The Best Man

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@@color: white; Phone startles me in strange bed.@@ <<timed 1.5s>> It's ringing, I fumble -- I fumble for the sound of the phone under the sheets. A call from Laura! [["'Laura!'"|Hello]] [["'Is everything okay?'"|EverythingOK]]<</timed>> <<silently>> <<set $sneakpeek to false>> <<set $icouldbridesmaid to false>> <<set $specialday to false>> <<set $extrapush to false>> <<set $sortthemout to false>> <<set $girlshotel to false>> <<set $tworings to false>> <<set $bodytext to "Phone startles me in strange bed. It's ringing, I fumble -- I fumble for it under the sheets. It's a call from Laura!">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Phone startles me in strange bed", "My phone startles me in a strange bed")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Laura!', I gasp as I sit up. (— Laura Laura Laura —) 'Morning sleepy,' says Laura. 'Seems like someone had a fun night.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Actually, I left the party early.'"|LeftParty]] [["'I wouldn't say fun, exactly.'"|NotFun]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + "'Laura!', I gasp as I sit up. 'Morning sleepy,' says Laura. 'Seems like someone had a fun night.'">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "It's ringing, I fumble -- I fumble for it under the sheets", "It rings impatiently as I fumble for it under the sheets")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Me? No, I... I left the party early.' (—Dry throat, racing heart—) 'And even so,' says Laura, 'nine o'clock in the morning and he sounds like Groggy McFrog. Don't tell me you're still in bed?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Guilty as charged.'"|Guilty]] [["'I'm sorry, Laura.'"|Sorry]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, " It's a call from Laura!", " Laura is calling me, and I rush to answer.")>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "(—Dry throat, racing heart—)", "Dry throat and racing heart.")>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + "'Actually,' I say, 'I left the party early.' 'And even so,' says Laura, 'nine o'clock in the morning and he sounds like Groggy McFrog. Don't tell me you're still in bed?'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'The party? No, I... it wasn't really my thing.' (—Dry throat, racing heart—) 'Of course it wasn't. But at least the others have the excuse of a hangover. I don't know why you're still in bed at nine o'clock in the morning....'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Guilty as charged.'"|Guilty]] [["'I'm sorry, Laura.'"|Sorry]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, " It's a call from Laura!", " Laura is calling me, and I rush to answer.")>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "(—Dry throat, racing heart—)", "Dry throat and racing heart.")>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + "'I wouldn't say fun exactly,' I say. 'Of course it wasn't. But at least the others have the excuse of a hangover. I don't know why you're still in bed at nine o'clock in the morning....'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I'm sorry, Laura.' 'Just teasing ya. Look, Aiden, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Of course you can!'"|OfCourse]]\ <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + " 'I know you're teasing me, Laura.' 'Oh, Aiden, you know me too well. Look, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Of course you can.' ( —As if I would refuse!) Laura sighs. 'The thing is, last night there was an... incident with Colm, after the party was over, some drunken shenanigans don't you know, and John had to take him to the hospital, and Colm's okay but he has to stay there for a bit, and he's going to miss the ceremony, and I just had a talk with John and, well, basically: We'd like you to be our best man today.' Wow.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, of course I will be your best man, Laura.'"|BeTheMan]] [["'Umm, well...'"|LittleHesitation]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "My phone startles me in a strange bed", "My mobile phone wakes me up in my hotel bedroom.")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "( —As if I would refuse!)", "As if I would refuse. As if I could refuse!")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Yes, I --' 'Don't worry, you won't have to make a speech or anything, you just have to stand there and give us the rings. I mean, a monkey could do it, but I want you to.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'll do it, Laura.'"|IllDoIt]] [["'No speeches? You promise?'"|NoSpeeches]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I'll be your best man, Laura!' 'Oh will you Aiden? You're the best! You're literally the best man right now,' says Laura. 'You're the best, man,' she adds in a squeaky imitation stoner voice. I'm giggling, I'm giddy.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'm happy to be.'"|HappyToBe]] [["'No, you're the best, man.'"|FeckinA]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Is everything okay?' ( -- Laura calling at this hour -- calling me -- ) 'Everything's okay here, more or less,' says Laura, 'but Mr. Sleepy doesn't sound so good. Late night last night?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Actually, I left the party early.'"|LeftParty]] [["'No, I just found it hard to sleep.'"|HardToSleep]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "It's ringing, I fumble -- I fumble for it under the sheets", "It rings impatiently as I fumble for it under the sheets")>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + "'Is everything okay?' I ask. 'Everything's okay here, more or less,' says Laura, 'but Mr. Sleepy doesn't sound so good. Late night last night?'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Me? No, I... I just found it hard to sleep.' (—Dry throat, racing heart—) 'Oh, I see. I see,' she says in a tone suddenly laden with innuendo. 'Not an appropriate time for me to call then?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'It's always an appropriate time for you, Laura.'"|AlwaysAppropriate]] [["'That's not what I meant.'"|NotThatWay]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, " It's a call from Laura!", " Laura is calling me, and I rush to answer.")>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "(—Dry throat, racing heart—)", "Dry throat and racing heart.")>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Um, well --' 'Just teasing ya. Look, Aiden, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Of course you can!'"|OfCourse]]\ <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + " 'Guilty as charged,' I say. 'I knew it. Look, Aiden, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I'm happy to be,' I say. 'Yay! So, you'll have to pick up the rings from John's parents, they'll be in the reception hall, which is here in the other hotel.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'You mean the girls' hotel?'"|Girlshotel]] [["'Wait, there's more than one ring?'"|TwoRings]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " '—You mean the girls' hotel?' ">> <<silently>> <<set $newtext2 to " 'The ladies' hotel, yes, where I am now, in the process of being made more beautiful than you could possibly imagine, though you're absolutely not allowed to see me until the ceremony so don't dare even try.'">> <</silently>> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext $newtext2@@ [["'Not even one little peek?'"|SneakPeek]] [["'I wouldn't dream of it.'"|DreamOfIt]] <<silently>> <<set $girlshotel to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + " 'You mean the girls' hotel?' I cut in, cheekily. (And I'm sure Laura interprets my interjection in the playful spirit I intended.) " + $newtext2>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Not even one little peek?' I ask. ( — so spontaneous!) 'I'm serious, I will turn you to stone if you so much as think about laying eyes on me! Anyway, John's parents will have the rings for you in the reception area downstairs, they're probably there already knowing them, and I hope you know your way, besides, the address is printed on your invitation which I prepared very specially for you, so you have no excuse!'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I know where your hotel is, Laura.'"|KnowWhere]] [["'Town Square, opposite the church, right?'"|TownSquare]] <<silently>> <<set $sneakpeek to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I ask. ( — so spontaneous!)", "I can be so spontaneous and fun and natural and relaxed around her. She makes me the person I want to be.")>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I know where your hotel is, Laura.' 'Very good. Oh, one more thing!' she says. 'There's a little flower shop opposite your hotel, and we made a last-minute order there, they've prepared a package for us, could you pick it up on the way?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SurelyFlowers]] [["'This is getting really complicated.'"|ReallyComplicated]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Sure.' 'It's just opposite your hotel, you can't miss it, and just mention our names, and when you've got the package, can you bring it to my lovely bridesmaids? They'll be waiting in the reception area too.' 'No they won't!' says another voice somewhere near Laura.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Is that Orla I hear?'"|IsThatOrla]] [["'Apparently they won't.'"|TheyWont]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Is that Orla I hear?' ( — I guess the whole gang are there — ) 'That was Orla, though she won't be here much longer, since she's in my way and I'm already behind and I'm going to push her out of the room any minute now,' says Laura over moans of protest. ">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Will you give her an extra push from me?'"|ExtraPush]] [["'Maybe I should take over her role, too.'"|ICouldBridesmaid]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "( — I guess the whole gang are there — )", "I guess the whole gang are there in Laura's room. I wish I was there with them — me, Laura and the girls, like old times —")>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Will you give Orla an extra push from me?' 'That won't be necessary, and look, I'm really behind and I really have to go now, but seriously, Aiden: Thanks a million for helping us out today.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'It's my pleasure.'"|MyPleasure]] <<silently>> <<set $extrapush to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'It's my pleasure.' 'Awww,' says Laura. She lowers her voice to a purr. 'You always were my best man, Aiden, you know that, don't you?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I do.'"|AlwaysBestMan]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I do', I say, but Laura has already put down the phone.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["--"|UnderTheSheets]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

I crawl back under the sheets and curl up and cover my ears and hold my eyes shut tight, so that for a few more moments, all my world is only Laura and Laura's voice and the memory of Laura's voice. <<timed 7s>> [['You always were my best man,' she said.|ConversationSnippets]] <</timed>>

<<set $newtext to " 'That's not what I meant --' 'It's okay, I'm just teasing ya! Look, Aiden, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Of course you can!'"|OfCourse]]\ <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + " 'I know you're teasing me, Laura.' 'Oh, Aiden, you know me too well. Look, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'No, it is, I mean --' 'Just teasing ya. Look, Aiden, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Of course you can!'"|OfCourse]]\ <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + " 'It's always an appropriate time for you to call, Laura.' Some innuendo of my own! 'I'll bear that in mind!' laughs Laura. 'Look, Aiden, can I ask you a really really big favour?'">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Umm, well --' 'Don't worry, you won't have to make a speech or anything, you just have to stand there and give us the rings. I mean, a monkey could do it, but I want you to.' Trust Laura to anticipate the one objection I was going to make. She knows me so well. She knows me better than anyone.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'll do it, Laura.'"|IllDoIt]] [["'No speeches? You promise?"|NoSpeeches]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'No speeches? You promise?' 'Aiden, do you seriously think that on my wedding day I'd let my beloved friends and family, or even John's beloved friends and family, hear you make a trainwreck of a speech? I want happy memories from today. Trust me, you will strictly be on ring duty and nothing else.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Okay, then I'll do it, Laura.'"|ThenIllDoIt]] [["'And you're sure John is okay with this?'"|JohnIsOkay]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "that on my wedding day I'd let my beloved friends and family, or even John's beloved friends and family, hear you make a trainwreck of a speech? I want happy memories from today.", "I'd put you in that position and make you so uncomfortable?")>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Okay, then I'll do it, Laura.' 'Oh will you Aiden? You're the best! You're literally the best man right now,' says Laura. 'You're the best, man,' she adds in a squeaky imitation stoner voice. I'm giggling, I'm giddy.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'm happy to be.'"|HappyToBe]] [["'No, you're the best, man.'"|FeckinA]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'And you're sure John is okay with this?' 'John and I have discussed this extensively and I can assure you that you are our unanimous first choice. Now, are you in or not?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'll be your best man, Laura.'"|IllDoIt]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, " I'm giggling, I'm giddy.", "")>> <</silently>> <<set $newtext to " '...Yeah, man!' I say. 'Yay!' says Laura, mercifully ignoring my attempt at an American accent. 'So, you'll have to pick up the rings from John's parents, they'll be in the reception hall, which is here in the other hotel.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'You mean the girls' hotel?'"|Girlshotel]] [["'Wait, there's more than one ring?'"|TwoRings]] <<silently>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "...Yeah, man!' I say. 'Yay!' says Laura, mercifully ignoring my attempt at an American accent.", "Feckin' A, man,' I reply in turn. 'You're the dude!' says Laura.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Wait, there's more than one ring?' 'There are two rings because there are two people in this potential marriage. One ring each.' I love it when Laura and I do our double act. ">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'This is complicated.'"|ComplicatedRings]] [["'And how do I know which one is yours?'"|SureICanDoThis]] <<silently>> <<set $tworings to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "And I especially love that she called it a potential marriage.">> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'This complicates -- I mean, logics, er—' '—You'll be able to handle it,' says Laura. (I had intended to use the excellent comedy word 'logistics', but it's evidently still too early in the morning.) 'All that's important is that you get the rings from John's parents at the reception. You know where that is?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I know where the reception is, Laura.'"|KnowWhere]] [["'Town square, opposite the church, right?'"|TownSquare]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + " 'This very much complicates the logistics of the situation.' 'But nevertheless, I have the utmost confidence in your ability to handle it,' says Laura. 'For now, all that's important is that you get the rings from John's parents at the reception. You know where that is?'">> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'And how will I know which one is yours? Will it be a pink one?' (A running in-joke between us.) 'You won't have to know at all,' says Laura. 'You just give them to the priest when he prompts you. We've hired a professional so he at least should know what he's doing. All that you have to worry about is getting the rings from John's parents at the reception. You know where that is?">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I know where the reception is, Laura.'"|KnowWhere]] [["'The hotel in the town square, opposite the church?'"|TownSquare]] <<silently>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "between us.) 'You won't have to know at all,' says Laura.", "between us. It dates back to an occasion when Laura, who is very much not a girly-girl, lent me a pink eraser during class, and I started playfully teasing her about it, and she just ran with it and it escalated so much that since then 'a pink one' has been a reliable way to make her smile.) 'No, and anyway you won't have to know at all,' says Laura.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Your hotel is in the town square, opposite the church, right?' 'I'm glad someone read their wedding invitation,' she says. 'Oh, one more thing! There's a little flower shop opposite your hotel, and we made a last-minute order there, they've prepared a package for us, could you pick it up on the way?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SurelyFlowers]] [["'You mean we're in different hotels?'"|NotThatHotel]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I wouldn't dream of it,' I say. And yet — 'Very good,' she says. 'Anyway, John's parents will have the rings for you in the reception area downstairs, they're probably there already knowing them, and I hope you know your way, besides, the address is printed on your invitation which I prepared very specially for you, so you have no excuse!'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I know where your hotel is, Laura.'"|KnowWhere]] [["'Town Square, opposite the church, right?'"|TownSquare]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "And yet —", "And yet I wish I was there with her this morning, sharing these last moments, before — I suppose this is her way of sharing them with me. The only way open to her. And I am so grateful.")>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'You mean we're in different hotels now?' I say, and when that doesn't get an immediate reaction, I continue: 'Wait, where am I? I thought, um...' Laura does not sound amused. 'Aiden, I'm kind of in a hurry this morning, and I have limited time to joke around, all right? I'd really appreciate if you picked up the flowers. And please bring them to my lovely bridesmaids, who will also be waiting at the reception area.' 'No they won't!' says a voice somewhere near Laura.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'm sorry, Laura.'"|SorryFlowers]] [["'Is that Orla I hear?'"|IsThatOrla]] <<silently>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "I say, and when that doesn't get an immediate reaction, I continue: 'Wait, where am I? I thought, um...'", "")>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "amused.", "amused, and I can entirely understand her reasons for it.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'This is getting really complicated,' I say, and since I don't get an immediate reaction I continue: 'So, do I get the ring before I get the flowers, or after? And am I meant to exchange the ring for the flowers, or— '—Aiden,' says Laura, who does not sound amused, 'I'm kind of in a hurry this morning, all right? I'd really appreciate if you picked up the flowers. And please bring them to my lovely bridesmaids, who will also be waiting at the reception area.' 'No they won't!' says a voice somewhere near Laura.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I'm sorry, Laura.'"|SorryFlowers]] [["'Is that Orla I hear?'"|IsThatOrla]] <<silently>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "I say, and since I don't get an immediate reaction I continue: 'So, do I get the ring before I get the flowers, or after? And am I meant to exchange the ring for the flowers, or— '—Aiden,' says Laura, who does not sound amused, '", "I say, and continue in that vein for a few moments before Laura interrupts me. 'Aiden, ")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I'm sorry, Laura. I didn't mean to waste your time.' 'No worries, Aiden. I'm sorry for snapping at you. It's just been a busy morning, and I'm a little stressed, I guess?' I hear a sarcastic moan somewhere in the background. 'And my bridesmaids are not helping matters by hanging around my bedroom,' Laura says.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'No, I was being selfish.'"|BeingSelfish]] [["'You want me to go there and sort them out?'"|IsThatTheBridesmaids]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'No, I was being selfish,' I say. 'I know it has been a stressful morning for you, and yet I still had to persist with my unfunny jokes.' 'It's okay, Aiden, and you were funny, it's just — besides, I'm the one asking you to help me out, and I'm really grateful you've agreed to it.' Laura says. Someone in the background makes noise that sounds a lot like 'Yuck'.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Not at all.'"|WantThisDay]] [["'Is that Orla I hear?'"|IsThatOrla]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'You want me to go there and sort them out?' I ask. 'That won't be necessary, and look, I'm really behind and I really have to go now, but seriously, Aiden: Thanks a million for helping us out today.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'It's my pleasure.'"|MyPleasure]] <<silently>> <<set $sortthemout to true>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "out?' I ask.", "out?' I ask. Laura knows my good intentions. Laura knows I only want the best for her.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Not at all,' I say. 'I just really want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I really want this day to be special for you.' 'Aw, that's sweet,' says Laura. 'Thanks a million, Aiden. I really have to go now, and I think that's a nice way to end the call. You always were my best man, Aiden, you know that, don't you?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I do.'"|AlwaysBestMan]] <<silently>> <<set $specialday to true>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "you.' ", "you.' I love prolonging these moments of reconciliation. It's at such moments that we come closest to sharing our true feelings. ")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Apparently they won't,' I say. 'Yes they will, because I'm going to run them out of here any minute now,' says Laura over moans of protest. So it sounds like the old gang is there with her — Aisling, Orla, Deirdre — everyone except me.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Give Orla an extra push from me.'"|ExtraPush]] [["'How about I take over their role, too?'"|ICouldBridesmaid]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'How about I replace the bridesmaids, too?' I say. 'I think I'm Ash's dress size. Think of the time and money you could save —' Unfortunately Laura is pushed for time. 'That won't be necessary,' she says, 'and look, I'm really behind and I really have to go now, but seriously, Aiden: Thanks a million for helping us out today.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'It's my pleasure.'"|MyPleasure]] <<silently>> <<set $icouldbridesmaid to true>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "Unfortunately Laura", "It's a scenario ripe with comic possibilities I would love us to explore together, but unfortunately Laura")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<scrolldown>> <</silently>>

Yes, I always was, always will be your best man, Laura. Oh, you know me so well. That's what I am, that's what I do, that's what I'm good for. <<timed 6s>>[[And that is all that matters.|ThisIsHardcore]]<</timed>>

You might not believe this, but I am proud to take this symbolic role in your wedding, to consecrate, so to speak, your symbolic union with — And it doesn't matter that it's you John, it simply doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that Laura is happy. What matters to me is what brings her joy. [[And I'm so glad she asked me to be best man.|GladYouAsked]]

This thing we have, this is what is real. This is real, this is raw, this is true. This is the only truth. <<timed 6s>>[[This is the truth I live for.|BestManTitlePage]]<</timed>>

[img[The Best Man|bestman4.png]]<<scrollright>><<timed 10s>><<replace "#tmptitle">>[img[The Best Man|bestman5.png][MeetingJohn]]<</replace>><<scrollright>><</timed>>

@@color:white;I'm ready for this. I'm shaved, showered and suited, and I'm ready for this, I'm looking forward to it.@@ <<timed 2s>> And then I step out of my room, and who do I see but John, Laura's potential husband, approaching me from the other end of the corridor. 'Aiden Tunney!' he says. 'The very man! I wanted to ask you something. I wanted to ask you if... I wanted to ask if you were seriously planning to wear that suit to my wedding.' [["'What's wrong with my suit?'"|WrongSuit]] [["'Yes, I am, actually.'"|YesIAm]]<</timed>> <<silently>> <<set $rulesOfComedy to false>> <<set $travoltaJoke to false>> <<set $monkeyJoke to false>> <<set $tarzanJoke to false>> <<set $hamburglarJoke to false>> <<set $bodytext to "I'm ready for this. I'm shaved, showered and suited, and I'm ready for this, I'm looking forward to it. And then I step out of my hotel room, and who do I see but John, Laura's potential husband, approaching me from the other end of the corridor. 'Aiden Tunney!' he says. 'The very man! I wanted to ask you something. I wanted to ask you if... I wanted to ask if you were seriously planning to wear that suit to my wedding.'">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "corridor.", "corridor, looking very much the worse for wear.")>> <</silently>>

@@color: gray; $bodytext@@<<set $newtext to " 'My suit, what—?' '—Don't get me wrong, it's a nice suit and all, but I'm looking at you and I can't help thinking... Colonel Sanders.'">> @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Colonel Sanders?'"|ColonelSanders]] [["'The white, you mean? Actually, I was aiming for something like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.'"|JohnTravolta]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "My suit, what—", "What's wrong with my suit")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "looking very much the worse for wear", "still in his clothes from last night's party, and looking the worse for wear. And there's a note of unsteadiness in his man-swagger")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Colonel Sanders?' 'So dazzling white!' says John. 'Maybe it's the combination with your goatee, but — oh no,' he says suddenly, rubbing his brow, 'here I am, wanting to ask you this huge favour and instead I'm making fun of you. I'm sorry, it's been a long night, and the thought of fried chicken is making me heave.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura called me earlier.'"|LauraCalled]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "worse for wear", "worse for wear. Superficially tall and handsome, maybe, but that morning shadow doesn't do his budding jowls any favours")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " "+ $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Laura called me earlier this morning,' I say, trying to move this conversation on, 'So I think I can guess what the favour is.' 'Oh, you've already had a call from Laura? Great, she might have told me. But I wanted to ask you in person anyway. So, she explained about the incident with Colm?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, and I said I would be happy to take over.'"|HappyToTakeOver]] [["'She didn't go into a lot of detail.'"|NoDetail]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Yes, and I said I would be happy to take over.' 'Oh, great — Colm's okay, by the way, no need to worry about him, nothing that a plaster cast and a stomach pump won't fix, but he'll have to sit out the ceremony. And then my other friends are hopeless and we couldn't get a guy in a Ronald McDonald costume, so we decided to go for the next best thing. And you say you'll do it?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'That's what I said, yes.'"|ThatsWhatISaid]] [["'Yes, but only because Laura asked so nicely.'"|OnlyBecauseLaura]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Yes, that's what I told Laura.' 'Excellent, thanks a lot for that, Aiden, that's great news. And you'll get the rings from my parents, right? Laura explained that? They'll be in the reception room in the other hotel.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Opposite the church, yeah.'"|OppositeTheChurch]] [["'How will I recognise your parents?'"|RecogniseYourParents]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Opposite the Church, yeah.' 'Indeed. And don't worry, you won't have to give a speech later or anything. Colm will be back in time for that. All you have to do is stand next to me on the altar, and hand over the rings. It's a simple task.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I know.'"|IKnowRings]] [["'Yeah, a monkey could do it.'"|MonkeyCouldDoIt]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I know.' 'Good. And I must apologise for that Ronald McDonald comment earlier, by the way. If I wanted a fast food brand ambassador to stand beside me as I took my wedding vows, Colonel Sanders would be my clear first choice.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Not the Hamburglar?'"|Hamburglar]] [["'No need to apologise.'"|SupposedToRespond]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'No need to apologise.' 'Really? Well that's very magnanimous of you,' says John. 'Very dignified. Exactly the kind of dignity I want standing next to me on my wedding day. Oh, one more thing: did Laura mention the flowers?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, I'll get them.'"|IllGetTheFlowers]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Not the Hamburglar?' I ask, deciding to play along with John's lame comedy routine. 'The Hamburglar? What's that?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Never mind.'"|NeverMind]] [["'It's another McDonald's mascot.'"|AnotherMascot]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $rulesOfComedy to true>> <<set $hamburglarJoke to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'It's another McDonald's mascot,' I explain. 'Ah. Well, I'll have to take your word for it,' says John, 'you clearly are an expert on this stuff, and not just dressed like one. Oh, one more thing: did Laura mention the flowers?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, I'll get them.'"|IllGetTheFlowers]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Yes, I'll get them,' I say, reaching towards the handle of my bedroom door. 'I'd pick them up myself,' says John, 'but: I've got less than three hours to catch some sleep and make myself presentable. And besides, I think Laura wants to set you up with one of the bridesmaids.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Right.'"|MovingOn]] [["'Actually, the bridesmaids are old friends of mine.'"|WereOldFriends]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "door.", "door. Consciously or unconsciously signalling that I want this conversation over with.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Never mind,' I say. 'No, I'm interested,' says John. Who is this 'hamburglar'? What does he do?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'He burgles hamburgers.'"|BurglesHamburgers]] [["'It's another McDonald's mascot.'"|AnotherMascot]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'He burgles hamburgers,' I say. 'From the mouths of children? That's horrible!' says John. 'And you endorse this?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Of course I don't.'"|DontEndorse]] [["'It's a McDonald's mascot.'"|AnotherMascotKFC]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'It's a McDonald's mascot,' I explain. 'So you say. But whose interests does he serve, really?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'He's an official McDonald's mascot!'"|OfficialMcDonalds]] [["'This is stupid!'"|ThisIsStupid]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Of course I don't endorse it!' 'And yet, you allow it to continue?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'It's nothing to do with me!'"|NothingToDo]] [["'He's a fictional character!'"|ThisIsStupid]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'It's nothing to do with me!' 'But some would say otherwise. Some would say the buck stops with the Colonel.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'The Hamburglar is not even a KFC character!'"|NotKFC]] [["'This is stupid!'"|ThisIsStupid]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'This is stupid, we're talking about a fictional character!' I say. 'Oh, Aiden', says John, chuckling to himself, 'I don't mean to make fun of you, but sometimes you make it so easy, you know? Anyway, one more thing: did Laura mention the flowers?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, I'll get them.'"|IllGetTheFlowers]] [["'I'm in on the joke, John.'"|InOnTheJoke]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'The Hamburglar is not even a KFC character!' 'So you say. But whose interests does he serve, really?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'He's an official McDonald's mascot!'"|OfficialMcDonalds]] [["'This is stupid!'"|ThisIsStupid]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'He's an official McDonald's mascot, and serves the interests of McDonald's!' 'Oh, Aiden', says John, chuckling to himself, 'I don't mean to make fun of you, but sometimes you make it so easy, you know? Anyway, one more thing: did Laura mention the flowers?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, I'll get them.'"|IllGetTheFlowers]] [["'I'm in on the joke, John.'"|InOnTheJoke]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'The white, you mean? Actually, I was aiming for something like Travolta in Saturday Night, uh... Saturday Night Fever.' 'Really?' says John. 'Why?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I thought it would be fun in an ironic way.'"|KindOfIronic]] [["'Why not?'"|WhyNotTravolta]] <<silently>> <<set $rulesOfComedy to true>> <<set $travoltaJoke to true>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "Saturday Night, uh...", "")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "worse for wear", "worse for wear. Superficially tall and handsome for now, maybe, but that blotched-sandpaper complexion is a sign of things to come")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " "+ $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Uh... why not?' 'Why not? Because you ended up looking like Colonel Sanders,' says John. 'Maybe it's the combination with your goatee — oh no,' he says suddenly, rubbing his brow, 'here I am, wanting to ask you this huge favour and instead I'm making fun of you. I'm sorry, it's been a long night, and your suit is kind of dazzling me.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura called me earlier.'"|LauraCalled]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "Uh... why not?'", "Why not?' Of course, John doesn't deserve to know my real reasons for wearing this suit.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " "+ $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I thought it would be fun... kind of ironic,' I add in an attempt to appeal to John's sensibilities. 'What's ironic about it? That you ended up looking more like Colonel Sanders?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'No, I mean the movie.'"|IMeanTheMovie]] [["''What's the point of this conversation?'"|WhatsYourPoint]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "sensibilities", "sensibilities. Of course, he doesn't deserve to know the real reason I chose this suit")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'No, I mean it's an ironic reference to the movie,' I say, 'you know, the way it's a kitsch cultural icon.' 'Not sure I do know,' says John. 'What's kitsch about it?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Well, the way it's kind of cheesy and dated.'"|DatedMovie]] [["'To be honest, I've never seen it.'"|NeverSeenIt]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'What's the point of this conversation?' 'You're right, you're right' says John, demonstratively rubbing his brow, 'here I am, wanting to ask you this huge favour and instead I'm making fun of you. I'm sorry, it's been a long night, and your white suit is kind of dazzling me.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura called me earlier.'"|LauraCalled]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "Uh... why not", "Why not")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " "+ $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Well, the way it's kind of cheesy and dated.' 'It's old, yeah, but is it dated? What do you mean by 'dated'?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Come on, the fashions, the hairstyles, the music, ....'"|DatedFashions]] [["'Well, to be honest, I've never seen it.'"|NeverSeenIt]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'To be honest, I've never seen it.' 'Well then, maybe you should,' says John. 'It's a good movie. You might even pick up some fashion tips. Anyway, I'm sorry for this tangent, I've been up all night and my attention span is not what it used to be. I actually came here to ask you a big favour.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura called me earlier.'"|LauraCalled]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Come on, the fashions, the hairstyles, the music—' '—But they're all cool,' says John. 'They were cool then, and they're cool now. I don't see the joke.' Why is he being so contrary?">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'If you can joke about Colonel Sanders, why can't I joke about Saturday Night Fever?'"|JokeAboutColonel]] [["'What is the point of this conversation?'"|WhatsYourPoint]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

@@color: gray; $bodytext@@<<set $newtext to " 'Uh, yes—' '—Don't get me wrong, it's a nice suit and all, but I'm looking at you and I can't help thinking... Colonel Sanders.'">> @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Colonel Sanders?'"|ColonelSanders]] [["'My white suit? Actually, I was aiming for something like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.'"|JohnTravolta]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "Uh, yes—", "Yes, I am, actually.")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "looking very much the worse for wear", "still in his clothes from last night's party, and looking the worse for wear. And there's a note of unsteadiness in his man-swagger")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'If you can joke about Colonel Sanders, why can't I joke about Saturday Night Fever?' 'Well, one difference is that Saturday Night Fever is actually good,' says John. 'But look, if Colonel Sanders is the hill you want to die on, that's none of my business. We've gone off down a tangent — I actually came here to ask you this huge favour.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura called me about it earlier.'"|LauraCalled]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, a monkey could do it,' I say, attempting some artificial levity. John frowns. 'You think so? I'm not so sure.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Like you said, it's a very simple task.'"|SimpleMonkeyTask]] [["'Monkeys can be trained.'"|CanBeTrained]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $rulesOfComedy to true>> <<set $monkeyJoke to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Like you said, it's a very simple task.' 'Yeah but, so is swinging on a tree, for a monkey. Doesn't mean I'd hire you to do it.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Monkeys can be trained.'"|CanBeTrained]] [["'You've never seen my Tarzan moves, then.'"|TarzanMoves]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Monkeys can be trained.' 'It would have to be an exceptionally well-trained monkey,' says John, 'And even so, I don't think a trained monkey lends quite the sense of dignity I had in mind for the occasion.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Why, what did you have in mind?'"|HaveInMind]] [["'Define dignity.'"|DefineDignity]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'You've never seen my Tarzan moves, then?' I say, but John just ploughs on: 'No, and besides, even a well-trained monkey would not lend the sense of dignity I had in mind for the occasion.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Why, what did you have in mind?'"|HaveInMind]] [["'Define dignity.'"|DefineDignity]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $tarzanJoke to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Better Colonel Sanders than the Hamburglar, I suppose.' 'The Hamburglar? What's that?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Never mind.'"|NeverMind]] [["'It's another McDonald's mascot.'"|AnotherMascot]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $hamburglarJoke to true>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Would you rather I wore something else?' I ask, my voice betraying some exasperation. 'I'm sorry, Aiden,' says John, chuckling to himself, 'I don't mean to make fun of you, but sometimes you make it so easy, you know? Anyway, one more thing: did Laura mention the flowers?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, I'll get them.'"|IllGetTheFlowers]] [["'I'm in on the joke, John.'"|InOnTheJoke]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'She didn't go into a lot of detail.' 'Oh, well maybe that's for the best. Better not to hear it before breakfast, anyway. Suffice to say: Colm's okay, nothing that a plaster cast and a stomach pump won't fix, but he'll have to sit out the ceremony. And then my other friends are hopeless, and we couldn't get a guy in a Ronald McDonald costume, so we decided to go for the next best option. Will you be my best man?'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Yes, I'll be your best man.'"|ThatsWhatISaid]] [["'Yes, but only because Laura asked so nicely.'"|OnlyBecauseLaura]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'How will I recognise your parents?' 'If you spot an unusually nervous couple in their fifties, it's probably them,' says John. 'I don't expect there will be many people in the reception area at this time of the morning. And besides, they've eaten at a KFC before, so I'm sure they'll recognise you.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'I get it.'"|IGetIt]] [["'Would you prefer if I wore something else?'"|WoreSomethingElse]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Right.' 'Okay, I better be off,' says John, patting me on the shoulder, 'and all joking aside, I really appreciate that you're doing this, Aiden.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'You're welcome.'"|YoureWelcomeJohn]] [["[I turn away.]"|ITurnAway]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "back,", "back in one of his annoying displays of tactile masculinity, ")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I get it,' I say. 'Good. And I must apologise for that Ronald McDonald comment earlier, by the way. If I wanted the brand ambassador of a fast food outlet to stand beside me as I took my wedding vows, Colonel Sanders would be my clear first choice.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Not the Hamburglar?'"|Hamburglar]] [["'No need to apologise.'"|SupposedToRespond]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "I say.", "I say. By which I mean, I have now well and truly gotten John's tiresome joke, ten times over. But still he goes on:")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Yes, but only because Laura asked so nicely.' 'Yeah, Laura has her way of getting what she wants, doesn't she?' says John. 'I guess that's why I'm marrying her. Oh, did she also ask you to get the rings from my parents? They'll be in the reception room in the other hotel.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Opposite the church, yeah.'"|OppositeTheChurch]] [["'How will I recognise your parents?'"|RecogniseYourParents]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "I'm marrying her", "she's marrying me")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Actually, the bridesmaids are old friends of mine,' I say, unable to resist a response to this last provocation. 'Sure they are,' says John. 'Anyway, I better be off. And all joking aside, I want to thank you for helping us out. I really appreciate that you're doing this, Aiden.' He pats my shoulder.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'You're welcome.'"|YoureWelcomeJohn]] [["[I turn away]"|ITurnAway]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "provocation.", "provocation. A mind like John's could never appreciate the existence of true friendship between the sexes.")>> <<set $newtext to replace($newtext, "back.", "back, in a display of tactile masculinity.")>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'You're welcome,' I say, awkwardly reaching out to him. 'You're one of the good guys, Aiden,' says John as he walks away. 'Finger-lickin' good! I'm sorry.' He rounds the corner of the corridor, out of sight.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["I go back to my room."|BackToMyRoom]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " I turn away and so does John, making our movements seem more natural and coordinated than I intended. 'You're one of the good guys, Aiden,' he says as he walks off. 'Finger-lickin' good! I'm sorry.' His steps fade down the corridor.">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["I go back to my room."|BackToMyRoom]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

You think you're so funny, John. <<if $rulesOfComedy is true>>You think you're so funny, but the irony, the real irony, is that you know nothing of [[the rules of comedy|RulesOfComedy]]. You wouldn't last ten seconds in front of a real audience. <</if>>Couldn't let that [[lame Colonel Sanders joke|ReasonForSuit]] go, could you? <<set $youhangout to false>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I'm in on the joke, John,' I say with surprising vehemence. 'Sure you are,' he says, slightly taken aback, 'sure you are. I mean, that's why I ran with it for so long. We're just two guys ribbing each other, right? Anyway, I'll leave you alone now... lots to do myself. I hope you find time to get the flowers. And Aiden,' he says, touching me on the shoulder, 'Laura and I really appreciate that you're helping us out.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'You're welcome.'"|YoureWelcomeJohn]] [["[I turn away]"|ITurnAway]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<silently>> <<if $hamburglarJoke is true>> <<set $temptext to "I know my 'Hamburglar' joke wasn't the best setup">> <<elseif $tarzanJoke is true>> <<set $temptext to "I know my 'Tarzan' joke wasn't the best feed line">> <<elseif $monkeyJoke is true>> <<set $temptext to "I know my 'monkey could do it' joke wasn't the best setup">> <<elseif $travoltaJoke is true>> <<set $temptext to "I know my 'Saturday Night Fever' joke wasn't the strongest opening material">> <<else>> <<set $temptext to "I know my striptease put him on the wrong foot (BUG)">> <</if>> <</silently>>Ask any pro, John: the number one rule of comedy is generosity. Rule number one is 'Yes, and...'. $temptext, but together we could have developed it, taken it in exciting and unexpected directions. But no, you had to plough on [[selfishly|ThinkYouAreGloating]] with your [[Colonel Sanders routine|ReasonForSuit]]. Your loss, not mine.

'You always were my best man,' she said, and her voice was purring. <<if $girlshotel is true>>'Meet me here in the other hotel,' she said, and I cut in with '—The girls' hotel?', quick as a flash, and she said 'The ladies' hotel'. '—The girls' hotel?' 'The girls' hotel?' (so cheeky!) and she said 'The ladies' hotel. [[Where I am being made more beautiful than you could possibly imagine.|MoreConversation]]'<<else>>'Will you pick up the rings?' she said, and then I said 'Wait —' (like in a sitcom), 'Wait, there's more than one ring?' 'Wait, there's more than one ring?' I said —and she laughed and said 'Two rings for the two people in this potential marriage.' [[Potential marriage.|MoreConversation]]<</if>>

<<if $icouldbridesmaid is true>>'How about I replace the bridesmaids, too?' I said, and she laughed and said [['That won't be necessary.'|YouAlwaysWereHardcore]]<<elseif $extrapush is true>>'Will you give Orla an extra push from me?', I said, and she laughed and said [['That won't be necessary.'|YouAlwaysWereHardcore]]<<elseif $sortthemout is true>>'Want me to go in there and sort them out?' I said, referring to the bridesmaids, and Laura laughed and said [['That won't be necessary.'|YouAlwaysWereHardcore]]<<else>>'I want this day to be special for you,' I said, 'I want you to know that I'm thinking of you and I want this day to be so so special for you.' And she said [['Aiden, you're so sweet.'|YouAlwaysWereHardcore]]<</if>>

Yes, this suit is a statement. I suppose the symbolism appealed to me. The other guys all in dark suits, and me in white — people will know whose team I'm on. Team Laura. The bride's colours. [[The good guys|Selfishly]]. Especially now that I'll be at the altar. Two of us in the bride's party, and one of you. [[You'll be outnumbered, John.|ThinkYouAreGloating]]

A lesser lover would not even have shown up today. A lesser lover would have cast you aside years ago, when you chose John, not me. A lesser lover would have flown away, like a magpie, to the next shiny object.

Laura knows we're not even rivals, you and I — she'd never have asked me otherwise. You will stand next to her as bridegroom (a formal role), and I as something quite distinct, special, a role unbound by tradition, entirely its own — You see, what [[Laura and I|IHaveTheAdvantage]] have together transcends category, transcends all this, this ceremony, this marriage. It existed before, it will survive, [[it will endure long afterwards|NarrativeArc]].

You actually thought you were gloating, just now. You actually think this day is a [[humiliation|jealousyisyours]] for me. Well [[ask Laura|GladYouAsked]]: does she want to humiliate me? Does she? The fact is, this doesn't concern you, John. This isn't about you. I'm here to do a [[good deed|GuysInMyPosition]] for a friend — a very good friend. And the sad truth is that that's [[something a guy like you can't handle|NotAshamedOfGood]].

You think I'm jealous of you, but if there is jealousy, [[it's all yours|TakePride]]. Is my [[history with Laura|GladYouAsked]] a sore point? Or is it that [[I'm still around|IfYouWereMe]], still here, at your 'moment of triumph'? Or maybe it's because you know [[I have the advantage|IHaveTheAdvantage]].

I wish I could look at you, John, and say that's why, that's why she loves you, that's why you deserve her, that's why you must be together. But what have you got together, really? You hang out. You hang out together and that's what you've got, that's the foundation. You started hanging out together once and you hang out together now and maybe later you'll hang out again and that's it. That's your story. And that's your whole story. That's what you'll tell your — I mean there's [[nothing to tell|StoriesHaveMomentum]]. There's no narrative to it. There's no [[narrative|NarrativeArc]] to it or imperative to it. You can hang out with anyone. We all hang out. I hang out. <<set $youhangout to true>>

Yes, we're both guys, John — we both have that against us. But at least I try. That's the difference between you and me — at least I try to be a [[good person|NotAshamedOfGood]]. That's all I'm trying to do here, John — a [[good deed|GuysInMyPosition]] for a very good friend. But you might say I have an [[unfair advantage|IHaveTheAdvantage]] there.

<<if $youhangout is false>>Maybe it nags at you that my history with Laura has more to it than 'I hit on her once at a party'? <<else>><<set $youhangout to false>><</if>>Yes, John, I wasn't worthy of Laura either, but at least, at the very least, we have a story. And this one thing I know: there is no power in this world as great as the [[power of a story.|StoriesHaveMomentum]]

It's not that I'm the better person, exactly; it's that I'm not ashamed of trying. And your sneers tell me that I'm not just trying — I'm succeeding. It's always the same with [[guys like you|YouHangOut]]. You see someone set an example, and it puts you to shame, and you feel the need to lash out. But you can't criticise (reason), you can't chastise (morals), all you can do is mock. And so you mock. [[Disappointing, but not surprising.|IHaveTheAdvantage]]

The truth is, John, you remind me of myself, before I knew Laura. Before I learned — before she forced me to learn — what it is to care about another human being. To look outside myself, to empathise — to possess the beginnings of a moral sense. What capacity for good I have, I owe entirely to her. And I look at you, and I see you haven't let her in. You have resisted her. [[You just ride over her|NarrativeArc]]. You don't even know the wonderful person you are about to marry. And that makes me feel sorry for you, [[and for Laura|YouHangOut]].

The scene: Nassau Street, November, lamplight on the damp pavement. A crowd of students at the 15B stop. Huddling, swaying, stamping, jumping, chattering teeth. And at the edge of the picture, me, motionless against the college wall. [[I never felt the cold.|Fugitive]] <<silently>> <<set $bodytext to "The scene: Nassau Street, November, lamplight on the damp pavement. A crowd of students at the 15B stop. Huddling, swaying, stamping, jumping, chattering teeth. And at the edge of the picture, me, motionless against the college wall. I never felt the cold.">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " My stop was in Terenure, hers was in Tempelogue, further down the line. I pretended not to know the difference between Terenure and Tempelogue, and she pretended to be furious at this. She leaned across me to draw the Tempelogue junction with her finger on the damp on the window. It looked like a crotch. We laughed. We just sat there, giggling and giggling. ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[And then it was my stop and I had to go.|Hypersensitive]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "And then it was my stop and I had to go.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "an approaching diesel.", "an approaching diesel. [A familiar device from the sound editing repertoire: we hear the bus before we know what it is]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " And as I left the bus after my first encounter with Laura, and walked back to my digs, something strange happened to my perception, something I've never known before or since. Every stimulus was overwhelming. The cut and crack of every paving stone, so hard under my feet. The sharp line between light and shadow. The clop of every footstep, near and far, every rustle of leaves, every whining engine. The wet detail of every smell — drains, dogshit, next door's laundry. And the cold — ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[[I felt the cold in my bones.|ShutInMyRoom]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "I felt the cold in my bones.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "still we kept talking.", "still we kept talking. [A classic rule of three, each time more unlikely. Adds to the sense of experiencing a fairy tale, and/or a fable.]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " And then I heard her voice: 'Hey, classmate!' I'd heard her voice before — a chatty voice somewhere behind me in class, rising and then falling beneath the chorus, disembodied, ethereal — the voice of a ghost I didn't believe in. But now the ghost was flesh before me, she was flesh, condensing from clouds of hot breath, an undeniable physical presence, panting. A heaving chest, a face, a smile. A finger, pointing at me.">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [['Mechanics 141, and don't you deny it!' she said.|OnTheBus]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Mechanics 141, and don't you deny it!' she said.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "damp pavement.", "damp pavement. [Real Dublin locations: instant gravitas. Establishes a dialogue with past literary memoirs]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "edge of the picture,", "edge of the picture, [i.e. I'm not centered in my own narrative. Subtext: I am a distant figure even to myself]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "chattering teeth.", "chattering teeth. [i.e expressing feelings of cold. In contrast to me, neither expressing nor feeling]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "college wall.", "college wall. [Wall: symbolic of the barriers I had erected, between myself and others, and within myself]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " The next day, I shut myself in my room. I told my landlady I was sick. I considered dropping out of college. I thought I would have to drop out. For two days I shut myself in my room and all I could think about was dropping out of college. When I finally left the house, I didn't go to college, I walked in the opposite direction. One day after another, I stamped around the suburbs of South Dublin. I covered every cul-de-sac from Sandyford to Sallynoggin. ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[[I walked until my soles burned and my soles blistered.|Rathfarnham]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "I walked until my soles burned and my soles blistered.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "looked like a crotch.", "looked like a crotch. [More submerged eroticism: leaning across me, finger, dampness, the crotch]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Why, what did you have in mind?' 'I think—' says John, 'I think, when I'm at the altar with my bride, what I want beside me is a guy who looks like a fast food brand ambassador.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Would you rather I wore something else?'"|WoreSomethingElse]] [["'Better Colonel Sanders than the Hamburglar, I suppose.'"|BetterHamburglar]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Define \'dignity\',' I say. 'Dignity,' says John, 'is a guy who looks like a brand ambassador for fried chicken.'">> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Would you rather I wore something else?'"|WoreSomethingElse]] [["'Better Colonel Sanders than the Hamburglar, I suppose.'"|BetterHamburglar]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <</silently>>

@@color: gray; $bodytext@@ <<set $newtext to "Six weeks in college, and I was slave to a routine. Last in and first out of every class. Eating on my feet, at odd times, in intermediate spaces. The most obscure computer labs on campus. Evenings hiding in the Arts Library. The last bus home.">> @@color: white; $newtext@@ [[I lived like I was haunted by ghosts I didn't believe in.|Mechanics141]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " I lived like I was haunted by ghosts I didn't believe in.">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " If I said anything in reply — and I don't know if I did — it was drowned out by the rumble and wheeze of an approaching diesel. 'Yay, the 15B!' said Laura. 'I was afraid I'd missed it! And after busting a gut to get here, ugh, I'm so unfit.'">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Me too.'"|BoardingTheBus]] [['I'm a 14A man, myself.'|BoardingTheBus]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "haunted by ghosts I didn't believe in.", "haunted by ghosts I didn't believe in. [i.e. anxious but also jaded by my own anxiety, since I knew there was no good reason for it]")>> <</silently>>

And I know, oh believe me [[I'm well aware|TakePride]], that this particular good deed is beyond a guy like you. If you were me, if you had my [[history with Laura|NarrativeArc]], you wouldn't even have shown up today. You'd have flown away, years ago, magpie-like, to the next shiny object. To someone like you, John, my presence here must seem alien, pitiful, [[shameful|NotAshamedOfGood]], worthy of scorn. But that's because [[you have never known love|IHaveTheAdvantage]].

[img[The Story of Aiden and Laura, Part 1|aidenlaurastory1.png][NassauStreet]]<<scrollright>>

<<set $newtext to " I don't remember what I said, next — all I remember, all that matters, is that I said something — enough to bring a response, enough to make it a conversation. We stood in the queue, and we kept talking. We boarded the bus, and somehow, we kept talking. We sat together on the upper floor, amid the drunks and the smokers and the engine fumes, and ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[still we kept talking|RathminesRathgar]]. <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "still we kept talking.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "physical presence, panting.", "physical presence, panting. [Deliberate religious overtones here, allied (as they so often are!) to a hint of eroticism]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "deny it!' she said.", "deny it!' she said. [Bathos, necessary to undermine the bombast, relieve tension — just like Laura always does!]")>> <</silently>>

If you were me, if you had my [[history with Laura|NarrativeArc]], you wouldn't even have shown up today. You'd have flown away, years ago, magpie-like, to the next shiny object. To someone like you, John, my presence here must seem alien, pitiful, [[shameful|TakePride]], worthy of scorn. But that's because [[you have never known love|IHaveTheAdvantage]].

<<set $newtext to " Mechanics 141: I hovered at a safe distance until I saw them go in. After a minute I followed, head down, blinkers on, straight to the front row, took a seat, dug into my bag, notebook out, I saw no one, no one saw me. I tapped my pen on the page and looked straight ahead and waited for class to begin. And she just came over from wherever she was sitting and sat right beside me, and said 'Hey, stranger, it's been a whole week. You okay?'">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[And that was that.|AndThatWasThat]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " And that was that.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "dropping out of college.", "dropping out of college. [Repetition of words and sounds in this passage: intended to convey an obsessed state of mind]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Sallynoggin", "Sallynoggin [suburbs: a metaphor for my retreat from raw experience]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "blistered", "blistered [but raw experience keeps intruding; to some extent I even sought it]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " We were like old friends. It was like it had never been otherwise. I spent the rest of the day with Laura and her friends — and her friends were like my old friends, too. We spent the evening in a bar in Dawson Street, packed into a dark alcove, about ten of us. I tried some vodka. So many overlapping voices, so warm, tight and cosy — I must have drifted off. Laura poked me in the ribs.">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Morning Sleepy,' she said."|LauraPresence]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Morning Sleepy,' she said.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Rathfarnham", "Rathfarnham [deliberately quotidian surroundings; a contrast with the numinousness of the events]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "reflection on the glass.", "reflection on the glass. [reflection: symbolises the sense of self, awakened by Laura, which I tried to repress]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " There was no going back: from that day on, I had a new routine. Laura, close by me in class, Laura, sharing coursework, Laura every lunchtime. Laura always knew what to do, where to go, who to bring along. She brought me with her, and I followed. I followed the path of least resistance. With her, the days went by more easily. The days went by easily, and the evenings went by easily, ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[["and I could sleep at night."|BrownThomas]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "and I could sleep at night.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "no one saw me.", "no one saw me. [More 'show, don't tell'. Sparse, choppy prose conveys my anxiety]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " And then one night it came to me, in front of the bathroom mirror. I was brushing my teeth and my toothbrush was a flash of teal — toothpaste on special offer — and I looked into my eyes and it was the first time I looked in a mirror and saw someone I knew. And I knew that I loved Laura, and that I loved her totally and fearlessly and to the end of time. My face burned, my gums were raw. I spat blood and toothpaste. I gasped for breath, I shivered. ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[I felt mortal and material and vital and alive.|Mortal80sSong]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " I felt mortal and material and vital and alive.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "took her for granted.", "took her for granted. [again, foreshadowing]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "absence, and I didn't know why.", "absence, and I didn't know why. [this extra beat required to pace the moment of revelation]")>> <</silently>>

@@color:gray; $bodytext@@ All I knew was absence, [[and I didn't know why.|LauraAbsence]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " All I knew was absence, and I didn't know why.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "day you'll thank me.'", "day you'll thank me.'[I don't remember what I said exactly, but it all works]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " Laura was my new reality. My new context. She was there, I took her for granted. She was a presence. And then first year ended, and I went back home, ">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[[and all I knew was absence.|AchingAbsence]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "and all I knew was absence.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "path of least resistance.", "path of least resistance. [foreshadowing events in part 2 of our story]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "tied it snug.", "tied it snug. [another moment charged with subtle eroticism]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "to face a mirror.", "to face a mirror. [mirrors, reflections: a recurring symbol of self-knowledge. Significantly, Laura directs me towards one.]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " I spent a whole afternoon outside a supermarket in Rathfarnham. They had Christmas puddings on display, they had kitchen towels and toothpaste on special offer. I stood looking at the display window until the winter sun went down behind me and I could no longer see my reflection on the glass.">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[It was time to go back to my routine.|HauntedRoutine]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " It was time to go back to my routine.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "known before or since.", "known before or since. [Lot of 'show, don't tell here'. The subtext: Laura has awakened my ability to experience]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "laundry.", "laundry. [A deliberate earthiness about this set of examples. The cost of experience is that some of those experiences are not so pleasant]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "in my bones.", "in my bones. [cf. earlier: 'I never felt the cold']")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " We went shopping together one day. Laura wanted a scarf. 'And you're getting one too!' she told me. We were in the ground floor of Brown Thomas and she suddenly threw a scarf around my neck, and drew me towards her and tied it snug. 'Teal really suits you,' she said. She turned my shoulders to face a mirror. 'What do you think?'">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [['I don't know.'|IDontKnowScarf]] [['I don't need a scarf.'|IDontNeedScarf]] [["'Looks okay, I suppose.'"|LooksOkayScarf]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Sleepy,' she said.", "Sleepy,' she said. [She actually said something like that — something like she said to me this morning! It's as if our story acquires greater literary resonance every time we talk]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I don't know,' I said. 'Trust me,' said Laura, 'It's you. One day you'll thank me.'">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[Later, a teal scarf became part of my 'signature look'.|NewReality]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " Later, a teal scarf became part of my 'signature look'.">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'I don't need a scarf,' I said. 'You don't know what you need,' said Laura. 'Trust me, this scarf is you. One day you'll thank me.'">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[Later, a teal scarf became part of my 'signature look'.|NewReality]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " Later, a teal scarf became part of my 'signature look'.">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " 'Looks okay, I suppose.' 'It looks you,' said Laura. 'One day you'll thank me.'">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[Later, a teal scarf became part of my 'signature look'.|NewReality]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " Later, a teal scarf became part of my 'signature look'.">> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " I mimed a song in front of the mirror, a stupid ecstatic 80s song, I mimed singing into the toothbrush.">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[She mailed me the next day.|SheMailedMe]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " She mailed me the next day.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "bathroom mirror.", "bathroom mirror. [mirrors: again a symbol of self-knowledge]")>> <</silently>>

<<set $newtext to " She mailed me, and I replied, and it was just harmless chat, gossip, catching up, plans to meet up. But I was filled with joy, because I spoke to her for the first time as one who knows his own heart — for the first time as a real person.">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[And that was her first gift to me.|LaurasFirstGift]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " And that was her first gift to me.">> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "80s song", "80s song ['Africa' by Toto]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "shivered.", "shivered. [once again, experience -- even the experience of love — involves pain as well as joy. Foreshadowing the events of part 2]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "to the end of time.", "to the end of time. [at the climax of part 1, text and subtext are commenting on each other. While the text is that only through knowing myself could I love Laura, the subtext is that only through Laura could I know myself. She created me to love her, in a way.]")>> <</silently>>

But I know there is more to come. You told me as much this morning, Laura. Your wedding is not the end of our story. Instead, it's the end of a chapter, and the [[beginning of a new one|Chapter3Nick]].

<<if $youhangout is true>>Real stories<<else>>Stories<</if>> have morals, lessons, characters that learn and change and grow. <<if $youhangout is true>>Real stories<<else>>Stories<</if>> have an inner logic that cannot be contradicted, a truth that cannot be denied. And <<if $youhangout is true>>real stories<<else>>stories<</if>> have momentum. Once <<if $youhangout is true>>such <</if>>a story is in motion, [[we can no more stop it than we can stop the Earth turning|ChapterTitleAidenLaura1]].

<<set $newtext to " Laura, you revealed me to myself, Laura, you guided me home, Laura, you created me.">> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[And even if nothing more happens between us, I will be forever grateful to you.|EndOfAChapter]] <<silently>> <<scrolldown>> <<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " And even if nothing more happens between us, Laura, I will be forever grateful.">> <</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $nicktoast to true>> <<set $nickbacon to true>> <<set $nicksausage to true>> <<set $nickfriedegg to true>> <<set $nickscrambled to true>> <<set $nicktomato to true>> <<set $nickwhite to true>> <<set $nickblack to true>> <<set $nickfruit to true>> <<set $nickcereal to true>> <<set $nicktoasttext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickbacontext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nicksausagetext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickfriedeggtext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickscrambledtext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nicktomatotext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickwhitetext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickblacktext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickfruittext to "[BUG]">> <<set $nickcerealtext to "[BUG]">> <</silently>> <<audio "crimsonking" play volume 0.5>> [img[Chapter 3: Nick's Breakfast|chapter3.png][BreakfastBuffet]]<<scrollright>>

Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nicktoast to false>><<set $nicktoasttext to "Fried bread is better of course, but toast it is.">><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nickbacon to false>><<set $nickbacontext to "Don't mind if I do.">><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nicksausage to false>><<if $nickblack is false>><<set $nicksausagetext to "Currently the second-best variety of sausage on my plate.">><<else>><<set $nicksausagetext to "I'll take one of them.">><</if>><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nickfriedegg to false>><<if $nickbacon is false>><<set $nickfriedeggtext to "Sure. Goes with the bacon.">><<else>><<set $nickfriedeggtext to "Sure.">><</if>><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nickscrambled to false>><<if $nickfriedegg is false>><<set $nickscrambledtext to "Nah, enough eggs already.">><<else>><<set $nickscrambledtext to "Looks a bit watery, no.">><</if>><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nicktomato to false>><<set $nicktomatotext to "The healthy part of my breakfast.">><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "White pudding — correct answer! And the winner is Mr. Nicholas Sullivan (hey — that's me!), and my prize for choosing white pudding is another two slices of white pudding, and I'll have a fourth slice ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $newtext@@ [[just to round things off.|RoundThingsOff.]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $newtext + "just to round things off, for my first plate anyway.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $nickblack to false>><<set $nickblacktext to "Yes! Now we're talking.">><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nickfruit to false>><<if $nicktomato is false>><<set $nickfruittext to "I already have a tomato, let's not push it.">><<else>><<set $nickfruittext to "You're joking, right?">><</if>><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $nickcereal to false>><<set $nickcerealtext to "Nope. Come on, this still counts as a holiday.">><</silently>> Welcome to Seaview Hotel breakfast buffet! Today's selection: <<if $nicktoast is true>>[[Toast|CliffordToast]]<<else>>Toast: $nicktoasttext<</if>> <<if $nickbacon is true>>[[Bacon|CliffordBacon]]<<else>>Bacon: $nickbacontext<</if>> <<if $nicksausage is true>>[[Sausage|CliffordSausage]]<<else>>Sausage: $nicksausagetext<</if>> <<if $nickfriedegg is true>>[[Fried Egg|CliffordFriedEgg]]<<else>>Fried Egg: $nickfriedeggtext<</if>> <<if $nickscrambled is true>>[[Scrambled Egg|CliffordScrambled]]<<else>>Scrambled Egg: $nickscrambledtext<</if>> <<if $nicktomato is true>>[[Fried Tomato|CliffordTomato]]<<else>>Fried Tomato: $nicktomatotext<</if>> <<if $nickwhite is true>>[[White Pudding|CliffordWhite]]<<else>>White Pudding: $nickwhitetext<</if>> <<if $nickblack is true>>[[Black Pudding|CliffordBlack]]<<else>>Black Pudding: $nickblacktext<</if>> <<if $nickfruit is true>>[[Fruit|CliffordFruit]]<<else>>Fruit: $nickfruittext<</if>> <<if $nickcereal is true>>[[Cereal|CliffordCereal]]<<else>>Cereal: $nickcerealtext<</if>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Yes, white pudding, ">> <<set $newtext2 to " More remarkable even than the black pudding. I mean, let's face it, a tube of roughage soaked in ">> <<set $newtext3 to " is going to taste pretty damned good, however you prepare it.">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[the prince of sausages.|PrinceOfSausages]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[congealed pigs' blood|PigsBlood]] @@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "the prince of sausages." + $newtext2 + "congealed pigs' blood" + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " And 'prince of sausages' is already high praise, sausages of course being one of humankind's ">><<set $newtext2 to ", right up there with ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[best inventions|BestInventions]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[[the wheel and the printing press.|WheelPrinting]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "best inventions" + $newtext2 + "the wheel and the printing press.">><<set $yoghurtinvention to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " No, it's white pudding, with its mysterious and probably unspeakable ingredients, that's the ">><<set $newtext2 to " of ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[undisputed miracle|UndisputedMiracle]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[Irish cuisine.|IrishCuisine]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "undisputed miracle" + $newtext2 + "Irish cuisine.">><<set $yoghurtmiracle to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Irish cuisine.", "Irish cuisine")>> <<set $newtext1 to " — the ">> <<set $newtext2 to " of abbatoir effluent into something true and holy. It's the high point of Irish cuisine full stop, let alone the ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[transubstantiation|Transubstantiation]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [['Full Irish Breakfast'.|FullIrishBreakfast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "transubstantiation" + $newtext2 + "'Full Irish Breakfast'.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " I know. I've tried ">> <<set $newtext2 to " and they're simply not as good, and it's not often you can say that about anything ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[foreign puddings|ForeignPuddings]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[edible and Irish.|DumpOfAnIsland]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "foreign puddings" + $newtext2 + "edible and Irish.">><<set $foreignpuddings to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Now, if that were the miracle of communion, there would be a full-on stampede up to the altar. Might even ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[get me into church|GetMeToChurch]] [[on Sunday.|On Sunday]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "get me into church on Sunday.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Though of course anyone who refers to it as a 'Full Irish Breakfast', or worse, just a ">><<set $newtext2 to ", pass the vomit-bag, should be taken out and shot, which is probably half the country ">><<set $newtext3 to ", but so be it.">> <</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[["'Full Irish'"|FullIrishNoBreakfast]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[[at this stage|IrishMarketing]]@@color: white;$newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "'Full Irish'" + $newtext2 + "at this stage" + $newtext3>><<set $fullirish to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " The French boudin blanc, for instance, is pretty much exactly what we call a 'sausage' here, in other words it's 70% sawdust, the difference being that in a ">><<set $newtext2 to " like France that doesn't qualify it for the noble title of sausage. The sausage of course being ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[truly civilized country|TrulyCivilizedCountry]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[one of humankind's best inventions.|BestInventions]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "truly civilized country" + $newtext2 + "one of humankind's best inventions.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " So embarrassing, during my Erasmus year, when everyone had loaded up on their ">> <<set $newtext2 to " Pablo with his Jamon and his Lomo, Kostas with his ">> <<set $newtext3 to " and all I'd brought with me was a fun-pack of Meanies.... ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[national delicacies,|NationalDelicacies]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[crate of tomatoes,|GreekTomatoes]] @@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "national delicacies," + $newtext2 + "crate of tomatoes," + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " As it stands, this wedding will be the first time I'll have been inside a church since ">> <<set $newtext2 to " Or mid-1990 if you count ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Christmas 1987.|Christmas87]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[the incident in the school oratory.|OratoryIncident]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "Christmas 1987." + $newtext2 + "the incident in the school oratory.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Or 'of a Sunday' as they say in ">> <<set $newtext2 to " I remember this guy ">> <<set $newtext3 to " used to say that: 'I go to church of a Sunday'. Great way to ingratiate yourself at ">> <<set $newtext4 to " 'Damo'.">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[these parts.|IrishRiviera]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[Damian|Damian]] @@color: white; $newtext3@@ [[TCD,|PopularInTCD]] @@color: white; $newtext4@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "these parts." + $newtext2 + "Damian" + $newtext3 + "TCD," + $newtext4>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Every town here looks like it was washed up on the beach a century ago and left to dry. This 'Dunbawn' place is a mildewed hole....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden walks into the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Damian — what happened to him, I wonder? So many fallen comrades who never graduated with the ">> <<set $newtext2 to " Mostly ">> <<set $newtext3 to " it must be said.">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[class of '97.|ClassOf97]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[a bunch of tossers,|ABunchOfTossers]] @@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "class of '97." + $newtext2 + "a bunch of tossers," + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Might as well plant a bright green 'hick alert' sign on your back. Not sure what was the bigger faux pas, the 'of a Sunday' or the going to church. Hard to believe the faithful still walk among us....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden enters the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden enters the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " That guy with the tricorn hat. The rich kids with self-appointed nicknames: 'Sparks' and 'Nibs' and the aptly-named 'Tool'. The guy who looked exactly like the guy from Suede....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden walks into the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " So American. It's not like they wheeled in some sanctimonious arsehole to give us a commencement address....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden walks into the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext to " Aiden, my companion in suffering through the stag party. Maybe the only guy there who had a worse time than me? We definitely exchanged some anguished glances during the evening....">> <</silently>> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Hi Aiden.'"|NickGreetsAiden]] [["'Looking dapper this morning, Aiden.'"|LookingDapper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " And people kept asking me if I missed Irish food. I'm in France, for crying out loud, of course I don't. Even the stuff we had in the ">><<set $newtext2 to " — if you paid twenty pounds for that in Dublin, ">><<set $studentbuffet to true>> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[student buffet |StudentBuffetTCD]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[you'd be lucky.|LilleSteak]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "student buffet" + $newtext2 + "you'd be lucky.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " And in fairness I will say that those Greek tomatoes were like a different vegetable. A different fruit. So much flavour. Hard to believe the pasty things we have here are the same species....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " It's the transformation of the worst meat into the best meat, the ">><<set $newtext2 to " maximizing the nutrition, and ">><<set $newtext3 to " we get from an animal carcass.">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[redemption of the inedible,|RedemptionInedible]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[more importantly the pleasure,|MoreImportantEnjoyment]]@@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "redemption of the inedible," + $newtext2 + "more importantly the pleasure," + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Better, if you ask me. After all, our high regard for the wheel is only a prejudice inherited from Anglophone historiography, a kind of special pleading which ">><<set $newtext2 to " and neglects ">><<set $newtext3 to " like the sausage.">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext1@@[[valorises gadgets like the steam engine|ExponentialProgress]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[more lasting cultural achievements|TrulyCivilizedCountry]]@@color:white;$newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "valorises gadgets like the steam engine" + $newtext2 + "more lasting cultural achievements" + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " As if 'historical progress' were an ">><<set $newtext2 to " from the wheel to the steam engine to the microprocessor to the utopia we're going to build on Mars. I had to ">><<set $newtext3 to " that very notion in the 'Engineering and Society' module. Well, I convinced myself, ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext1@@[[exponentially-increasing curve|GDPBrokenMetric]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[debate against|FormalDebates]]@@color:white;$newtext3[[if no one else.|PositivistsInClass]]@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "exponentially-increasing curve" + $newtext2 + "debate against" + $newtext3 + "if no one else.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " That's a term completely unheard of before about 1993, when the country discovered ">><<set $newtext2 to ". All of a sudden we had to invent this niche brand identity to distinguish ourselves from the equally bogus and as far as I can tell identical ">> <</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[["marketing"|BillHicksMarketing]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[["'Full English Breakfast'."|EnglishBreakfast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "marketing" + $newtext2 + "'Full English Breakfast'.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext2 to " When my grandfather made the ">><<set $newtext3 to ", he called it a fry-up, always a simple fry-up, or maybe just ">> <</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[exact same dish|SameDish]]@@color: white;$newtext3@@[["'breakfast'."|JustBreakfast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext2 + "exact same dish" + $newtext3 + "'breakfast'.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Now, what was it Bill Hicks had to say about marketing? Oh yeah, something stupid and pandering. If ever a guy was overrated....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " I remember when he made it his pan was inch-deep in oil, parrafin I think it was, it's amazing his arteries held out so long. One way in which people have advanced today, I suppose....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " But I doubt any actual human being has ever had this 7000-calorie meal for breakfast, ">><<set $newtext2 to ", much like the equally bogus and as far as I can tell identical ">> <</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[["except in hotels"|ExceptInHotels]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[["'English Breakfast'."|EnglishBreakfast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "except in hotels" + $newtext2 + "'English Breakfast'.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Though the breakfast is by far the best thing about staying in hotels, if you ask me. Certainly the best thing about this hotel....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " And don't get me started on this spurious and one-sided national rivalry we have over breakfast ingredients. Like woo, our national breakfast has no baked beans! Though obviously baked beans are awful and form no part of the diet of anyone with the slightest bit of taste....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " The student food in TCD, on the other hand, Jesus Christ. That so-called carbonnade of beef. So many tubes in that meat you could start a panpipe orchestra. Grim stuff indeed....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<if $studentbuffet is true>><<set $newtext1 to " Pay the same in France, on the other hand....">><<else>><<set $newtext1 to " Though that said I've had some really good steaks.">><</if>><<set $newtext2 to " That dry-aged entrecote I had on my last night in Lille, holy crap. ">><<set $newtext3 to " Nearly bankrupted me at the time, but it was worth it. ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@@@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[Life-changing experience.|LifeChangingExperience]] @@color: white; $newtext3@@ [[I'd do it again.|IllDoItAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + $newtext2 + "Life-changing experience." + $newtext3 + "I'd do it again.">><<set $foodenjoyment to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<if $moreimportantenjoyment is true>><<set $newtext1 to "Actually, that's a life goal, right there.">><<else>><<set $newtext1 to " I will do it again. That's what I'm about, from here on in.">><</if>><<set $newtext2 to " Great meals, good times. All that drama from last year — I'm done with that forever. Not for me. If someone else is into that, let them at it....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@@@color: white; $newtext2@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + $newtext2 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Sometimes you've just got to go all-in on a great meal. It's all about choosing the moment. It's like that song my dad likes: You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Indeed, it is the sausage, metonymically speaking, which is the truest measure of 'progress' and global national development. So I say we drop ">><<set $newtext2 to " and replace it with ">><<set $newtext3 to " or something similar.">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[a broken metric like GDP|GDPBrokenMetric]] @@color: white; $newtext2@@ [[the Sausage Integrity Index|CulinaryExcellence]]@@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "a broken metric like GDP" + $newtext2 + "the Sausage Integrity Index" + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " The whole premise of it is flawed. Every year producing more. Every year fitter, better, stronger, bigger. Not going to happen in a finite world. Not going to happen in a finite life. It's a race to the bottom, if you ask me. A race we're guaranteed to lose....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Quite a different perspective on the wealth of nations. France would stay near the top, Morocco and Mexico would rise spectacularly, and our beloved neighbours would take a fall. And rock bottom, of course, would come the United States, or as I call it, the Great Satan....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Though of course formal debates are awful. I mean ">><<set $newtext2 to " is awful beyond words. The jargon, the 'point of order', the judges, the whole idea. ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext1@@[[the whole subculture|WholeSubculture]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[Just one big circlejerk.|BigCirclejerk]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "the whole subculture" + $newtext2 + "Just one big circlejerk.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " So many arch-positivists in my class, so many people who believe technology saves and redeems the world. ">><<set $newtext2 to " Was an engineering degree always so ideological? All I wanted to do was make cool stuff. Now I've got to make cool stuff and simultaneously evangelize for the most noble cause imaginable: ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[ The cult of Liberation Technology, I call it.|LiberationTechnology]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[['tech' and the virtue of 'tech'.|TechEvangelist]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "The cult of Liberation Technology, I call it." + $newtext2 + "'tech' and the virtue of 'tech'.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Though maybe all subcultures are the same or at risk. That's why it's big-C Culture only, for me. A Big-C Culture that's small-c catholic. Best way to resist the creep of jargon, cultists, would-be cult gurus....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " A personal low point: entering the Leinster provincial schools' debating championship, 1992. I still get sick thinking of those private-school hicks we were up against. So drilled and slick, all those canned phrases, all the right signals for the judges. They were from down here somewhere, weren't they? St. Something's College? Bunch of arseholes, anyway....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Christmas '87, the last time my grandfather guilt-tripped us into going to mass. He shows up hungover and hacking up phlegm, and that was it for my mother. She never took us again. We were delighted, of course: it was always the most boring time of the week....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden enters the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden enters the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Father Benny, an acoustic guitar, and his earnest Christian folk-pop act. Still the funniest thing I have ever witnessed in my life. Helpless with laughter from the first jangly chord, rolling on the floor, speaking in tongues. In its own way, it was like a visitation from the holy spirit....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden enters the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden enters the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " So much of the best and most 'classic' cooking involves the use of ">><<set $newtext2 to " coq au vin, ragu, bread pudding, ">><<set $newtext3 to " Even Irish stew.">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[leftovers and offal in creative ways:|LeftoversCreative]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[chicken soup.|ChickenSoup]]@@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Compared to the pleasure it brings, the virtues, nutritional or moral, of any food are very much secondary concerns. Oh yeah, ">><<set $newtext2 to ", but on the axis of 'good and bad', not ">> <</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[["I want only the good stuff"|LifeChangingExperience]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[["'good and evil'."|GoodAndEvilFood]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "I want only the good stuff" + $newtext2 + "'good and evil'.">><<set $foodenjoyment to true>><<set $moreimportantenjoyment to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<if $comfortfood is true>><<set $newtext1 to " But yeah, creative thriftiness is at the heart of good cooking. That's why I'm generally unimpressed by steak. Yeah, it's the ">><<else>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "leftovers and offal in creative ways:" + $newtext2 + "chicken soup." + $newtext3>><<set $newtext1 to " That's why I'm generally unimpressed by steak. Yeah, it's the ">><</if>><<set $newtext2 to " Big deal. Show me some proper ">><<set $newtext3 to " instead.">>.<</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[best cut.|LilleSteak]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[alchemy|FoodAlchemy]]@@color: white; $newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "best cut." + $newtext2 + "alchemy" + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext2 to " coq au vin, ragu, bread pudding, chicken soup. Even Irish stew. Though that said I'm not a big fan of chicken soup. And I'm even less a fan of the phrase 'chicken soup for the soul', ugh, nails on a blackboard. Another phrase I hate: ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[leftovers and offal in creative ways:|LeftoversCreative]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[["'comfort food'."|ComfortFood]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "leftovers and offal in creative ways:" + $newtext2 + "'comfort food'. ">><<set $comfortfood to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " It's like the whole concept of 'pleasure' must involve regression to the womb. True pleasure was found ">><<set $newtext2 to " and the best we can do now is grasp at memories. Well, bollocks to that.">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@[[ It's so infantile.|SoInfantile]]@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[only in childhood,|OnlyInChildhood]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " It's so infantile." + $newtext1 + "only in childhood," + $newtext2>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " I'm always suspicous of guys, ">><<set $newtext2 to " who say their favourite meal is steak. I must have a bleeding slab of red meat, anything else is too ">><</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[and it's always guys,|AlwaysGuysSteak]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[fussy and feminine.|FussyAndFeminine]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "and it's always guys," + $newtext2 + "fussy and feminine.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " A real man orders flavourless steaks by the pound in some godawful steakhouse. A real man furiously chews a sixteen-ounce strip of leather and insists he enjoys it. That's a steakhouse for you: a vision of the hell that results when ideology trumps experience, or equivalently, business trumps pleasure....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " In the hunter's tiny mind, the only permissible heroic act is throwing the spear. All that follows: preparation, cooking, dining, pleasure, civilization, just removes from his heroism, or worse, mocks it. The hunter's prize must be pure....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " All this idealization of childhood is sick. Children are terrible: whiny, self-pitying, selfish bullies, entirely lacking perspective. The best thing you can say about a child is that it will grow up one day. At least, some of them do....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " I mean, I had a happy childhood, but it's done. The best things are happening now. The more I've learned, the more I've learned to enjoy the good stuff. Innocence can go fuck itself....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " And it really is a cult. If I said this stuff to some of my peers, they'd excommunicate me. They've built a context for themselves in which all they say is right and good and necessary, and anyone who disagrees is actually evil. Maybe I just fell in with the wrong crowd....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " A lot of my old class are evangelists first and engineers second. And the simple reason is: they are second-rate engineers. Put it this way, if they were any good, they wouldn't make a fetish of their 'goodness'. The breeding ground of 'goodness' is mediocrity....">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Got to remove 'evil' from my moral compass, to purge that little priest from my head. To dismiss and not condemn. To say 'it's not that you're wicked, it's just that you're shit. Don't worry, your place in heaven is still secure....'">> <</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@ [["Aiden walks into the breakfast room."|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext to " 'Hi Aiden,' I say. He apparently hadn't noticed me and looks momentarily flustered. 'Oh... hi Nick,' he says. 'I'm... just going to get some breakfast.' He points towards the buffet table.">> <</silently>> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh, help yourself.'"|HelpYourselfAiden]] [["'Very good idea.'"|GoodIdeaAiden]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Still, the occasion might have been an opportunity to catch up with some old classmates. But it turns out none of the cool people show up to Laura's wedding. I'm shocked, shocked I tell you....">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@ @@color: white; $newtext1@@ [[Aiden walks into the breakfast room.|AidenWalksIn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + " Aiden walks into the breakfast room.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Strange to think that ">><<set $newtext2 to " a whole year ago, too. I've never really thought of us as 'the class of '97' before. Probably because that phrase ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[we graduated|QuelleSurprise]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[sticks in my craw.|ClassOf98]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "we graduated" + $newtext2 + "sticks in my craw.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext1 to " Great idea to drag everyone all the way down to the south coast for ">><<set $newtext2 to " by the way. It's not like it's the ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext1@@[[this wedding,|QuelleSurprise]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[Irish Riviera.|TheseParts]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "this wedding," + $newtext2 + "Irish Riviera.">><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext to " 'Looking dapper this morning, Aiden,' I say. He's already in his suit. Aiden looks flustered — he apparently hadn't noticed me. 'Oh... thanks,' he says. 'I'm... just going to get some breakfast.' He points towards the buffet table.">> <</silently>> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh, help yourself.'"|HelpYourselfAiden]] [["'Very good idea.'"|GoodIdeaAiden]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext to " 'Oh, help yourself,' I say as Aiden continues to the buffet. 'I'll still be here. Not even finished my first course! ">> <</silently>> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext@@[["Let's get our money's worth from this place, right?'"|SomeTimeForAiden]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>> <<set $newtext to " 'Very good idea,' I say as Aiden continues to the buffet. 'Most important meal of the day, at least until lunchtime! Pile on what you can. ">> <</silently>> @@color: gray; $bodytext@@@@color: white; $newtext@@[["Let's get our money's worth from this place, right?'"|SomeTimeForAiden]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " It's the same thing that drew me to Ash, I suppose: both of them ground under Laura's heels. I should never have let sympathy guide me on that occasion. ">><<set $newtext2 to " I knew it then, she knows it now, and ">><<set $newtext3 to " the truth has finally sunk in with Laura.">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[["The thing with Ash was a mistake."|AshThingMistake]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[["I can only assume"|LauraInvite]]@@color: white;$newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "The thing with Ash was a mistake." + $newtext2 + "I can only assume" + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Laura is the kind of person who needs to surround herself with ">><<set $newtext2 to " and if that's the choice, give me suckers like Aiden every time. That was how she treated Ash, too, until recently, and Ash is cool. ">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[suckers and lackeys,|SuckersAndLackeys]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[[Not that I'm saying the Ash thing wasn't a mistake.|AshThingMistake]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "suckers and lackeys," + $newtext2 + "Not that I'm saying the Ash thing wasn't a mistake.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " The worst mistake of my life was getting dragged into her orbit last year. And if I hadn't slipped up with Ash ">><<set $newtext2 to " But I can't blame Ash for that, ">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[it would never have happened.|LaurasBullshit]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[[I blame myself.|AshThingMistake]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "it would never have happened." + $newtext2 + "I blame myself.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Laura always took it worse than Ash, anyway. Ash and I are fine, totally fine, with each other. Actually, the only reason I'm here is because she asked me. Otherwise Laura's invite would have gone ">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[straight in the bin....|AidenHovers]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " That invite she sent me to her wedding — I would have thrown it straight in the bin if Ash hadn't asked me to come here. And it was Ash who pressured Laura to invite me. Turns out she's ">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[not the pushover Laura thought....|AidenHovers]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "Now, I actually have some time for Aiden. You could call it ">><<set $newtext2 to " Whatever it is, he's easily in the ">><<set $newtext3 to " of the ">> <</silently>> @@color: white; $bodytext@@[[sympathy for the downtrodden.|SympathyDowntrodden]]@@color: white; $newtext2@@[[less tainted half|LessTaintedHalf]]@@color: white; $newtext3@@[[Laura circle.|LauraCircle]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "sympathy for the downtrodden." + $newtext2 + "less tainted half" + $newtext3 + "Laura circle.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $breakfastattack to false>><<set $bodytext to "I become aware of Aiden hovering nearby, bearing a teaspoon and a little pot of yoghurt, looking indecisive.">><</silently>> @@color:white; $bodytext@@ [["'Not for me, thanks: I'm having a fry-up.'"|HavingAFryUp]] [["'Not much appetite this morning, then?'"|NotMuchAppetite]] [["'Please take a seat.'"|PleaseSitDown]]

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " The Ash thing was definitely a mistake, and for a while there it made me persona non grata in the ">><<set $newtext2 to " Enlisting her lackeys in her little campaign against me: Orla her attack dog and Deirdre her trained giggler. ">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[court of princess Laura.|AshThingMistake]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[[And now it seems she wants reconciliation.|LauraInvite]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "court of princess Laura." + $newtext2 + "And now it seems she wants reconciliation.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " I was on to Laura's bullshit early. I always gave her a wide berth, and by fourth year most of her former entourage had learned to do the same. Now there's only a handful of ">><<set $newtext2 to " left, and ">><</silently>> @@color: white;$bodytext@@@@color: white;$newtext1@@[[suck-ups and suckers|SuckersAndLackeys]]@@color: white;$newtext2@@[[at least one of them can't stand her.|LauraInvite]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext1 + "suck-ups and suckers" + $newtext2 + "at least one of them can't stand her.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not for me, thanks, I'm having a fry-up,' I say. 'Hey, just kidding,' I say in response to his continued bafflement, 'please sit down.' I motion to the chair opposite me. Aiden sits there and starts peeling at the lid of his yoghurt pot. 'I just felt like a yoghurt this morning,' he says.">><<if $fullirish is true>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'I'm not a fan of the Full Irish, so....'">><</if>><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<if $fullirish is true>>[["'Oh, me neither.'"|MeNeitherFullIrish]] <</if>><<if $comfortfood is true or $foodenjoyment is true or $foreignpuddings is true>>[["'Hey, is that an Aki yoghurt? I didn't know they still made those.'"|AkiYoghurt]] <</if>><<if $yoghurtmiracle is true>>[["'Isn't yoghurt kind of miraculous?'"|AmazingYoghurt]] <</if>><<if $yoghurtinvention is true>>[["'Isn't yoghurt an amazing invention?'"|AmazingYoghurt]] <</if>>[["'I like yoghurt, too, some mornings.'"|ILikeYoghurtToo]] [["'Just be careful with that pot.'"|HeyCarefulWithThatPot]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Please take a seat,' I say, motioning to the chair opposite me. Aiden sits down and starts peeling at the lid of his yoghurt pot. 'I just felt like a yoghurt this morning,' he says.">><<if $fullirish is true>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'I'm not a fan of the Full Irish, so....'">><</if>><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<if $fullirish is true>>[["'Oh, me neither.'"|MeNeitherFullIrish]] <</if>><<if $comfortfood is true or $foodenjoyment is true or $foreignpuddings is true>>[["'Hey, is that an Aki yoghurt? I didn't know they still made those.'"|AkiYoghurt]] <</if>><<if $yoghurtmiracle is true>>[["'Isn't yoghurt kind of miraculous?'"|AmazingYoghurt]] <</if>><<if $yoghurtinvention is true>>[["'Isn't yoghurt an amazing invention?'"|AmazingYoghurt]] <</if>>[["'I like yoghurt, too, some mornings.'"|ILikeYoghurtToo]] [["'Just be careful with that pot.'"|HeyCarefulWithThatPot]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not much appetite this morning, then?' I say, motioning for him to sit on the chair opposite me. Aiden sits there and starts peeling at the lid of his yoghurt pot. 'I just felt like eating a yoghurt, really,' he says.">><<if $fullirish is true>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'I'm not a fan of the Full Irish, so....'">><</if>><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<if $fullirish is true>>[["'Oh, me neither.'"|MeNeitherFullIrish]] <</if>><<if $comfortfood is true or $foodenjoyment is true or $foreignpuddings is true>>[["'Hey, is that an Aki yoghurt? I didn't know they still made those.'"|AkiYoghurt]] <</if>><<if $yoghurtmiracle is true>>[["'Isn't yoghurt kind of miraculous?'"|AmazingYoghurt]] <</if>><<if $yoghurtinvention is true>>[["'Isn't yoghurt an amazing invention?'"|AmazingYoghurt]] <</if>>[["'I like yoghurt, too, some mornings.'"|ILikeYoghurtToo]] [["'Just be careful with that pot.'"|HeyCarefulWithThatPot]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, me neither,' I say. 'I'm just respecting the occasion. I never usually — I mean, no one actually eats this stuff outside of hotels.' 'Laura and her family have a Full Irish for breakfast sometimes,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh do they? That explains a few things.'"|ThatExplainsFullIrish]] [["'Sounds nice.'"|GoodForThemFullIrish]] [["'I didn't mean literally no one....'"|NotLiterallyFullIrish]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hey, is that Aki Yoghurt?' I say. 'I didn't know they still made that stuff. That's the one with fifty percent sugar?'">><<if $comfortfood is true>><<set $newtext2 to " 'It was always my favourite yoghurt as a kid,' says Aiden.">><<elseif $foreignpuddings is true>><<set $newtext2 to " 'I've tried the other yoghurts, and I prefer this one,' says Aiden.">><<else>><<set $newtext2 to " 'It's not supposed to be a health food,' says Aiden. 'I just like it.'">><</if>><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@@@color:white; $newtext2@@ <<if $comfortfood is true>>[["'Comfort food, huh?'"|ComfortFoodYoghurt]]<<elseif $foreignpuddings is true>>[["'The other yoghurts they have here, you mean?'"|OtherYoghurtsHere]] [["'Same with me and white pudding.'"|SameWhitePudding]]<<else>>[["'Oh, I'm with you on that one.'"|ImWithYouAiden]] [["'I'm not suggesting it should be a health food...'"|NotSuggestingHealthFood]]<</if>> [["'Good for you.'"|GoodForYouAiden]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + $newtext2>><<set $breakfastattack to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<if $yoghurtmiracle is true>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Hey, isn't there something kind of miraculous about yoghurt?' I say. 'I was thinking about something similar earlier. It's like the transubstantiation of rotten milk into... something actually nice.'">><<else>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Hey, isn't yoghurt an amazing invention?' I say. 'I was thinking about something similar earlier. It's a stroke of genius, to take something basically inedible, rotten milk, and turn it into... something actually nice.'">><</if>><<set $newtext2 to " 'Hmmm,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext1@@@@color:white; $newtext2@@ [["'Just think of the lives it improved and saved....'"|LivesSavedByYoghurt]] [["'And some yoghurt is really good.'"|ILikeYoghurtToo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + $newtext2>><<set $reallyniceyoghurt to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<if $otheryoghurts is true>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Hey, have you ever tried a really good Greek yoghurt?' I say. '">><<elseif $reallyniceyoghurt is true>><<set $newtext1 to " 'And some yoghurt is really good,' I say. 'You know what my favourite is? Greek yoghurt. ">><<else>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Oh, I like yoghurt too, some mornings,' I say. 'You know what I like? Greek yoghurt. ">><</if>><<set $newtext2 to "The full-fat one, pour over some honey, chopped walnuts... luxury in a bowl.' 'I don't like it,' says Aiden. 'Too sour.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext1@@@@color:white; $newtext2@@ [["'Well, it's more like a rounded palate.'"|RoundedPalate]] [["'Well, it's not for everyone, I suppose.'"|NotForEveryoneYoghurt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + $newtext2>><<set $breakfastattack to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Just be careful opening that pot,' I say. 'Wouldn't want to get pink food dye all over your suit. It's happened to me before.' 'I'm being careful,' says Aiden. And indeed, he is being extraordinarily careful.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Yoghurt pots are dangerous things, aren't they?'"|DangerousYoghurt]] [["'I'm changing into my suit later.'"|ChangeSuitLater]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><<set $breakfastattack to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh do they? That explains a few things.' 'What do you mean?' says Aiden, suddenly defensive. I shouldn't have said that. 'Oh, you know... traditional breakfast, traditional wedding,' I say. 'Bit too traditional for me....">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... like the way the different sexes have to stay in different hotels.'"|DifferentSexesHotels]] [["'... like the obligatory stag and hen parties.'"|ObligatoryStagParty]] [["'... like the way we all had to come down to a village on the south coast.'"|VillageOnSouthCoast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sounds nice.' 'Yeah, they do a good Full Irish,' says Aiden. 'I liked the Full Irish at their place, and I don't usually like Full Irish at all.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well, it's not for everyone.'"|NotForEveryoneFullIrish]] [["'Good for you.'"|GoodForYouAiden]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, I — I didn't mean literally no one....' 'A lot of people start the day with a Full Irish, and not just in Ireland,' continues Aiden. 'So I don't think Laura's family are unusual in that way.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Sounds nice.'"|GoodForThemFullIrish]] [["'Not in that way, no.'"|NotInThatWayFullIrish]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, it's not for everyone,' I say. I want him to stop saying 'Full Irish', so I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out of the stag party early last night. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Good for you, Aiden,' I say. 'A man who knows what he likes, I admire that.' Aiden makes a noise like 'mmm' or 'hmmm', I can't tell which. I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out of the stag party early last night. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not in that way, no.' 'What do you mean?' says Aiden, suddenly defensive. I shouldn't have said that. 'Oh, you know... this wedding,' I say, 'it's all a bit weirdly... traditional, don't you think?">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... like the way the different sexes have to stay in different hotels.'"|DifferentSexesHotels]] [["'... like the obligatory stag and hen parties.'"|ObligatoryStagParty]] [["'... like the way we all had to come down to a village on the south coast.'"|VillageOnSouthCoast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Like the way the different sexes have to stay in different hotels. What's that about? ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... What, are we supposed to raid the girls' dorm?'"|RaidTheGirlsDorm]] [["'... None shall shag until the wedding night?'"|NoneShallShag]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Like the obligatory stag and hen parties. Hey, I saw you baled out of the stag party early last night. That was a good move. ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Like the way we all had to come down to this village on the south coast. The jewel that is Dunbawn, Co. Comerford. ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "Tough going, wasn't it?' 'Yeah,' Aiden nods. 'Real dorky kind of vibe,' I continue. 'Lot of in-jokes, but you can't blame them for that, I suppose. I baled out myself when they were going to start this LARP thing around town. I was nowhere near drunk enough for that.' 'Right,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Hey, you should have a drink at these occasions.'"|ShouldHaveADrink]] [["'I suppose that was their way of subverting the traditional stag party.'"|SubvertingTheStag]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared. The joke was that it was a male stripper. One of John's friends in a lab coat doing a routine. Well, I laughed anyway, though I'd had a few beers by that time.' 'Right,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Hey, you should have a drink at these occasions.'"|ShouldHaveADrink]] [["'I suppose that was their way of subverting the traditional stag party.'"|SubvertingTheStag]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Comfort food, huh?' I say. 'Good for you. Just what we all need on a day like today.' 'What do you mean?' says Aiden. 'Oh, you know... weddings,' I say, 'bit of a slog for everyone, aren't they? Like that stag party last night. Very good move you made, baling out early.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The other yoghurts they have here, you mean? Not a good selection?' 'No, I mean I've tried other yoghurts, and I prefer this one,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Really? I suppose I'm the same with white pudding.'"|SameWhitePudding]] [["'But have you ever tried a really good Greek yoghurt?'"|ILikeYoghurtToo]] [["'Good for you.'"|GoodForYouAiden]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><<set $otheryoghurts to true>> <</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Really? I mean... I suppose it's the same with me and white pudding. I've tried a few other kinds, but nothing beats the old Irish white pud. The prince of sausages, eh?' Aiden makes a sound like 'mmm' or 'hmmm', I can't tell which. I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out early on the stag party last night. Good move there.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, I'm with you on that one,' I say. 'One hundred percent. It's all about enjoyment for me, we've got that in common. I mean, look at me, 7000 calories here, and that's just my first plate.' Aiden makes a sound like 'mmm' or 'hmmm', I can't tell which. I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out early on the stag party last night. Good move there.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, I wasn't suggesting it should be,' I say. 'Don't get me wrong, food is one hundred percent about enjoyment for me. I mean, it's just that... you know, that doesn't necessarily mean a high sugar content....' 'Is it okay if I just eat this?' says Aiden. 'Oh sure,' I say, 'sure, I didn't mean....' I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out early on the stag party last night. Good move there.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, it's more like a rounded palate, you know, you've got the sourness offset by creaminess, the sweetness of the honey, some bitterness from the nuts coming through....' 'I don't like bitterness,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's just another flavour, really.'"|JustAnotherFlavour]] [["'Well, it's not for everyone.'"|NotForEveryoneYoghurt]] [["'Good for you.'"|GoodForYouAiden]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, it's not for everyone, I suppose,' I say. Aiden makes a noise like 'mmm' or 'hmmm', I can't tell which. I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out of the stag party early last night. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, bitterness is just another flavour, really,' I say. 'You've got to have a few bass notes as well, there's room for everything. It's all about finding a balance, getting flavours to complement each other....' 'Is it okay if I just eat this?' says Aiden. 'Oh sure,' I say, 'sure, I didn't mean....' I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out early on the stag party last night. Good move you made there.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yoghurt pots are dangerous things, aren't they?' I say. 'Not really, if you know what you're doing,' says Aiden. He succeeds in peeling back the lid, and starts scraping off the yoghurt on the underside with his teaspoon. I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out of the stag party early last night. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm changing into my suit later,' I say. 'Otherwise I'd just get bacon grease all over it. I'm like a pig in a trough here, hah.' Aiden makes a noise like 'mmm' or 'hmmm', I can't tell which. I change the subject. 'Hey, I saw you baled out of the stag party early last night. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I mean, just think of the lives improved and saved over the years by the invention of yoghurt,' I say, warming to my theme. 'I'm pretty sure penicillin saved more lives,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I wasn't being entirely serious.'"|BeingJocular]] [["'I meant in terms of food.'"|InTermsOfFood]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I mean, yeah, penicillin, that's true. I wasn't being entirely serious —' 'Aisling would probably have died as a child if it wasn't for penicillin,' says Aiden. 'She had a severe case of whooping cough.' What, is that a reprimand?">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I didn't know that. I'll catch up with her later.'"|CatchUpWithAsh]] [["'I don't know what this has got to do with Ash.'"|ToDoWithAsh]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh yeah, penicillin, sure, but, I mean, in terms of food —' 'Aisling would probably have died as a child if it wasn't for penicillin,' says Aiden. 'She had a severe case of whooping cough.' What, is that a reprimand?">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I didn't know that. I'll catch up with her later.'"|CatchUpWithAsh]] [["'I don't know what this has got to do with Ash.'"|ToDoWithAsh]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I didn't know that,' I say. 'I'll catch up with Ash later. You know, she's the one who asked me to come here? Otherwise, I would have skipped it. And after last night, I'm doubting why I came. Hey, I saw you baled out of the party early. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't know what this has to do with Ash,' I say. 'You know we're on good terms now, right? You know I'm only here because she asked me? Otherwise, I'd have stayed at home.' 'Okay,' says Aiden. 'And after last night, I'm doubting why I came. Hey, I saw you baled out of the party early. That was a good move.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Tough going, wasn't it?'"|StagPartyToughGoing]] [["'... Myself, I stuck around until 'the stripper' appeared.'"|TheStripper]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You really should have a drink at these occasions,' I say. 'Helps them go by more quickly.' 'I just don't like alcohol,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'If they served beer at breakfast, I'd have one now.'"|BeerAtBreakfast]] [["'Last night must have felt endless to you then.'"|LastNightEndless]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I suppose that was their way of subverting the traditional stag party,' I say. 'But if you ask me, the best way to subvert it is not to have one at all.' 'I suppose,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'The same goes for weddings.'"|SameGoesForWeddings]] [["'I wouldn't mind if they had subverted a few more traditions.'"|SubvertMoreTraditions]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Fair enough. All I'm saying is, if they served beer at breakfast, I'd be having one now. As it is, I'm counting down the hours. Not looking forward to today at all.' 'Why not?'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh, you know, weddings.'"|YouKnowWeddings]] [["'Because it's going to be at least eight hours until my next beer.'"|EightHoursToBeer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Last night must have felt endless to you then,' I say. 'And you know what? Today's shaping up to be endless too. Standing around pretending to be interested for eight hours. And the bar doesn't open till this evening.' 'I think today could be quite interesting,' says Aiden with sudden perkiness.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Wish I shared your optimism.'"|SharedYourOptimism]] [["'Why is that, then?'"|WhyWeddingInteresting]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The same goes for weddings. Not looking forward to today at all.' 'Why not?'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh, you know, weddings.'"|YouKnowWeddings]] [["'Because it's going to be at least eight hours until my next beer.'"|EightHoursToBeer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I wouldn't mind if they had subverted a few more traditions.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... like the way the different sexes have to stay in different hotels.'"|DifferentSexesHotels]] [["'... like the way we all had to come down to a village on the south coast.'"|VillageOnSouthCoast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, you know, weddings,' I say. 'Everyone standing around for hours pretending to be interested. And is it me, or does this particular wedding have more than the usual amount of bullshit?">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... like the way the different sexes have to stay in different hotels.'"|DifferentSexesHotels]] [["'... like the way we all had to come down to a village on the south coast.'"|VillageOnSouthCoast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Because it's going to be at least eight hours until my next beer,' I say. 'Maybe in the meantime I can take in the beauty of Dunbawn, Co. Comerford, the jewel of the south coast.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I wish I shared your optimism,' I say, 'though I don't know, I find a layer a cynicism protects me. I don't mean anything by it, you know.' 'Sure,' says Aiden. He has finished his yoghurt. We sit for a moment, and then the silence is broken by some seagulls bleating outside the window. 'The sounds of Dunbawn, Co. Comerford,' I say. ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Why is that, then? Has Laura got a surprise in store for us?' 'You'll see,' says Aiden, grinning. 'I've been surprised about a few things at this wedding already,' I say. 'Only not in a good way. ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... like the way the different sexes are in different hotels.'"|DifferentSexesHotels]] [["'... like the way we all had to come down to a village on the south coast.'"|VillageOnSouthCoast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places? Because I've yet to see the point of the trek from Dublin.' 'John's family are from the area,' says Aiden. 'It's supposed to be a picturesque fishing village.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Not in the middle of October it isn't.'"|MiddleOfOctober]] [["''Supposed to be' is right.'"|SupposedToBe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?' 'I don't know,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Bit of a dump, if you ask me.'"|BitOfADump]] [["'Not in the middle of October it isn't.'"|MiddleOfOctober]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not in the middle of October it isn't,' I say. 'And who has a wedding in the middle of October, anyway? Makes you wonder if they're in a hurry for some reason.' Aiden stands up, abruptly, almost knocking over his chair. 'I have to go now,' he announces. 'Laura asked me to do some things.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Got you running errands, has she?'"|RunningErrands]] [["'Oh, don't let me keep you.'"|DontLetMeKeepYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " ' 'Supposed to be' is right,' I say. 'You'd see more picturesque things in the end of a fishing net. And why bring us here in the middle of October, anyway? Makes you wonder if John and Laura are in a hurry for some reason.' Aiden stands up, abruptly, almost knocking over his chair. 'I have to go now,' he announces. 'Laura asked me to do some things.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Got you running errands, has she?'"|RunningErrands]] [["'Oh, don't let me keep you.'"|DontLetMeKeepYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Bit of a dump, if you ask me,' I say. 'A seaside town at the wrong end of summer. And who has a wedding in the middle of October, anyway? Makes you wonder if John and Laura are in a hurry for some reason.' Aiden stands up, abruptly, almost knocking over his chair. 'I have to go now,' he announces. 'Laura asked me to do some things.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Got you running errands, has she?'"|RunningErrands]] [["'Oh, don't let me keep you.'"|DontLetMeKeepYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Got you running errands, has she?' 'I really have to go,' says Aiden with some effort. 'Bye.' 'See you later,' I say as he hurries out. He has a peculiar way of running, bouncing his knees and barely moving his arms, almost like he's Irish-dancing. Poor guy. The breakfast room is empty now. The bleat of a seagull calls me to look out the window, ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ at the grey waters of [[Dunbawn Bay|PortduffHead]]. <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, don't let me keep you,' I say. 'I'm still only on my first course. I'm here for the —' '— I really have to go,' says Aiden with some urgency. 'Bye.' 'See you later,' I say as he hurries out. He has a peculiar way of running, bouncing his knees and barely moving his arms, almost like he's Irish-dancing. Poor guy. The breakfast room is empty now. The bleat of a seagull calls me to look out the window, ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ at the grey waters of [[Dunbawn Bay|PortduffHead]]. <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " What, are we supposed to raid the girls' dorm? Maybe that's what they did after the stag party.' 'I hope not,' says Aiden with unusual earnestness.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I don't think they did.'"|DontThinkRaid]] [["'It's so conservative.'"|SoConservative]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " None shall shag until the wedding night? No hetero couplings, anyway. Maybe that was the point.' 'They liked the tradition,' says Aiden, 'the separate hotels, I mean.'">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's so conservative.'"|SoConservative]] [["'Not much boy-on-boy action at the stag party, anyway.'"|BoyOnBoyStag]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's so conservative,' I say. 'That and the church wedding and especially the church wedding in a 'quaint' little town like Dunbawn, Co. Comerford.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not much boy-on-boy action at the stag party, anyway,' I say, 'at least not before I left. Maybe it turned into a big orgy afterwards. And obviously I can't speak for the hen party happening at the same time.' 'I don't think anything happened there,' says Aiden.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'So that's where you went last night?'"|ThatsWhere]] [["'Disappointing, huh?'"|DisappointingHuh]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't think they did,' I say. 'Not sure such antics would go down well in a quaint little town like Dunbawn, Co. Comerford, anyway.">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So that's where you went last night, huh?' 'No, no,' says Aiden. 'Just kidding,' I say. We sit for a moment, and then the silence is broken by some seagulls bleating outside the window. 'The sounds of Dunbawn, Co. Comerford,' I say. ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Disappointing, huh?' 'What? No that's not what I meant,' says Aiden. 'Just kidding,' I say. We sit for a moment, and then the silence is broken by some seagulls bleating outside the window. 'The sounds of Dunbawn, Co. Comerford,' I say. ">><</silently>> @@color:grey; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@' [["'... Hey, do you know why John and Laura insisted that we come here, of all places?'"|MadeUsAllComeDown]] [["'... Hey, Dunbawn's not much to look at, is it?'"|NotMuchToLookAt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "Dunbawn (D/un Bh/an, 'White Fortress'), pop. 3,354 (1987 census), coastal town in E Co. Comerford, now primarily centre for regional tourism. Site of minor uprising 1798 rebellion. Evidence of raids and settlement by Vikings ca. c10th onwards; fortifications established by Normans in c13th to guard E approach to nearby Comerford city; fortifications destroyed by Cromwell 1649.">> <<audio "oliversarmy" play volume 0.25>><</silently>> @@color:white; $bodytext@@ <<timed 12s>>[["'And what has Cromwell got to do with it?'"|CromwellGotToDo]]<</timed>>

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<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And what has Cromwell got to do with it?' I ask. So typical of Bill, to be going on about Cromwell at a time like this. 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret!' says Bill. 'I'm just trying to put things in historical context.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I'd like to put you in historical context.'"|HistoricaContext]] [["'Well fat lot of good that is.'"|FatLotOfGood]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And did Cromwell have all-night drunken stag parties?' I say. Bill takes a moment to ponder the question. 'It's not known whether Cromwell ever attended a stag party, as such,' he says finally. 'But he was of course a devout Puritan, a very serious man, so it's likely that parties in general were not, let's say, his favourite activity —'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'What I'm saying is that I didn't sleep a wink last night.'"|NotOneWink]] [["'What I'm saying is that there is a piss stain on our wall.'"|PissStain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And was it Cromwell's army who pissed against our wall?' I say. Bill takes a moment to ponder the question. 'It's not inconceivable,' he says finally, 'that a soldier in the New Model Army pissed against the wall here. Certainly a number of atrocities were committed after the capture of the town. But you've got to understand that by the standards of the 17th century, they were an unusually disciplined fighting force, indeed in my mind unquestionably the premier —'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'What I'm saying is that I didn't sleep a wink last night.'"|NotOneWink]] [["'What I'm saying is that there is a fresh piss stain on our wall.'"|PissStain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'd like to put you in historical context,' I say. It's been like this every morning since his retirement. He sets himself up behind the counter of my flower shop, just by the window, and works through a pot of tea and the daily paper, and scares off the customers, and talks about 1798 and Cromwell and the Vikings.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'And did Cromwell have all-night drunken stag parties?'"|AllNightStagParties]] [["'And was it Cromwell's army who pissed against our wall?'"|PissedAgainstWall]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well fat lot of good that is,' I say. It's been like this every morning since his retirement. He sets himself up behind the counter of my flower shop, just by the window, and works through a pot of tea and the daily paper, and scares off the customers, and talks about 1798 and Cromwell and the Vikings.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'And did Cromwell have all-night drunken stag parties?'"|AllNightStagParties]] [["'And was it Cromwell's army who pissed against our wall?'"|PissedAgainstWall]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What I'm saying is that I didn't sleep a wink last night. Not one wink!' 'Sure it wouldn't take much to keep you awake,' says Bill. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's well for you to say that, Bill.'"|WellForYouBill]] [["'And what exactly do you mean by that?'"|WhatDoYouMeanSleep]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What I'm saying is that there is a fresh piss-stain all down our wall, and I am not going to clean it up this time!' 'Sure you didn't clean up the last one either,' says Bill. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I'm not waiting for the council to do it.'"|WaitForTheCouncil]] [["'And what exactly do you mean by that?'"|WhatDoYouMeanSleep]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><<set $cleanpiss to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's well for you, Bill,' I say, 'you'd snore your way through a hurricane. But I have to live and work in this town!' And to emphasize the point, I aim a quick shot of mist at the carnations. Something has to be done about this — about the stag parties and about Bill. Something has to get him up off his arse and out of my shop window. I thought the local history society would help, but it turns out they're a bad influence. 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret,' he says. 'I'm just saying you've never been a good sleeper.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's been like this every weekend this summer.'"|EveryWeekendSummer]] [["'They should ban these stag parties.'"|TheyShouldBan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And what exactly do you mean by that?' I say. 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret,' says Bill, ">><<if $cleanpiss is true>><<set $newtext to $newtext + "'I'm just saying it's the council's job.'">><<else>><<set $newtext to $newtext + "'I'm just saying you've always been a light sleeper.'">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'Hmmph,' I say. Something has to be done about this — about the stag parties and about Bill. Something has to get him up off his arse and out of my shop window. I thought the local history society would help, but it turns out they're a bad influence.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's been like this every weekend this summer.'"|EveryWeekendSummer]] [["'They should ban these stag parties.'"|TheyShouldBan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm not waiting three weeks for someone from the council to come round here with a bucket,' I say. 'This is something we have to nip in the bud.' And to emphasize the point, I pick up the secateurs. Something has to be done about this — about the stag parties and about Bill. Something has to get him up off his arse and out of my shop window. I thought the local history society would help, but it turns out they're a bad influence. 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret,' he says. 'I'm just saying it's the council that should do it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'I wouldn't mind nipping a few more things in the bud.'"|NippingMore]] [["'It's been like this every weekend this summer.'"|EveryWeekendSummer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's been like this every weekend this summer,' I say. 'Stag parties and hen parties, Dublin yobs, and if it's not the Seaview it's the one up the street. Lowering the tone of the place.' 'The weddings do bring us a bit of business, though.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'That's another thing.'"|SixPinkRoses]] [["'You call this business?'"|CallThisBusiness]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I wouldn't mind nipping a few more things in the bud,' I say, using the secateurs to demonstrate. 'That might solve our problems.' 'Bit drastic that,' says Bill. 'The romantic impulse is the source of our business, after all.' ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'That's another thing.'"|SixPinkRoses]] [["'You call this business?'"|CallThisBusiness]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's another thing,' I say. 'Six pink roses, individually wrapped. Six! That's their entire order. They wouldn't even stretch to a whole bouquet!' 'Probably shipped the rest down from Dublin. We're a last-minute addition.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well you can be sure they're paying last-minute prices.'"|LastMinutePrices]] [["'Probably the whole wedding is last-minute.'"|LastMinuteWedding]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You call this business?' I say. 'You know what they ordered? Six pink roses, individually wrapped. Six! They wouldn't even stretch to a whole bouquet!' 'Probably shipped the rest down from Dublin. We're a last-minute addition.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well you can be sure they're paying last-minute prices.'"|LastMinutePrices]] [["'Probably the whole wedding is last-minute.'"|LastMinuteWedding]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well you can be sure they're paying last-minute prices.' 'This crowd sounded a cut above the usual, though,' says Bill. 'Educated.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well no one educated them not to piss on the wall.'"|EducatedNotToPiss]] [["'Educated piss is still piss, Bill.'"|EducatedPiss]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well no one educated them not to piss on the wall.' 'We don't know it was them. It might have been our local shower. It might have been a dog.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's four feet up the wall, Bill.'"|FourFoorUp]] [["'No matter. Something has to be done.'"|NoMatterPiss]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Educated piss is still piss, Bill,' I say. 'It doesn't clean itself off the wall.' 'We don't know if it was them from the stag party,' says Bill. 'It might have been our local shower. It might have been a dog.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's four feet up the wall, Bill.'"|FourFoorUp]] [["'No matter. Something has to be done.'"|NoMatterPiss]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's four foot up the fucking wall, Bill. The day I see a dog that can piss that high is the day I die.' 'Ah now there's no need to use that kind of language, Margaret.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well what am I supposed to do?'"|WhatAmIToDo]] [["'They're the ones that started it.'"|TheyStartedIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No matter. Something has to be done. I'm going to have a word with Ben Clifford.' 'Sure you might as well talk to your arse as talk to Ben Clifford.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well what am I to do then, Bill?'"|WhatAmIToDoClifford]] [["'Well then please tell me your constructive suggestion.'"|ConstructiveSuggestion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well what am I supposed to do then, Bill? Put up a sign saying 'Don't 'urinate' here, it's not a fucking toilet'?' 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret!' says Bill. 'I'm just saying, last night wasn't as bad as some weekends we've had. The hen parties are always worse.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'At least at hen parties they know how to piss straight.'"|HenPartiesPiss]] [["'No, the stag parties are worse.'"|StagPartiesWorse]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'One of those little bastards took the first shot when he aimed at our wall. I'll describe him how I fucking like.' 'Well that's true enough,' says Bill. 'It's like the New Model Army, they took the first shot at Dunbawn Castle, no warning. Came up here with six-pound cannons. Our boys had no chance, really.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's not the New Model Army that's our problem, it's drunken yobs!'"|DrunkenYobsArmy]] [["'Oh here we go, the New Model Army.'"|HereWeGoNewModelArmy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well then please tell me your very constructive suggestion, Bill.' 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret!' says Bill. 'I'm just saying, Ben Clifford doesn't call the shots anymore. The Seaview is a Walton Court now. And Walton Court couldn't care less.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well that's true enough.'"|ThatsTrueEnough]] [["'Walton Court should care about their reputation.'"|WaltonCourtCare]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well what am I to do then, Bill? Put up a sign saying 'Don't piss here'?' 'I'm agreeing with you, Margaret!' says Bill. 'I'm just saying, Ben Clifford doesn't call the shots anymore. The Seaview is a Walton Court now. And Walton Court couldn't care less.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well that's true enough.'"|ThatsTrueEnough]] [["'Walton Court should care about their reputation.'"|WaltonCourtCare]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'At least at the hen parties they know how to piss straight.' 'I wouldn't be too sure about that,' says Bill, 'the way some of those ones hike up their drawers.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Jesus, Bill.'"|JesusBill]] [["'Men are the bigger problem, Bill.'"|StagPartiesWorse]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well that's true enough,' I say. 'He should never have sold that hotel. His da would have killed him.' 'Locally-owned businesses just can't compete,' says Bill. 'It's like the New Model Army all over again. Our boys in Dunbawn Castle were very capable warriors, no question, but the simple fact is they were no match for a committed and disciplined force of the calibre of the New Model Army.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's not the New Model Army that's our problem, it's drunken yobs!'"|DrunkenYobsArmy]] [["'Oh here we go, the New Model Army.'"|HereWeGoNewModelArmy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's not the New Model Army that's our problem, it's drunken yobs!' 'But they weren't drunken yobs, that was the thing. They were hand-picked men, dedicated to the cause, fanatics even. Cromwell had a quote about that, what was it... it's in this book here.' Bill roots around in his history book. And while he's at it, ding-dong, the shop door opens, and in walks one of the youngsters from the stag party, with a white suit and an innocent face on him like nothing happened last night.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Can I help you?'"|CanIHelpYou]] [["'You had a good night's sleep then?'"|GoodNightsSleep]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Can I help you?' I ask him. 'I'm — I'm here to collect an order for Laura Kelly,' he says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura Kelly?'"|LauraKelly]] [["'Let me check.'"|LetMeCheck]] [["'I've got your order for you right here.'"|GotItRightHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You had a good night's sleep then?' I ask him. 'Uh, I — um,' he stammers before composing himself to say: 'I'm here to collect an order for Laura Kelly.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Laura Kelly?'"|LauraKelly]] [["'Let me check.'"|LetMeCheck]] [["'I've got your order for you right here.'"|GotItRightHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Laura Kelly? Let me see, did I ever hear of a Laura Kelly... I don't think so. Bill, do we know a Laura Kelly?' I say, but Bill is still rooting in his book. 'I — I don't know if she was ever here in person,' the young man says, visibly concerned.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Maybe she was. Can you describe her?'"|DescribeLaura]] [["'No, I don't think she was.'"|IDontThinkSheWas]] [["'Let me check the books.'"|LetMeCheck]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Let me check,' I say, going behind the counter and making a show of leafing through my order book.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'John and Laura, is it?'"|JohnAndLauraFlowers]] [["'Oh, are you with the wedding party?'"|WeddingPartyFlowers]] [["'I've got your order for you right here.'"|GotItRightHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I've got your order for you right here,' I say, producing the small clear plastic box of individually-wrapped roses. 'Six pink roses — you can count them if you like. And there's your receipt.' 'Thank you,' he says, and I can see him actually counting the roses. 'I believe these have been paid for already?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well, if they're not paid for yet, they will be.'"|TheyWillBePaid]] [["'That's why I gave you the receipt.'"|GaveYouReceipt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't think she was,' I say. The young man is on the edge of panic. 'But I'm quite sure she made an order here,' he says, 'she told me herself and specifically asked me to pick it up. Can you maybe check your records or something?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh, are you with the wedding party?'"|WeddingPartyFlowers]] [["'Let me check.'"|LetMeCheck]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe she was. Can you describe her?' 'She's —' he begins and then blushes bright red. 'I'm quite sure she made an order here, she told me herself and specifically asked me to come here.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Oh, are you with the wedding party?'"|WeddingPartyFlowers]] [["'Let me check the books.'"|LetMeCheck]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><<set $friendofthebride to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, are you with the wedding party?' 'Yes, yes, the wedding party.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'John and Laura, is it?'"|JohnAndLauraFlowers]] [["'I've got your order for you right here.'"|GotItRightHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John and Laura, is it?' 'Er, yes, that's right.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Are you John?'"|AreYouJohn]] [["'I've got your order for you right here.'"|GotItRightHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Are you John?' 'No!' he says. 'No, I'm a friend of, uh, of the bride. Laura asked me to pick up the order.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'You must be a very good friend, then.'"|LauraVeryGoodFriend]] [["'I've got your order for you right here.'"|GotItRightHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><<set $friendofthebride to true>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You must be a very good friend, then.' 'Yes,' he whimpers. 'Anyway, I've got your order for you right here,' I say, producing the small clear plastic box of individually-wrapped roses. 'Six pink roses — you can count them if you like. And there's your receipt.' 'Thank you,' he says, and I can see him actually counting the roses. 'I believe these have been paid for already?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well, if they're not paid for yet, they will be.'"|TheyWillBePaid]] [["'That's why I gave you the receipt.'"|GaveYouReceipt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, if they're not paid for yet, they will be, don't you worry about that,' I say. 'Now, would you like anything else?">><<if $friendofthebride is true>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " A little something for Laura, maybe?' He blushes again. 'I really just have to go,' he says. 'Thank you very much.'">><<else>><<set $newtext to $newtext + "' The question seems to take the young man by surprise. It's as if the thought of buying something in a flower shop never occurred to him. 'No, I— I really have to get going,' he says. 'Thank you very much.'">><</if>><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'You're welcome.'"|YoureWelcomeFlowerShop]] [["'Bye.'"|ByeFlowerShop]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yes, that's why I gave you the receipt,' I say. 'Now, would you like anything else?">><<if $friendofthebride is true>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " A little something for Laura, maybe?' He blushes again. 'I really just have to go,' he says. 'Thank you very much.'">><<else>><<set $newtext to $newtext + "' The question seems to take the young man by surprise. It's as if the thought of buying something in a flower shop never occurred to him. 'No, I— I really have to get going,' he says. 'Thank you very much.'">><</if>><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'You're welcome.'"|YoureWelcomeFlowerShop]] [["'Bye.'"|ByeFlowerShop]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're welcome,' I say as he backs towards the door. 'Better a plain russet-coated Captain!' bellows Bill suddenly, startling everyone in the room. 'Better a plain russet-coated Captain, that knows what he fights for, and loves what he knows, than that which you call a Gentle-man and is nothing else!' 'Cromwell,' says Bill, addressing the young man, 'the New Model Army. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[["What do you think of that?'"|WhatDoYouThinkCromwell]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "What do you think of that?'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Bye,' I say as he backs towards the door. 'Better a plain russet-coated Captain!' bellows Bill suddenly, startling everyone in the room. 'Better a plain russet-coated Captain, that knows what he fights for, and loves what he knows, than that which you call a Gentle-man and is nothing else!' 'Cromwell,' says Bill, addressing the young man, 'the New Model Army. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[["What do you think of that?'"|WhatDoYouThinkCromwell]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "What do you think of that?'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I — I don't know,' he says. 'And that,' says Bill, fixing him a stare, 'is why Dunbawn Castle was lost.' For a moment the young man stands open-mouthed at the door, his body rigid, as if he's paralyzed by Bill's gaze. 'Er —' he says eventually. 'You can go now,' Bill says. 'Thanks,' the young man says ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [[and hurries out the door.|HurriesOutFlowers]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "and hurries out the door.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Jesus, Bill, the kind of things you have on your mind. Is that what you're thinking about when you're sitting there?' 'I'm only telling the truth,' says Bill, 'I've seen it with my own eyes. The carry-on at those hen parties is shocking.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'You know what's shocking?'"|YouKnowWhatsShocking]] [["'The stag parties are the worst, and you know it.'"|StagPartiesWorse]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I look at Bill and we burst out laughing. 'The face on him!' I say. 'You know, I think we might have gained a new regular customer,' says Bill and we laugh again. 'Are we awful, Bill?' I ask him. 'Oh, I'm awful all right,' says Bill. 'But you, my dear, are still the glory of Dunbawn.' 'You might just be right there,' I say, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@[[and I bend over and give him a kiss.|LauraCallsAgain]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh here we go, the New Model Army.' 'You've got to understand that they were no ordinary rabble,' says Bill. 'They were hand-picked men, dedicated to the cause, fanatics even. Cromwell had a quote about that, what was it... it's in this book here.' Bill roots around in his history book. And while he's at it, ding-dong, the shop door opens, and in walks one of the youngsters from the stag party, with a white suit and an innocent face on him like nothing happened last night.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Can I help you?'"|CanIHelpYou]] [["'You had a good night's sleep then?'"|GoodNightsSleep]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Come on, Bill, the stag parties are much worse than the hen parties, and you know it. Men. Men are the problem. Getting pissed and getting their thing out and marking their territory like dogs.' 'But not all men are like that,' says Bill, 'the New Model Army, for instance, they were a different proposition entirely.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's not the New Model Army that's our problem, it's drunken yobs!'"|DrunkenYobsArmy]] [["'Oh here we go, the New Model Army.'"|HereWeGoNewModelArmy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Probably the whole wedding is last-minute,' I say. 'An afterthought after last night's piss-up.' 'This crowd sounded a cut above the usual, though,' says Bill. 'Educated.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'Well no one educated them not to piss on the wall.'"|EducatedNotToPiss]] [["'Educated piss is still piss, Bill.'"|EducatedPiss]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You know what's shocking?' I say. 'That all this is happening at the Seaview. That used to be a respectable establishment. Ben Clifford should never have sold that hotel.' 'He had no choice,' says Bill. 'Locally-owned business just can't compete. It's like the New Model Army all over again.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's not the New Model Army that's our problem, it's drunken yobs!'"|DrunkenYobsArmy]] [["'Oh here we go, the New Model Army.'"|HereWeGoNewModelArmy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Walton Court should care about their reputation.' 'Walton Court only care about the bottom line,' says Bill. 'It's a different way of doing business entirely, it's the Protestant Work Ethic. It was the same with the New Model Army. Our boys in Dunbawn Castle had never come up against anything like it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'It's not the New Model Army that's our problem, it's drunken yobs!'"|DrunkenYobsArmy]] [["'Oh here we go, the New Model Army.'"|HereWeGoNewModelArmy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'They should ban these stag parties,' I say. 'And the hen parties, while they're at it. We never had such a thing, did we? All they do is lower the tone of the place.' 'The weddings do bring us a bit of business, though,' says Bill.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white; $newtext@@ [["'That's another thing.'"|SixPinkRoses]] [["'You call this business?'"|CallThisBusiness]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "It never fails to move me. Over the lip of Callowey Hill, and the salt air and the sea and the sight of ">><<set $newtext to ", stretched majestic across the bay.">><</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@[[Portduff Head|SteeperCliffs]]@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "Portduff Head" + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " There are steeper cliffs down the coast, and higher, and ">><<set $newtext2 to ", but still there's ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[craggier|WestCraggier]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[no view in Ireland to match this one.|NoViewInIreland]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "craggier" + $newtext2 + "no view in Ireland to match this one.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Everything is craggier in the West, rocks grow where trees grow here. Green is never this green in the West, it's the other colour green. Let the tourists go west if they will, but ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[they'll never see a sight like this:|NoViewInIreland]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "they'll never see a sight like this:">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Not in springtime, when the gorse in is flower, and the headland sparkles gold in the morning sun; Not in winter, when the black cliffs stand firm against the swell and the spray; And especially not on a crisp autumn day like today, when the sea is still, and the grey light melts into the bay, and the headland crouches in the haze, spread out like a sphinx, a mythic beast — Even you lift up your snout for this one, Toby, and God knows, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[you don't lift up your snout for much anymore.|LiftUpSnout]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "you don't lift up your snout for much anymore.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " It wasn't always that way, was it, Toby. Once you stuck your nose in every hole and cleft and corner, all those exciting smells, all new, all different, so much potential, a world to explore. But now you're jaded, Toby. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[Same as myself.|JadedLikeMyself]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "Same as myself.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " We've smelled them all before, all those smells, haven't we, Toby. One's shit and the other's shite, aren't they Toby. We've smelled them all before. That's what I tell Maire and she tries to tell me otherwise, God love her. All her videos and her books about fairies. Maire and her video machine, I should give that back to her, and her mobile phone, what use would I have for that. She means well, but I've seen it all before, I tell her. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[It's all variations on a theme.|VariationsOnATheme]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "It's all variations on a theme.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " It's all variations and recombinations on a theme, I tell her. I've seen it all before, and I've got no time for any of that. All I've got time for is this. You and me, Toby. You and me and Portduff Head. ">><<set $newtext2 to ", the sight of it ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[It all comes back to Portduff Head|BackToPortduff]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[never fails to move me.|MovesMeEnough]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "It all comes back to Portduff Head" + $newtext2 + "never fails to move me.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " It has been the constant, while friends have come and gone, and pleasures, and loved ones. ">>My Katie <<set $newtext2 to " came and went, and there were other dogs before you, Toby, but Portduff Head still stands. Sometimes I feel the point of my time on Earth was to bear witness to this rock, at a moment in time, its ">> <<set $newtext3 to " stand against the tide. And in that I feel a kind of consolation.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[My Katie|UnderstandCatherine]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[proud|ProudOfARock]]@@color:white;$newtext3@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "My Katie" + $newtext2 + "proud" + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " And still, it never moves me enough. All my life I've been caught at fleeting moments by a sudden glow. Do you know the glow, Toby? It's never more than a halo at the edge of vision, it's almost a memory. But it contains a light so pure, a beauty so terrible and irresistible — the sublime, they call it, Toby. Oh, I'd do anything to ">><<set $newtext2 to " Some days I stare across the bay until my eyes water, I look up and down and out of the corner of my eye, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[summon it at will.|UnderstandCatherine]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[and once I think I saw a glimmer in the cliffs --|TheSublimTheyCallIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "summon it at will." + $newtext2 + "and once I think I saw a glimmer in the cliffs —">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " I hope you understand, Catherine. The cliffs are so strong, they have stood a hundred thousand storms, but memory is so fragile — I hope you understand, Catherine, my Katie, why I don't dare to summon your memory, why I come back to the cliffs for consolation. And besides, it wouldn't be right, you were never at my beck and call, it would be abusing your memory. You were never here to give me ease, although you did, Katie, you got me through day and night; but you're released from that now. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[It would be wrong to summon you.|WrongToSummonYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "It would be wrong to summon you.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " When I was younger, I thought that if I was fast enough, I could look at the glimmer full-on, and take in all its awful detail. I thought one day I could stare straight into the halo until it swallowed me whole. I thought it was a window to a better place, Toby, my true and final home. I thought —">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[What's that, Toby? You want to move on?|TobyWantsToMove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + " What's that, Toby? You want to move on?">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " If you come to me, Catherine, my Katie, come when you will, when the moment takes you — in dreams, at odd times. Come unsummoned, drop by — or don't, I'll understand. We may meet again, or not. We had our time, we loved, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[we loved as well as any.|LovedAsWellAsAny]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + " we loved as well as any.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " Maire talks to you every day, I know, but Maire has her own way about it. That's between Maire and you. That's Maire's way, and this is mine, I hope you understand — ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[What's that, Toby? You want to move on?|TobyWantsToMove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + " What's that, Toby? You want to move on?">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " That's why I like you, Toby, you know what you want. You know what you want, and you get it, too. You've got a selfish streak, Toby, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[I admire that.|IAdmireYourSelfishness]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "I admire that.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " And I feel a kind of pride in that, too. Is that stupid, Toby, to be proud of being born next to a rock? Well then it's no more stupid than any other kind of pride. Everyone's proud of being born on one rock or another, Toby, that's what everyone's killing each other for. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@[[Everyone's so proud of their own rock.|ProudOfTheirOwnRock]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "Everyone's so proud of their own rock.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " That was always my problem, Toby, I was always more proud of the rock across the bay. Portduff Head is my only nation, Toby, I was a guest in any other. And Portduff Head is no one's home. Portduff Head is always on the other side of the bay.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[What's that, Toby? You want to move on?|TobyWantsToMove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + " What's that, Toby? You want to move on?">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " I need your selfishness, Toby. That's what gives me shape, that's what keeps me going. No matter what happens, Toby needs to be fed, Toby needs a walk, Toby needs to cock his leg, doesn't he? ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[It suits the two of us, Toby.|TobySuitsUsBoth]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "It suits the two of us, Toby.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " You keep me going, Toby, and when you go, I'll go. Maire doesn't like to hear me say that, but that's the way it is. She knows it's true, too, she knows inside. I've had my say here, it's time to move on. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[When you go I'll go, Toby.|WhenYouGoIllGo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "When you go I'll go, Toby.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " One day when you're gone, Toby, I'll go up Portduff Head, and I hope to God I still can, I'll go up Portduff Head in a storm, and lie on a rock, and let the elements take me. I've only been there a few times. We went up there once, do you remember, Toby, we went up in the car. It wasn't worth it, was it, Toby. It's better from here, from a distance. Up close it's just another field, there's nothing to see. You can look back at Dunbawn, and Dunbawn looks better from there than it does up close. But I've seen too much of Dunbawn, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[I've seen it all my life.|DunbawnAllMyLife]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "I've seen it all my life.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " All right, Toby, let's get going. Let's go down the hill and along the quay and back up the other side and finish the round. Right you are, Toby, that's a good boy. Oh, but who's this coming the other way? A man all in white, you don't see that often, do you Toby. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[Is he an angel?|IsItAnAngel]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + "Is he an angel?">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " And why is he stopping there? The low wall past the rectory, a young man in a white suit. Ah, that's where the cliffs come into view. A young man, an unearthly young man, all in white. He leans on the wall and faces out to sea. Does he see what I see, I wonder?">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [["'Good morning to you.'"|GoodDayToYou]] [["'Lovely morning, isn't it?'"|LovelyMorning]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Good morning to you,' I say as I approach him. 'Uh?' he says as he turns to me, and his face betrays a moment's irritation. 'I'm sorry,' he says, and shudders and looks at the ground. Toby makes a tentative sniff in his direction.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [["'I was saying it's a lovely morning.'"|WasSayingLovely]] [["'Admiring the view?'"|ToughtYouMightAdmire]] [["'Don't mind old Toby.'"|DontMindOldToby]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Lovely morning, isn't it?' I say as I approach him. 'Uh?' he says as he turns to me, and his face betrays a moment's irritation. 'I'm sorry,' he says, and shudders and looks at the ground. Toby makes a tentative sniff in his direction.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [["'I was saying it's a lovely morning.'"|WasSayingLovely]] [["'Admiring the view?'"|ToughtYouMightAdmire]] [["'Don't mind old Toby.'"|DontMindOldToby]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'I was saying, it's a lovely morning,' I say. 'Yeah, but — I'm sorry, I was really looking for somewhere quiet,' he says. He still doesn't look up, his hand is fumbling in his inside pocket. 'And I really have to be going,' he says, nodding downhill.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [["'I'm sorry for disturbing you.'"|SorryForDisturbing]] [["'Well, good day to you then.'"|SlanLeatAiden]] [["'I think we might be heading the same way.'"|HeadingTheSameWay]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Admiring the view?' I ask, nodding in the direction of the bay. 'It's nice, but — I'm sorry, I was looking for somewhere quiet,' he says. He still doesn't look up, his hand is fumbling in his inside pocket. 'And I really have to be going.' He nods downhill.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [["'I'm sorry for disturbing you.'"|SorryForDisturbing]] [["'Well, good day to you then.'"|SlanLeatAiden]] [["'I think we might be heading the same way.'"|HeadingTheSameWay]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Don't mind old Toby,' I say, shaking his leash, 'he's a harmless old fellow.' The young man doesn't look up, his hand is fumbling in his inside pocket. 'I'm sorry, I was really looking for somewhere quiet. And I really have to be going,' he says, nodding downhill.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [["'I'm sorry for disturbing you.'"|SorryForDisturbing]] [["'Well, good day to you then.'"|SlanLeatAiden]] [["'I think we might be heading the same way.'"|HeadingTheSameWay]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'Good day to you, then,' I say, but the young man is already moving. 'Thanks,' he says, walking away. After a moment he quickens his pace, half-running, half-skipping down the road. I watch him until he turns the corner at the bottom of the hill. In that whole minute, he never once looks back.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[Let's go, Toby.|LetsGoToby]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1 + " Let's go, Toby.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'I think we might be heading the same way,' I say, but the young man is already moving. 'I'm sorry, I — I don't think so,' he says, walking away. After a moment he quickens his pace, half-running, half-skipping down the road. I watch him until he turns the corner at the bottom of the hill. In that whole minute, he never once looks back.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[Let's go, Toby.|LetsGoToby]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1+ " Let's go, Toby.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " 'I'm sorry for disturbing you,' I say, but the young man is already moving. 'Thanks,' he says, walking away. After a moment he quickens his pace, half-running, half-skipping down the road. I watch him until he turns the corner at the bottom of the hill. In that whole minute, he never once looks back.">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[Let's go, Toby.|LetsGoToby]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext1+ " Let's go, Toby.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext1 to " You and me, Toby. That's all I've got time for now, you and me. Down and along the quay and let's finish the round. And let's drop into Flanagan's on the way back, I'll get you some biscuits. You'd like that, wouldn't you Toby. Rich Tea, Toby, your favourite. You and me and Rich Tea, Toby. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray; $bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext1@@ [[And we'll be the happiest in Dunbawn.|Dunbawn]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "Laura is calling again!">><</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@ <<timed 1.5s>>[["'Hi Laura!'"|AnswerLauraPt2]] [["'I hoped you would call.'"|HopedYouWouldCall]]<</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Laura!' 'Aiden, I see a missed call from you earlier. Is everything okay?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, I got the flowers already, and now I'm on my way to get the rings.'"|OnWayToRings]] [["'Yeah, I tried to call earlier, but then this old guy started badgering me.'"|RandomOldGuy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I was hoping you'd call,' I say, but Laura strikes a more urgent tone. 'Aiden, I see a missed call from you earlier. Is everything okay?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, I got the flowers already, and now I'm on my way to get the rings.'"|OnWayToRings]] [["'Yeah, I tried to call earlier, but then this old guy started badgering me.'"|RandomOldGuy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I just wanted to say I've successfully got the flowers, and now I'm on my way to get the rings.' 'Good, but is there any of this I need to know right now? I'm really busy this morning. Busy busy busy!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Actually, no.'"|ActuallyNoLaura]] [["'Well, you probably should know that the flower shop is run by a couple of psychopaths.'"|FlowersTraumatic]] [["'I'm sorry, Laura, I shouldn't have called.'"|ShouldntHaveCalled]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, I tried to call you earlier, but then this random old guy came up to me and started —' 'Look, is this going anywhere important? I'm kind of pushed for time.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Actually, no.'"|ActuallyNoLaura]] [["'I just wanted to say I've succeeded in getting the flowers.'"|OnWayToRings]] [["'I'm sorry, Laura, I shouldn't have called.'"|ShouldntHaveCalled]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Actually, no.' 'Okay, well, I'm rushed off my feet this morning, emergencies only from now on, right? For the next few hours, treat this number like it's 999, have you got that?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Okay.'"|OkayLaura999]] [["'I'm really sorry, Laura.'"|ReallySorryLaura]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Only that the flower shop is run by a couple of psychos —' 'Aiden, we can talk about this later, okay? I'm rushed off my feet this morning, emergencies only from now on, got that? For the next few hours, treat this number like it's 999!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Okay.'"|OkayLaura999]] [["'I'm really sorry, Laura.'"|ReallySorryLaura]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm sorry, Laura, I shouldn't have called.' 'Sorry Aiden, I'm rushed off my feet this morning, emergencies only from now on, okay? For the next few hours, treat this number like it's 999, have you got that?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Okay.'"|OkayLaura999]] [["'I'm really very sorry, Laura.'"|ReallySorryLaura]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Okay, I'll see you later,' I say, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@[[but she has hung up again.|HungUpAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm really very sorry, Laura,' I say, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@[[but she has hung up again.|HungUpAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

You're right, Laura, I slipped up, and I shouldn't slip up today, of all days. I cannot let this day slip. I should take a breath and refocus. [[I should focus on what today is really about.|StoryAidenLauraPt2]]

[img[The Story of Aiden and Laura, Part 2|aidenlaurastory2.png][GrandCanalBanks]]<<scrollright>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "On the first warm day in April, we skipped our lectures for a picnic on the banks of the Grand Canal. The rest of the gang had to leave early, so by late afternoon it was just Laura and me. We sat together on moist grass, Laura and I, the sun on our faces, sharing ">><</silently>> @@color:white;$bodytext@@[[the last bag of crisps.|LastBagOfCrisps]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "the last bag of crisps.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " We reached into the bag at the same time. Our hands touched. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[I flinched.|IFlinchedCanal]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I flinched.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hey! My fingers are no greasier than yours, at this stage,' said Laura. She mimed a tiger baring claws. 'You're afraid I'll maul you with my smokey-bacon hands?' 'I'm terrified!' I cowered and closed my eyes, hoping she would ">><<set $newtext2 to " with her smokey-bacon hands. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[maul me|MaulMeLaura]]$newtext2[[But she didn't.|SheDidntMaul]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $newtext to $newtext + "maul me with her smokey-bacon hands.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hey! My fingers are no greasier than yours, at this stage,' said Laura. She mimed a tiger baring claws. 'You're afraid I'll maul you with my smokey-bacon hands?' 'I'm terrified!' I cowered and closed my eyes, hoping she would maul me with her smokey-bacon hands.">><<set $newtext2 to " Hoping she would ravage me with her smokey-bacon hands. Hoping she would tear off my clothes and sink her greasy fingers into my flesh — ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:gray;$newtext@@@@color:white;$newtext2@@[[But she didn't.|SheDidntMaul]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $newtext to $newtext + $newtext2>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " But she didn't.">><<set $newtext to " 'More for me, then,' she said. She continued munching crisps, while I sat back on the grass and avoided the bag. Dappled light played on the waters of the canal. After a minute a couple of swans drifted into view. 'Swans are so cool,' said Laura. 'They might be my spirit animal. You know they could break your leg like a twig? And swan babies are so cute.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And they mate for life.'"|SwansMateForLife]] [["'Cygnets.'"|SwanBabies]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "On the first warm day in April", "[A classic storytelling device: we begin part 2 with a little vignette in which the main theme of this chapter — agency and my lack of it — is stated dramatically, before its literal treatment later. Essentially, it functions as a precis for the entire chapter.] On the first warm in April")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "banks of the Grand Canal", "banks of the Grand Canal [Another real Dublin location with literary resonance — 'leafy-with-love banks' etc.]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "moist grass", "moist grass [sexual overtones]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "flinched", "flinched [N.B. an involuntary movement. It's as if my lack of agency is forcing me away from Laura.]")>> <</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And they mate for life,' I said. 'Each one has a soul mate.' 'And they're getting busy at it now,' she said. 'We're nearly in baby swan season. One of my favourite times of the year!' I was seized by an impulse, the way I only am around Laura:">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Do you think swans like smokey bacon crisps?'"|SwansLikeSmokeyBacon]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Cygnets,' I said. 'And we're nearly in baby swan season,' she continued, 'one of my favourite times of the year!' I was seized by an impulse, the way I only am around Laura:">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Do you think swans like smokey bacon crisps?'"|SwansLikeSmokeyBacon]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Do you think swans like smokey bacon crisps?' 'Well, the swan is not a natural predator of the artifical pig, so I would say no — hey!' I grabbed the bag and in one moment was standing at the edge of the canal. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'There's one way to find out!'"|BagOnTheWater]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "More for me, then,' she said.", "More for me, then,' she said. [An essential note of bathos to release the near-erotic tension of our encounter.]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "baring claws.", "baring claws. [Laura, who has agency, pretends to be a predator. I, who had none, pretend to be prey. We shadow-play our inner natures.]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "flesh —", "flesh — [Perhaps too early for such an openly erotic confession? I could move this passage to later in the text, part 3 or maybe 4.]")>> <</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'There's one way to find out!' 'Hey, I wasn't finished with them!' I swung the bag in the direction of the water, hoping to toss a few crisps in, but I was clumsy and ended up launching the whole bag. 'Jesus, Aiden.' The bag landed on the water some way short of the swans, without breaking the surface.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I didn't mean to throw the whole bag!'"|DidntMeanWholeBag]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "a couple of swans", "a couple of swans [Swans: a symbol of agency, but also power and beauty (all embodied in Laura). And also, crucially, of metamorphosis. In the fairy tale, the ugly duckling turns into a swan. An early hint of the possibility of my awakening later in the chapter.]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "soul mate.'", "soul mate.' [I don't know if I actually said this, but it's thematically appropriate. Unable to act on my feelings for Laura, I am reduced to elliptical overtures like this, or the involuntary pendantry of the alternate response. ]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Cygnets,' I said.", "Cygnets,' I said. [I don't know if I actually said this, but it's thematically appropriate. Unable to act on my feelings for Laura, I am reduced to involuntary pedantry like this (which Laura gleefully ignores!), or elliptical overtures as in the alternate response.]")>> <</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I didn't mean to throw the whole bag!' I said. 'Wow, that's some heroic-level littering,' said Laura. 'The supermarket trolley under the bridge, was that you too?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What will I do now?'"|WhatWillDoNow]] [["'I'll get you another bag.'"|GetYouAnotherBag]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "'Do you think swans like smokey bacon crisps?'", "'Do you think swans like smokey bacon crisps?' [Lacking agency, I was unable to direct my spontaneous energy into anything more than arbitrary attention-seeking stunts.]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "launching the whole bag.", "launching the whole bag. [The crisp bag, a few moments earlier a means of bringing us together, thanks to my actions has become mere rubbish. A symbol of wasted potential.]")>> <<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "breaking the surface.", "breaking the surface. [Mirrors the superficiality of my attempt to impress Laura — also brings to mind the phrase 'surface tension'.]")>> <</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm really sorry, Laura,' I said. 'What will I do now?' 'Well you're hardly going to wade in after it. I think you're going to have to live with this littering offence on your record. Though the swans look pretty cool with it.' I looked at the water. The bag of crisps was drifting away slowly with the current. The swans ignored it and kept swimming the other way.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["---"|SecondYearCollege]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " --- ">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm really sorry, Laura,' I said. 'I'll get you another bag of crisps. Five bags!' 'Don't apologise to me, you should be apologising to the swans. It's their patch you littered! Though they seem pretty cool with it, actually.' I looked at the water. The bag of crisps was drifting away slowly with the current. The swans ignored it and kept swimming the other way.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["---"|SecondYearCollege]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " --- ">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Second year of college was the best time of my life. I flowered in Laura's company. I learned to project charm, confidence, wit. Our group of friends, now pruned down to the classic 'gang of five' (the two of us, Aisling, Deirdre and Orla), held court every night in a different venue; we pronounced on topics far and wide; we praised the worthy and ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[dealt justice to the deserving.|DealtJustice]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "dealt justice to the deserving.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "heroic-level littering,' said Laura.", "heroic-level littering,' said Laura. [Her irony unwittingly underlines my own lack of heroic agency.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " As the year went on, Laura welcomed me into her life outside college. I ate at her home, sometimes, and met her family — her parents, her sister Lisa. We were getting ever closer. I thought everything was going right. I assumed it would happen, organically, at the perfect moment, when the heavens aligned, like in a romance novel, like Hollywood. To act, to break the surface, to push against the current, would have seemed wrong — ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[And then Third Year came.|ThirdYearCollege]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "And then Third Year came.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "kept swimming the other way.", "kept swimming the other way. [The swans — symbols of agency — can swim against the current. I was more like the crisp bag, doomed to go with the flow.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " That a man can win a woman's love, when you think about it, is hardly possible to believe. Women are so exalted, and men so base. For him, it must be the most awesome undertaking ever — it's to unite the sacred and the profane, to reshape the universe, to defy nature's laws. It can only be an act of supreme heroism, or, more likely, deception. And I was not capable of either.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'There is nothing you can do,' she said, 'and nothing you could have done.'"|TurmErlebnis]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'There is nothing you can do,' she said, 'and nothing you could have done.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " In third year of college, Laura and I did different specialisations: she chemical engineering and I electronics. We rarely met during the day. The 'gang of five' still met up in the evenings, but less regularly, and as the year wore on, we saw conspicuously less of Laura. She was more mysterious in those days, less forthcoming; it was clear she was developing a social life outside ours, which she wanted to keep independent. I was baffled at the time. She created this world of ours, this was her world, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[and she chose not to live in it.|LivingOutsideTheWorld]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "and she chose not to live in it.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "Second year of college was the best time of my life.", "Second year of college was the best time of my life. [The parable is now followed by its explanation. 'Show, don't tell' can never be a blanket rule: when there is a lesson to be learned, it's important to be explicit about that lesson. The best screenwriters do this, too.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I was sick all night and all the next day. I cried and I was sick. I was sick all week, I couldn't get out of bed, I cried all week in bed. A while later I learned that Laura and John ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[['were an item'.|LauraJohnItem]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'were an item'.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Then one evening she brought this guy John along to meet the gang and I saw them together and ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[I felt sick and I had to go home.|SickAndHome]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I felt sick and I had to go home.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $whatcanido to false>><<set $didyoufeelit to false>><<set $preferhislove to false>><<set $newtext to " I had to talk to Laura, I had to see her, I wouldn't take no for an answer, I cornered Laura and told her I loved her. For the first time, I told her I loved her. It all poured out, too much. But I had to tell her. And I had to ask her: ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Did you ever feel the same about me?'"|DidYouFeelIt]] [["'Why him and not me?'"|WhyJohnNotMe]] [["'Can I do anything to change your mind?'"|WhatCanIDo]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $preferhislove to true>><<set $newtext to " 'But why not me?' I said. 'Why John?' 'John —,' she said, 'John is just John.' She held my hand and looked me in the eye and said 'I love him, okay? And I prefer the way he loves me.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<if $whatcanido is false>> [["'Is there anything I can do to change your mind?'"|WhatCanIDo]] <</if>><<if $didyoufeelit is false>> [["'Did you ever feel the same way about me?'"|DidYouFeelIt]] <</if>><<if $whatcanido is true and $didyoufeelit is true>> [[And that was that.|Nausea]] <</if>><<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I needed to vanquish that disbelief. I needed to become one with that ghost, to be fearless, to have the courage to be myself, consciously, actively, tirelessly. I needed faith in myself, for that, I now know, and that alone, is ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["the source of all true agency."|AgencyInStories]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " the source of all true agency.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to ", and you were right not to value my love, Laura, because I didn't love you in any conscious way at all. I was a Laura-lover, and that's all I was. I was a Laura-lover in the same way a tin-opener opens tins and a lawn-mower mows lawns. I had no agency, no design, no method — how could I have thought myself worthy?">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ 'I never loved you,' she said. [["'I never loved you in that way at all.'"|WorldOfSwans]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'I never loved you,' she said. 'I never loved you in that way at all.'">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I wanted her to dismiss me.", "I wanted her to dismiss me. [cf. part 1 of the story.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I feel empowered by it. Even now, a year later, people can see the difference in me, and you see it too, Laura. I square my shoulders to the world, I don't flinch. I strive to be the best version of myself that I know how to be. I fight by your side, I fight the good fight. That what I do today, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[and all days.|AndAllDays]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "and all days.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I don't flinch.", "I don't flinch. [Cf. the incident with the crisps. The text is like looking into a diamond.]")>><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "selflessly.", "selflessly. [The irony is that only by being true to oneself can one act selflessly. Perhaps I should elaborate on this.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " And one day, I know I'll find the words. The right sequence of words and deeds. And I shall have the agency to say and do them. One day I'll find the key, when the time is right, the key to defy nature's laws, to reshape the universe, to unite the ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[sacred and profane.|FucksSakeAiden]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "'For fuck's sake, Aiden!' says Orla.">><</silently>> [['For fuck's sake, Aiden!'|FoundTheGirls]] says Orla.<<audio "girlstalk" play volume 0.25>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " The girls are in a side-room of the main reception hall, arrayed around a buffet table decked with cakes and pastries and other sweet temptations.">><<set $deirdreintro to false>><<set $addressdeirdre to false>><<set $kickmeout to false>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I suppose I'll have to eat this brownie, then?'"|NotForMe]] [["'I barely touched it!'"|DidntTouchIt]] [["'I'm sorry.'"|SorryOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I suppose I'll have to eat this brownie, then?' I say, prodding it once again. 'No you don't—' says Orla. She makes a dash towards me, but Aisling is closer and gets there first. 'They're for the guests later,' explains Aisling, taking the brownie. 'It's our job to watch over them and make sure no one else eats any.' She takes a bite out of it as she returns to her seat.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"|SureYouShouldEat]] [["'No one else apart from you, you mean.'"|NoOneElseApart]] [["'Hey, I thought that was for the guests?'"|ForTheGuests]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I barely touched it!' I say. 'Aiden, that brownie is now covered in your paw-prints,' says Orla. 'The cakes are for the guests later,' explains Aisling, who is the only one seated. 'It's our job to watch over them and make sure no one else eats any.' Her lips bear a telltale smear of chocolate.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No one else apart from you, you mean?'"|NoOneElseApart]] [["'There's some chocolate on your lip.'"|ChocolateOnLip]] [["'I just thought I'd donate a brownie to your cause.'"|SoYoullEatIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm sorry,' I say. Orla stomps over and retrieves the lightly molested brownie. 'Just try to keep your fingers off the rest of them,' she says. 'The cakes are for the guests later,' explains Aisling, who is the only one seated. 'It's our job to watch over them and make sure no one else eats any.' Her lips bear a telltale smear of chocolate.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No one else apart from you, you mean?'"|NoOneElseApart]] [["'There's some chocolate on your lip.'"|ChocolateOnLip]] [["'I just thought I'd donate a brownie to your cause.'"|SoYoullEatIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $whatcanido to true>><<set $newtext to " 'Can I do anything to change your mind? Could I have done anything?' 'No,' she said. 'There's nothing you can do, and nothing you could have done. I want to be with John.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<if $preferhislove is false>> [["'But why John and not me?'"|WhyJohnNotMe]] <</if>><<if $didyoufeelit is false>> [["'Did you ever feel the same way about me?'"|DidYouFeelIt]] <</if>><<if $preferhislove is true and $didyoufeelit is true>> [[And that was that.|Nausea]] <</if>><<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $didyoufeelit to true>><<set $newtext to " 'Did you ever feel the same way about me?' She said she thought we were friends. She said she wondered at times if I wanted more, but she was never sure, and she had never encouraged me anyway. She said 'I hope we can still be friends, and you're a great guy, but I don't love you in that way at all.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<if $preferhislove is false>> [["'But why John and not me?'"|WhyJohnNotMe]] <</if>><<if $whatcanido is false>> [["'Is there anything I can do to change your mind?'"|WhatCanIDo]] <</if>><<if $preferhislove is true and $whatcanido is true>> [[And that was that.|Nausea]] <</if>><<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " And that was that. I had no great hopes from that conversation with Laura; I only wanted an end. Laura had summoned me to waking life, and now I wanted her ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["to dismiss me."|Nausea2]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "to dismiss me.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I felt sick and I had to go home.", "I felt sick and I had to go home. [Conjoined sentences convey the sense of being overwhelmed by what I witnessed: I'm taking it all in at one time.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " But that couldn't be true, surely? Why was I endowed with choice at all, if not to find the right one? There must be something I could do?">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[And then it struck me.|TurmErlebnis2]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " And then it struck me.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I was in a bathroom on the top floor of the Hamilton building, I was bent double with nausea, and all of a sudden I was struck by the real truth of her words.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ 'There is nothing you can do,' she said, and so [[I didn't have to do anything.|TurmErlebnis3]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'There is nothing you can do,' she said, and so I didn't have to do anything.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I didn't have to do anything, except be myself. And that was the challenge you set me, Laura. 'John is just John,' you said, and maybe he is, or maybe not; but about one thing I was suddenly, instantly, absolutely sure: ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[Aiden was never just Aiden.|TurmErlebnis4]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Aiden was never just Aiden.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I lived as if I doubted my own life, as if I pretended to doubt my own life. I flinched — I flinched from myself, as if to wake from a dream. I lived in a dream, as a phantom in a dream, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[a ghost I didn't believe in.|PhantomInADream]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "a ghost I didn't believe in.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I had to find that love within me. I had to find the energy to be there for you, vulnerable for you, tireless for you; to be proactive in friendship but to respect your boundaries, to be generous with no expectation of return, to wish only the best for you, even at my own cost.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[I didn't think I could do it.|DaredMyselfToLove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " I didn't think I could do it.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "looking for someone to believe in.", "looking for someone to believe in. [Mirrors, as in part 1 again a symbol of self-knowledge, but here once again the symbol becomes explicit. Continuing the pattern in which material stated earlier is restated and developed into different forms: a near-symphonic unification of themes and motifs.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I was so nervous the next day, when I arranged to meet up, just like friends do, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["and then -- "|GreatGreatMeetUp]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "and then — ">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Are you sure you should be eating that?' 'I hope that's not a reference to my weight,' says Aisling, who has been getting a little rounder over the past year.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Of course not!'"|OfCourseNotWeight]] [["'Well now that you mention it...'"|NowYouMentionWeight]] [["'Actually I think the extra weight suits you.'"|ExtraWeightSuitsYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No one else — apart from you, you mean?' 'Yeah, explain the joke,' says Orla. 'It's one of the perks of the job,' says Aisling through a mouthful of brownie. 'Bridesmaids' privileges.' 'And chef's privileges,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You made these?'"|YouMadeTheseDeirdre]] [["'Deirdre made these?'"|DeirdreMadeThese]] [["'Do best men get the same privileges?'"|BestMenPrivileges]] [["'Are you really sure you should be eating that?'"|SureEatingThem]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hey, isn't that meant for the guests?' 'It's one of the perks of the job,' says Aisling through a mouthful of brownie. 'We're allowed to eat them. Bridesmaids' privileges.' 'And chef's privileges,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You made these?'"|YouMadeTheseDeirdre]] [["'Deirdre made these?'"|DeirdreMadeThese]] [["'Do best men get the same privileges?'"|BestMenPrivileges]] [["'Are you really sure you should be eating that?'"|SureEatingThem]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I just thought I'd donate a brownie to your cause,' I say, at which Orla snorts. 'There's no need,' says Aisling, 'we're perfectly capable of making such a donation ourselves.' She picks up the brownie and takes a bite out of it.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Are you sure you should be eating that?'"|SureYouShouldEat]] [["'Hey, I thought that was for the guests?'"|ForTheGuests]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'There's some chocolate on your lip,' I tell her, tapping the side of my mouth. 'That would be because I'm eating brownies. We're allowed. Bridesmaids' privileges.' 'And chef's privileges,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You made these?'"|YouMadeTheseDeirdre]] [["'Deirdre made these?'"|DeirdreMadeThese]] [["'Do best men get the same privileges?'"|BestMenPrivileges]] [["'Are you really sure you should be eating them?'"|SureEatingThem]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You made these?' I say, looking at no one in particular. In all these years I don't think I've ever addressed Deirdre directly, and it would seem odd to start now. 'I did,' says Deirdre. 'One of Dee's many hidden talents,' says Aisling, looking up at her. Deirdre is the tallest and most 'conventionally attractive' of the three, inevitably the one to be 'hit on' by random males, though for myself I find Ash and even Orla more attractive. For me it's more about the whole person.">><<set $deirdreintro to true>><<set $addressdeirdre to true>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I see.'"|ISeeDeirdre]] [["'Makes me wonder what other hidden talents you have.'"|OtherHiddenTalents]] [["'It's not one of my hidden talents.'"|NotMyHiddenTalent]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Deirdre made these?' I ask. In all these years I don't think I've ever addressed Deirdre directly, and it would seem odd to start now. 'I did,' says Deirdre. 'One of Dee's many hidden talents,' says Aisling, looking up at her. Deirdre is the tallest and most 'conventionally attractive' of the three, inevitably the first to be 'hit on' by random males, though for myself I find Ash and even Orla more attractive. For me it's more about the whole person.">><<set $deirdreintro to true>><<set $addressdeirdre to true>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I see.'"|ISeeDeirdre]] [["'Makes me wonder what other hidden talents you have.'"|OtherHiddenTalents]] [["'It's not one of my hidden talents.'"|NotMyHiddenTalent]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And do best men get the same privileges?' I say with an exaggerated swagger, which prompts Deirdre to giggle. I've missed this so much. Good-natured banter, in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be. 'Nope,' says Orla. 'Congrats on your promotion, by the way,' says Aisling. 'We heard this morning.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " But she said her words and I still lived. And I lived in the new reality of her words, trapped in its odd geometries, helpless in time and space, convulsing always back to the moments Laura said she never loved me. I lived through every word of that conversation, echoed and restated, and every word was a plunge into a pit.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I prefer the way John loves me,' she said."|AllStemsFromAgency]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'I prefer the way John loves me,' she said">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I cried all week in bed.", "I cried all week in bed. [Staccato sentences and repetition convey my troubled state of mind.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "then we actually met, and it was great, just — great, pure joy. And all my fears dissolved away, and I knew that I could be myself and love you. And since then, it's been so, so great — so joyous, so effortless. We've become more intimate than ever, and I love you better than before, I love you ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[consciously, actively, selflessly.|TrulyMadlyDeeply]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "consciously, actively, selflessly.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No! No, I meant, isn't it supposed to be for the guests?' 'It's one of the perks of the job,' says Aisling through a mouthful of brownie. 'We're allowed to eat them. Bridesmaids' privileges.' 'And chef's privileges,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You made these?'"|YouMadeTheseDeirdre]] [["'Deirdre made these?'"|DeirdreMadeThese]] [["'Do best men get the same privileges?'"|BestMenPrivileges]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Actually, I think the weight looks good on you,' I say. Lately I've been experimenting with getting a little 'flirty' with Ash — not that anything has ever happened between us — 'Yuck', says Orla. 'Charming,' says Aisling. 'Hey, I like your suit.'">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to false>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Do you?'"|DoYouLikeMySuit]] [["'John didn't.'"|JohnDidntLikeSuit]] [["'I like your dresses, too.'"|ILikeYourDress]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, now that you mention it,' I say, cheekily. (I can get away with this because the girls know my good intentions.) 'Ugh, he's such a charmer,' says Orla. 'Well that's lovely,' says Aisling. 'And I was going to compliment your suit, too.'">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to false>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@. @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Do you like my suit?'"|DoYouLikeMySuit]] [["'John didn't like it.'"|JohnDidntLikeSuit]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You like my suit, huh?' I say, striking a statuesque pose, which prompts Deirdre to giggle. I've missed this so much. Good-natured banter, in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be. 'You look positively cherubic,' says Orla.">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to true>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I hope that's a good thing.'"|HopeCherubicIsGood]] [["'John thought I looked like Colonel Sanders.'"|JohnDidntLikeSuit]] [["'I like your dresses, too.'"|ILikeYourDress]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John thought the suit made me look like Colonel Sanders,' I say. 'Hah!' says Orla. 'I don't know who that is,' says Aisling. 'Is that a Star Wars thing?' 'It's the fried chicken guy,' says Orla. 'Oh, I thought it was one of John's nerd things. Colonel Starbuck from Starship Troopers or something.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Colonel Sanders.'"|StarshipSanders]] [["'John is quite a nerd, isn't he?'"|JohnIsANerd]] [["'John was looking the worse for wear this morning.'"|JohnLookedBad]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I like your dresses too.' The girls are in matching blue numbers. 'Yeah, maybe next time say that like you mean it,' says Orla, 'or better still, don't say it at all.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I really like your dress, Orla.'"|ReallyLikeYourDress]] [["'Never thought I'd see you in a dress, Orla.'"|NeverThoughtIdSee]] [["'Then I take it back.'"|ThenITakeItBack]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I hope that's a good thing,' I say. Orla just looks back at me. 'It's the best,' says Aisling. 'The bestest. For the new best man. We heard your news this morning. Congrats on your promotion.'">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to true>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Well, someone had to step in.'"|SomeoneHadToDoIt]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm,' I say. 'An incident!' says Orla. 'I don't know why you're being so coy about it. The guy got drunk off his face and jumped off the quay and broke his hand.' 'The tide was out,' explains Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I didn't know that.'"|IDidntKnow]] [["'A case of 'drunk diving' then.'"|DrunkDiving]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Thanks, can't say I didn't earn it,' I say with mock swagger, drawing a giggle from Deirdre. 'Well you could hardly be worse than the previous incumbent,' says Orla. 'Colm Lehane, what a moron. Got drunk off his face and jumped off the quay and broke his hand.' 'The tide was out,' explains Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I didn't know that.'"|IDidntKnow]] [["'A case of 'drunk diving' then.'"|DrunkDiving]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I see.' 'We all made them, really,' says Deirdre. 'Just following your orders, Dee,' says Aisling. 'Extreme baking on Thursday. All day. I was caked out by the end.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Right.'"|RightBaking]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now the best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Makes me wonder what other hidden talents you have,' I say, still addressing no one in particular, though I say it with enough comic timing and innuendo to make Deirdre giggle. I've missed this. Good natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be. 'All right,' says Orla. 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' says Aisling. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hey, did I mention I'm now best man?' I say, moving the conversation on to surer ground. 'Oh yeah, we were there this morning,' says Aisling while Orla mutters something under her breath. 'Congrats.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] [["'I think Orla might be jealous.'"|OrlaMightBeJealous]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Right.' 'I thought I'd never want to see another cake,' continues Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And now here you are!'"|AndNowHereYouAre]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now the best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think Orla might be jealous,' I say, nodding in her direction. Deirdre giggles nervously. 'I think Orla just wishes you'd hurry up and get to the point of this visit,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I came to bring you these flowers.'"|IComeWithRoses]] [["'I'm sorry, Orla.'"|SorryAgainOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Colonel Sanders,' I say. 'Oh I don't know any of the character names, and I don't care either,' says Aisling. 'I made it through a whole engineering degree without becoming a nerd, and I don't plan to start now.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No, Colonel Sanders is the fried chicken guy.'"|SandersChicken]] [["'You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.'"|Assimilated]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John is quite a nerd, isn't he,' I say. 'Oh yeah,' says Orla with disdain. I'm loving this. 'Yeah but of the charming kind,' says Aisling. 'You wouldn't know it to talk to him.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Superficial charm, then.'"|SuperficialCharm]] [["'Makes you wonder what else he's hiding.'"|WhatElseHesHiding]] [["'The worst kind of nerd.'"|WorstKindOfNerd]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John was looking the worse for wear this morning,' I say. 'Not surprised, he was up all night,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Wonder if there's a chance he'll sleep right through the big day?'"|MissTheBigDay]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Then you came to your senses,' says Orla, just as I gesture at the spread of cakes and say 'And now here you are!' Orla got there first, but my comic timing was better. Deirdre giggles.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Timing.'"|TimingOrla]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now the best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Timing,' I say, tilting my head at Orla in mock-disapproval. It's a familiar catchphrase from our student days, and Deirdre giggles again in acknowledgement. Orla looks at me and shrugs. I've missed this. Good-natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be. 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' says Aisling. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No, Colonel Sanders is the fried chicken guy,' I say.">><<if $goodnaturedbanter is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " I've missed this so much. Good-natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be.">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to true>><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'I said I don't care about these nerd characters,' says Aisling, 'and he's still explaining them to me.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No, this is a fast food franchise.'"|FastNerdFranchise]] [["'Colonel Sanders is not a nerd character.'"|SandersNotNerd]] [["'I'm sorry, Aisling.'"|SorrySanders]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You will be assimilated into nerdhood. Resistance is futile,' I say, which provokes a giggle from Deirdre. I can't imagine she gets the reference; it's probably just because of the robot voice and the gestures I make to go with it. 'No,' says Aisling, though I'm not sure I can say the same for Laura.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'How do you mean?'"|HowLauraNerd]] [["'John's bad influence?'"|JohnBadInfluence]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I really like your dress, Orla,' I say in my best sleazy lounge-lizard voice. Deirdre giggles and Orla gives me the finger.">><<if $goodnaturedbanter is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " I've missed this so much. Good-natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be.">><<else>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " I'm loving this.">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' says Aisling. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Actually, I never thought I'd see you in a dress, Orla,' I say, which makes Deirdre giggle. 'Okay Ash, that's a fiver you owe me,' says Orla. 'Hand it over.' 'Later, okay?' says Aisling. 'We had a bet over who would be the first person to say that today,' she explains. 'Orla was sure it would be you.' 'While Ash insisted it would be Laura's dad.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well I'm glad I'm in your thoughts.'"|ImInYourThoughts]] [["'I'm flattered.'"|ComparedToTheMaster]] [["'I'm sorry you think I'm so unfunny.'"|SorryUnfunny]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Then I take it all back,' I return with precision comic timing. Deirdre giggles and Orla gives me the finger.">><<if $goodnaturedbanter is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " I've missed this so much. Good-natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be.">><<else>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " I'm loving this.">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' says Aisling. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, it's nice to know I'm in your thoughts,' I say. Deirdre giggles sympathetically. I can't help feeling a bit hurt by that comparison. Laura's dad? 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' says Aisling. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, I'm flattered at being compared to the master,' I say, though I can't help feeling a bit hurt by that. Laura's dad? Deirdre giggles sympathetically. 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' says Aisling. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Thanks,' I say. 'Well don't sound so gloomy about it,' says Orla. 'You could hardly be worse than the previous incumbent. Colm Lehane, what a moron. Got drunk off his face and jumped off the quay and broke his hand.' 'The tide was out,' explains Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I didn't know that.'"|IDidntKnow]] [["'A case of 'drunk diving' then.'"|DrunkDiving]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Superficial charm, then,' I say. 'Oh I don't know about that,' says Aisling. 'Who's to say? And anyway, I can appreciate a bit of surface charm.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'But charm is all relative.'"|CharmIsRelative]] [["'It's what's inside that counts more.'"|WhatsInside]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Makes you wonder what else he's hiding,' I say. 'Oh, I don't know, not really,' says Aisling. 'Hey! We heard you made best man this morning. Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The worst kind of nerd,' I say in a movie-trailer voice, 'a charming nerd.' Deirdre giggles.">><<if $goodnaturedbanter is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " I've missed this so much. Good-natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be.">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to true>><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'No, I'd say that might be the best kind of nerd, actually,' says Aisling. 'Certainly better than a charmless nerd.' 'And you're one to talk about nerds anyway,' Orla says, looking at me. 'With your Sandman comics and your Anime and your Buffy the Vampire Slayer.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's not the same.'"|NotTheSameNerd]] [["'Have you watched any Buffy yet?'"|HaveToWatchBuffy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'How do you mean?' I ask. 'Oh, I don't know, I've just noticed some nerd references creeping into her vocabulary. Like what was that she said yesterday, Orla?' 'The 'One Ring',' says Orla, 'from Lord of the Rings.' 'The One Ring from Lords of the Rings,' says Aisling. 'I don't like it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lord of the Rings.'"|LordOfTheRings]] [["'And you put this down to John's bad influence?'"|JohnBadInfluence]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now the best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John's bad influence, you think?' I say. 'Oh, I don't know,' says Aisling, 'Laura has her own thing going on. Hey!' she says in a different tone. 'We have to talk about your news! We were there to hear it this morning. New best man, huh? Congratulations.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] [["'Yeah, someone had to step in.'"|SomeoneHadToDoIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe he'll sleep right through the big day,' I say. 'Not if Laura has anything to do with it,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Worse things could happen.'"|WorseThingsCouldHappen]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now the best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But are you really sure you should be eating brownies?' 'I hope that's not a reference to my weight,' says Aisling, who has been getting a little rounder over the past year.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Of course not!'"|NotAtAllWeight]] [["'Well now that you mention it...'"|NowYouMentionWeight]] [["'Actually I think the extra weight suits you.'"|ExtraWeightSuitsYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not at all,' I say. 'Good,' says Aisling. 'Hey, I like your suit.'">><<set $goodnaturedbanter to false>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Do you?'"|DoYouLikeMySuit]] [["'John didn't.'"|JohnDidntLikeSuit]] [["'I like your dresses, too.'"|ILikeYourDress]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Stories are not dreams, they don't just happen. Stories are shaped by the agency of their hero, the moral force and logic and momentum comes from the hero's agency, and that agency comes from inner conviction — faith in oneself.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ I looked in that bathroom mirror, [["looking for someone to believe in."|DareToLove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " I looked in that bathroom mirror, looking for someone to believe in.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "as if to wake from a dream.", "as if to wake from a dream. [Reifying the symbolism of the incident with the crisp bag.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I stared as if to will myself and my image to become one. I faced myself in that mirror and saw that I still loved you, Laura. I was a Laura-lover, that's what I was at the core of my being. That was the ghost I could not longer deny.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ I dared myself to believe in my love for you, Laura. [["And I knew it wouldn't be easy."|TheChallengeOfLove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " I dared myself to believe in my love for you, Laura. And I knew it wouldn't be easy.">><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I lived in a dream, as a phantom in a dream, a ghost I didn't believe in.", "I lived in a dream, as a phantom in a dream, a ghost I didn't believe in. [Another instance of internal reflection to part 1 of the story; the metaphors I established are reappearing here in a more concrete guise.]")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I'm actually a bit hurt by that comparison. Laura's Dad? 'I'm sorry you think I'm so unfunny,' I say. 'Apology accepted,' says Orla, at which Deirdre stifles a giggle. 'Orla!' says Aisling. 'We're just teasing you, Aiden,' she goes on. 'You think we'd be doing the same with Laura's dad? He'd probably be here lecturing us about helicopters or something.' 'Oh God, I hope he doesn't come here,' says Orla. 'Maybe we should lock the doors.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Maybe you should barricade them.'"|BarricadeDoors]] [["'I'm glad you left them open for me.'"|DoorOpenForMe]] [["'So I'm less boring than Laura's dad?'"|LessBoring]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe you should barricade them,' I say. Deirdre giggles sympathetically. 'Ha ha yeah,' says Aisling. 'Hey, we heard you made best man,' she says. 'Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm glad you left them open for me, then,' I say. 'Our doors are always open for you, Aiden,' says Aisling, which warms my heart. 'Hey,' she continues, 'we heard you made best man. Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So I'm less boring than Laura's dad,' I say. 'That's nice.' 'You're not boring, Aiden, and I don't want to hear any more about it,' says Aisling. 'Hey, and you know what else isn't boring? Being the new best man. We heard about it this morning. Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, worse things could happen.' 'Anyway, you didn't do too badly out of it,' says Aisling. 'We heard this morning. Promotion to best man. Congratulations.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Someone had to step in.'"|SomeoneHadToDoIt]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Someone had to do it,' I say with mock swagger. 'Especially after the incident with Colm.' 'The incident!' says Orla. 'I don't know why you're being so coy about it. The guy got drunk off his face and jumped off the quay and broke his hand.' 'The tide was out,' explains Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I didn't know that.'"|IDidntKnow]] [["'A case of 'drunk diving' then.'"|DrunkDiving]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Have you watched any Buffy yet?' I ask. 'It's really good, you'd really like it. Trust me, it's like a totally new form of —' 'It's creepy shit,' says Orla. 'Can we not talk about nerd stuff?' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You would find it empowering.'"|FindItEmpowering]] [["'It gets better in season two.'"|StartWithSeasonTwo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Please don't lump my tastes in with John's,' I say, 'His lean more towards the teenage-boy-oriented end of the nerd market.' Deirdre giggles at my exaggerated sneer. 'Yeah, like Buffy isn't aimed at teenage boys,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Have you actually watched any Buffy yet?'"|HaveToWatchBuffy]] [["'Buffy is all about female empowerment.'"|FindItEmpowering]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think you as women especially would find Buffy empowering,' I say, and I can hear my voice wavering, 'it's full of strong —' 'It's full of creepy shit,' says Orla. 'You know what I find empowering?' says Aisling. 'Brownies.' She pops the rest of the brownie into her mouth.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Don't say that.'"|BrownieEmpowerment]] [["'Buffy gets better in season two.'"|StartWithSeasonTwo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Orla, maybe you saw something from the first season,' I say, 'Season two —' 'La la la, I said no nerd stuff,' says Aisling, talking over me. 'Tempers getting raised, always happens. Can we talk about something else, like, I don't know, offering congratulations to the new best man?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You can't say that,' I say, 'Women and chocolate, it's such a cliche, so limiting, Buffy is about transcending that. You're about so much more than brownies.' 'No I'm not!' says Aisling. 'The nerve of him,' say Orla. 'Hey, speaking of empowerment,' says Aisling, 'we heard somebody got empowered this morning. Best man, huh? Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But charm is all relative, that's the problem,' I say. 'What's charming for one person is not for another. That's why we need to look beneath the surface, to preserve the notion of —' 'Boring!' says Orla. 'Yeah, haven't you heard?' says Aisling. 'People are either charming or tedious. Don't be tedious, Aiden. Get with the charming people.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'We need to preserve the notion of inner life.'"|InnerLife]] [["'I hate charm.'"|IDespiseCharm]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's not about charm,' I say. 'It's what's inside the person that counts.' 'And you know what's inside me?' says Aisling. 'Brownies. Cut me open and it's brownie all the way.' Deirdre giggles.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Don't say that.'"|BrownieInside]] [["'I hate charm.'"|IDespiseCharm]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'We need to preserve the notion of inner life,' I say, completing my sentence. 'It's what's inside the person that counts.' 'And you know what's inside me?' says Aisling. 'Brownies. Cut me open and it's brownie all the way.' Deirdre giggles.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Don't say that.'"|BrownieInside]] [["'I hate charm.'"|IDespiseCharm]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I despise charm,' I say, and I feel myself shudder. 'Well, you would,' says Orla, and Deirdre stifles a giggle. 'Hey!' says Aisling. 'Hey! Getting a bit heavy for this morning, aren't we? Can we move on to more positive things, like, I don't know, someone here getting promoted to best man? We were there when it happened, Aiden. Congratulations!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You can't say that,' I say, 'Women and chocolate, it's such a cliche, so limiting. You're about so much more than brownies.' 'No I'm not!' says Aisling. 'The nerve of him,' say Orla. 'Anyway, Aiden, we know there's more to you than meets the eye. We were there this morning. Best man, huh? Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Colonel Sanders is a character from a fast food franchise,' I say. 'It's not a nerd thing.' 'It's all a nerd thing,' says Aisling. 'All these franchises. You and John and your nerd franchises.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Please don't bracket me with John.'"|NotTheSameNerd]] [["'Colonel Sanders is not a nerd character.'"|SandersNotNerd]] [["'I'm sorry, Aisling.'"|SorrySanders]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Colonel Sanders is not a nerd character,' I say. 'Well, he looks like a nerd,' says Orla. 'The glasses, the goatee...'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Are you saying I look like a nerd?'"|ILookLikeANerd]] [["'No, I mean he's not a character from a nerd franchise.'"|FastNerdFranchise2]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm sorry, Aisling,' I say. 'No worries, Ade,' she says. 'Hey! We have to talk about your big news! We were there this morning. New best man, huh? Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Are you saying I look like a nerd?' I ask with mock outrage. Orla looks at me and shrugs. 'One thing you do look like,' says Aisling, 'is the new best man at Laura's wedding! We heard it happen this morning. Congratulations!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] [["'Yeah, someone had to step in.'"|SomeoneHadToDoIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lord of the Rings.' I say. 'Yeah, well we know you're also a lost cause with this nerd stuff,' says Aisling. 'You and your Sandman comics and your Japanese cartoons and your, what's that latest thing you've been going on about? Bundy?' 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's not the same.'"|NotTheSameNerd]] [["'Have you watched any Buffy yet?'"|HaveToWatchBuffy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I didn't know that,' I say. 'Well now you do,' says Orla. 'Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, either. Everything about it was perfect. Poetic justice for Cop-a-feel Colm.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Cop-a-feel Colm?'"|CopAFeelColm]] [["'Maybe we shouldn't celebrate his misfortune.'"|CelebrateHisMisfortune]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sounds like a case of 'drunk diving' to me,' I say, and Aisling groans obligingly. Deirdre just giggles, which is not quite the reaction I intended. 'It's a case of men trying to impress each other,' says Orla, 'some kind of homoerotic locker-room thing. Apparently he wasn't wearing pants at the time. Well, Colm had his last chance with John, and he screwed up. Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You're not a fan of Colm, then?'"|NotAFanOfColm]] [["'Maybe he'll get another chance with John.'"|AnotherChanceWithJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're not a fan of Colm, then?' 'Cop-a-feel Colm, that's what we call him since the engagement party,' says Orla. 'Dee can tell you all about it.'">><<if $deirdreintro is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " She looks up at Deirdre, who is the tallest and most 'conventionally attractive' of the three, inevitably the one to be 'hit on' by random males, though for myself I find Aisling and even Orla more attractive, for me it's more about the whole person.">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'The little creep,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What happened at the engagement party?'"|EngagementParty]] [["'I don't remember anything happening at the engagement party.'"|DontRememberEngage]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You never know, maybe he will get another chance with John,' I say. 'Not if Laura has her way!' says Aisling. 'If I had my way,' says Orla, 'Colm would be out on his arse, permanently. Cop-a-feel Colm and his roving hand. I tell you, if he tries that shit on me, I'll break his other one.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Cop-a-feel Colm?'"|CopAFeelColm]] [["'What did he do?'"|WhatColmDoFirst]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Cop-a-feel Colm?' 'That's what we call him since the engagement party,' says Orla. 'Dee can tell you all about it.'">><<if $deirdreintro is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " She looks up at Deirdre, who is the tallest and most 'conventionally attractive' of the three, inevitably the one to be 'hit on' by random males, though for myself I find Aisling and even Orla more attractive, for me it's more about the whole person.">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'The little creep,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What happened at the engagement party?'"|EngagementParty]] [["'I don't remember anything happening at the engagement party.'"|DontRememberEngage]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe we shouldn't celebrate his misfortune,' I say. 'I'll celebrate what I like,' says Orla. 'That creep. You know all about him, don't you, Dee?'">><<if $deirdreintro is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " She looks up at Deirdre, who is the tallest and most 'conventionally attractive' of the three, inevitably the one to be 'hit on' by random males, though for myself I find Aisling and even Orla more attractive, for me it's more about the whole person.">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'The engagement party,' says Deirdre, shaking her head.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What happened at the engagement party?'"|EngagementParty]] [["'I don't remember anything happening at the engagement party.'"|DontRememberEngage]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What happened at the engagement party?' I ask">><<if $addressdeirdre is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + ", addressing no one in particular. In all these years I don't think I've ever spoken to Deirdre directly, and it would seem weird to start now">><<else>><<set $newtext to $newtext + ". It still seems so weird to talk to Deirdre directly">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + ". 'I was at the bar ordering drinks,' says Deirdre, 'and he sneaked up behind me. He thought I wouldn't notice in the crowd, but I caught him.' 'Red-handed,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What was he doing?'"|WhatWasColmDoing]] [["'Was he feeling you up?'"|FeelingYouUp]] [["'What did you do then?'"|WhatDoThenColm]] [["'That's really horrible.'"|ReallyHorrible]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't remember anything happening at the engagement party,' I say. 'That's because you were in a world of your own, as usual,' says Orla. 'I was at the bar ordering drinks,' says Deirdre, 'and Colm sneaked up behind me. He thought I wouldn't notice in the crowd, but I caught him.' 'Red-handed,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What was he doing?'"|WhatWasColmDoing]] [["'Was he feeling you up?'"|FeelingYouUp]] [["'What did you do then?'"|WhatDoThenColm]] [["'That's really horrible.'"|ReallyHorrible]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What was he doing?' I say. 'Jesus, Aiden, he was putting his hand where it shouldn't be!' says Orla. 'What more do you need to know? I suppose you want the porno version? Men are all the same.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's not what I meant!'"|NotWhatIMeantFeel]] [["'I'm not like that.'"|ImNotLikeThat]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What, was he touching your —?' I begin, and rather than say the word, I complete my question in mime. 'Jesus, Aiden!' says Orla. 'You're just as bad. Men are all the same.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's not what I meant!'"|NotWhatIMeantFeel]] [["'I'm not like that.'"|ImNotLikeThat]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What did you do then?' 'I told him to fuck off,' says Deirdre. 'But he just acted like nothing happened. Moved away without saying a word, like I wasn't even there.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm really sorry that happened.'"|ReallySorryDeirdre]] [["'That's really horrible.'"|ReallyHorrible]] [["'And this is the person John chose as best man.'"|JohnsChoice]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What did he do?' 'It was at the engagement party,' says Orla. 'Dee can tell you all about it.'">><<if $deirdreintro is false>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " She looks up at Deirdre, who is the tallest and most 'conventionally attractive' of the three, inevitably the one to be 'hit on' by random males, though for myself I find Aisling and even Orla more attractive, for me it's more about the whole person.">><</if>><<set $newtext to $newtext + " 'The little creep,' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What happened at the engagement party?'"|EngagementParty]] [["'I don't remember anything happening at the engagement party.'"|DontRememberEngage]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No, no, that's not what I meant at all,' I say. 'It's just — I mean — I mean, I really want you to know that I could never even imagine doing such a thing —' 'We know,' says Aisling. 'Don't worry, Aiden, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@[["we know you're a good guy.'"|KnowImGoodGuy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "we know you're a good guy.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm not like that,' I say. 'I really want you to know, I'm not like other men in that way. I would never even think —' 'We know,' says Aisling. 'Don't worry, Aiden, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@[["we know you're a good guy.'"|KnowImGoodGuy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "we know you're a good guy.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm really sorry that happened,' I say. 'I had no idea.' 'Well now you know,' says Orla. 'That's what we have to deal with. That's what it's like, navigating the world of men.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'But not all men are like that.'"|NotAllMen]] [["'And this is the person John chose as best man.'"|JohnsChoice]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's horrible,' I say. 'Yeah, well that's what men are like,' says Orla. 'That's what we have to deal with.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm not like that.'"|ImNotLikeThat]] [["'And this is the person John chose as best man.'"|JohnsChoice]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And this was John's choice for best man,' I say. 'I don't think John knows,' says Aisling. 'We didn't even tell Laura about it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I still think it reflects badly on John.'"|ReflectsBadlyOnJohn]] [["'How can he not know?'"|HeHasToKnow]] [["'Why didn't you tell Laura?'"|DidntTellLaura]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Oh, it feels so good to hear that. I certainly try to be a good person, and all the time I hope and even suspect that others think of me the same way — but to hear it confirmed, and by people whose opinion I care about —">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Look, he's going red!' says Orla."|LookHesGoingRed]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Look, he's going red!' says Orla.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But, um, not all men are like that,' I say, clearing my throat and pointing at myself. 'Oh, we know that, Aiden,' says Aisling. 'Don't worry, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@[["we know you're a good guy.'"|KnowImGoodGuy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "we know you're a good guy.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I still think it reflects badly on John,' I say. 'It reflects badly on men,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'But not all men are like that.'"|NotAllMen]] [["'I'm not like that.'"|ImNotLikeThat]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'How can he not know his best friend is a creep?' I say. 'Probably he's the same.' 'Well, we don't know about that,' says Aisling. 'Wouldn't surprise me,' says Orla. 'Men are all the same.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not all men are like that.'"|NotAllMen]] [["'I'm not like that.'"|ImNotLikeThat]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Why didn't you tell Laura?' 'Yeah, blame us for Colm being a creep.' says Orla. 'Jesus, Aiden, you're just as bad. Men are all the same.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's not what I meant!'"|NotWhatIMeantFeel]] [["'I'm not like that.'"|ImNotLikeThat]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Honestly, Aiden, it's nothing to be so puffed up about. Not pinching arses on the sly is kind of the bare minimum.' 'And besides, red face and white suit — it's not such a good look,' says Aisling. 'Hey,' she continues, 'we can do something about that! I see you brought the roses.'">><<set $hasflowers to true>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, that's why I'm here.'"|ThatsWhyImHere]] [["'Yeah, Laura asked me to.'"|LauraAskedFlowers]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, that's why I'm here,' I say. 'Aww, and I thought it was because you wanted to see us,' says Aisling. 'Well, hand them over.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What are they for?'"|WhatAreFlowersFor]] [["'And what do I get in return?'"|WhatInReturn]] [["'But if I do that, you'll kick me out.'"|YoullKickMeOut]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, Laura asked me to,' I say. 'We know,' says Aisling. 'Well, hand them over.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What are they for?'"|WhatAreFlowersFor]] [["'And what do I get in return?'"|WhatInReturn]] [["'But if I do that, you'll kick me out.'"|YoullKickMeOut]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<if $hasflowers is true>><<set $newtext to " 'What are the flowers for?' I ask as I hand the box to Deirdre. 'They're marks of distinction,' says Aisling. 'You'll see. Just let Dee do her thing.' Deirdre has taken a rose from the box and is wrapping its stem in a white ribbon.">><<else>><<set $newtext to " 'What are the flowers for?' I ask. 'They're marks of distinction,' says Aisling. 'You'll see. Just let Dee do her thing.' Deirdre has taken a rose from the box and is wrapping its stem in a white ribbon.">><</if>><<set $hasflowers to false>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What is Deirdre doing?'"|WhatsDeirdreDoing]] [["'Looks like we're getting mummified roses.'"|MummifiedRoses]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But what do I get in return?' I ask somewhat flirtily. Deirdre giggles as she takes away the box of roses. 'You get brownie points,' says Aisling. 'Which can be redeemed for actual brownies after the ceremony.'">><<set $hasflowers to false>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What are the flowers for?'"|WhatAreFlowersFor]] [["'That doesn't sound like a good deal.'"|NotAGoodDeal]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But if I do that you'll just kick me out,' I say. 'Not immediately,' says Orla. Deirdre giggles as she takes away the box of roses. 'Look, you're still here,' says Aisling.">><<set $hasflowers to false>><<set $kickmeout to true>><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What are the flowers for?'"|WhatAreFlowersFor]] [["'For the moment.'"|ForTheMoment]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That doesn't sound like a good deal to me,' I say. 'Well, it's the deal you're getting,' says Aisling. Deirdre has taken a single rose from the box and is wrapping its stem in a white ribbon.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What is Deirdre doing?'"|WhatsDeirdreDoing]] [["'Looks like we're getting mummified roses.'"|MummifiedRoses]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, for the moment,' I say. Deirdre has taken a single rose from the box and is wrapping its stem in a white ribbon.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What is Deirdre doing?'"|WhatsDeirdreDoing]] [["'Looks like we're getting mummified roses.'"|MummifiedRoses]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What's Deirdre doing?' I say with mock-nervousness. 'All the important people get a flower,' says Aisling. 'Three for the bridesmaids, two for the happy couple, and one for the best man.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's me.'"|ThatsMeBestMan]] [["'Sounds like Lord of the Rings.'"|SoundsLikeLOTR]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Looks like we're getting mummified roses,' I say. 'Only on the stems!' laughs Deirdre. 'All the important people get a rose,' says Aisling. 'Two for the happy couple, three for the bridesmaids, and one for the best man.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's me.'"|ThatsMeBestMan]] [["'Sounds like Lord of the Rings.'"|SoundsLikeLOTR]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's me,' I say. 'The best man.' 'And now the best man gets his rose,' says Deirdre. 'I'm just going to pin this to your jacket.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Hold still.'"|HoldStill]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " Hold still.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sounds like Lord of the Rings,' I say. 'Nine rings for the —' 'Enough with the nerd shit, Aiden,' says Aisling. Deirdre advances towards me with a rose. 'I'm just going to pin this to your jacket,' she says. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Hold still.'"|HoldStill]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "'Hold still.'" >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Her right hand guides the pin, her left hand reaches inside my jacket to receive it. I can feel the heat of her breath on my neck as she leans in, and the weight of her breast — 'There,' she says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'He's going red again!' says Orla."|GoingRedAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'He's going red again!' says Orla.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But now the colours are more coordinated,' says Aisling, 'the pink rose and the blushing cheeks.' Deirdre giggles. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Job's done now, Aiden,' says Orla. 'You can go.'"|WereDoneHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Job's done now, Aiden,' says Orla. 'You can go.'" >><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "I can feel the heat of her breath on my neck as she leans in, and the weight of her breast —", "")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm sorry Orla,' I say, 'I was just joking, I really didn't mean to —' 'We know, we know,' says Aisling. 'Seriously, shush,' she says before I can continue my apology. 'Let's talk about your big news instead. New best man, huh? Congratulations.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm here to —' 'We know why you're here,' says Aisling. 'We were there this morning, we heard it happening. New best man, huh? Congratulations.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ [["'Do I have to?'"|DoIHaveToGo]] [["'I suppose I'll go, then.'"|SupposeIllGo]]<<if $kickmeout is true>> [["'I told you you'd kick me out.'"|KnewYoudKickMe]]<</if>> <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Do I have to?' 'Yep,' says Orla. 'Bye!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I suppose I'll go then.'"|SupposeIllGo]] [["'Unless you want me to stay a bit longer?'"|ABitLonger]] [["'Bye, Orla.'"|ByeOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I suppose I'll go then,' I say. 'Bye Aiden!' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Any minute now.'"|AnyMinuteNow]] [["'Unless you want me to stay a bit longer?'"|ABitLonger]] [["'Bye, Orla.'"|ByeOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I told you you'd kick me out.'. 'And you were right,' says Orla. 'Bye!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I suppose I'll go then.'"|SupposeIllGo]] [["'Unless you want me to stay a bit longer after all?'"|ABitLonger]] [["'Bye, Orla.'"|ByeOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No, I mean it's not a nerd franchise,' I say, 'it's a fast food —' 'We're talking in circles!' says Aisling. 'Can we not talk in circles? Can someone break the circle? Aiden, you can break the circle!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Okay, consider it broken.'"|ConsiderItBroken]] [["'I'm not sure I can.'"|NotSureICanBreak]] [["'I'm sorry, Aisling.'"|SorrySanders]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Okay, consider it broken,' I say. 'Good,' says Aisling, 'I knew you could do it. Hey!' she says in a brighter tone, 'We have to talk about your big news! We were there this morning. New best man, huh? Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm not sure I can,' I say. 'Then I'll break it for you,' says Aisling, 'Because we have to talk about your big news! We were there this morning. New best man, huh? Congrats on your promotion.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Any minute now,' I say. It's an old routine we do: The girls ask me to leave on some pretext or other, and I pretend to resist, and we have a bit of playful back and forth. Sometimes Orla even physically pushes me away, which can be fun. 'I don't know if you realised, Aiden,' says Orla, 'but we were having a conversation before you barged in here, and we'd like to go back to it.' 'Girl talk,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I can do girl talk.'"|ICanDoGirlTalk]] [["'I can wait in the corner if you like.'"|WaitInTheCorner]] [["'Of course I realised.'"|OfCourseIRealised]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "sweet temptations.", "sweet temptations. They were having a conversation about something when I arrived.")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're sure you don't want me to stay a bit longer?' I say. It's an old routine we do: The girls ask me to leave on some pretext or other, and I pretend to resist, and we have a bit of playful back and forth. Sometimes Orla even ends up physically pushing me away, which can be fun. 'I don't know if you realised, Aiden,' says Orla, 'but we were having a conversation before you barged in here, and we'd like to go back to it.' 'Girl talk,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I can do girl talk.'"|ICanDoGirlTalk]] [["'I can wait in the corner if you like.'"|WaitInTheCorner]] [["'Of course I realised.'"|OfCourseIRealised]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><<set $bodytext to replace($bodytext, "sweet temptations.", "sweet temptations. They were having a conversation about something when I arrived.")>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Bye Orla,' I say. 'And still he doesn't go!' says Orla. 'What are you waiting for?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm just waiting for everyone else to say goodbye.'"|OtherGoodbyes]] [["'You're sure you don't want me to stay a bit longer?'"|ABitLonger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I can do girl talk,' I say. 'No you can't,' says Orla. 'Out!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You don't think I'm 'one of the girls'?'"|OneOfTheGirls]] [["'Can you at least tell me what you were talking about?'"|CanYouTellMeWhat]] [["'Will you let me join in one day?'"|LetMeJoinOneDay]] [["'I'll go if you ask nicely.'"|IfYouAskNicely]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I can wait in the corner if you like,' I say. 'I promise I won't listen.' 'No, we don't like,' says Orla. 'Out!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Can you at least tell me what you were talking about?'"|CanYouTellMeWhat]] [["'I'll go if you ask nicely.'"|IfYouAskNicely]] [["'Last time you promised to let me stay.'"|LastTimeYouPromised]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Of course I realised,' I say. 'Okay, so what are you still doing here?' says Orla. 'Go!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'I'll go if you ask nicely.'"|IfYouAskNicely]] [["'Can you at least tell me what you were talking about?'"|CanYouTellMeWhat]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm just waiting for everyone else to say goodbye to me.' 'Bye Aiden!' says Deirdre.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Bye.'"|ByeDeirdre]] [["'And what about Aisling?'"|WhatAboutAsh]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Bye,' I say to the room in general. 'See ya later,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Bye Aisling.'"|ByeAisling]] [["'I'll go, then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And what about Ash?' I ask, looking at her pleadingly. 'See ya later, Aiden,' says Aisling.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Bye Aisling.'"|ByeAisling]] [["'I'll go, then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'll go then,' I say, putting on a sad face. 'Bye Aiden!' says Aisling. 'Out the door, now!' says Orla. 'I'm counting down. Five, four —'.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I don't dare let her complete the count."|CompleteCount]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'll go if you ask nicely,' I say. 'Aiden, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit this morning, okay?' says Orla. 'Now will you kindly just fuck off.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'That wasn't very nice.'"|NotVeryNice]] [["'I'm sorry, Orla.'"|SorryAboutBullshitOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Can you at least tell me what you were talking about?' 'Aiden, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit this morning, okay?' says Orla. 'Will you kindly just fuck off.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Were you going to talk about me?'"|TalkAboutMe]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'That wasn't very nice.'"|NotVeryNice]] [["'I'm sorry, Orla.'"|SorryAboutBullshitOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You don't think I'm one of the girls?' I ask. 'No, Aiden, I think you're a prick,' says Orla. 'Now will you kindly just fuck off?' 'Orla means business this morning,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'That wasn't very nice.'"|NotVeryNice]] [["'I'm sorry, Orla.'"|SorryAboutBullshitOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Will you let me join in one day?' I ask. 'One day—' begins Aisling. 'No we won't!' says Orla. 'Aiden, I'm not in the mood for your bullshit this morning, okay? Will you kindly just fuck off.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'That wasn't very nice.'"|NotVeryNice]] [["'I'm sorry, Orla.'"|SorryAboutBullshitOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'But last time you promised to let me stay.' 'No, last time you said you'd leave when we—' says Aisling. 'Oh, don't play along with him!' says Orla. 'Aiden, I'm not in the mood this morning, okay? Will you kindly just fuck off.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'That wasn't very nice.'"|NotVeryNice]] [["'I'm sorry, Orla.'"|SorryAboutBullshitOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Bye Ash,' I say. 'Yeah, let's talk later.' 'Yeah,' she says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'We will meet up later, right?'"|WellMeetUpLater]] [["'I'll go, then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's not very nice,' I say. 'Boo fucking hoo,' say Orla. 'We're sorry,' says Aisling. 'Look, we'll meet up later, okay? Lots of fun and games.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'We will meet up later, right?'"|WellMeetUpLater]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'We will meet up later, right?' I say. 'Inevitably,' says Orla. 'Definitely,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'The old gang reunited.'"|TheOldGang]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm really sorry, Orla,' I say. Orla sighs. 'It's okay, Aiden,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I should have stopped earlier.'"|ShouldHaveStoppedBye]] [["'Still friends?'"|StillFriends]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I know I should have stopped earlier,' I say. 'I thought we were doing a kind of routine, but I should have realised —' 'Fuck off, Aiden!' says Orla. 'Seriously, if you're not out of this room in five seconds, I'm going to punch you.' 'I think she means it,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'Why is she in such a bad mood?'"|OrlaBadMood]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'We're still friends, right?' I say. 'Still fiends, Aiden,' says Aisling. 'Look, we'll meet up later, okay? Lots of fun and games.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'We will meet up later, right?'"|WellMeetUpLater]] [["'I know should have stopped earlier.'"|ShouldHaveStoppedBye]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The old gang reunited.' 'The old gang,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Maybe Laura will join.'"|HopefullyLauraGang]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hopefully Laura will join,' I say. 'Honestly, Aiden, will you just fuck off!' says Orla. 'I mean it, if you're not out of this room in five seconds, I'm going to punch you.' 'I think she means it,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] [["'Why is she in such a bad mood?'"|OrlaBadMood]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What's got into —' I begin, but Orla lunges at me. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I run for the door and slam it behind me."|CompleteCount]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

There's something a bit off about the group dynamic without Laura. Orla, my old sparring partner... you're a good person, Orla, but sometimes you can go too far, sometimes you can be hurtful. Laura somehow is able to temper your worst excesses. Aisling tries, I can see that, but she's just not up to it... [[Something is off about Aisling, too.|SomethingOffAboutAsh]]

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You were going to talk about me, I suppose?' I say. Orla sighs and rolls her eyes. 'Aiden, we can do this later, okay?' says Aisling. 'Now is not the time.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'We will meet up later, right?'"|WellMeetUpLater]] [["'I'll go then.'"|IllGoThenAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

It's not just the weight she has put on, it's something else. There's an odd cynicism creeping in. Ash always used to be the nicest of the three, the nicest person you could meet. Last year I even considered [[having a sort of 'fling' with her -- |LauraEncouragedIt]]

I had Laura's blessing too, Laura even encouraged me privately. And it was clear that John wasn't going to be out of the picture for some time, and I always suspected Ash 'likes' me, [[so....|AidenMakeAMove]]

<<audio "hardcore" play volume 0.5>>And then she said 'You always were my best man, Aiden, you know that, don't you? She looked into my eyes and said 'Aiden, you always were my best man.' <<timed 6s>>[[She touched me and said --|FaceTheDay]]<</timed>>

I should have 'made my move', been more decisive. It might have been nice, for a time. It would have been better for Ash, it would have been the right thing to do. [[Pretty sure she wanted it, too.|ProbablyWantedIt]]

The trouble is, Ash isn't Laura. It wouldn't have been fair on Ash. I wouldn't want to hurt her — Ash is too nice, really. That's why she couldn't say no to Nick. And we can see where that got her. [[Still, I can't help feeling a little responsible....|SoThisIsReception]]

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "So this, then, is the main reception hall.">><<set $bodytext2 to " (The camera picks out the exposed wiring of the sound system, the uneven levels of floor and ceiling, the space where the carpet doesn't fit, the joins where the original rooms have been knocked together. Subtext: this union is ramshackle, hastily put together, could fall apart at any minute.)">><</silently>> $bodytext [[Let me paint the picture:|MainReception]]$bodytext2 <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " Let me paint the picture:" + $bodytext2>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " The tables already set. Already, stray guests filing through, filling time before the ceremony, forming temporary islands of chit-chat, ">><<set $newtext2 to " (the camera lingers on bored glances, awkward postures, indecisive hands).">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@[[moving on|MovingOnParty]]@@color:white;$newtext2@@ <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "moving on" + $newtext2>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " We see Laura's mother here, fussing nobly over the table decorations, busy directing her friends, genuinely wanting only the best ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[for her daughter --|ContrastJohnsParents]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " for her daughter —">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " We contrast John's parents — obviously John's parents — standing idle near the door, laughing, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[in conversation with a priest --|ConversationWithAPriest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " in conversation with a priest —">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm looking forward to the styles, myself,' I hear John's mother say as I approach. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[They haven't noticed me.|TheyHaventNoticed]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " They haven't noticed me.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " The two men with their backs to me. The priest says something. 'Oh, the vestments, I love them,' I hear her say, laughing,">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[and she touches his shoulder.|TouchesPriest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " and she touches his shoulder.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " More male mumbling. 'Oh, mine was beautiful,' I hear her say, 'and you know what, it still fits me. I'd have worn it today, only ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[I wouldn't want to upstage anyone.'|UpstageAnyone]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " I wouldn't want to upstage anyone.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And what about you, Jack?' asks the priest. 'Is that your wedding suit you have on, is it?' 'Not at all,' says John's father. 'That's long gone. I don't even remember what I was wearing ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["on my wedding day.'"|WeddingNight]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " on my wedding day.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He only remembers what he wore on his wedding night!' laughs John's mother. 'Yeah, and I still fit into it, too!' he says, and they all laugh. They stop laughing abruptly when they notice me. 'Oh, hello,' says John's mother, like she's talking to a child. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Hi, I'm Aiden. I'm the new best man.'"|HiImAiden]] [["'I hope I'm not interrupting.'"|HopeNotInterrupt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hi, my name is Aiden Tunney, I'm the new best man,' I say. 'Jack Corrigan,' says John's father, shaking my hand. 'I'm May,' says John's mother, who is more reticent in her handshake. The priest grasps my hand in both of his. 'A pleasure to meet you,' he says. 'Father Collins, we'll be performing together later. Nothing to worry about, just follow my lead and you'll be fine. And listen,' he says, widening his arms to embrace John's mother and me, 'I better go now and learn my lines. I wish you all the best, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["all right?'"|LearnYourLines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "all right?'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I hope I'm not interrupting,' I say. 'Not at all, not at all,' says the priest, his hand on my shoulder, 'I have to get going anyway. I'm Father Collins,' he says, now shaking my hand, 'a pleasure to meet you.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm Aiden.'"|ImAidenTunney]] [["'You too.'"|YouTooFather]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You better not forget them, Father!' says John's mother. 'May, you're talking to a professional,' says the priest. 'I'll get your lad married off in good order. He'll be out of your hands by two o'clock this afternoon.' 'Ah, we won't get rid of him so easily,' says John's father. 'I can only do my bit,' says the priest, 'the rest is up to you. Listen, I'll see you, all right?' he says, walking away. 'God bless.' 'God bless, Father!' they say, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["all smiles."|TheyTurnToMe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " all smiles.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Then they turn to me.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'So, I'm here about the rings.'"|HereAboutRings]] [["[Wait for them to say something.]"|WaitForThem]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So, I'm here about the rings,' I say. 'Oh yes, John told us you'd be here this morning,' says John's mother. 'Awful what happened to poor Colm, wasn't it?' ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahAwfulColm2]] [["'I don't know, I wasn't there.'"|WasntThereColm2]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Awful what happened to Colm, wasn't it?' says John's mother after a few moments have passed. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahAwfulColm]] [["'I don't know, I wasn't there.'"|WasntThereColm]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah,' I say. 'Awful,' she says again. Another few moments pass. 'Friend of John, are you?' says John's father. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not really.'"|NotReallyFriendJohn]] [["'Yeah, kind of.'"|KindOfFriend]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't know, I wasn't there,' I say. 'Oh,' she says. 'Well, it was awful.' Another few moments pass. 'Friend of John, are you?' says John's father. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not really.'"|NotReallyFriendJohn]] [["'Yeah, kind of.'"|KindOfFriend]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not really,' I say. 'Oh,' he says. 'Then how do you know John?' asks John's mother. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Mostly through Laura.'"|MostlyThruLaura]] [["'I don't know him that well.'"|DontKnowJohnWell]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, kind of,' I say. 'Classmates, were you?' he asks.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not really.'"|NotReallyClassmates]] [["'Yeah, kind of.'"|KindOfClassmates]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Mostly through Laura,' I say. 'Oh, I see, right,' says John's father. 'Jack, I think you should give him the rings,' says John's mother. 'Oh right, yeah,' he says, and rummages in his jacket pocket.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I've got them here.'"|GotTheRingsHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'I've got them here.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't know him that well,' I say. 'I'm a friend of Laura's,' I add quickly, in response to their puzzled looks, 'she asked me — they asked me to help out this morning.' 'I see, right,' says John's father. 'Jack, I think you should give him the rings,' says John's mother. 'Oh right, yeah,' he says, and rummages in his jacket pocket.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I've got them here.'"|GotTheRingsHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'I've got them here.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not really,' I say. 'I see, right,' says John's father. 'Jack, I think you should give him the rings,' says John's mother. 'Oh right, yeah,' he says, and rummages in his jacket pocket.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I've got them here.'"|GotTheRingsHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'I've got them here.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, kind of,' I say. We were technically in the same comp sci course in first year, but no one knew him then. Better times. 'I see, right,' says John's father. 'Jack, I think you should give him the rings,' says John's mother. 'Oh right, yeah,' he says, and rummages in his jacket pocket.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I've got them here.'"|GotTheRingsHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'I've got them here.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " He drops a pair of plain gold rings into my hand. 'Guard them well, mind,' says John's mother. 'Anyone tries to take them off you, hit them with an uppercut,' says John's father, waving his huge fist to demonstrate.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SureUppercut]] [["'I'm not much of a fighter.'"|LoverNotFighter]] [["'I think that's very unlikely.'"|VeryUnlikely]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah,' I say. 'Awful,' she says again. 'Friend of John, are you?' says John's father, more brightly. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not really.'"|NotReallyFriendJohn]] [["'Yeah, kind of.'"|KindOfFriend]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't know, I wasn't there,' I say. 'Oh,' she says. 'Well, it was awful.' 'Friend of John, are you?' says John's father, more brightly. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not really.'"|NotReallyFriendJohn]] [["'Yeah, kind of.'"|KindOfFriend]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm Aiden Tunney,' I say. 'Oh, you're the new best man!' says John's mother. 'The new best man! Why didn't you say?' says the priest. 'We'll be performing together later!' 'Jack Corrigan,' says John's father, shaking my hand. 'I'm May,' says John's mother, who smiles and waves. 'Nothing to worry about later,' the priest says to me, 'just follow my lead and you'll be fine. Anyway, listen,' he says to the group, 'I've got to go and learn my lines. I wish you all the best, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["all right?'"|LearnYourLines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " all right?'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You too,' I say. 'And, ah, to what do we owe the pleasure?' asks John's father.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm Aiden.'"|ImAidenTunney]] [["'I'm the new best man.'"|ImNewBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm the new best man,' I say. 'Oh, you're Aiden!' says John's mother. 'The new best man! Why didn't you say?' says the priest. 'We'll be performing together later!' 'Jack Corrigan,' says John's father, shaking my hand. 'I'm May,' says John's mother, who smiles and waves. 'Nothing to worry about later,' the priest says to me, 'just follow my lead and you'll be fine. Anyway, listen,' he says to the group, 'I've got to go and learn my lines. I wish you all the best, ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["all right?'"|LearnYourLines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " all right?'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sure,' I say. 'And don't try to pawn them off in the meantime, either,' he says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SurePawn]] [["'Probably wouldn't be worth it, anyway.'"|WorthTheTrouble]] [["'I don't think there's a pawn shop here.'"|NoPawnShop]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm not much of a fighter,' I say. 'Well hang on to them anyway,' she says, 'even if they take you down.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SureUppercut]] [["'Who'd take me down?'"|WhoTakeMeDown]] [["'I think that's very unlikely.'"|VeryUnlikely]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sure,' I say. 'They're very valuable,' he concludes, lamely. 'Oh, will you look who's here!' says John's mother.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I turn around to see."|LookWhosHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Probably wouldn't be worth the trouble,' I say. 'Oh,' he says. 'Will you look who's here!' says John's mother, brightening suddenly.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I turn around to see."|LookWhosHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't think there's a pawn shop around,' I say. 'Oh, well with gold, there's always a way,' he concludes, lamely. 'Will you look who's here!' says John's mother.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I turn around to see."|LookWhosHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Who'd want to take me down?' I say. 'Oh you never know,' she says, 'there's hooligans around.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'In Dunbawn?'"|HooligansInDunbawn]] [["'I think that's very unlikely.'"|VeryUnlikely]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think that's very unlikely,' I say. 'You never know,' she says. 'And don't try to pawn the rings off in the meantime, either,' he says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SurePawn]] [["'Probably wouldn't be worth it, anyway.'"|WorthTheTrouble]] [["'I don't think there's a pawn shop here.'"|NoPawnShop]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'In Dunbawn?' I say. 'Comerford hooligans are the worst hooligans,' he says, with evident local pride. 'You don't see the like of them in Dublin.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SurePawn]] [["'I'm not from Dublin.'"|ImNotDublin]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm not from Dublin originally,' I say. 'Oh,' he says. 'Will you look who's here!' says John's mother, brightening suddenly.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I turn around to see."|LookWhosHere]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I turn around to see John approaching, with his customary swaggering gait, now wearing his wedding suit. 'John!' his mother says. 'I thought you were going to get some sleep!' 'It's no use, mother,' says John (mother — such an affectation), 'I'm tanked up on adrenaline. Trust me, I can go all day.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'But you barely got a wink!' she says."|BarelyAWinkJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'But you barely got a wink!' she says.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Ah, I got a couple of hours now, and a couple in the hospital, I'll be fine.' 'And you look a holy hunt,' she says, fussing with his shirt collar (black shirt, silver tie), 'and look at the state of that. What kind of a knot is that? Jack, will you fix his tie?' 'Here,' says Jack's father, decisively rearranging the knot. Throughout all this, John looks down at me. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Parents,' he says, feigning embarrassment."|ParentsEmbarrassment]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Parents,' he says, feigning embarrassment.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And what's that smell?' says his mother, contorting her nose. 'That, if you must know, is a very expensive cologne, mother.' 'No, it's something minty. Something sick and minty. What is that?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Looks like John stepped in some chewing gum.'"|JohnSteppedInIt]] [["'Smells like old chewing gum.'"|ChummyGum]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Looks like John stepped in some chewing gum,' I say. There's a gob of it on his heel. John actually loses his composure. 'Shit, my new shoes!' he says. 'And you trailed it in here, and you'll trail it all up the aisle, too!' says his mother. 'Fuck!' says John. 'Fuck! I'll need a stick, or something.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Better to use an ice bag.'"|BetterIceBag]] [["'A stick won't work.'"|StickWontWork]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Smells like old chewing gum,' I say, pointing at the gob of gum that John has brought in on his heel. John actually loses his composure. 'Shit, my new shoes!' he says. 'And you trailed it in here, and you'll trail it all up the aisle, too!' says his mother. 'Fuck!' says John. 'Fuck! I'll need a stick, or something.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Better to use an ice bag.'"|BetterIceBag]] [["'A stick won't work.'"|StickWontWork]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Better to freeze it with some ice,' I say. 'Then it comes off more easily.' John's father nods in agreement. 'You hear that, John, you might get some sense into you,' says his mother. 'A stick! A stick will just make it worse! Come on, we'll go to the bar and get some ice.' 'Okay,' says John, turning to leave. 'And don't walk on it!' says his mother. 'Honestly, John, come here.' John sighs and raises a foot while she comes to support him. Then he limps off to the bar, hanging on to his mother.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I'm loving this."|ImLovingJohnHumil]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'A stick won't work,' I say. 'Better to freeze it, then it comes off more easily.' John's father nods in agreement. 'You hear that, John, you might get some sense into you,' says his mother. 'A stick! A stick will just make it worse! Come on, we'll go to the bar and get some ice.' 'Okay,' says John, turning to leave. 'And don't walk on it!' says his mother. 'Honestly, John, come here.' John sighs and raises a foot while she comes to support him. Then he limps off to the bar, hanging on to his mother.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I'm loving this."|ImLovingJohnHumil]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I'm loving this. The way he came in looking so smug, and left so defeated, limping away, hanging on to his mother, it's so perfect. 'I left something in the car,' says John's father, pointing vaguely, 'I'll just go —'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Sure.'"|SureGoFather]] [["'See you.'"|SeeYouGoFather]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sure,' I say and he leaves. And the face on John when he saw the chewing gum! All that swagger drained in an instant, 'Oh my shoes! my new shoes! my poor shoes!' ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["It couldn't have been better if I had actually planted it."|PlantedGum]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'See you,' I say and he leaves. And the face on John when he saw the chewing gum! All that swagger drained in an instant, 'Oh my shoes! my new shoes! my poor shoes!' ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["It couldn't have been better if I had actually planted it."|PlantedGum]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " It couldn't have been better if I had actually planted it. And the way I came up with the remedy, just like that. 'Listen to sense, John!' And then he limped away, defeated.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[Total humiliation.|CountItRevenge]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

Count it as revenge, John. And you know what they say about revenge? Well, that's a dish I'll be supping again in the coming time. [[Maybe even today.|MaybeTodayRevenge]]

A change is in the air, John. The die has been cast. The die has been cast since this morning, and you don't even suspect it. I've still got a role to play, John. [[And I'm going to play it to Laura's advantage, and mine.|MyDirection]]

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "I survey the scene. (The camera follows the trail of gum on the carpet, up a misplaced chair leg, along a symbolic wrinkle in the tablecloth....)">><</silently>>$bodytext [[And there, at the other end of the hall, I see Lisa.|ISpyLisa]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " And there, at the other end of the hall, I see Lisa">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to ", Laura's fifteen-year-old sister, slouching on a chair. One of the many unexpected bonuses of our relationship, Laura, has been the opportunity to get to know your sister. Always the darling of the family, I know, but I've come to consider Lisa a remarkable person ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[in her own right.|InHerOwnRight]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "in her own right.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "Over the years, we've witnessed her mature into a unique and interesting young woman, with striking opinions and insights of her own. Headstrong, yes, but with a ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [[characteristic vivacity|CharacteristicInsouicaiance]] that infects all around her. <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "characteristic vivacity that infects all around her.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I've come to value every interaction I've had with Lisa; every time, I've found I have much to learn from her, her embrace of life, her precocious wisdom —">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Hot, isn't she,' says a voice in my ear."|HotIntShe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Hot, isn't she,' says a voice in my ear.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " The voice belongs to one of John's thick-necked cousins from the stag party. He smells of cigarettes and looks like a builder.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What?'"|WhatHot]] [["'Don't talk like that about Laura's sister.'"|DontLaurasSister]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What?' I say. 'Tell you what,' he says, 'I wouldn't mind checking her out in a few years' time. Or a few hours' time if I get some drink into me, know what I mean!' He nudges me too hard with his elbow.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Please go away.'"|PleaseGoAway]] [["'Hey, that hurt.'"|HeyThatHurt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's Laura's sister —' I begin. 'Yeah,' he says, 'tell you what, I wouldn't mind checking her out in a few years' time. Or a few hours' time if I get some drink into me, know what I mean!' He nudges me too hard with his elbow.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Please go away.'"|PleaseGoAway]] [["'Hey, that hurt.'"|HeyThatHurt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Please —' I say, but he's already bearing down on Lisa, obliging me to run after him. 'How's it going?' he's saying to her as I catch up.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Hi Lisa.'"|HiLisa]] [["'Don't mind him, Lisa.'"|DontMindHimLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hey —' I say, but he's already bearing down on Lisa, obliging me to run after him. 'How's it going?' he's saying to her as I catch up.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Hi Lisa.'"|HiLisa]] [["'Don't mind him, Lisa.'"|DontMindHimLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Hi Lisa,' I say. It's important to let her know that I'm here, so that she has an outlet, a means of escape. 'Hi,' she says. 'Lisa, right?' says John's cousin. 'You're Laura's sister, right? I'm Ger, Ger Corrigan, I'm John's first cousin.' He holds out his hand, which she ignores.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'How are you, Lisa?'"|HowAreYouLisa]] [["'Don't touch her.'"|DontTouchHer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Don't mind him, Lisa,' I say. It's important to let her know that I'm here, she has an outlet — 'Yeah, don't mind me,' he says, sitting down opposite her. 'I'm just sitting around waiting for the wedding, like us all. You're Laura's sister, right? Ger Corrigan, I'm John's first cousin.' He holds out his hand, which she ignores.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'How are you, Lisa?'"|HowAreYouLisa]] [["'Don't touch her.'"|DontTouchHer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'How are you, Lisa?' I ask with genuine concern. 'Fine,' she says. 'A cousin and a sister, how about that, huh?' continues John's cousin. 'Both of us related to the married couple. We might have a few other things in common, you never know.' 'You'll never know,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa is right.'"|LisaIsRight]] [["'Most people here are related to the married couple.'"|MostPeopleHere]] [["'I think you should leave us alone.'"|LeaveUsAlone]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well said!' I say, but John's cousin just laughs. 'You're a cute one, aren't you?' he says to her. 'And a looker, too. John's such a liar, you know what he told me? Told me he was marrying the good-looking sister. Well, he got it all wrong.' Lisa looks away, bored.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, should we go outside?'"|LisaGoOutside]] [["'You can't say that.'"|YouCantSayThatLaura]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lisa, do you want to go outside?' I say, nodding towards the exit. 'No,' she says. 'No, you're probably waiting here for your boyfriend, aren't you?' says John's cousin. 'You've got a boyfriend, haven't you?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No she doesn't.'"|NoBoyfriend]] [["'Actually, Lisa was waiting here for me.'"|WaitingForMe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'NO!' I shout, louder than I intended. 'No she doesn't... have a boyfriend.' 'Apparently I don't,' she says. 'Now that I don't believe,' says John's cousin. 'A good-looking girl like you and no boys after you? If I was your age I'd be beating down your door.' 'But you're not,' says Lisa. 'You're not my age.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What Lisa means is that you should leave us alone.'"|WhatLisaMeans]] [["'Also, we shouldn't just assume that Lisa likes boys.'"|ShouldntAssumeBoys]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What Lisa means —' I begin. 'What I mean is pretty obvious,' says Lisa. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ She waves suddenly at someone behind me. [[" 'Hey, John!' she calls out."|JohnSheCalls]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "She waves suddenly at someone behind me. 'Hey, John!' she calls out.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Don't!' I say, slapping away his hand. Lisa laughs, and so does he. 'This your boyfriend, is it?' he says. 'No!' says Lisa, screwing up her face.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend.'"|LisaNotBoyfriend]] [["'No, but we are friends.'"|LisaFriends]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lisa is right,' I say. 'Actually, Lisa,' says John's cousin, 'we'll be in-laws after today, me and you! Only in-laws though, not blood relations. You know what that means? If anything happened between us, it'd still be legal, that's what it means!' 'No it wouldn't,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well said, Lisa.'"|WellSaidLisa]] [["'Okay, this has gone on long enough.'"|OnLongEnough]] [["'Not for several years.'"|NotForSeveralYears]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think you should leave us alone now,' I say. John's cousin looks at me, and then back at Lisa. 'This your boyfriend, is it?' he says. 'No!' says Lisa, screwing up her face.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend.'"|LisaNotBoyfriend]] [["'No, but we are friends.'"|LisaFriends]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Okay, this has gone on long enough,' I say. John's cousin looks at me, and then back at Lisa. 'This your boyfriend, is it?' he says. 'No!' says Lisa, screwing up her face.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend.'"|LisaNotBoyfriend]] [["'No, but we are friends.'"|LisaFriends]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You can't say that!' I say. 'Not about Laura — or Lisa. They're both — it's wrong to compare.' John's cousin looks at me, and then back at Lisa. 'This your boyfriend, is it?' he says. 'No!' says Lisa, screwing up her face.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend.'"|LisaNotBoyfriend]] [["'No, but we are friends.'"|LisaFriends]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Actually, Lisa was waiting here for me,' I say, trying to make eye contact so that she'll take the hint. But she doesn't look up. 'No I wasn't,' she says. 'Sounds like you're out of luck, my friend,' says John's cousin.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That's not what I meant.'"|NotMeantLisa]] [["'You're not my friend.'"|NotMyFriend]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend,' I say. 'Apparently I don't,' she says. 'Now that I find hard to believe,' says John's cousin. 'A good-looking girl like you and no boys after you? If I was your age I'd be beating down your door.' 'But you're not,' says Lisa. 'You're not my age.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What Lisa means is that you should leave us alone.'"|WhatLisaMeans]] [["'Also, we shouldn't just assume that Lisa likes boys.'"|ShouldntAssumeBoys]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No, but we are friends,' I say. 'I mean, I'm a friend of the family,' I say as Lisa shakes her head, 'and there is a genuine respect —' 'I get you, I get you,' says John's cousin, winking at Lisa. 'So where is your boyfriend then, Lisa? You have got a boyfriend, haven't you?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No she doesn't.'"|NoBoyfriend]] [["'Actually, Lisa was waiting here for me.'"|WaitingForMe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's not what I meant,' I say. 'Lisa —'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'John!' she calls out, waving at someone behind me."|JohnSheCalls]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'John!' she calls out, waving at someone behind me.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're not my friend —' I say. ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'John!' Lisa calls out, waving at someone behind me."|JohnSheCalls]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "'John!' Lisa calls out, waving at someone behind me.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I turn around and see John advancing towards us. The swagger is back. 'Hey, what's going on here?' he says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Everything's under control, John.'"|EverythingUnderControl]] [["'Still got gum on your shoes, John?'"|GumOffYourShoes]] [["'Just keeping an eye on your cousin.'"|AnEyeOnGer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Also, it's wrong just to assume that Lisa likes boys,' I say. 'She might prefer girls, she might not know yet. She's still a teenager, her sexuality is still developing, and it's her decision, not ours, to make!' John's cousin looks at me dumbfounded.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ Lisa is waving at someone behind me. [["'John!' she calls out."|JohnSheCallsSex]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " Lisa is waving at someone behind me. 'John!' she calls out." >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Uh, most people here are related to the married couple?' I say sarcastically. 'That's kind of what weddings are like?' 'Yeah,' says John's cousin, 'and you know what that means, Lisa? Me and you are going to be in-laws today. Only in-laws though, not blood relations. So if anything happened between us later, it'd still be legal — right?' 'No it wouldn't,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well said, Lisa.'"|WellSaidLisa]] [["'Okay, this has gone on long enough.'"|OnLongEnough]] [["'I don't think you appreciated my sarcasm, there.'"|AppreciateMySarcasm]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sounds like someone here doesn't understand sarcasm,' I say, trying to get Lisa's attention. 'Yeah, Lisa, we're just having a laugh here, lighten up,' says John's cousin. Lisa looks away, bored.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, should we go outside?'"|LisaGoOutside]] [["'No, my sarcasm was aimed at you.'"|NoMySarcasmYou]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No, Lisa understands sarcasm very well,' I tell him. 'It's you that doesn't.' John's cousin looks at me and then at Lisa. 'This your boyfriend, is it?' he says. 'No,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend.'"|LisaNotBoyfriend]] [["'No, but we are friends.'"|LisaFriends]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not for several years,' I say, decisively, and Lisa flashes me a venomous look. Doesn't she realise I'm trying to help her? That was a one-two finishing move — 'Aww, well, a man can live in hope,' says John's cousin. 'John's such a liar, you know what he told me? Told me he was marrying the good-looking sister. Well, now I can see how wrong he was.' Lisa rolls her eyes and looks away.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You can't say that.'"|YouCantSayThatLaura]] [["'Lisa, should we go outside?'"|LisaGoOutside]] [["'Lisa, I'm trying to help you here.'"|LisaImTrying]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lisa, I'm on your side here, I'm trying to protect you,' I tell her. John's cousin looks at me and then at Lisa. 'This your boyfriend, is it?' he says. 'No,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa doesn't have a boyfriend.'"|LisaNotBoyfriend]] [["'No, but we are friends.'"|LisaFriends]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I turn around and see John advancing towards us. The swagger is back. 'Hey, what's going on here?' he says.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Everything's under control, John.'"|ExplainingSex]] [["'Just keeping an eye on your cousin.'"|AnEyeOnGer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Everything's under control, John.' 'Aiden was explaining something about teenage sexuality,' says Lisa. 'Really, Aiden?' says John. 'Sounds like you need to cool off a bit. I recommend some ice, you can get it at the bar.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'The same bar you just limped off to with your mother?'"|TheSameBar]] [["'Still got gum on your shoes?'"|GumOffYourShoes]] [["'That wasn't very nice, Lisa.'"|DisappointedLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The same bar you just limped off to with your mother?' 'The same bar,' says Aiden. 'And the same bar I've just walked back from.' 'What, the bar's open?' says John's cousin. 'Not for you,' says John.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Last I saw John, he was limping off there with his mother.'"|LimpingOff]] [["'Sure there's no gum on your shoes?'"|GumOffYourShoes]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Sure there's no gum on your shoes, John?' 'None at all,' says John, brightly. 'Your remedy worked a treat, thank you. It came off in one go.' 'You stepped in chewing gum?' says Lisa. 'Yeah, a big gob of it,' says John. 'Better than stepping in shite!' says his cousin.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Last I saw John, he was limping off with his mother.'"|LimpingOff]] [["'John thought he could take it off with a stick.'"|JohnThoughtStick]] [["'John was nearly crying about his shoes.'"|JohnNearlyCrying]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'That's not very nice, Lisa,' I say. 'You're better than that, I'm disappointed.' 'Yeah, well I was disappointed when the sun didn't come out this morning,' says John. 'But now I'm enjoying my wedding day. Disappointment is a short-lived emotion, I find. Just give it a few hours.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That kind of behaviour is more hurtful coming from you, Lisa.'"|MoreHurtful]] [["'Please let Lisa speak.'"|LetHerSpeak]] [["'I'm talking to Lisa.'"|ImTalkingToLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Just here to keep an eye on your cousin, John.' 'Yeah, you know me,' says John's cousin. 'Can't be trusted around the ladies.' 'So you've met these two specimens, then,' John says to Lisa. 'Hard to believe, but Ger and I share a common ancestor. Aiden, I'm not so sure.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm not sure either.'"|ImNotSureEither]] [["'Still got gum on your shoes, John?'"|GumOffYourShoes]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Everything's under control, John.' 'We were just introducing ourselves to your lovely sister-in-law,' says John's cousin. 'So you've met these two specimens, then,' John says to Lisa. 'Hard to believe, but Ger and I share a common ancestor. Aiden, I'm not so sure.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm not sure either.'"|ImNotSureEither]] [["'Still got gum on your shoes, John?'"|GumOffYourShoes]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Last I saw John, he was limping off to the bar, hanging on to his mother,' I explain to Lisa, with a little mime for her benefit. 'Yeah, she's a great mother,' says John. 'Supported me all the way to the bar, just like she cradled me as an infant in her arms. She took every last bit of gum off my shoe, too, I'd be lost without her.' 'Aww, so sweet,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'John was nearly crying about his shoes.'"|JohnNearlyCrying]] [["'He's such a fake.'"|JohnSuchAFake]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John thought he could take it off with a stick,' I say to Lisa, shaking my head and rolling my eyes. 'You can get shit off with a stick,' says John's cousin. 'What can I say, Aiden? You were right,' says John. 'From now on you're my go-to guy for difficult stain removal.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm honoured.'"|ImHonouredStain]] [["'Let's hope you don't step in anything else today.'"|LetsHopeYouDontStep]] [["'John was nearly crying about his shoes.'"|JohnNearlyCrying]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John was nearly crying when he saw the gum on his shoes,' I say to Lisa. 'I'd be crying too, they're really nice shoes,' she says. 'Thanks, they are, aren't they?' says John, planting his foot on a chair to demonstrate. 'My new calfskin loafers. Hand-made to order, you know.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You missed a spot there.'"|YouMissedASpot]] [["'Wow.'"|WowShoes]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm honoured,' I say. 'If you spill anything on your dress,' says John to Lisa, 'get Aiden to take a look. Just make sure there's a responsible adult around when he's doing it.'">><<set$newtext2 to " John's cousin laughs — 'Yeah, I wouldn't trust him!' — and Lisa smirks, but I'm furious.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<timed 5s>>@@color:white;$newtext2@@ [["'That's it, John, you've gone too far.'"|GoneTooFarJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " " + $newtext2 >><</silently>><</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Let's hope you don't step into anything else today,' I say. 'Like shite!' says John's cousin. 'What are you now, Aiden, the Godfather?' says John. 'It 'can be arranged', can it?' 'The Godfather!' sniggers Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'm just saying you should be careful where you step.'"|CarefulWhereStep]] [["'That's not very nice, Lisa.'"|DisappointedLisa]] [["'John was nearly crying about his shoes.'"|JohnNearlyCrying]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's also a question of having loads of money.' 'That's the really nice thing,' says John, 'these were actually a wedding present from a good friend of mine. We got them measured up a few months ago.' 'Very generous friend,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Very rich friend.'"|RichFriend]] [["'Nice to be so well-connected.'"|AllAboutConnections]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Wow,' I say, but no one acknowledges my sarcasm. 'That's an ambition of mine,' says Lisa, 'to own a pair of custom-made shoes.' 'Odd size, are you?' says John's cousin, 'Let's see them.' 'No, Ger,' says John, 'it's a question of style, taste, elegance, comfort, alien concepts like that.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'It's also a question of having loads of money.'"|GuessThePrice]] [["'Lisa, you have better ambitions than that.'"|LisaBetterAmbitions]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lisa, please don't limit your horizons,' I say to her. 'You can aspire to more than shoes.' 'Yeah, I do, but I can also aspire to shoes.' 'It can happen,' says John. 'I too had dreams of bespoke footwear, but the price was always beyond me. And then a friend of mine got me these as a wedding present.' 'Very generous friend,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Very rich friend.'"|RichFriend]] [["'Nice to be so well-connected.'"|AllAboutConnections]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm just saying you should be careful where you step,' I say. 'I could see you in a kind of Joe Pesci role,' says John. ' 'Am I a clown? Do I amuse you?' ' 'Oh yeah, Goodfellas!' says his cousin.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Do you know what he's talking about, Lisa?'"|KnowWhatHesOnAbout]] [["'John was nearly crying about his shoes.'"|JohnNearlyCrying]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Do you know what he's talking about, Lisa?' I say. 'Yeah, I do,' she says. 'And I wouldn't dare call you a funny guy,' says John.">><<set $newtext2 to " John's cousin laughs — 'Yeah, 'You're a funny guy!' ' — and Lisa smirks, but I'm furious.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<timed 5s>>@@color:white;$newtext2@@ [["'No, you're not funny, John. You know nothing about comedy.'"|GoneTooFarJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " " + $newtext2 >><</silently>><</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You missed a spot there,' I say. 'You know, that's an ambition of mine,' says Lisa, 'to own a pair of custom-made shoes.' 'Odd size, are you?' says John's cousin, 'Let's see them.' 'No, Ger,' says John, 'it's a question of style, taste, elegance, comfort, alien concepts like that.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'It's also a question of having loads of money.'"|GuessThePrice]] [["'Lisa, you have better ambitions than that.'"|LisaBetterAmbitions]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Very rich friend,' I say. 'Rich I'm not sure, but Donal is talented, yes,' says John. 'He makes them himself, you know. Started his own business. We always called him 'Boots' in school, I suppose it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I hope he does well.' 'Good for him,' says Lisa.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'So it's all about connections.'"|AllAboutConnections]] [["'And now he's got some free advertising.'"|FreeAdvertising]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Nice to be so well-connected,' I say. 'That's very true,' says John. 'Yeah, Lisa, you should choose your friends wisely in this world. So stay away from these two.'">><<set $newtext2 to " John's cousin laughs — 'Yeah, stay away from me, I'm a bad influence!' — and Lisa smirks, but I'm furious.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<timed 5s>>@@color:white;$newtext2@@ [["'That was uncalled for, John.'"|GoneTooFarJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " " + $newtext2 >><</silently>><</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And now he's got some free advertising,' I say. 'Yeah, well, if it helps out a friend,' says John. 'You know, Lisa, it's important to have good friends in this world. So if I were you I'd stay away from these two.'">><<set $newtext2 to " John's cousin laughs — 'Yeah, stay away from me, I'm a bad influence!' — and Lisa smirks, but I'm furious.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<timed 5s>>@@color:white;$newtext2@@ [["'That was uncalled for, John.'"|GoneTooFarJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " " + $newtext2 >><</silently>><</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm not sure either,' I say, pointedly. 'Hey John, you're a liar! You lied to me!' says John's cousin. 'Oh?' says John.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, I think now we can go.'"|LisaNowGo]] [["'Lisa, can you see the family resemblance?'"|LisaNowGo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Lisa —' I begin, but no one is paying attention. 'You told me you were marrying the good-looking sister!' says John's cousin. 'No,' says John. 'No, Ger, I didn't say any such thing.' 'You did,' says his cousin, winking at Lisa. 'You said, I'll go for Laura first, and if she says no, I'll ask her sister.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, please.'"|JohnShutCousinUp]] [["'John, please take some responsibility for your cousin.'"|JohnShutCousinUp]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No,' says John. 'Never happened. Once again, a total confabulation on your part.' 'You did, you—' 'No, no, Ger, stop making stuff up, okay? If you have any more fantasies about my sister-in-law, please keep them to yourself, like Aiden does.'">><<set $newtext2 to " John's cousin laughs — 'You got me, John!' — and Lisa smirks, but I'm furious.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ <<scrolldown>> <<timed 8s>>@@color:white;$newtext2@@ [["'That's it, John, you've gone too far.'"|GoneTooFarJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " " + $newtext2 >><</silently>><</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He's such a fake,' I say. 'Yeah John, you're a liar!' says John's cousin. 'You lied to me!' 'Oh?' says John.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, I think now we can go.'"|LisaNowGo]] [["'Lisa, can you see the family resemblance?'"|LisaNowGo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I ignore him and keep addressing Lisa. 'When John says something like that to me, I don't care, I don't expect any more. But when you say that, Lisa, it hurts me, because —' 'Because he fancies you!' says John's cousin. 'And I don't blame him. John, you're such a liar. You lied to me!' 'Oh?' says John.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa is someone I hold to higher standards!'"|LisaNowGo]] [["'Lisa, can we talk?'"|LisaNowGo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Let Lisa speak, don't talk over her,' I say. 'But I wasn't talking,' says Lisa. 'Hey John, you're a liar!' says John's cousin. 'You lied to me!' 'Oh?' says John.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, I think now we can go.'"|LisaNowGo]] [["'Lisa, can we have a word?'"|LisaNowGo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Please, I'm trying to talk to Lisa,' I say. 'Yeah, John, stop hogging your sister-in-law!' says the cousin. 'Though I can see why you want to. You're a liar, John. You lied to me.' 'Oh?' says John.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Lisa, I think now we can go.'"|LisaNowGo]] [["'Lisa, can we have a word?'"|LisaNowGo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " — And then Lisa sees my face and ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["erupts with laughter."|EruptsWithLaughter]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "erupts with laughter.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " She cups her face in her hands, she bends over double, she's in ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["spasms of laughter."|SpasmsOfLaughter]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "spasms of laughter.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You all right there?' asks John's cousin. She gasps. She shakes her head and laughs some more. She conquers herself for a moment and looks at me through streaming eyes. 'I'm s—' she begins ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["and then bursts out laughing again."|BurstsAgain]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + "and then bursts out laughing again.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " She turns away and says 'I'm sorry,' through sobs of laughter. 'I have to go,' she says and laughs as she runs away. 'John, you drove the girl away,' complains the cousin. 'Story of your life!' ">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Probably for the best,' says John."|ProbablyTheBest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'Probably for the best,' says John.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And seriously, Ger, don't be a prick today, all right?' 'John, you know me, I'm just acting the bollocks. No harm done.' 'Yeah, well, try to keep it under wraps, yeah?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Scout's honour,' says the cousin, with a little salute."|ScoutsHonour]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Scout's honour,' says the cousin, with a little salute.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Should we check up on the rest of Clan Corrigan?' says John. 'Yeah, let's go,' says his cousin. 'Right, we're heading off,' John says to me. 'Everything okay with you, Aiden?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahWhyBother]] [["'No.'"|YeahWhyBother]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah,' I say. Why bother? 'That's what I like to hear. You're the best man, Aiden,' he says, giving me a gentle punch on the shoulder. 'You're the best of us, and we all know it. See you at the altar, right? Not long now.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'See you there.'"|SeeYouAtTheAltar]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'See you there,' I say. 'Ciao,' says John, as he walks away, his arm extended in a wave.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You're best man now? Did I hear that right?'"|YoureBestManNick]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext + " 'You're best man now? Did I hear that right?'" >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " someone behind me says. It's Nick in a suit.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Have you been eavesdropping?'"|NickEavesdropping]] [["'Yeah, I'm best man. You heard right.'"|YouHeardRight]] [["'Finished your breakfast then?'"|FinishedBreakfast]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Have you been listening in?' I say. 'Don't worry,' says Nick, 'I just got here a minute ago, and saw a friendly face. Just thought I'd wait till John fucked off before making my approach.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You heard right. I'm best man.'"|YouHeardRight]] [["'I can't stay long either.'"|CantStayLongEither]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You heard right,' I say. 'I'm the best man now.' 'Wow, what happened to the other guy? Is he dead?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not exactly.'"|NotExactlyDead]] [["'He had an accident.'"|HeHadAnAccident]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'John had to leave. I can't stay long either,' I say. 'Oh I won't keep you. I suppose new the best man has lots of duties to attend to. So what happened to the other fellow? Too hungover?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Not exactly.'"|NotExactlyDead]] [["'He had an accident.'"|HeHadAnAccident]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not exactly,' I say. 'Pity,' says Nick. 'And John picked you as replacement? Didn't know you were that close.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Laura picked me.'"|LauraPickedMe]] [["'We're not.'"|WereNotCloseJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He had an accident,' I say. 'Pity,' says Nick. 'And John picked you as replacement? Didn't know you were that close.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Laura picked me.'"|LauraPickedMe]] [["'We're not.'"|WereNotCloseJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Laura picked me,' I say. 'Laura picked you? As John's best man?' Nick laughs. 'Well, start the marriage how you mean to continue, I suppose. Oh, that's so typical.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'How do you mean?'"|HowMeanLauraPicked]] [["'I'm not only John's best man.'"|NotJohnsBest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'We're not close,' I say. 'Very odd,' says Nick. 'Sounds like you've been given a poisoned chalice. Well, rather you than me.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'A poisoned chalice?'"|PoisonedChalice]] [["'I'm doing this for Laura.'"|NotJohnsBest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'How do you mean?' 'Well, it's a power move, isn't it. \"Your best man wasn't up to snuff, so now you get mine.\"'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'What's typical about that?'"|WhyTypical]] [["'I'm doing this for Laura.'"|NotJohnsBest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm really doing this for Laura, not John,' I say. 'Yeah, I can understand that,' says Nick. 'That's decent of you. Hope she appreciates it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksProud]] [["'She does.'"|FullyIntendTo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'A poisoned chalice?' 'Yeah, like they discovered a plan to assassinate the best man and pulled a last-minute switcheroo,' says Nick. 'I'm only joking,' he says quickly afterwards, 'I'm quite sure nothing interesting is going to happen. Still five hours to kill and my imagination is working overtime.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I see.'"|HoursToKill]] [["'I'm doing this for Laura.'"|NotJohnsBest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I see.' 'Yeah, and in the meantime, we're all standing around here waiting for the main event,' says Nick. 'By which I mean, the free dinner, of course. It better be worth it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahFreeDinner]] [["'It's free.'"|FreeDinner]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And why do you say that's 'typical'?' 'Well, it's — oh I don't know,' says Nick. 'Don't mind my ramblings. All this time we have to kill, it's making my imagination wander.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I see.'"|HoursToKill]] [["'I'm doing this for Laura.'"|NotJohnsBest]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Thanks.' 'Yeah, and in the meantime, the rest of us are standing around here waiting for the main event,' says Nick. 'By which I mean, the free dinner, of course. It better be worth it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahFreeDinner]] [["'It's free.'"|FreeDinner]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'She does.' 'Right, yeah,' says Nick. 'Yeah, in the meantime, the rest of us are standing around here waiting for the main event. By which I mean, the free dinner, of course. It better be worth it.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahFreeDinner]] [["'It's free.'"|FreeDinner]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah.' I know Lisa feels bad about what she just did. 'And I don't want to sound ungrateful, but how free is it, really?' says Nick. 'Look at what I've spent this weekend already: the train, a taxi, two nights in a hotel, and I paid my way last night, too. This is going to be the most expensive meal of my life.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Right.'"|RightExpensiveMeal]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's free,' I say. I know Lisa feels bad about what she just did. 'Yeah, but how free is it, really?' says Nick. 'I don't want to sound ungrateful, but look at what I've spent this weekend already: the train, a taxi, two nights in a hotel, and I paid my way last night, too. This will be the most expensive meal of my life.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Right.'"|RightExpensiveMeal]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Right.' She feels bad, she tried to say sorry, I could see that. 'And I won't be the only one leaving here with a hole in my pocket,' says Nick. 'I tell you, weddings are the most blatant money-grab you can make in polite society. You saw that begging notice on the invitation, right? The bank number and the 'donations gratefully recieved'? Yeah, well you can stick it up your arse, I'm already donating the whole weekend.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah.'"|YeahDonatingWeekend]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah.' I hope she's okay. I'll tell her it's okay, I'm not upset with her, it wasn't her fault. We'll have a reconciliation, it'll be nice. 'And I couldn't believe the stuff on that wedding list,' says Nick. 'Yeah, I'd like a fitted kitchen and all. But if I sent people a 'buy Nick free stuff' list, they'd tell me to fuck off, and rightly so. Call it a 'wedding list', though, and it's socially acceptable.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'True.'"|TrueSociallyAcceptable]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Indeed.' It's a reason to approach her later, she feels bad, she wants reconciliation, we both do. I'll go to her and tell her it's all okay. It's all okay, Lisa, it's all okay. 'It's a naked money-grabbing enterprise,' says Nick. 'Of course, marriage was originally a financial arrangement, and that's as true as it ever was. All the rom-coms in the world are never going to change that. Hey, I wonder if Laura is bringing a dowry?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I have to go.'"|HaveToGoDowry]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I have to go,' I say. I have to get away from Nick. Nick is not a Good Person. 'Oh right, yeah, you've got to do best man stuff? Prepare your speech and that?' 'Yeah,' I say. 'Well, good luck with it anyway. I'll be rooting for you on the altar.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Bye Nick.'"|ByeNick]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Bye Nick,' I say. I have to get away from here. Clear my mind. Find somewhere quiet. It's not long now until we'll be at the altar, Laura and I.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["It's time to think about what's coming."|AidenLauraStoryPart3]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

[img[The Story of Aiden and Laura, Part 3|aidenlaurastory3.png][DruryLaneBookshop]]<<scrollright>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "I'm browsing in that little bookshop in Drury Lane">><</silently>>@@color:white;$bodytext@@ [[ [Is there actually a bookshop in Drury Lane? Doesn't matter -- it sounds good.]|DrurySoundsGood]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " when I hear a voice I never expected to hear again, a voice from my dreams: ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[ [No, we need more establishing detail first. We need to feel the cosiness of the location.]|EstablishingDetail]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext2 to " — the old shopkeeper sleeping at the counter, the walnut shelves crammed with faded Penguins —">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext2@@@@color:gray;$newtext@@ [[ [Not good enough, need three details at least, otherwise it looks like I'm not putting the effort in. Add a smell. Smells are evocative.]|ThreeDetails]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $newtext2 to " — the old shopkeeper sleeping at the counter, the walnut shelves crammed with faded Penguins, ">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext3 to " the smell of aged paper —">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:gray;$newtext2@@@@color:white;$newtext3@@@@color:gray;$newtext@@ [[ [No, these are all cliches, I don't believe in the place! The details should be unusual, interesting, memorable.]|UnusualInterestingMemorable]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><</silently>>

<<silently>><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:gray;— the old shopkeeper@@@@color:white; playing patience with a tarot deck;@@@@color:gray; the walnut shelves crammed with faded @@@@color:white;Pelicans;@@@@color:gray; the smell of@@@@color:white; horse-glue, strangely enticing, from the Paisley carpet —@@@@color:gray;$newtext@@ [[ [That'll do for now, let's move on.]|LetsMoveOn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "— the old shopkeeper playing patience with a tarot deck; the walnut shelves crammed with faded Pelicans; the smell of horse-glue, strangely enticing, from the Paisley carpet —" + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Aiden!' 'Laura!' I turn around. ">><<set $newtext2 to "Five">><<set $newtext3 to " years have passed since the day of the wedding; Laura, now ">><<set $newtext4 to "twenty-eight years old, her face touched by the slightest wrinkle of sadness,">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext2 $newtext3 $newtext4@@ [[ [Hmm, let's bring it forward a bit.]|BringItForward]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext2 to "Two">><<set $newtext3 to " years have passed since the day of the wedding; Laura, now ">><<set $newtext4 to "twenty-five years old, her face graced by an imperceptible mark of sadness, which somehow makes her more beautiful still, stands before me; her eyes so deep I dare not meet them, lest ">><<set $newtext5 to "I fall forever — 'It's... been a while,' she says. 'Two years,' I say, 'to the day.'">><<set $newtext6 to " 'I was so mad at you, you know,' she says">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext2@@@@color:gray;$newtext3@@@@color:white;$newtext4 [lest?] $newtext5 $newtext6@@ [[ [No, no, too soon, we need to build towards the climax.]|BuildTowardsClimax]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext2 + $newtext3 + $newtext4 + $newtext5>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I remember, this used to be your favourite place in Dublin,' she says, glancing at the shelves, sliding her fingers slowly down the smooth wood surface as if reaching for the past.">><<set $newtext3 to " 'Still is,' I say. 'I often come here, just to read, to think, to —.' I want to say 'to remember the times we spent together', but ">><<set $newtext2 to "hold back, for fear of ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext3 $newtext2@@ [[ [For fear of what? Another premature climax?]|AnotherPremature]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><<set $btext2 to $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " a sudden instinct holds me back — it seems in a moment I have become hyper-aware of my being, my presence, my breath, the gossamer-thin barrier woven between us, a weave I fear the slightest misplaced whisper could puncture forever — 'I liked it here too,' Laura says. 'I just wish,' she says, 'maybe... if I'd had more time... just for myself —' ">><<set $newtext2 to "'I'm sorry,' I say, 'I heard about you and John ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext $btext2@@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext2@@ [[ [Now where would I have heard that? From Ash and the girls, maybe? Actually the details of how are unimportant, let's skip it.]|MoveItAlong]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $btext2 to $btext2 + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "I pause — I still can't look at her eyes, and can barely bring myself to say 'You probably won't believe me, but I really wanted things to work out between you and John.' ">><<set $newtext2 to "'I was so mad at you, you know,' says Laura with an urgency that compels me to stare into her eyes, and in her eyes I see the fire, 'I was so angry with you, I could have hit you,' she says, and I see the cleansing fire and I know I am healed, I know I am healed, forever and absolutely, 'and I would have hit you,' she says, 'but even then I knew, I knew, you were right.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext $btext2@@@@color:white;$newtext [Now it comes!] $newtext2@@ [[ [This isn't working.]|IsntWorking]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $btext2 to $btext2 + $newtext + $newtext2>><</silently>>

@@color:gray;$bodytext $btext2@@ [[ [Look at this, this is just rubbish, that dialogue is way too on-the-nose, too Hollywood. Need to remember the basics, show, don't tell, subtext, always subtext. Let's roll it back.]|RollItBack]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Still is,' I say. 'Sometimes I just like to sit by the window and stare, at people on the street. Life going by, while I sit behind the glass.'">><<set $newtext2 to " 'Maybe they're walking in circles,' she says. 'Maybe they're lost. Maybe they're looking back at you — ever think that?' 'Sounds like you're an experienced people-watcher.' 'I like to watch,' she says">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext2 @@ [[ [Ugh, that's not subtext, that's innuendo! What am I thinking?]|ThinkingInnuendo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe they're walking in circles,' she says. 'Maybe they're lost — ever think that?' I shrug my shoulders and turn to the window. 'And what about you?' I ask. 'Do you feel lost, too?' 'You know,' says Laura, 'my grandmother once saved up every spare penny she had in an old enamel pot">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [Yes, I love it when a character answers a direct question with a parable! Adds a touch of prestige, of almost biblical gravitas. Yes, this is good!]|ThisIsGravitas]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to ". I can see it now, on her mantelpiece, next to the carriage cuckoo-clock and under the Sacred Heart.">><<set $newtext2 to " Every day for three years, she put fifty pence in that pot, and every day my grandfather said \"why are you throwing good money in there? That's money we can use.\" And my grandmother said ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext [Excellent detail!] $newtext2@@ [[ [Actually, what is the point of this anecdote? It could be a Carpe Diem kind of thing, I suppose. Yes, Laura has been bottling up her emotions too long, biding her time, when she should 'seize the day' instead -- yes, that's it!]|CarpeDiem]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + $newtext2>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "\"You wait and see.\" ' Laura looks at the floor and lowers her voice. 'He never did get to see.' 'I'm sorry, Laura,' I say, taking a step towards her. ">><<set $newtext2 to "'So, how much was in ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext2@@ [[ [No, wrong tone. This is a serious moment.]|SeriousMoment]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I guess... I guess sometimes you've got to empty the pot while you still can.' 'I love you,' she says. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [It's okay to break the surface, sometimes. Especially when you have two characters with such a history, with such depth of emotion welling up, you can't keep stalling things. The best writers do this too....]|CantKeepStalling]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ [[ [But would they do it this way? Look at this stuff. It's all too turgid, too overwrought. This is supposed to be a happy time, these are fun people! This is not a confession, it's a celebration! We need a lighter touch, something less prosaic. Less prosaic.... ]|ATimeOfJoy]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "INT. BOOKSHOP IN DRURY LANE, DAY A pleasant, if old-fashioned and quirky, little bookshop in a Dublin side street.">><<set $newtext2 to "Dark hardwood bookshelves are piled ceiling-high with threadbare books; ">><<set $newtext to "an elderly SHOPKEEPER plays solitaire with a pack of Tarot cards; the only sounds">><</silently>>@@color:white;$bodytext $newtext2 $newtext@@ [[ [Actually, the shopkeeper is a non-speaking role, let's forget the shopkeeper, his presence only confuses people.]|ForgetTheShopkeeper]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "the only sounds are the muffled footsteps of passers-by outside. AIDEN stands framed by two of the bookshelves, absorbed in a book he's reading; behind him, through the shop window, we see LAURA, pausing to">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext $newtext2@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[ [No, that shot doesn't work, I'm standing in the light. Let's see it from the other angle.]|StandingInTheLight]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext2 to "EXT. BOOKSHOP IN DRURY LANE, DAY 'Athena Books': a pleasant, if old-fashioned and quirky, little bookshop in a Dublin side street. An ornate wooden shopfront, with peeling turquoise paint and a single large window. A sign on the door that says 'Open'. LAURA walks by and hesitates at the window — has she">><</silently>>@@color:white;$bodytext2@@ [[ [No, still too ponderous. Let's get these people together, let's get back inside. Establishing shots we can worry about later.]|GetBackInside]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "the only sounds are the ">><</silently>>@@color:white;$bodytext $newtext2@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[ [Actually, let's skip the set-dressing, get to the action.]|ToTheAction]] <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "AIDEN paces behind a tall bookshelf, absorbed in his reading.">><<set $newtext3 to "LAURA, on the other side of the bookshelf, has just entered the shop. They haven't noticed each other, but their paths are about to collide — too late! They literally bump into each other, sending Aiden's book falling to the ground!AIDENI'm sorry —LAURAYour book! Let me —They bend down simultaneously to pick up the fallen book, and ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext @@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext3@@ [[ [No, no, I don't want some 80s slapstick meet-cute. Rewind.]|WeDeserveBetter]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " ANGLE: Through a gap in the bookshelves, we see LAURA, elementally beautiful, running her fingers through her hair — CLOSE ON: AIDEN, instinctively sensing something, looks up from his book. There's a flicker of recognition in his eyes, a moment's panic, but then — ANGLE: LAURA, though the gap in the bookshelves, looks ">><<set $newtext2 to "directly into the camera, her eyes almost too beautiful to face. She has ">><<set $newtext3 to "recognised Aiden! And it's as if a force compels her to speak —LAURAAiden!AIDENLaura! I... didn't think I'd ever see you here.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext @@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext2@@ [[ [No, she doesn't look directly into the camera, that's a hack move.]|HackMove]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "LAURAYou didn't think you'd ever see me... in a bookshop?">><<set $newtext2 to "AIDENYes! I mean, no, it's... I mean, of course you visit bookshops. Of course you read books, because you... are literate.">><<set $newtext3 to "LAURAYes, I made it to the end of the alphabet this year. And... you too?AIDENYes! I can read... all sorts of things. Like words, the words... in books.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext @@@@color:white;$newtext $newtext2@@[[ [ Wait, are we still on different sides of the bookshelf? That needs to be corrected.]|DifferentSides]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "Aiden replaces his book on the shelf and walks around to meet her.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext @@@@color:white;$newtext @@@@color:gray; $newtext2@@@@color:white; $newtext3@@ [[ [Okay....]|BringThemTogether]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $btext2 to $newtext + $newtext2 + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "He picks a random book from the shelf.AIDENBooks... such as this one. Look, I've got to go, because I've got to buy this book with... money.LAURAYou're buying a copy of 'The Handbook for Single Mothers'?">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext $btext2 @@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [Maybe, let's see....]|SingleMothers]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $btext2 to $btext2 + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "AIDEN (with a double-take at the book)It's, ah... not for me. I'm not in the ah, target group. Are you? Oh, no, I shouldn't ask that —LAURAWell, no you shouldn't, but as it happens, I'm halfway there.AIDENYou don't mean — you're not, um ...?LAURAI'm not.CLOSE ON: LAURA holds up her hand — and she's not wearing a wedding ring! CLOSE ON: AIDEN reacts">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext $btext2 @@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [Oh, this is also rubbish. Too Hugh Grant. I don't want to be played by Hugh Grant. I'd rather be played by -- ah, that gives me an idea....]|SethGreenIdea]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $btext2 to $btext2 + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "AIDENIs this a bookshop?LAURAWell, I see books... and it's a shop. Looks kinda bookshoppy to me.AIDENYou're right, I just... temporarily forgot where I was, for some reason.LAURAHappens to me all the time. So... whaddaya been up to this last couple of years?">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [That's better....]|BetterWhedon]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "AIDENOh, you know. There's been some general chilling out, and then occasionally some more specific chilling out, but generally just... chilling out. Generally and specifically. You?LAURAOh, same, same. Yeah... I mean, there was that one thing that happened, where, you know, my whole marriage kinda... completely and irrevocably fell apart, like you tried to warn me about, but other than that... yeah.Aiden flashes her a look of deep sympathy, and then turns away, towards the bookshelf, unsure of what to say... ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [And then?]|AndThenIdea]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "when an idea strikes him.AIDEN (pointing at the shelf) Hey, um... did you ever notice how the Penguin always looks to the left, but the Pelican looks to the right? So, if you put the Penguin first on the bookshelf, the Pelican is all 'Hey, why are you looking the other way? You don't like my face?' and the Penguin is like 'No, Mr. Pelican, you're the one avoiding me, you're the one with the penguin problem'. But then, if you swap them around —LAURA — they look into each other's eyes — AIDEN — your eyes are so beautiful.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [Yes! Yes!]|SethGreenOrgasm]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "CLOSE ON: LAURA'S beautiful eyes. We see it, she knows it, they both know it —AIDEN Hey, you wanna go for coffee?LAURAYeah, but I still want to know where we put the Puffins.AIDEN Nyeaah, we don't need Puffins. This is a grown-up bookshelf.The dialogue begins to fade as they walk away together.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@ [[ [Slowly now....]|SlowFadeAway]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "LAURA And the Peregrines?AIDENPeregrines? You're just making stuff up now.LAURA...I've definitely seen Peregrines.AIDENAdmit it, you're just naming random birds that begin with P.LAURAParrots.AIDENParrots, huh?She slips her arm around his waist as they walk out of the shop, into the daylight.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext @@[[ [Perfect, perfect. And the music swells...]|Buxtehude]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "The soundtrack to my climb up the balcony steps is a hesitant performance of the Buxtehude prelude BuxWV 152 — Milly's exam piece. I can already hear her wincing at every mistake, even before I open the balcony door and get ">><</silently>>$bodytext [[visual confirmation:|VisualConfirmation]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "visual confirmation:">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You finished your breakfast, then?' I say. 'Yeah, I cleared the place out,' says Nick. 'Took me a while. I just got here a minute ago, and saw a friendly face, and thought I'd come over. And I'm not talking about John's friendly face. What was up with him?'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You heard right. I'm best man.'"|YouHeardRight]] [["'He had to go. I can't stay long either.'"|CantStayLongEither]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Milly performing at the organ bench, Joe at her side. They take turns to acknowledge my entry, Joe with a patient glance, and Milly with an apologetic cringe, which promptly takes musical form in ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [[her attempt at the cadence in bar 24.|CadenceBar24]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "her attempt at the cadence in bar 24.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I nod encouragement, but she has lost momentum — lost her place on the page. The music breaks down; her shoulders sag. 'I'm sorry, Miss,' she says. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [['It's definitely coming along.'|DefinitelyComingAlong]] [['Don't worry, Milly.'|DontWorry]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's definitely coming along,' I say. 'Just remember, left hand fingering.' 'That's what I told her,' says Joe. 'I know Miss, I'm sorry, I'm really trying,' says Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I know, Milly.'"|IKnowMilly]] [["'Still plenty of time, Milly.'"|StillTimeToFail]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Don't worry, Milly,' I say. 'We'll look at it together later, in the lesson.' 'You'll be more relaxed then,' says Joe. 'I don't know why I'm so nervous,' says Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Try not to be hard on yourself.'"|DontBeHardOnYourself]] [["'You've still got plenty of time.'"|StillTimeToFail]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "almost ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext @@@@color:white;$newtext@@@@color:gray;$newtext2@@@@color:white; $newtext3@@ [[ [Yes, that's it, the emotion is all there. Now we need to tread carefully.]|EmotionsSpeak]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + $newtext2 + $newtext3>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I know, Milly,' I say, and I don't doubt her sincerity. She sincerely believes she's really trying. 'Morning, Susan,' says Joe, as they make way for me on the bench.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Morning Joe.'"|MorningJoe]] [["'How are you this morning, Joe?'"|HowAreYouJoe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'There's still plenty of time,' I say. Eight weeks, and we've barely looked at the Franck. 'Morning, Susan,' says Joe, as they make way for me on the bench.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Morning Joe.'"|MorningJoe]] [["'How are you this morning, Joe?'"|HowAreYouJoe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No need to be hard on yourself, Milly,' I say. It's a platitude. 'Morning, Susan,' says Joe, as they make way for me on the bench.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Morning Joe.'"|MorningJoe]] [["'How are you this morning, Joe?'"|HowAreYouJoe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Morning, Joe.' He settles into his chair, and covers his knees with his blanket. 'Cold one today, isn't it,' he says.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'It's already the middle of October, Joe.'"|MiddleOfOctoberJoe]] [["'You're wrapping up well, Joe.'"|BeenWarmer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'How are you this morning, Joe?' 'Oh, getting along, getting along.' He settles into his chair, and covers his knees with his blanket. 'Cold one today, isn't it,' he says.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'It's already the middle of October, Joe.'"|MiddleOfOctoberJoe]] [["'You're wrapping up well, Joe.'"|BeenWarmer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's already the middle of October, Joe.' 'Don't I know it,' he says, tucking in his blanket. 'I can feel it in my joints. And these weddings can be awful long. There's tea if anyone wants it.' He holds up a thermos flask.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That your 'special tea', Joe?'"|SpecialTea]] [["'Not for me, thanks.'"|NotForMeTea]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're wrapping up well, there.' 'Wrapping up for the long haul,' he says, tucking in his blanket. 'These weddings can go on a bit. There's tea if anyone wants it.' He holds up a thermos flask.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'That your 'special tea', Joe?'"|SpecialTea]] [["'Not for me, thanks.'"|NotForMeTea]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The usual stuff, is it?' 'With one significant exception,' says Joe. 'You'll never guess the wedding march,' says Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Is it Mendelssohn's?'"|Mendelssohns]] [["'Is it Wagner's?'"|Wagners]] [["'You're right, I'll never guess.'"|IllNeverGuess]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I prefer to keep it a surprise.' 'Well, you'll be surprised all right,' says Joe. 'You'll never guess the wedding march,' says Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Is it Mendelssohn's?'"|Mendelssohns]] [["'Is it Wagner's?'"|Wagners]] [["'You're right, I'll never guess.'"|IllNeverGuess]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Let me see, is it... Mendelssohn's?' I say. 'No,' says Milly. 'How about... Wagner's?' 'No, it's 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' by Deep Blue Something,' laughs Milly. 'A 'private joke' between bride and groom, we're told,' says Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Of course it is.'"|OfCoursePrivateJoke]] [["'Deep Blue who?'"|DeepBlueSomething]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Let me see, is it... Wagner's?' I ask, playing along. 'No,' says Milly. 'How about... Mendelssohn's?' 'No, it's 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' by Deep Blue Something,' laughs Milly. 'A 'private joke' between bride and groom, we're told,' says Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Of course it is.'"|OfCoursePrivateJoke]] [["'Deep Blue who?'"|DeepBlueSomething]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Of course it is,' I say. Everything is a private joke. Marriage is a private joke. The compositions — the pieces that get commissioned, premiered on the radio — all private jokes, between friends, winking at each other, winking at the audience — 'Never would have happened in my day,' says Joe. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'In your day they'd have been run out of the country.'"|RunOutOfTheCountry2]] [["'And Father Collins approved this?'"|IdRefuseItToo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Deep Blue who?' 'Deep Blue Something,' says Milly. 'They're a band, an alt-rock band, I think. You wouldn't have heard of them.' 'Never would have happened in my day,' says Joe. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'In your day they'd have been run out of the country.'"|RunOutOfTheCountry]] [["'Alt-rock?'"|AltRock]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'In your day they'd have been run out of the country, bride and groom and all.' 'Excommunicated,' says Joe. 'They're actually a Christian alt-rock band,' says Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Alt-rock?'"|AltRock]] [["'I'd still refuse them on grounds of taste.'"|RefuseOnGroundOfTaste]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And our P.P. approved this?' I ask. 'He did,' sighs Joe. 'Deep Blue Something are actually a Christian band,' says Milly. 'A Christian alt-rock band.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And that's what swayed him?'"|SwayedHim]] [["'I'd still refuse them on grounds of taste.'"|RefuseOnGroundOfTaste]] [["'What's 'alt-rock'?'"|AltRock]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And how do you know all this, Joe?' 'Oh, I like to stay in touch with youth culture, myself,' says Joe. 'I know all the latest pop hits. I even own the new Natalie Imbruglia album, and I like it, too.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well you're full of surprises, Joe.'"|FullOfSurprises]] [["'You're like the oldest swinger in town, Joe.'"|OlderSwinger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And I suppose that's what swayed him?' 'Wouldn't surprise me,' says Joe. 'Or actually no, I'm thinking of Sixpence None the Richer,' says Milly. 'They're the Christian band. I always get 'Love me' and 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' confused, for some reason.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well I'm glad someone here has a handle on youth culture.'"|YouthCulture]] [["'Have they run out of good band names?'"|OutOfBandNames]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'd just refuse them on grounds of taste,' I say. 'Or actually no, I'm thinking of Sixpence None the Richer,' says Milly. 'They're the Christian band. I always get 'Love me' and 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' confused, for some reason.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well I'm glad someone here has a handle on youth culture.'"|YouthCulture]] [["'Have they run out of good band names?'"|OutOfBandNames]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well I'm glad someone here has a handle on youth culture,' I say. 'That Sixpence None the Richer song is actually called 'Kiss Me',' says Joe. 'You're probably thinking of the song 'Lovefool'.' 'Who's that by, again?' asks Milly. 'Is it Joan Osborne?' 'It's by The Cardigans.' 'Ah, you're right, The Cardigans!'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] [["'And what did Joan Osborne do?'"|JoanOsborne]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So I'm the only one here who's never heard of this stuff? I thought you'd be on my team, Joe.' 'Oh, I like to stay in touch with youth culture, myself,' says Joe. 'I know all the latest pop hits. I even own the new Natalie Imbruglia album, and I like it, too.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well you're full of surprises, Joe.'"|FullOfSurprises]] [["'You're like the oldest swinger in town, Joe.'"|OlderSwinger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So what did Joan Osborne do, then?' Milly sings quietly: 'What if God was one of us....'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You've got a good singing voice, Milly.'"|GoodSingingVoice]] [["'Now that sounds like Christian rock.'"|ChristianRock]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well you're full of surprises, Joe.' 'I can tape it for you if you like,' he says. 'It has moments that are almost classical.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll pass, thanks.'"|IllPassThanks]] [["'I'm sure it has.'"|SureItDoes]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'll pass, thanks,' I say. Milly is showing me a printed score. 'The music they gave us for 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' is really for piano,' she says. 'And I think these are guitar chords. Do you want to give it a play through?'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll pass on that, too.'"|PassOnThatToo]] [["'I think I'll manage.'"|IllManage]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'll pass on that, too,' I say. 'Best let it be spontaneous. Keeps me on my toes.' And besides, it's bad enough that we have to hear it once.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Oh, she's a great sight-reader, our Sue,' says Joe."|GreatSightReader]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Oh, she's a great sight-reader, our Sue,' says Joe.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I know Joe means it as a compliment. He's like a doting uncle, he means it as a compliment. He's like all the doting uncles and aunts and teachers and comforting authority figures of my childhood, Joe, he comes from a good place. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Dunbawn is a good place."|LoveThatDunbawn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Dunbawn is a good place.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I shudder at the words. I swivel on the bench, to face the console, to hide my face. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I hope they haven't noticed."|HopeTheyHavent]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I hope they haven't noticed.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Say, did you ever do any more work on that cantata, Sue?' asks Joe. 'The first part was a great success.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'The critics were hardly out in force that night, Joe.'"|CriticsInForce]] [["'No, I didn't.'"|NoCantata]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The critics were hardly out in force that night, Joe.' 'Parents of primary-schoolers can be some of the harshest critics of all,' says Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I don't think the material is really suited to a children's choir.'"|ChildrensChoir]] [["'And that photographer from the local paper, too.'"|LocalPhotographer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't think the material is really suited to a children's choir,' I say. 'Settings of John Donne. Some pretty dark stuff there.' I'm not sure it's suited to me anymore, either. 'Which is exactly why we should get the church choir to do it,' says Joe. 'There's a lot of good voices in this town, and they're crying out for something new. We'd hold the concert here, we'd pack the place out.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No one cares about cantatas anymore, Joe.'"|NoOneCaresCantatas]] [["'You'd have to persuade Father Collins first.'"|CollinsFirst]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, well you'd have to persuade Father Collins first,' I say. 'We'll do it as a benefit, he's persuaded already,' says Joe. 'I tell you, we'll get a bigger crowd in here than the last five Christmases put together.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No one cares about cantatas anymore, Joe.'"|NoOneCaresCantatas]] [["'He could object to the text.'"|ObjectToTheMaterial]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No one cares about cantatas anymore, Joe.' 'Are you having me on?' says Joe. 'A world premiere of a new opus from our resident composer? They'd come from all over the county to hear that, from Cork, from everywhere. I'd spread the word.' 'So would I,' says Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'You're sweet to say that.'"|SweetToSayThat]] [["'Well good luck with that.'"|GoodLuckCantata]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'It's not one of my hidden talents,' I say, with an exaggerated cringe that makes Deirdre giggle. I've missed this. Good natured banter in superior female company. This is where I want to be. This is where I need to be. 'All right,' says Orla. 'We were in the kitchen all day Thursday,' says Aisling. 'Extreme baking. I was nearly caked out by the end.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Right.'"|RightBaking]] [["'I'd be totally lost in a kitchen.'"|LostInAKitchen]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'd be totally lost in a kitchen,' I say, rolling my eyes and shaking my head. 'Good job you weren't there then,' says Aisling.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Good decision not to invite me.'"|GoodNotToInvite]] [["'I suppose you don't think of me as an expert chef.'"|ThinkOfMeAsExpert]] [["'Hey, did I mention I'm now the best man?'"|ImTheBestMan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Good decision not to invite me,' I say, giving her the thumbs-up. 'It wasn't a decision,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Still, it was a good one.'"|StillItWasAGoodOne]] [["'I suppose you don't think of me as an expert chef.'"|ThinkOfMeAsExpert]] [["'How do you mean?'"|HowDoYouMeanDecision]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Yeah, I suppose you don't think of me as an expert chef,' I say. 'Can't say I do,' says Aisling. 'It's more that we don't really think of you,' says Orla.">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Oh.'"|OhYouDontThinkMe]] [["'I think about you a lot.'"|IThinkAboutOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Still, it was a good one,' I say. Orla's just being playful. 'Speaking of good decisions,' says Aisling, 'we heard you were appointed best man. Congratulations.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'How do you mean?' 'It's not like we were sitting around a conference table, weighing up the pros and cons,' says Orla. ' 'Should we or shouldn't we invite Aiden?' It doesn't work like that. We just don't think about you all the time.'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Oh.'"|OhYouDontThinkMe]] [["'I think about you a lot.'"|IThinkAboutOrla]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh.' 'That's not true, we were thinking about you this very morning!' says Aisling. 'New best man, huh? Congratulations!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks.'"|ThanksNoSwagger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think about you a lot,' I say, putting on a sad face. Orla groans. 'We were thinking about you this morning,' says Aisling, 'when we heard you made best man. Congratulations!'">><</silently>> @@color:gray;$bodytext@@ @@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Yeah, there was an incident with Colm.'"|IncidentWithColm]] [["'Thanks. Can't say it wasn't deserved.'"|ThanksPromotion]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " " + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He could object to the text.' 'It's Donne's Holy Sonnets, what could that — what could Father Collins object to,' says Joe, with an eye on Milly. 'No one is scandalised by that stuff anymore, it's like the jokes in Shakespeare.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And no one cares about cantatas anymore, either.'"|NoOneCaresCantatas]] [["'Well, I'll think about it.'"|IllThinkAboutCantata]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And don't forget that photographer from the local paper, he was brutal.' 'The Volunteer can be very harsh too, you just have to read between the lines,' says Joe. 'And they weren't. No, Sue, you have to admit it: your cantata was a great success, and the people want to hear more.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I just don't think the material is really suited to a children's choir.'"|ChildrensChoir]] [["'No one cares about cantatas anymore, Joe.'"|NoOneCaresCantatas]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I don't know, I'll think about it,' I say. 'Maybe I'll pick it up again. No promises.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["No promises."|Nopromises]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " No promises.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No I didn't,' I say. 'Well you should. We'd all love to hear the rest.' 'Yeah,' says Milly. 'You could get the church choir to perform it,' says Joe. 'There's a lot of good voices in this town, and they're crying out for something new. We'd hold the concert here, we'd pack the place out.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'No one cares about cantatas anymore, Joe.'"|NoOneCaresCantatas]] [["'You'd have to persuade Father Collins first.'"|CollinsFirst]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, it's sweet of you to say that. I'll think about it. No promises.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["No promises."|Nopromises]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " No promises.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Well, good luck with that,' I say. 'I don't know, maybe I'll pick up the cantata again. I'll think about it. No promises.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["No promises."|Nopromises]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " No promises.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What is an 'alt-rock' band?' 'It means alternative rock,' says Milly. 'It's an American thing. They play rock music, but they wear jeans and runners and stuff.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Are they like Nirvana?'"|LikeNirvana]] [["'And that's an alternative to what?'"|Alternative]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Oh, are they like Nirvana?' I ask. I had a student once who was really into Nirvana. Trevor — I wonder what happened to him? 'I suppose Deep Blue Something are a bit like Nirvana,' says Joe. 'They're a bit less heavy, though, not so much edge. I would say Nirvana are the more 'punk' of the two.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And that's an alternative to what, exactly?' 'I believe it is meant as an alternative to the stylistic excesses of both 'hair metal' and mainstream pop,' says Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're right, I'll never guess,' I say. 'It's 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' by Deep Blue Something,' says Milly. 'A 'private joke' between bride and groom, we're told,' says Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Of course it is.'"|OfCoursePrivateJoke]] [["'Deep Blue who?'"|DeepBlueSomething]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not for me, thanks,' I say. The fewer trips up and down the balcony, the better. I sit at the bench and take out my organ shoes. 'I suppose you've seen the programme for today?' asks Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'The usual stuff, is it?'"|UsualStuff]] [["'I prefer to keep it a surprise.'"|PreferSurprise]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Is that your 'special tea', is it?' I ask him, with a wink at Milly. 'No, I keep the special ingredient in my other flask,' he says, tapping his jacket pocket. 'This one won't get anyone in trouble.' I sit at the bench and take out my organ shoes. 'I suppose you've seen the programme for today?' asks Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'The usual stuff, is it?'"|UsualStuff]] [["'I prefer to keep it a surprise.'"|PreferSurprise]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Are these all actual band names?' I say. 'In my day they had short and catchy names like 'Wham' and 'Bono' and 'Aha'. Now it's like every band name is a complete sentence.' 'Well you do get bands like 'The Corrs' and 'The Verve' and 'Oasis',' says Milly. 'They're not complete sentences.' 'More like prison sentences,' says Joe.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Good one, Joe.'"|GoodOneJoe]] [["'The Corrs, they're Irish, aren't they?'"|CorrsIrish]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'The Corrs — they're Irish, aren't they? Are they from round here? I know a few Corrs.' 'No, these Corrs are from up north. Dundalk, I think,' says Milly. 'Oh, enough said.' 'I am an admirer of Sharon Corr's work with the fiddle,' says Joe, 'though for me that folk-rock element is not really well integrated into the overall sound of the band, I would have to say.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Good one, Joe.' 'Yes, I didn't like that last Oasis album at all,' says Joe. 'Be Here Now was a significant disappointment after the early promise of What's the Story Morning Glory and Definitely Maybe, in my opinion.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You have a good singing voice, Milly,' I say. 'Keep that up, you might even be the next Joan Osborne.' Milly shakes her head. 'Oh, you might do better than that,' says Joe. 'We haven't heard too much of Joan Osborne lately, and the success of 'One of Us' was due in part to its novelty aspects, I would say. Time will tell, but I fear she may well turn out to be a one-hit wonder.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] [["'Not that there's anything wrong with that.'"|OneHitNotWrong]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Now that sounds like Christian rock,' I say. 'Someone should tell Father Collins, might be right up his alley.' 'I would say Joan Osborne is more at the intersection of indie pop and novelty single,' says Joe. 'Her work doesn't quite have the evangelical earnestness that tends to be characteristic of the contemporary Christian genre.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'And how do you know all this, Joe?'"|HowDoYouKnowJoe]] [["'So I'm the only one here who has never heard of this stuff?'"|NeverHeardOfStuff]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'You're the oldest swinger in town, Joe.' 'Oh that I am,' says Joe. 'I can tape the album for you if you like,' he says. 'It has moments that are almost classical.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll pass, thanks.'"|IllPassThanks]] [["'I'm sure it has.'"|SureItDoes]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Not that there's anything wrong with that.' 'Oh of course not,' says Joe, 'indeed it's very often an unfair label to be stuck with. I've heard the same charge levelled at Natalie Imbruglia, but I have to say, I very much like her new album, there's a lot of quality songs there.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Well you're full of surprises, Joe.'"|FullOfSurprises]] [["'You're like the oldest swinger in town, Joe.'"|OlderSwinger]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I'm sure it has,' I say. Milly is showing me a printed score. 'The music they gave us for 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' is really for piano,' she says. 'And I think these are guitar chords. Do you want to give it a play through?'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I'll pass on that, too.'"|PassOnThatToo]] [["'I think I'll manage.'"|IllManage]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think I'll manage,' I say. 'I play better when I'm seeing it the first time. Keeps me on my toes.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Oh, she's a great sight-reader, our Sue,' says Joe."|GreatSightReader]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Oh, she's a great sight-reader, our Sue,' says Joe.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I begin my warm-up. A chromatic descent on the pedals, and then back. C minor scales on two manuals, switching manuals. Octaves against arpeggios: tonic, subdominant, submediant, dominant... and then I pause as I catch sight of Milly in the mirror. 'Are you thinking of giving us the Passacaglia, perhaps?' Joe asks me.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Maybe if you're lucky.'"|MaybeIfLucky]] [["'What's that you're looking at, Milly?'"|WhatsThatMilly]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe if you're lucky,' I say, 'and if Milly turns the pages. Isn't that right, Milly?' Of course it's her own business if she wants to lean over the balcony, she's a young woman now. But still I feel responsible. She's still that ten-year-old from our first lesson together, in many ways. 'Sorry, I was a bit distracted by that guy,' says Milly. 'I wonder what he's doing.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I crane my neck to see who she's talking about."|ICraneMyNeck]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " I crane my neck to see who she's talking about.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What's that you're looking at, Milly?' I say. Of course it's her own business if she wants to lean over the balcony, she's a young woman now. But still I feel responsible. She's still that ten-year-old from our first lesson together, in many ways. 'I wonder what he's doing,' Milly says.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["I crane my neck to see who she's talking about."|ICraneMyNeck]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " I crane my neck to see who she's talking about.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " A young man in a white suit is pacing around at the head of the nave, gesticulating and muttering to himself.">><<set $joeintro to false>><<set $millyintro to false>><<set $susanintro to false>><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Maybe he's practising a speech.'"|MaybeHesPractising]] [["'Looks like he's stuck in a dream world.'"|LooksLikeWorld]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Maybe he's practising a speech. Could be doing one of the readings, I suppose.' 'You don't think he's the groom?' asks Milly.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'He doesn't look like marriage material.'"|MarriageMaterial]] [["'He looks more like a lost altar boy.'"|LostAltarBoy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Looks like he's stuck in a dream world,' I say, and then that strikes me as unnecessarily harsh. Aren't we all in our own dream world up here on the balcony? Isn't this our little collective escape from reality? Is that even a problem?">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Maybe it's a problem for Milly."|MillyIntro]] [["Joe can do what he likes."|JoeIntro]] [["And what about me?"|SusanIntro]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He doesn't look like marriage material,' I say, and that immediately strikes me as an insensitive remark. Is any of us really marriage material? Does it matter?">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Joe never married."|JoeIntro]] [["I certainly have no intention of marrying."|SusanIntro]] [["And who knows about Milly?"|MillyIntro]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He looks like a lost altar boy,' I say, and then that strikes me as more uncharitable than necessary. Aren't we all a bit lost, stranded here on the church balcony? Has any one of us here really found their way? Does it matter?">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Joe doesn't need to be here."|JoeIntro]] [["I never thought I'd end up here."|SusanIntro]] [["And what about Milly?"|MillyIntro]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $joeintro to true>><<set $bodytext to "Joe still has a key. He comes here of his own accord, most weekends now. No one asks him not to. At first I thought it was odd; now ">><</silently>>@@color:white; $bodytext [[I'll miss him when he stops.|MissWhenHeStops]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "I'll miss him when he stops.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $susanintro to true>><<set $bodytext to "Contentment — I think this is what contentment must be like. It took its time coming, but this is probably it. I still have money issues, ">><</silently>>@@color:white; $bodytext[[but who doesn't?|WhoDoesntMoney]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "but who doesn't?">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $millyintro to true>><<set $bodytext to "I worry about Milly — her old-fashioned name, her old-fashioned parents, how severe they are behind closed doors. ">><</silently>>@@color:white; $bodytext[["I worry that this is a refuge for her."|RefugeForHer]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "I worry that this is a refuge for her.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I continue to be touched by his generosity towards me. I came here and replaced him, a blow-in from the big city, a younger and frankly much more talented model — not many men of his generation would have reacted so well, certainly none in the Academy. I came here anticipating a struggle, small-town jealousy, but no — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["Joe has been my biggest fan."|JoeBIgFan]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Joe has been my biggest fan.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " He helped me get set up, found me students, raves about me to everyone he meets — I don't think I have a better ally in Dunbawn, or a better friend, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["truth be told."|TrurthBeTold]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "truth be told.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " He doesn't play much anymore, not with those fingers. But he's still interested. Most people his age are clogging up the pews, but Joe would rather sit here than downstairs. He's closer to God here. He believes in Bach.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<if $susanintro is false>>[[I certainly do.|SusanIntro]] <</if>><<if $millyintro is false>>[[But I don't know if Milly does.|MillyIntro]] <</if>>[["'Okay, Joe, we'll play the Passacaglia.'"|PlayThePassacaglia]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "'Okay Joe, let's play the Passacaglia,' I say. 'Oh, excellent!' says Joe, rubbing his hands together. 'And I'll turn the pages,' says Milly. 'Should I do the registration too?'">><</silently>>@@color:white; $bodytext [["'No need.'"|NoNeedRegistration]] [["'Let's just do it flat out.'"|FlatOut]]

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " And I can't complain too much about that, either. Not many churches have a paid organist, and not many churches have a real nineteenth-century pipe organ. Dunbawn was a rich parish, once. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["But the thought never goes away: I'm in hiding here."|ImInHiding]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " But the thought never goes away: I'm in hiding here.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Hiding from my talent. Joe is right: I am a great sight-reader. I've never met better, not even at the Academy. It's always been my special power. I was the girl wonder, I could play through any score unfazed, nothing could defeat me. But then at the Academy, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["my special power became my disgrace."|MyLiability]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "my special power became my disgrace.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'She's a good sight-reader,' I discovered, was a back-handed compliment. Sight-reading was one of many signs of weakness and failure. 'An impressive piece of sight-reading' was how they judged my diploma performance. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["Maybe they had a point."|MaybeAPoint]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Maybe they had a point.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Maybe I'd play better if I weren't such a good sight-reader. If I'd had to sit down and chug through it like everyone else, maybe I'd have developed the technique and the touch and the soul. But no, I could get by with sight-reading, I could coast home. And I coasted home all the way to ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["Dunbawn, county Comerford."|WingItNoMore]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Dunbawn, county Comerford.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Where would I be now, if I weren't such a good sight-reader? And would I be content there, too? Would I have such a magnificent instrument at my disposal? ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<if $millyintro is false>>[[Would I have Milly?|MillyIntro]] <<else>>Would I have Milly? <</if>><<if $joeintro is false>>[[Would I have Joe?|JoeIntro]] <<else>>Would I have Joe? <</if>>[["'Okay, Joe, let's play the Passacaglia.'"|PlayThePassacaglia]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I don't think she likes playing music anymore, if she ever did. But she always wants lessons. She seems to like being around me, though I can't imagine it's for my company. I find it harder to talk to her lately. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["I almost don't want to intrude."|DontWantToIntrude]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I almost don't want to intrude.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " It hasn't gone away. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Will it ever go away?"|WillItGoAway]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Will it ever go away?">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " She's still my star pupil, Milly, though the exam will be a struggle. She's stressed. I don't think she cares about grade seven, she's more worried these weekends will be over. I want to tell her I don't care about grade seven either, Milly, we can come here and play Deep Blue Something if you like. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Your parents, on the other hand...."|HappensToUsAll]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " Your parents, on the other hand....">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " On schooldays she wears her uniform, on weekends she's dressed more conservatively. Not many sixteen-year-old girls would spend their Saturdays with the current and former organist of St. Alphonsus Church, Dunbawn. Granted, I did the equivalent when I was her age, but that was a generation ago, and besides, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["look how I turned out --"|LookHowITurnedOut]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "look how I turned out —">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Oh, who am I kidding? This is the highlight of the week for all of us.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ <<if $susanintro is false>>[[It's definitely the highlight for me.|SusanIntro]] <<else>>It's definitely the highlight for me. <</if>><<if $joeintro is false>>[[And I'm pretty sure it is for Joe.|JoeIntro]] <<else>>And I'm pretty sure it is for Joe. <</if>>[["'Okay, Joe, let's play the Passacaglia.'"|PlayThePassacaglia]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'No need,' I say, working the stops. 'Plenum right from the start?' says Joe. 'Just like God intended. Let's blow off those cobwebs, Joe.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I love it,' he says, clapping his hands."|DestroyTheWorld]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'I love it,' he says, clapping his hands.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Let's just do it flat out,' I say. 'All the stops, right from the start?' says Joe. 'Just like God intended. Let's blow off those cobwebs, Joe.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I love it,' he says, clapping his hands."|DestroyTheWorld]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'I love it,' he says, clapping his hands.">><</silently>>

<<audio "passacaglia" play volume 1>><<timed 3s>>[img[Chapter 10: Vows|chapterten.jpg][LookAtMeLaura]]<</timed>>

@@color:gray;$bodytext@@ Milly places the score in front of me, and I look down at my feet and breathe in slowly. [[--|WeddingVows]]

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'In your day they'd have been run out of the country, bride and groom and all.' 'Excommunicated,' says Joe. 'Deep Blue Something are actually a Christian band,' says Milly. 'A Christian alt-rock band.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'Alt-rock?'"|AltRock]] [["'I'd still refuse them on grounds of taste.'"|RefuseOnGroundOfTaste]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

Look at me, Laura. Laura, [[look at me.|NeedYouLaura]]

I need you to look at me, Laura, now, now more than ever. I need your smile. [[I need the courage you give|TheCourageYouGive]], now, for what I am about to do —

I'm here, Laura, I'm right here — Look past that invisible bulk between us, look through him, [[look at me|OnlyMeAndYou]], I'm right here —

It's only me and you here, Laura — Me and you, and John between us, and Orla on the other side, and two priests, and altar boys, it's [[too crowded|NotIntimate]], why are there [[so many people?|SoManyPeople]]

Why are there two priests? Two priests, looking down at us from the step above, a priest and an [[assistant priest|AssistantPriest]], what's the other one doing? We're [[too exposed|TooExposed]] here, Laura —

Two priests, a priest and someone dressed as a priest, looking down at us, looking down at me — [[Why won't you look at me|IMeanItLookAtMe]], Laura?

We're too exposed, and too hemmed in. I'm crowded, my movement is restricted, my scope of action, too many eyes — [[Why won't you look at me|IMeanItLookAtMe]], Laura?

Laura, I mean it, please look at me. Laura, I promise you [[I will die now if you don't look at me|DieNowAiden]]. Laura —

Just once, Laura, I need your smile, [[I won't ask you again|YesASmile]], please — Please, Laura —

It's not intimate here, Laura, it should be intimate. It's your sacred declaration of love, what could be more intimate? But it's cold, it's [[too exposed|TooExposed]] — And [[why are there two priests here?|AssistantPriest]]

[[Yes.|YesASmile2]]

Yes, oh yes. Oh that means so much. [[A glance|MascaradEye]], even as you embark upon your [[marriage vows|CeremonialLanguage]] —

A glance through mascara, through a hoop of eyeshadow, too much makeup — You're a painted Laura, a creased and pressed and folded Laura, an origami Laura — You're still my Laura — [["'I do,' says John."|RicherForPoorer]]

'John, do you take Laura as your wife —'. The priest's ceremonial monotone. The words of the magic spell. The ritual has begun. I am part of the ritual, I become the ritual, I shape the ritual. The hero enacts his own ritual. [["'I do,' says John."|RicherForPoorer]]

'For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer.' This is the language of myth, of simple antithesis, good and evil, of symbol, of gesture, heroic gesture — I speak this language — [["'I do,' says Laura."|TooFastForMe]]

It's all happening too fast. Too soon. The climax of a story arc, the hour is upon me — A host of voices say 'Amen.' 'Now would be the time for the rings,' the priest says to me, [[holding out his hand.|HoldingOutHand]]

<<silently>><<set $gavering to false>><<set $keptring to false>><<set $droppedring to false>><<set $worering to false>><<set $gaverose to false>><<set $bodytext to "The symbol, and the gesture:">><</silently>>$bodytext [["[I give the rings to the priest.]"|RingsToPriest]] [["[I give the rings to Laura.]"|RingsToLaura]] [["[I give the rose to Laura.]"|RoseToLaura]] [["[I drop the rings.]"|DropTheRings]] [["[I wear one of the rings.]"|WearTheRings]] [["[I keep the rings.]"|KeepTheRings]]

<<silently>><<set $gavering to true>><<set $newtext to " I give the rings to the priest, who places them on a small embroidered cushion held aloft by the other priest,">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[and begins his ritual blessing.|TheSacrifice]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " and begins his ritual blessing.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $gavering to true>><<set $newtext to " I give the rings to Laura, and she takes them, looking confused. 'Ah no, give them here, first,' says the priest. 'I'll just give them a quick bless and you can get on with it.' Murmurs and titters from the crowd as Laura gives him the rings and">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[John pats me on the back.|TheSacrifice]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " John pats me on the back.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $gaverose to true>><<set $newtext to " The rose: a time-honoured symbol of love and faithfulness. This rose I offer you, Laura. This rose — it's tricky to get out — 'The rings are in your other pocket,' says John. 'Your side pocket, I can see the outline of them,' says the priest.">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["[I continue trying to remove the rose.]"|RemoveTheRose]] [["[I protect the rings.]"|ProtectTheRings]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $droppedring to true>><<set $newtext to " The rings, symbols of union, of eternity, fallen: A simple gesture, an open hand, and they are tossed like dice, cast to fortune's winds — A ping of metal, trapped underfoot —">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'Got it,' says John."|GotItJohn]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Got it,' says John." >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $worering to true>><<set $newtext to " The ring, a symbol of union, of eternity, my eternal love, Laura, eternally yours — I hold out my hand, wearing the ring that fits me, carrying the other — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'Well, that's one way to keep them safe,' says the priest."|OneWayToKeepThem]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Well, that's one way to keep them safe,' says the priest." >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $keptring to true>><<set $newtext to " I put my hand in my pocket and keep it there. I know I cannot prevent what is to come, I know I struggle against inevitability itself — But still, I must struggle. Still, I must make my mark —">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'Ahem, the rings,' says the priest."|AhemTheRings]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Ahem, the rings,' says the priest." >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $gavering to true>><<set $newtext to " And thus I yield my love. This is truly the noblest gesture, the greatest sacrifice, for the greatest love. 'Greater love hath no man than this....' 'It is a far, far better thing I do now....' And we two, Laura, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[we are the only two who know.|WeHappyTwo]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " we are the only two who know.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $gavering to true>><<set $newtext to " The magnitude of the gesture, the sheer scale of the sacrifice. 'The achieve of, the mastery of the thing.' It's our shared secret, Laura.">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[Laura|SharedSecretLaura]] — <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " Laura —">><</silently>>

She gazes into his eyes as he slips a ring on her finger. There's a space around them, [[and a light.|AndALight]]

I watch them as I might watch actors on a stage. An audience applauds [[as they embrace.|AsTheyEmbrace]]

I see them embrace as I might see people across the street embrace, or people at the [[next bus stop down,|NextBusStop]]

They recede in space. They all recede in space: Laura, John, Orla, the priests, the crowd. I'm peering in from the fringes. It's almost as if almost as if I were peripheral — [[--|ColmsJokes]]

<<silently>><<set $gaverose to true>><<set $newtext to " The pin still won't budge. Deirdre put a clasp on the other side, I didn't notice. And now John is reaching towards my pocket — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["[I pull out the rose with some force.]"|RemoveTheRose2]] [["[I protect the rings.]"|ProtectTheRings]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I plunge my hand into my side pocket just as John does. We touch hands. 'It's okay, I've got them,' says John. Titters and murmurs from the crowd as he gives the rings to the priest. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'He had to do one thing right,' says the priest."|HadToDoOneThing]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'He had to do one thing right,' says the priest">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I yank out the rose, sending petals flying. 'It's okay, I've got them,' says John. Titters and murmurs from the crowd as he hands the rings to the priest. The priests puts them on a little silver cushion held up by his assistant, and begins his blessing.">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[Look at me, Laura.|LookAtMeRose]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

I did this for you, Laura. This rose — You understand, Laura, I know you do. You understand the gesture. And one day you'll only see the love, the beauty — Laura, [[please look at me.|SharedSecretLaura]] Laura —

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " out loud, and some of the audience laugh. 'Don't worry about it, bit of stage fright, happens to us all,' he whispers to me. The rings are on a little silver cushion held up by the assistant. The priest begins his blessing. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[Look at me, Laura.|LauraYouUnderStand]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'He had to do one thing,' says the priest">><</silently>>

I did this for you, Laura. You understand, Laura, I know you do. You understand the gesture. And one day you'll only see the love, the beauty, the sacrifice — Laura, [[please look at me.|SharedSecretLaura]] Laura —

<<silently>><<set $droppedring to true>><<set $newtext to " 'And I've got the other one,' says a scampering altar boy, pleased with himself. Murmurs from the crowd as the priest collects the rings.">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'He had to do one thing right,' says the priest."|HadToDoOneThing]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'He had to do one thing right,' says the priest">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " — though the one that fits me is still loose — John and his fat fingers — The priest takes the rings and puts them on a small embroidered cushion held aloft by the other priest, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [[and begins his ritual blessing.|TheWearingOfTheRing]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " and begins his ritual blessing.">><</silently>>

Laura, look at me. You saw what I did, didn't you? [[You understood the symbolism.|LauraYouUnderStand]]

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " John nudges me. 'Aiden!' whispers Laura angrily. I can't refuse you, Laura, you know I can't refuse you —">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["[I give the rings to the priest.]"|AsleepOnTheJob]] [["[I hold on to them for another moment.]"|AnotherMomentOfRing]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I yield the rings to the priest, Laura. I do this for you, because you ask me, only for you — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'Sleeping on the job,' says the priest."|HadToDoOneThing]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Sleeping on the job,' says the priest">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " but still, I count a beat, an eternal moment, of utmost significance, before yielding the rings. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray; $bodytext@@@@color:white; $newtext [["'Sleeping on the job,' says the priest."|HadToDoOneThing]] <<scrolldown>><<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Sleeping on the job,' says the priest">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "'Bangor is a town in Wales,' explains Colm. He holds the mic awkwardly in his left hand; his right arm is in a sling. 'So when I said 'he's going to bang her for the whole weekend', I meant, 'he's going to Bangor, Wales, for the whole weekend'.'">><</silently>>$bodytext [["'Can you believe people are laughing at this?' says Nick to me under the din."|WhispersNick]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + " 'Can you believe people are laughing at this?' says Nick to me under the din.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Colm continues his speech. 'Anyway, before I finish up, could I ask the couple give me a little romantic pose — no John, not that romantic! Yeah, looking into each other's eyes, lovely. John and Laura, you're now looking into the eyes of the person statistically most likely to murder you. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Let's hear it for the happy couple, everyone!'"|HearItForTheCOuple]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Let's hear it for the happy couple, everyone!'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Geocities dot com slash shit wedding jokes,' says Nick during the applause. I don't even get the high table. I get stuck in the middle of the room with the second-raters. 'A solid set there from Colm,' announces John, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["after grabbing the mic and resuming compere mode."|CompereMode]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "after grabbing the mic and resuming compere mode.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I think we can all agree, those jokes were nearly as funny as the first time we heard them.' He pauses for laughter, and some people oblige, and then he says 'isn't that right, Grandad?' and some people laugh again. Some people are already so drunk ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["they would laugh at anything."|NoGrandad]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "they would laugh at anything.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'What's that? No? Sorry Colm, Grandad says no,' he continues. 'But I'm going to disagree with him there, Colm, I think your interpretation of the material was valid.' It's easier to get these laughs, John, when you're basking in the ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["unearned goodwill of a newlywed bridegroom."|UnearnedGoodwill]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "unearned goodwill of a newlywed bridegroom.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Now, some of you might notice something unusual about Colm, like that he isn't already drunk at this stage of the evening.' Laura hasn't looked at me once all evening. And neither has Lisa. To be fair, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@<<if $keptring is true or $gaverose is true>>[["I'm not the most visible where I'm sitting...."|FrodoSpeech]]<<elseif $droppedring is true>>[["I'm not the most visible where I'm sitting...."|BoxingSpeech]]<<elseif $gavering is true>>[["I'm not the most visible where I'm sitting...."|OfficerSpeech]]<<else>>[["I'm not the most visible where I'm sitting...."|MarriedSpeech]]<</if>> <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I'm not the most visible where I'm sitting....">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And the reason is painkillers. Now, as many of you know, Colm here, like Frodo in Lord of the Rings, was originally slated to be the ring-bearer of our merry fellowship.' Amid the titters and the background chat, someone bellows out a sustained 'NERD', which, partly because it's so startling, prompts the room to erupt in laughter. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["John raises his hand and waits for calm."|JohnWaitsForCalm]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "John raises his hand and waits for calm.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And the answer is, painkillers. Now, as many of you know, on tonight's original card, Colm was billed as our best man. And I can tell you, he was really up for this one. Bit between the teeth, raring to go, the eye of the tiger.' ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Still think this is a free meal?'"|StillThinkThisIsFree]] Nick asks me amid the general laughter. <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Still think this is a free meal?' Nick asks me amid the general laughter.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And the answer is, painkillers. Now, as many of you know, Colm was due to be best man during today's ceremony. But sadly he fell in the line of duty, he dived on a grenade and took one for the team. Well that's what he thought he was doing, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["he was drunk off his face at the time.'"|DrunkOffHisFace]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "he was drunk off his face at the time.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And the answer is, painkillers. Now, as many of you know, Colm was due to be best man during today's ceremony. And I can tell you, he was really into it. He had mastered the whole ring move, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["he was training for weeks.'"|TrainingForWeeks]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "he was training for weeks.'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So I should explain, the guy who just called me a nerd, Mark Ferris, he's a great guy, and I really appreciate that you're here, Mark, I know Saturday is your Dungeons and Dragons night....' ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["He pauses for the inevitable laughs and jeers."|PausesForJeers]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "He pauses for the inevitable laughs and jeers.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " The guy in question makes a protest inaudible above the racket, and then John replies 'Mark, don't pretend you haven't read Lord of the Rings fifteen times.' He turns away and says 'He's just upset with me because I'm disrespecting the lore.' ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ 'Worth it for this, wasn't it?' Nick asks me [[amid the general laughter. |NoClueWhatsGoingOn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " 'Worth it for this, wasn't it?' Nick asks me amid the general laughter. ">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Anyway,' John continues, 'like I said, Colm was our original ring-bearer, but just like Frodo in Lord of the Rings, he faltered at the last minute, on the very steps of Mount Doom.' John looks at me for a moment and then looks away. John, don't go there. Don't go there, John. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["I promise you you'll regret it."|UtterUtterBastard]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I promise you you'll regret it.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And just like in Lord of the Rings, another ring-bearer stepped up to take his place. Now,' he says, inserting a pause to allow a few people to get the reference, 'now, I've got to say, Aiden, you did have us worried there for a minute.'">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ Everyone is looking at me and laughing. John, you are an evil person [["and I hate you."|IHateYouJohn]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " Everyone is looking at me and laughing. John, you are an evil person and I hate you.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I thought you were going to go 'my precious' on us, it was a bit of a tense climax,' he says. 'But we got there in the end, and Laura and I are very grateful.' Someone drunk behind me cheers. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'This must be a proud moment for you,' whispers Nick."|EveryoneElseLooks]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'This must be a proud moment for you,' whispers Nick.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So I'd like everyone to give a big hand to the greatest little hobbit of them all, my best man and yours, Aiden Tunney!' Whoops and cheers and applause from the guests, and I nod in acknowledgement. Laura claps absent-mindedly; she's talking to someone else. She still hasn't looked at me, and ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["neither has Lisa."|NeitherHasLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "neither has Lisa.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Speech!' someone roars behind me. Someone else half-heartedly develops it into a chant: 'speech, speech....' 'Aiden, will you say a few words?' asks John. 'Come on, you will.' Thumping and bellowing. The mic is being passed down to me. 'You don't have to, you know,' says Nick ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["as the mic reaches our table."|WayLightOpportune]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "as the mic reaches our table.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And his injury meant we had to draft in a last-minute replacement. Now, we sized up Aiden here,' John says, and at this everyone turns to me, 'and we thought, this guy has the chops, this guy has the record, he can punch above his weight,' someone sniggers, 'and besides, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["how hard can it be?'"|HowHardCanItBe]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "how hard can it be?'">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " People are looking at me and laughing. John, you'll regret this. 'Surely,' says John, 'it's the easiest thing in the world to take a small object from your pocket and give it to the person next to you? What could go wrong? But let's be fair,' he says, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Colm was training at this for months.'"|ColmTrainingMonths]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Colm was training at this for months. ">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "He was training like Rocky. And let me tell you, his times were good. He was getting that ring out of his pocket nine times out of ten, eight or nine times out of ten.' Colm holds up his good hand ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["to acknowledge the applause."|AckTheApplause]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "to acknowledge the applause.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Aiden was a last-minute replacement,' continues John, 'and as we say in the fight game, it turns out he was a bit ring-rusty. I said, it turns out he had a bit of ring-rust,' he says, prompting a round of groans and jeers. 'Tough crowd,' he says. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Worth it for that joke, wasn't it?' says Nick."|ToughCrowd]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Worth it for that joke, wasn't it?' says Nick.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And speaking of ring-rust,' John says, turning to Laura, 'my dear, I hope you don't expect me to go twelve rounds tonight. After the night I had with Colm, I don't think I can go the distance.' Laura mimes punching him as ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["everyone laughs."|YuckSaysNick]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "everyone laughs.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Laura there, my sparring partner,' says John. 'My parents warned me about that right hook. I suppose that's a taste of what I've got coming to me.' Colm shouts something about his 'most likely to murder' joke.">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["Laura still hasn't looked at me."|LauraBoxing]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " Laura still hasn't looked at me.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Anyway,' says John, 'I'd like you all to give your appreciation for the replacement best man. He coulda been a contender, but actually he's a true champ: my best man and yours, Aiden Tunney!' Whoops and cheers and applause from the guests, and I nod in acknowledgement. Laura claps absent-mindedly; ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["she's talking to someone else."|NeitherHasLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "she's talking to someone else.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Colm holds up his good hand to acknowledge the laughter. 'And when your best man goes missing in action, what do you do?' continues John. 'You call in the marines. And when you can't call in the marines, you call in the Kentucky Colonels. Which is why we turned to Aiden here.' Everyone turns to face me. They're looking at me and laughing. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["John, you'll regret this."|KentuckyColonels]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "John, you'll regret this.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Aiden might look like he's selling fried chicken, but let me tell you this, he's got the chops too.' Groans and laughs and jeers. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Oh, there's plenty more of that,' says John."|GotTheChops]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Oh, there's plenty more of that,' says John.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'Like I told him earlier,' says John, 'Aiden, you're not just the best, you're finger lickin' good.' 'Mmm-mmm,' says someone on a nearby table amid the laughter. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Worth it, wasn't it,' says Nick."|WorthItWasntIt]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Worth it, wasn't it,' says Nick.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'So I'd like everyone to give a roll of their drumsticks for the man the moment. He's an officer and a gentleman, he's my best man and yours: ladies and gentlemen, Aiden Tunney!' Whoops and cheers and applause from the guests, and I nod in acknowledgement. Laura claps absent-mindedly; she's talking to someone else. She still hasn't looked at me, and ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["neither has Lisa."|NeitherHasLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "neither has Lisa.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Colm holds up his good hand to acknowledge the laughter. 'But his replacement, Aiden here, he was even more into it. He was more into it than I was.' Everyone turns to face me. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["John, you'll regret this."|JohnYoullRegret]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "John, you'll regret this.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'I tell you, it got competitive up there on the altar. I thought I'd better say 'I do' before this guy does. And then Father Collins said 'you may pass the ring', and I turned around and this guy was already wearing it!' Some especially drunk people start whooping above the laughter. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Worth it, wasn't it?' says Nick."|ProudMomentWorth]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Worth it, wasn't it?' says Nick.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And then I thought, should I just step aside here, or...?' John pauses for another laugh. 'I actually don't know which one of us is married to Laura now. Do you know, Aiden? You sure it's me? Or maybe we're married to each other?' People are looking at me and laughing. Are they expecting me to answer? ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I don't know.'"|DontKnowIfMarried]] [["'No we're not.'"|NoWereNotMarried]] [["'I think we are.'"|IThinkWeAreMarried]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext >><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I don't know,' I say, but no one hears me above the din, and John isn't interested anyway. 'Anyway,' he says, 'ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for my best man, and maybe my husband, Aiden Tunney!' Whoops and cheers and applause from the guests, and I nod in acknowledgement. Laura claps absent-mindedly; ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["she's talking to someone else."|NeitherHasLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "she's talking to someone else.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'No we're not,' I say, but no one hears me above the din, and John isn't interested anyway. 'Anyway,' he says, 'ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for my best man, and maybe my husband, Aiden Tunney!' Whoops and cheers and applause from the guests, and I nod in acknowledgement. Laura claps absent-mindedly; ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["she's talking to someone else."|NeitherHasLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "she's talking to someone else.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I think we are,' I say, but no one hears me above the din, and John isn't interested anyway. 'Anyway,' he says, 'ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for my best man, and maybe my husband, Aiden Tunney!' Whoops and cheers and applause from the guests, and I nod in acknowledgement. Laura claps absent-mindedly; ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["she's talking to someone else."|NeitherHasLisa]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "she's talking to someone else.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'This morning,' I begin, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'I received a phone call...'"|ReceivedAPhoneCall]] [["'I received a great honour...'"|ReceivedAGreatHonour]] [["'I was woken up abruptly...'"|WokenUpAbruptly]]<<if $breakfastattack is true>> [["'I was attacked for my breakfast choices...'"|AttackOverBreakfast]]<</if>> <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I received a phone call asking me to be the best man at the wedding ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... of my two friends...'"|WeddingOfMyFriends]] [["'... of Laura and John...'"|WeddingOfLJ]] [["'... of two people who love each other...'"|WeddingOfTwo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I received a great honour. I was asked to be best man at the wedding ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... of my two friends...'"|WeddingOfMyFriends]] [["'... of Laura and John...'"|WeddingOfLJ]] [["'... of two people who love each other...'"|WeddingOfTwo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I was woken up abruptly, by Laura. It was a phone call,' I say in response to the jeers, 'she called me, and asked me to be best man at her wedding. And I said ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... yes, without hesitation...'"|YesNoHesitation]] [["'... only if I don't have to make a speech...'"|OnlyIfNoSpeech]] [["'... what, you're getting married?'"|WhatYoureGettingMarried]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'I was attacked for my breakfast choices. I couldn't even sit down to eat without someone passing an opinion on what I was eating. We're so quick to judge others, to criticise, to look at what they are doing and say no. And that's why I said yes this morning, when I was asked to be best man at the wedding ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... of my two friends...'"|WeddingOfMyFriends]] [["'... of Laura and John...'"|WeddingOfLJ]] [["'... of two people who love each other...'"|WeddingOfTwo]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "of my two friends, Laura and John. And I said yes, yes unhesitatingly, I want to be there for both of you, because —' I pause and look at Laura. '— because it's so easy, in this world, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to slip into cynicism...'"|SlipIntoCynicism]] [["'... to hide away...'"|HideAway]] [["'... to sit on the sidelines...'"|SitOnSidelines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "of Laura and John. And I said yes, yes unhesitatingly, I want to be there for you, because —' I pause and look at Laura, '— because it's so easy, in this world, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to slip into cynicism...'"|SlipIntoCynicism]] [["'... to hide away...'"|HideAway]] [["'... to sit on the sidelines...'"|SitOnSidelines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "of two people who love each other very much. By which I mean Laura and John,' I say, getting a trickle of laughs. 'And I said yes, yes unhesitatingly, I want to be there for you, because — because it's so easy, in this world, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to slip into cynicism...'"|SlipIntoCynicism]] [["'... to hide away...'"|HideAway]] [["'... to sit on the sidelines...'"|SitOnSidelines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "to slip into cynicism, to be cynical about weddings, to say things like ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... 'it's all about the free meal'...'"|AllAboutFreeMeal]] [["'... 'it's just a financial transaction'...'"|JustFinancial]] [["'... 'it's a blatant money-grab'...'"|BlatantMoney]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "to hide away, to shun the light, to fail to stand up for ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... a friend in need...'"|AFriendInNeed]] [["'... our principles...'"|OurPrinciples]] [["'... the people we love...'"|PeopleWeLove]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "to sit on the sidelines, not to engage, to throw lazy jabs about the wedding, like ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... 'it's all about the free meal'...'"|AllAboutFreeMeal]] [["'... 'it's just a financial transaction'...'"|JustFinancial]] [["'... 'it's a blatant money-grab'...'"|BlatantMoney]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'it's all about the free meal'. But that's not true. Because today is a day where we celebrate people who chose to love.' ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["Laura still isn't making proper eye contact."|NoProperEyeContact]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Laura still isn't making proper eye contact.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'it's all just a financial arrangement'. But that's not true. Because today is a day where we celebrate people who chose to love.' ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["Laura still isn't making proper eye contact."|NoProperEyeContact]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Laura still isn't making proper eye contact.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "'it's all a blatant money-grab'. But that's not true. Because today is a day where we celebrate people who chose to love.' ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["Laura still isn't making proper eye contact."|NoProperEyeContact]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Laura still isn't making proper eye contact.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'And we can see that today,' I continue, 'if we just open our eyes. If we open our eyes, we will see there are people here who made the choice to love. And that choice should be, and must be, respected. Because that choice is about ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... being faithful to ourselves...'"|FaithfulToYourself]] [["'... pursuing our dreams....'"|PursuingYourDreams]] [["'... being the heroes of our own stories...'"|HeroOfOurOwnStory]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "being faithful to ourselves, having inner conviction, and not shying away from it, and that's not easy, that requires courage. 'And that's why, yes, this is a proud moment for me. I am proud to be here today, and play my part, and to the person who asked me, 'was it worth it?', I say ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... yes, a hundred times yes...'"|YesAHundredTimes]] [["'... yes, and I would do it again...'"|IWouldDoItAgain]] [["'... why would you ask such a thing?'"|WhyWouldYouAsk]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "pursuing our dreams, our most cherished goals, even in the face of adversity. And that's not easy, that requires courage. 'And that's why, yes, this is a proud moment for me. I am proud to be here today, and play my part, and to the person who asked me, 'was it worth it?', I say ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... yes, a hundred times yes...'"|YesAHundredTimes]] [["'... yes, and I would do it again...'"|IWouldDoItAgain]] [["'... why would you ask such a thing?'"|WhyWouldYouAsk]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "being the heroes of our own stories. For truly, the privilege of being alive is the chance to be the hero of your own story. And taking that chance is not easy, that requires courage. 'And that's why, yes, this is a proud moment for me. I am proud to be here today, and play my part, and to the person who asked me, 'was it worth it?', I say ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... yes, a hundred times yes...'"|YesAHundredTimes]] [["'... yes, and I would do it again...'"|IWouldDoItAgain]] [["'... why would you ask such a thing?'"|WhyWouldYouAsk]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "yes, a hundred times yes. Because look at the love here today, that's what we're celebrating, and that's what we must celebrate, because when we choose to love, we choose ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to build a better world...'"|ToBuildABetterWorld]] [["'... to reshape the universe...'"|ToReshapeTheUniverse]] [["'... the path of truth...'"|ThePathOfTruth]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "yes, and I would do it all over again, and I wouldn't change a single thing, every moment of it was a privilege to me. Because look at the love here today, that's what we're celebrating, and that's what we must celebrate, because when we choose to love, we choose ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to build a better world...'"|ToBuildABetterWorld]] [["'... to reshape the universe...'"|ToReshapeTheUniverse]] [["'... the path of truth...'"|ThePathOfTruth]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "why would you ask such a thing? That kind of question can only come from a mean place. And I can only hope that one day you will look back and see that. I hope that you will see the love here today, there's so much love in this room, that's what we're celebrating, and that's what we must celebrate, because when we choose to love, we choose ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to build a better world...'"|ToBuildABetterWorld]] [["'... to reshape the universe...'"|ToReshapeTheUniverse]] [["'... the path of truth...'"|ThePathOfTruth]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "to build a better world, for ourselves, for the people around us, for everyone.' My rhythm is interrupted by some loud handclaps: it's John, who by now is standing close by me. 'Lovely speech, Aiden,' he says, taking the mic, 'Aiden Tunney, everyone! He's the best man of all of us.' The applause is somewhat muted, but ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[I sit down with a sense of accomplishment.|ISitDownHappy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I sit down with a sense of accomplishment.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "to reshape the universe, to unite the sacred and profane, to....' My rhythm is interrupted by some loud handclaps: it's John, who by now is standing close by me. 'Lovely speech, Aiden,' he says, taking the mic. 'Aiden Tunney, everyone! He's the best man of all of us.' The applause is somewhat muted, but ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[I sit down with a sense of accomplishment.|ISitDownHappy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I sit down with a sense of accomplishment.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "the path of truth, and honesty, and virtue; the path towards...' My rhythm is interrupted by some loud handclaps: it's John, who by now is standing close by me. 'Lovely speech, Aiden,' he says, taking the mic, 'Aiden Tunney, everyone! He's the best man of all of us.' The applause is somewhat muted, but ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[I sit down with a sense of accomplishment.|ISitDownHappy]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I sit down with a sense of accomplishment.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I've said something real here today. I've said something real, and necessary, and true. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[No one can deny that.|NoOneCanDeny]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "No one can deny that.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "yes, with no hesitation, yes, I want to be there for you, because —' I pause and look at Laura, '— because it's so easy, in this world, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to slip into cynicism...'"|SlipIntoCynicism]] [["'... to hide away...'"|HideAway]] [["'... to sit on the sidelines...'"|SitOnSidelines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "only if I don't have to give a speech, and well, here I am,' I say, which gets some laughs. 'But still, I'm so happy to have been given this opportunity, and to have accepted it, because — because it's so easy, in this world, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to slip into cynicism...'"|SlipIntoCynicism]] [["'... to hide away...'"|HideAway]] [["'... to sit on the sidelines...'"|SitOnSidelines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "what, you're getting married today? Heh.' This is not my crowd, my timing is off. 'But honestly, I said yes, without hesitation. I said yes, I want to do this for you, because — because it's so easy, in this world, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... to slip into cynicism...'"|SlipIntoCynicism]] [["'... to hide away...'"|HideAway]] [["'... to sit on the sidelines...'"|SitOnSidelines]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "a friend in need. And if we don't care about our friends, we lose what it is to be truly human. We withdraw from the world, we get eaten by cynicism, we look at this wedding and say things like ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... 'it's all about the free meal'...'"|AllAboutFreeMeal]] [["'... 'it's just a financial transaction'...'"|JustFinancial]] [["'... 'it's a blatant money-grab'...'"|BlatantMoney]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "our principles, the things we believe in. And when we don't have principles, when we don't listen to our principles, we wither away inside, we wither away from the world, we look at this wedding and say things like ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... 'it's all about the free meal'...'"|AllAboutFreeMeal]] [["'... 'it's just a financial transaction'...'"|JustFinancial]] [["'... 'it's a blatant money-grab'...'"|BlatantMoney]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to "the people we love. And if we don't care about the people we love, if we don't love other people, we lose what it is to be truly human. We withdraw from the world, we get eaten by cynicism, we look at this wedding and say things like ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@ [["'... 'it's all about the free meal'...'"|AllAboutFreeMeal]] [["'... 'it's just a financial transaction'...'"|JustFinancial]] [["'... 'it's a blatant money-grab'...'"|BlatantMoney]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext>><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " It doesn't matter that half the people here are drunk and staring at the ceiling and mumbling to each other. It doesn't matter if not a word of what I said got through to them. What matters is that I said something true. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[Laura still won't make eye contact.|LauraStillWont]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "Laura still won't make eye contact">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[but that doesn't matter either.|DoesntMatterEither]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "but that doesn't matter either.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I know I was good and I was true. It doesn't matter what she thinks. And — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[it never really did.|TrulyDoesntMatter]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "it never really did.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " It never really did. They recede in space again — Laura, John, the rest — but this time, it's as if I'm floating above them, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[soaring|soaringfree]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "soaring">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " a sense of ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[triumph|triumph]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "triumph —">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[I've won.|IveWon]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + " I've won.">><</silently>>

[img[-|stainedglass1.jpg][Epilogue]]

<<silently>><<set $bodytext to "That all happened more than twenty years ago. A whole lifetime ago, really. ">><</silently>>$bodytext [["Hard to imagine."|HardToImagine]] <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + "Hard to imagine.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I never saw Laura again, or anyone from the wedding. I didn't exactly go out of my way to do so. For a while I even felt a trace of bitterness about my 'Laura years', I must admit. But in the meantime I've mellowed. Now I just see those years as a key part of my self-development — a necessary step to becoming ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[the person I am today.|PersonIAmToday]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "the person I am today.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<audio "hardcorefull" play volume 0.5>><<set $newtext to " Things are better now. That world is gone forever, and good riddance to it. Then, I was on my own, out of necessity. But since then, I've been able to reach out and find like minds — people who make me feel valuable, people who know I'm a ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[good person.|GoodCommunities]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "good person.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " There is still darkness out there, of course — darker than I ever realised twenty years ago. But together, we are fighting the good fight, and more importantly, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[we're winning.|WeAreWinning]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "we're winning.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " The time of John and his kind, that's over. This is our time. And slowly but surely, we are turning the world ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[our way.|OurWay]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "our way.">><</silently>>

[img[The Best Man|bestman4.png]]<<scrollright>><<timed 15s>><<replace "#tmptitle">>[img[Music Credits|bestman_music_link.png][MusicCredits]]<</replace>><<scrollright>><</timed>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Reshaping the universe'"|Ending]], as I would have put it back then, in my innocent wisdom. <<scrolldown>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " 'He stepped up to the plate, he took up the white-suited man's burden, he delivered the goods, and I'm wearing one of them now.' John indicates the ring on his finger. Some drunk people start cheering. ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["'Must be a proud moment for you,' says Nick."|ProudMoment]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "'Must be a proud moment for you,' says Nick.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " Something compels me to pick it up. — a glimmer of light, an opening, a way — ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[["I stand up."|AidensSpeech]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "I stand up.">><</silently>>

<<silently>><<set $newtext to " I've helped build communities, strong and happy communities, of people willing to learn from and respect each other. Over time, I've even become a pillar of those communities — someone others look up to, ">><</silently>>@@color:gray;$bodytext@@@@color:white;$newtext@@[[and look to for guidance.|SeekForGuidance]] <<scrolldown>> <<silently>><<set $bodytext to $bodytext + $newtext + "and look to for guidance.">><</silently>>

[img[Music Credits|music.png]]

<<button [["Credits"|Acknowledgements]]>><</button>><<if $masterAudioMuted is true>><<set $btntext to "Unmute Audio">><<else>><<set $btntext to "Mute Audio">><</if>><<button $btntext>><<set $masterAudioMuted to !$masterAudioMuted>><<if $masterAudioMuted is true>><<audio ":all" mute>><<set $btntext to "Unmute Audio">><<else>><<audio ":all" unmute>><<set $btntext to "Mute Audio">><</if>><<replace "#btn>button">>$btntext<</replace>><</button>>

The Best Man Written by Stephen Bond <a href="mailto:stephenbond27@protonmail.com"><stephenbond27@protonmail.com></a>. Music by various artists, sequenced by the author. (See full credits at the end of the game.) Twine by Chris Klimas. SugarCube 2.28.2 by Thomas Michael Edwards. Tested by Chris Conley. Thanks to the IFComp organizers, and to the people at infiction.org and the Twinery forum for their help. And thanks to Alex, who actually is the best.