Regarding Various Absurd Attempts To Rid Oneself of Waterfowl

The duck's back again. [["Damnit."]]

Don't be ridiculous. Ducks can't be damned. It's like dividing by zero. Try something else. (display:"DuckOptions1")

You're not ordained! (display:"DuckOptions1") [[> Marry as spouse]]

[[> Fork]] [[> Marry]] [[> Kill]]

You eat a full course of duck-based dishes in front of it as an initimdation attempt, It almost works, but then you pick up the wrong fork for the dessert and that ruins your credibility entirely. (display:"DuckOptions1")

Well we can't just shoot it. It has a GBE. You'll have to challenge it to a duel. It gets to choose weapons; you get to choose location. [[> Volcano]] [[> Train]] [[> Hive]]

The duck cannot marry until it has finished weaving a burial shroud for its father-in-law. Standard protocol. (display:"DuckOptions1") [[> Marry as spouse]]

It's hot. Really hot. Killing you hot, even. Before the duel can even start, you realize that you have to escape the volcano or you'll both die. [[> Balloon]] [[> Submarine]] [[> Wormhole]]

You're both on top of the 9:25 to Scranton. The duck has chosen stale bread. Breadcrumbs get in your eyes almost immediately. How will you find it while blind? [[> Instinct]] [[> Faith]] [[> Amulet]]

You are both hella stung and end up in the ICU. You cannot get rid of the duck now. [[> Restart]]

(display:"Start")

Instinct tells you that the duck is no threat and you should be busy finding food and a suitable mate. One day later, you are well-fed and flush with companionship suitable to you, but the duck remains. [["Damnit."]]

You fall off the train. You fool, God had twenty quid on the duck. [[> Restart]]

You consult the amulet. After the requisite virgin sacrifice, it guides you across the roof. As you clear your eyes, the duck holds shakes a stale baguette. What is your weapon? [[> Challah]] [[> Brioche]]

The sight of challah reminds the duck that it's almost Sabbath and it runs home. You're safe until Sunday. It is now Sunday. (display:"Start")

You smack the duck off the train with the brioche. Before you can enjoy your victory, you see the duck fly off to safety. Oh right. Ducks fly. [[> Restart]]

A billionaire has volunteered their lava submarine to rescue the two of you, even though it's shoddily built and unsuited for the situation. You spend so much time arguing about how bad this rescue is that the volcano erupts and kills the lot of you. [[> Restart]]

The worms take you. You never return. [[> Restart]]

You've successfully caught the duck in a paradox. Now it *has* to marry you. After two years in a loveless marriage, the duck runs off with the mailman, never to return. You win!

You quickly prepare a hot balloon out of nail clippings and hair. The duck, not knowing how to weave, is useless. You're alive, but also there's still the duck. [["Damnit."]] (if:(history: where its name contains "> Marry as spouse")'s length >= 1)[ [["The duck can't weave? But the shroud!"]]]