Weird Grief

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<center><big><big>Weird Grief</big></big> written and programmed by [[Naomi Norbez|https://twitter.com/NaomiNorbez]] made in 3 days for [[IF Comp 2021.|https://ifcomp.org/]] support the creation of games like these on [[my Patreon|http://patreon.com/norbez/]]. Special thanks to my supporters: Some Strange Circus, Krakken Unleashed, Eli Berg-Mass, Rachel Furphy, Pseudavid, and Eliana. Content Warning: This game contains detailed discussion of grief, and adult content, including explicit sexual content. Please do not play this if you are under the age of 18. Thank you. [[Click here to begin the game.|feb3]]</center>

<big><big>[[February 3, 2033|2]]</big></big>

Roger had told me on the funeral invitation that fursuits were encouraged, and that as his and Mike’s partner, I was definitely allowed to wear one,. So I came in my partial, wearing my Siamese cat head, paws, and tail. Before I met Mike, I would have never dreamed wearing my suit out in public. But I guess he brought out something me--well, [[brought out something in everyone|3]], really. And today, we were celebrating that.

Though at first, I was worried that I'd be the only one. One random-ass toon Siamese cat in a crowd of mourners wearing black--that would be embarrassing. But when I reached the outdoor area, I saw tens of people also wearing their suits. [[And suddenly, I didn't feel so alone and weird anymore.|4]] I smiled, and approached the group.

"Hey, Juniper!" someone called out to me, waving his hooved hand. "Tyler!" I greeted him, coming in for a hug. I only ever saw the guy during furry conventions, so it was nice to be with my internet friend in person for the first time in quite a while. "How are you?" I asked. He shrugged, and tilted his head, his antlers swaying as he moved. "As well as I can be." He pointed to the front of the room, where an eagle I knew well was standing. "Roger's been managing people, though the guy looks pretty stressed. [[You should go say hello.|5]]" "I will," I said, nodding. "Thanks. It's good to see you." "You too!"

I weaved through the crowd--mostly furries were in attendance, though there were plenty of people without suits, in mourning attire--and reached Roger. He had turned around, and [[I tapped his shoulder with my paw.|6]]

The eagle glanced back, then turned toward me. "Juniper!" he exclaimed, giving me a great big hug. "Thank you for coming." "Of course," I said, hugging him back. I gave him a squeeze. "It's the least I can do." He released me, and the two of us stood there for a moment in awkward silence. Fuck. I was his and Mike's third--and now, Mike was gone. It felt like there was a gaping wound between us, and I wondered how on earth it would heal. "So," Roger finally said, scratching his head with his brown wing. "Um. Are you staying in town long?" I nodded. "I have a room at one of the local hotels." He tilted his head. "You know you can always stay over with me, Juniper. I don't mind." "I know," I said, sighing. "I just didn't want to burden you, after everything that's happened." "Well, you're not a burden," Roger said firmly. He reached out and took my hand. "You're my third. And we take care of each other, ok? So cancel that hotel and come over tonight." I nodded. Under my fursuit head, I was smiling, and a tear ran down my face. "Thank you, Roger. Thank you." "Of course. I--" "[[ROGER!|7]]"

A screaming voice interrupted our conversation, and we both turned to see someone I had only seen pictures of before. It was Mike's mother, and she looked mad as hell. Roger audibly gulped as she approached. "Mrs. Stanvinchi," he said calmly as the woman stopped in front of him. "How may I help you?" "'How may you help me'?!" she screeched. "For God's sake, Roger." She gestured to the furries around us. "Why are these people here?!" "These people are my and Mike's friends," he said calmly. "They're here to honor him with us, and--" "Roger, you tell all these silly animal people to get out, understand?!" Mike mother yelled. "This is a funeral, not a festival. Caroline is my daughter, and she shouldn't be demeaned like this, cremated like an animal and bringing these people here--" "Your SON wanted people to come to the funeral like this!" Roger yelled. He removed his eagle head, and I could see his face was filled with fury. "If you don't like it, Mrs. Stanvinchi, you're welcome to leave. Because this was your SON'S wishes!" Mike's mother's face blanched. "How. . . How dare you!" she exclaimed. "My daughter--Caroline--will not--" "[[Get the fuck out of here,|8]]" Roger snapped. "You're not welcome here anymore, do you understand?! So get out before I call the police."

Mrs. Stanvinchi's face turned red. I thought she was going to punch Roger in the face. But instead, much to my relief, she turned around and stomped off. We all watched her go to her car and drive away. Roger sighed. That's when he noticed everyone was staring at him, and he turned bright red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry for disrupting, everyone!" he exclaimed. "[[Let's all continue greeting each other, and soon, the funeral will begin.|9]]"

People did so, and I turned to Roger. What to say. . .? "[[You did well.|9well]]" "[[Maybe that was a little too far. . .|9far]]"

“You did well,” I told Roger, nodding in approval. He blushed. "Really? That's embarrassing to hear," he said awkwardly. "Well, it's true," I replied firmly. "If Mike's mother can't accept he's trans by now, she shouldn't be welcome here." He smiled, and put his fursuit head back on. "Thanks. It's good to know someone else feels the same way." He sighed. "I can't stand that woman. . ." I chuckled. "[[I don't blame you.|10]]"

"That might have been a little too much," I admitted to Roger. "She's grieving too, after all." He shrugged, and sighed. "I know. But if she can't accept that my spouse--her own son--was trans, then she can fuck off for all I care." He put his fursuit head back on. "This funeral is to honor Mike, after all." I nodded. "[[Fair enough.|10]]"

Roger shook his head and clapped his hands together. "Anyway, let's not worry about that!" he said cheerfully. "How about I lead you around the funeral, and you can meet some more people?" I smiled. "Sure!" And so, Roger led me from person to person, introducing me to everyone. A lot of the furries I already knew, but there were a few I hadn't met before. And each time, Roger introduced me as, "[[Juniper, Mike's and my partner, our third,|11]]" which made my heart swell with happiness each fucking time.

Finally, Roger told me to sit, and he went up to the front of the outdoor area. Clearing his throat at the microphone, he said, "If everyone could settle down, the funeral is about to begin." People quieted and found their seats. Once the crowd was silent, Roger began. "We are here to honor an extraordinary man," he said to everyone. "My husband, Mike Stanvinchi, was truly an incredible person. He was kind, generous, and thoughtful; he brought light to the people he met. He was. . ." I could tell Roger was crying at this point. "He was a rare gem." He cleared his throat. "So, I wanted to give you all the opportunity to share what Mike meant to you. [[Tell us how he touched your life.|12]] I know he certainly blessed my existence, and I want to hear your stories."

He stood back from the microphone, then sat down at the front row. I squirmed in my seat. Dare I. . .? [[(Go up and tell your story.)|12story]] [[(Stay seated.)|12seated]]

I took a deep breath, and then stood up from my seat, walking up to the microphone. Once I was on stage, I took a moment to look at the crowd--there were a lot of people here, holy shit, oh boy--then spoke. "I met Mike in college," I said, looking directly at Roger. It was easier to imagine I was just talking to him, and not a whole bunch of other mourners. "I went to the 'Pre-Meeting' of the Writing Club, and it was just me, him, and Professor Hartly. Mike told me I was talented, and said I should keep making stories. Nobody had ever really encouraged my writing up to that point, and that really touched me." I felt tears streaming down my face. "I kept going, and a week after Mike's accident, I finalized a book deal. I just wish he could have lived long enough to see it. And. . ." I sniffled. "S-Some of you may know that I’ve been involved with Mike and Roger. Romantically, as their third. So having him gone now is . . . it's really hard." I cleared my throat. "That’s all I had to say," I quietly told the crowd. With that, I went back to my seat, and [[waited|13]] for the next person to speak.

I shook my head. I had always been terrible at public speaking. And going up there, spilling my guts in front of everybody--even though I was surrounded by people I knew--made me nervous as hell. So I [[waited|13]] patiently for someone else to step up to the plate.

Finally, Mike's sister, Tammy (one of the few people not in a fursuit) stood up and went on stage, picking up the microphone. "Alright," she said, clearing her throat. "Let's do this. Um. My brother. He was. . ." She smiled. "He was one strong motherfucker, wasn't he?" The crowd laughed; some people (including me) cheered. Tammy's grin got wider. "Hell yeah!" she exclaimed. "My badger bro was an awesome person! Let's celebrate that today, alright?!" Everyone woo-hooed and hollered in agreement. Tammy laughed. "Great," she said. "[[So let me tell you about how awesome my brother was.|14]]"

And so, she told her story. And after that, another person went on stage, and told theirs. And then another person, and another, and another. Just tale after beautiful tale, all painting a picture of the wonderful, beautiful, trans badger we knew. It seemed to go on for hours, and each story gave us a new side of Mike. The Mike that went to volunteer at the local shelter for queer youth. The Mike who belly-laughed so hard during an gaming session of Apex Legends, he accidently pressed the grapple button and flew across the map. The Mike who was always there to comfort those who needed it, and hugged people as long as the needed to be hugged. The Mike who agreed to babysit a child when their parents had an emergency came up, and the parents returned home to see Mike showing the kid his fursuit and making goofy faces that made the kid laugh. All of these stories were Mike. And by telling them, we honored his spirit, in our own small way, at least. I felt his presence with each new tale, and though tears were running down my face, [[my heart felt comforted and warm.|15]]

When it was over, Roger went up on stage. "Alright," he said. "Let's go eat, shall we?" And so, we relocated to The Parakeet Pub, Mike and Roger's favorite bar, Roger brought Mike's ashes (which were in a wooden container with badgers carved on them [he had commissioned it from Greta, one of our fellow furry friends]) with us, and we all sat around the pub, laughing and chatting the day away. Honestly, the pub was all a blur. The only thing I really remember is that the owner, Steve, told Roger that all our food was on the house, in honor of Mike. Oh, and that plenty of kids ran up to those in their fursuits (including me, haha!) to ask about them and just be their generally cute selves. [[It was nice.|16]]

When it was over, I went back to the hotel, checked out, and came to Roger's house. Tyler and Tammy were also there, it turned out, though both were away at the moment. "Where do you want me to sleep?" I asked Roger. "The guest rooms are taken, right?" Roger fidgeted for a moment, then said, "Um, if you're ok with it, [[you could sleep in my room, if you want?|17]]"

I was momentarily taken aback--it wasn't like Roger to be this forward. But then, I nodded, smiling. "Alright. I can do that." I put my stuff in his bedroom, whistling to myself as I put down my luggage. I had found a place that made pumpkin pancake batter in bulk--and Roger LOVED pumpkin pancakes. Maybe now that I was here, I could actually make them for him, instead of just giving him the batter. . . That was a good idea. I turned around, and saw Roger was closing the door. He removed his fursuit and sat down on the bed. I did the same, and went next to him. "Today was good," he said quietly. "Today was . . . nice." I nodded. "Yeah, it was." Roger didn't speak for a long moment. Then, his turned to me with a smile. "[[I think we both could use a moment to escape,|18]]" he said. "You want to. . .?" I nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I definitely do."

The man smiled. "Tell me if I do something you don't like, ok?" "Of course." Roger leaned forward, and put his hand in my pants, pressing his finger against my clit through my underwear. I close my eyes, leaning back and loving his touch. Fuck, it felt like ages since we'd done this. "Good?" Roger asked. "Yes," I replied. "Keep going." He did, bringing a few more fingers in the mix. He rubbed my clit in gentle circles, and I gasped, leaning into it [[and--|19]]

[[Mike|20]] pressed his big hand against my clitoris and smiled. "Good girl," he purred. "Such a good girl you are. . ."

I let out a pained gasp as the memory unexpectedly flooded into me. Roger looked at me, concerned. "Are you ok?" he asked, immediately removing his hand. "What's wrong?" "I. . ." I swallowed hard. Then, tears ran down my face. "I-I just thought about Mike, a-and. . . Fuck." Roger put his arm around me, holding me tight. "[[It's ok, baby. It's ok.|21]]"

"He was just so . . . god." I sniffed and wiped my nose. "Do you mind if I talk about it? I don't want to ruin the moment, I just . . . fuck." "Go ahead," Roger reassured me, gently running his fingers through my hair. "I completely understand. Go on." "Thanks." I took a deep breath, and then, the words tumbled out of me, unbidden, unrelenting. "He just encouraged me to write and told me to take my time exploring myself and FUCK." I felt more tears running down my face. "And when he told me that you and him were interested in being with me--me!--I just about fucking lost it, because I thought I wasn't worth loving at that point in my life. . .!" Roger gave me a squeeze. I continued. "A-And I miss the little things, like when he would call me a good kitty, or put his arm around me and gently tug my day collar, and. . . Fuck me." Now I was sobbing. "[[I just wish he was here,|22]]" I managed to choke out between bouts of tears.

"I wish that too," Roger whispered. I turned to him, and saw he was crying now, too. He leaned forward, and gently kissed my forehead. "I understand, kitty cat. I understand." I nodded, unsure what to say. We both lay there for a long moment, just . . . together. Together, but so, so lonely, longing for him in ways we were just now starting to grasp. I turned to Roger. I could see that we both still needed to escape. And perhaps tonight, we could escape in each other. [[Lord knows we deserved that much.|23]]

I wiped my eyes, and then. . . [[. . . I leaned in for a kiss.|23kiss]] [[. . . I asked to suck his cock.|23cock]]

I leaned in for a kiss, and Roger accepted, putting his hand under my chin as he pulled me in. For a long moment, nothing else mattered but our thirst for each other, a longing sensation that took over us completely, passion unrelenting and burning bright. Desperately, as if this would be our last time, we kissed each other, and I brought my lips down to Roger's neck, biting gently. He let out happy moans as I gave him hickeys, and god damn did I miss those little sounds he made. [[It had been a good while since I heard him like this, and I needed it so fucking bad.|24]] Finally, we parted, panting and catching our breath. "God," Roger gasped. "I needed that." "Me too," I admitted.

"C-Could I please suck your cock?" I asked Roger. He looked surprised for a moment, but then, he smiled. "Why of course, my kitty cat," he said gently, petting my head one last time, then pulling down his pants and underwear, spreading his legs. "Go ahead." I smiled and went down to his member, studying it for just a moment. I had done this before, many times, but I wanted to give him something special this time around. So I didn't waste any time. I took the tip of his penis into my lips, and then went all in, shoving the whole thing inside of my mouth. "[[Je-sus!|23cock1]]" Roger exclaimed, grinning. "You know exactly what you want, don't you, kitty?"

He put his arm around me and held me in a tight snuggle, petting my hair. I put my head on his chest and let myself relax, loving the moment more than anything. I still felt lonely--it felt weird to have aftercare without Mike present--but I felt a little bit better, at least. "Good girl," Roger praised me. "Such a good girl you are. . . My little kitty cat." I smiled. "Thanks." "[[Of course, my pet.|feb4]]"

Double-click this passage to edit it.aI smiled, but didn't answer--my mouth was a little full, after all. So I showed my love with actions, not words, and slid my lips up and down his member as I took it in and out of my mouth. I felt precum drip down my throat--that was a good sign--and kept going, changing up my rhythm and increasing the intensity. Roger reached down and grabbed my hair with his fist, letting out passionate cries as I orally fucked him. "Good kitty," he gasped. "I-I'm almost there. . .!" And then, it happened. He orgasmed, semen squirting from his cock and landing right on my tongue. I happily gulped it down, and then looked up at Roger with a smile, releasing his dick. "Good?" I asked him. Roger smiled. "[[So good,|24]]" he said, patting the place next to him on the bed. "Come here." I did so.

<big><big>[[February 4, 2033|25]]</big></big>

The next morning, I woke up with Roger's arm wrapped around me. He snored gently, his mouth slightly open and drooling on the pillow. I watched him for a moment, resisting the urge to reach over the tussle his golden-brown hair. Then, I gently sat up and slipped out of the bed. I changed out of my nightgown and into some casual clothes: specifically, a T-shirt that read "Cats Against Catcalls" and some skinny jeans. After that, [[I got the pumpkin pancake batter from my luggage, and went downstairs.|26]]

Tammy was in the kitchen, typing something on her phone. When I came in, she looked up, and gave me a smile. "Hey there," she said. "You're up early." I glanced at the clock. It was only 7am. "So are you," I teased her. She laughed. "Guilty as charged." Then she noticed the bag of batter, and asked, "Is that for Roger?" I nodded. "Yeah, I found a place that sells it. Figured I could make some for him before he wakes up. . ." Tammy's eyes lit up. "That's a great idea!" She typed something else on her phone, then put it in her pocket. "[[I'll help. Let's do this shit.|27]]"

And so, the two of us ended up over the stove, making pancakes together. There was something nice about the process, ritualistic, even. The repetition relaxed me, and I smiled, whistling quietly as we prepared the food together. It wasn't until we were almost done that Tammy spoke. ". . . I spoke to Roger last night," she said softly as I flipped over the last pancake. "We were both up late, and ended up chatting." "How is he?" I asked. Tammy shrugged. "He's about what you'd expect," she replied. "Not doing great, considering the circumstances." She turned to me. "I'm only telling you this because I know how close you two are." I nodded. "Yeah. I understand." "Good. Thanks." She sighed. "I told him that if he starts going downhill, he needs to call a hotline immediately. [[Can't let that shit fester, or it'll eat you alive.|28]]" "I get that," I agreed.

There was a brief moment of silence. I finished the last pancake, and put in on the plate. "Now that Mike is gone [[. . . you're the only other partner he has left,|29]]" Tammy told me. There was a gentle firmness to her voice. "You know that, right?"

I took a deep breath. "I . . . hadn't really considered that," I admitted to her. "But you're right. You're absolutely right." Tammy nodded. "You're good to him," she said, putting a few of the pancakes aside, and putting the rest in plastic wrap. "[[Just stay close to Roger, ok?|30]]" "Of course."

She put the pancakes in the freezer, then froze for a minute. "Wait . . . does Roger even have syrup?" "Shit, I didn't think of that," I realized, chuckling. "Want to go run to the store and get some?" Tammy smiled. "Yeah. "[[Let's do it.|31]]"

We walked down the street to the grocery, bought the syrup, and then walked back. When we arrived, Tyler was sitting at the kitchen table, fidgeting with his cell. "Hey!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "Where were y'all?" "Just running an errand," Tammy replied, holding up the grocery bag. "Roger still asleep?" Tyler nodded. "Yeah. I checked up on the guy earlier; he's still snoozing. [[My guess is that he won't be up until the afternoon.|32]]"

“Yeah, he told me he’s been sleeping in recently,” Tammy noted. Now that she mentioned it, I remembered Roger telling me something similar. . . “Why don’t we all go out and get some food so lunch will be ready when he wakes up?” “That’s a good idea,” I said, smiling. “Yeah!” Tyler exclaimed cheerfully. “[[Let’s go!|33]]”

And that’s how the three of us ended up at Burger King, ordering their “family pack” of four chicken sandwiches, fries, and drinks. I filled Roger’s cup with Diet Coke (his favorite) and then, we made our way back to his house. The three of us sat in the kitchen together, eating quietly, munching on our sandwiches and sipping our drinks. [[Roger was still snoring away upstairs.|34]]

“The funeral yesterday was nice,” Tammy finally said, breaking the silence. “It was,” I agreed. “Mike really touched a lot of lives, didn’t he?” Tammy nodded, smiling. “My bro really was an extraordinary person. . . I’m going to miss him a lot.” She sighed, then said, “Shame that our mom made such a scene at the funeral. . . Honestly, fuck her.” “Yeah, that was pretty rude of her,” Tyler added. “Agreed,” I replied. “I mean, she’s grieving too, but she shouldn’t have yelled at Roger like that. That was uncalled for.” “Yep.” Tammy shook her head. “That’s just what she’s like, though. Her way or the highway. At least she left without a fight.” “[[Yeah.|35]]”

We all heard the snoring stop upstairs. “Sounds like Sleeping Beauty is awake,” Tyler teased. I chuckled. “Why do you always call Roger that?” “What? He likes it,” my friend replied, grinning. “Sure, sure.” We heard footsteps coming down the steps, and soon, Roger appeared in the kitchen. Honestly, he looked like total shit--his hair was a mess, and for the first time, I noticed how deep the bags under his eyes were. “[[Having a party without me?|36]]” he asked us. Tammy pulled a chicken sandwich out of the Burger King bag. “Sure are,” she joked. “Want to join us? We’re having the best party ever down here.” Roger laughed. “Sure, why the hell not?”

He sat down and starting eating his sandwich. By now, the three of us had finished eating, and were just sipping our drinks. There was [[a brief pause|37]] as all of us (I imagined) tried to think about what to talk about.

As usual, Tammy was the one to break the ice. “So, I’m off work until February 9th,” she told us. “So I can hang around here for 5 more days to help with whatever you need, Roger. Ok?” “Yeah, I took some time off, too,” Tyler said “So I can say until then.” “Same here,” I added. Roger put down his sandwich, and I could see he was tearing up a bit. “You all didn’t have to do that,” he said quietly. “Well, we did,” Tammy teased, putting an arm around him. “[[We’re here for you right now, ok? So let us help you in any way we can.|38]]”

Roger nodded. “Thank you. I appreciate that a lot.” “Anytime,” I said, reaching out and taking his hand. “We’ve got you.” He smiled, and I smiled back. [[I was glad I could make the person I loved happy.|39]]

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. We went out for fast food again later that night, choosing McDonald’s this time, and after eating at home, we all went to bed. Roger fell asleep basically immediately, and I snuggled next to him, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. I smiled and closed my eyes. [[Soon, I was asleep, too.|feb5]]

<big><big>[[February 5, 2033|40]]</big></big>

The next day, I realized when I woke up, was the day the trash people came by to get Roger’s bins. I jumped out of bed and quickly gathered the garbage from around the house, put it in the can, and put the can to the curb. Crisis averted, and I knew that if I could help Roger with the little things right now, the things that were put by the wayside due to the loss of Mike, maybe he could heal in peace. After washing my hands, I went back to the bedroom, and was surprised to see Roger sitting up. “You awake?” I asked him, sitting next to the guy and taking his hand. That’s when I saw the troubled look on his face. “[[Are you ok?|41]]”

He shrugged, not saying anything for a long moment. I waited patiently for him to respond. There was no rush, after all. Finally, he took a deep breath, and said, “I just . . . had a [[weird dream|42]], I guess.”

“What kind of dream?” I asked him. He shrugged again. “You and Mike were there,” he admitted. “We were . . . having some fun together, then snuggling in the covers. Mike’s arm was around me; he was holding me close. Then I woke up, and realized he wasn’t there, and I. . .!” Tears trickled down his cheek, and he started [[sobbing|43]]. I put my arms around him, not saying anything as he cried into my shirt. We stayed like that for a long time.

Finally, he sat back up, sniffling, and cleared his throat. “I just miss him,” he said softly. “[[And I miss the three of us, beautifully together, beautifully one. Now that he’s gone, it’s just us two. And I wish he was still here.|44]]” I nodded. “I miss that too,” I admitted. “I really do.

There was a brief moment of silence. Then, Roger sighed. “Even though it makes no sense, I just want to fuck you right now,” he admitted. “Is that weird?” “Eh, not really,” I reassured him. “You’ve been through a lot lately, so it makes sense.” “Thanks.” He fidgeted for a moment, his fingers tapping anxiously together, and then asked, “Then, in that case . . . could we have some fun, just the two of us?” I thought for a minute, then replied. . . “[[Sure.|44sure]]” “[[Let's not.|44letsnot]]’

I smiled. “Sure. Go right ahead,” I purred, standing up and stripping down. “I’m ready for you.” Roger grinned, and also took off his clothing, closing and locking the door. “Good girl,” he praised me. “Such a good kitty. . . This is going to be excellent.” I lay down on the bed with my legs spread out, and he went in front of me. “Alright cat, you know the rules,” he said. “Stoplight system. And if I do something you don’t like, tell me, ok?” I nodded. “Yes, master,” I said. “I understand.” Roger smiled, and brought his hand gently against my cheek. “Such a good girl you are. . . [[I think you’ve earned yourself a good time.|44sure1]]”

Let’s not: I shook my head. “I . . . don’t want either of us to do anything we’ll regret,” I admitted. “We’re both very emotionally fragile right now. So let’s not, ok?” Roger nodded, and gently kissed my forehead. “Of course, babe. I understand. You’re right.” He came next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. [[For a long moment, neither of us spoke.|45]]

After putting on a condom from one of the dresser drawers, he came forward, and placed the tip of his cock against my vulva. A moment later, he penetrated, slipping inside of me with a low moan. At the same time, he reached out with both hands and gently grabbed my breasts, squeezing them with his fingers. I couldn’t hold back a cry of my own, and my [[arousal|44sure2]] grew and grew with each passing second. . .

Soon, all of his penis was inside of me, and then, he fucked me: it was slow, steady, rhythmic, not at all like Mike’s rough pounding. But that was how Roger was, and right now, it was just what I needed. He squished my breasts harder as he came in and out, and I screamed with pleasure. I could tell from the look on his face that he was almost there, and I was getting close too. . . Finally, it happened: Roger climaxed with a loud shout, and a look of pleasure came over his face. A moment later, I orgasmed too, my body shaking as I came in one, beautiful moment. We both paused, catching our breath after such an amazing experience. Roger removed himself from inside of me and disposed of the condom. “Good?” he asked. I nodded. “[[I needed that,|44sure3]]” I admitted. He nodded. “I think we both did, honestly. . .”

Roger finally broke the silence. “I think . . . it’s the little things that I miss about him the most,” he said quietly. “The way he would smile and only one side of his face had a dimple. The way he would make kids and adults laugh. The way he would encourage me to make friends and march up to strangers at furry conventions to compliment their suits.” He sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I just feel so lost in this haze of grief. . . And it feels like there’s no way out.” I reached down and took his hand. “Well, I’m there with you, babe,” I told him firmly. “[[If we’re going to be lost, at least we’re lost together.|46]]” Roger smiled. “Thanks, Juniper. That actually makes me feel a bit better.” I nodded. “I’m glad to hear that.”

We exchanged a knowing look. Then, we both found ourselves laughing, and Roger snuggled next to me, putting his arm around my shoulders. [[For a long moment, neither of us spoke.|45]]

“I’m glad you met Mike,” he said abruptly. “I’m so glad you met him at that random-ass Writing Club meeting back in college. Everything just feel into place for you to be a crucial part of my life. . . And I’m glad you’re here.” Fuck, that made me blush--Roger didn’t usually have that affect on me, but here we were. “Thank you,” I said, putting my head on his shoulder. “[[I’m glad I’m here with you, too.|47]]”

We lay there together, quiet for a long while. Then we went back to sleep, and didn’t wake up until the afternoon. By then, Tammy had bought food, and we sat around the table together, eating. Then Roger and I returned to the bedroom. Both of us were still in a trance-like state, and we sat down on the bed in silence. After what felt like an hour (but was probably about ten minutes, in reality) we changed into our nightgowns, and [[went to sleep.|feb6]]

<big><big>[[February 6, 2033|48]]</big></big>

I groaned, feeling groggy, and turned over. Roger was still asleep, and I slipped out of bed. After a quick shower (did I forget to shower the other day? I think I did. . .) I changed into some casual clothes (this time I wore a stripped sleeveless shirt and ripped jeans) and went to the kitchen. [[The day was a blur.|49]] Tammy wanted to make more meals for Roger to go with the pancakes, so she, Tyler, and I went shopping for ingredients. When we got home, we cooked like crazy, and made a bunch of different breakfast/brunch foods for the grieving spouse. Before we knew it, it was nighttime.

Roger didn’t get out of bed until around 4pm, and that’s when we ate dinner, picking up some KFC this time. We sat around the table in relative silence, crunching on some crispy chicken and slurping down macaroni. “Alright,” Tammy said when she was done eating. “I’m pretty exhausted, so I’m gonna hit the hay, ok? Goodnight!” “Night!” I said to her. “Sleep well!” Tyler replied cheerfully. “Thanks, sis,’ Roger told her. Tammy nodded, and then, she went over to the guest room. The moment her door closed, [[Tyler turned to us with a knowing smirk.|50]]

“So . . . I’ve noticed that y’all are having quite the good time recently,” he teased me and Roger, winking. Roger turned bright red. “H-How do you know about that?” he squeaked. “’Cause I’m right next to y’all’s room, and I got ears,” Tyler replied, chuckling. That made Roger turn redder, and Tyler quickly raised his hands in surrender. “Relax, it’s totally cool. Actually . . . I was wondering if you both wanted me involved tonight. [[I know we’ve all slept with each other before, and I know you can use the escape, Roger.|51]]”

Roger and I exchanged a look, and he shrugged. “I don’t mind it if Juniper doesn’t mind it,” he told Tyler. Turning to me, he said, “Juniper, what do you think? Your call.” I thought for a minute, and said. . . “[[Sure, Tyler can join us tonight.|51tylery]]” “[[I’d rather if it was just the two of us.|51tylern]]”

I nodded. “You can join in tonight,” I agreed, taking Roger’s hand under the table. “That’s perfectly fine. Come have some fun with us.” “With pleasure,” our friend said, grinning. And that’s how the three of us ended up in the bedroom together (after we finished eating, of course). Tyler went on Roger’s right, and I went on Roger’s left. “[[Tell me what you need from us,|51tylery1]]” Tyler said soothingly to Roger. “How can we help you through tonight?”

I shook my head. “Sorry, Tyler,” I said, trying to be as gentle as possible. “I’d really rather if it was just me and Roger. . . I hope you understand.” “Hey, I get it,” Tyler said. He didn’t sound like he had any ill will, which was a relief. “[[You’re the third, after all, so you got priority.|51tylern1]] No worries--I just figured I’d ask.” I nodded. “Cool.”

Roger thought quietly for a moment. Then, he said, “I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve just needed to escape so I’ve been doing so with Juniper and I feel so BAD about needing that.” He sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know.” “There’s nothing bad about wanting out of a bad situation,” Tyler reassured him. “[[We all have our outlets of escapism. This is yours. And we want to help you escape, too.|51tylery2]]”

“Yeah,” I agreed, putting an arm around Roger. “We’re here for you, ok?” Roger nodded. “Thank you. Thank you both. I’m just so . . . ugh.” He sighed. “I just thought I’d be stronger than this. I don’t know.” “You’re going through a lot right now,” I reminded him. “Take it easy on yourself, ok? You don’t have to be ‘strong’; you don’t have to be anything. [[Just being here, with us, is good enough.|51tylery3]]” Roger smiled. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“Anytime,” Tyler said. He reached out, took Roger’s hand, and kissed it. “Now, back to the original question: how can we help you through tonight?” Roger thought for a minute. I noticed he was blushing, so I had a good idea of what he was probably going to ask. Finally, he spoke, and said to Tyler, “I-If I could suck your cock while you call me a ‘good boy; . . . I’d really like that.” He sighed, and his face turned redder. “Sorry, I just need to escape right now. . . Is that ok?” Tyler smiled. “Why of course, my gorgeous boy,” he replied, taking off his pants and underwear. “[[Anything for you.|51tylery4]]”

He leaned in to kiss Roger, and Roger accepted: I watched as the two came together hungrily, with desperation I recognized all too well. It was good to see Roger getting into it, finding an outlet, and it was an honor to provide him with that space. I couldn’t help but smile. Finally, the two men released each other, and Tyler put a hand on top of Roger’s head. With a gentle push, he navigate Roger’s face toward the tip of his cock. “Alright, my good boy,” he said. “[[Get to work.|51tylery5]]”

Roger complied immediately. He came forward and planted gentle kisses on Tyler’s shaft, making the other man let out little moans of pleasure. I couldn’t help myself: I reached into my pants and started masturbating at the sight. Tyler smirked when he saw this. “Like what you see?” he teased me. “Looks like my good boy has an audience. . . And what a pleased audience they are indeed. . .” I smiled, happy Tyler had used my second set of pronouns, and watched as Roger continued. He continued to kiss the penis, and then, he ran his tongue across it, going up and down the member with gusto. Tyler let out happy little sounds, and he reached down, putting his hand on Roger’s head. “Good . . . boy!” Tyler managed to gasp. “[[Keep . . . going!|51tylery6]]”

As for me, I continued to masturbate, completely mesmerized by the sight in front of me. It had been a while since Tyler and Roger fucked, and I had forgotten how good it could be. I brought myself closer and closer to orgasm, rubbing my clit and letting out quiet moans. Roger then took Tyler’s cock into his mouth, deep-throating the member in one smooth motion. Tyler smiled. “Such a good boy,” he said, petting Roger’s head. “I got a good boy sucking me off, and a kitty cat watching it all. . . Ah, it’s a good night.” I blushed and smiled, happy that I was pleasing him. Roger continued the blowjob, going up and down the large shaft, and it was clear Tyler was almost there. I was just about to reach it, too. . .! And then it happened. I [[came in one glorious moment|51tylery7]], climaxing right in my underwear with a loud shout. A moment later, Tyler orgasmed as well, shouting loudly as he did so. Roger smirked, and there was an audible gulp as he swallowed Tyler’s semen.

Then, he let go of the man’s dick, and went back between me and Tyler. Tyler smiled and pet Roger’s head. “Good boy,” he praised him. “Such a good boy you are. . . You certainly made me happy tonight.” Roger beamed. “Thank you.” The three of us snuggled under the covers together. Eventually, Tyler returned to his room, and then, Roger and I changed into our night clothes, and [[fell fast asleep|feb7]]

<big><big>[[February 7, 2033|52]]</big></big>

I woke up to rustling sounds, and turned to see Roger getting out of bed. “You’re leaving already?” I sleepily murmured. Checking the time, I noted, “It’s only 9:30. . .” “I have a therapy appointment in an hour,” Roger replied. “Oh yeah--Dr. Janet,” I remembered. “[[Hope it goes well, babe. I’ll tell Tammy and Tyler where you went, if they ask.|53]]” “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

We finished the rest of our meals in relative silence, and then went our separate ways. I followed Roger to the bedroom, and Tyler went back to the guest room. When Roger and I sat down on the bed, there was [[a brief moment of quiet between us.|51tylern2]]

Finally, Roger spoke. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. I turned to him with a confused frown. “For what?” I asked. “For being so needy,” he replied. He sighed, burying his face in his hands. “I’m sorry that I’ve been wanting so much sex because I really NEED a way out, but I feel bad because I need it, and UGH. Fuck.” He shook his head. “I’m just sorry for everything.” “You don’t need to apologize,” I told him firmly. “[[It’s ok to need an escape, especially right now.|51tylern3]]” I reached over and took his hand, squeezing it. “And I want this too, Roger. You have nothing to apologize for, ok?” He nodded. “Ok. Sure doesn’t feel like it. But I’ll try to remember that.” “Good,” I said, smiling. “Please do.”

There was a pause. Then, I hesitantly asked him. “Are you feeling guilty because there was something you wanted to do tonight?” Roger glanced over at me, then admitted, “Yeah. . .” “Well, what did you want to do?” I asked. He sighed, then told me, blurting out the words, “I. . . I really want you to pet my head and call me a good boy.” He turned to me. “And then we can see where the night takes us. . .” I smiled. “[[Well, I’m up for that. Does that sound good to you?|51tylern4]]”

Roger nodded, and I put my other arm (the one not holding his hand) around him, stroking his golden-brown hair. “You’re such a good boy,” I praised him. “You’ve been going through so much lately, and I’m just so proud of you, for so many reasons.” I could see tears trickling down Roger’s cheeks. “Such a good boy. The best boy.” Roger blushed and smiled. Then, he turned to me, face still red, and asked quietly, “May I . . . suck your tits?” I grinned. “Of course, my good boy.” I took off my shirt and bra, exposing myself to him. “[[Go right ahead.|51tylern5]]” He went In front of me and rested his head between my breasts for a moment, letting out a happy sigh. Then, he began.

Roger started by planting gentle kisses around my left nipple, before coming in with his lips and sucking gently. I smiled at the sensations going through my body, and leaned against the bedframe, enjoying the moment immensely. “Good boy,” I praised him. “Keep going. . .” And so, he did. He sucked harder on my nipple and added his teeth into the mix, applying a gentle pressure that was just right. Then he switched to my right side and did the same thing. We stayed like this for along moment, wit him sucking my boobs. Then, finally, [[he released me|51tylern6]], and came to my side.

Roger sighed. “I feel. . . A bit better now,” he admitted. “Let’s go to bed.” I nodded. “Sounds good.” I gently kissed him on the cheek. “I’m glad I could help you feel better, my good boy.” He smiled. “Thanks.” And so the two of us changed into our nightgowns, and [[went to sleep.|feb7]]

I turned over and went back to sleep. When I woke up, Roger was gone, and it was almost 11am. I showered, changed clothes (just a plain white button-down and khakis) then [[ventured into the kitchen.|54]]

Tammy was making more meals. I went next to her. “Need help?” I asked. “Absolutely,” she replied. “Can you chop up that for me?” She pointed to the cutting board, where an onion lay, and I quickly complied, peeling the vegetable. “Roger still sleeping?” she asked. “Roger went to therapy today,” I informed her. “Though I think he should’ve been back by now. . .” “I’ll give him a call when I get a chance,” Tammy said. “Which will be once we throw this in the oven.” And so, the two of us cooked together. When Tyler entered the room, he joined in, and soon, the food was in the oven, where it belonged. [[By now, it was almost noon.|55]]

After washing her hands, Tammy took her phone from her pocket and dialed Roger’s number. She put the phone on speaker, and all of us listened intensely as it rang. One ring, then another, then another, then-- “Hello?” Roger’s voice crackled over the speakers. [[It sounded like he had been crying. . .|56]]

“Hey bud!” Tammy called into the phone. “Juniper told me you went to therapy, so we’re all just checking in on you. Everything ok?” Roger sniffled. “Not. . . Not really. I want to go home but I don’t have the strength and I’m just so DEPRESSED.” Now he was definitely sobbing. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stay out so late and worry you. . .” “It’s ok,” Tammy said firmly. “Just tell us where you are, and we can come get you. If I remember right, your therapy place is somewhere in town, right?” “Yeah,” Roger replied. He blew his nose, then said, “I stopped at the Dunkin’ Donuts near my appointment so I could get a snack, but I’ve just been sitting in the parking lot. Could you all walk over here?” “Of course. Give us a few minutes to get ready, and we’ll be right over,” Tyler said. “We’ll be there soon,” I added. “Thank you,” Roger replied. “[[I’ll see you all soon. Bye.|57]]” Tammy hung up the phone. After grabbing our things, we headed out the door.

The Dunkin’ Donuts was just a 20 minute walk from the house, and we reached it pretty quickly. I easily recognized Roger’s car: it was a sea green Sudan with a “Trans Rights” bumper sticker on the back. Tammy walked up to the driver’s side and knocked on the window. Roger looked up, and unlocked the car. [[We all went inside: Tammy go the front passenger seat, while Tyler and I went in the back.|58]]

“How are you feeling?” Tammy asked gently. “Not great,” Roger admitted. “I was talking to my therapist, but I’ve been getting these . . . these suicidal thoughts since Mike died.” He laughed half-heartedly. “Part of me wanted to go find a cliff and drive my car right off it. . . Fuck.” “I’m so sorry, Roger,” Tammy said. “Your brain spewing bullshit like that, now of all times--you deserve to live, understand? And we’re glad you’re here.” Roger nodded. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.” [[Tammy wrapped her arms around him from the front, and Tyler and I joined in the group hug as best we could from the back, reaching out and putting our arms around Roger’s shoulders.|59]] “We’re here for you, buddy,” Tyler said soothingly. “One-hundred percent,” I added.

We held that hug for a long time. When we let go, Roger looked a little bit better, at least. But I knew from experience that this battle was far from over--and we would have to stay with him consistently to help our friend. “[[What do you need from us?|60]]” I asked him.

Roger thought for a minute, then said, “If one of you could drive this car home for me, that would be great? I just want to go home and lie down. We can pick up some food on the way though.” “I’ll drive,” Tyler offered. “What food do you want?” Roger laughed. “I’m kinda craving Taco Bell, if I’m being honest. . . Really want a burrito.” “Then Taco Bell it is,” Tammy said. “Let’s go.” Roger and Tyler swapped seats, and we went to the Taco Bell’s drive-through for lunch/early dinner. The whole time, I put my arm around my boyfriend and held him, watching his reactions. He looked a little bit better now, at the very least, which was good. [[I hoped he could stay happy for just a little bit longer--he deserved that much.|61]]

Finally, we got home and ate our food. After that, Roger went back to bed, and Tammy, Tyler, and I resumed cooking. We didn’t stop until almost 7pm, but I made sure to check in with Roger every hour or so. He was just laying down, and told me he was doing “fine” each time. But still, it never hurt to check. Once we were done cooking for the day, I went to bed, changing into my nightgown and getting under the covers next to Roger. [[By now, he was sound asleep, and I closed my eyes, wondering what tomorrow might bring.|feb8]]

<big><big>[[February 8, 2033|62]]</big></big>

I dreamed Mike, in little moments that were burned into my brain. Him running his hand through my hair, stroking my chest, squeezing my breasts, running his thick fingers down my arm. I woke up in a cold sweat multiple times that night, and each time, it got harder and harder to get back to sleep. [[But I managed to make it through, somehow.|63]]

The next day was Saturday, and it went down pretty similarly to the day before, excluding Roger’s breakdown, of course. Tammy, Tyler, and I prepared more meals for our friend, and got lunch and dinner out. [[Today, we choose Chinese food from a nearby place called The Big Wing Wah, and so we chowed down on sesamae chicken, egg drop soup, and spicy pork.|64]]

As we ate dinner, Roger broke the silence. “You’re all . . . leaving tomorrow, right?” he asked. Tammy nodded. “Yep. They’re expecting me back at work on Monday.” “Same here,” Tyler replied. “Yeah, I’m in the same boat,” I told Roger. “So I’m going back Sunday to get back to work tomorrow.” Roger nodded. “[[Ok|65]].” He didn’t say anything more than that.

Later, when the two of us were in bed, Roger told me, “[[I wish you all didn’t have to go.|66]]” “I wish we could all stay too,” I told him gently. “I’m sorry.”

He sighed and spooned me, wrapping his soft, warm arms around my body. “[[Let’s just savor this moment while we can, ok?|67]]” “Yeah.” But even as I lay there, the memory of Mike washed over me, and I sighed, cuddling with Roger. Now was not the time to grieve--not when I was just about to leave. I whispered a prayer to whatever god was out there, asking for a peaceful night.

And so we lay there together, and eventually [[fell asleep.|feb9]]

The next morning, Tammy and Tyler packed up their things, and left. Roger and I saw them off. Tammy gave Roger a big hug and said, “Call me if you need me, ok bro?” “Of course,” Roger replied. “I will.” Tyler hugged him next. “Stay safe, alright?” he told the grieving man. “We all love you so fucking much.” A tear trickled down Roger’s cheek. “Thank you,” he said softly. “That means a lot to me.” With that, they started their walk to the train station nearby, which would take them to the airport. [[And just like that, it was just me and Roger.|69]]

<big><big>[[February 9, 2033|68]]</big></big>

“I guess I’ll see you later,” I said, giving him a smile as I tapped on my phone, getting an Uber to take me back to New York. I had already packed up al of my things, and was currently holding my luggage bag. “Call me next time you’re in the area, ok?” He nodded, but I could tell something was on his mind, so I waited patiently for him to speak. Finally, my boyfriend said quietly, “I wish you didn’t have to go.” I nodded. “Me too,” I admitted. “I want to stay for a bit longer.” That made him perk up, and he smiled. “Thanks,” he said quietly. “I’m just . . . so lonely right now. I wish that you could. . .” Then, his eyes lit up. “[[I just got . . . an idea?|70]]” he told me, sounding cautious. “Oh?” I asked. “What’s up?”

He ran a hand through his blond-brown hair, then then blurted out, “[[Do you want to . . . move in with me?|71]]” I hadn’t been expecting that. As I took in the question, he continued, “I-I’m not saying it’s something you have to do immediately or anything. But it would be nice to have you around, especially right now. And Mike and I had been talking about asking you if you wanted to move in--before he died, of course."

“You’re a special person, Juniper, to us--to me,” Roger told me. “So . . . would you like to live together?” I thought about it for a long moment. What should I do. . .? “[[Ok, I’ll move in with you.|71movey]]” “[[No, I can’t move in with you right now.|71moven]]” “[[Let me think about it.|71movethink]]”

“Ok,” I agreed, nodding. “I’ll have to stay until the end of my monthly lease, of course. But once that’s done, I can move in with you.” Roger’s eyes lit up. “Great. That sounds wonderful!” he said cheerfully, smiling. “[[Thanks, Juniper. You won’t regret this.|72]]” I grinned, already excited. “Thank you too.”

I shook my head. “I’m sorry,”” I told Roger. “Things are just a little difficult right now[[. . . I don’t think I can live with you right now.|72]]” He nodded, looking disappointed. “Don’t worry, I understand,’ he said sadly. “This place has a lot of memories of Mike, after all. I get it.” I nodded. “Thanks.”

I scratched my chin. “[[Let me think about it,|72]]” I told Mike. “I’ll have to talk to my landlord about the monthly lease and get my things in order. I’ll get back to you with an answer soon, though.” Roger nodded. “That’s fair. Sounds good to me.”

Roger cleared his throat. “I know you need to head home now, so I’ll let you go,” he said. “But . . . thanks for staying with me. Let’s see each other again soon, ok?” “Of course,” I replied. I came forward and kissed him on the forehead. “We’ll meet up again soon, Roger. [[I love you.|73]]” He blushed, and turned away, smiling. “I love you too, Juniper. Thank you.”

A car pulled up to the curb: I checked the Uber app, and the license plate matched perfectly. “That’s my ride,” I told my partner. “Talk soon.” Roger waved. “Talk soon.” I put my luggage in the trunk. Then I went into the car, buckled up, and looked out the window as it drove away, [[staring at Roger until he was just a speck in the distance.|74]]

This had certainly been one heck of a week. I leaned back and closed my eyes, wondering what the future could have in store for us next. A world without Mike in it was a sad place indeed. [[But perhaps, together, Roger and I could lift each other up.|75]]

[[Together, we could survive.|76]]

[[. . .|end]]

Weird Grief [[~fin.|credits]]

written and programmed by [[Naomi Norbez|https://twitter.com/NaomiNorbez]] made in 3 days for [[IF Comp 2021.|https://ifcomp.org/]] support the creation of games like these on [[my Patreon|http://patreon.com/norbez/]]. Special thanks to my supporters: Some Strange Circus, Krakken Unleashed, Eli Berg-Mass, Rachel Furphy, Pseudavid, and Eliana. [[Replay?|feb3]]