An Exercise in Emotional Honesty

<img src="images/Frames_Title.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "1") { (track: 'bg', 'loop', true) (track: 'bg', 'playwhenpossible') } (This game is best enjoyed at fullscreen!)

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> "Hi." [[► Hello.]]

bg: ./audio/LessorMoreHappy.wav

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "2") "Thanks for coming. For showing up. I...appreciate it."

<img src="images/Frames_Break.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "3") "This is going to be weird."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "4") "I guess I should explain myself, at least a little bit."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "6") "Which is a real shame 'cause I'm like full of emotions, all the time."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "5") "I've realized recently I suck at talking to people. Like, in a real emotional sense."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "7") "Anyway, this bad habit has bled into my work, my art, a bit too."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "8") "In my attempt to keep myself and my personal life out of my work, I've shut off a bit. I can't really be honest."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "9") "I'm nervous to express weakness. Whether it's creative insecurity to the health issues that impact how much I work...I just don't want to talk about it."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "11") "I wanted to make this. To practice. I guess this is...A conversation, from me to you."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "10") "So..."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> "Let's talk." [[► Health issues?]] [[► Creative insecurity?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "12") "Haha, yeah. Sorry, that's a bit foreboding. Although, I don't actually know how 'bad' it is."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "35") "Woof, yeah. I've always felt like I'm not doing enough, ya know?"

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "13") "To sum it up: I have some hormonal stuff going on. At the time of this chat I don't know what."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "15") "I don't know how familiar you are with periods and menstrual stuff but basically my periods last 14 days and are heavy."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> "Could be PCOS, could be Endo, could be something else..." [[► How does that stop you from working?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "14") "Whatever it is has gotten a lot worse this last year."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> "I end up losing a lot of blood. Not like //'I gotta go to a hospital! I've been stabbed!'// levels, but by day 9 or 10 I start feeling pretty wrung out." [[► Geez.]] [[► Isn't there more complications for that stuff?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "18") "For me this lasts about 2 weeks. I get the normal symptoms, but really amped up. I get pretty bad mood swings, for example, and it leaves me depressed and demotivated. I get really sensitive, and it's easy to be thrown off my rhythm."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "17") "Usually a week before your period you get like a rush of hormones which is what folks usually refer to when they bring up 'PMS'."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "19") "And you may be thinking: 'Wait, if you PMS for 2 weeks and bleed for 2 weeks...Why that's a full month! Surely, the whole thing doesn't just loop endlessly with no kind of physical or mental break!'"

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "20") "Well...(text-style:"sway")[Haha,] jokes on me."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "16") (text-style:"buoy") ["Yeeeeaaaah."]

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "21") "So, yeah, just imagine being on your period forever, literally all of the time. The constant pain, exhuastion or moodiness often gets in the way of my work, if not my life."

<img src="images/Frames_Anger.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "23") "Or I'm just too damn tired."

<img src="images/Frames_Talk.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "22") "I get too tired to stream. I don't want to force myself to be entertaining. Or I get in my head about how everything I make is garbage. Hard to work when you don't think any of it is worth a damn."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "24") (text-style:"buoy") ["..."]

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> "And I'm embarrassed. I come off as moody, or inconsistent, and I don't know how to tell people." [[► You shouldn't have to.]] [[► Have you been working on it?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Break.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "25") "Don't I? How else are people supposed to understand? I'm not like this on purpose. I don't want to be like this."

<img src="images/Frames_Break.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "28") "...I'm trying."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "26") "I don't know how to make people accept my faults without justifying them."

<img src="images/Frames_Talk.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "27") "And since I've gotten bad at being open it leads to me not saying anything at all."

<img src="images/Frames_Talk.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "Transition_1") "It's tough. I've been working on it. I'll find out more of what's going on, get some kind of treatment going. I'll be okay."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "29") "I'm not interested in talking to every single person I know about my medical problems, shockingly."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "31") "..."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "30") "I just want to be better at saying 'I'm tired.'"

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "32") (text-style:"sway") ["I'm really tired right now."]

<img src="images/Frames_Talk.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "33") "...I've been working on it medically as well, of course. Getting tests done."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "34") "It's a matter of waiting, really. Eventually we'll narrow it down and I'll be able to take care of it."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "Transition_1") "I'll be okay. I just hope people can be understanding while I'm not so okay right now."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> "...Enough of that I think. Medical stuff always feels gloomy to me. Should I apologize or did you know what you were getting into?" [[► Creative insecurity?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "36") "It's funny. When I tell people what I'm working on, the different projects and ideas, they always seem taken aback. I never realize how much it is until I'm listing and explaining and planning..."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "37") "Everyone always tells me to slow down, pace myself, put stuff on the back burner. For awhile I never knew why I preferred to work with so much on my plate."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "40") "I can't- I have to create. I want to, I love it genuinely."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "38") "I just always love having something on my mind to plan or write or draw..."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "39") "Then I realized...I (text-style: "expand", "shudder")[need] it."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> "But I also need it, you know?" [[► I do.]] [[► What do you mean by that?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "42") "It sounds so dire when you say it. I guess it can be, but I mean it. I wouldn't be here without art. Whether it's creating or consuming it, its become a core part of my life."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "41") (text-style:"sway")["Thank God."]

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "61") "Hm...How do I put this?"

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "43") "I realized when I got into college years ago that nothing made me happier than just...making shit. I've been coming up with a lot of ideas for projects recently, bigger things."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "44") "Games, a horror podcast, video essays...There's so much I want to make. It's like a switch flipped at the beginning of this year. I just want to make stuff, weird stuff."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "End") "Like this game. I'm really excited to be making this."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "45") "..."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "48") "And the other seems to be making a long talky game about it!"

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "49") "Don't regret it though."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> "Was this overkill?" [[► Yes.]] [[► No.]]

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "46") "Can I ask you something?"

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "50") "Writing this game...felt good."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "51") "I'm bad at talking casually about the stuff in the game. It all feels like nothing and everything at the same time. It paralyzes me."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "47") "Thanks for your honesty. I got to figure out moderation, I suppose. One end of the spectrum is not opening up at all..."

<img src="images/Frames_Laugh.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "57") (text-style:"rumble")["Ha!] Good! It just means I can be weirder."

<img src="images/Frames_Glance.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "52") "Putting this stuff in my games, whether literally or abstractly, helps. I think that's because like this...there's still detachment. There's layers. It's palatable."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "53") "That's good for me, it's comfortable. I don't think it'll always be like this. I'll get better at talking about my problems. Someday."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "54") "Baby steps for now."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "55") "Thank you for talking to me, for joining me in this experiment. It's appreciated, really."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "56") "I hope you have a good day. I hope you talk to someone you love. I hope you're honest with them."

<img src="images/Frames_Smug.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "Final") "Talk to you later, okay?"

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "58") "But uh, seriously, thank you for your feedback. I'm sort of just feeling my way blind through this emotional honesty thing. I can't really tell what's appropriate anymore."

<img src="images/Frames_Break.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "59") "I'm a bit of a prude, I think. Somewhere along the way I decided the right amount of openness was literally none at all because anything else felt like too much."

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "60") "Some folks are pretty transparent about where they're at. They've seemingly perfected the art of casually sharing news and updates on their life, good or bad. I really envy that."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "49") "But this helps. Really, it does."

(text-size: 03)[''(The End)''] [[Start]]

<img src="images/Frames_Turned.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "62") "Like...What else would I do besides this? It makes me happy. It can be really exciting and fulfilling."

<img src="images/Frames_Smile.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "End") "I love it. My heart couldn't take it any other way."

<img src="images/Frames_Looking.png"> "Imagine your favorite hobby. Sports, cooking, video games...Sure, there's a chance it could stress you out some days but you wouldn't give up on it so easily right?" [[► That makes sense.]] [[► But is it worth it?]]

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "End") "Mm, good. I'm shit at explaing the 'why' of it, to be honest. I should talk about it more with other folks."

<img src="images/Frames_Smile.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "63") "Yes. Holy shit, yes. No matter where I'm at it always comes back to art. I'm never going to stop, I don't think I could ever quit this."

<img src="images/Frames_Break2.png"> (click-goto: ?Page, "16") (text-style:"buoy") ["Yeeeeaaaah."]