand "inspect [something]" and "consult [something]" as examining.

Check listing exits:

if the player is in the City Palace:

say "The only exit you can see is west." instead;

else if the player is in a Labyrinth:

say "The Labyrinth winds and twists so much that you can't immediately determine the exits." instead;

else if the player is in a Dead End:

say "The Labyrinth winds and twists so much that you can't immediately determine the exit." instead;

else if the player is in the Minotaur's Room and the Minotaur is in the location:

say "The only exits you can see are northwest, up and down." instead;

else:

continue the action.

Definition: a direction (called thataway) is viable if the room thataway from the location is a room.

Carry out listing exits:

say "[if the number of adjacent rooms is greater than 1]The only exits you can see are [list of viable directions].[else]The only exit you can see is [list of viable directions].[end if]"

Greeting is an action applying to one thing. Understand "greet [something]" as greeting.

Carry out greeting:

if the noun is not a person:

say "You can only talk to something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead;

else:

try answering the noun that "hello" instead.

Understand the command "serve" as "give".

can't enter what's not enterable rule response (B) is "[regarding the noun][They're] not something [we] [can] (or would want to) sit down on.".

can't enter what's not enterable rule response (C) is "[regarding the noun][They're] not something [we] [can] (or would want to) lie down on.".

can't enter what's not enterable rule response (A) is "[regarding the noun][They're] not something [we] [can] (or would want to) stand on.".

can't enter what's not enterable rule response (D) is "[regarding the noun][They're] not something [we] [can] (or would need to) enter.".

Winning is an action applying to nothing. Understand "win" and "win the game" and "win this game" and "win game" as winning.

Carry out winning:

say "Yes yes, you're very clever, but you'll have to play the game in order to win it I'm afraid!"

Losing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "lose" and "lose the game" and "lose this game" and "lose game" as losing.

Carry out losing:

say "If the author has done his job right, it will be impossible to lose this game or get into a situation where it's unwinnable. Of course, that clearly won't stop you from trying!"

Believing is an action applying to one topic. Understand "believe [text]" and "become [text]" as believing.

Meeting is an action applying to one thing. Understand "meet [someone]" as meeting.

Check meeting:

if the noun is not a person:

say "You can't meet something that's not animate - this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead.

Carry out meeting:

try answering the noun that "hi" instead.

Understand "lose [something]" as dropping.

Check believing:

say "Easier said than done." instead.

Understand "get help" and "find help" and "request for help" and "request help" and "ask for help" and "please help" and "help menu" and "call for help" and "x hint" and "examine hint" and "look up hint" as asking for help.

Instead of answering yourself that a topic:

say "You mutter '[the topic understood]' to yourself."

Understand "grab [something]" and "get hold of [something]" and "reach for [something]" and "pocket [something]" as taking.

Meandering is an action applying to one topic. Understand "go [text]" and "walk [text]" and "run [text]" as meandering. Understand "meander [direction]" and "travel [direction]" and "move [direction]" and "proceed [direction]" and "go off [direction]" and "set off [direction]" and "journey [direction]" as going. Understand "meander [text]" and "travel [text]" and "move [text]" and "proceed [text]" and "go off [text]" and "set off [text]" and "journey [text]" as meandering.

Check meandering:

say "If you meant to go somewhere, you'll have to specify which compass direction to go in." instead.

Locating is an action applying to one topic. Understand "find [text]" and "locate [text]" and "look for [text]" and "search for [text]" as locating.

Check locating:

say "That's a great idea! Now how do you plan on doing that exactly?" instead.

Finding is an action applying to one thing. Understand "find [something]" and "locate [something]" and "look for [something]" and "search for [something]" as finding.

Check finding:

say "[They're] here already!" instead.

Being is an action applying to one topic. Understand "be [text]" as being.

Check being:

say "You can only be what you already are." instead.

Doing is an action applying to one topic. Understand "do [text]" as doing.

Check doing:

say "Sorry, I didn't understand that sentence." instead.

Wetting is an action applying to one thing. Understand "wet [something]" and "soak [something]" and "rinse [something]" and "drench [something]" as wetting. Understand "splash [something]" and "put water on [something]"as wetting.

Check wetting:

if the player carries the mop:

say "If you're planning on soaking something with the mop, you may as well just clean with it instead." instead;

else if the player is in Elis or the player is in the Gates of Hades or the player is in the Underworld or the player is in Lake Lerna or the player is in the Peloponnesian Shore or the player is in the Western Shore or the player is in Erytheia:

say "Now now, there'll be plenty of time to splash water on everything after you've finished your chores." instead;

else:

say "There's no water here!" instead.

Mopwetting is an action applying to two things. Understand "wet [something] with [something]" and "soak [something] with [something]" and "rinse [something] with [something]" and "drench [something] with [something]" as mopwetting. Understand "splash [something] with [something]" and "put water on [something] with [something]" as mopwetting.

Check mopwetting:

if the second noun is the mop:

try wetting the noun instead;

else:

if the player's command includes "wet":

say "I only understood you as far as wanting to wet [the noun]." instead;

else if the player's command includes "soak":

say "I only understood you as far as wanting to soak [the noun]." instead;

else if the player's command includes "rinse":

say "I only understood you as far as wanting to rinse [the noun]." instead;

else if the player's command includes "drench":

say "I only understood you as far as wanting to drench [the noun]." instead;

else if the player's command includes "splash":

say "I only understood you as far as wanting to splash [the noun]." instead;

else:

say "I only understood you as far as wanting to put water on [the noun]." instead.

Instead of wetting the mop:

say "Unnecessary, it's self-replenishing!"

quit the game rule response (A) is "So far you have scored [score] out of 12 points and achieved the rank of [rank].[paragraph break]Are you sure you want to quit? ".

Use MAX_VERBS of 500.

Whistling is an action applying to nothing. Understand "whistle" as whistling.

Carry out whistling:

say "You purse your lips together and blow, but no sound comes out. You've never been able to whistle properly. It's why you took choir as a child, so you could sing in lieu of whistling while you work."

Understand "check score" as requesting the score.

Dreaming is an action applying to nothing. Understand "dream" as dreaming.

Check dreaming:

if the player is not in Keryneia?:

say "Dreaming when you're awake is like sneezing with your eyes open - probably manageable, but pointless to try when you've got chores to attend to!" instead;

else:

continue the action.

Carry out dreaming:

say "A fluffy, hazy image of [one of]electric sheep[or]a sea of troubles[or]an undiscover'd country[or]a yellow brick road[or]a rabbit carrying a pocket watch[or]a red pill and a blue pill[purely at random] drifts through your mind."

can't push unpushable things rule response (A) is "You find that a very silly idea and think it best not to entertain it any longer.".

block pushing in directions rule response (A) is "You find that a very silly idea and think it best not to entertain it any longer.".

Understand "lie in [something]" as entering.

Spitting is an action applying to one thing. Understand "spit on [something]" and "spit in [something]" as spitting.

Check spitting:

if the noun is the shit:

say "No, you wouldn't, even into the spittoon. You don't want to add to the filth!" instead;

else:

continue the action.

Report spitting:

say "Absolutely not! You're not a barbarian!"

Understand "rest" and "doze" and "doze off" as sleeping.

Understand the commands "question" and "interrogate" as "ask".

Pointing is an action applying to one visible thing. Understand "point at [something]" or "indicate [something]" or "point out [something]" as pointing.

Report pointing:

say "No, it's rude to point. You're not a barbarian!"

Cooking is an action applying to one topic. Understand "cook [text]" and "bake [text]" and "fry [text]" and "sear [text]" and "broil [text]" and "boil [text]" as cooking.

Report cooking:

say "You're not a chef or a baker or a drug manufacturer, so you can't cook anything."

Painting is an action applying to one topic. Understand "paint [text]" and "draw [text]" and "write [text]" and "perform [text]" and "mold [text]" as painting.

Report painting:

say "You're no artist of any kind, and besides, you have none of the proper tools."

Painting nothing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "paint" and "draw" and "write" and "perform" and "mold" as painting.

Report painting nothing:

say "You're no artist of any kind, and besides, you have none of the proper tools."

Understand "lick [something]" as tasting.

block drinking rule response (A) is "You can't drink [regarding the noun][those]!".

Instead of drinking the bottle of benadryl:

say "Your Benadryl comes in tablet form, not liquid."

can't eat unless edible rule response (A) is "You can't eat [regarding the noun][those]!".

can't take scenery rule response (A) is "What, do you think you're super strong or something?".

can't take what's fixed in place rule response (A) is "What, do you think you're super strong or something?".

Understand the commands "punch" and "kick" as something new.

Punching is an action applying to one thing. Understand "punch [something]" and "slap [something]" and "kick [something]" and "smack [something]" as punching.

Report punching:

say "With these muscles? Hah! That wouldn't do anything except trigger your asthma."

report jumping rule response (A) is "You jump, twirl around, and nearly trip over your two left feet.".

Understand "dance" and "twirl" and "leap" and "swirl" and "bounce" and "prance" as jumping.

Understand "acne" and "limbs" and "muscles" and "face" and "legs" and "arms" and "body" as yourself.

Wheezing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "wheeze" and "gasp" and "cough" and "burp" and "get sick" and "get dizzy" and "sneeze" and "break out in hives" as wheezing.

Report wheezing:

say "Yes, you're pretty much already doing that involuntarily."

Understand the command "wave" as something new.

Waving hello is an action applying to nothing. Understand "wave" and "wave hand" and "wave hands" as waving hello.

Instead of waving hello:

say "You wave.".

Shaking is an action applying to one carried thing. Understand "wave [something preferably held]" and "shake [something preferably held]" and "wave [something preferably held] around" as shaking.

Check shaking:

if the noun is the flag:

if the feral pig is in the location:

try throwing the flag at the feral pig instead;

else:

say "Waving the white flag of surrender already, are you?" instead;

else:

say "You wave [the noun] around for a little while and begin to feel foolish." instead.

Calling is an action applying to one topic. Understand "call [text]" and "phone [text]" and "telephone [text]" as calling.

Check calling:

say "You have no telephone, since this game is set in ancient Greece." instead.

Using is an action applying to one thing. Understand "use [something]" as using.

Check using:

say "The verb 'use' is too general for me to understand. What are you trying to do specifically?" instead.

Understand "see" as looking.

block buying rule response (A) is "Nobody is selling [those]!".

block saying sorry rule response (A) is "Oh, no need to apologize!".

Instead of swinging the forest trees:

say "Are you Tarzan? No, I thought not.".

Instead of cutting:

if the noun is the roses:

say "Well they're already detached from the ground, but you could try cutting them you suppose." instead;

else:

say "That's not a plant you can prune." instead.

Check smelling:

if the noun is a person:

say "No, that would be very rude indeed. You're not a barbarian!" instead;

else:

say "It's weird to go around sniffing things randomly." instead.

Instead of waking yourself:

try waking up instead.

block waking up rule response (A) is "You pinch yourself. Ouch! But clearly, this is not a dream.".

Instead of squeezing something:

try pushing the noun instead.

can't search unless container or supporter rule response (A) is "Are you a TSA agent? No, I thought not. Examining is sufficient for your purposes.".

Instead of consulting something about anything:

if the noun is a person:

try asking the noun about anything instead;

else:

say "The [noun] isn't an encyclopedia, you can't look things up in it." instead.

Instead of thinking:

say "Of course! It's what you do best." instead.

Building is an action applying to one topic. Understand "build [text]" and "make [text]" and "create [text]" as building.

Check building:

say "You're not an engineer! If you want to make something, you'll have to go step-by-step and use more specific verbs." instead.

Making is an action applying to nothing. Understand "make" and "build" as making.

Check making:

say "What do you want to build?" instead.

Crying is an action applying to nothing. Understand "cry" and "wail" and "sob" and "break down" and "weep" as crying.

Check crying:

try dying instead.

Panicking is an action applying to nothing. Understand "panic" and "sweat" and "be afraid" and "fear" and "get fearful" and "get afraid" and "be fearful" and "have a panic attack" and "shiver with fear" as panicking.

Report panicking:

say "In the wise words of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, 'Don't Panic!'"

Relaxing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "relax" and "calm down" and "breathe" and "calm" and "quiet" and "quiet down" and "pipe down" and "meditate" and "don't panic" and "do not panic" and "grow a pair" as relaxing.

Report relaxing:

say "You try to calm down but, as is often the case, somehow make yourself more anxious in the process."

Growing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "grow" as growing.

Carry out growing:

say "Easier said than done."

Skiing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "ski" and "skate" and "snowboard" as skiing.

Check skiing:

if the player is in Mount Erymanthos:

say "You don't have the proper equipment." instead;

else:

say "This isn't the proper terrain for that." instead.

Rolling is an action applying to nothing. Understand "roll" and "roll down hill" and "roll down mountain" as rolling.

Check rolling:

if the player is in Mount Erymanthos:

say "In addition to a possibly life-threatening number of scrapes and bruises, that would probably give you a nasty case of vertigo." instead;

else:

say "There's no incline to roll down here." instead.

Sighing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "sigh" and "give up" and "ugh" and "argh" and "jeez" and "jesus christ" as sighing.

Report sighing:

say "I'm sorry you're frustrated, but try not to despair!"

Stopping is an action applying to nothing. Understand "stop" and "stop moving" and "halt" and "cease" and "stand still" as stopping.

Check stopping:

say "You haven't done anything!" instead.

Use American dialect.

Rule for printing a parser error when the latest parser error is the can't see any such thing error:

say "You clean your spectacles just to make sure, but you can't see any such thing." instead.

Rule for printing a parser error when the latest parser error is the not a verb I recognise error:

say "There are a lot of verbs I understand, but that's not one of them." instead.

Rule for printing a parser error when the latest parser error is the I beg your pardon error:

say "What did you want to do?" instead.

Rule for printing a parser error when the latest parser error is the didn't understand error:

say "Sorry, I didn't understand that sentence." instead.

Understand "hear" as listening.

Check listening:

if a beastly person is in the location:

say "You hear nothing unexpected other than the terrifying [if Ladon is in the location or the lion is in the location or the Minotaur is in the location]roars[else if the player is in the Gates of Hades]growls[else if the feral pig is in the location]squeals[else]screeches[end if] of the monster[if a beastly person in the location is plural-named]s[else][end if] in front of you.[if the player is in the Garden of the Hesperides][line break]Oh, and that strange ethereal hum coming from the mouth of the cave to the northeast.[end if]" instead;

else:

say "You hear nothing unexpected other than some slight tinnitus in your left ear.[if the player is in the Garden of the Hesperides][line break]Oh, and that strange ethereal hum coming from the mouth of the cave to the northeast.[end if]" instead

Check pulling something:

try pushing the noun instead.

Singing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "sing" and "croon" and "belt" as singing.

Report singing:

say "You begin to belt out an ancient tune your mother used to sing to you when you were small:[paragraph break][italic type]I will find my way[line break]I can go the distance[line break]I'll be there someday[line break]If I can be strong[line break]I know every mile[line break]Will be worth my while[line break]I would go most anywhere[line break]To feel like I belong[paragraph break][Roman type]A little cheesy perhaps, but you've always gotten the strange sense that these lyrics were written specifically with you in mind."

Celebrating is an action applying to nothing. Understand "whoop" and "hooray" and "yay" and "yippee" and "wahoo" and "woohoo" and "woo" and "celebrate" and "play" and "rock out" and "have fun" and "party" and "laugh" and "cheer" and "lol" and "lmao" and "rofl" and "roflmao" and "lmbo" and "roflmbo" and "smile" as celebrating.

After reading a command:

remove exclamation points.

After reading a command:

if the player's command includes "spectacles":

say "There's no need to refer to your spectacles.";

reject the player's command.

After reading a command:

if the player's command includes "glasses":

say "There's no need to refer to your spectacles.";

reject the player's command.

Report celebrating:

say "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself!".

Understand the command "shout" as something new.

Yelling is an action applying to nothing. Understand "yell" and "yelp" and "howl" and "bellow" and "shout" and "scream" and "shriek" and "roar" and "call out" and "call" as yelling.

Check yelling:

if the player is in Amazonia and hippolyta-unconscious is true:

try waking Hippolyta instead;

else if the player is in Nemea and the lion is in Nemea and lion-bottle is true:

say "Shh! The lion sleeps tonight!" instead;

else:

continue the action.

Report yelling:

say "A difficult feat when you're constantly asthmatic, but you manage it. You have now started to develop a sore throat."

After printing the name of a meaty thing while listing contents of yourself:

say " (being led along by a piece of rope attached to the beast)".

Swearing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "fuck" and "shit" and "motherfucker" and "motherfuckers" and "cocksucker" and "cocksuckers" and "bitch" and "bitches" and "cunt" and "cunts" and "ass" and "assholes" and "asses" and "Oedipus" and "piss" and "fucker" and "fucking asshole" and "asshole" and "bloody hell" and "hell" and "Hades" and "fucking hell" and "bullshit" as swearing.

Report swearing:

say "You hear some annoyed rumblings of thunder off in the distance, as if your father Zeus had just told you to watch your language."

Hiding is an action applying to nothing. Understand "hide" as hiding.

Check hiding:

if Ladon is in the location:

say "Ladon the dragon certainly qualifies as one of the most frightening animals you've ever encountered (your knees are buckling so badly you fear they'll fall off), but unfortunately, there's nowhere to hide." instead;

else if the hydra is in the location:

say "The hydra is without a doubt the most terrifying monster you've ever seen. You're nearly crying with fear and panic, but unfortunately, there's nowhere to hide." instead.

Report hiding:

say "Despite your meek appearance and numerous phobias, you are not a coward. You are resolved to face your tasks head-on like any true hero should, unless they're really really REALLY scary."

Rule for printing a parser error when the latest parser error is the can only do that to something animate error:

say "You can only do that to something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!".

Rule for printing a parser error when the latest parser error is the can't talk to inanimate things error: say "You can only talk to something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!"

Talking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "talk to [something]" and "speak to [something]" and "talk [something]" as talking.

Check talking:

if the noun is a person:

continue the action;

else:

say "You can only do that to something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead.

Carry out talking:

say "[italic type]Author's Note: In order to talk to people, try saying something specific like 'ask/tell SOMEONE about SOMETHING' or 'show/give SOMETHING to SOMEONE' or 'ask SOMEONE for SOMETHING' or 'SOMEONE, go east.'[Roman type][line break]".

Odysseusing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "odysseus" and "ulysses" as odysseusing.

Carry out odysseusing:

say "Isn't he a sailor?"

Perseusing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "perseus" as perseusing.

Carry out perseusing:

say "Isn't he an executioner?"

Orpheusing is an action applying to nothing. Understand "orpheus" as orpheusing.

Carry out orpheusing:

say "Isn't he a musician?"

Xyzzying is an action applying to nothing. Understand "xyzzy" and "plugh" and "say plugh" and "say xyzzy" as Xyzzying.

Check Xyzzying:

if the player is in a Labyrinth or the player is in the Minotaur's Room or the player is in the Troll Room or the player is in the Grating Room or the player is in the Treasure Room or the player is in the Strange Hallway:

say "There is a loud *pop* and you suddenly find yourself in...";

move the player to Crete;

if the player carries a useless thing:

now all carried useless things are in the lost-and-found box;

say "A small cleaning robot zips into view from the west and collects all the useless items you retrieved from the Labyrinth. Then it zips off to the west again, presumably to deposit them back in the lost-and-found box.";

else if the player is in a Dead End:

say "There is a loud *pop* and you suddenly find yourself in...";

move the player to Crete;

if the player carries a useless thing:

now all carried useless things are in the lost-and-found box;

else:

say "There is a loud *pop* but nothing else happens."

Check waking someone:

if the noun is the lion and lion-bottle is true:

say "No, you don't want to wake him. It appears that the lion will sleep tonight." instead;

else if the noun is Hippolyta and hippolyta-unconscious is true:

say "If the Amazon warrior can't wake her with her constant shouts in between furious chest compressions, you doubt anything YOU'D try to do would make a difference. Unless you can figure out some way to make some medicine, fast." instead;

else:

say "It appears [the noun] [are] already awake." instead.

Understand "capture [something]" and "lift [something]" as taking.

Instead of tasting anything:

try eating the noun instead.

Check rubbing something:

if the noun is a person:

continue the action;

else:

say "It's not a genie's lamp." instead.

A person can be frenetic or static. A person is usually static. Ladon and the feral pig and the golden hind and some Stymphalian birds and some carnivorous horses and the lion and the Minotaur are frenetic.

A person can be important or unimportant. A person is usually unimportant. Diomedes and Cerberus and Charon and Eurystheus and some spirits are important.

Rule for printing inventory details of the bottle of Benadryl:

stop.

Rule for printing room description details of the desk:

stop.

Rule for printing room description details of the wastebasket:

stop.

Instead of giving the bottle of Benadryl to someone:

if the second noun is the hydra:

say "There are too many heads and drugging each one would just make it mad.";

else if the second noun is frenetic:

say "You try to toss some pills [if the second noun is plural-named]their[else if the second noun is a woman]her[else]his[end if] way but [the second noun] [if the second noun is plural-named]are[else]is[end if] moving around too much so you can't get near enough to drug [if the second noun is plural-named]them[else if the second noun is a woman]her[else]him[end if].";

else if the second noun is important:

say "If you tried to drug [the second noun] you'd probably get arrested!";

else if the second noun is Hippolyta:

if hippolyta-unconscious is true:

say "She's already unconscious!";

else:

continue the action;

else if the second noun is yourself:

try eating the bottle of Benadryl instead;

else:

say "You don't want to put [the second noun] to sleep![if the second noun is Hippolyta] Besides, you'd probably get arrested if you tried.[end if]".

Instead of taking the bottle of Benadryl:

if the player carries the bottle of Benadryl:

try eating the bottle of Benadryl instead;

else:

continue the action.

Drugging it with is an action applying to two things. Understand "drug [something] with [something]" as drugging it with.

Check drugging it with:

if the noun is not a person:

say "You can only drug something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead;

else if the second noun is the bottle of Benadryl:

try giving the bottle of Benadryl to the noun instead;

else:

say "You can't drug someone with that!" instead.

Does the player mean drugging something with the bottle of Benadryl:

it is very likely.

Persuasion rule for asking people to try doing something:

if the person asked is the lion and lion-bottle is true:

say "The lion, being fast asleep, has no choice but to ignore you.";

else if the person asked is Hippolyta and hippolyta-unconscious is true:

say "Hippolyta, being unconscious, has no choice but to ignore you.";

else:

say "Like all good heroes (or wannabe heroes), you command no servants or followers, being merely a pure-hearted servant of the people yourself. So [the person asked] rightly [if the person asked is plural-named]disregard[else]disregards[end if] your flippant request.";

persuasion fails.

block answering rule response (A) is "[The noun] look[if the noun is not plural-named]s[end if] at you quizzically, not quite understanding what it was you just said to [them].".

Asking it to is an action applying to one thing and one topic. Understand "ask [something] to [text]" as asking it to.

Check asking it to:

if the noun is not a person:

say "You can only do that to something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead.

Carry out asking it to:

say "Like all good heroes (or wannabe heroes), you command no servants or followers, being merely a pure-hearted servant of the people yourself. So [the noun] rightly [if the noun is plural-named]disregard[else]disregards[end if] your flippant request.".

Instead of answering someone that "hello":

say "Let's just assume you've gotten all the greetings out of your system already, for brevity's sake."

Instead of answering someone that "hi":

say "Let's just assume you've gotten all the greetings out of your system already, for brevity's sake."

Instead of answering someone that "goodbye":

say "Let's just assume you've gotten all the parting words out of your system already, for brevity's sake."

Instead of answering someone that "bye":

say "Let's just assume you've gotten all the parting words out of your system already, for brevity's sake."

Check taking someone:

if the noun is the cow or the noun is the Cretan Bull:

continue the action;

else if the noun is yourself:

say "A difficult feat indeed. You are almost never self-possessed." instead;

else:

say "What, do you think you're super strong or something?" instead.

Praying is an action applying to nothing. Understand "pray" and "recite a prayer" and "pray to the Gods" as praying.

Carry out praying:

say "You raise a prayer to the Gods that your quest be a successful one. After you finish your blessing, you hear a slight rumbling of thunder in the distance and a whisper on the wind, which combine to form a low voice only you can hear - [italic type]If you are desperately in need of assistance in this game, call out for 'help' my child, and all your questions shall be answered.[Roman type][paragraph break]The thunder and wind cease and the voice is gone."

When play begins:

choose row 1 in Table of Basic Help Options;

now description entry is "Welcome to [Italic type]Hercules![Roman type] So glad you could make it.[paragraph break]Hercules is a text-based adventure (also known as interactive fiction) computer game similar to those of the 1980s, before computer games could come with advanced graphics. If you're unfamiliar with text adventures, I hope this game will help you learn to love them. If you find yourself completely at sea to start, look up 'Instructions for Play' on the previous menu, a great beginner's guidebook for how to navigate these kinds of games. It's written by Emily Short, a legend in the Interactive Fiction world.[paragraph break]If you need a hint on a specific puzzle, I have included all of them that you might need in the 'Hint System' on the previous page. However, I'll caution you to use these sparingly - the puzzles in the game will be a lot more satisfying if you solve them yourself, or almost completely by yourself. The game is no fun and over very quickly if you just scroll through the menus until you've created a makeshift walkthrough.[paragraph break]Last but certainly not least, I couldn't have made this game without the help of a plethora of people, and you can read all about their brilliance and patience with me in the 'Acknowledgements' section of the main menu. [paragraph break]And with that, I wish you all an enjoyable and stimulating rest of the game - thank you so much for your support!"

When play begins:

choose row 4 in Table of Stuckness Advice;

now description entry is "Play with someone else. Two heads are often better than one. If that doesn't work, try emailing the author or (better yet) posting a request for hints on the forum https://intfiction.org. For best results, put the name of the game you want help with in the subject line; then leave a page or so of blank spoiler space (so that no one will read about where you got to in the game unless they've already played it), and describe your problem as clearly as possible. Someone will probably be able to tell you how to get around it"

Check kissing anything:

if the noun is yourself:

say "Figuring out how to do that would be more impressive than solving all the puzzles in this game!" instead;

else if the noun is a person:

say "Even if you wanted to, you didn't bring any lip balm with you, so it wouldn't be a pleasant experience for anyone involved." instead;

else:

say "You can only do that to something animate -- this isn't a Disney cartoon!" instead.

Understand the command "hug" as something new.

Hugging is an action applying to one thing. Understand "hug [something]" as hugging.

Check hugging:

if the noun is not a person:

say "You find that a very silly idea and think it best not to entertain it any longer." instead;

else if the noun is yourself:

say "Self love is indeed important. You give yourself a great big bear hug. Don't worry, Hercules, you're doing great!" instead;

else if the noun is Eurystheus:

say "You walk up to your cousin and begin to greet him with an embrace, but he stops you quickly, disgust painted on his features. He elects to give you a short pat on the head instead." instead;

else if the noun is Iolaus:

say "You greet your nephew with a great big bear hug and a small jolt of electricity runs up your back. You give a loud yelp which soon turns into a glare as your nephew reveals the joy buzzer he had hidden in his palm. He gives you a smirk and pockets the gadget." instead;

else:

continue the action.

Report hugging:

say "You feel uncomfortable hugging anyone who isn't family.".

Fucking is an action applying to one thing. Understand "have sex with [something]" as fucking.

Understand the commands "screw" and "blow" as something new.

Understand "screw [something]" and "nail [something]" and "blow [something]" and "drill [something]" and "do [something]" and "love [something]" and "make love to [something]" as fucking.

Understand "fuck [something]" and "cum in [something]" and "jerk off on [something]" and "jerk off to [something]" and "masturbate on [something]" as fucking.

Check fucking:

say "Restrain yourself, this is a family game." instead.

Masturbating is an action applying to nothing. Understand "masturbate" and "jerk off" and "shoot my wad" and "spank the monkey" as masturbating.

Check masturbating:

say "Restrain yourself, this is a family game." instead.

Swimming is an action applying to nothing. Understand "swim" as swimming.

Instead of swimming:

if the ocean is in the location:

say "You left your arm floats at home, and you can't swim without them.";

else if the player is in Lake Lerna:

say "You left your arm floats at home, and you can't swim without them.";

else if the player is in the Underworld or the player is in the Gates of Hades:

say "You left your arm floats at home, but you doubt you'd be willing to step into the Styx even if you had them. The waters are undoubtedly unfit for living souls.";

else:

say "There's no water here!"

Instead of climbing anything:

say "You can't climb that, and even if you could, it would make you asthmatic."

Release along with the source text and a library card and a website.

Release along with Cover Art ("The scrawny Hercules standing amid a slew of monsters and characters.") and an interpreter.

Use scoring.

The maximum score is 12.

Getting existential is an action applying to nothing. Understand "who am i" and "what person am I" and "who are you" and "who are you now" and "who am i now" and "who am i in this game" as getting existential.

Report getting existential:

say "You're Hercules, of course! The king of the Gods, Zeus, is your father and the mortal Alcmene is your mother. [6 as a footnote] People don't generally think that much of you right now (possibly due to your many ailments and phobias), but you know deep down you have the power to become a great hero one day!"

The description of the player is "You've never been one for vanity, but you give yourself a good once-over. Your limbs are scrawny and weak, almost spaghetti-noodle like, and your acne hasn't improved since middle school. Your spectacles slide down your nose so much that you've gotten into a habit of just pushing them back up again, and your height is considerably below average. Sure you may not be much to look at, but you'd rather be brainy than brawny any day. Give me a good instruction manual and some Albuterol and nothing is impossible![if the player is wearing the lion pelt and the player is wearing the flag and the player is wearing the free T-shirt][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing an oversized sweatshirt composed of a lion's skin and fur, on top of which is a bloody cotton T-shirt you nabbed from a random lost-and-found box, and your face is covered with a large dirty cartoon flag from a toy gun. Good thing the fashion police aren't real...[else if the player is wearing the lion pelt and the player is wearing the flag and the score is greater than 5][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing an oversized sweatshirt composed of a lion's skin and fur, and covering your face with a large dirty cartoon flag from a toy gun.[else if the player is wearing the lion pelt and the player is wearing the flag and the score is less than 6][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing an oversized sweatshirt composed of a lion's skin and fur, and covering your face with a large cartoon flag from a toy gun.[else if the player is wearing the lion pelt and the player is wearing the free T-shirt][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing an oversized sweatshirt composed of a lion's skin and fur, on top of which is a bloody cotton T-shirt you nabbed from a random lost-and-found box.[else if the player is wearing the flag and the player is wearing the free T-shirt][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing a bloody cotton T-shirt you nabbed from a random lost-and-found box and covering your face with a large dirty cartoon flag from a toy gun.[else if the player is wearing the flag and the score is less than 6][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing a large cartoon flag from a toy gun as a mask over your face.[else if the player is wearing the flag and the score is greater than 5][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing a large dirty cartoon flag from a toy gun as a mask over your face.[else if the player is wearing the free T-shirt][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing a bloody cotton T-shirt you nabbed from a random lost-and-found box.[else if the player is wearing the lion pelt][paragraph break]In addition to your regular clothes, you are wearing an oversized sweatshirt composed of a lion's skin and fur.[else] [end if]"

The notify score changes rule is not listed in any rulebook.

Before looking for the first time, say "'Hi! My name's Hercules, and I want to be a hero!'[paragraph break]That was your opening line to the Gods on the glowing marble steps of Mount Olympus. There was a beat of silence as your words rang through the air – and then a roaring, hysterical fit of laughter that could not be quelled. [paragraph break]You can't really blame them, you suppose - you don't exactly fit the heroic mold. You're near-sighted, scrawny, constantly allergic, and have far more phobias than a demigod should. Your spiteful stepmother Hera discounts you out of hand, and even your father Zeus is skeptical at best. But you know you can be as great as the Gods themselves if only someone would just give you a chance![paragraph break]As luck would have it, the day after your meeting with the Gods, your cousin Eurystheus offered you a temp job. Finally, you've been given a chance to prove yourself, and you'll be sure not to squander this opportunity! Let's see, this to-do list he gave you can't be all that hard..."

The player holds a list. Understand "to-do list" and "todo list" and "todo" and "to-do" as the list. The player holds a bottle of Benadryl. The bottle of Benadryl is an edible container. The bottle of Benadryl is openable and closed. Understand "pills" and "pill" and "tablets" and "tablet" and "medicine" and "drugs" and "drug" and "allergy medication" and "medication" and "allergy" and "allergy medicine" and "antihistamine" and "antihistamines" as the bottle of Benadryl.

The old scroll is a thing. "An old scroll is here, tucked under some dirt near the side of the road."

Instead of examining the old scroll:

say "'My son - [paragraph break]Many apologies for the behavior of my lieutenants the other day. I believe your dream is noble, and will do my best to assist you in your quests if needed. Though I know you have a strong will and are determined to perform your feats of glory single-handed, if you are ever at a loss for how to proceed, simply PRAY and know that I'll be there to guide you.[paragraph break]Yours sincerely,[line break]Zeus'[paragraph break]As you finish reading the most touching and heartfelt letter ever written to you by your father, a lightning bolt flashes down towards you and zaps the old scroll out of existence. The message from your father is gone.";

now the old scroll is nowhere.

Scroll Gotten is a scene. Scroll Gotten begins when the turn count is 2.

When Scroll Gotten begins:

say "Suddenly you notice an old, mysterious scroll peeking out of the dirt on the side of the road. Was that there before?";

now the old scroll is in the location.

Instead of opening the bottle of Benadryl:

say "Not now, it hasn't been 24 hours since your last dose. And you always take your pills on the dot, like clockwork.[paragraph break][italic type]Author's Note: If you want to give Benadryl tablets to people or put Benadryl tablets inside something, you can just treat the bottle of Benadryl as though it were the tablets inside the bottle.[Roman type][line break]"

Benadryl-seen is a truth state that varies. Benadryl-seen is false.

Instead of examining the bottle of Benadryl:

say "Your trusty bottle of Benadryl tablets for your allergies. You have to take them on the dot every 24 hours — too little and you'll break out in hives and a constant stream of sneezes, too much and you'll fall right asleep. You never leave the house without this bottle and your asthma inhaler.[paragraph break][One of]Wait a second, where is your asthma inhaler? Shit. Guess you're working without a net now.[or]...until now, you guess. *sigh*[line break][stopping]";

now Benadryl-seen is true.

Instead of eating the bottle of Benadryl:

say "Not now, it hasn't been 24 hours since your last dose. And you always take your pills on the dot, like clockwork.".

Twelve-labors is a truth state that varies. Twelve-labors is false.

Instead of examining the list:

say "'To-Do List: [line break]#1. ʃlay the Nemean Lion. [if the score is greater than 0]XXX[end if] [line break]#2. Destroy the Lernean Hydra. [if the score is greater than 1]XXX[end if] [line break]#3. Capture the Ceryneian Hind of Artemis. [if the score is greater than 2]XXX[end if] [line break]#4. Capture the Erymanthian Boar. [if the score is greater than 3]XXX[end if] [line break]#5. Clean the Augean ʃtables. [if the score is greater than 4]XXX[end if] [line break]#6. ʃlay the ʃtymphalian Birds. [if the score is greater than 5]XXX[end if] [line break]#7. Capture the Cretan Bull. [if the score is greater than 6]XXX[end if] [line break]#8. ʃteal the Mares of Diomedes. [if the score is greater than 7]XXX[end if] [line break]#9. Obtain the girdle of Hippolyta. [if the score is greater than 8]XXX[end if] [line break]#10. Obtain the cattle of the monster Geryon.[no line break][if twelve-labors is false and the score is less than 10]' [1 as a footnote][end if][if the score is greater than 9] XXX[end if][run paragraph on][if twelve-labors is true and the score is less than 11][line break]#11. ʃteal an apple from the Garden of the Hesperides. [line break]#12. Capture and bring back Cerberus from the Underworld.' [line break][line break]You're beginning to suspect that your cousin doesn't really need any of these chores done...[line break][line break][else if the score is 11][line break]#11. ʃteal an apple from the Garden of the Hesperides. XXX [line break]#12. Capture and bring back Cerberus from the Underworld.' [line break][line break]You're beginning to suspect that your cousin doesn't really need any of these chores done.[line break][line break][else if the score is greater than 11][line break]#11. ʃteal an apple from the Garden of the Hesperides. XXX [line break]#12. Capture and bring back Cerberus from the Underworld. XXX' [line break][line break]All your tasks are complete! You should hurry back to Eurystheus and tell him you've finished. [line break][line break][else if initial-complete is false][line break][line break]What a peculiar set of chores. Apparently your cousin doesn't need any groceries or anything... [paragraph break][line break]Well anyway, time to get to work! You'd better do these in the order they're written or else you'll give yourself a panic attack. You get very anxious when things are out of order.[line break][else][no line break][quotation mark][line break][line break]All your tasks are complete! You should hurry back to Eurystheus and tell him you've finished. He'll be so proud...[line break][line break][end if]".

Before going south from Tiryns:

if the score is less than 1: